


Going to Hell

by The_Red_Rabbit



Series: As Heaven is Wide [3]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Multi, but also there's a lot of fun, it's like a sandwich where the bread is fluff and the middle is angst and trauma, like literally we're getting them a therapist because they need to deal with everything, the fells say trans rights, this is a recovery fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:32:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 50
Words: 267,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22311079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Red_Rabbit/pseuds/The_Red_Rabbit
Summary: Sending their daughter to her first day at school was always going to be a challenge for Aziraphale and Crowley. After all, she still hasn't got a grip on her magic and the thought of being apart from her causes them some portion of anxiety. They just want her to enjoy her new life and fit in, but that's a little hard to do when a lost ghost appears to ask her for help.Yeah, this one's definitely inspired by Buffy the Vampire Slayer, except instead of metaphors for growing up as a general thing, it's specifically metaphors for obstacles for healing from trauma.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: As Heaven is Wide [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1520882
Comments: 17
Kudos: 26





	1. Happy Home

**Author's Note:**

> To my trans readers (I know there are a few of you):
> 
> I wanted to address you before the beginning of this last part, because even though nobody has ever said so, I’m so aware of the fact that Ruby would make a great trans character. I’m SO aware of how much sense that would make on some level with her arc. She was raised by religious fundamentalists who abused her for being “gay” but she’s not even bothered to think about whether she IS gay and her arc in the first book culminates with being reborn in a new body that is customized to her liking and feels more like hers than the one she has before (and links her to a found family). I am SO aware that this would make a great trans narrative.
> 
> The only reason I haven’t done that is because she’s just like my Doctor Who OC, Ginger, in that this is sort of me working through my issues. I’m cis and have BPD. Ginger, especially, is me working on a BPD narrative. Regeneration and dealing with regeneration with BPD is a compelling narrative because BPD is a dysphoric feeling about the SELF. It’s like constantly breaking up with yourself and reshaping yourself. Even though I’m not making Ruby a BPD narrative, it’s undeniable that making her go through all that and reshape herself is a fantasy from my own BPD. And that’s the big reason I never went through with it and made Ruby a trans character (though I promise you I’m doing something with her identity going forward). I thought it might be detrimental to trans people to imply, even indirectly, that being trans is an effect of abuse or mental illness. So I didn't do that.
> 
> That being said, I have been trying to write narratives that can resonate with my trans readers, because even as a cis person, the trans community has been so supportive of me. That's partially why I'm having so many characters outside of the binary in this part 3 of the series. And I have absolutely zero problem with headcanons of Ruby as trans. If you identify with Ruby, that's fine. She's yours. She'd have no problem with being written as trans in an AU, so I have no problem with it either. The only thing that offends Ruby is a TERF.
> 
> I want to be perfectly clear. I love all of my trans readers. If you need me to fight for you, I'll do so. But I don't intend to talk over you. You've always been revolutionaries in your own right. I've done quite a bit of research to prepare for this part of the story and I've talked to the trans friends that I have, but don't hesitate to reach out if you feel I've got something a bit wrong. I want to be not just accurate, but supportive.
> 
> Thank you all so much for your support.

Anathema was in the kitchen preparing some snacks when the guest she’d been expecting knocked at the door. She crossed the room to open the door, and had scarcely done that when Ruby barreled in while chattering a mile a minute.

“Your house is super witchy,” the teenager said, picking up absolutely everything within reach to examine it. “It’s like, super goals. I’m trying to get the boys to make me a tower.”

“A...tower, Ruby?” Anathema asked, glancing at her parents for help. They both shrugged apologetically. There was just no reining her in.

“Yeah, a tower. Think my room should be a tower. With a big spiral staircase.” She raised her arms and spun once as if indicating the rough shape of a spiral staircase. “Like a loft, but better.”

“We’ve said we’ll consider it,” said Aziraphale.

“It would be super goth,” Ruby continued. “And super witchy.” She put down a jar of eye of newt and turned her attention to Anathema. “What are we learning today?”

“We’re going to do a standard healing draft,” Anathema replied.

She raised her eyebrows. “Not poison?”

“No, not poison.”

She seemed exasperated by this, but kept her reasons to herself. “Alright, fine. We’ll do your healing thing.”

“I’ve got some snacks on the counter,” Anathema said. “Could you take them to the living room for me?”

“Cool, a task,” she said. It struck all the adults how hard it sometimes was to tell if she was being sarcastic. In either case, Ruby took off with the tray of cookies.

“So how is she adjusting?” Anathema asked, watching her go.

“She’s doing remarkably well,” Crowley said. “She still has nightmares, but they’re fewer these days.”

“She’s coming along really well with her magic,” Anathema said.

“Yeah, she is,” said Crowley. “She still struggles a bit with the bigger stuff, though. She’ll get there.”

“The truth is, this whole experience has changed her,” Aziraphale added. “She’s so far removed from the scared little girl with the pepper spray we met all those months ago. She’s actually made herself very comfortable in this new life. She’s still a bit jumpy-”

“But that’s just out Ruby,” Crowley interjected.

Aziraphale fidgeted. “I do worry that when things upset her, she stops regulating her magic so well...but we’ll get her there.”

“Do things upset her often?” Anathema asked, worried.

“Not often,” Crowley assured her. “She’s mostly alright. She sometimes gets annoyed and frustrated as any teenager might, but it’s only when things - what’s the word - trigger her that it becomes an issue. We work hard to make her feel as safe as possible, but we can’t stop her from having nightmares. We also can’t stop her from being anxious when she thinks she might be annoying us. We just have to reassure her when that happens.”

“It’s not as if every time she watches a sad movie, she affects the local weather patterns,” Aziraphale interjected. “It’s deeply tied to her personal feelings about herself. And we really hope that getting her into drama school will help restore her confidence.”

“You think she’s ready?” Anathema asked, nervously. “If she’s still having trouble controlling herself-”

“I think we have to trust her,” Crowley said. 

“We can’t keep her locked away,” Aziraphale said. “As much as we might fear what might happen out in the world, she needs to have experiences and be around people her own age. Locking her up might just make things worse. Of course we’ll keep an eye on her to make certain she’s adjusting well, but we can’t start sheltering her now.” 

“As if she’d let us if we tried,” Crowley added.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Anathema said, fishing a newspaper from her bag. “I saved this copy of the Daily Mail for you. Thought it might give you a chuckle.”

Crowley took the paper while Aziraphale looked at it over his shoulder.

 **Devil’s Advocate** , it read. **Inside the Evangeline Lorde case.**

“It all reads like that,” Anathema said. “A bunch of false and inaccurate information that is _so_ far out there that it’s almost funny.”

Aziraphale nodded. “I mean it _is_ the Daily Mail.”

“Devil’s Advocate,” Crowley repeated the headline. “I just hate that. Fox News was throwing that around all the time too. What they intentionally misunderstand about the whole situation is that it had nothing to do with religion for me. It was all about justice. Helping Ruby and other people like her. The Devil has enough advocates. These girls never even had one. I was only ever Ruby’s Advocate.”

“Ruby’s Advocate,” Ruby mused as she came back into the room. “I like that. It has a nice ring to it.” She looked at Anathema expectantly. “Magic time?”

Anathema couldn’t help but smile at Ruby’s eagerness. “Magic time.” She looked at Aziraphale and Crowley. “Aren’t you two taking off then?”

Aziraphale and Crowley had made plans for the afternoon, which had sounded like a good idea at the time. But now they found themselves faced with the real possibility of time apart from their daughter for the first time since they’d had her...and the concept put them a little on edge.

Aziraphale fidgeted. “Are you certain you’ll be alright?” he asked.

Ruby groaned. “Dad, I’ll be fine. We talked about this.”

“We can stay if you need us to-”

Ruby was exasperated, but very touched by his concern. “Dad, you told me yourself that you’ve been putting off this picnic for half a century. I want you to have a nice time. Don’t worry about me. I’ve got Anathema. Anything happens, she’s got my back.”

This alarmed Aziraphale more. “You think something is likely to happen?”

“That reminds me,” Crowley cut in. “I brought you something.” He reached into his pocket and retrieved a small spray bottle that was small enough to be held in his hand. He held it very delicately as if it were a very volatile explosive. “Be very careful with this. We don’t know how - or if - it will affect you.”

She took it. “What...is it?”

“Holy Water,” said Crowley. “I don’t anticipate anything happening, but if it did...I’d want you to be prepared.”

“In case of demons?” Ruby asked, oddly touched by this. He wasn’t showing his anxiety outwardly, but Ruby knew how big of a gesture this was for him. He was trusting her to be alright on her own, but he wanted her to be able to protect herself when he couldn’t.

“In case of emergencies,” he said. “Be _very_ careful with that.”

She stored the bottle in her pocket and hugged him. “Thanks. But I’ll be fine. Trust me.”

“We do,” Crowley replied.

Ruby pulled away. “Get a move on, then,” she grinned. “Have a nice picnic, or else.”

Aziraphale gave one more fidget. “You’ll call us if you need us?”

“Yeah, yeah.” She tried to usher them out the door.

“For any reason, you understand?”

“I get it, Dad, it’s fine, it’s good, now _go.”_

She closed the door behind them and leaned against it, sharing a look of exasperation with Anathema.

“They’re overprotective,” she shrugged. “Sorry.”

Anathema smiled and shook her head. “New parents. How will they ever cope on your first day of school?”

…

It was a very productive half hour. Anathema taught Ruby some basic potion-making and they had snacks. They would’ve spent longer working at the potion-making, but two pre-teens entered Anathema’s home without asking.

“Anathema!” called a young boy. “Are you home?”

“In here!” she called. “Did you bring the magazines?”

The young boy came in the room and threw them down at the table. “Yeah. Nothing good today. Same old stuff.”

“Ah, well,” Anathema shrugged. “Can’t always be an interesting news day. I believe I owe you cookies? Ah...biscuits, I mean?”

A young girl had entered behind the boy. “Chocolate chip,” she said. “That was the deal.”

They noticed Ruby.

“Who’s this?” asked the girl.

“That’s my sister,” Anathema said absently.

“You’ve got a sister?” the boy asked. “How come you never said? She don’t look like you.”

“Long story,” said Anathema.

“She got a name?” asked the girl. “Or can she not talk? Mum says sometimes people can’t talk and that’s not their fault, they can communicate in other ways.”

“Pepper,” Anathema said, patiently. “Are you implying that people who can’t talk don’t have names?”

“Well does she or doesn’t she?” asked Pepper.

Ruby was beginning to understand. “I’m Ruby. And you’re Pepper, I guess?”

“Yeah, that’s right. Pepper.”

Ruby turned her eyes to the boy. “Which of the boys does that make you, then?”

“Adam,” said the boy. He turned his eyes back to Anathema. “She’s English. How can you have a sister who don’t look like you and is English?”

“It’s a long story,” Anathema said again. She peered closely at the children. “Aren’t there normally two more of you?”

“Brian and Wensley are being lame,” Pepper said.

“Are they?” asked Anathema, worried that the children had had a falling out.

“They’ve gone on holiday,” Adam explained.

“Oh,” said Anathema. “Together?”

“Separate, just at the same time.”

“Alright then. Take your cookies.”

The two children took their treats. Ruby took a look at the magazines. She laughed derisively under her breath.

Anathema narrowed her eyes. “What was that, Ruby?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Ruby said, quickly. “It’s just...you don’t actually _believe_ this stuff, do you?”

“I take it you don’t?” asked Adam.

“Not saying that, not exactly,” replied Ruby. “Just...where’s the evidence for some of this?”

“Like what, specifically?” asked Anathema.

She pointed at one headline. “Moon Landing Faked? Please. You know it would cost far more money to fake a moon landing than to actually send a crew to the moon? And the kind of laser equipment necessary to fake the footage didn’t even exist that year? I saw an Adam Ruins Everything about it.”

“Adam Ruins Everything?” Adam repeated.

Pepper nudged him. “Well you _do_.”

“It’s a web show,” Ruby explained. “Really fascinating stuff. No if you wanna look into real, factual conspiracies that have proof in ‘em, you’re gonna want to look at MKULTRA and Project Paperclip and even the Tuskegee Experiment.”

Anathema had to admit that she was impressed. “Where do you learn about all this stuff?”

Ruby shrugged. “I read.”

“What’s the Tuskey Experiment?” asked Adam.

“Tuskegee,” Ruby corrected.

“Something we’ll talk about when you’re maybe just a _little_ older,” Anathema said. She took a sip of her tea. “Now if you wanted to do your _own_ research about it and had questions, then your parents couldn’t _really_ get mad at me about it, could they?”

Ruby continued flipping through the stack of magazines. “I just don’t get it half the time,” she admitted. “Like I get that it’s fun to believe in some of this stuff sometimes, but a lot of it is obviously a lie and probably hurts people.”

“I think sometimes it’s a good distraction,” said Anathema. “The people saying it don’t have to believe it, they just have to plant doubt. Then once there’s doubt, people aren’t looking so closely at whatever they’re doing. Think about what’s going on in America. Do you think Trump brings up the Clintons because he genuinely cares what they’re doing? His tactic is that whenever people are looking too closely at him, he’ll ask a deliberate leading question so that the news cycle will be too distracted by that to look at him. Sometimes a conspiracy theory is just a useful distraction.”

“I guess that makes sense.”

…

Some time later, Anathema had ushered the two children from the house.

“I think I’ll take off too,” Ruby said. “Thanks for having me over.”

“Oh,” said Anathema. “I expected you to stay a little longer. At least until your parents come to pick you up.”

“I can make my way home, I’ll be fine.”

“If you’re sure,” Anathema said. “You’ve got your spray bottle?”

Ruby smiled at Anathema. “What’s all this worry about demons today?”

“It’s not a specific worry,” Anathema countered. “I just don’t want to face the fury of your parents if anything happens.”

“What could happen? I’m immortal.”

“You will text me to let me know you got home safe?”

“Yeah, yeah…” She smiled wickedly. “Hey Anathema, wanna see a magic trick?”

Before Anathema could answer, Ruby teleported out of there.

…

Ruby was laughing uncontrollably when she arrived back at the cottage seconds later. She’d been learning how to teleport and was finding it easier than expected to pick up. She couldn’t always control it if she got over-excited or nervous, but she was getting there.

She immediately got out her phone and texted Anathema that she got home safe, but then was faced with the prospect of an empty house for the first time in months. Normally she’d be relieved and relish in the alone time...but the house just felt...empty. Boring. _Lonely._

“Aw, hell,” she swore under her breath and teleported away again.

…

Aziraphale and Crowley were having a nice picnic in Devil’s Dyke, which wasn’t too far from their cottage. The anxiety of leaving Ruby behind had been hard at first, but soon they began to relax and enjoy the day. They ate a small meal then lay on their backs and talked.

“That cloud looks like a rabbit,” said Aziraphale.

“Does it?” asked Crowley.

“It does,” he pointed. “See?”

Crowley peered upwards. “Not really.”

“You never had any imagination,” Aziraphale teased.

“Never had…” Crowley immediately became indignant. “Never had any imagination? I have the _most_ imagination, thank you. Got more imagination than you.”

“Prove it, then,” said Aziraphale. “Pick a cloud.”

“They all look like clouds,” Crowley complained.

“They _are_ clouds,” Aziraphale said, patiently. “Tell me what they look like.”

“Besides clouds?”

“Besides clouds.”

Crowley resented this and peered upwards. “I suppose...that one...might look like a duck?”

“That one?”

“Yeah, that one.”

“Are you mad? That one is clearly a loon.”

He spluttered indignantly. “Yes, of course, my apologies for misidentifying a loon made out of evaporated water molecules.”

“I’m just saying, it’s a loon-”

“You’re a loon.” He muttered sullenly, yet they both knew he was enjoying himself.

Aziraphale propped himself up on an elbow and looked down at his husband. “Yes, but you married me. So who’s the bigger loon?” He smiled at Crowley and reached for him, tangling his fingers in his chin-length red hair. “Have I said that I love the fact that you’re growing your hair out again? I always loved it long…”

Crowley smiled gently up at Aziraphale and waited patiently for the kiss that he knew was coming. But they were interrupted.

 _“Sweeeet_ , strawberry shortcake? You got all the good stuff.”

They both sat up and watched as Ruby climbed onto their picnic blanket and began availing herself of the leftovers. 

“How did you get here?” Aziraphale asked, glancing around. “Where’s Anathema?”

“Relax,” she said. “I teleported.”

“Teleported?” asked Aziraphale, pride entering his eyes. “How many attempts did it take you?”

“Just the one,” she said, clearly very proud of herself as well. “You showed me this spot _many times_ this morning on the map so I’d know where you were, remember? Devil’s Dyke. Weird name. Is it technically offensive or is this like...reclaimed lesbian land or something?”

Crowley choked on his drink. “No, nothing like that.”

“Why’s it called that, then?” she asked.

“There’s an old legend,” Aziraphale explained. “Apparently the Devil was trying to dig a trench to flood the local churches.”

Ruby nodded. “A noble mission.” He looked at Crowley. “Any truth to it?”

“None,” said Crowley.

“The legend says that the Devil was thwarted by an angry rooster who crowed,” continued Aziraphale. “Which caused the Devil to think that morning was coming.”

“Yes, because we all know that Lucifer is terrified of sunrise,” Crowley said, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Hang on, that’s actually not how I heard that story. I heard he was spooked by an old lady who lit a candle, which is somehow even more unlikely.”

Ruby had to admit to being slightly disappointed. “I thought there’d _at least_ be some ritual sacrifice here…”

“Not that we’re not happy to see you,” said Crowley. “But why are you there?”

Ruby finished eating a strawberry. “I was bored.” A thought occurred to her. “Aw hell, I wasn’t interrupting something terribly romantic, was I?”

“Well…” Aziraphale replied. “As it so happens-”

“I can go,” she said, apologetically. “I really did mean for you to have a nice time, I just...forgot.”

“No, please, Ruby, stay,” Aziraphale said. “We like having you here. Could you tell us about your day - or, rather, hour and a half - with Anathema?”

Ruby brightened immediately. “Alright. I can do that.”

“Oh, before you do that,” Aziraphale said, pointing to the sky. “What shape would you say that cloud is?”

Ruby shielded her eyes with her hand and peered upwards. “A loon, clearly.”

She didn’t notice the satisfied smirk that Aziraphale gave Crowley or the eyeroll Crowley gave him in return.

“You’re both loons, clearly,” Crowley grumbled.

…

The end of July was fast approaching, and to stave off boredom Ruby would sometimes volunteer in the bookshop. Anathema came by one day to visit her husband.

Ruby showed her a page in a book. “I mean, see, look at this. The US government poisoned alcohol during prohibition. That’s real, that happened, people _died_ from it. I’m just saying to pick _real_ conspiracies with evidence to believe in. The ones you can’t prove are still fun, just like...rationalize a _bit._ ”

“But there isn’t proof that some of this stuff _isn’t_ real,” Anathema pointed out. “You can’t put anything past the government-”

“Oh I don’t,” Ruby said. “I’m just saying…”

“You two should have a podcast,” Newt joked. “You could argue about conspiracies for hours and it would be entertaining.”

Anathema considered this. “Now there’s an idea…”

“I was joking,” Newt said.

“Yeah, I know, but...I _do_ need a hobby…”

“I’d be in,” said Ruby. “If you wanted to do it. I’d pick a fake name or something, be totally covert.”

“Would she be allowed to do that?” Anathema asked Aziraphale and Crowley.

“If she wants,” shrugged Crowley. “Any objections?”

“None,” said Aziraphale. “I can’t bear the thought of you doing a podcast by yourself, Anathema. You need a moderating voice. And Ruby does her research and finds _actual_ proof. It is amazing, Anathema, that you can somehow come off as even madder than Ruby.”

“Just do me a favor and don’t go all Alex Jones,” Crowley said. “I mean American Alex Jones, not Alex Jones from the One Show. Make it a comedy show. Don’t be super serious all the time unless you have to be.”

A knock came at the door to the bookshop and they all did what they normally did - they ignored it. But the knock came again, more insistently, so Ruby glanced at Aziraphale and shrugged before going to answer it.

“Listen, mate, we’re closed-” she began, before taking a closer look. It was a teenage girl who appeared quite disoriented and was swimming in and out of focus. “Oh. You’re one of those. I’d wondered when you’d show up.”

“Help me,” the girl said in what sounded like an old-timey New York accent.

Ruby took in the girl’s state of dress, noting that she was dressed like a flapper. “Yeah, see, that’s not gonna happen right now. I’m kinda busy trying to have a life. Unless you died at a fancy dress party, I’m gonna guess you’ve been dead a long time. You can wait a little longer. Come back during business hours.”

“When’s that?” the girl asked.

Ruby shrugged. “I don’t know, we don’t really keep hours. Point is, I’m not letting you people get in the way of me having a life. I’m not your teen heroine. I’m just a person. So _if_ I decide I have time to look into whatever happened to you, I will. During business hours.”

She closed the door behind her.

“What was that about?” Aziraphale asked, absently.

“Ghost number one, apparently,” Ruby shrugged, crossing the room to sit down next to Aziraphale. “I told her I’m busy, try again later.”

“Wait, there was a ghost?” Newt asked.

“Yeah, didn’t you hear it knocking?” Ruby asked.

“I didn’t hear any knocking,” Anathema interjected.

“The mortals likely couldn’t hear it,” Aziraphale explained, sipping his tea. “It happens.”

…

Aziraphale and Crowley escorted Ruby back out to the car a short time later, Ruby chattering away happily the entire time.

“Oh and I was watching this mini-doc on Youtube about fungus and apparently some types have like hundreds of genders?"

"Is that, as the kids say, 'mood', Crowley?" Aziraphale teased.

"Pretty much permanently," Crowley smiled.

"Fungus is actually really cool," Ruby continued obliviously. "I still really like those little glow-in-the-dark mushrooms..."

She trailed off as her eyes landed on something. The air instantly began crackling with electricity and storm clouds began to gather.

“Ruby?” asked Aziraphale. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” she said, in a low voice. 

“Ruby, you’re clearly upset,” said Azirphale. “If you told us why, maybe we could fix it.”

“Ruby,” Crowley cut in. “Your eyes...They’ve gone all red.”

“What?” she snapped.

“Your eyes. They’re not green anymore.”

This surprised her so much that she tore her eyes away from what was upsetting her and looked in the rearview mirror of the bentley. She caught a glimpse of her own red irises just before they cooled to green with shock again and the storm that had been kicking up died down. 

“Wooooah,” she breathed. “That’s super weird.”

“You were very angry just then, kitten,” Aziraphale said. “What happened?”

She crossed her arms. “Nothing. It’s nothing. Stupid.”

“Bet it’s not.”

She sighed and pointed at a bench. “Look at that!”

Aziraphale and Crowley looked at the bench in confusion. 

“It looks like a bench,” said Crowley.

“You see those bars in the middle?” she asked.

“The arm rests?” Aziraphale asked.

“That’s not what they are.”

“What... _are_ they then?”

Ruby tried her best not to get annoyed. “They’re meant to keep homeless people away. So they can’t sleep there. Because they’d rather spend money making homeless lives worse than actually trying to fix the root cause. They’d rather treat homeless people as disgusting.”

Her parents all at once understood what was upsetting Ruby about this.

“You have a safe home now,” Aziraphale reminded her. “You’re not sleeping rough anymore, and never will.”

“Doesn’t mean I stopped caring.”

Crowley nodded. He snapped his fingers and blue flames erupted on the metal bars, melting them down completely. “Better?” he asked Ruby.

She smiled at him gratefully. “Much. Thanks.” She got in the car.

Her parents followed suit. “You know we _are_ going to have to talk about what just happened with your eyes, Ruby,” said Aziraphale.

She sighed. “I know. But not now.”


	2. Monster Mash

"Ruby," Aziraphale inquired one morning after breakfast. "Do you still write or draw?"

"Not really," she admitted.

"I thought not," he said. "You were rather magnificent at it, I only wondered if you had a touch of creative block?"

She shrugged. "I don't think that's it. I used to have this, I dunno, burning need to write? But after my Rebirth I just...don't anymore? I'm not really interested in it. I figure that was God's plan and now that I've gotten out of my system what she wanted, I'd have to grow my own passion for it. But I just haven't really."

"Fair enough," smiled Aziraphale.

She went off to watch some television show and Crowley stayed behind in the kitchen.

"What was that about, dear?" Crowley asked.

"Hm?" said Aziraphale. "Oh I only just wondered. She spends an awful lot of time just reading or watching the television or listening to music. I thought it might be nice for her to have some sort of hobby."

"She's about to go to drama school," said Crowley. "Isn't that hobby enough?"

"Yes, but that's going to be rather competitive by nature," Aziraphale said. "I thought it might be good for her to do something more hands-on at a smaller scale. Something relaxing."

"Like what?"

"I'm not sure," he admitted. "But it's not right for people to not have hobbies. Everyone needs an outlet, something just for them."

...

It was the final days of July, and Ruby Fell had noticed that Crowley was being secretive. He was spending more time out of the house. When Ruby would ask, Aziraphale would simply say that he was in the greenhouse or had “gone to London”.

“Why are you spending so much time in London?” Ruby demanded on a bright, sunny afternoon.

“I’m working on a project,” Crowley replied, cryptically. 

“Really,” she said, flatly. “A project. What sort of project?”

“I can’t say.”

“Yes you can.”

“Fine, yes, I physically _can_ say, but I _won’t_ say.”

She crossed her arms and looked expectantly at Aziraphale.

“Don’t look at me,” the former angel said.

“Well I am,” she said. “I’m assuming _you_ know the big secret.”

“Yes I do,” he admitted. “Because Crowley ran it by me first. But I won’t say a word.”

She nodded. “Alright. So when can I expect to know?”

“What makes you think you will?” Crowley asked.

“Because we don’t have secrets,” she said.

“In that case,” said Crowley. “Very soon. I promise.”

…

He was true to his word. The very next day he came to find Ruby in the kitchen. She was listening to some loud music and dancing around while making a sandwich.

Crowley was amused. “Billy Idol?”

She wasn’t appropriately mortified to be caught dancing, she just laughed. “Mhm,” she said, putting the finishing touches on her sandwich. “Dancing with Myse-elf.”

He laughed too. “Listen, after you eat, you got a second?”

She took a bite of the sandwich and looked at him curiously. “Is this about the big secret?” she asked.

He nodded. “It’s funny that you asked me about it,” he said. “I was planning on telling you as soon as it was ready, which happened to be today. It’s sort of a surprise.”

“A surprise?” she asked. “For me?”

He nodded. “I think you’ll like it.” He suddenly became nervous again. “I mean I _hope_ you’ll like it.”

She could see how anxious he was about this. “I’m sure I’ll love it,” she assured him. She turned off her music. “Come on, let’s get this over with.”

“But your sandwich?”

“I wasn't really hungry, just bored, really.”

Suddenly Aziraphale’s voice rang out from the sitting room. “Darling? Why is there a large box in the middle of the room? Is this for your project?”

“That’s our cue,” Crowley smiled. “Do you mind if I set up a terrarium in your room?”

She blinked. “A terrarium? I-I guess but...Why…?”

“Zira, darling!” Crowley shouted back. “Would you like to go moss-picking with us?”

Ruby was suddenly very interested. “Moss?”

Crowley smiled. “Zira, did I mention we’re also going mushroom picking?”

Aziraphale’s voice rang out once more. “I’ll get my coat.”

“I’ll get my books,” said Crowley. He moved toward his room.

Ruby blinked and then followed. “ _Books_?”

Crowley chuckled. “Yes, Ruby. Little volumes with hard spines filled with thin pieces of trees that have been covered in ink spots that form recognizable symbols which correspond to human speech.”

“But _you_ ? _You_ have books?” 

“Yes,” he said, with no small amount of amusement. 

“Which you’ve read?”

“Yes.”

“On _purpose_?”

“I’ve sat through Harry Potter with you, I don’t know why this is such a difficult concept for you.”

“But... _books!_ ”

“I’ve been known to read books,” said Crowley. “For the most part they’re books about space. But every once in a while I’ll make the effort.”

Ruby entered the bedroom just seconds after Crowley.

Aziraphale was in the process of buttoning his coat. “I understand your shock, my dear girl. It was no small shock to me, I’ll tell you that. All that time trying to get him to read some Poe or Dickinson and who knew the thing that would get him excited about reading was his daughter’s interest in moss and fungus.”

“It took me a bit longer than it should have,” Crowley admitted. “I didn’t know where to begin. I asked Aziraphale if he had any gardening books and I thought I’d never hear the end of it.”

“It really is a stroke of luck that you have a naturally green thumb, my dear,” Aziraphale shook his head fondly. “You went through life doing your gardening without even reading _one_ gardening book?”

Crowley frowned. “I _have_ read gardening books, you know. I’m not illiterate. I just read slowly and get distracted easily. But as I was saying, I went through each of the books in the bookshop that had anything useful about moss or mushrooms - and there wasn’t much. They’re not the usual plants people cultivate. I managed to find two books I like, and Aziraphale tolerated me looking up additional facts on the internet to make my own notes in the margins.”

Crowley handed her the two books and she read the titles aloud. “‘Fun with Fungi.’ Not a bad title.” She laughed at the second one. “‘Moss Hysteria.’ Now _that’s_ what I call a title.”

“Thought you’d like that,” Crowley smiled.

She looked up at him and tilted her head to the side. “What's all this for?”

“Aziraphale thought you could use a hobby,” said Crowley. “Something that was just yours. I remembered you said that you like mushrooms and thought you might want to see how to grow them."

Her eyes widened. "Grow mushrooms?" Suddenly the girl who had never been interested in gardening was very interested.

He smiled. "We need to go gather supplies. You can borrow some basic composting supplies from me, but we can gather some others as we go along…” He handed her something else. “You’ll need to put these on.”

She looked down at the faux-snakeskin gloves he’d placed atop the two books in her hands. For some strange reason, that simple gift felt like approval. And that was something she was not accustomed to feeling from anybody.

“You alright, dear?” asked Aziraphale.

“Sorry,” she smiled. “I’m just...at a moss for words.”

That comment took a moment to register. Crowley groaned.

“That was weak and you know it,” said Aziraphale, though he grinned.

“Well my first instinct was to say I’m a hot moss,” she smiled. “Which is _infinitely_ worse…”

…

Ruby flipped through the pages of the books while the three of them ventured deep into the woods. 

“Look for a variety you’d like to start with,” said Crowley. “We’ll work from there.”

“What about Black Witches’ Butter?” she asked. “Never heard of that one til just now but the name is _wicked cool_.”

“That type _is_ edible,” said Aziraphale. “It’s bland though. I’d have to spice it up a bit.”

“It’s a European variety,” said Crowley. “If we’re lucky we might find some. Otherwise, I’ll order some spores.”

“Hm what about wavy capped mushrooms?” asked Ruby far too casually.

Crowley caught that immediately. “You mean psilocybe cyanescens? The magic mushroom? Absolutely not. What would you even do with it? You don’t even drink, let alone take party drugs.”

“I’d be wicked cool, is what I’d be.”

“Actually, that may be a good point,” Crowley admitted.

“Crowley,” Aziraphale warned.

“But still not a particularly good idea,” Crowley cautioned. 

“What about the Death Cap?” Ruby asked. “It would be _wicked cool_ to grow poison mushrooms. It’s what Poison Ivy would want.”

“Absolutely not,” Aziraphale said. “I will not have poisonous mushrooms growing in the house. That’s where I cook and eat the nice mushrooms.”

“So...What you’re saying is I can grow Death Caps outside?”

Aziraphale shot Crowley a helpless look.

“Maybe we’ll talk about it when you’re older, Hellcat,” Crowley said. “Let’s make sure you’re able to responsibly grow harmless mushrooms first.”

“Not exactly what I meant,” Aziraphale mumbled to him.

“Yeah, well, are _you_ gonna be the one to tell her she can’t grow poison mushrooms?” he muttered back, somewhat teasing. “She’s scary!”

“Oh look!” Ruby exclaimed, running to a patch of brownish-yellow mushrooms growing near a tree. “I think I recognize those…” She flipped through the pages to one she’d just skipped by. “Yeah, here it is! It’s known as the Funeral Bell.” She looked up at Crowley. “Can I have one?”

He had such trouble saying no to her, and Ruby knew it. Crowley deflected the issue to Aziraphale. “Ask your father. It’s up to him.”

She looked at Aziraphale with pleading eyes.

“What did we say about poisonous mushrooms, petal?” he asked gently but firmly. 

She sighed, but smiled. She was exasperated but not annoyed. “Fine, I can live with it. For now.”

“Let’s see if we can’t find some nice porcini,” said Aziraphale. “You know I created those?”

Crowley smiled fondly. “You do love to remind us every time you cook with them.”

They ventured further into the woods, occasionally stopping to fill their small buckets with sediment and composting material. They also uprooted a great deal of moss.

“Here we go!” Aziraphale rubbed his hands together gleefully. “Some little straw mushrooms! Wonderful!” He crouched near them and looked as if he was about to reach for a specimen.

“Wait!” Ruby exclaimed, kneeling down next to him. She flipped around in her book and showed them a page. “I was just speed-reading this bit a few minutes ago. These aren’t straw mushrooms. These are actually the Death Caps we were just talking about. So unless you’re itching for a speedy discorporation, I wouldn’t eat that.”

“Clever girl!” Crowley exclaimed, clapping a hand on her shoulder. “Even seasoned foragers have trouble distinguishing the Death Cap!”

Aziraphale got to his feet and helped her up as well. “Thank you, my dear,” he said. “Perhaps I allowed my stomach to get the better of me.”

“Surely this proves that she’s a responsible mushroom grower?” Crowley hinted. “She can already identify the poisonous ones! You’ll be careful, won’t you, Ruby?”

Ruby nodded eagerly. “I will, I promise!”

Aziraphale tried to glare at Crowley but his exasperation was tinged with amusement. “You are a _bad influence_ on her, you know that?”

Crowley pretended to be indignant. “Me? A bad influence on _her_ ? If anything _she’s_ the bad influence!”

“ _She_ is sixteen and you’re the eternal adult,” he reminded her. “Besides, you’re a demon. It’s in your nature to be a bad influence.”

Crowley found himself awash in fondness for his husband at these words. Without thinking, he took Aziraphale’s face in his hands and kissed him breathless. Ruby pretended to be embarrassed and hid her face, but, as usual, she thought it was cute.

“What was that for?” Aziraphale blushed, as they reluctantly broke apart. 

“For always being you,” Crowley said. “Everything is in its right place and everything is as it should be.”

“Be that as it may, loverboys,” Ruby said. “We _were_ foraging.”

Aziraphale remembered himself. “ _No_ poisonous or hallucinogenic mushrooms in the house,” he said again. “That’s the final word.” He pulled away from Crowley and began looking around the forest floor. “Now. There must be some porcinis here _somewhere…_ ”

Crowley mouthed at Ruby: _I’ll talk to him._

She smiled and flipped through her book again. “Oooh I love the name of this one! The Destroying Angel! Can I-”

“If it’s poisonous, no,” Aziraphale chuckled.

“Well all the others ones I want don’t mature until at least next month,” Ruby complained.

“What would you like?” asked Aziraphale.

“For starters, I’d like some of those Alice in Wonderland-looking bitches.”

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows, but Crowley was ready to translate. “I thought you would,” he said. “Have you found that page yet?” She shook her head. “Turn to amanita muscaria.”

“Amanita,” Aziraphale repeated. “Do all mushrooms start with that same taxonomic name?”

“Not all of them,” said Crowley. “Why?”

“It’s the Latin word for mushroom.”

“Found it!” Ruby exclaimed. “Yeah, I want one of those bitches. And how about some amethyst deceivers?”

“The little purple ones?” Crowley asked.

She nodded. “Yeah.” She glanced at Aziraphale. “Book says they’re edible.”

“Then I approve,” said Aziraphale.

“There are also some I won’t find in Britain,” Ruby said.

“Let me guess…” said Crowley. “Mycena chlorophos.”

“You know me too well,” Ruby grinned. “Also Entoloma hochstetteri.”

“We can arrange that,” said Crowley. “I’ll just send off for some spores.”

“Would you?”

Crowley smiled. “Who knew that you’d be so into the idea of growing mushrooms?”

“Definitely not me,” Ruby smiled back.

…

They were able to locate a small cluster of porcini after all. Aziraphale took some to prepare for dinner while Crowley got to work.

“Now what?” Ruby asked. 

“First,” said Crowley. “We’re going to set up your terrarium.”

They set up an end table near Ruby’s bed upon which they placed the glass dome. It was rather larger than a typical fishbowl, but she still felt surprised by how little space it took up.

“We’ll get you more, bigger terrariums when you’ve proven you can take care of your first biome,” said Crowley. “First we’ve got to put down a mixture of the soil samples we took with the compost I took from the greenhouse and any composting materials we gathered in the woods.” They took care of this task. “Now for the small stones we gathered.” They took out their collection of small, smooth, round stones they’d collected and placed them around. “Alright. Now we go make the moss.”

She tilted her head to the side. “ _Make_ the moss?”

He smiled. “Time for some science.”

They returned to the kitchen and Crowley took a bowl from the cupboard.

“Crowley,” Aziraphale breathed in exasperation. “I _do_ wish you wouldn’t use the bowls we use to eat-”

“What other kind is there?” he asked, his mood too good to be put off by this.

“What do we do?” Ruby asked.

“First, you’re going to put our moss samples into the bowl,” Crowley said.

Ruby reached into her bucket and did just that. “Next?”

“Moss Hysteria says we should combine it with buttermilk-”

“Crowley-” Aziraphale complained. 

“It’s science. It’s the pursuit of knowledge! You’ll love it! You should come over and watch, this’ll be so cool!” He opened the refrigerator and removed a gallon of buttermilk. “Oh and could you get a potato masher for me?”

“A _potato masher,_ Crowley?”

“Yes, my dear, my darling, my absolute love of my life.” Crowley was in a very good mood. “A _potato masher._ An instrument commonly used to mash potatoes.”

“But you’ll be using it on your moss.”

“Yes, but then we’ll clean it. Come on, Zira, you’re going to love this.”

Aziraphale hesitated before sighing and reaching in a drawer. He crossed the room to the counter they were working on and handed Crowley the potato masher.

Crowley smiled and kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”

“Don’t make me regret this,” Aziraphale warned.

Crowley chuckled. “Ruby, pour the buttermilk in with the moss.”

“Cool,” she nodded. “It’s like a potion.” She did what he asked.

He then handed her the potato masher. “Here.”

She stared at it in confusion. “What am I supposed to do with this?”

“It’s a masher,” Crowley explained. “So...you’re gonna mash.”

A slow grin spread across her face as a wicked glint entered her eyes. “I’ll do the Monster Mash?”

He grinned back at her. “It’ll be a graveyard smash.” He called an aside to Aziraphale. “Zira-”

“Yeah, I’m on it, I’ll turn the music on,” he sighed. He knew them too well. 

Crowley turned his full attention to Ruby. “Go on, then. Mash.”

She shook her head in amazement then turned her attention to the bowl. “Monster Mash, ah-oooh,” she said, under her breath. Then she began mashing the moss mixture with the potato masher. She actually felt sort of silly. “This looks totally gross.”

“We’re making moss slurry,” he said. “When it looks like mud, we can stop.”

After a short time, Ruby managed to make it the rough consistency of mud. “And now?”

“We just need a paintbrush-”

Aziraphale would have to put his foot down on this one. “You are _not_ thinking of using the marinating brushes, are you?”

Crowley smiled. “No, my dear. I bought actual paintbrushes for this.”

“Oh. Well. That’s fine then.”

They reconvened in Ruby’s room with the paint brushes and the slurry. 

“Now,” said Crowley. “Use the slurry as paint and think of the rocks in the tank as your canvas.”

“Got it,” said Ruby. She dipped the brush into the slurry and got to work painting her stones. After a short time, she’d found herself satisfied. “Now what?”

“Do you mean in a normal world or in a world with short-cuts?”

Ruby smiled. “I mean in a world with short-cuts, of course.”

“Well, see,” Crowley explained. “In a normal world, it would take a few weeks for the moss to grow. We’re impatient. So I’m just gonna…” He waved his hand over the tank, and a green light shone down on the stones. Within seconds, a nice, healthy amount of moss had grown on the rocks.

Ruby’s smile got even wider. “ _Cool_ ,” she breathed. “Now the mushrooms?”

He smiled at her. “Now the mushrooms,” he agreed.

They returned to the kitchen and placed their mushrooms on a cutting board. Crowley handed Ruby a knife.

“You need to cut the stems off,” he explained. “But be careful not to crush the caps. You could crush the spores.”

Ruby did this. “And now?”

“And now we’re going to take another shortcut.”

They went back to her room. 

“In normal conditions, we’d make a spore print, but Fun with Fungi says that takes 24 hours. We can do that some time in the future, if you want, but I want us started. There was all this stuff we’d have to do with cardboard...Just trust me, my way is better.”

“And your way...is…?”

Crowley held out a hand and she placed the mushroom cap in it. Crowley turned it upside down so that the gills were facing upwards then waved his hand over it. “I do this all the time if I need spores in my gardening...Much faster…” The spores lifted themselves from the cap and drifted into the soil in the tank. “That should do it.”

“Are you gonna make them grow fast now?” Ruby asked.

“No,” he said. “That’s your job. No magic from this point forward. You’re going to grow these mushrooms the old fashioned way, just to prove you can.” He turned to Aziraphale, who was carrying the books now. “Aziraphale, how long does it say it takes porcini to grow?”

Aziraphale flipped open Fun with Fungi. “Not long. Maybe a day until we see results.”

“Cool,” Ruby breathed. “But what do I do? How do I grow them?”

“I’ve enchanted to tank to make it the perfect temperature and humidity,” Crowley said. “But the rest is up to you. Honestly, all you have to do is remember to water both the moss and the mushrooms. And it’s not even really proper watering. Just a bit of spritzing will do. Don’t want to drown the poor things. Which reminds me...” He rushed from the room and returned quickly with a large spray bottle. “This is for you.”

“Another spray bottle?” she asked, amused. 

“This one’s actually for spritzing your garden,” Crowley said. “Just be very careful. Don’t mix up your bottles and never point a bottle you’re unsure of at me. Just in case.”

"Thank you," she said.

They watched as Ruby watered her mushrooms for the first time. Aziraphale looked at his husband fondly. “You’re really enjoying this, aren’t you?”

Crowley smiled. “You know, I think I am.”

…

Crowley kept his promise to Ruby and talked to Aziraphale later that night. 

“Zira.”

“Yes, dear?” The former angel was situated in bed already, his nightcap on and glasses positioned just so for the optimal bedtime reading experience. He didn’t even look up from his book.

“You didn’t mean what you said before, did you? About absolutely _never_ allowing poison mushrooms in the house?”

He closed the book and pinched the bridge of his nose wearily. “Did she ask you to advocate on her behalf?”

“Not in so many words, no.”

He shook his head, unable to hide his amusement. “You are such a pushover, Crowley.”

“A pushover?”

“Yes. You’re sentimental. So very easily swayed by a cute face and - what is it the humans call it - puppy dog eyes?”

“I am not...I am _not_ easily swayed! I can say no to things.”

“Can you?”

“Yes, and I do all the time! I’ll have you know that I’m a bit of a rebel.”

“Are you?”

“Yes! I’m my own person and I make decisions based on rationality, not sentimentality!”

“Is that so?”

“Yes! I’m unable to be so easily manipulated.”

Aziraphale smirked. “Darling, could you get me a glass of water?”

He groaned. “But that’s all the way out of bed!”

Aziraphale blinked at him and gave him a soft smile of almost angelic innocent. “Please, my darling, my dearest, love of my life...Would you - could you - please get me a glass of water? I’d get it myself, but I’m so tired and you’re so good at fetching water...I’d be so grateful....”

He softened. “Oh alright then.” He got all the way to the door when he realized. “Wait, hang on, no!”

“Darling, the water…” Aziraphale began.

“Coming right up.”

Aziraphale watched him go with the satisfaction of a man who knows he’s winning on every front.

Crowley returned with the glass of water. He climbed into bed and handed it to Aziraphale. “Don’t think this gets us out of our discussion.”

Aziraphale sighed. “I’ll consider revisiting it when she’s proven that she’s capable of taking care of the ones she has and has proven her intent. Is that satisfactory?”

Crowley nodded. “I suppose it must be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm taking a break for about 3 weeks! Rest assured that I'll be back before Valentine's Day! Thank you for your patience!
> 
> I hope that readers who leave detailed comments know that I would die for them.


	3. Brass in Pocket

The day of Ruby’s big drama school audition arrived, and Ruby couldn’t’ve been more frantic if she tried. She hurried around the house and tried on multiple different outfits because she just couldn’t decide on the impression she wanted to make. 

She tried on a black dress and tights first. “See this is nice,” she said. “Classy. Not too showy. Blank canvas.”

“Very nice,” Aziraphale agreed.

“Unless it’s  _ too  _ nice? Like I’m trying too hard to look grown-up. And it might not make an impression.”

“What about that suit we got you?” Aziraphale offered.

“That’ll make an impression,” Crowley agreed.

She groaned. “Alright, I’ll try it. Still dunno if I’m the kind of person who  _ wears  _ those...Only agreed to it as a joke…”

She hurried off to change into it. She returned in a tacky pantsuit that was patterned with neon glittering stars over a purple canvas.

“That’ll make an impression,” Aziraphale said.

She threw her hands in the air. “Yeah, but is it the  _ right _ one? I want to be taken seriously - not audition for a comedy. I dunno, it doesn’t feel like me.”

She finally settled on a black off-the-shoulder top with a red mini skirt and black gogo boots. She started to throw on a leather jacket over it when Crowley stopped her.

“What’s the point of wearing off-the-shoulder if you’re gonna cover it with a jacket?” he asked.

“Fair point,” she replied, shrugging it off and throwing it on the bed. 

“80s inspired?” he asked, nodding at the ensemble.

“Vaguely,” she replied. “Though I can’t decide what to do with my hair.”

Crowley considered this a challenge. “I mean, a classic Molly Ringwald wouldn’t be beneath you. It’s on theme-”

“What are you out of your mind?” Aziraphale cut in, having been listening this whole time. “You’ve got to think bigger! This is an audition - you’ve got to take risks!”

Crowley put his hands on his hips and raised an eyebrow. “So what do you suggest, my love?” 

Aziraphale took a sip from his tea. “Wavy side part with a bow-knot headband.” 

Crowley marveled at him. “My husband is a genius.”

“No my  _ wife  _ is,” Aziraphale smiled, walking over to him. He put his arm around Crowley’s waist and kissed his cheek. He ran his fingers through Crowley’s hair. “I do remember a certain demon who looked simply  _ ravishing  _ with that hairstyle in...must’ve been...1986?”

Crowley gazed lovingly at Aziraphale. “You remembered?”

“Impossible to forget,” Aziraphale replied. He turned back to Ruby. “It’s a good style, very rock and roll, as they say. Crowley can show you how to do it.”

“I’m also going to need makeup,” Ruby said.

“Whatever for?” asked Aziraphale.

She rolled her eyes. “Oh don’t give me that old ‘you’re too pretty for makeup’ thing - this isn’t about looks. You know I don’t normally wear the stuff, but I’m going to be auditioning on the stage. I’ve read about it, and if you don’t have any makeup on they can’t see your face. I need them to see me if I’m going to make an impression. So I need to borrow some makeup. Figure Crowley must have some lying around somewhere. Probably invented guyliner.”

Crowley was surprised. “Yeah, I do, actually. Follow me.”

Crowley took her back to his bedroom closet and began going through his things. He was being very careful to try to block her view of the closet’s contents, but Ruby saw them anyway.

“Wait, hang on,” she said, stepping closer to him. “What was that?”

“What was what?” he asked, trying to pretend not to be nervous.

“That dress,” she said, obliviously. “It’s pretty. Whose is it?” She noticed the expression on his face. “Oh it’s yours?”

“Yeah,” he replied, stiffly. “They all are, actually.”

“Oh,” she said, nodding as she let this reality sink in. “I’ve never seen you wear any of these before.”

“I have to pick and choose the public places where I can dress like that,” he admitted. “And I didn’t...want to make you feel uncomfortable. I know how you were raised, so I didn’t want you to think…” He took a deep breath. “Here, let’s get to work on your hair. You can do your makeup however you like, we just don’t have a lot of time…” He handed her a small red-and-black plaid bag full of makeup.

Ruby suddenly understood a great many things about Crowley at once. She sat down in front of the vanity and allowed Crowley to begin taming her hair. “It’s not just that you dress like a woman, is it? These aren’t costumes for you...they’re part of who you are.”

“In a nutshell,” he nodded. “We don’t, technically speaking,  _ have  _ genders so how we present is up to us.”

She was surprised by this phrasing. “And sometimes you want to present as a woman?”

“Sometimes,” he admitted. “Having freedom of gender and expression is freeing. I get to be all sides of myself instead of just one rigid definition."

Ruby nodded again, though she wasn’t fully comprehending his meaning. “Aziraphale calls you his wife sometimes.”

This snapped him out of his ponderings. “Yes, he does.”

“I don’t think I ever thought about that before. You told me the first time we met, but I wasn’t really listening.”

“You were taking in a lot of information that night. It’s hardly your fault that you ignored what you had trouble comprehending.”

“Yeah but I almost immediately got the whole thing about you being a demon. The fact that it would take me this long to get this…”

“Ruby, it’s alright.” Crowley could feel her mixed emotions on this. “Just...just do your makeup, kid. We’ve got to leave soon so we can’t talk about this now.”

She dug through the bag to find something suitable to wear.

“You’ve got a lot of  _ great  _ colors,” she said. “How am I supposed to choose between Serpentine and Devil’s Matte-Vocate?”

Crowley smiled. “Aziraphale always liked the Devil’s Matte-Vocate. I’d highly recommend that for an audition, since the bright green Serpentine might be  _ too much  _ of an impression.”

“Noted,” she said, putting the Serpentine away and beginning to apply the red Devil’s Matte-Vocate.

“Make sure you put some foundation on,” Crowley advised her. “You’re even paler than I am, but I bet we can miracle it to be the right color.”

“Wouldn’t want it to be the wrong color,” she said, slowly. “There. That should do it.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You’re really going out with your makeup like that?”

She immediately saw his point. “You’re right. That’s playing it too safe.” She smudged her lipstick and eye makeup. “Better?”

He smiled. “No daughter of mine was gonna leave the house with perfectly applied makeup. Someone would think we’re actually respectable people!”

“Can’t have that,” she chuckled. 

…

Ruby was scheduled to be the last audition of the day, so the three of them waited anxiously for her name to be called.

“Do you want to rehearse more?” Aziraphale fluttered, pacing. “Do your monologue one more time?”

“I’m fine, Aziraphale,” Ruby said. “Whatever happens, happens. I’ve been rehearsing this monologue for months, so if I do it one more time there’s a real possibility that I could  _ over _ rehearse. I just need to take it from the cuff.” She sighed. “Please stop pacing, you’re making me think I should be nervous.”

“You’re not nervous?” he asked.

She shrugged. “I’ve been through so many scarier things than this. The only thing is…”

Aziraphale stopped pacing. “What is it?”

“Do you really think I’m ready?” she asked, anxiously. “To step back into the world? What if I’m not in control?”

“You are,” Aziraphale assured her. “I promise you.”

A teaching assistant stepped into the hallway. “Ruby Fell?”

Ruby took a deep breath and looked to her dads for strength. “Don’t wish me luck,” she said.

“Break a leg,” Aziraphale said, bracingly.

“I volunteer both of mine if it’ll help,” said Crowley. “Or better yet, where’s Gabriel, he had a pair of perfectly good legs last I checked! He owes us that much!”

That oddly did make her feel better, and she smiled to herself as she got up and entered the auditorium. She’d been prepped before-hand on the audition process and knew she was supposed to step up onto the stage. She stood in the single spotlight at center stage and squinted in the light, just able to make out the form of the single judge sitting in the audience. The judge was sitting directly in front of her at a small desk with papers on it. She was mid-twenties with dark glasses and long green hair that was braided like a fishtail over her left shoulder.

“Good afternoon,” the judge said, her bright purple-painted lips curving into an encouraging smile. “I’m the head of admissions, Freya Devlin. Take your time, whenever you’re ready. What’s your name?”

Ruby took a deep breath. “Ruby Fell.” She knew this was part of the process, but was slightly annoyed at having to say it when she knew her name was on the sheet Miss Devlin had in front of her.

“Alright, Ruby Fell,” Freya said. “What have you prepared for us? Be warned: I’ve seen about six Juliets today so you’ll have to really impress me if I’m going to see another one of those.”

“Actually,” Ruby said. “I’ve prepared a monologue from the cult ‘90s television show, Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”

Freya leaned forward with a sudden interest. “Gotta admit, I’ve never had anyone do one of those for me before. Gutsy. Tell me before you start: What is it about this monologue that drew you to it out of all the possible options?”

“I thought about doing some Shakespeare or Miller,” she admitted. “But then I figured you hear those every day and I wanted a chance to be different.”

“But why pick this one?”

“Honestly? Because I went through something recently and I’ve been watching Buffy all the way through for the first time to sort of cope with it. And this monologue really jumped at me. Helped me make sense of it.”

“So what is it?” Freya asked. “The ‘ready to be strong’ speech?”

Ruby tilted her head. “I actually haven’t gotten to that part yet, so no spoilers, please.”

Freya nodded and settled back in her seat. “Right, of course. So go on then. Whenever you’re ready.”

Ruby took another deep breath. “ Bottom line is, even if you see 'em coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does.” She left the mic and began pacing. She’d practiced projecting, so she was fairly confident her voice would carry. “So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are.”

Freya just looked at her for a moment as if sizing her up. “A Whistler monologue. I’ve got to admit I’m  _ very  _ surprised. Not one of the most dramatic  _ or  _ comedic monologues in either show. But it is one of the most compelling. Your delivery was captivating, I’ll admit that...but it  _ is  _ playing it a bit safe. I need to see more range. Because I’m going to be honest with you, that monologue felt very personal.”

“It was.”

“Which is good, don’t get me wrong...but it’s not acting. Pull from within you, but  _ be  _ someone else.”

Ruby smiled nervously. “My dad said I should’ve done Spike’s monologue about Dru breaking up with him. He thinks my Spike impression's funny.”

Freya raised her eyebrows. “Do you have that one memorized?”

Ruby took this as a challenge and shook herself slightly to loosen up her limbs. She sat on the edge of the stage and buried her face in her hands.

“She didn't even kill me!” she shouted, slurring slightly as if she was drunk. “She just left. She didn't care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire.” She looked up at Freya as if making a personal plea to her. “I mean was that so much to ask? You know. Some little sign she cared?” An edge of bitterness entered her voice. “It was that truce with Buffy that did it.” She got to her feet and began pacing. “Dru said I'd gone soft. Wasn't demon enough for the likes of her.” She stopped and turned back to Freya. “I told her it didn't mean anything! I was thinking of her the whole time! She didn't care. So we got to Brazil and she was just different. I gave her everything! Beautiful jewels, beautiful dresses with beautiful girls in them, but nothing made her happy. She would flirt. I caught her in the park with a chaos demon. A chaos demon! Have you ever seen a chaos demon? They're all slime and antlers.” She mimed having antlers. “They're disgusting. She only did it to hurt me. So I said ‘I'm not putting up with this anymore.’ She said ‘fine.’ I said ‘Yeah I've got an un-life you know.’ And she said...she said we could still be friends!” She sank to her knees and began crying into her hands. “God I'm so unhappy!”

There was a short pause before she got to her feet again with perfect composure. Freya laughed and clapped. “That  _ is  _ a good Spike impression. Faithful interpretation, but you made the character your own. Really  _ inhabited  _ it, so it didn’t feel like mimicry.”

“Yeah, well, he reminds me of my, ah...” She cast about for the right word to say. “Reminds me of Crowley. Both of them try so hard to look like punk-rock badasses but they’re complete disaster people.”

“I also think this is an interesting stylistic choice.” Freya gestured to Ruby’s outfit. “You came in here with monologues prepared from a late 90s TV show, yet you dress 80s. Talk me through that decision, because I’m betting it was very deliberate.”

“You really think I’d willingly dress myself like a Buffy character?” she asked. “I mean, sure, if that’s my costume, but you think I’d  _ really  _ dress all 90s? As if! That’s like if I’d come in to read for Ophelia in full Shakespearean clothing. Like isn’t that a  _ bit  _ of overkill?”

Freya smiled and looked through Ruby’s paperwork. “It says here that you’re not applying to the musical theatre program. I’m surprised because you have several musicals listed under your influences.”

“I’m not a great singer or dancer,” said Ruby. “Believe me, I inherited my dance skills from my parents. They’re both disasters on the dance floor too, though they’re too blind to realize they’re no good. This isn’t all to say that I wouldn’t want to work on musicals - I would! It’s just that I’d want to be in more of a backstage capacity.”

“You would?” Freya asked. 

She shrugged. “I want to learn everything.”

Freya considered this. “You know it is highly unusual that we agreed to see you at all,” she said. “I hope you realize the uniqueness of this situation. You have no stage credits at all. We don’t ever take candidates who lack experience.”

Ruby nodded, feeling her stomach sink but trying not to give that away. “And I appreciate your time, I really do. I’m glad for the experience.”

“I’m gonna level with you,” Freya said. “I wouldn’t have given you any consideration if I hadn’t looked over your application and noticed who your parents are.”

“You know them?” Ruby asked. Aziraphale and Crowley hadn’t mentioned this particular connection.

Freya nodded. “We go way back. Aziraphale got me my first audition when I was around your age. He had to call in favors to make it happen, of course, but he didn’t try to do that for you. I think he wanted to give you a chance to be seen on your own merit. So I felt I owed it to him to at least hear you out, because he wouldn’t put you forward unless he really saw something special in you. But more than that...the fact that they put you down as their daughter...I admit it made me curious. I wanted to meet the girl special enough to earn their name. That’s an honor they’ve never given to anyone before. Tell me, though, what do you hope to get out of this? Why do you want to pursue this line of work?”

“I like stories,” she admitted. “I always found them comforting. And, to be honest, I think the idea of it seems fun. A lot of work, sure, and probably a lot of uncertainty...but I always used to read those plays by Shakespeare or Miller and I’d practice them and just wish I could have a chance to be a part of bringing them to life in some way. To work with other people who were passionate about what I was passionate about...I don’t know, that’s the kind of life I want.”

“That’s a good answer,” Freya nodded. “And you mentioned working with other people. I’ve turned away a lot of applicants who were perfectly good because they didn’t seem like they could be a team player. In a production, no one person can be considered more important than anyone else. Talent doesn’t matter half as much as working hard and respecting your crew. I have to know before I make a decision whether you understand that this school will expect a lot out of you and even if you graduate from here with high marks it doesn’t guarantee you stardom. It’s a hard world out there, and not smooth-sailing. Not everyone can handle it.”

“I understand,” Ruby said. “But I promise you, however this turns out, I’m just here for the experience. I understand that being an actress is an insane decision and a huge risk, but all the best things I’ve ever done have started by taking insane risks. I promise I’ve thought this out and done the research. Now it’s time to step out of the wings.”

…

Aziraphale and Crowley waited in silence for some time.

“I felt something change before we left the house,” said Aziraphale slowly, taking the seat next to Crowley. “Do you want to talk about that?”

Crowley sighed, glad for the permission. “She saw my dresses. She finally put two and two together.”

“And?”

He shrugged. “You felt it too. I made her nervous-”

“Crowley, no-”

“I did. She was nervous and awkward. And that’s because I slipped up and let her see.”

“Crowley, you can’t know that  _ you  _ make her nervous. She experiences frequent anxiety. You don’t know that it has anything to do with you, especially on a day like today. What did she say?”

“Not much,” he admitted. “I changed the subject quickly.”

They could feel her emotions change again and stood up just before the door opened.

“You got  _ in _ ?” Aziraphale asked, a slow smile creeping across his face.

“I got in!” she exclaimed, bouncing slightly. She opened her arms wide. “Can I get a wahoo?”

Aziraphale and Crowley laughed and hugged her, overjoyed with the news.

“I knew you would!” Crowley said. “I never doubted it for a second!”

Ruby laughed and backed away from them. “You didn’t tell me you knew the head of admissions.” She put her hands on her hips and looked at them expectantly.

“We didn’t want you to think you were just going to get handed it,” Aziraphale admitted. “We didn’t even tell her that you were coming in.”

“That easily could have backfired,” she said. “They normally won’t see people without a resume AT ALL. The only reason she agreed to see me is because she noticed your names on my form.”

“Freya’s always been a fair judge,” Aziraphale said. 

“We should go out and celebrate,” Crowley said, enthusiastically. “Ruby got into drama school!”

“Yeah, well, about that,” Ruby said. “Devlin invited us to dinner tonight. She said you’d know the address.”

…

They returned to the cottage with a good few hours to spare before they had to be at dinner, but nothing to do in the meantime.

“I’ll pop out to the greenhouse for a bit,” Crowley said. “Then I’ll get ready.”

“You do that, sweetheart,” said Aziraphale, absently. He began making his way toward the den, thinking he might like to read in the meantime.

“Dad.” The voice was small and uncertain, and stopped him in his tracks. “Can I...ask you something?”

Aziraphale turned around to see Ruby wringing her hands in an all-too-familiar way. “Of course, my dear,” he said.

“It’s just…about…”

“Crowley?” he asked gently. When she looked surprised, he added: “Yes, he told me you two had a short conversation. You’re uncomfortable?”

“No!” She rushed to get this statement out. “It’s not him, he doesn’t make me uncomfortable. Oh god, there I am saying ‘he’. Am I supposed to say ‘he’? Is it ‘she’ or some other word, I don’t want to say the wrong thing-”

“Crowley’s always been fine with ‘he’,” Aziraphale assured her. “And accepts most gendered words, provided they’re nice. I have a complicated relationship with gender, but Crowley’s relationship with gender makes mine look simple.”

“So Crowley’s what? Trans?”

“Not exactly. I mean, yes. Sort of. Crowley’s not human, so we can’t really claim that title. I identify the most closely with the non-binary identity, but I’d never want to take that claim away from actual human experience. You know Crowley threw stones at Stonewall? He didn’t start it, but he was there.”

“I’m not...sure what that means.”

“Ask him sometime, he’ll tell you all about it. I’m just saying that Crowley doesn’t use the word ‘trans’ because we were created genderless, so we weren’t assigned anything. But Crowley does identify particularly strongly with that community, and is very honored to be included with them. This really is the sort of conversation you should have with him.”

“I will, I will. It’s just...I was wondering if you had any...books? About this stuff? Because I can’t really...wrap my head around it and I’d like to understand. I don’t want to pester Crowley with questions and make him uncomfortable. I’d like to try to do my research first.”

Aziraphale was struck again by the kindness of this girl. She’d been raised in such an environment that had likely taught her to view gender as a strict binary, but here she was taking a step back and trying to learn - not for her sake, but for the comfort of someone else.

“I’ll see what I can do about gathering some resources,” said Aziraphale. “But I guarantee you that you won’t be pestering Crowley. He likes talking to you. Remember that at this moment, he’s more anxious about your reaction than you are about his.”

She nodded. “I also...wanted to ask you something else.”

“Yes, my dear?”

She was clearly a bit nervous about asking this. “It doesn’t matter. You might not even know the answer to this one.”

Crowley had gone outside and gotten halfway to the greenhouse when he felt Ruby's anxiety spike. He made up an excuse to go back into the house.

"Forgot I already watered the plants today," he said. "Don't want to spoil them." He looked between the two of them. "Am I interrupting something?"

"No," Ruby said. "I just had a question."

“I’m sure whatever it is, Aziraphale will try his best,” Crowley said, throwing himself down in an armchair and dangling his legs over the armrest. He pulled out his phone and pretended to be looking at things on the internet. “Aziraphale knows everything.”

“I don’t know everything,” Aziraphale replied, appreciatively. “Though I do normally know where to find out.”

Ruby was clearly still uncomfortable. “Right. Well. I was just...Well, I noticed that I haven’t, you know, had my, y’know, time of the month since, y’know, the rebirth...thing.” She took a breath and plowed on ahead at breakneck speed. “Which, you know, I’m not complaining about, exactly, because I didn’t want to  _ have  _ a time of the month in the first place-”

Aziraphale was a bit taken aback, but wasn’t certain he was understanding her meaning. “I-I’m sorry, I’m not certain I understand your question?” He could sense this was causing her no end of embarrassment, but he couldn’t figure out why.

Crowley was the first one to understand. “Oh,” he said, letting his phone fall onto the chair cushion. His eyes widened. “ _ Oh. _ ” He sat up straighter but didn’t look at her, in case it caused her to be further embarrassed. “Zira, it’s her…” He cast about for a word to use that wouldn’t embarrass her. “Her, y’know... _ moon cycle _ ...thing.”

Aziraphale frowned, no less confused. “Lycanthropy?”

Crowley put his face in his hands for the briefest moment. “Zira, for heaven’s - for God’s-” He groaned, frustrated by the common vernacular’s inability to contain his meaning. “Not lycanthropy, Aziraphale.  _ The other curse. The actual real one.” _

Aziraphale’s eyes widened as he understood. “ _ Oh _ . I apologize, my dear. I occasionally forget the intricacies of human, eh, biology. No need to be ashamed or embarrassed.”

Ruby frowned at Crowley. “Wait did you say curse? Because I always said it was, but why did you say it?”

Crowley was determined not to enter into that conversation, so kept them to the matter at hand. “How long have you been, eh, not menstr…” He could see the embarrassment on her face. “How long has this been happening?”

"Or, rather, not," Aziraphale added.

She sighed. “I’m not sure? I was on birth control for the last 5 months of my life, so that had it stopped. But I haven’t been on anything since I, eh, regenerated or whatever, so the fact that it didn’t come back…” She took a deep breath. “Look, this is what I wanted. I didn’t want to deal with it anymore. It was an inconvenience, I could never track when it was coming or predict how messy it was gonna be. Sometimes it was just minor cramping but sometimes it was so bad that I couldn’t move or eat or anything. I don’t want that to come back. But if you had any reason why it hasn’t come back that doesn’t end with ‘the Virgin Mary’ then I’d be very  _ very  _ glad to hear it. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t even be talking about this...”

“Why shouldn’t you be talking about it?” asked Crowley.

“Because it’s not done,” Ruby said. “You’re not supposed to talk about periods, especially around men.”

Crowley smiled. “Good thing we’re not exactly men, then.”

Aziraphale thought about this. “I don’t know why you wouldn’t be menstruating, Ruby. Normally with a question of this magnitude, I’d say we ask God for help-”

Ruby shook her head. “No way. Don’t need her help.”

“But we don’t need to involve her in your personal business,” Aziraphale concluded. “As I said, I can’t offer you a conclusive answer, but could I venture a hypothesis?”

She was so relieved to be receiving any kind of answer - clearly this had been weighing on her mind. “Please.”

“You’re a nephilim,” Aziraphale explained. “Not only are you the first self-made nephilim, but you’re also  _ our  _ nephilim. The product of an angel, a demon, and a witch. The amount of raw magic incorporated into your genes is too volatile to be allowed to be passed on.”

“Meaning?” she prompted.

“Meaning,” said Aziraphale. “That it’s likely that this body wasn’t built with reproductive capability or organs. I can’t verify this as fact, but it seems likely to me that God would see the potential for destruction that a descendant of yours could possess and decided it was too risky to allow you to procreate with humanity.”

“Meaning?”

“He means,” said Crowley. “That you may never have children. Biologically, anyway.”

They’d both expected this to be a bombshell, something that shocked her to her core. But she took it surprisingly in stride. “Oh. Okay. That’s alright then.”

“Is it?” asked Crowley.

“Yeah. I mean...I thought there was a chance I was Miss Teen Immaculate Conception for a second there so that is  _ way  _ better news!”

“Are you sure, my dear?” asked Aziraphale. “I may not even be correct, and you’re still young anyhow-”

She laughed. “Yeah, this is brilliant! I always said that being pregnant sounded like a horror show and I never really wanted kids anyway.”

“But all the same, it’s nice to have the option, isn’t it?” asked Crowley.

“You two have done just fine without having the option,” Ruby pointed out. “If I ever changed my mind, I could just adopt. Too many kids out there who are like I used to be, you know? Why bring a new child into the world when you can help one who’s already stuck here?”

Aziraphale smiled. “That is...remarkably kind, Ruby.”

“Yeah, but still saying I don’t wanna have kids,” she carried on. “Can you imagine  _ me  _ with a  _ kid _ ? It would be positively Shakespearean.”

“Comedy or Tragedy?” prompted Aziraphale.

“Let’s hope we never find out,” she laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so it's happening. Again, going forward, if I make any mistakes on the gender talk, just let me know. I did research and talked to people, but there's always a chance I got something wrong.


	4. Don't Let Me Get Me

Freya Devlin’s cottage was exactly how Ruby imagined a fairytale witch’s would be. Lots of ivy climbed the stone walls and the window shutters were old with carvings of roses on them. They walked slowly up the cracked cobblestone path and knocked on the blue front door using the brass knocker that was shaped like a dragon.

The door almost immediately swung open and a tawny-skinned woman who definitely wasn’t Freya stood behind it. She wore her black hair in a bob and wore skinny blue glasses that were affixed to her face with a chain.

“Aziraphale!” she grinned, clasping his hands in delight. “And Crowley! So good to see you!  And this must be the prodigy - or is it protege?” 

“It’s just Ruby,” said Ruby, awkwardly.

“So lovely to meet you, Ruby,” the woman said, smiling kindly. “You can call me Maggie. Come in, come in!”

She ushered them inside and closed the door. Ruby had a moment to look around the house at all the various strange knick knacks that cluttered it.

“Freya!” Maggie called towards the kitchen. “Our guests have arrived!”

There was some surprised clattering that sounded like utensils then Freya emerged from the kitchen.

“Aziraphale!” she exclaimed. “Crowley! I’m so glad you could make it!”

“Freya!” Aziraphale exclaimed. “It’s been far too long!” Ruby couldn’t help but notice that Aziraphale fawned over her slightly.

Freya laughed. “I saw you at your wedding, remember? I gave the toast right after Kate Pierson?”

“Oh but that was  _ ages  _ ago,” Aziraphale replied, warmly.

“Your hair,” Ruby said. “You’ve changed it.”

“Oh, right,” Freya said, reaching up to touch her shockingly red hair. “Forgot I did that. What color was it earlier?”

“Green,” Ruby reminded her.

“Right, yes, green,” she nodded. “Well, I like changing up my wigs as often as possible. Keeps people on their toes.” She put an arm around Maggie. “Only one person knows what color my actual hair is. Or, rather, was. I dye it a lot too.”

Aziraphale coughed pointedly. “ _ I  _ also know what color your hair is,” he reminded her. “Don’t forget I helped you dye it the first time.”

“I said the only  _ person _ ,” she said with a good-natured smile. “Now, let’s move this all to the dining room.” She clapped her hands. “I hope you all like seafood pasta?”

…

Aziraphale and Crowley sat on either side of Ruby while Freya and Maggie sat across from them. 

“I’ll pop open a few bottles,” Freya said, graciously. “I know how much you two enjoy your wine.”

“Actually,” Crowley said. “We’re cutting back. For the good of our daughter, you know.”

“But one glass each wouldn’t hurt,” Aziraphale added. 

Ruby was definitely picking up on the fact that Aziraphale seemed quite fond of Freya, which, given that he was usually rather cold to anyone who wasn’t her or Crowley, bothered her just the slightest bit. She told herself, however, that she was being ridiculous. She couldn’t even say, exactly, what it was about that fact that was bothering her, so she figured it must be an irrational feeling. She knew that it was important to learn how to control her feelings if she ever hoped to control her magic, so she endeavored not to allow it to show. Freya was actually a really cool person and Ruby figured she should take this opportunity to learn from her.

“You’re a really good cook,” said Ruby. 

“Aziraphale taught me,” Freya said. “When I was barely older than you are. I’ll never be on his level, but I do alright.”

“You should’ve seen the spread at the picnic the other day,” Ruby said. “I was just picking over the leftovers and he just makes the most amazing stuff.”

Freya raised her eyebrows. “You two went on a picnic?”

“Well, technically it was just supposed to be Aziraphale and Crowley,” said Ruby. “I sort of crashed.”

“Don’t say that, Ruby,” said Aziraphale. “We’ve told you that we enjoy your company.”

“You should hear some of the things that come out of her mouth,” Crowley said. “We were picnicking up in Devil’s Dyke and when I say she had some thoughts about that…”

“I thought it was like a lesbian reservation or something,” Ruby said. “Still think it was a reasonable assumption, given the name.”

Freya and Maggie had taken simultaneous sips of their wine and choked at the same time.

“We still can’t agree on why it’s called that,” said Aziraphale. “ _ I’d  _ heard that the Devil was digging a trench to flood the churches when he was spooked by an angry rooster-”

“-But the story is  _ obviously  _ that the Devil was spooked by an old woman with a candle,” Crowley cut in. “Equally unlikely, but that’s the way the story goes.”

“You’re talking about the story of how Devil’s Dyke got its name?” asked Maggie. “Because neither of those stories are right.”

“Oh?” asked Aziraphale, raising his eyebrows.

She nodded. “The way I always heard it has nothing to do with any trench. I always heard that the Devil was in goat form, but like Godzilla size. He was gonna crush everything with his hooves. But when he smelled salt water, he feared that his fur would get wet, so he ran away. He left behind only a hoof-print, which became known as Devil’s Dyke.”

“That’s...somehow even madder than the other two,” mused Crowley.

“But also not right!” Freya cut in. “None of those are how the story goes! There was trench-digging, like Aziraphale and Crowley said, but the Devil stubbed his toe on a rock. He got so mad about it that he kicked the stone into Hove, where it’s now known as the Goldstone.”

Crowley considered this variant. “That...is actually more on brand for him. Still mad as a sack of frogs, but I can see it.”

Ruby had found the discussion of local folklore to be incredibly interesting, but now the conversation was lagging. She turned to Freya. “So how long have you been a teacher?” 

“Be polite, dear,” Aziraphale gently reminded her, fearing that she may be being impertinent. “Remember to call her ‘Miss Devlin’.”

Freya chuckled. “It’s alright, Aziraphale. I don’t like people calling me ‘miss’ or ‘ma’am’. Like I’m better than them or something? Just call me Freya, kid.”

Ruby warmed to her at these words. “So how long have you been teaching, Freya?”

“Not long,” she admitted. “Truth be told, I don’t even have a teaching degree.”

Ruby was surprised. “Then why…?”

Freya smiled, a sudden interest taking hold. “Oh this is a treat,” she said, turning to Aziraphale and Crowley. “She doesn’t know who I am?”

“She was very sheltered,” Aziraphale replied. “And she didn’t grow up in Britain or around the West End or Broadway circuits.”

Freya was absolutely enchanted by this concept. “She’s auditioning for a theatre school with no stage experience, never having been to a professional show, and doesn’t know who I am? She’s a complete blank slate. That explains the lack of pretension. I’d thought she was simply acting more confident than the other applicants because she had nerve. But she, unlike the other applicants, didn’t think there was reason to impress me personally. She’s completely new to this world.”

“You could say that,” Ruby said, under her breath.

“This is a good thing,” Freya assured her. “A  _ very  _ good thing - or at least a fascinating prospect. You’re not angling to be something that you think you ought to be. By this stage, most people who enter this school have set out to carve identities in some way related to their theatre ambition. But you’ve not carved yourself out of anything. You just are. In stark contrast to me, even. By your age I was frequenting the West End message boards.”

Ruby blinked at her before turning to Aziraphale. “Does she always talk like this?”

“But I didn’t answer your question, did I?” Freya got herself back on track. “I was given the teaching position when I have off-time between productions. I’m a three-time Tony Award-Winner and one-time Olivier-winning performer. I’ve also directed one of the plays I appeared in.”

Ruby was stunned into silence. “Wow. What’s an Olivier?”

Freya chuckled. “This is going to be  _ very  _ fun,” she said. Then she turned serious. “Don’t misunderstand me, Ruby. This dinner doesn’t indicate that you will receive preferential treatment based on your...parentage. You’ll have to work just as hard as anybody else.”

“I intend to,” said Ruby.

Freya seemed satisfied with her answer. “Good. So tell me, Ruby, what do you aim to get out of this? At your age I had my sights set on Velma Kelly...who I played in three consecutive tours. They wanted me to return for a fourth, but it’s exhausting being on the road so much when your girlfriend can’t exactly travel with you.” She smiled at Maggie and reached over to take her hand. “Of course, now I’m going to have to come up with lesson plans…” She frowned. “And possibly  _ grades…” _

“Uh, well,” Ruby said. “I’m sort of aiming for the Royal Shakespeare Company.”

Freya laughed, not an unkind sound but rather one of surprise. “Really? You’re not outwardly pretentious at all, but you still aim straight for Shakespeare!”

“Shakespeare’s plays aren’t pretentious,” Ruby replied, somewhat defensively. “If you really understand his work it’s all a collection of loosely threaded dick-jokes. It’s the modern purists of Shakespeare who are pretentious.”

“An excellent point,” said Freya.

There was a short pause while they all ate. 

“So how do you all...know each other?” Ruby asked, as casually as possible.

Freya glanced at Aziraphale. “He really hasn’t ever mentioned me? He’s not exactly one to  _ not  _ name-drop.”

“It simply didn’t come up,” Aziraphale replied.

“That’s a bit of a long story, Ruby,” Freya deflected, taking a sip of her wine. “One for another time, I’m afraid. But I did want to talk to you about one thing. You had to have known that I would have the auditorium spelled.”

“Spelled?” asked Ruby.

“Standard procedure for all auditions I run. I put an enchantment on it so I’d be able to tell if anyone was using magic to cheat.”

“You’re a witch?” Ruby asked.

Freya smiled. “Not born that way, but I do practice.” She took another sip of her wine. She gestured to Maggie. “We both are.”

“Speaking of witches,” Maggie cut in. “How is that  _ charming  _ Anathema?”

“You know Anathema?” asked Ruby.

Freya waved her hand dismissively. “Of course we do, she was at the wedding. And she is, like-”

“So hot,” Maggie nodded.

“Like  _ absurdly  _ hot,” Freya nodded.

“And we make it a habit of checking up on our attractive friends who are inexplicably not lesbians,” added Maggie.

“Just to make sure they don’t need help,” Freya added.

“Anathema’s doing well,” Aziraphale replied, amused. “She’s starting a podcast.”

Maggie nodded. “She would do, yeah.”

“Ruby’s going to be helping out with it,” he added.

“But  _ anyway _ ,” Freya said. “As I was saying. I had the auditorium spelled, just as a precaution. But I needn’t’ve bothered, apparently, because this girl didn’t use even an ounce of magic and still managed to be impressive.”

“You thought I’d use magic?” Ruby asked.

“You can never be too careful,” Freya said. “And besides, with your...parentage...it’s better safe than sorry. I mean, who  _ knows  _ what  _ you  _ could be! Has to be something rather  _ special  _ to get  _ these two  _ to have interest in you.” 

“You know what they are?” Ruby asked, surprised. She knew they didn’t exactly advertise.

“We’ve got some ideas that they’ve never confirmed,” Maggie said. 

“All we know for sure is that they aren’t human,” added Freya. She took a sip of wine. “So where’ve they got you staying?”

“In the cottage with them.”

“You  _ live  _ with them?” Freya was truly shocked by this information. “Where on  _ Earth  _ do you sleep in that tiny house?”

“I made an addition to the cottage, actually,” Crowley explained. “Made, ah...room, I guess you could say.” He, Aziraphale, and Ruby all chuckled slightly at the way he phrased this.

Freya almost didn’t know what to say. “Honestly, I didn’t see that one coming.”

“Why not?” Ruby asked, perplexed.

“Because, to my knowledge, Aziraphale’s never allowed  _ any  _ of the people he’s helped to stay with him,” Freya said. “He’s very kind, but always a bit distant. And  _ none  _ of us expected that  _ Crowley  _ would agree to having a child in the house...but then again...none of us know him very well…” Her eyes snapped over to him.

Maggie touched her arm and smiled. “Darling, would you be so kind as to help me with the dessert?”

Freya took this as a cue. She smiled graciously at her guests. “We’ll only be a moment.”

…

“The pie is just warming in the oven,” Freya said as soon as they got to the kitchen. “So it’s hardly a two person job. Which tells me that you wanted to talk in private.”

Maggie smiled fondly at her and shook her head. “You need to stop being jealous of that little girl.”

This threw her off completely. “Jealous? What would I have to be jealous about? Are you suggesting that a person who was nominated for several awards for playing Christine Daae on Broadway could be jealous of a sixteen-year-old who hasn’t had a single credit to her name?”

“It’s not a professional jealousy,” Maggie said. “I know how impressed you were with her audition. It’s about the fact that she’s their daughter.”

She crossed her arms. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Maggie gave her a knowing, but patient, look. “You’re wearing the Satine wig again.”

“So?”

“You tend to wear that to events that you  _ know  _ Crowley is going to attend,” she pointed out.

“I don’t even know the man that well-”

“But you still want his approval,” Maggie said. “It’s not surprising. You always wanted Aziraphale’s too, so it’s natural that any partner he has is going to be someone you want to get closer to. It’s just like how you started dyeing your hair blonde to get Aziraphale’s approval. You always wanted him to think of you as a daughter, knowing full-well that he keeps emotional distance from everyone he helps. I know that it rattled you when you saw their names listed as parents, but seeing them all so obviously close...Seeing the way Aziraphale  _ and  _ Crowley give her attention when Crowley especially tends to be impassive...That has to sting a little. But I’m going to remind you that it’s only natural to feel a bit of an insecure attachment after what you went through-”

“Are you going somewhere with this?”

Maggie recognized that she was treading on dangerous ground. “You remember why you invited her here tonight? Because it wasn’t anything to do with talent or complicated personal feelings about the situation. You were trying to refer her to me. You said you had a feeling that something was up with her because, and I quote: ‘After I told her she’d been accepted, she looked as if she was so unused to getting what she wanted that she didn’t quite believe it at first.’”

Freya nodded. “I swear to Shakespeare that girl was ten seconds away from asking if she was being Punk’d. So what do you think?”

“Unfortunately I think your initial instinct was correct. She hasn’t given away anything, but just based on her mannerisms...I think she could benefit from my help. The hard part will be convincing them to accept it.”

…

Meanwhile, in the dining room:

“So she seems nice,” Ruby said. “They both do. Really nice people.”

Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a knowing look.

“So,” Ruby continued, obliviously. “Freya said you helped her get her first audition?”

Aziraphale’s eyes misted over as he reminisced. “Ah yes. She was  _ barely  _ older than you are, Ruby. She was Nancy in a West End production of Oliver.  _ Very  _ impressive for a teenager with no training or previous credits.”

Ruby nodded. “Right, yes, of course. Very impressive.”

Aziraphale looked at her intently. “Ruby, dear...Are you quite alright?”

“Sure I am,” she smiled, reassuringly. “It’s just a lot to live up to, is all. The bar’s been set pretty high.”

“I don’t know what you mean, dear.”

“Ruby,” Crowley said, slowly. “You have to know there is no reason for you to be jealous of Freya.”

She glared at him. “Jealous? I don’t get  _ jealous. _ ”

“Sure you do,” he said, patiently. “I can feel it  _ wafting  _ from you even though you keep  _ trying  _ to push it down.”

Just then, their two hosts reentered the room.

...

“It was a lovely evening,” Aziraphale smiled as they gathered once more around the door. “The food was delicious. We really must do this again sometime.”

“Actually, Aziraphale,” Maggie said. “We wondered whether you and Crowley might stay just a moment longer? We had something we want to discuss with you.”

Aziraphale smiled at Ruby. “Why don’t you wait in the car, dear? We’ll be right out.”

“Fine,” she rolled her eyes. “But  _ I’m  _ picking the music on the way home.” She turned to Freya. “The food  _ was  _ pretty good.” She then left without another word.

“Sorry,” Aziraphale smiled, apologetically. “She’s not much of a conversationalist with strangers.”

“What did you need to talk to us about?” Crowley asked.

“About that, actually,” Maggie said. “You never said: How did you end up with her?”

Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a look.

“That’s a long story,” Crowley said. “One that she prefers to keep private. She’s our daughter, that’s all you need to know.”

“She does look  _ so  _ much like you,” Maggie said. “Incredible for an adoption - which is what I assume you did?”

“Yes and no,” Crowley replied. “It’s complicated.”

“You two are very careful around her,” Maggie pushed on. “That suggests two possibilities which might both be true: That she had some kind of trauma that you’re very careful not to remind her of or that she has some kind of power that you’re careful not to trigger.” She read their faces. “Ah. So it _is_ both.”

“I don’t feel comfortable talking about her in her absence,” said Aziraphale.

“Are you having her see someone?” Maggie pressed. “Professionally, I mean?”

“No,” Crowley said, firmly. “I mean how would that even work? You can’t make a typical therapist understand her situation. Besides, she’s doing fine. Much better than could be expected. Sure she might have trouble controlling her magic reliably and there are the occasional nightmares, and she has a tendency to apologize for taking up space-"

"And talking-" added Aziraphale.

"And asking for anything-"

"And existing-"

"But she’s getting better every day," Crowley said firmly. "She’s  _ literally  _ a completely different person now. Anathema’s been working with her as have the both of us.”

“Which is valuable training, I’m sure,” Maggie said. “But her control issues aren’t going to get better just by teaching control. That’ll just lead to repression, which will lead to some real Jean Grey-level explosiveness. You need to get to the root cause of her instability. And I, being an a-typical therapist am just the person to help.”

Aziraphale was beginning to realize what she was getting at. “What do you suggest?”

“Come on, Aziraphale,” she said. “You know what I do. I’m a licensed trauma specialist with certifications in CBT, DBT, and EMDR. I’m also close to receiving my certification as a specialist in childhood developmental disorders, but that’s not strictly relevant. Point is, I’ve got a fancy office and a door that says ‘Maggie Malick’ on it. I think I could be valuable to you. You keep doing the work you’re doing with her and I’ll help her work through whatever it is that’s holding her back.”

“Are you asking to be Ruby’s therapist?” Crowley asked.

“Well I  _ do  _ always make the joke that being a witch  _ and  _ a therapist technically makes me a witch doctor,” Maggie joked. “That makes me the only qualified person to treat her. And I think you should seriously consider it. Early intervention is key. She’s developing habits and coping mechanisms that she’ll have for the rest of her life. Redirecting her towards healthy ways of coping could really set the course for the rest of her life. Or we could leave it all to chance and see what happens.”

…

“Fiiinally,” Ruby huffed, kicking the back of Crowley’s seat as he got in the car. “You guys took foreeeever. Now hand over the mystical aux cord that we miracled into working in this oldsmobile, because you promised I’d pick the music. Don’t worry, I’m more in the mood for some early 2000s pop…”

She managed to turn on ‘Don’t Let Me Get Me’ by P!NK while Crowley started the car and pulled out of the driveway. The two adults exchanged a look.

“Listen, Ruby, there’s something we wanted to discuss with you,” Aziraphale began, anxiously.

“Is this where you tell me you’re gay?” Ruby teased, absently. “Because I think I already figured that one out…”

“No, my dear…” He looked to Crowley for help.

“It’s actually about Maggie,” Crowley said. “She’s actually...she’s offered to help you.”

“Help me what?” she asked, still not paying a whole lot of attention.

“Well, she’s, you know, a witch.”

“Yes, I figured that one out, funnily enough.”

“And a licensed therapist. Specializing in childhood trauma.”

Suddenly Ruby was paying a lot of attention. “And what are you saying?” she asked, in a dangerously low voice. “Are you saying I’m crazy, Crowley?”

“No, it’s not that at all,” Crowley assured her. “We just thought maybe she could help you to, you know,  _ not  _ be crazy in the future.”

Aziraphale jumped into the conversation. “We simply wanted to present it as an option. You don’t have to accept her help if you don’t want to. We only thought it might be healthier for you to work through what happened to you-”

“It didn’t happen to me, it happened to Evangeline,” she interjected.

Aziraphale floundered, unsure how best to respond to that. “But it  _ did  _ happen to you. You still carry the psychological weight of it and...Well, we know you’ve been finding it difficult to control your abilities, and you still have problems with your confidence.”

“Don’t forget,” Crowley added. “That you told us today you weren’t sure you were ready for school because you’re not certain if you can control yourself.”

Aziraphale nodded. “You don’t have to tell Maggie everything if you don’t want to. But she might be able to help you get to the root of the problem. Sure we know what the root of the problem  _ is _ , but clearly we haven’t worked through it. We’ve only separated you from it.”

Ruby considered this, though she didn’t like it. “Do you really think this is best?”

“We’re not sure,” Crowley said. “I only know that it wouldn’t be best to make you do anything against your will. If it’s not something you want to do, then you don’t have to. It’s just an option.”

“I trust you,” she said. “If you think this can help me, then I’ll do it.”


	5. Pushing Out the Light

“I didn’t realize that shrinks did house calls,” was the first thing that Ruby Fell said when Maggie arrived at the house one afternoon. Aziraphale and Crowley had told Maggie that they’d find her on a bench in the garden.

“I’m an unusual sort,” said Maggie. She nodded at the book Ruby had been reading. “What are you reading?”

“Nothing,” she said, hastily stowing it away. “It’s just a gender critique. A set of short essays and poems about gender.”

“Interesting subject matter,” said Maggie. “Do you consider yourself a feminist?”

Ruby nodded. “I do. Aziraphale actually let me borrow this.”

Maggie gestured to the greenhouse. “Would you like to go in here? We can talk further.”

“Alright,” she said, getting off the bench and following her inside. “Weird sort of place for an appointment. Aren’t you supposed to have an office with a couch in it?”

“I do,” Maggie nodded. “But it’s important that you feel safe and comfortable for these sessions. Taking you to a new environment this early in the process might make you feel more anxious.”

“It might help me if Aziraphale and Crowley could join me,” Ruby said. “I’d just feel more comfortable with them here.”

“Why’s that?” Maggie asked. “What is it about their presence that makes you feel safe?”

“It’s not that they make me feel safer,” Ruby replied, stiffly. “I can take care of myself.”

“But it _is_ an issue of safety for you,” Maggie insisted. “Even if you can take care of yourself, it’s nice to know that you don’t have to be alone in your corner. Being apart from them makes you feel more exposed and uncertain.”

“I guess,” Ruby grumbled.

“Then summon them,” Maggie said.

This threw her off. “What?”

“Summon them,” Maggie repeated. “Eventually there may come a time when you need to take these appointments on your own, but I need you to feel safe right now. There’s nothing wrong with needing extra support, so long as we don’t let you lean on it too much.”

Ruby was too surprised to speak for a moment. “Erm…” She cleared her throat and raised her voice. “Aziraphale? Crowley? Can you, uh...come here, please?” She said this stiffly - clearly she was embarrassed to be calling for them in the first place.

And suddenly they teleported to her, one of them standing at each side of her.

“What is it, Ruby?” Aziraphale fussed. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, fine,” she shrugged off the attention. “Maggie just said you guys could be here for this today.”

“Oh Ruby,” Aziraphale said, with just a touch of exasperation. “You haven’t been bullying Maggie into letting you have us here?”

“Bullying?” Ruby repeated, crossing her arms. “What’d’ya mean, ‘bullying’?”

“Well,” Crowley said. “You _did_ sort of bully God into letting us into that alternate plane of existence.”

“I’m sorry,” Maggie interrupted. “She did _what_?”

“Long story,” Ruby waved this off as unimportant. “I was dead.”

“I do hope you’re _trying_ to be polite to Maggie, Ruby,” Aziraphale frowned. “She’s only trying to help.”

“She’s been doing fine,” Maggie said. “She hasn’t been pressuring me into anything. It was my idea to have her summon you. I think having you here could put her more at ease.”

“Alright then,” Aziraphale said, sighing with relief. “In that case, why don’t we find somewhere to sit?”

They walked to the very center of the greenhouse.

“Can I ask,” Maggie began. “What’s with the cauldron and the coffin?”

The cauldron and the coffin were still exactly where they’d been all those months ago.

“I haven’t gotten around to clearing them out yet,” Crowley replied, apologetically.

“Another long story,” Ruby said.

“The same long story, actually,” Aziraphale amended.

“I was dead,” Ruby explained.

“Interesting,” said Maggie. “We can start there if you like or we can talk about something else. It’s up to you.”

“Actually, I think we should start here,” Crowley said. He waved a hand and vanished the coffin and the cauldron. Instead, in the middle of the floor, a small sofa appeared. Crowley waved his hand again and a small armchair appeared opposite the sofa. “Now we can sit.”

Ruby sat on the sofa with her parents on either side of her. Maggie took the armchair.

“Now,” Maggie said. “Where would you like to begin? Go at your own pace, there’s no rush.” 

When Ruby didn’t offer up anything, Maggie spoke again. “All of you are free to speak. Consider this family therapy.” She gave a meaningful look to the two adults. “You know Freya always thought you two could use a good counselor.”

“Oh no, we’re fine, really,” Aziraphale stammered.

“We don’t need any help,” Crowley added.

“Oh come on, guys,” Ruby rolled her eyes. “If I need therapy about _my_ childhood, then so do you. You guys are probably as screwed up as I am. Everyone wants to say I grew up in a cult, but so did you.”

"What do you mean?" asked Aziraphale, icily. "I've never been in a cult."

"I've been reading a lot about cults since what happened to me," said Ruby. "You know that. I know all the signs now. You were in a cult."

"I was not-"

"Yes you were, Aziraphale," Crowley said, softly.

Aziraphale stopped short and spluttered at Crowley instead. "I suppose you're going to try to say you weren't?"

"No, I was," Crowley acknowledged. "I always knew that we were in separate, competing cults. I just did my best. Stayed away from them as much as possible, did my own thing here. You were too deep in your own denial to recognize that you weren't necessarily on the right side of things. Heaven and Hell were the original cults. I was just willing to admit that."

A short silence followed these words.

"Do you wish to elaborate on that?" Maggie prompted. Nobody spoke. "Well we know one thing for sure. Your girl is very perceptive."

“She’s not afraid to speak her mind, that’s for sure,” Crowley grumbled.

“You know what,” Maggie said, changing her tactic. “Let’s try something else. I forgot this isn’t a typical session. You’ve got magic, Ruby. We should work on some of that and just see what comes up.”

“I don’t know if you can help,” Ruby said. “I mean, I’ve already got a witch helping me with the witch stuff. But I’m not just a witch. I’m part angel and part demon.”

Maggie glanced at Aziraphale, who nodded to show that this was, indeed, true. She looked back to Ruby. “We can still work with that. What have you been having particular trouble with lately?"

“I’m having some issues with Creation Magic,” she admitted. “I keep trying to Create or breathe new life into something, but whenever I try it dies. The only time it actually works is if I just create the template and Aziraphale and Crowley finish bringing it to life.”

“Interesting,” Maggie said. “Can I see an example of that?”

Ruby exchanged looks with Aziraphale and Crowley, then got up and crossed the room to look at a small rose. 

“See,” she said. “This is what happens when I try to do something that should be simple, like add a new bud.” She cupped her hands around the plant and a light green light emanated from her palms. A new bud began growing from the stem.

“Oh that’s lovely!” Maggie exclaimed.

“Wait for it…” Ruby said.

The bud got bigger and began to bloom, but the original rose instantly began to wither and die as if the new growth was draining all its nutrients. Within a few moments, that rose had turned to dust and the new rose was beginning to die as well.

“See?” Ruby gestured to it. “It’s the same every time. I try to make something and it dies.”

“You can’t be so hard on yourself-” Crowley began.

“Why not?” Ruby huffed. “Can’t do anything right. All I am is a drain on you, a parasite.”

“Now that’s an interesting thought,” Maggie interjected. “A drain, a parasite. Do you think these things about yourself often?”

Ruby blinked. “I guess?” she admitted. 

“You think of yourself as not worthy,” Maggie noted. “This suggests a serious self-confidence problem. These thoughts always originate somewhere. Where do you think you first got the idea that you’re a parasite?”

“I ah…” she thought about this. “I guess I was always told that a lot as a kid. That I never did enough to pull my weight, that I was a drain.”

“Who told you this?” Maggie prompted.

She hesitated, then look up at Crowley as if hoping he’d tell her how she should respond.

“It’s alright,” he said, gently. “Take your time. Whatever you’re comfortable sharing.”

Ruby turned back to Maggie and chose her words carefully. “I don’t know how it’s relevant to me now,” she said. “It was...in a past life.” The corners of her mouth twitched. “Get it? Past life?”

Aziraphale and Crowley both chuckled at her choice of words, but Maggie was out of the loop so didn’t get the joke.

“I’ve been noticing the way you talk, Ruby,” Maggie said. “All of you. You talk about being dead. You talk about a past life. Crowley makes offhand comments about you _literally_ being another person-”

Ruby’s walked up behind the sofa to peer at Crowley. “You said that? That’s _funny_!”

“Is it?” asked Maggie.

“Yeah,” Ruby replied. “If you get the joke.”

“But is it a joke?” Maggie pried.

“What else would it be?” asked Ruby.

“A coping mechanism, perhaps? Sometimes humor is a way to deflect things that are too horrible to think about.”

Ruby wasn’t certain how to respond and sat back down on the other side of Aziraphale. “Is that bad?”

“Not necessarily,” said Maggie. “It can be a healthy way of acknowledging that something happened to you, of helping you remove the trauma’s power from your narrative. But it can also be a tool of repression. You have to first acknowledge your trauma, Ruby, before you can reclaim your story.”

“Wow,” Ruby deflected. “Bit early in the first session to be accusing me of trauma, isn’t it?”

“Normally, yes it would be,” said Maggie. “But you’ve talked multiple times already about dying and just brought up this cult thing. By that admission, I can surmise that you’re ready to jump right in. But don’t worry, we’ll go slow. You don’t have to admit anything today if you’re not comfortable.”

“It’s just that it’s...not relevant,” Ruby said. “None of what happened in my past is relevant to me now. I’m not that little girl anymore.”

“You’ll always be that little girl,” Maggie said. “But if you’re smart about it, you can give her room to grow in a way that she was never allowed to before.”

“But it’s not happening anymore,” Ruby insisted. “It’s over. What’s the point in going over things that happened to a person that I’m not anymore?”

“Because you still think that you’re not good enough,” Maggie said simply. “You still call yourself a parasite. Those words didn’t come from you. They’re remnants, souvenirs kept from wherever you came from. If you can hope to control your magic, you’re going to need to learn to let go of those keepsakes. They never did you any good, they only held you back. Didn’t you think it was interesting that you felt like a parasite, so your rose bud drained the life out of the original plant before dying itself? There is a very real connection there to your feelings about yourself, and I firmly believe that we can get you using magic in a healing way if only we can expose those dormant beliefs about yourself.” 

But Aziraphale was still hung up on something else. "I was in a _cult_ ," he breathed, allowing himself to finally realize it. He looked up at Crowley. "We were in _cults."_

Crowley put his arm around him. "Only took you 6000 years to work that out, Angel."

"But I'm too smart to have been in a cult," Aziraphale said. "I'm not the sort of person who gets suckered into things like that."

"Getting involved with a cult doesn't reflect at all on your intellect," said Maggie. "There are lots of reasons people get into things like that. Loneliness, social alienation, sense of purpose, need for connection...Some people are even born into it and realize later."

"You and Aziraphale were born into yours," Crowley said. "When I left Heaven, Aziraphale, I was just rejecting one cult for another."

"This 'heaven' and 'hell' thing," Maggie asked. "That's...metaphorical. Right?"

Crowley ignored this. "If it's any consolation, you were never very good at being an Angel. Don't look so shocked, I know you didn't like most parts of the job either. That was the difference. Provided I was left alone to do what I wanted, I actually enjoyed my job some of the time."

"And then there's me," said Ruby. "Not enjoying any of it."

"You were never given any choice," said Crowley. "We weren't even supposed to meet you. Aziraphale and I were thrown together, but we weren't even supposed to know you. Meeting you was an accident. You realize that's the cosmic joke of all of this? We're the only three people who could ever understand what we went through to get out, and we only met by accident."

"I still have trouble understanding it," said Ruby. "I mean we fought so hard for each other. Nobody has ever fought that hard for me, and God only knows I never fought that hard for anyone else. It kind of makes my brain hurt, trying to understand why."

"You're a family," said Maggie, who still didn't understand what they were talking about. "If I'm right, the concept you're looking for is 'family'. A group of people who are together by choice and would do anything for each other."

...

Maggie got to her feet at the end of the session. It had been an informative processing session about Aziraphale's cult association (without going into too much detail), but Maggie hadn't gotten much out of Ruby.

Ruby blinked. “That’s it?”

“This was the first consultation,” Maggie explained. “We’ll do more groundwork next session. No sense pushing you.”

“But I don’t feel cured,” Ruby insisted.

“There’s no such thing as cured, Ruby,” said Maggie. “There’s only recovered. There’s much work to be done, and I’m confident that you can handle it.”

“Handled worse,” Ruby shot back, sullenly.

Maggie looked at her sadly. “I bet you have. Do you wish to talk about it now or would you rather wait?”

“I don’t need to talk about it,” Ruby said. “I keep telling you that it’s behind me. It’s in the past. That’s a whole different country.”

“Then we’ll leave it here for now,” said Maggie. “Until next time.”

“Wait,” Ruby said. “Would you, uh...like to see my mushrooms?”

…

Ruby showed her into her room, which still hadn’t been turned into a tower like she kept requesting. 

“These are my first mushrooms,” Ruby said, gesturing at the small tank next to her bed. “They’re porcini. We harvested the spores ourselves.”

“They’re absolutely flourishing,” Maggie said. She didn’t really understand the appeal of growing mushrooms, but thought it was important to validate her interest. And, after all, it wasn’t a lie. The mushrooms were doing spectacularly well. “You talk about not being able to make anything grow, but these are doing so well.”

Ruby grinned sheepishly. “Yeah, well, these aren’t made with magic. Well, they sort of are. We collected the spores magically, but I’ve been doing the growing naturally.”

“It’s still impressive,” said Maggie.

“Why don’t you water your mushrooms, Ruby,” Aziraphale said. “We’d like to talk to Maggie outside.”

Ruby was back in her happy place, so she contentedly took up her spray bottle. “Alright,” she said, getting to work instantly. The three adults stepped out into the parlor and closed the door behind them.

Ruby could see the shape manifest out of the corner of her eye and turned towards the bed to see it head-on.

“What are _you_ doing here?” she hissed, glancing between the intruder and the door. She was anxious not to be overheard.

It was the ghost from the bookshop, the girl in the flapper dress. “I still need help...You told me to come back…”

“Well not _now,”_ she sighed, impatiently. “Business hours! I said business hours!” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I don’t have _time_ for this today! There’s a shrink right outside the door and I don’t want her to catch me talking to what will _seem_ like myself-”

“You’re not talking to yourself, you can see me-”

“But _she_ won’t be able to! That’s the point! I’m not really that anxious to make myself seem crazy, alright?”

Something about this statement seemed to get through to the ghost. “Right, yeah. Don’t want to seem crazy. That would be bad. When can I come back?”

She threw her hands in the air. “I dunno! Later, maybe? I’m _busy_!”

…

Meanwhile, outside the room:

“I know you have some concerns,” Maggie began.

“How is she doing?” Aziraphale asked, wringing his hands anxiously. “In your professional opinion?”

“I think she’s doing well,” Maggie replied. “Considering whatever her circumstances were, she’s doing very well.”

“I told you,” said Crowley. “She bounced back very quickly. She’s strong.”

“Bounced back might be the wrong term,” said Maggie. “She’s clearly gone through a trauma, or possibly several, and to suggest that anyone really ‘bounces back’ from that is fundamentally untrue. You’re seeing the manifestations of that in her self esteem and her mood. What I will say is that she is flourishing. You’ve created a very nurturing environment for her and that’s why she’s doing so well.”

“You think so?” asked Aziraphale. “I was so worried...I wondered whether we were doing the right thing with the mushroom garden…”

“You’re doing _exactly_ the right thing with the mushroom garden,” said Maggie. “You gave her a healthy hobby to pursue and helped her cultivate an interest without shame. A lot of parents, especially parents of girls, try to squash any ‘weird’ or ‘different’ interests in the children. Anything they don’t understand gets mocked at best and forbidden at worst. But you’ve given her space to, literally, grow. And that’s a special thing.”

“How much do we owe you?” asked Aziraphale.

“Sorry?”

“For the session.”

Maggie smiled. “You don’t. It’s all informal. I’m applying a technique to Ruby’s treatment that’s going to have her, for the most part, doing the work without realizing it. I get the feeling she might reject it otherwise.”

Crowley nodded. “I think that’s a safe assumption.”

“I will ask if I can stay for tea though,” said Maggie. “Might do to keep on conversing with her when she is more relaxed. A meal should do well. You know, if you’re really having significant anxieties about parenting, I can give you some helpful books on the subject...”

Aziraphale heaved a sigh of relief. “That would be incredibly helpful, my dear, thank you.”

…

After Maggie left, Ruby heaved a sigh of relief and threw herself into a kitchen chair. She pinched the bridge of her nose. “That was _so stressful_.”

“You did seem a smidge tense, my dear,” Aziraphale admitted.

“Which isn’t unusual for her,” Crowley pointed out.

Aziraphale waved this off. “All the same, is everything alright? Or, at least, our approximation of it?”

“The ghost came back,” Ruby groaned. “While I was tending the mushrooms. With Maggie _right outside the room_ and everything! I was afraid things were gonna go all haywire and make me look crazy. I was so stressed the whole time we were having tea that the ghost was going to come back and be all Dobby.”

“What did the ghost say?” asked Aziraphale.

“She just wanted help, I guess,” she sighed. “But I don’t want any of this. I want to be left alone.”

“And you can be,” Aziraphale reminded her. “You just have to be firm about it.”

“Therapy is stupid,” Ruby fumed. “Nothing happened! She just kept talking about Evangeline like she has _anything_ to do with my magic!”

“She may have a point.” Aziraphale flinched preemptively as if expecting to be struck down for this comment. The glare he got from her was almost worse. “You continue to distance yourself from what happened, but you haven’t even been free for six months. Have you really allowed yourself time to process it?”

“Process?” Ruby scoffed. “There’s nothing to process! I’m fine. I’m better than fine! I’m better than I’ve _ever_ been!”

“But Ruby,” said Aziraphale, helplessly. “You did _die._ You went through the most horrible sort of trauma and you came out of it suspiciously alright.”

“I was _reborn_ ,” she insisted. “I started over. That’s what we all agreed. Clean slate.”

“It might be less reductive to think of the mind as a palimpsest,” Aziraphale said. “Nothing is ever truly forgotten. Only overwritten.”

“Like a VHS,” added Crowley.

“And even when overwriting the mind, one cannot truly make the past not matter,” said Aziraphale. “It is the mold that shapes us.”

Ruby was beginning to lose her resolve. “But then what’s the point?” Her voice grew small with her desperation. “What’s the point of getting a second chance if I can’t get rid of the first one?”

“The point is to do better,” said Crowley. “And not waste a moment of it.”

“You really think she can fix me?”

Aziraphale softened and came to her side. “You don’t need fixing, my dear. You’re not broken. There’s nothing wrong with needing a little help every now and again.”


	6. A Cure

Ruby chose to volunteer at the bookshop one day while Aziraphale and Crowley did errands. Aziraphale was the first to enter the shop while Crowley parked the car. Aziraphale found Ruby at the checkout counter. He noticed what she was reading a book by a prominent trans activist and knew that she was still trying to keep Crowley from knowing she was doing this research, so he cleared his throat.

“Ruby-”

She hastily closed the book and looked up, but it was too late. Crowley had just stepped inside and spotted the dust jacket.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

She closed the book hastily and tried to put it away. “Nothing! Just reading. Boring stuff.”

“But that book...I know her,” said Crowley. “Not well, but we’ve been in the same circles...Why are you reading that one?”

“I uh...wanted to understand,” she said, sheepishly.

He nodded. “About the trans thing?”

“Yeah. I asked Aziraphale to get me some books and...he got me a few.”

Crowley turned to his husband, raising an eyebrow. “You gave her books? And didn’t tell me?”

Aziraphale shrugged. “She asked me not to. She didn’t want you to know. So I respected that.”

Crowley decided to put away his indignation for now. He returned his attention to his daughter. “You don’t have to read all these, Ruby. You know you can just ask me if you have any questions?”

She nodded. “Yeah. I just can’t right now. Not til I know what the right questions are.”

“The right questions? I wasn’t aware that there was such a concept.”

“Yeah. Like...I know my whole thing is asking a lot of questions and I can kind of be a pest-”

“You’re not a pest, Ruby-”

“Let me finish. I ask a lot of questions. I’m curious and I want to know things. But I do know when a question is too personal or might be based on uninformed assumptions. I’ll ask the books first. Then, when I’ve narrowed down my list of questions to things I think are better for you to answer, I’ll ask. Because I’ve learned that sometimes a misplaced question can cause more damage than if it is just kept to yourself, you know? It’s all very well to know things and want to know things, but if you ask a question out of pure ignorance, couldn’t that set up a whole other slew of problems? I strive to only ask aloud those questions which I’ve decided most need answering. It’s true that you can’t receive knowledge without asking questions, but a question asked with no knowledge of the subject could be a deadly thing, couldn’t it?”

“How do you mean?”

“I’m just thinking about something Anathema said, about how a conspiracy theory can be a distraction. Well a conspiracy is just a complicated question, isn’t it? A question that becomes a story. So it stands to reason that if a conspiracy can be a distraction, so can a simple question. It can take the burden off of the asker to provide any sort of proof or rationality and put it all on the listener to defend themselves. I mean we’ve seen that happen before.”

“When?”

Ruby smiled ruefully. “It wasn’t that long ago, Crowley, just think. When was the last time we had to defend ourselves from the wrong sort of questions?”

Her parents realized it at the same time, but Aziraphale was the first one to speak. 

“During the trial,” he breathed. “Mr Gates and Fox News were insisting that the question was one of your sanity and motives as a way to distract us from the fact that that man murdered…” He suddenly realized where the sentence was going and swallowed hard, unable to finish it.

Ruby could see that she’d brought the mood down, so hurried to make her point. “All I’m saying is that I should do my research first. I’m reading books, reading blogs, reading articles...I’m just...I’m just trying to make sure that when I do ask, it’ll be a conversation, not an interrogation. So I’ll ask. When I have the right questions.” She suddenly grew self-conscious. “I’m sorry, I’m acting like I actually know what I’m talking about, I shouldn’t talk so much…”

“Don’t apologize,” said Crowley, impressed beyond measure. “That’s very wise. Isn’t that very wise, Aziraphale?”

Aziraphale was floored by this as well. “I’d never considered it this way before...Crowley, does it occur to you again that she’s smarter than the two of us put together?”

“Why?” asked Crowley. “Because we spent 6,000 years pursuit of knowledge or at least the knowledge of why we shouldn’t have knowledge, and after only 16 years of life this girl manages to understand what we couldn’t work out in all that time?”

“Knowledge itself isn’t wicked,” mused Aziraphale. “It’s your  _ intent  _ that can make it so…”

“A question itself isn’t wicked,” added Crowley. “It’s your intent that can make it so…”

“I am honestly a bit embarrassed we didn’t come to this sooner,” said Aziraphale.

Crowley put a hand on his husband’s arm. “Could you go wait for us in the car? I think I need a moment with our daughter.”

Aziraphale was still mulling this insight over. “Yes of course, my dear...I have quite a bit to think about…”

Crowley waited as his husband ambled slowly out of the door before turning back to Ruby.

“But you will ask, won’t you? Once you’ve found the right questions? I don’t want you to ever think you can’t ask.”

She nodded. “I promise. You should know me well enough by now to know that I can’t keep questions to myself forever. Even if you tried, you couldn’t stop me.”

He smiled. “You know, it means a lot.”

“What does?”

“That you’re trying. A lot of people wouldn’t even try to understand.”

“See that’s the part I never understood about humans. I never understood why anybody wouldn’t want to understand absolutely everything.”

“I suppose there is a case to be made for fearing the unknown.”

“If you fear the unknown, then make it known. Nothing is so scary as what you make it seem in your mind. Once you see it in the light, you’ll find out everything is incredibly fascinating.”

...

“How are you feeling about returning to school, Ruby?” Maggie asked at their next session.

She fidgeted for a moment before responding. “I dunno,” she shrugged. “I’ve never been to a school like this before.”

“Does it make you nervous that it’s a specialized school?”

“It comes with certain expectations,” she admitted. “But I think I can handle them. I was never even allowed to audition for school plays when I was growing up, you know. So it’s exciting to get to train.”

“And how do you feel about being around other people your own age?”

“That’s the part that makes me nervous. I don’t…” She sighed. “I don’t exactly  _ get along  _ with other people. Aziraphale and Crowley were the first people who I ever got along with. Now I’ve got Anathema and Newt too, but they’re-”

“Not exactly your age either,” Maggie nodded. “What is it about other children that you find difficult?”

“I just never could relate to them? I’m not saying I was better than them or anything, I just...saw things differently. The things they cared about or liked didn’t make any sense to me.”

“Like what?”

She shrugged. “The people in my area just didn’t like the same things as me and they made fun of me for what I did like. Got in all sorts of trouble for being accused of being a witch because someone caught me with a Harry Potter book once.”

“Were you not allowed to read Harry Potter?”

“No. Wasn’t allowed to do anything I liked. And that’s not all, I guess. I didn’t understand the things people cared about. It was all about the Bible and money and dating-”

“You weren’t interested in dating?”

She shrugged again. “It didn’t seem interesting. Or maybe the people I was around didn’t seem interesting.”

“Have you ever had crushes? It’s alright if it wasn’t on anyone you know personally. A celebrity crush is completely normal for a girl your age. It’s even perfectly normal if you had a crush on a fictional character. Sometimes we explore perfectly natural human urges by projecting them onto harmless people we’ll never meet.”

Ruby just shook her head. “But I haven’t, really. On real  _ or  _ imaginary people. Like I can recognize some people are objectively pretty, but it’s not my deal. I just don’t see the point in making out or doing...other things. I don’t really want to get married or have kids. Which is good, because Aziraphale doesn’t think I  _ can  _ have kids.”

“Why is that?”

“I was on birth control before I died, just to help regulate my cycle, you know? But I didn’t take the medication after my rebirth just to see what would happen with my new physiology, and I haven’t gotten my period since. That was back in April. Aziraphale guesses that my ‘unique genetic combination’ can’t be allowed to be passed down. He was all concerned that this would be devastating to me, but I’m honestly fine with it. I’m not the type who wants to get myself all tied down. Wanna travel, you know? See things.” She suddenly became anxious. “This doesn’t make me broken, does it? That I don’t want the things everyone else does-”

“Not everybody wants those things, Ruby,” Maggie assured her. “I think it’s very mature of you to know what you want.”

“Is this the part where you tell me that I’ll change my mind when I grow up?”

Maggie shook her head. “Everyone’s different, Ruby. You might change your mind when you’re older, you might not. Don’t think of life in phases. What you want now might be different from what you want in future, but the important thing is to know what you want now.”

“I just want to belong somewhere,” she admitted. “I don’t know if it’s possible.”

“Because of what you are?”

“Because of who I am.”

“And who is that?”

“Ruby Fell.”

“A name that shows that, at the very least, you belong here.”

Ruby nodded. “That helps. Having an actual home to come back to.”

“You never did before?”

She shook her head. “I was a runaway.”

“No interest in going back?”

“Wouldn’t if I could.”

“What happened that made you run away?”

She shrugged and looked away. “A lot of things. I didn’t even understand some of it.”

Maggie noted that it was starting to rain. “Ruby, are you feeling sad about something?”

The rain stopped instantly. “No,” she said. “I dunno. I’m still all mixed up about it.”

“That’s what I’m here for. To help you work through it. Do you want to talk about how you died?”

“Why? That was a good thing. It gave me freedom. Now I can be myself.” She chuckled darkly. “Listen to me trying to justify it. Like I’m not still mad about why it had to happen.”

“You feel that it had to happen?”

She rolled her eyes. “I don’t  _ feel  _ it, I  _ know  _ it. It was part of God’s plan. I wasn’t supposed to survive. But I fought back. Made a life for myself. Write that one down, make sure I remember to tell Crowley later. Point is that I don’t need to talk about it. I know what happened. That part is clear to me and isn’t that big of a deal.”

“Your death wasn’t a big deal?”

“I mean I guess I was clever or whatever with how I handled it, but yeah. Grand scheme of things, everything worked out.”

Maggie noticed that the wind had picked up and knew she had activated some latent anxiety. “So you never think about what happened?”

“No,” she insisted. “I barely even get nightmares anymore. I’m totally fine with it.”

Maggie decided to leave this topic for now. “Well if it makes you feel better, I think you’re more than likely to have some mutual interests with your peers at the new school. Given that you’re all attending a drama school.”

Ruby considered this, glad for the change of subject. “I guess that’s true. But still. I’m not really the making friends type.”


	7. Beloved Freak

“I think it’s time for bed,” Aziraphale said on the last night of summer. “We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow. Ruby’s first day of school! How exciting!”

They’d been watching some cartoon reruns, but Crowley turned off the TV and stretched his legs. 

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea,” he said. “Sleep, I mean. You’ll want to be well-rested.”

There had been a sense of anxiety coming from Ruby all evening, and her parents were torn between rationalizing it as jitters about school and perhaps something more that they should discuss. They managed to get to the door to the kitchen before Ruby spoke.

“Wait. Crowley. Do we have to go to bed yet? I have...some questions?” She hadn’t gotten up from her seat on the sofa and was wringing her hands anxiously.

He froze and exchanged a glance with Aziraphale. He could tell from Aziraphale’s eyes that they were having the same thought.  _ So here it is. Finally. The source of the anxiety. _

“Of course you can, Ruby,” said Crowley. He kissed his husband on the cheek. “Go on up to bed, my love. I’ll meet you there soon.”

“Soon?” Aziraphale scoffed. “Don’t count on it. Ruby has  _ questions.  _ Good thing the two of you have eternal life, because you two will be here until God decides to spring a real apocalypse on us just to get you to stop talking.” He turned back to Ruby. “Goodnight, my dear. I’ll see you in the morning.”

She smiled warmly. “Goodnight, Aziraphale.”

They waited while Aziraphale left the room, then Crowley took a seat in an armchair so he could look at her. She was staring at her hands contemplatively, and fidgeting in a way that reminded him quite a bit of Aziraphale. He felt a rush of warmth toward her.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked.

“I never thought about any of this before,” she admitted. “Not really. Gender was just...a thing you  _ were _ . And yeah I heard that there were trans people but…”

Crowley nodded. “They were never spoken about in a nice way. I expected that from your upbringing. That’s why I didn’t force the issue.”

“So is it…” She laughed to herself awkwardly. “I can’t believe I’m asking this. I mean, I  _ used  _ to be an atheist…”

“Take your time.”

“Is it a sin, then? To be how you are? Is that why you’re a demon?”

“You know why I’m a demon, Ruby.”

“Right, for questioning. I’m just starting to wonder if some of that wasn’t  _ gender  _ questioning…Maybe I should ask Aziraphale, I mean, he’d be the expert, right?”

He raised an eyebrow and pretended to be offended. “Him? The expert on sin? Please, Aziraphale invented quite a few of the sins himself in his hedonistic lifestyle, but I would never call an  _ angel  _ an expert on sin. They don’t write the rules. At least demons have to  _ know  _ the rules to enforce them.”

“So? What’s the verdict then? Because I was always told that being gay or trans was a sin. Not that I ever believed in those things...I just wondered who I had to complain to. Because I make my own choices, it doesn’t matter to me what someone else randomly decided is bad.”

The corner of his mouth twitched, but he managed to hide the amused smile. “It’s not a sin, Ruby. You used the Sims metaphor before, and after seeing you play a few games, I think that’s a good metaphor. Think of angels as the first batch of Sims you make at the beginning of the game, when you’re still really focused on it. God crafted every aspect of our personality with care. Humans were different. Humans were the Sims from later in the game who you gave less attention to because there were too many of them to constantly monitor so their traits randomize.”

“Makes sense,” Ruby said.

“My point is why would God take the time to specifically make me this way if she was going to damn me for it? I realize it sounds silly because she planned my fall from the beginning as part of her sick romantic comedy she was setting up, but she wouldn’t make me this way on purpose and then say it’s bad.”

“So why-”

“-Do humans think it’s a sin?” he finished for her.

“Well...yeah? It’s in the Bible or something, right?”

“Oh I never listen to the Bible,” Crowley said. She finally looked up at him. “Seriously, not even angels listen to that drivel.”

She tilted her head to the side. “But it’s the word of God?”

Aziraphale’s voice rang out from the kitchen. “Do you really believe that?”

The corners of Crowley’s mouth twitched. “If you’re going to eavesdrop, Angel, you may as well come back in the room and join in the conversation.”

“It’s not  _ eavesdropping _ ,” Aziraphale protested, poking his head around the doorframe. “That’s such a  _ strong  _ word.”

“Are you coming back in or not?”

“If it’ll help…” Aziraphale reentered the room and took the armchair on the opposite side of the sofa. “So where were we? Word of God?”

“Right,” Ruby said. “That’s what it is, right? I never used to believe that, but now that I have proof that there  _ is  _ a God, it’s hard to deny evidence.”

“Crowley’s right, not even angels take the Bible as a primary source of information,” Aziraphale explained. “Even on a subject as straightforward as sin.”

“Why not?”

He took a deep breath, wondering where to start. “Oh, where to begin? Alright, do you know where the names of the books of the Bible come from?”

She made a face. “Sorry, I got bored in church and either zoned out or lit things on fire.”

Crowley got up from his seat and perched instead upon the arm of Aziraphale’s chair. “I’m gonna go out on a limb and say she wasn’t paying that much attention in sermon,” he muttered audibly, leaning towards his husband in a dramatically conspiratorial fashion. He looked up and caught Ruby’s eye. She rolled them at him.

Aziraphale pressed on as if there had been no interruption. “The books in the Bible tend to be named either after a notable event in the passage or the name of a person. Can you think of a reason why some books would be named after a person?”

Ruby shrugged. “I dunno. That’s the main character?”

“That’s the man who wrote the book,” Aziraphale explained. “The Bible isn’t the word of God, handed down all at once from on high. The Bible was written by humans and took roughly 1,500 years to write. Some was written before Jesus’ birth, some after.”

“Some was written  _ way  _ after by men who clearly didn’t even know the guy,” Crowley grumbled.

Aziraphale pretended not to hear him. “It was originally written in Hebrew, then translated to Greek. There was also this fellow named Paul. He used to write letters to the church, originally in Greek, though they were translated by many scribes later on for distribution. A lot of the letters that got collected into the Bible that are attributed by him aren’t actually written by him, you know. Some imitators got onto the bandwagon and made their own.”

“Oh, like Carolyn Keene?”

“Who?”

“It was the, ah…” She cast around for a word. “What’s the word for a made-up name for an author?”

“Pseudonym?” he offered.

She nodded. “Yeah, pseudonym. Carolyn Keene was the pseudonym for the lady who wrote the original Nancy Drew books, but eventually other people began writing Nancy Drew books using the same name.”

“Yes, I suppose it is sort of like that. But that’s beside the point. The point is that due to translations and differing sources, it’s basically hell trying to find anything credible in the Bible.”

“I hate to cut you short, Aziraphale,” said Crowley. “But it’s getting late, and I know you’re about to get started talking about Paul’s letters, and we should leave that for another day.”

“Quite right,” Aziraphale said, sheepishly. “It’s a bit of a passion project of mine. It’s a fascinating field of study.”

“And the whole Bible is like this?” Ruby asked.

Crowley nodded. “It gets worse. The Catholic Church got involved eventually and decided multiple times to try to make a canon. They tossed out what they didn’t agree with and just kept the translations of what they could make work for them.” 

“They took already heavily translated texts and in some cases mistranslated them further and refused to let anyone see the originals,” Aziraphale added, disdainfully. “All to suit their purposes. And finally that fellow James got involved and made the version that’s still used today. So no, none of us trust what the Bible says as a definitive source on what God wants. Some of it’s true, some is propaganda.” 

“It’s part of why we always liked Jewish people better, or at least the Jewish people we’ve known,” said Crowley. “I always preferred their relationship with God.”

Aziraphale nodded. “Fascinating, isn’t it? According to them, they’re supposed to treat their holy book like a contract. Like it’s a negotiation with God instead of an authoritarian mandate.”

“It’s more like a conversation. Which is as it should be. Because God changes her mind all the time. She used to have these temper tantrums back during the Old Testament that would end civilizations…”

She’s mellowed some,” Aziraphale admitted. “What she said 6000 years ago might not even be what she thinks now.”

“That makes sense,” said Ruby. “I mean people can change their minds when presented with new information.”

The former angel and demon had to resist the urge to exchange a look at the sound of these encouraging words.

“Alright then,” said Crowley. “Next question?”

She thought about this one more carefully. “So...Gender is fake, then?”

“Yes and no,” he said. “A social construct, yes. A creation defined by the state to impose some rigorous set of expectations upon human children, yes. But that’s not to say it doesn’t matter. It’s fake on a broader scale, but on an individual level it’s both very real and very important.” He’d rehearsed this bit and run it past Aziraphale, who had given him suggestions. “Gender is something you define by your relationship with it. Something that nobody else can define for you.”

For instance,” Aziraphale cut in. “I identify closest with agender and non-binary identities, but I present masculinely. Bit easier to move through life that way. I accept the male pronouns because I’m used to them, but technically I am not a man. I was an angel, you know. Angels and demons were created genderless and typically possess no real preference for it.”

“I seem to be the only one who ever did,” Crowley said.

“That must’ve been lonely for you,” Ruby said.

He smiled wryly as his husband took his hand. “I suppose it’s part of the reason why I came to appreciate humanity so much. I always just sort of knew how I was, but didn’t think much on it. Humans came up with all these terms and concepts and ideas...and suddenly I had a way to describe myself. I think I’ve settled on the idea of being genderfluid. I wouldn’t ever take the word outright, just as Aziraphale would never outright take agender, because we’re not human and it’ll never be entirely accurate. We experience things a bit differently than a human in our position ever could, and we feel as if we’d make the terms less useful by applying them to us. But we really don’t mind it when other people do.”

“Genderfluid. That’s where you sorta just switch between genders, right?”

“That’s a simplified way of looking at it. Sometimes I feel more male, sometimes more female, sometimes elements of both or neither. You look confused.”

“Not...confused...exactly. I’ve done the reading on this stuff but some of it goes over my head a bit. I feel like I need a dictionary to properly understand these new concepts sometimes.”

“What’s giving you trouble?”

“Well, to start, what am I supposed to call  _ you _ ?” she asked. “I’ve been calling you ‘he’, but is that alright?” A note of anxiety entered her voice. “If it’s not, I’ll make an effort. Would someone like you use ‘she’ or one of these new ones that I just read about? Are you more of a ‘they’ or a ‘ze’? Or no pronoun? Or do you switch-”

“My  _ God,  _ you really  _ have  _ been putting the research in, haven’t you?” he chuckled, glancing at Aziraphale before returning his gaze to her. “I noticed you never asked Aziraphale these questions, even though Aziraphale identifies outside of genders too.” He could feel an anxiety spike from her. 

“He’s only teasing you,” Aziraphale hurried to say. “My situation is probably easier for you to wrap your mind around when this is all new to you.” “

I don’t want you to be nervous, Ruby,” said Crowley. “You can call me whatever you want as long as it’s nice.”

“But I don’t wanna say the wrong thing-” she protested.

“You won’t-”

“But I want you to tell me if I say something that makes you feel uncomfortable or bad about yourself-”

“Ruby, you won’t say the wrong thing. I don’t mean that it’s not possible to say the wrong thing, I just mean that I know  _ you  _ won’t. Not to me, anyway. You try so hard and you have so much compassion. Everyone has a different relationship with gender, so don’t take my relationship with it as any kind of baseline for understanding the trans or non-binary experience. Some non-binary or genderfluid people  _ will  _ prefer certain pronouns. My preference is just being addressed in a nice way and if the pronoun changes based on my presentation, then that’s fine.” 

“I’ve noticed you’ve been growing out your hair lately.”

He nodded. “I have.”

She fumbled around for the right words to ask her question. “Is that like a...what I mean to say is…”

“Are you asking if that’s something to do with my gender?”

“Well...is it? Are you in one of your...female phases right now?”

He chuckled. “It’s not exactly like it’s a phase, but I understand what you meant. And honestly? I’m just presenting differently. Hair length isn’t a good indicator of what gender I’m feeling at the moment. But I do tend to wear it longer when things are going well.”

“When you feel happier?”

He hadn’t thought about this much before. “Yeah, I suppose? I guess there is some element of my expression that manifests like this when I’m feeling better about myself or feel safe enough to be myself.”

“Safe?” This word choice surprised her. “You don’t feel safe?”

He shrugged. “Not all of the time. Safer than a human would, yes, but totally safe…? It depends.”

“On what?”

He thought about how to phrase this. “Well...I suppose based on what gender I’m presenting as and where I am when I’m presenting that way. Going certain places is harder for a woman if you’re alone, I’m sure you’ve noticed. I’ll take responsibility for that-”

Her brow furrowed. “Why would you-”

“But there are certain dangers that arise when you’re not, eh, passing. When you’re read as a man in a dress. People are killed just for that.”

“But you’re immortal. And you have powers. Surely that makes you feel safer in these situations?”

“We’re  _ functionally  _ immortal,” Aziraphale explained. “That’s not the same thing as being  _ actually  _ immortal. We  _ can  _ live forever, but there are things that can kill us.”

She nodded as she remembered. “Holy water and hellfire.”

“Yes, that, but also...We can get killed by any of the big things that can kill a human. We’re tougher, more resilient, and can’t get diseases...but catch us in a car crash or a bomb and we will get discorporated.”

“You’re right when you say that having powers does make me feel safer,” said Crowley. “One of the reasons I hesitate to claim being genderfluid or trans is because a human doesn’t have the same ability to protect themselves as I do. But if you catch me by surprise, before I have time to react...I could be gone just as easily.”

This alarmed her. “Don’t say that.”

“Sorry,” he said. “Didn’t mean to worry you. Is this all making sense so far?”

“Sorta,” she said. “I’m just not sure what this all means. I mean, you’re a template for my personality, but I don’t feel...What I mean to say is...I’m based on you, but I still feel like a girl all the time. Shouldn’t I, I dunno, be more trans by now?”

He raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

She shrugged. “I dunno. I mean I was raised a certain way and had certain experiences that I think are more common for girls...And I knew that the women who came before me probably felt the same way. I always wanted to redefine what a girl was, so that maybe nobody else would be treated badly for being one. Because I never thought being a girl was an inherently bad thing. I never accepted that the world couldn’t be better. But that’s not how it works, is it? I mean, I’m not supposed to feel like a girl after all that I went through. I’m supposed to hate it so much that I become a trans boy or become agender like Aziraphale. Because that’s logical, right?”

He raised his eyebrows. “What part of that is logical? Maybe I’m not explaining it right. Personal gender and social gender are two different things. Your gender is something you  _ are _ , something only you can decide because only you can feel it. It’s something you should have the freedom to explore on your own terms. Social gender is a box made out of expectations that you’re punished for not following. So you can be a girl even if you don’t like the social expectations of being a girl. The state can’t define your feeling, as much as it tries. You don’t become trans because you were abused, Ruby, because gender isn’t a mental illness. And being trans doesn’t come from a place of hating the gender you were assigned, necessarily. It’s just not the right fit. Does that make sense?”

She nodded. “Yeah. I guess it does. I can still be a girl, even if I resent the things I was put through for being born female.”

“You weren’t born female.” She was even more surprised and confused, so he pushed on. “I just mean, there’s really no such thing as  _ biological  _ gender. Not even for humans. That’s the fake, over-simplistic part of it all.”

She tilted her head to the side. “But what about that X/Y Chromosome thing…?”

He groaned. “That? Scientific bias from an outdated source. Human science is finally looking close enough to discover the flaws in that logic. Aziraphale gave you all that reading and didn’t give you any scientific papers or at the very least any accounts of intersex people?” She shrugged and Crowley glanced at his husband, who shrugged sheepishly. Crowley chuckled. “I knew it, he mostly gave you poetry and things that are more relevant to our experiences. Sometimes you’re so focused on the storytelling aspect of things that you forget the science is actually incredibly relevant.”

“Gender is a complex subject,” Aziraphale replied. “I didn’t want to overwhelm her.”

“What does that mean?” Ruby pressed. “Intersex?”

“There are other words for it,” Crowley explained. “Other words with less-nice connotations. Intersex people are purposely misunderstood because they disprove the gender binary.”

Ruby thought she was beginning to get what he was getting at. “Oh you mean like...people who have both sets? I’ve heard of that happening.”

Crowley nodded. “That’s a very simplified way of looking at it, but that’s a starting point for further research. The whole X/Y chromosome thing is just scratching the surface. You can be XX or XY or XXY or any combination, really. It’s all completely natural and doesn’t at all make someone unusual. It’s the infinite variety of nature. Why humans decided to attach social expectations to perceptions of genetic differences, I will never understand...You know you really should read some feminist literature on the definition of ‘woman’. Don’t go looking for it yourself - that way lies TERFS - but I can tell you the names of some safe activists-”

She held up a hand. “TERFS?”

“Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminists,” Crowley explained, the faintest trace of bitterness entering his voice.

“That doesn’t make sense,” said Ruby. “Just as a term.”

“It means they exclude trans people-”

“I understood what it meant,” said Ruby. “Just don’t understand how feminists can exclude a whole section of women. What’s rad about that?”

He smiled, amused and comforted by her annoyance. “They have a very rigid definition of gender. A lot of their argument seems to be centered on the assumption that to be female, you must have those certain reproductive organs...but even many people with XX chromosomes aren’t born with a uterus.”

“Like me,” breathed Ruby. “I mean, presumably. Since our best guess is that I can’t have children.”

He nodded. “Like you. That’s why it’s so reductive to think of gender as a biological mechanism. It’s all so individual.”

“Yeah, see, I don’t get any of that at all,” said Ruby. “I mean I’m a special case - an outlier, sorta like you two - but human women can be infertile too, right? Sounds to me like they’re picking and choosing what counts just based on their agenda.”

She was getting this quickly and he felt a bit of pride about that. “Exactly. You know, a lot of people say that choosing not to have children makes you less of a woman, regardless of if you were assigned that at birth or not.”

“So let me get this straight...As women, we’ve spent so much time trying to convince people that we shouldn’t be put into a box, but then when trans women come along we wanna be like ‘oh sorry this box is too small’?”

He chuckled. “Essentially.”

“But what’s feminist about that?”

“A lot, as it turns out. I’m not knocking feminism. I actually got a commendation for planting seeds of doubt that turned into the original Suffragette Movement. Hell, I  _ became  _ a Suffragette for a time. Problem was, I didn’t get that commendation for convincing women to throw off gendered oppression. I got that commendation because first wave feminism prioritized white women. Explicitly. As in they threw everyone else under the bus because they figured they couldn’t make their movement marketable if it included ‘those’ types of women. Which is ridiculous because I knew some  _ amazing  _ abolitionist black women at the time who basically  _ created  _ the movement only to be thrown under the bus...And that’s not even mentioning the fact that second wave feminism decided that lesbians and trans women weren’t welcome…” That bitterness and gloom returned. “None of that was my fault, I was just trying to stir up a little rebellion...but I should’ve realized that I couldn’t fix my mistakes that easily...”

She wasn’t entirely understanding what he was talking about. “So what you’re saying is...It’s bad to be feminist?”

He shook his head, clearing away all the ghosts of his past. “No, I thought I just said that? I like the intention behind feminism. If you go into it with the intention of casting off all gendered oppression, then you’re fine. But you’ve gotta listen to different kinds of women. You’ve gotta have an intersectional approach. Otherwise, you’re as much a part of the problem.”

She sighed. “I just don’t understand why all these expectations have to be on women. Why traditionally  _ I’m  _ supposed to exist just as a man’s property. Isaac and Abraham never had to deal with these things.”

“They had their own set of gender expectations, I’m sure, but they happened to be lucky that they fell in line with them. Had their sexuality or gender not lined up with what they were told to be, I’m sure they’d’ve been punished just as harshly as you were.”

“I never thought of it like that…” She fidgeted a bit. 

Aziraphale zeroed in on this motion. “What is it, my dear?”

She lifted her eyes to meet Crowley’s gaze. “Nothing, just...How long did you think you could hide this from me? I’m not accusing you or mad at you or anything, because this isn’t about me. I’m glad you took your time and came out when you felt safe enough. But...I’m as immortal as you are. Did you think you’d keep this from me forever?”

“I...didn’t think it through that far,” Crowley admitted. “I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“I appreciate that, but I hate it.” She got to her feet then realized how this sounded. “I don’t mean you, I don’t hate you, I just…You’ve got to understand the way I was raised. I mean, I’ve seen documentaries about serial killers and they always point out that they were crossdressers as if saying ‘of course they were this way, they put dresses on’. And whenever people I knew would bring up trans people, it was always like these were creepy men who were gonna try to...try to... _ you know _ . It’s the whole bathroom thing.”

He nodded. He’d expected this reaction. “I know. That’s why I didn’t say anything.”

These words weren’t coming out at all like she’d planned, so she became frustrated. “No, you  _ don’t _ know. I’m not saying this right...” Her eyes filled with tears. 

“Hey.” He got to his feet and put his hands on her shoulders as he guided her back to the sofa. He sat next to her. “What’s all this?”

“That’s not what I’m saying,” she sniffled. “I’m not saying what you think I’m saying, but I don’t know how to say what I  _ am  _ saying...”

“Slow down...Deep breaths…”

She took a shuddering breath and wiped her eyes. “I was told all those things about you, how people like you weren’t safe to be around. Like you were literal demons.”

“Well,” he pointed out. “I  _ am  _ a literal demon.”

“That’s sorta my point,” she said. “My whole life, I’ve never felt safe. Not around anyone. But I do now. I feel safer with you and Aziraphale than I ever have around any of the people I was told were the ‘normal’ people, y’know? That came out wrong…”

He shook his head. “No, it didn’t.”

“I don’t hate you or who you are, Crowley,” she insisted. “I hate...I  _ hate  _ that people have made you feel like it’s not safe to be who you are. I can’t…” Her voice broke. “I can’t  _ imagine  _ how difficult this has been for you…” She began to cry in earnest. “And I can’t  _ imagine  _ what you must’ve been going through, wondering if it was safe enough to tell me. I appreciate the fact that you wanted me to be comfortable, but I would never ask you to risk your own comfort by living in a closet. We’ve been shutting people in closets for so long now that we’ve fooled people into thinking they’re safer there. At least they survive in there, right? But is it really surviving? How do you grow in there? My mushrooms can grow in the dark, but can anything else? Because take it from me, it’s a terribly lonely existence to not be yourself. It’s so lonely to look around and realize that nobody knows the real you or cares to, because nobody around you is anything like you.”

He reached out to hug her, but hesitated before he could go through with it. She was still so skittish, and he was afraid of crossing her boundaries. But it turns out he needn’t have worried, because she reached out and hugged him instead. He put his arms around her and squeezed her tight. They both wondered how they’d gotten to a place where she could feel safe letting someone get so close to her.

“It was lonely,” Crowley admitted. “But I have Aziraphale. And I have you.” He squeezed her tighter and stroked her hair. “And there have always been others. I’m not alone in this. You say you couldn’t ever imagine how this has been for me...and maybe we’ll never be able to know for sure how it felt to be in each others’ shoes...but we’re far too similar. You may not be trans, Ruby, but you’ve got similar experiences that make it easier for you to understand. The way your parents and religion treated you, the way people assumed your sexuality when you stepped outside of your gender roles, the way you literally built a new body for yourself...But I guess most of all how you rejected the things you were taught and the people who taught them to you, and accepted support from people like you. Those are  _ very  _ trans experiences. So no, you might never understand it, but you empathize with it. Empathy is a very important quality in a person. I don’t think anyone could’ve predicted what you’d turn into given the right environment. You’ve grown so much in such a short time, Ruby, and I couldn’t be prouder of who you are growing into now that you’re in the light.”

Ruby was touched by this sentiment. “How  _ mushroom  _ do you think we have left for these fungi references, Crowley?”

“You started it,” he pointed out. “But that’s partly why I thought giving you mushrooms would be good for you in the first place. I mean, yeah, you’d never shown any interest in gardening, but you seemed to have an interest in mushrooms. But do you remember how afraid you were that being born out of death would make you only able to create death? I wanted to show you that being born out of death isn’t a bad thing. There’s a natural cycle to things, and fungi are part of that. They are born out of death but help to sustain life.”

“A lot of essential processes in forests would break down without fungi,” Ruby recalled. “A lot of mushroom species are disappearing in Europe, and that’s worrying because trees rely on them for an exchange of nutrients.”

He was thrown off by her wealth of knowledge on the subject. “Alright, Hermione,” he teased. “I was trying for a pretty metaphor about how you’re resilient and important like a mushroom, but if the cold facts help you…”

“Some species of fungi have hundreds of genders,” she recalled. “Aziraphale teased you about that. I just got the joke.” She blinked. “Sorry, I got us off track. Why are we talking about mushrooms?”

“Because you love mushrooms and I love hearing about how you love mushrooms. But honestly, I want you to know that I appreciate your compassion so much, Ruby. God only knows, I don’t always deserve it.”

She pulled away and wiped her eyes. “What do you mean? Of course you deserve compassion.”

He decided to change the subject as he sank back onto the couch cushions. “You amaze me, you know. You go on about how I’m a template for your personality, but sometimes you are so much smarter than either me or Aziraphale. I keep thinking about that thing you said before. That thing about there being good and bad questions.”

Ruby nodded. “You said that was very wise. I’m not sure I understand why, but I’ll take the compliment.”

“I’d really never thought of it that way before,” he admitted. “It’s really completely changed the way I think of...Well,  _ everything  _ that’s happened in the last 6,000 years.”

“How so?”

“This all started with a question for me.”

“One that was never answered to your satisfaction?”

He nodded. “Yeah. So I kept encouraging everyone else to ask as well. That was one of my main temptation techniques.”

“Yeah, that makes sense. You can get  _ so  _ many people to do things they wouldn’t normally do by posing the request as an innocent hypothetical. It’s how I sold fake drugs to rich kids sometimes.”

“We really are too much alike,” Crowley mused.

“Yeah, well,” she shrugged and tried to joke. “You’re a template for my personality. I wasn’t ever really supposed to be real.”

He felt a curious undercurrent of truth beneath her joke. “Now what gave you that impression? Of course you’re supposed to be real.”

She shrugged again. “You were saying something? About questions?”

“Right. You’ve just made us realize that we’ve been asking the wrong questions. There can be collateral damage to questions. Of course we knew that already, but never really understood why. It’s given us a lot to think about.”

“You’ve given me a lot to think about too. I’m very limited in my ideas and experiences. I have no actual idea of what the real world is. It’s not my fault, though. I’ve never been anywhere or met anyone who was important in any way.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” said Crowley. “ _ You’re  _ important, Ruby.”

She scoffed. “Yeah I guess. Chosen one complex and all…”

“I don’t mean that.”

She rolled her eyes. “Right. Of course. It’s the first self-made nephilim thing. First half-breed of an angel and a demon. I possess abilities never before dreamt of…”

“Ruby, you need to stop defining yourself by the body you’re in. You’re not defined by your parents. This is about you. Who  _ you  _ are and who you want to be.  _ You’re  _ important, Ruby Fell. Not because you’re our daughter, but because you’re you. You created you. And nobody can ever take that away from you.” He cleared his throat, finding the level of emotion unbearable. “So, hit me with the next one.”

“The...next one, Crowley?”

“The next question, Ruby.”

“Oh. No more questions, at least for now,” she said.

“That’s a first,” Crowley chuckled. “Ruby Fell doesn’t have any more questions.”

“It has been known to happen,” she replied. She thought about it. “Actually...no it hasn’t. This might be the first time a grown up has answered my questions to my satisfaction.”

He smiled. “I really am glad we had this talk, Ruby.”

“Me too.” She smiled and nodded her head toward the armchair. “Aziraphale is crying again. You might wanna…”

Crowley suddenly remembered that Aziraphale was there. “Right, right…” He got up and took his spot on the arm of the chair again. He took Aziraphale’s hand, and Aziraphale rested his head on Crowley’s shoulder. “Can I ask…What were the wrong questions?”

“Hm?” said Ruby.

“We appreciate the thoughtfulness of your line of questioning, Ruby,” said Aziraphale. “But we’re absolutely  _ burning  _ with curiosity about what questions you threw out.”

“Oh.” She was slightly embarrassed. “We don’t need to talk about that. They were ignorant, uninformed questions.”

“Yes, but you’re sixteen,” he said. “You’re supposed to be a little ignorant, as long as you still want to know better.” 

“You spent all your life growing in a dark cupboard,” Crowley reminded her. “Now you can look to the light.”

She smiled brightly at him, but Aziraphale continued to press the issue. “We’d still like to know.”

She rolled her eyes. “I thought maybe it was like...you might be trying to seem, y’know, straight. Like trying to pass or whatever. I was gonna be like, y’know, you don’t have to do that for me, I like you two as you are...but that’s not how it works, right?”

Aziraphale pretended to be offended. “After all the time I’ve spent trying to signal to the world that I’m  _ not  _ straight? I’ve got to say, Ruby, that deeply offends my delicate sensibilities. Straight? Honestly!”

She chuckled. “See, yeah, that’s why I had to read first.”

Crowley’s smile faltered slightly. “So you really are okay with this? I know I made you uncomfortable before. You don’t have to pretend to be-”

She got up and took his hands in hers, almost without thinking. “You can feel what I’m feeling, right? I’m not uncomfortable.  _ You _ were  _ never _ what made me uncomfortable. I was afraid I would do the wrong thing, and I’m sorry I didn’t say that at the time. I guess I was also trying in my own way to give us both time to think. You could have more time for prepared statements and I’d have time to not react so much...I guess it didn’t really work out that way.”

“You react, it’s what you do,” Crowley reassured her. “I’d be worried if you didn’t. At least you didn’t bludgeon me with a Bible.”

She laughed at his joke. “This doesn’t change anything with us, you know. Well, actually, it does. Only because now I know you better and have more information to work with. But that doesn’t mean I’ll start being weird around you or anything. I mean, I’m weird to begin with, how much weirder can I get?”

He chuckled. “Yeah, that’s true.”

Aziraphale sniffled some more. “You two are just so sweet...You both tried so hard to not make the other uncomfortable that you ended up making each other  _ more  _ uncomfortable...My family is completely useless...”

“You alright, Angel?” asked Crowley, looking down at him with eyes that shone with fondness.

“Perfect,” Aziraphale replied. “There is so much  _ love  _ in this room…”

“Yeah, cuz Crowley’s a sap,” Ruby rolled her eyes.

“From you too, though,” Aziraphale pointed out.

She made a face. “Ew, no, I don’t think so.”

“Yes,” Aziraphale insisted. “Who would’ve guessed you had this great capacity for love-”

“But I don’t,” Ruby said, dropping Crowley’s hands and standing straight as a rod. “I’m cold as a stone. Heartless monster. I don’t love anyone.”

Aziraphale was skeptical, but amused. “You  _ do.  _ You love us.”

She shook her head. “You’re mistaken.”

“Oh? Then what was all this just now? Because I can feel it.”

“Crowley and I have a bond, yeah. But it’s not like love. You know what it’s like? It’s like when you watch a TV show and you really get attached to one character? You’re like ‘that one’s my favorite’ and you miss them when they’re not in that episode and if something bad happens to them it’s like something bad happened to you. And you’re just so mad at anyone who tries to hurt them.”

Crowley adored her so much in that moment. “It sounds like love to me.”

She made a face. “Ew. No. That’s weird. I don’t even know how to do that. Never have before.”

“I know. But that  _ is  _ what love is like, Ruby.”

“No,” she insisted. “It has to be a totally different thing. I don’t know what the word is for what I’m describing. It’s like all you want is for that person to be happy, you know?”

“That’s love, like the kind we have for you.”

She dismissed this with a wave of her hand. “Shut up, no it’s not. It’s more like - like ride or die, you know? You were ride or die for me after knowing me for 3 days.” 

“Yes, because we loved you,” said Aziraphale. “And now you’re trying to say you feel the same for us, and we know.”

“Shut up, that’s not what I’m saying.” Then she thought about it. “Is it? Ew that’s so sappy! Stop laughing at me!”

They were sad that she hadn’t had cause to love anyone before she met them, but they still thought this was terribly cute. “Not laughing  _ at  _ you,” Crowley said. “You’re just. Funny.”

“Not trying to be funny,” she sulked.

“Right.” He tried to get serious. “Gonna run away now? We’ve gravely insulted you and now you’re gonna do the teen runaway thing?”

She rolled her eyes, unable to stop herself from smiling. “Shut up. Nah, don’t shut up. This is kind of what I’m saying. I like having you around. You’re weird. It wouldn’t even cross my mind to run away or try to change you. I was so alone where I was before and now I’ve got people who understand me. I’m so lucky to have you in my...Well, does this technically count as after-life?” They all chuckled. “But seriously, Crowley, I don’t want you to be in some closet, not even on my account. I want you to be out here with us. You’re my…” She tried to find a word but couldn’t. Her awkwardness returned. “Eh, you’re my...Crowley...shaped...person.” She smiled nervously. “Thank you for talking with me, guys. I...appreciate how you talk to me like I can understand things.”

“Any time, Ruby.” He and Aziraphale got to their feet, utterly mystified by the change in tone. “Be sure to ask if you have any more questions.”

“You know I will.” She backed up, fidgeting a bit. “I can’t help it, it’s in my nature. Goodnight!”

She turned and rushed from the room while her parents watched her go. “Goodnight!” they called after her.

“What...just happened there?” asked Crowley.

Something  _ had  _ happened there. It was very small, almost unnoticeable...but she’d had a momentary burst of anxiety and uncertainty. Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a look and wandered off toward bed.

“It was a good talk, though,” said Aziraphale. 

“It was,” agreed Crowley. “Right up until...whatever that was.”

“Children are  _ such  _ a mystery, my dear. Who can fathom their moods when they change so suddenly?” 

Crowley closed his bedroom door behind them. “She gets this from  _ your side _ , my Angel.”

Aziraphale turned to face him and put his hands on his hips. “And just what do you mean by that, my dear?”

“Oh come off it, of course she gets it from you. Things go very well and we have a nice time, then out of nowhere she gets some unfathomable mood and rushes off. That’s  _ very  _ Aziraphale.”

“I resent that!” he said, indignantly.

“Well it’s true!”

“You’re impossible.” He moved forward and pressed Crowley against the door, kissing him with an intensity that dashed all thoughts from Crowley’s head for quite a few minutes.

“Angel,” Crowley breathed, eyes wide. “What...what was that for?”

“I love you,” the angel said, simply.

“Yes, but...why?”

Aziraphale smiled, understanding what he was really being asked. “I didn’t realize how much I’d love seeing you be a parent. I’ve seen it more and more over the last few months, but that…”

“We’ve parented before,” Crowley pointed out.

Aziraphale shook his head. “Not like that. That wasn’t a mission. That wasn’t you trying to corrupt anything. That was our child. And you were so genuine and honest and I love you for it.”

“Angel?”

“Yes?”

“Do you remember the first time I told you about my gender situation?”

Aziraphale nodded. “I do. How could I forget? That wasn’t too long before we started our little Arrangement.”

“I’d known I was different for some time before that. I watched the humans come up with their genders and found out that I could feel them myself at different times. And I thought that’s just how things were. Because we can shapeshift, so of course everyone else must feel this too...but then I heard other demons mocking the idea of gender and realized that I was the only one.”

“So you asked me,” Aziraphale recalled. “After quite a few drinks, I might add.”

“I was hoping if it was too weird, you just wouldn’t remember,” he acknowledged. “But you were so kind about it. Well, maybe that’s not the right word. You were surprised but excited about the possibility.”

“I knew you were the only one,” Aziraphale said. “But it was such an interesting idea...that those human concepts could not only apply to you, but that they all could at once…”

“The way you reacted is the reason I finally became brave enough to begin our Arrangement,” Crowley said. “You didn’t treat me like some broken thing, even though as a demon I’m used to being treated as broken and disgusting by your kind. I knew I could trust you. Then you went on and found other people like me. You’ve always been better at making the right kind of friends. I remember how excited you were the first time you brought me out around my own kind of people...Showed me that I wasn’t alone…”

Crowley kissed him again, trying to convey 6000 years of love at once.

“Should we spell the door? And the walls?” Aziraphale gasped.

Crowley groaned. “Maybe tomorrow. I can’t, not while there’s a teenager across the hall.”

Aziraphale kissed him again and the bedroom lights obeyed an unspoken command and went out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did some research for this plotline and talked to some of my trans friends because I wanted to do this as respectfully as it's possible to do as a cis person. I wanted to write the kind of coming out scenes I want to see more of. You just rarely see people trying to be respectful and actually listen. I'm not trying to paint Ruby as the point of the scene here. The point is Crowley's feelings. But I wanted to sort of model the sort of behavior that I wish straight cis people would have more, even if I don't necessarily recommend all of Ruby's approach. If I got anything wrong here, feel free to reach out and tell me. Unless you're a TERF, in which case I've heard all you have to say. 
> 
> Taking a 4 week hiatus to focus on my Doctor Who fic because the big reveal is about to happen this month. But I will be back to this one with Ruby's first day of school at the end of the month. Thank you for your support!


	8. Caught in the Middle

Ruby Fell should’ve slept soundly in her bed that night, dreaming dreams of the fantastical things to come. But things are never that calm inside the tumultuous mind of the little nephilim, so the expectation of a sound slumber is, perhaps, asking a bit too much.

The storm had been raging for some time, only nobody had been awake to hear it. Aziraphale and Crowley were fast asleep. Crowley, of course, was taking up nearly all of the bed, limbs splayed out in a careless manner. That suited Aziraphale just fine. He didn’t need the bed, really, so long as he could fall asleep on his husband’s chest.

It was hard to say if it was the loud clap of thunder that awoke Ruby or whether it was her awakening that called the sound forth. Both events happened almost simultaneously. She instinctively transformed into a cat and bounded from the room at top speed, unsheathed claws scrabbling on the wooden floor.

Cat form Ruby was no ordinary cat, of course. Aziraphale and Crowley’s closed door would’ve meant a dead end to any normal cat, and she’d have to suffer the indignity of clawing at the door to be let inside. Instead she simply pushed on the door with her front paws, affecting a Miracle without realizing it. The door swung open and she climbed up the end of the bed underneath the quilt.

Aziraphale was awakened by the movement under the covers and rolled off his husband so that he could see the small shivering lump that was moving rapidly toward the head of the bed. “Ruby?” asked Aziraphale, bleary-eyed but concerned.

Crowley was slowly regaining consciousness as well and noticed the storm. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

Ruby stopped just short of actually exiting the covers and instead remained shaking underneath them.

Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a look.

“Ruby?” asked Aziraphale, tentatively. No response. “Ruby, it’s alright. Just a bad dream, remember? You’re awake now. You’re safe.”

Crowley decided to give it a try. “Would it help if I turned a light on, Ruby?” The cat growled slightly. He glanced at Aziraphale. “What if it’s not Ruby?” he whispered. “What if it’s just some random stray?”

“Ruby likes random strays so it doesn’t make a difference,” whispered Aziraphale. “Don’t whisper like she can’t hear you.” Aziraphale placed his hands behind his head with the fingers upturned and palms forward in what he was convinced was an effective pantomime. “Cat ears.”

“Well then why are you whispering?” Crowley snapped back, still in a whisper. He decided to ignore his husband. “Ruby, that’s you, isn’t it?” He lifted the cover and she hissed. “Yep, definitely her.”

“Poor thing is terrified,” Aziraphale despaired.

“Again.”

“But I thought she was getting better,” Aziraphale said softly. “Not having these anymore.”

“Talking about her like she isn’t here isn’t helping,” said Crowley. “It’s not your fault, Ruby. You can stay with us if it makes you feel better.” She still didn’t answer. Normally by this point she was at least talking, even if she hadn’t transformed back. Something about the cat form made her more comfortable.

There was another loud clap of thunder and Ruby gave a startled meow and raced into Aziraphale’s arms, burying her face in his chest with her fur bristling.

Aziraphale tried to soothe her. “Shh, it’s alright, you’ve just gone and startled yourself.” He attempted to smooth down her fur. He looked helplessly at Crowley. “She’s shaking like a leaf, Crowley.” He shifted to lie on his side so that Ruby was on the pillow between them and Crowley reached out to scratch behind her ears. Ruby nuzzled his hand and relaxed enough to begin purring. “Well. That’s better then.”

And it was. The storm became calmer every moment, as did Ruby. Eventually the three of them managed to fall asleep.

…

Usually when Ruby had a nightmare, she’d come to her senses at some point and become human again before slinking back off to her room. She didn’t do that this time. There was some unspoken concern when Aziraphale and Crowley awoke the next morning to find the kitten still on their pillow.

Crowley scratched her ears to wake her up and she gave a sleepy chirr and stretched, slowly opening her eyes.

“Morning, kitten,” said Aziraphale. “Breakfast?”

“Did I sleep here?” Ruby asked without transforming back to a human.

“You had a nightmare, petal,” Aziraphale explained. “Remember?”

“Vaguely,” she replied. She hopped down from the bed. “Yeah. Breakfast in 10? Need to shower first.”

...

“Ruby, we need to go,” Crowley said.

“I hate this uniform,” she complained, smoothing down the purple and black checkered skirt.

“It looks lovely on you,” Aziraphale assured her.

“I still hate it.” She pulled the black jacket with the purple trim over her white shirt. “Uniforms discourage individuality. They’re trying to make me less me.” She looked in the mirror. “No that’s no good.” Her hair was perfect and straight so she ruffled it up. She also took the time to smudge her black lipstick. “Better.”

“That’s right,” Crowley said, fondly. “No daughter of mine is going out looking ‘presentable’.”

“Damn straight,” she agreed. She frowned. “Or not straight. There needs to be a better word.”

Aziraphale and Crowley had talked about their concerns while she was in the shower, and now Crowley gave Aziraphale a gesture encouraging him to get on with it.

“Eh, listen, Ruby,” Aziraphale ventured delicately. “You know you don’t have to...do this. If you’re not ready.”

“Hm?” she asked, distractedly. “Course I’m ready. Got the uniform on.”

“I just mean…” He looked to Crowley for help, but Crowley wasn’t offering any. “I just mean if this is too soon, we can put it off. We’ve got an eternity, so to speak, so I don’t want to rush you into anything you’re not comfortable with.”

She slowly got his meaning and turned around to face him with her hands on her hips. “What are you getting at, Aziraphale?”

“I just want to know that you’re alright, is all,” Aziraphale replied. “And you are, aren’t you? Alright.”

“I’m perfect,” she said. “And you’re dumb. All is as it should be.”

“Alright, then,” he said, voice quivering slightly with the combined weight of the anxiety emanating from all the inhabitants of that room. “We need to get a wiggle on if you’re not going to be late.”

She made a face. “Not a chance. I don’t wiggle.”

Crowley held up his phone. “Alright, first day of school. Smile for the camera, Ruby.”

“What? No.” She held up a hand to try to deflect the unwanted attention. “I don’t smile.”

“Bare your teeth menacingly, then,” said Crowley. “Aziraphale insisted we do this. For posterity.”

She unfurled her wings.

…

They took the Bentley into town, all of them knowing full-well that they could fly or teleport, but wanting to do it the careful way. Ruby picked the music, turning the station to Paramore. Crowley had initially resisted Ruby’s attempts to get him into Paramore, but now he couldn’t help but enthusiastically and completely unironically sing along with every lyric. He and Ruby belted it out as loud as they could.

_“And I'm just a little bit caught in the middle_  
_I try to keep going but it's not that simple_  
_I think I'm a little bit caught in the middle_  
_Gotta keep going or they'll call me a quitter_  
_Yeah, I'm caught in the middle!”_

“She’s a smart one,” Aziraphale said to Crowley. “Figuring out that using her own external music device circumvents the magic on the car. You can’t leave that in the car for a fortnight, so it won’t turn to Queen.”

“You just wait,” Crowley said. “Once the car figures out how to do it, it’ll be back to only playing greatest hits.”

Ruby’s phone buzzed. She looked down at it.

_Nice uniform, Batty._

She kicked the back of Crowley's seat.

“Oi!” he said.

“Hands on the wheel, Crowley,” said Aziraphale.

But Crowley was only focused on Ruby. “What was that for?”

“Why’d you send that photo to Anathema?” she demanded.

“Because it’s funny,” Crowley replied. “You in your uniform with your little bat wings-”

“I still hate a uniform,” she said.

“You’re not upset with me?” Crowley asked.

“No, not really,” Ruby said. “Sort of? But not really. It’s weird.”

“Why?”

“Because I would’ve been in my old body,” she admitted. “Didn’t like being photographed. But…”

“But?” prompted Aziraphale.

“I sort of like how goth it looked?” she admitted. “Like I missed the prime era of 2012 anime scene girls, but that’s sort of the vibe I had there? I don’t know…”

“We’re almost there,” Aziraphale said. “Do you want us to drop you off here so nobody sees that your parents drive you to school?”

Ruby rolled her eyes. “I don’t care what they think. Besides, I hate walking.”

“Now remember what we discussed, Ruby,” said Aziraphale. “Don’t tell anyone about what we are and try to keep control of your powers today. Don’t start any fights.”

“Right, right, got it,” she said, absently.

“What your dad’s trying to say, Ruby,” said Crowley. “Is that this is a big secret to keep. Take it from us, we’ve been doing this a while.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know…”

“I mean it,” said Crowley, earnestly. “I mean we talked about this last night, about what a burden keeping a secret is. It sort of separates you from other people. Makes you constantly realize that you’re different. It can be very isolating.”

“I know, but I’ve got you guys,” she said. “What good are humans anyway? Don’t need ‘em.” Ruby desperately wanted this conversation to end, so began singing to Paramore again. “I don’t need no help, I can sabotage me by myself…”

Crowley resigned himself to the fact that this subject was closed for discussion. “She’s a smart girl,” he reasoned, pretending to be comforting Aziraphale when this statement was as much for his own comfort. “She can handle it.”

Aziraphale smiled. “It’s sweet how you worry.”

“You’ll call us if you need anything today, won’t you, Ruby?” He noticed that Ruby wasn’t singing anymore. “Ruby?” He turned to face her. “Oh for fuck’s sake.”

Aziraphale didn’t even turn around. “Teleported?”

He nodded. “Yep. Teleported.”

…

Ruby had been so excited to start the day that she couldn’t contain herself. One moment she was in the back of the Bentley, mere seconds from being dropped off, and the next moment she found herself standing in the bushes just around a corner at the side of the building.

She looked around to make sure she hadn’t been spotted, but there seemed to be no one around. She looked up near a side entrance and found someone staring at her. The girl was around her own age with mousy black hair and wire-rimmed glasses. The girl realized that she’d been spotted and dropped her scotch egg, which had been hovering inches away from her open mouth throughout this entire ordeal.

The Bentley squealed to a stop on the curb nearby and Ruby took her eyes off the stranger to look at it instead. When she returned her eyes to the spot where the girl had been, the girl had disappeared. Ruby frowned and bit her lip.

“I don’t need no help,” she said, under her breath. “I can sabotage me by myself.”

“Ruby!” Aziraphale said. He hopped out of the Bentley and rushed towards the shadowy corner where she was standing. “You can’t just do that!” He was keeping his voice low to avoid suspicion, but all the other students were around by the main entrance. “If you’re going to teleport, we’ll find you a nice safe spot to do it.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Ruby said, distractedly.

“Were you seen?” Crowley asked.

“No,” Ruby said. She turned her attention back to them. “I promise I’ll be more careful, alright? Now I gotta go.” She walked around the corner of the building towards the front steps where a group of students were loitering. Aziraphale and Crowley followed her.

“Ruby-” Aziraphale began.

“I know, I know, I’m trying to be careful-”

“It’s not that.” He handed her a brown paper sack. “You forgot your lunch. I couldn’t bear the thought of my daughter eating cafeteria food, but I didn’t know what humans like in sack lunches...So I did some research and came up with this. It’s nothing fancy. Standard sandwich and the like.”

Ruby was touched by this effort on his part, but tried hard not to show it. “Thanks, Dad.”

Now it was his turn to pretend not to be emotional. “How are you feeling? A little nervous, right? You know you don’t have to go through with this. Crowley and I, we’re very proud of you, but if you’re not ready-”

“I’m ready, Dad,” she said gently. “Really, I am. But thank you. People always try to force me along into what they think I should be doing. It’s nice that you try so hard to make sure I’m comfortable.”

“You will call us if you need anything today, won’t you?” Aziraphale said. “Anything at all?”

“Zira, we should go,” Crowley said as he noticed the other children. “She shouldn’t be seen with her parents on the first day of school. It’ll be embarrassing.”

Ruby smiled. “I don’t care what the other kids think,” she said.

“I almost forgot,” Crowley said, trying to seem casual. He had clearly rehearsed this moment for days. “I was waiting for the right time to give you your back to school present…”

“Present?” Ruby repeated. “Crowley, you didn’t have to get me anything...You’ve already done so much for me…”

“All the same,” he said, reaching into his pocket. “I thought you should have these. Just in case.”

“Sunglasses?” she asked.

Crowley nodded. “I checked to make sure the dress code allows for them, and apparently Freya has almost completely destroyed the concept of a dress code here, so you should be fine. I just thought...in case you needed them...Humans can be so easily scared off if your eyes aren’t exactly how they’re supposed to be...It’s not exactly a permanent solution for you like it is with me, I’d just feel safer knowing…”

All three of them pretended not to be choked up by this gesture. “Thank you,” said Ruby. “It means so much to me, you don’t even know…” She took the glasses from them and put them on. “How do I look?”

“Very stylish,” Aziraphale said. “Crowley has impeccable taste.”

Crowley beamed at her. “We are so proud of you. You’re going to be just amazing here. I can’t imagine a better place for you. You weren’t appreciated properly where you were from, but you will be here. I’m sure you’ll make friends immediately.”

She winced. “Friends? I’m not really the making friends type. But it’s chill, I can be the cool and mysterious loner.”

“I’m certain you’ll make friends,” Aziraphale said. “You’ll see. It’ll happen in no time.”

“If you say so…”

“Now you’ve got everything you need?” Crowley asked.

“Yep,” she nodded. “Books, pencils, lunch, sunglasses…”

“You’ve got your Holy Water?” Crowley prompted anxiously.

She smiled and patted her jacket pocket. “Demon Spray, just in case of emergencies.”

“Now we should go,” said Crowley. “Don’t want to embarrass Ruby in front of potential new friends-”

But Ruby smiled and hugged her dads. “I have the best dumb gay dads…” She pulled away, eyes widening as she realized her potential mistake. “Sorry, am I still allowed to say that? Can I call you my dads if Crowley is genderfluid, is it accurate or offensive or-”

“Of course you can call us your dads, Ruby,” Crowley assured her, patiently. “It’s as accurate as anything.”

“And it’s kind of adorable,” smiled Aziraphale.

Her fears were dashed away and suddenly she was trembling with excitement again. “Well, then, I have the best gay dads!”

“I hope you’ll have a nice day, Ruby,” said Aziraphale. “Do you want us to pick you back up at the end of the day?”

“How else would I tell you everything immediately?”

“You sure you’re alright, my dear?” Aziraphale prompted. “You seem very nervous…”

Ruby didn’t want to return the conversation to the source of her anxiety. She gave them each a kiss on the cheek, smirking as their faces reddened. “I love you!” she said loudly, hoping this display of affection was enough to distract them.

“You do?” Aziraphale said. “But last night, you said-”

“I thought about it since last night,” Ruby replied. “And I do. I love my dumb gay dads.”

“Ruby,” Crowley said, pretending to be self-conscious. “You’re embarrassing us.”

“Love you anyway!” she laughed, backing away and blowing them a kiss. “Try to stay out of trouble?” She turned on heel and disappeared into the crowd.

Aziraphale and Crowley stood for a moment to make sure she was alright, blinking back tears.

“First day of school,” Aziraphale mused. “They grow up so fast…”

“We’re being ridiculous,” said Crowley. “She’ll be fine.”

They walked back to the car in silence.

“That was very sweet,” Aziraphale said as they fastened their seatbelts.

“It was,” Crowley agreed.

“Too bad it was a distraction.”

“So you know she was lying about not being seen?”

“Oh one hundred percent,” Aziraphale agreed. “Without a doubt.”

“She’s a lying liar.”

“But she doesn’t lie without a good reason,” Aziraphale pointed out. “I think we need to trust her. Let her come to us.”

“Exactly,” said Crowley. “Which is why I didn’t say anything. If she needs help, she’ll ask for it.”

“Do you think she knows how?”

Crowley shrugged and turned on the car. “We’ll see.”

Aziraphale exhaled slowly as he realized that now they’d truly have a day all to themselves. He turned to his husband with a sly smile. “You know, my love...We’re about to have the house all to ourselves for the first time since we got married...We could...do anything we want…”

Crowley stared directly out of the windshield for a moment as he processed that he was being flirted with. Then a smile crept across his face. He leaned toward his husband. “What did you have in mind, Angel?” he whispered seductively.

“Well…” said the former angel.

…

Ruby walked past the gaggle of students at the front entrance, surprised that nobody was staring at her. She looked up at the letters above the door that read “Greenwood Academy” and marveled again at what a simple name that was. She’d looked into applying to all sorts of posh drama schools, but something about this b-list name had really appealed to her.

She let herself into the hallway and looked around. This building was bigger than the school she’d been going to before - it had three stories reaching into the sky as opposed to her old school’s one story building. But it was somehow smaller. The front hallway had lockers just like any other school, but it was only a small section compared to the many halls a public school in America needed to house lockers. She supposed this must be because this was a more exclusive school. If very few people actually got in, there wasn’t need for a whole lot of space. It looked like any other school she’d ever been in. Something about the uniformity of it disappointed her.

She noticed a few other people milling about, minding their own business. There was one pink-haired girl gazing into a mirror in her locker while applying eyeshadow to look like a bruise, a tall boy with dark hair was chatting up a leggy blonde who was leaning against the lockers, and various people were rushing in and out of rooms. She wondered where the girl with the egg had gone to.

“You look lost, Ruby.”

Ruby breathed a sigh of relief. “Freya.”

Freya was wearing a short black wig today. “Don’t look so anxious, petal. It’s only day one. You just wait til our auditions start. It’s kill or be killed then.” She motioned to a door on the left. “Come on, then. Let’s get you a locker assignment.”

“This school is too ordinary looking,” she complained. “It should be painted bright colors and have murals and not make me wear this stupid uniform.” She noticed that Freya was chuckling. “What?”

“Nothing. I’ve just said a lot of the same things, is all.”

Ruby followed her through the door into a small administrative office. “Doris, could you get a locker assignment for Miss Ruby Fell, please?”

Doris was a small, squat lady in her early 50s with greying curly dark hair. She adjusted her glasses. “This her?”

“Quite possibly,” joked Ruby. “At least for the moment. I’m certain I’ll be somebody else in an hour.”

It was unclear if Doris found this amusing. She peered at her list. “Looks like you can have your pick of lockers eight, thirteen, twenty-four, and twenty-six.”

“I’ll take thirteen,” Ruby said. “My dads’ll get a laugh out of that.”

“Suit yourself.” Doris made a note on her list and rummaged in her desk for the key. She handed it over. “Locker thirteen.”

“Thanks,” Ruby said, taking the key.

“Come on now,” Freya said. “I’ll show you to your locker.” Ruby followed her back into the hallway. “Have you had a chance to look around our campus yet?”

She shook her head. “Not so much.”

“That’s alright.” She rummaged in her pocket and handed over a crumpled piece of laminated paper. “Here’s a map. Don’t worry, the staircases won’t move.”

“That was a bit of a concern,” Ruby admitted. “That reminds me...Are we gonna have to be sorted into houses? I’ve never been to a British school before so I don’t know if that was all made up.”

“You’ve never been to a British school?” Freya asked.

Ruby just smiled. “Aziraphale took me to the aquarium last month. I saw a school of fish. Does that count?”

Freya was struck again by what an odd child she was, but decided to make no comment. She knew Maggie had been treating her for the past few weeks, but Maggie hadn’t divulged any patient information. If Maggie knew more than she did about this child, she hadn’t said. “We don’t sort into houses,” Freya said. “Some schools do. Here we just do our different performance related jobs. Think of it as self-sorting.” They stopped in front of a locker. “This is you. You’ve got a key instead of a combination lock at my insistence. I read somewhere that combination locks can be harder on children with disabilities, and I was determined that this school not discriminate. That’s sort of been my whole mode here. Other schools are more rigorous about their administration policies and I’ve been, well...controversial, shall we say. Anyway, best get on with it. Classes don’t start for another half hour. There’s bound to be coffee and cakes in one of the green rooms if you’re hungry.”

Ruby raised her eyebrows. “One of the green rooms?”

“Strictly speaking there are two rooms we call the green room that aren’t, you know, the actual green room. These are meeting places for students. Always stocked with snacks and supplies. The performers have one and the crew have the other.”

“What, like it’s segregation?”

“We’ve tried to encourage mingling but it just...doesn’t seem to happen that way. There is some intermingingly, of course, but it’s usually the double majors.”

Ruby was anxious about the thought of potentially having to actually talk to teenagers, especially this early in the morning, but she thought this might be her chance to find Egg Girl. “I might still be a little hungry.” This was a lie. Aziraphale had made pancakes that morning. “Show me to the green room?”

Freya took this at face value. “Networking already. Smart move. This industry really is mostly about who you know…You’ve got your orientation packet?”

“What? Oh. In my bag.”

“You’ve read it?”

“A couple times. Just to be sure.” She remembered that she had a few questions. “So how many projects can we do per semester? The packet said at least one, but that we get credits for each one.”

“Technically, you can be in as many as you want,” Freya explained. “There are always opportunities. You’ll want to check the bulletins in the green rooms often, and the message boards online as well. If you have any ideas for a personal project you’d like to submit, talk it through with an adviser and they’ll help you to organize it. Just try to make sure that you give yourself at least a few weeks to put it together. You want your best work reflected, after all.”

“Who’s my adviser?”

“Sorry?”

“You said talk it through with an adviser. Who do I talk to?”

“You don’t have a personal adviser, Ruby. Talk it through with any faculty member. If you’re thinking about doing a specific play from Shakespeare or something that might be covered in one of the classes, it’s recommended you talk to that professor or that departmental head to make sure they’re not already working with another group to do that play.”

“So what’s the deal with these festivals?”

“They’re the last Friday and Saturday of each semester. You’re required to be involved in at least one project that goes to festival, because they count as exam grades. As someone in the acting program, you’re recommended to be actually on the stage in at least one. The teachers pick one straight play for Friday night and one musical for Saturday night. Leading up to that all day is whatever you, the students, have managed to put together on your own. Of course all pieces need to be cleared with a faculty member before they can go on. You have the choice of choosing a faculty adviser to be part of the process as much or as little as you need...This is your stop. I won’t go in with you - it’s a student haven. By my own rules, I can’t go in. But even if I could, you wouldn’t want me to. We don’t want people knowing that I know you, at least not this early. Best if people think you’re just like everyone else.”

“Yeah,” Ruby agreed. “Don’t want to be singled out.”

“You said something about colors and murals before?”

“I did.”

Freya smiled. “You’ll like the green room then. You’re lucky I came in early today. It’s in my contract that I only teach in the afternoon. I'll see you around?"

Ruby smiled. “Yeah.”

Freya nodded. “Better go, then. Still need to make a lesson plan! Though I may not actually bother with a lesson plan...Never been a planner, myself...Maggie says that would be a fatal flaw if I wasn’t cursed with almost obscenely good luck these last ten years…” Freya shook her head at herself and walked back the way they came.

Ruby took a moment by herself to gather her thoughts. She stared at the peeling red paint on the door.

 _You just need to find Egg Girl,_ she reasoned with herself _. It doesn’t matter what happens in there as long as you find egg girl. You’re not here to make friends. Just keep your head down and complete the objective._

She took a deep breath and let herself into the room.

The green room was stunning. It was painted with splashes of neon color from the entire spectrum. There were bean bag chairs and sofas and arm chairs in various colors as well as a few desks and bookshelves. A television on the wall opposite her was playing some kids cartoon that she didn’t recognize and somebody had their iPod blasting some show tune she hadn’t heard before. She’d been so afraid that everyone would turn to stare at her the moment she opened the door, but nobody had noticed her at all. They were gathered at the far side of the room completing a mural. It was a fairly straight-forward mural - a large red heart with fraying edges. Everyone was adding their particular stabbing implement to jab into it.

 _Found the Hot Topic kids,_ Ruby observed. She’d been told there wasn’t Hot Topic in Britain, but she thought they could use the expansion. She crossed the room to a table with food on it and selected a small muffin while she continued to watch the other kids, trying to ascertain if Egg Girl was among them.

“But that wouldn’t really be what kills him,” a boy with dark pink hair said. “I’m just saying that you couldn’t get the barbed wire in there without cracking open the rib cage first. So it’s more than likely that the vic is dead or unconscious before you get it on there.”

“Shut up, Nick,” said a dark-skinned teenager with a white-blonde pixie cut with a fringe that came to a point in the center of the forehead. “I never said I was tryin’ to kill the vic. I just liked the bloody aesthetic.”

A bronze-skinned Asian girl whose plaited hair was interwoven with purple extensions giggled. “Bloody aesthetic. That’s a good one, Max.”

“Yeah, it was a bit,” the newly-identified Max replied with a hint of disinterest. Ruby looked at Max properly and her first impression was that this teenager was tall and sturdy like a tree. Ruby noted that Max was the first girl she'd seen who'd opted to wear slacks instead of a skirt, then remembered everything she'd discussed with Crowley the night before and mentally checked herself, deciding not to assume Max identified as a girl. If Crowley were there, he'd remind her that wearing slacks wasn't a good indicator of gender at all.

Ruby put all this aside, deciding it wasn't the question at hand. She could see that Egg Girl wasn’t in the room and decided to make a quick exit. She picked up a scone for the road.

“New girl’s thinkin’ she can take our food without us noticin’,” Max observed without turning around. 

Ruby froze.

“Yeah, I’m talkin’ to you, new girl,” Max continued.

Ruby didn’t know how to handle this situation. She just wanted badly to get out of it. “Who said it was your food? Thought it was for everyone.” She crossed her arms, a reflex when she was trying to seem less nervous.

“Yeah, technically, but it’s polite to at least acknowledge the other people in the room,” Max said.

“Well consider this an acknowledgement.”

“Do you paint?”

“What?”

Max was impatient. “Do you paint? We need one more finishing touch. Nick is being a purist about the whole thing, going with the classic dagger approach. Chell went a little more Artemis with the flaming arrow thing, which is what’s with all the flames. I’m doing the barbed wire. How’d you kill Vic?”

Ruby knew she needed to get out of this situation as quickly as possible. “I’m more of a pacifist, actually. Not a fighter anymore so much as a negotiator.”

Max nodded. “Good to know. See you in class, new girl.”

Ruby took this as a sign that she was dismissed, which she resented. Not so long ago, she would’ve fought her classmates over far less than this. But she was trying to reign in her temper. She knew it wouldn’t be helpful to remind herself that she was secretly more powerful than all of these schoolgirls. It would be more helpful to remind herself that thinking that way could seriously harm her chances of ever blending in.

“Right,” she frowned. She lingered a moment longer, but the group seemed to have forgotten she was there already.

“Did we ever decide what Vic did?” Nick asked.

“He asked too many questions,” said Max. “And he was a man. Isn’t that reason enough?”

Ruby left the room as quietly as she could and looked down the nearly empty corridor. Where could Egg Girl have gone?

She continued her investigation quietly for some minutes before a bell rang. Suddenly people were pouring into the hallways, though it still wasn’t as many people as she was used to from her American high school days. She could figure out from context that it was time to start heading to class.

She glanced around, trying to find Egg Girl in the crowd, but she was nowhere to be seen. She suppressed a sigh, realizing that this would have to wait. She couldn’t be late to her first class. She took her map out of her pocket.

“You lost?” said a voice from behind her.

Ruby tried her hardest not to be annoyed. “Do I just give off a vibe that I’m lost?”

"Quinn, don't bother the new girl," said another voice.

Ruby and the newly-identified Quinn turned to find that they were being spoken to by a gorgeous Latina with purple hair.

“Shove off, Ariela,” Quinn said, crossing her arms.

Ariela ignored her and turned her gaze to Ruby instead. “Who you got first this morning?”

Ruby glanced at her schedule. “Sloughtner,” she said.

“Cold reading?” Ariela asked.

Ruby nodded.

Quinn rolled her eyes. “Sucks to be you, then. Don’t even know why that class is required. All of us have done the audition circuit before. It’s a waste of time, if you ask me.”

Ariela glared at her. “Nobody asked you. It’s a good refresher course for first thing in the morning.” She turned back to Ruby. ”I’ll show you there.”

“I was showing the new girl around, Ariela,” Quinn seethed.

“I haven’t seen you helping any of the other new kids, Quinn,” Ariela shot back. “But then again, most of them aren’t white. I know how you feel about Devlin’s picks this year. Won’t be trying to collect any of them, I bet.”

Ruby was surprised to hear Freya’s name tossed about so casually in conversation, but tried not to show it.

Quinn stepped up to Ariela. “Just what are you implying?”

Ariela didn’t even blink. “I’m not implying anything. I’m saying that this school was very white before I got here and you weren’t even comfortable with me getting in. So why expect better from you?”

Another bell sounded.

“Warning bell,” said Ariela. She turned to Ruby. “Come on, I’ll help you find your intro class. I’m going to an improv class a few doors down, so it’s on my way.”

Ruby thought it would be best to do as she was told since she was rubbish at reading maps. She walked with Ariela for a few minutes, leaving Quinn seething behind them.

“What’s your name, new girl?” Ariela asked.

“Ruby,” she replied. “Ruby Fell.”

Ariela nodded. “Ruby Fell. Pretty name. I’m-”

“Ariela,” Ruby interjected. “Yeah. Think I gathered that. Also think I gathered that Quinn’s a racist?”

Ariela cringed. “Apparently it is considered rude in this country to call things by their proper name. The preferred English term is, I think, that she is a ‘huge bitch’. She has this tendency to want to ‘collect’ people into her invite-only acting troupe. And I saw you outside so I thought...I’ll spare you the trouble of being collected only to be kicked out later.”

This freaked Ruby out just a little bit. “Wait you saw me outside? What did you see?”

“I saw your parents walk you practically up to the front doors. Those were your parents, weren’t they?”

“Yeah, but I don’t see how-”

“You have gay parents. Quinn kicked out a member whose mother came out as a lesbian. Just the association with a family member didn’t click right with her. I wanted to spare you that humiliation of potentially getting into that group only to be forced out.” Ariela shook this off. “But I don’t wish to poison your mind against anyone. It is not my place to sway you one way or the other, Ruby Fell, only to lead you to your destination.” She stopped and indicated a door. “Which we have now reached.”

Ruby glanced nervously at the open door. “This is it?”

“It is,” Ariela nodded. “Do you mind me asking what you are studying, Ruby Fell?”

“Acting,” she shrugged. “Maybe a bit of everything though. We’ll see. You?”

“I dabble in acting,” Ariela admitted. “But I’m moving along in the screenwriting and directing program here. So we’re likely to run into each other at some point. Let me know if you need any help.”

Ruby was immediately suspicious of anyone being this nice. “Don’t need help,” she said. “Got it all under control.”

Ariela was confused by this response but thought it best to reserve judgement. “Alright then. Nice to meet you, Ruby Fell.”

Ruby watched her walk away and wondered if she ought to feel guilty for being so rude. She decided not to think about it, at least for the moment. Then she remembered that she was still standing outside a classroom.

 _You can’t stand here all day,_ she reasoned with herself. _You have to go inside at some point._

So she took a deep breath and went inside. She worried again that people would immediately stop and stare when she walked in the room, but once again nobody so much as turned their head. Then came the hard part.

She scanned the room, looking for a place to sit. Most of the seats had been filled already, apart from one near the window at the front of the class. She didn’t really like the idea of sitting too near the front. It felt too exposed. But at the very least, she had a window. She took that seat. It was only when she’d sat down that she noticed who was seated next to her.

The Asian girl with the purple extensions leaned over to talk to her. “I like your sunglasses. Real mysterious.”

Ruby wasn’t sure how to respond. “Thanks,” she said awkwardly. She was grateful for the cover the sunglasses provided her, and hoped they’d make her look less awkward and more enigmatic.

“I’m Chell,” the girl said. “Pronounced Shell, but spelled C-H-E-L-L. You’re the girl from before. While we were making Vic.”

Ruby nodded. “Yeah. Ruby.”

“Sorry that Max gave you such a hard time. Max’s cool.”

“You’re upperclassmen, then?”

Chell laughed. “No. Would I be in a cold reading class if I wasn’t a first year? This is entry level stuff.”

“But Max is older though?”

Chell shook her head. “No Max’s a first year too.”

“But she called me a newcomer?”

“Yeah, like I said, Max is giving you a hard time. It’s mostly because we don’t know who you are. All of us have done shows before, so for the most part we know each other. But we’ve never seen you before. Which makes you new girl.”

“Long as I’m not Zoey Deschanel. I tried watching that show, but it annoyed me.”

“So what shows have you been in before?”

“Sorry?”

“I mean none of us have seen you before, like I said, but you must’ve done some work before to get in here-”

“Hey, so, no offense, but why are you talking to me?” Ruby asked abruptly.

This stopped Chell in her tracks. “You sat down,” she said simply. “I just started talking.”

Ruby was immediately suspicious of anyone her own age who talked to her. “Yeah, sure, okay.”

Just then, the teacher walked in. He was a portly, white-haired man in his 50s who gave the impression that he was always stern and business-like even when no business was left to attend to.

“Good morning, class,” the man said. “I’m Professor Sloughtner, and this is Cold Reading. I know what you all must be thinking. ‘This is a waste of time.’ ‘I’ve been auditioning since I was three.’ ‘Why would I need a class about auditioning when I had to audition to get in here?’ The answer to those questions is simple. You could always use a refresher. It’s entirely possible that you’ve not worked a professional circuit before and have become complacent with your small regional theatres. When you work for the same group of people, you might pick up some bad audition habits without realizing it. So we’re going to pick through your techniques and find a more efficient way to make the correct impression on a casting director. What make me qualified for the job? I was a casting director for thirty years.”

…

Ruby ended up being grateful for the cold reading class. It seemed like something she could really use if she hoped to make it seem like she belonged here. The problem was, she couldn’t help but be distracted. Her mind continued to wander back to Egg Girl, wherever she was. She wasn’t in this intro class. So where could she have gone?

The class ended and Ruby began gathering her things. She looked up in time to see Chell give her a reassuring smile, but was unsure how to respond so stared blankly back until Chell’s smile faded and she walked away.

 _Great,_ Ruby thought. _Now they’re all really going to think you’re a freak. Just be normal. SMILE at people when they smile at you. Don’t be so weird._

She looked at her class schedule to determine where to go next.

Intro to Theatre, she read. She hoped Egg Girl would be there.

She consulted her map and began heading in the direction. She glanced up periodically from the map and during one of these glances, she noticed something troubling. She frowned and tried to shake it off, deciding instead to keep looking at her map.

But there it was again, the next time she looked up. A pale girl of about her own age with dark hair and a flapper dress. She’d tried to convince herself before that this was some student in a costume, but she had seen this face before. And she could tell the girl was looking right at her, and yet none of the other students could see her.

She groaned and decided to give in. She glanced around and found a bathroom. Once inside, she checked all the stalls to make sure she was alone.

But of course she wasn’t.

She kept her back turned to the ghost, the same one who had approached her at the bookstore. “What is it about the concept of ‘business hours’ that you find so difficult to understand?”

“I’m sorry,” the girl said. “But I don’t know what else to do.”

Ruby sighed. “This is my school, do you understand? It’s my first day and I’ve got to try to not seem like a freak. I’m already doing a terrible job of it on my own, but I can’t be seen talking to ghosts, understand?”

“Yeah…”

“I mean what’s your deal?” Ruby demanded. “Want revenge on the boyfriend who killed you? Got stampeded over during a Halloween party and have unfinished business? What is it?”

“I don’t know.”

Ruby found this curious and turned around to look at her. “You don’t know?”

“I don’t remember.”

Ruby just stared at her for a moment, calculating her next words carefully. “What’s your name?”

“I don’t remember.”

“You don’t remember anything?”

“That’s right.”

“And you’d like me to...What?”

“Help me figure out who I am and what happened to me.”

“Aren’t you better off like this, though?” The girl glared at her so she rushed on quickly. “I just mean like maybe whatever happened to you was really bad so you’re better off not knowing. You can start over. Be a new person.”

The girl looked at her like she was insane. “I’m dead. I can’t start over. Especially since most people can’t even see or hear me. But you wouldn’t know what it’s like to be constantly calling out for help and to have no one who can hear you or even knows you’re there.”

“I can imagine.” Ruby was conflicted. All she wanted to do was be left alone - she didn’t want any of this chosen one nonsense. She’d told God that herself. All she wanted was the chance to finally be a teenager. She didn’t need these burdens.

...And yet. There was something about this case that she found oddly compelling. Ruby was curious by nature, and already had a million questions burning in her head. She resigned herself to the fact that if she didn’t help, she’d drive herself mental not knowing the answer.

“I’ll think about it,” Ruby said. “I’m still not sure I want to do it but...You’ve got my attention now.” The warning bell sounded and Ruby knew she was about to be late for her next class. “I’ve gotta go. You know where my house is, meet me there after school.”

“Thank you.”

Ruby rushed to the door. “Don’t thank me yet.”


	9. Ghost

The cafeteria reminded her of a low-budget, Muggle version of the Hogwarts Great Hall. It was a large, domed room and all the tables were underneath a great glass skylight that reminded her a bit of Crowley’s greenhouse. The circular tables had benches that were furnished with comfortable purple cushions. Her classmates milled around between the tables and the serving area, which, at a glance, seemed to have better looking food than any school cafeteria she’d ever been in.

She felt lonely and isolated as she moved between the tables. Everyone here already seemed to know each other, and it was proving difficult to find anywhere to sit. Of course, she was used to being the girl who sat by herself at lunchtime, she just felt more exposed than ever because she was the new kid.

Her eyes landed on someone sitting alone at a table in the far corner. She took a second to pluck up the courage, then walked over.

She slid into the bench across from the stranger and put her sack lunch down on the table. “I’ve been looking for you all over,” she said, trying to seem casual. “Turns out you’re a hard person to track down.”

The girl Ruby had dubbed “Egg Girl” looked up from her book with a look of apprehension. “Track down?”

“Don’t worry, it’s not like I’m stalking you or anything,” Ruby replied. “If I was, I’d do a more efficient job. Just thought we should talk.”

“About?”

“Well, first thing’s first, what is that accent? You’ve said all of three words, and it’s just adorable, I’ll tell you.”

Egg Girl looked at her as if she’d lost her mind. “I’m Welsh.”

“Nice to meet you, Welsh-”

“No, I mean I’m from Wales. My name’s not Welsh. What kind of name would that be if I was named Welsh?”

“That’s a sort of grape juice, I think.”

“What?”

“Welsh. No, wait, maybe that’s Welch…”

“Did you want something?”

“Right, well, as I said, been looking for you. What’s your name? I’ve just been calling you Egg Girl, but that can’t be your name. Unless it is, then I apologize for making fun.”

She crossed her arms. “My nan always said not to give out your name to just anyone. Could be used against you.”

“That’s for fairies, right?” Ruby said, gleefully latching onto the cultural reference. “You’re not meant to give Fair Folk your name, because then they use it in their magic, right? I always loved all the old Celtic myths. I’ve read a lot of them. But unfortunately I’m not Fae, even if I am attempting to grow a fairy ring out of my new Amanita Muscaria. My dad’s still not wild about me having potentially poisonous and hallucinogenic mushrooms around the house, but it’s like we keep saying, I’ve done so well with the other three harmless breeds I’ve been growing, why not branch out, you know?”

Egg Girl stared at her. “What in God’s name are you talking about?”

She made a face. “Ew. Not in God’s name, never in God’s name. We’re not on speaking terms at the moment. We’re talking about your name.”

She was still suspicious. “And you’re not fae?”

“Wish I was. Or at least some sort of mad trickster entity. That would be wicked cool.”

Egg Girl clearly didn’t want to give up her name. “Look, just get to the point, already.”

“The Point? Ah, yes, the point. I need to know what you saw.”

“Saw?” She averted her gaze. “Saw when?”

“Outside. This morning. I need to know what you saw.”

“Trees. Grass. Cars-”

“Now you’re just listing things. What did you see?”

She snapped her eyes back to Ruby and leaned across the table. “Look, I didn’t see anything,” she whispered. “Absolutely nothing. I swear. I’m not gonna tell anyone.”

“Tell anyone what?” Ruby pressed. “If you didn’t see anything, then you wouldn’t have anything to tell.”

“It’s none of my business,” she said. “My nan always said not to go running into this kind of trouble. Just look the other way. Don’t get sucked in.”

“You’re not in any trouble. I just need to know what you saw.”

“I didn’t see anything-”

“I’m telling you that you’re not in any danger, regardless of how you answer. I just need to know.”

“How did you do that, though?” She blurted out. “I’m sorry, but it’s been bugging me all day. Can’t be a trick of the light in broad daylight. I was alone, then you were there. Out of nowhere. I don’t understand. That was real, right? I did see that? I’m not, I dunno, hallucinating or something? Because my nan did always say not to stick our nose into this magic business, but she was halfway round the bend, if you get me. I got a family history to deal with here.”

Ruby understood how confusing this must be. “You’re not cracking up. You’re not going crazy or mad or whatever else you wanna call it.”

“Now I really don’t understand,” Egg Girl said. “This is the intimidation part, isn’t it? This is where you’re supposed to tell me I’m losing it.”

“I wouldn’t call this the intimidation part,” Ruby protested. “Sounds so...intimidating. And what you’re talking about is gaslighting.”

“I know what gaslighting is,” she replied, evidently annoyed to be treated like she wouldn’t know a basic definition. “Have you ever actually read Gas Light? Or at least seen the movie?”

“Sorry?”

“The play. Gas Light. Where the word comes from.”

“Can’t say that I have.”

“Well I have. So don’t go around trying to lecture me on what gaslighting is until you’ve at least read it.”

Ruby crossed her arms. “Yeah, alright, well I lived it, so how ‘bout you don’t go lecturing me about what gaslighting is. Honestly, just a second ago you were frightened to bits that I’d kill you and now you’re sassing me? Not a smart survival strategy, is it?”

Her eyes widened as she realized her mistake. “Sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“Yeah, you did,” Ruby said, waving a hand dismissively. “But that’s good. Stand up for yourself. All I meant is that I’ve seen what that’s like up close. I wouldn’t ever try to make anyone feel like that.”

“But I can’t tell anyone, right?” she asked. “Like I’m an actual threat. If people knew about you, well, that’s why you’re hiding it, isn’t it? Humans aren’t very understanding of differences.” Ruby detected a note of bitterness in her voice before Egg Girl realized what she said and hurried to complete the thought. “Not that I’m saying you’re not human-”

“I’m not,” Ruby admitted, softly.

She breathed out slowly. “So you’re not. You’re not gonna tell me I’m crazy, but what are you gonna do to me? Because you don’t really have a lot of options, do you? I wouldn’t out you, I’m not like that, but you can’t possibly know that I won’t.”

“I’ll be real with you and say that I haven’t really considered my options,” Ruby said. “I’ve had enough time to, but I was only focused on getting this far. What would you say my options are, if you were in my shoes?”

Egg Girl had given this a bit of thought. “Well, you could kill me. That’s probably the safest bet.”

“Alright, so how about we get it out of the way early that I will not kill you-”

“Okay, so the threat is that if I tell anyone, you’ll kill my family-”

“Jeez, what is it with people trying to make me kill someone? I’m an avowed pacifist. I’d never consider it. Any non-lethal options?”

“Mind control?”

“I’m not a fan of removing free will. Grew up in a place without options, so I wouldn’t want to take yours.”

“Then I guess all that’s left is to wipe my memories. Just to be safe.”

“I could do that,” Ruby admitted. “I don’t know how to do that, but my dads do.”

“So that’s it, then,” she sighed. “Just take my memory.”

“You’re not listening. I said I could do that. Not that I would. You have a right to know things. Someone very close to me had her memory wiped for a time as a punishment, and it completely set her back for months. I wouldn’t do that to someone. You know what you know, and taking that away from you...Well, I’d only consider it in a Donna Noble situation. And even then...”

“Donna Noble?” Egg Girl repeated. “That’s Doctor Who, right?”

Ruby’s face lit up. “Yeah it is! You a fan?”

She shrugged. “My little brother is. We don’t live too far from Cardiff, so we’ve been on the set tours and everything. Not a bad show.”

Ruby was slightly disappointed that she didn’t share her same level of enthusiasm, but supposed it was better than nothing. “Ah. Well. That’s good, then. I mean, that’s something. You know, I was trying to be funny before.”

“When?”

“When I asked about your accent,” Ruby said. “Of course you’re Welsh. You’re no Gwen Cooper, but you’re definitely Welsh. Just never met one before-”

Egg Girl was impatient. “So what are you gonna do to me? If none of that is an option…?”

Ruby looked at her plaintively. “...Ask you nicely to please please not tell anyone?”

She raised one skeptical eyebrow. “Seriously?”

“I don’t have anything to offer you in exchange. Could offer my friendship, but honestly that’s got about as much value as an American penny - which is to say that making it costs more than it’s actually worth.”

Egg Girl tilted her head to the side. “I’m sure that’s a clever metaphor in a world where it makes sense?”

“Point is, that I am trying very hard to blend in here. I never fit in even when I was human at my old school, and now I’m new here and I thought it would be easier because nobody knows they’re supposed to hate me yet, but now I’m feeling like everyone is staring at me and waiting for me to do something freaky and I’m really not great at controlling my magic yet so-”

“Woah, alright, breathe,” Egg Girl said, holding out her hands in a peaceable gesture. “As monologues go, not a bad one right off the bat.”

“I also want you to know that I haven’t told anyone about you,” said Ruby. “My dads asked me specifically if I’d been seen, and I knew I had been, but I didn’t tell them.”

“Why?”

“Because they’re overprotective. I don’t mean that they’re bad people, I just mean they look out for me and get a bit jumpy when things look bad, you know? I know they were already nervous to be sending me to school, so I didn’t want them to be scrutinizing you. I wanted to have a chance to handle it my own way. Even if I’m not sure what my own way is.”

Egg Girl opened her mouth to respond, but they were interrupted.

Max put a lunch tray on the table. “Well, look who it is. Wynnie!”

Ruby raised her eyebrows at Egg Girl. “Wynnie? No wonder you didn’t want to tell me.”

Egg Girl sighed with exasperation. “I told you I’m not wild about that nickname, Max.”

“Right, right, sorry.” Max flashed her a toothy grin. “And you’re here with the new girl! Ruby, was it? Are you also crew, Ruby?”

“Sorry?” Ruby asked.

“Max and Wynnie are stage crew,” Nick said as he came to sit down at the table. “You didn’t know?”

“Well I don’t really know anyone, do I?” Ruby said, crossing her arms. “But it makes sense. For her, I mean.” She nodded at Egg Girl. “She seems like the crew type. Wouldn’t take you for it, though, Max.”

Max grinned, taking a seat as well. “It’s the hair, isn’t it? I’m making a statement.”

“If the statement is ‘I’m a Roxette fan and this is 1987’ then you’re knocking it out of the park,” Ruby said. “Which is a good aesthetic, don’t know why we gave it up.”

“Thought we were eating in the green room,” Chell said, coming up behind them.

“Got distracted,” Max said. “We’re eating here now.” 

Chell hovered uncertainly as she realized that the only spot was next to Ruby. 

“You can sit,” Ruby said. “It’s fine.”

“Alright,” Chell said, awkwardly taking a seat.

“So?” Max said. “Crew or not, Ruby?”

“Not,” she admitted. “Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to learn how to do that stuff, I’m just focused more on the acting side for now.”

“You look like it,” said Nick. “Just based on your whole…” He gestured broadly at her face and hair. “...Thing.”

“You can’t really tell an actor from their makeup, Nick. Otherwise, I’d be one too.” Max leaned toward Ruby conspiratorially. “Nick just thinks the aesthetic is wildly important because he does stage makeup.”

“Excuse me,” said Nick. “I also act. I do musical theatre.”

“A gay triple threat,” said Max. “At least that’s what he tells himself.”

“And you, Chell?” Ruby asked, keenly aware that she’d been rude to her before and wanting to make amends. “What do you, ah, study?”

“I’m also an actor,” she said. “I dabble a lot.”

“Right, right...That’s cool, that’s cool…”

“You’re not eating,” Max said. 

“Hm?”

Max nodded at the brown paper sack in front of Ruby. “You brought your lunch, but you haven’t opened it. That bad?”

Ruby had honestly forgotten it was lunch time, but suddenly remembered that she was starving. “No, I bet it actually really good. My dad packed it for me.”

“Aw, sweet,” mocked Nick.

Ruby’s eyes narrowed at this comment. “Yes, it was.” She began unpacking the lunch. “It was probably the simplest meal he ever made but…” She finished laying it out on the table.

“Uh yeah,” said Nick. “Looks real simple.”

“Is that a…” Chell prodded something wrapped in clear plastic wrap. “Is that a mini pie?”

Ruby was stunned. “Yeah, think so.”

“That looks good,” Chell said. “Where’d he buy that from?”

“Buy?” She scoffed, though she was still in shock. “Dad’s a gourmet chef. He’s offended by store bought.”

“You mean he made all of this fresh for you?” 

“In the time between when I went to bed and the time I woke up...yeah.” She picked up the pie and smelled it. “Apple. The food of knowledge.” She looked up at them anxiously. “It’s an inside joke.” She put down the pie and picked up a small plastic container. “Blimey, the plastic problem’s not going anywhere if dad keeps this up…” She pulled the lid off and stuck in her spoon, lifting it to her lips. “Mmmm. This is good. Is this what real chocolate pudding is supposed to taste like? I’ve only had it in cups or from a mix…” She saw them staring at her. “You want some? I like pudding, but you guys can try the rest?” She held it out.

“Don’t mind if I do,” Nick said, snatching it from her.

“He made you chips,” Max said. “I mean, those have got to be from a package, right?”

“I wouldn’t count on it,” she said. She opened that plastic container and dipped one fry in the sauce that came with it. “Oh wow, sweet potato fries? And I don’t know what this sauce is, but it’s amazing-”

Nick reached out to give a helpful hand. “Maybe if you let us try, we can identify it for you-”

Ruby slid the container closer to her and huddled around it like a squirrel protecting an acorn. “Try it and the fingers come off, pal.”

“I’m only saying, if they’re half as good as the pudding-”

“And I’m only saying that these are mine. None for you, Glen Coco.”

He pretended to pout and sat back further in his seat. She wasn’t sure if she was doing this social interaction thing correctly, but she wasn’t giving up these fries.

“At least this sandwich looks normal,” Egg Girl offered, speaking up for what seemed like the first time in ages. 

Ruby peered at it. “Yeah. That’s what makes me suspicious.” 

“Is that grilled cheese?” asked Nick.

“Yeah, but you can’t have it,” she said. “Dad makes me grilled cheese when I’ve had a big day, it’s his thing. Which means I probably shouldn’t trust that it’s at all normal…” She bit into it. “Mhm.” She swallowed. “As I suspected. Three cheese on his homemade garlic bread.”

If Nick’s eyebrows traveled any further, they’d fly off his head. “Homemade-”

“Also mine, no touching,” she warned.

“That’s the best school lunch I’ve ever seen,” Egg Girl said. “Well, I mean, not exactly school lunch, but still a lunch in a school.”

She shrugged. “Dad doesn’t know how to be normal.”

“Yeah, that runs in the family, I guess,” Egg Girl replied.

Ruby took a bite of her sandwich and contemplated the situation she’d got herself into. She couldn’t tell why any of these people were sitting with her. She sort of got Egg Girl though she had to wonder why the Welsh girl hadn’t gotten as far away as possible when the others had offered a distraction. She couldn’t tell at all what the motivation of these others was. She had to figure there was a joke somewhere that she wasn’t getting. She had to figure that maybe she was the joke. But this joke was much more subtle than the jokes she was used to having hurled at her, so she was confused.

“So Wynnie, you and Ruby know each other?” Max asked.

“What? No. We’ve never met before today.”

“Ah,” Max was suddenly even more intrigued by Ruby. “So you haven’t worked with any of us before. Interesting. Where’d you study before?”

“A long way away,” Ruby said. “Nowhere important.”

“And what are your credits so far? Stage credits, I mean.”

Ruby stared her down. “You looking for a resume?”

“Just trying to get to know you,” Max said. “Most of the people in this room have met at one time or another. Child actors in this country have limited options, so if we don’t work together, at least we’re in the same auditions rooms. Nick and I met while I was helping with a regional production of Annie. Chell and I auditioned for the same romantic comedy production in Camden.”

“Neither of us got it,” Chell said with a wry smile.

“They were going in a ‘different direction’.” Max made air quotes around the phrase.

“Funny, because they said they were looking for a ‘diverse cast’ in the call.”

“Yeah, but they meant for background actors.”

“The part ended up going to Quinn Templeton.”

“Because everything goes to Quinn Templeton.”

Ruby thought she recognized that name, at least partially. “Wait, that’s not the same Quinn that I met this morning? Blonde, tall, smiles too much but gives off vaguely threatening energy?”

“That’s the one,” said Chell. “She gets the parts in everything. It’s the blonde thing.”

“And the white thing,” Max added. “You could say casting Quinn even after advertising for a diverse cast is the white thing to do.”

A wave of laughter rolled around the table, touching everyone but Egg Girl and Ruby. Ruby thought it was a clever joke, she just didn’t know anyone well enough to make the judgments necessary to laugh at it.

“But that’s interesting,” Max said. “You said you met her this morning and you didn’t know who she was. She’s been on stage since she was 4, so you were bound to at least know of her by now…”

“I’m...reclusive,” Ruby said, vaguely. “You didn’t say how you met...” She didn’t feel comfortable calling her ‘Wynnie’ since she obviously didn’t like that name, but she couldn’t exactly call her Egg Girl either. Luckily Max took the hint.

“Oh,” Max said. “Well, we were all taking an improv workshop together.”

“You act?” Ruby asked Egg Girl.

She shrugged. “Not really. I did the one improv workshop, but I don’t really like acting in front of people. I like working with the practical effects. I like figuring out how you can create illusions when there’s no screen between you and the audience. It’s a tricky business, but it’s worth it if you do it right.”

“Oh sort of like a magic trick?” Ruby asked her.

“Sorta,” said Egg Girl. “Except bigger.”

“My dad’s been teaching me magic tricks,” said Ruby. “You’ll have to show me how you do it sometime.” She realized that she was being presumptive, and that it might come across as a command. “If you want, I mean.” She noticed that Nick was trying to slyly angle for her fries. “Don’t even think about it.”

“I was gonna do a magic trick!” he protested.

“What, make my food disappear?” she asked, raising her eyebrows. “You do that, and I’ll cut you open and pull it out like a rabbit from a hat.”

...

Maggie arrived at Fell Cottage, as those in the loop had taken to calling it after Ruby had decided that the house had to have a name, not long after lunch. She hadn’t called ahead, but the car was in the driveway, so she knocked at the door. No response. She knocked again.

She heard a meow from near her ankles and looked down to see a small black-and-red cat looking up at her. 

“Well aren’t you cute…” she cooed, bending down to scratch its ears. 

The cat purred in response and began pawing at the welcome mat. 

“What an odd welcome mat,” said Maggie. “I know I say that every time I end up here, Freddie, but most mats in this position are supposed to welcome you in, but this one just says ‘Go Away, This is Your One Warning’...What’s all this scratching about, little one?” Then it dawned on her. She lifted up the mat and sure enough a spare key was waiting beneath it. She picked it up and scratched behind the cat’s ears. “Thanks, little friend.”

She let herself into the house and stood for a moment to let her eyes adjust after the bright sunlight in the garden. She glanced around the cozy parlor room, her eyes skipping past the master bedroom and Ruby’s bedroom as she tried to ascertain the source of the noise she was hearing. She followed it into the kitchen and then down the steps into the den.

She found Aziraphale and Crowley curled up under a blanket on the sofa, fast asleep while some game show rerun played on the television. Crowley was nestled tightly against Aziraphale’s chest, and the arm that Aziraphale had coiled around him could almost be mistaken as protective even in sleep.

Maggie took a seat in the same armchair that Crowley had sat in the night before, as Freddie jumped up and nudged Crowley awake.

“Hm? What is it?” he asked, groggily. “Feeding time?” His bleary eyes fell on Maggie. He shook Aziraphale awake. “Zira. We’ve got company.”

Aziraphale jolted into wakefulness. “What? Where’s Ruby?”

“Ruby’s fine,” Maggie assured him. “Or, at least, presumably she is. That’s not why I’m here.”

“Maggie?” Aziraphale sat up to get a better look. “Did we have an appointment?”

“No, but I thought you might need me,” she said. “Not as a therapist, of course, I know you’d never hire me...but it’s Ruby’s first day of school. Surely you have some concerns.” She presented a small basket. “I prepared some raspberry scones.”

Aziraphale was suddenly very interested. “Well in that case…” He moved Crowley out of the way so that he could take the basket. 

Crowley watched him with some amusement before turning back to Maggie. “You sure this isn’t one of your things where you trick us into therapy like you do with Ruby? Lull us into a false sense of security with scones and therapize us?”

“No,” Maggie lied. “Of course not. Just being friendly.”

Crowley just looked at her steadily. “Alright, so that’s the second obvious lie today.”

“Come on, Crowley,” said Aziraphale. “What’s the harm in having her stay? Ruby’s still at school, so we’ve got nothing on.”

“We were having an afternoon with just the two of us,” Crowley reminded him. “Don’t you want an afternoon with the two of us?”

“We had a few hours,” Aziraphale reminded him. After all the flirtation in the Bentley on the way home, the husbands had returned to their cottage in a spectacularly good mood. Though there was talk of the possible things they could get up to with the house to themselves, they quickly found that all they wanted to do was curl up under a blanket and take a nap. It had been such a long time since they’d had time to do that, what with a curious teenager always zooming about the place. It sure wasn’t the glamorous or sexy thing that you’d expect new parents to get up to when the child is out of the house, but it was exactly the sort of thing they’d get up to. “Now I think it’s time for a chat, don’t you?”

“What would we possibly talk about?” Crowley asked, irritably.

“Well, you could start with what the first obvious lie was that you heard today,” Maggie prompted. “What’s that about?”

Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a look and Crowley sighed. “I do have to admit that that’s been weighing on me.”

“I’m still convinced that we’re doing the right thing,” Aziraphale asserted.

“What is it that you’re doing?” Maggie pushed.

“Ruby lied to us this morning,” Aziraphale admitted. “She hasn’t done that in ages. She trusts us, so she’s usually very honest with us.”

“But you know that she was lying?”

“We could feel it,” said Crowley. “Not the way I could feel that you were lying to us. That was a sort of minor sense of sin. This was feeling her guilt and anxiety and knowing that she felt bad about lying to us.”

“Why would she feel the need to?”

“She accidentally teleported from the car to the school,” Aziraphale said. “Overeager, I guess you could say. We asked if she was seen, and she lied to us.”

“That sounds like a dangerous situation,” said Maggie. 

Aziraphale nodded. “It is. But she’s been in dangerous situations before, and we trust her to know when to ask us for help. And the truth is that, as the person who invented the concept of lying to your parents, I trust that she has a good reason. I imagine she’s probably protecting someone.”

“Do you think we’re being too easy on her?” asked Crowley anxiously. “I mean, we don’t, because we trust her. We want to treat her as an equal, and in some cases that means that omitting the truth to temporarily protect someone has to be permissible. We don’t want to fly off the handle and get too offended by the possibility that she’s lying to us. We want to try to understand her motivations first and work with her when possible. But if you think we should’ve pressed her more-”

“No, actually, I think you’re handling this incredibly well,” said Maggie. “That’s exactly what I’d advise any parent to do in this situation. Wait for her to come to you. Pressing her or punishing her would drive her further away and make her more likely to lie in future. When she knows that you trust her decisions, she’ll come to you.”

“She’s actually known for being a liar, you know,” said Crowley. “We were told up-front. And we knew she was good with bluffing, but we’d never really had to see it outright. Not that I’m saying she is untrustworthy, I know she has her reasons...I just wish I knew why she felt she needed to lie to us. She knows we love her no matter what.”

“She likely just wants a chance to figure out how to handle it,” said Maggie. “It might not even have anything to do with you. She just needs time.”

“Well she’s got plenty,” said Aziraphale. “If I’m being honest, I’m almost more worried about last night.”

“Last night?” Maggie pressed. “What happened last night?”

Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged an anxious glance. “Well,” said Aziraphale. “To tell you the truth...Ruby had another nightmare.”

“Oh?” Maggie asked. “She hasn’t had one of those in a while. Or at least she hasn’t had one big enough to be noteworthy. Why’s this one special? Did she tell you what it was about?”

“Of course not,” said Crowley. “This is still Ruby we’re talking about.”

“She was just unusually quiet,” Aziraphale explained. “It usually doesn’t take her too long to come back to her senses and become human again. But she fell asleep in cat form. And woke up in cat form. We didn’t see her out of her animal form until she came to breakfast.”

“From what you’ve described in the past, I’d say she feels more comfortable in her cat form than in her human one,” said Maggie.

“But why would that be?” asked Aziraphale.

“Is there any reason she’d associate being a cat with feelings of safety?” 

Freddie hopped up onto Crowley’s lap, prompting him to remember something he hadn’t considered. “Zira,” he said, softly. “Right after she died...She was a cat for a while…”

Aziraphale let the memory of those months wash over him. “Ah. Yes. That would explain it.”

“A cat?” Maggie asked. “I take it you...don’t mean that metaphorically?”

“Not as such, no,” admitted Aziraphale.

“So she was reincarnated?”

“Not exactly.”

“But she was a cat.”

“Not just any cat.” Crowley scratched behind Freddie’s ears. “This cat. But that’s her business.”

“Oh did we show you?” asked Aziraphale. “We’ve got the cutest little picture of Ruby, we took it on Crowley’s camera cellular telephone.” He motioned for Crowley to hand over the phone.

“Zira, maybe not in front of company-” Crowley warned.

“You had no problem showing Anathema!” protested Aziraphale.

“Anathema knows things,” pointed out Crowley.

“Fine, I’ll give Maggie context then you can show her the picture.” He turned to Maggie. “Ruby told you she’s part angel and part demon? That’s because she was grown from the two of us. Yes, the rumors are true. We’re an ex-angel and an ex-demon.”

Maggie wasn’t surprised by this at this point. She’d guessed that on her own. “So...which one was the angel?”

“Me, of course!” said Aziraphale.

“Really?” asked Maggie. “To be honest, I can’t see either of you as angels, but you, Aziraphale? Your lifestyle is so...” She floundered for a word to describe it. “Indulgent?” She immediately found herself with more questions. “So how did you two end up together? And that means there was a god and one theology was right?”

“Lofty questions for another time, I should think,” Aziraphale said delicately. 

She blinked. “Yes, of course. I should’ve realized this is a sore subject for you both.”

“It’s alright,” said Crowley. “Humans do that. It’s one of their best qualities.”

“I simply wanted to provide the small bit of context I could,” said Aziraphale. “When we say we’re from Heaven and Hell, it’s not a metaphor. And angelic and demonic societies both functioned like cults. There were very strict rules and a social hierarchy that severely punished anyone who dared to deviate.” 

Crowley watched his husband closely, detecting an expression that he’d seen many times before during times when Aziraphale was forced to examine his relationship with Heaven. Crowley didn’t know how to describe it, exactly, except to say that it was sort of hollow. Fearful, except removed from the fear. Detached in a way.

“We don’t have to go through this all now, Angel,” Crowley said delicately, trying to keep him grounded to the present. “You can show Maggie the picture, if you like.” He reached into his pocket to hand Aziraphale the phone. “I know how much you like the picture.”

“Hm?” He came back to himself. “Oh, yes, right.” He began looking through the unlocked phone. “It’s adorable, she’s so embarrassed to get her picture taken. She’s trying to cover her face with her wings.”

“She has wings?” asked Maggie.

Aziraphale showed her the picture. “Look at the little bat wings. Just adorable.”

“Out little goth child,” said Crowley, with a certain pride of his own.

“How are you, by the way?” asked Maggie. “How are you coping with her being at school, apart from the lying thing?”

“Well, I’m not going to lie and say it’s easy,” said Aziraphale. “Neither of us like the idea of her over there on her own.”

“If it was up to me,” said Crowley. “We’d hide in the bushes in animal form and keep watch.”

“We won’t allow any cruelty toward our daughter,” Aziraphale said.

“But we trust her,” Crowley sighed. “So we leave her be. Let her be normal - as normal as possible, anyway. We gave her everything she needs in case of emergency.”

“Such as?” prompted Maggie.

“Well, I packed her a lunch,” said Aziraphale.

“And I gave her Holy Water and sunglasses,” said Crowley.

“You’re a strange pair, that’s for certain,” said Maggie.

“She can take care of herself,” said Crowley. “She’s proven that time and again.”

“But you’re no less anxious about leaving her on her own,” Maggie nodded. “It’s normal.”

“It is?” asked Aziraphale.

Maggie smiled. “Yes it is. First-time parents do tend to experience separation anxiety from their children, though usually it’s when they’re much younger. I can recommend a parents group for you if you need extra support.”

“A support group?” asked Crowley. “No thank you-”

“We’ll consider it,” said Aziraphale. He noticed Crowley glaring at him. “What? I can see the potential merit in the idea, is all. I didn’t say we had to go.”

“I’ll leave the info with you,” said Maggie. “Who knows? You might get something out of it.”

“We’re doing the right thing, aren’t we?” asked Crowley. “Letting her go to school? She didn’t get on well with other children at her last school, and she’s only been with us for a few months. Do you think she’s ready? Especially when she doesn’t have a handle on her powers yet?”

“I think this is exactly the right thing to do,” said Maggie. “You could’ve continued homeschooling her indefinitely, and I think she would’ve enjoyed that, but she needs more. She won’t grow if you keep her locked up away from anyone else her own age. She needs to socialize and learn how to blend in as best she can without sacrificing who she is. She indicated to me that she was ready to give this a shot, so I think it was the perfect time to try.”

“Tea,” Aziraphale said, startling everyone with his sudden departure from the topic. “I should make us some tea. How rude of me…” He left the room before anyone could say anything.

“He does this often?” asked Maggie.

Crowley just stared after him. “Makes tea?”

“You know what I meant.”

He took a deep breath and turned his attention to her. “Sometimes he needs a minute. It’s fine. We all do sometimes after what we went through. I sometimes think he has more trouble accepting it than Ruby does. I know that seems strange to say, given that Ruby seems more than willing to accept her situation-”

“Not strange at all,” Maggie interrupted gently. “Ruby has compartmentalized extremely well. She refuses to think at all about what happened before unless she can be witty about it. Aziraphale doesn’t seem to have that in-built defense mechanism. You did extremely well with him just now.”

“How do you mean?”

“When he started to dissociate,” she explained. “You guided him back. It seemed like you knew what to look for and had lots of experience helping.”

“Dissociate,” Crowley repeated. “Is that what that’s called? I’ve always wondered if it had a proper name.”

“He does that often?”

“Not as much as he used to. He’s gotten better. I try to keep him happy so he doesn’t have to think about it.”

“When did he first start doing this?”

“I don’t remember, exactly. He used to get very defensive any time I’d try to convince him that Heaven wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, but occasionally I’d make a point he couldn’t deny...and he’d just stare off into space. But it was never that bad until the night we averted the apocalypse. We were sitting on a bench waiting for the bus and he was just staring. I don’t think it hit him yet. I don’t think he was quite ready to understand the weight of what had just happened. He’d defied Heaven, gone against them in a big way.”

“Was he fearful of retaliation?”

“To some degree, maybe. But this was also a realization of what he’d done and what he couldn’t take back. He’d finally made a decision. Now he had to come to terms with it.”

“He regretted it?”

“I don’t think so? I just don’t think he could cope with it. In the early days, when I first got him home, I’d catch him like that all the time. He’d have a book in hand, but he just wasn’t there. It’s funny, apart from that time when we managed to convince him that Heaven was a cult, I think this is the only incidence of this since we met Ruby. There was some similar sort of break the night she was Made, but it was more the sort of binge drinking to cope. I’ve been through that myself. Which is why we’ve decided not to drink as much. We need to be present for her sake.”

“You must be great at handling Ruby when she gets like that if you’ve had so much experience.”

“She doesn’t get like this nearly as much as you’d think,” Crowley admitted. “I mean she’s so young and just so recently rescued-”

“You talk about her like a rescue animal.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, guess so. Hard not to. She’s our little rescue kitten. She certainly lashes out like one. That’s what she does most of the time. If something makes her think too hard about what she went through, she gets angry about it. Treats it like an injustice to be fixed. She never wants to talk about it, she just moves on.”

“They cope in opposite ways, I suppose,” said Maggie. “How do you cope?”

“Me?” he asked. “I don’t know, I...have hobbies, I guess.”

“Your plants?”

“Yeah. Working with them helps me think.”

Maggie smiled. “Ruby says the same thing about her mushrooms.”

“You know, it’s funny. Ruby really isn’t much of a gardener except to those mushrooms, but I feel like I’ve learned a lot from her. She caught me shouting at my plants one day.”

“I bet she didn’t take that so well. People in her fragile state can be triggered so easily by shouting or expressions of anger.”

“Yeah. Anyway, since then, I’ve been trying to be kinder. To the plants, I mean. I was a bit overly critical. I used to enjoy it, the feeling of being in control. But now I’ve lost my taste for it. I want to be kinder. To guide something to bloom rather than to punish it for existing. I think my plants are a bit suspicious of it though. Like I'm trying to lull them into a false sense of security."

"Maybe they're just not used to it."

"Honestly, it's so much easier to be kind to Ruby. It comes naturally. We sort of share the same language, so I don't need to adjust. I can tell her she did well or give specific notes, but leave it at that. No sense getting overexcited."

"That probably puts her at ease too. I doubt she'd trust overt praise."

"Sometimes after Aziraphale would gets himself worked up over her latest achievements, she does have to excuse herself for a while. She gets too emotional. I'm the same way. She's so kind to her mushrooms, though. Wonderfully kind."

Maggie smiled. "You can't say enough good things about her, can you?"

"We finally talked about my gender situation," Crowley admitted. "Last night."

"Before or after she had the nightmare?" Maggie joked. "Oh come on, now, I'm kidding. How did she react?"

"Surprisingly," said Crowley. "But really it shouldn't be surprising, because now I know it's the only way she could've reacted. I mean, we're talking about _Ruby._ She wants to understand. You know, she told me she feels safe around me."

"Ouch, that had to sting," Maggie laughed. "Oh come on, I'm joking again. I just mean that you're the sort of person who wants everyone to think you're meaner than you are."

"I used to be," Crowley admitted. "I still am. Except when it comes to her. I don't know, I guess it means a lot coming from her."

"She's never felt safe in her life," Maggie said. "So it's a big deal."

...

The bell rang to indicate that lunch was over. Everyone at Ruby’s table took out their class schedules to compare where they had to go next.

“I’ve got Acting for Beginners,” said Chell. “I love all these classes that are ‘for beginners’ as if we weren’t all required to have a minimum amount of experience just to get in.”

“I’ve got Directing for Beginners,” said Max. “In that case, the ‘beginners’ designation is perfectly fine with me.”

“You’re finally doing the directing thing?” asked Nick.

“I told you I was,” said Max.

“Yeah, but you’re always saying you’re gonna try directing next,” said Nick. “I never actually believed you.”

“I’m taking lots of classes aimed towards directors this semester,” she said. “What about you, Nick, where are you heading?”

He suddenly looked excited. “I’ve got my FX Makeup course next.”

“Just be careful,” Chell teased. “You’re likely to run into Katie in one of those makeup classes.”

He groaned. “Katie, Katie...She’s hopeless, isn’t she? When will she get the hint that I’m gay?”

“It’s not exactly like you’ve been hinting,” said Chell. “Didn’t I hear a rumor that you were coming out when you were 10?”

“First of all, Chell, I was 8,” Nick corrected her. “And second of all, I think she thinks if she keeps on long enough, then I’ll just magically turn straight for her. Poor thing.”

They all finished gathering their things and made their way to the door that led back to the main school. 

“Where are you off to?” Chell asked Egg Girl. 

“Hm? Oh, I’m taking a stage lighting course.”

“I've got an Intro Theatre course," Ruby said.

They all parted ways. Ruby went to her intro course, then finally went to her Acting for Beginners later in the afternoon. The final bell rang and she was gathering her things when she saw Egg Girl in the hallway and hurried to catch up.

Ruby spotted Egg Girl in the hallway. “Hey!” She hurried to catch up. “Hey, so-”

“I’m still thinking,” Egg Girl said firmly. “You can’t expect me to know what the right thing is to do when I’ve been so busy. This is all just way too much to process this fast.”

“Yeah, of course,” Ruby said, a little put out. “No pressure.”

Egg Girl seemed to pick up on the fact that she was insecure and nervous. She softened slightly. “Look, I’ll let you know when I know, alright? I’ve got to think things through before I come to any decisions. I don’t like acting before I know the facts.”

Ruby nodded. “I understand that. It’s just that, well, I can’t tell you any facts. Not really. I’m not supposed to. And normally that wouldn’t stop me, but...I think my dads are right on this one. Look, I just hope you know that you’re not in any danger. You’re free to decide what you want to do. I just hope you won’t tell anyone. You don’t have to talk to me - I’m not expecting to have any friends anyhow. But please at least don’t tell anyone. I’m trying so hard not to mess this up. I always mess things up.”

Egg Girl just looked at her for what seemed like an eternity. “I’ll think about it, okay? That’s the best I can do.”

Ruby smiled sadly. “That’s the best any of us can do.” She turned to walk away.

“My name’s Selwyn,” Egg Girl said, stopping her in her track’s just before she reached the door. “Selwyn Rose.”

Ruby smiled, recognizing progress when she saw it. “That’s funny.”

Selwyn crossed her arms. “What is?”

Ruby turned to face her. “Our names are opposites. Ruby Fell, Selwyn Rose...Past tense actions, polar opposites.”

Selwyn looked at her as if she’d lost her mind again. “I don’t think it’s that deep. I think it’s actually supposed to be after the flower.”

“Fair enough,” said Ruby. “Thanks. For trusting me at least this much. I know I haven’t given you any reason to. I don’t blame you for being cautious.”

“Still not convinced you’re not fae,” said Selwyn. “But my nan always did say better to be on the right side of the Fae, anyway. But I’m cautious enough to not eat your food.”

“Good idea, really, because I’m not forgiving of that sort of thing. Got real close to biting off Nick’s hand today. Now there’s a guy who will come on the wrong side of the Fae one day if he’s not careful.”

Selwyn laughed, which was another positive sign. “Yeah.” The laughter disappeared quickly as she remembered her worry. “I’ll let you know, alright?” 

Selwyn turned and began scurrying away in the opposite direction.

“Alright!” Ruby called after her. “Thanks!” She turned back to the door. “That wasn’t awkward at all…” She muttered to herself.

...

Ruby peered into the bright afternoon light and adjusted her sunglasses. She caught sight of the Bentley and waved as she hurried to climb inside.

“You sure you don’t mind us picking you up?” asked Crowley, peering out the window at other students milling about. “I’ve seen the television shows, I know that teenagers are meant to be more embarrassed.”

Ruby’s mind was elsewhere as she fastened her seatbelt. “What would I have to be embarrassed about?”

“So?” Aziraphale enquired with the air of a middle-aged housewife who’s just gotten the newest novel in her favorite series and is eager to see the resolution to the cliffhanger. “How was it? Good?”

“Good,” she said, absently. Then she came back to herself. “Good, yes, good! Very good! Very informative!”

Crowley began driving the car and left Aziraphale to the questioning.

“What classes are you taking?”

“Well today was just the Monday-Wednesday-Friday classes,” she explained. “I have different ones on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

“How perfectly confusing,” said Aziraphale. 

She shrugged. “I’ll get used to it.”

“What did you take today?”

“Well I took a nice intro class this afternoon. I’ve got to do some reading about Ancient Egyptian passion plays in the textbook tonight. But that’s fine, because I’ve noticed that for some reason, the Ancient Egypt unit is MUCH smaller than all the other units.”

“Oh that’ll just be because it’s an English class,” Aziraphale replied, dismissively. “Europeans want to believe so badly that they invented all forms of culture.”

“Humans have always been involved in telling each other stories,” agreed Crowley. “We saw evidence of that back in Mesopotamia.”

“I’ll grant you that the Greeks did create theatre by its modern secular definition,” Aziraphale said. “It used to be more ritualistic.”

“Audience participation was mandatory,” remembered Crowley.

“But, yes, the Egyptian unit is likely smaller,” said Aziraphale. “For those reasons, and also because we have much less record of what actually went on there. What else did you take today?”

“I took a cold reading class right before the intro class,” she said.

“And what’s that?” asked Aziraphale.

“That’s what Madam Tracy does,” said Crowley. “Or did, when she was still doing her psychic scams.”

“Not that kind of cold reading, Crowley,” explained Ruby. “In theatre, it’s a sort of introduction to auditioning. You don’t always get prepped with a script ahead of time, so you’ve got to be good right off. We’re working on memorization and enunciation and posture and stuff.”

“Sounds boring,” said Crowley. "Take anything more fun?"

“I had a acting class! That was fun! We did lots of little exercises.”

“Did you see Freya at all today?” asked Aziraphale.

“Yeah, this morning," said Ruby. "I don't take her class until tomorrow though."

“Anything else you want to tell us, Ruby?” asked Aziraphale timidly. “You seem a bit preoccupied.”

She wanted to tell them, she really did. Not just because she felt guilty or because she didn’t like keeping secrets from them, but because she was used to talking about everything with them. She’d spent her whole life learning how to shut up and keep parts of herself hidden from grownups, but she’d gotten used to getting to be herself around Aziraphale and Crowley. The secrecy felt strange and unwelcome.

“No, don’t think so,” she lied. “Oh wait! Yeah, actually. Got someone coming over to meet me at the cottage.”

Aziraphale lit up. “You made a friend already? Didn’t I tell you-”

She shook her head. “Not a friend, exactly.”

“You sure it’s a good idea?” Crowley said. “Having someone over this soon?”

She shrugged. “It’ll have to be. Besides, they’re not really a someone.”

...

The Bentley came to a stop in the driveway and they all peered out at the translucent ghost at the front door.

“So that’s her,” said Aziraphale.

“She fits the description,” Crowley replied. “Dark hair, flapper, Ruby’s age…”

“Are you sure you’re up to this?” asked Aziraphale. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I know you wanted a chance at passing as normal.”

“Normal,” she repeated, dryly. “Not sure that’s really ever been in the cards for me. Might be time to accept that.”

She opened the car door and climbed out, leaving Aziraphale and Crowley inside to exchange a look then follow.

“Alright,” Ruby said, unlocking the door and ushering the ghost inside. “Let’s get this over with.”

“Ruby, don’t be so rude to your guest,” Aziraphale said as they all entered the parlor and shut the door behind them. He turned to the ghost. “Welcome to our home. We’re Ruby’s parents. Ruby tells us you don’t know what your name is, so we won’t waste time with that. Is there anything we can get you?”

The ghost stared at him. “I’m a ghost.”

Aziraphale realized his mistake with some awkwardness. “Yes. Of course.” He gestured to a chair. “Perhaps we should take this to the living room-”

“No,” Ruby said firmly. “The living room is for the alive. Or the sort of alive, anyway. We can take care of business here in the parlor.”

Aziraphale was aware of the fact that there were only three chairs in the parlor but knew better than to argue with her. “Yes, of course,” he said. He gestured to a chair. “Please, have a seat.”

The ghost took the middle seat while Ruby took the seat nearest the door. Crowley and Aziraphale were left with the choice of who would get the last armchair. They could just miracle another one, but they were both so fussy about their decor.

“You go ahead, Angel,” said Crowley, indicating the chair nearest the kitchen. Aziraphale sat down while Crowley perched himself on the arm for his chair.

“Now,” Ruby said shortly. “What’s the problem?”

“Wish I knew,” the ghost replied.

“Right,” Ruby said. “You don’t know who you are?”

“Right.”

“Where you come from?”

“Right.”

“You’ve got an American accent, though. New York, I’d say?” He glanced at Aziraphale, who nodded. “It’s a very old-school accent. You don’t hear it much anymore. That has to be some sort of starting place.”

She shrugged noncommittally. “America’s sorta big, isn’t it? Least it was last time I checked. Maybe it got smaller.”

“No, no, it’s still fairly large,” said Aziraphale.

“But how’d an American start haunting in England?” Ruby asked. “I mean I thought you lot were supposed to be tethered to one spot.”

“My understanding,” said Crowley. “Is that when something particularly traumatic happens, the soul can detach and just wander. I think that’s what we’re seeing here.”

"Wow," said the ghost. "This guy sounds like he really knows his onions."

“Still,” Ruby said. “Big ocean.”

“There are ways of getting across that ocean,” Aziraphale reminded her. “You know that better than anyone.”

She hated being reminded. “Yeah, I guess. How old are you?”

“Sixteen,” said the ghost. 

“You remember that, at least.”

“I can’t explain it. I know things sometimes. Never anything important.”

Ruby wondered how best to tackle this subject so decided just to rip the bandaid off. “Do you remember anything at all about how you were killed?”

“No,” the ghost said. “Or not really. It’s very fuzzy. I think the walls were white...or yellow.” She closed her eyes. “Every time I think about it, I get a headache. I can’t…”

Ruby’s brow furrowed. She turned to her parents. “Can ghosts get headaches?”

Aziraphale was torn between fascination and confusion. “I...don’t know. They don’t have physical bodies, as such, so they shouldn’t feel pain…”

“Aziraphale clearly hasn’t ever met a real ghost,” Crowley said, solemnly. “It’s not the same as a soul in Heaven or even a soul in Hell. It’s this middle place. I’ve seen ghosts reenact the gruesome ways they were killed. Over and over, trying to find some peace with it, unable to see that it’s not really happening anymore. They can’t comprehend that they already felt that pain, because they keep being forced to go through it. My guess is the head pain has something to do with what happened to her. She’s not completely reliving whatever happened to her, because she’s not tethered to the spot. And anyway, she wouldn’t know what she’d have to reenact in the first place. She’s cursed with being aware that she’s dead, but that awareness probably freed her from the constant experience of it.”

Ruby realized that the ghost still had her eyes closed. “Hey, you alright? Oi!” The ghost snapped out of it. “That’s better. Look, if it hurts so much to try to think of it, why are you digging into it?”

“To tell you the truth,” said the ghost, wearily. “I’m just about sick and tired of this.”

“What, does walking through walls get boring the millionth time?” Ruby said sarcastically.

“I don’t know who I am,” the ghost insisted. “I don’t know anything important. Everything seems like it’s just out of reach if only I could...I don’t know if I’m even a victim here. Maybe I did something and I’m being punished? Maybe I was a moll or something. I have no way of knowing. And, to tell ya the truth, I never know what’s happening. The world keeps turning around me and I have no idea how much time is passing. Time slips through my fingers if I don’t try to keep a tight grip on it. It’s very confusing. I don’t know how long I’ve been like this.”

“Ruby’s always been bothered by not knowing things too,” said Aziraphale. Ruby glared at him.

“Truthfully, all that I could deal with,” the ghost said. “But I feel like there was something I wanted to be and I never got to be it. My whole life was taken away from me, but I don’t even know what it was. And now I’m completely alone.”

“I get what that’s like,” Ruby said. “I was all alone until I met Aziraphale and Crowley. Spending a whole life alone isn’t easy.”

“But it’s different,” the ghost insisted. “You have people now. Parents. And even if you didn’t, you could still reach out and talk to people. Even if they didn’t listen, that would be a choice. You can feel like nobody hears you, but it’s true for me. No matter how loud I scream, nobody can hear me. You’re the first people I’ve been able to talk to in...Let’s just say a very long time.”

Ruby understood and empathized with this position. “Alright, let’s just say I did help you. What would I even do? I’m a 16-year-old halfbreed freak. I’ve got no relevant experience for something like this. What are you looking to get out of this?”

“I just want to move on,” she said. “Go to wherever the next place is. Scram.”

“Even if it’s worse?” asked Crowley.

She nodded. “Even then. At least then I’d know. What could be a worse hell for me than being completely alone on a planet of billions? I’m so tired of being alone.”

“How did you know about me?” asked Ruby. “I’m not Madam Tracy, I don’t advertise.” She had never met Madam Tracy, but she’d heard of her.

“I don’t know,” the ghost admitted. “I lost track of time for a while and when I returned I was at your door.”

Ruby felt very sorry for her. “Could you give me time to talk it over with my dads? If I asked you to come meet me here after school tomorrow, would you be able to?”

“I think so.”

“Thank you. This is just a big responsibility.”

“I understand.” She took a second to look around. “You must be very rich.”

“No, not particularly rich,” Crowley said. “Why would you say that?”

“But you must be,” she insisted. “To have such a nice house and a brand new car-”

“Brand new car?” asked Aziraphale. 

But Crowley understood. “Oh you mean the Bentley? That narrows it down a bit.”

“How do you mean?” asked Ruby.

“She’s dressed like a flapper,” said Crowley. “But that could’ve just been fancy dress. She’s also talking with the accent, but that could just be some role she’s playing. But she recognized the Bentley and thinks it’s brand new. That car was brand new in 1926. She has no concept of time or even her own place in it, but some part of her memory recognized a Bentley.”

“Well that’s something!” the ghost exclaimed. “A good starting place at least!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going on another 2 week hiatus. I've lost half my income and am officially off my meds as of this week because I can't access them during the pandemic. So we're entering fun times here. Hope you're all safe.


	10. I'm Not an Angel

She helped Crowley set the table while Aziraphale finished cooking.

“A lot happened today,” Aziraphale began. “Do you want to talk about it? Maybe we could help, oh, what’s the word Maggie always uses-”

“Process?” offered Crowley.

Aziraphale nodded. “Thank you, dear, yes. Process. We could help with that.”

She smiled appreciatively at the pair of them. “Maybe in a bit. I’m still sorting.” She put her hands on her hips and looked at Aziraphale. “What I actually want to talk about is that lunch you prepared for me today. What was that all about?”

“You didn’t like it?” he asked. He was rather put out, to be honest. He’d been waiting with bated breath all day to know her reaction.

“I _loved_ it!” she replied. “But that’s not the point! You didn’t have to go to all that trouble for a sack lunch, Aziraphale!”

“It was no trouble,” he said, practically glowing now that he knew she’d enjoyed it. “I simply looked up what a typical sack lunch was supposed to be. They said sandwich, chips, pudding, and apple.”

She was definitely amused now that she better understood his rationale. “You took those rules a little loosely, didn’t’cha?” 

“Why?” asked Crowley, who had been setting the table. “What did he pack?”

“I followed the rules!” protested Aziraphale, not quite understanding where exactly he’d deviated. “It was a simple grilled cheese sandwich-”

“On his home-made garlic bread with _three_ cheeses,” she pointed out.

“Yes, exactly,” said Aziraphale. “The article I read said chips, but I know how much you love sweet potatoes so I made them with those instead-”

“Aziraphale,” she laughed. “I’m beginning to think maybe you were reading that on an American site.” She turned to Crowley. “He packed what Americans would call sweet potato fries. You don’t normally have fries in a sack lunch. We have what the English call _crisps_ , but which Americans call _chips_.”

“Ah,” said Aziraphale. “Well did you at least enjoy the dipping sauce?”

She grinned. “It was scrummy. Tell him what else you packed.”

“Well the pudding was just pudding-”

“He made it home-made,” explained Ruby. “Typical packed lunch is in store-bought cups.”

“And I _may_ have known that I was pushing it a bit making a miniature apple pie for you, but I really did want you to enjoy your day. I do hope I haven’t done the wrong thing.”

She softened as she realized that she’d made him doubt himself. “Hey, I was only teasing.” She hugged him. “It was a good lunch. I liked it a lot. If you want to know the truth, I’m not used to someone putting in that much effort for me.”

He squeezed her tightly. “I was happy to do it. You deserve so much better than what you’re used to.”

She pulled back to look at him. “But you don’t have to, is my point. I’d hate to make you feel like you have to do that for me every day. I don’t want to be any trouble.”

“You’re no trouble at all, kitten,” he assured her. He turned away before he could get more emotional. “Now, help Crowley set the table. Dinner’s almost ready.”

Ruby smiled. “I’ve got the best dads,” she said to herself.

Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a look. Aziraphale’s seemed to say: _It’s your turn._ Crowley’s seemed to say: _Alright, Angel, I’ve got this one._

Crowley tried to appear as casual as possible. “Anything else you want to tell us, dear?” He winced as soon as the words came out of his mouth.

Ruby raised her eyebrows. “ _Dear_ ?” she mocked. “Is that where we are now? _Dear_? Bit familiar, isn’t it?”

“I retract it, alright, it was a slip of the tongue,” he said sullenly. “And what’s with the tone, young lady? Aziraphale calls you ‘dear’ all the time and you’ve had no issue with it!”

“Yeah, cuz it’s Aziraphale,” she said as if this should be obvious. “He talks like that. He’s soft. You and me, we know better. Also, I think we know better than to call me ‘young lady’. You’re not the boss of me.”

Crowley realized that he’d allowed her to change the subject. Sneaky, that. Even if it hadn’t been entirely intentional, he recognized the art of conversation steering as one from his own playbook.

“Quite right, of course,” he said, coming to Aziraphale’s side and leaning against the counter. “Didn’t mean any offense.”

“None taken,” she said, with some satisfaction. “Long as we’re all on the same page.”

“I’ll be sure to address you formally from now on as ‘Ruby Fell, Star Maker, Slayer of Angels, Banisher of Gods.’”

She laughed appreciatively. “I am most formidable and ineffable. I didn’t do any of the actual angel slaying though. That was all Aziraphale.” 

“We’re a family of angel slayers,” Aziraphale said.

“Oh really?” Ruby asked. “How many angels has Crowley slain?”

Aziraphale took Crowley’s hand, which had been slyly attempting to sample some of the food. “Just this one.”

Ruby groaned. “You two are terrible.”

They sat down to dinner, which was a delicious stir fry.

“So have you given more thought to what you’d like to do about our spectral friend?” asked Aziraphale, timidly. “Keep in mind that you don’t have to do anything. You’re 16, people shouldn’t be asking so much of you.”

“It’s all I’ve been thinking about,” she admitted. “I mean she’s been alone for who knows how long-”

“At least since the late 1920s,” Crowley interjected. “She knew my car.”

“Right, okay, so she’s been on her own at least since then,” Ruby said. “And it’s clearly made her go a bit dotty.”

“That does happen with self-aware ghosts,” said Crowley.

“I dunno, I just feel bad for her.”

Aziraphale looked at her steadily. “You and Crowley are so much alike.”

Ruby put down her fork and looked back at Aziraphale, amusement tugging at the corners of her lips. “What did I do this time?” she asked.

“You just see a young girl in distress and you can’t help but identify a little bit,” Aziraphale explained. “But I’ll tell you the same thing I told him: Whatever happened to her is not the same as what happened to you.”

“When did you say this?” Ruby asked.

“The morning after we met you,” Aziraphale admitted. “He felt for your situation immediately, even if he didn’t know what it was. He didn’t want to admit it because he’s Crowley, but he did.”

Ruby glanced at Crowley then returned her attention to Aziraphale. “Okay, but this is different. He’s a template for my personality. This is some strange girl. So yeah, I know that it’s not the same thing. But, and here’s the thing, I really _don’t_ know that at the same time. I mean she doesn’t even remember what happened. You think that headache might have something to do with how she died?”

“More than likely,” said Crowley. “Maybe traumatic brain injury from some sort of assault?”

“Didn’t look like her head was caved in or even bruised though,” Ruby pointed out.

“These things don’t always manifest physically if the spirit is still in denial about it,” Crowley explained.

“I might want to help her,” Ruby said. “I mean, I don’t know how I can just leave her like that. It would drive me crazy in her position.”

“Of course it would also drive you crazy if you did nothing,” Aziraphale pointed out. “You’re too curious. You’d always be left wondering who she was.”

“But I don’t see how _I_ can help? I mean, I’m 16. I can’t even control my magic yet. I don’t know anything about anything.”

“You can walk between worlds,” said Aziraphale. “That’s what God said. Maybe we’re supposed to ask God or the angels for help?”

“I absolutely will _not_ do that,” Ruby said. “I can do fine without involving them.”

“And there’s no way you could ever trust a demon to give an honest answer,” said Crowley. “If I still had clearance, I’d get you into Hell’s archives to see if there’s any sort of record...but it’s out of the question. Far too dangerous for any of us to walk down there. I’ll admit that it’s been worrying me that no demons have come poking around here in the past few months. I was expecting to have to use Holy Water and give them stern warnings to leave you alone.”

“Me?” Ruby asked. “Why?”

“Because, as you said, you’re a half-breed,” Crowley said. “They’d be incredibly interested in what that meant for them. They prepared for 6,000 years for an Antichrist, but never prepared for our Nephilim. But we haven’t seen them even once. It’s made me wonder if they’re planning something.”

“So that’s why you gave me the Holy Water,” Ruby said, finally understanding.

“Exactly. I don’t want you to be unprepared if they make a move.”

“It’s possible that they don’t know about her,” said Aziraphale.

“They must know,” Crowley said. “If they haven’t at least heard rumors, they do still have some of the Lordes in Hell. They’d eventually have to piece it together. They’re stupid, but not blind.”

“Okay, as disturbing as this all is,” said Ruby. “We’re trying to figure out what to do about Ghost Girl. You know, I’m actually sorta suspicious about how she ended up outside the bookshop but she doesn’t even know how she got there. I mean, that seem a little odd to anyone?”

“It all seems highly irregular to me,” said Aziraphale. “But if you’re thinking that maybe she’s not being truthful-”

“I didn’t say that. I don’t know what to think. I’m just…This whole thing with me being normal. I never really meant completely normal, you know? I want to have adventures and excitement. Part of me always wanted to be a character in a Buffy sorta show. Special, you know? But I wanted to be able to turn it off and do normal things. I never got to be a normal teenager. I know it’s a contradiction to want to be special and normal at the same time, but…”

“I think it makes sense,” said Crowley. “You never got to have normal teen experiences, so you want them. But growing up around people who tried to make you feel worthless would make you think that the only way to get out would be to have some sort of power or talent. It makes perfect sense to me that you’d be caught between the two.”

“Whoever she is, she’s my age,” said Ruby. “She’ll never have the chance at life that I’m having now. I got to move on. If I don’t help her, she never will.” She picked her fork back up. “I don’t know, I need the night to think about it.”

They ate in silence for a few moments before Crowley decided to push ahead and try to get her to talk about the morning's teleportation.

“So, Ruby Fell, Star Maker, Slayer of Angels, and Banisher of Gods,” he said, with all the casualness he could possibly possess (which, on a good day, wasn’t an awful lot). “Anything else you want to tell us about your day? We’re really dying to know every single detail.”

Ruby felt a pang of guilt as she remembered Selwyn. She’s completely forgotten about her what with everything else that had happened since. She hated being in this position.

She wanted to tell them so badly. It didn’t feel good to keep them in the dark. The words were on the tip of her tongue, begging to be spoken. She wanted their feedback so badly.

“No,” she lied. “Don’t think so.”

…

After dinner, Aziraphale miracled the dishes clean and asked if Ruby needed help with her homework. She assured him that she didn’t: As it was the first day, she only had a bit of reading to do.

Ruby often read in the living room while Crowley watched television, and this night wasn’t different. Aziraphale sat upright on the sofa with a book in front of him while Ruby sat on the same sofa leaning her back against him while she read her textbook. Crowley sat in an armchair with his eyes on the TV.

“Huh,” Ruby said softly.

“What?” Aziraphale asked.

“I’m reading this unit on Ancient Egyptian theatre, and they’ve got this picture of the Egyptian hieroglyphic alphabet.”

Crowley sat up straight. “...And?” There was no way this was happening. It had been thousands of years and nobody had noticed. 

She looked up at him. “Did you know the Egyptian letter ‘J’ is a pictogram of a snake?” She held up the book so he could see.

This was getting too close to call. “Yes. I did.”

A grin crossed her face as a familiar look of amusement entered her eyes. “Crowley. When you say the ‘J’ is just a j...It’s not really...I mean that’s not your version of like...a pun?”

He just stared at her, snake eyes unblinking. “...A pun?”

“Or some sort of silly inside joke with yourself? I mean, I get it, I had plenty of inside jokes just with myself growing up-”

He got up so swiftly that nobody was quite sure they’d seen him move. He tossed her book to the side and hugged her.

“Oh good _lord_ , Crowley!” Aziraphale protested, having been jostled slightly. He adjusted his glasses and peered at his husband disapprovingly.

Ruby laughed. “What’s this about?”

“So many hundreds of years I waited for someone to figure that out!” Crowley exclaimed. “Actually, I waited for _him_ to figure it out!” He pulled away and glared at Aziraphale.

“Me?” Aziraphale protested. “What’s this got to do with me?”

“Everything!” said Crowley. “Everything’s got to do with you! Haven’t you figured that out by now? I changed my name. Again. Added a first name and a middle initial. You asked what the J meant. I said it’s just a J. And it is. It’s a snake! I was trying to be clever and hoping you - the smartest and most well-read person that I know - would figure it out!”

“I just took you at face value!” Aziraphale replied. “How on _Earth_ was I supposed to figure that out?”

“A 16-year-old girl managed to in only a couple months!” said Crowley.

“Which only further proves that she’s modeled after you, my dear. Who else could’ve figured out such a thing except someone whose mind also works completely non-linearly?”

“That’s just his way of being annoyed he didn’t think of it first,” said Ruby.

Crowley hugged her again and this time she put her arms around him as well. “Couldn’t ask for a better daughter,” he said. “It’s nice to be around like-minded people.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Ruby said. “It’s terribly lonely, being on your own with no one to listen to you…”

“Are you alright, Ruby?” asked Aziraphale. “You’ve gone rather quiet.”

“Yeah.” She pulled away from Crowley so she could look at them both. “Yeah. It’s just...I’ve got to help her, don’t I? I’ve got to find some way to do this.”

“But you don’t want to use Heaven,” said Aziraphale.

“And I forbid you to go anywhere near Hell,” said Crowley. 

It was the first time in her life that she hadn’t protested being forbidden to do something. She appreciated his concern. “Then we’ll just have to find a way to do this on Earth. By ourselves. I just want to follow your example.”

“Our example, Ruby?” asked Crowley.

“What example would that be?” asked Aziraphale.

“The one where the story doesn’t end at happily ever after,” she explained. “The one where you keep reaching out and helping people who haven’t gotten their happy ending yet.”

“We did that for one girl, Ruby,” said Crowley. “I’d hardly say that’s an example.”

“Then it’s a precedent,” she said. “Whatever. It’s just that I know what people said about me. How I was always selfish. Maybe I want a chance to be different. More like you guys. I mean, you guys are kind of literally my heroes.”

She was clearly uncomfortable with this display of gratitude and affection, so Aziraphale looked away with a pleased and bashful smile. “I suppose we would be, yes,” he admitted. 

“Hero is such a strong word,” said Crowley.

“It means someone who rescues someone,” Ruby reminded him. “By definition, you did that for me.”

“You’ve never really been the damsel type, though,” said Crowley. “You rescued yourself in the end.”

“With your help. With _both_ your help. So no, I won’t accept help from Heaven or Hell. But I’ll need help from both of you. I think of my best ideas with you.”

“We’ll need ideas,” admitted Aziraphale. “How on _Earth_ are we supposed to find the identity of a 16-year-old American girl who died in the 1920s?”

“I dunno,” Ruby admitted. “But as a history geek myself, I’ve got to admit that I sort of like a challenge.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back from hiatus now! We had a scare last week because a coworker at my last remaining job was diagnosed with coronavirus so we shut everything down. We've been monitoring me for symptoms but I don't have any that can't be explained away with simple anxiety. Work is reopening tomorrow and I'm due back then.
> 
> Basically the only thing keeping me going is validation on my fics. I love everyone who comments, thank you for validating my escapism.


	11. Taller Children

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday David Tennant! Unlike my Doctor Who chapter, you're actually briefly in this one!

Tuesday morning was uneventful by Ruby's standards. She took a class on vocal technique that she found useful, though not particularly exciting. The first interesting thing about her day was entering the lunchroom, making awkward eye contact with Selwyn (who quickly looked away), then deciding that she'd eat outside. Best not to crowd the girl. She found a nice spot outside on the pavement where she wouldn't be disturbed, and that became her usual spot from then on.

She was particularly excited for her Introduction to Shakespeare class that she had scheduled after lunch. She hurried there and too a seat in the second row near the window. Selwyn showed up not long after, looked around for an empty seat, gave Ruby a slightly panicked look as she saw that there was a seat open next to her, then chose instead to take a seat in the very back corner. Ruby couldn’t say why exactly this stung. 

_This is just how life is when you’re a freak,_ she assured herself. _You’ve always known this. Don’t let it bother you now._

The bell rang and a light flashed above the whiteboard. The instructor glanced up at it and turned around. She was a striking woman in her early 30s with wavy black hair that was highlighted with bursts of blonde and green which she wore twisted over one shoulder. Her thick, circular green glasses gave the impressions that she was a large insect and that she was going for that look on purpose. Her makeup was a smattering of different neon colors that all seemed to be accented somewhere in the chaotic fashion choices she was making, and she gave the distinct air of someone who not only wasn’t all the way there but had no interest whatsoever in finding her way to wherever ‘there’ was. Ruby didn’t believe in love at first sight, but she did find herself automatically liking her. She reminded her of Anathema, if Anathema moved a bit further away from the witchy and a bit closer to the hippie.

The instructor spread her arms wide, beckoning them in with an encouraging smile. “Welcome,” she said, her hands forming words at the same speed that her mouth did. “I thank you for coming on this journey with me, because no matter how many years I set sail through this material, I invariably find something new and exciting in its pages as I see it through the eyes of those whose eyes are less weary.” She smiled and looked around at each of them. “Yes, I see you’re all noticing my accent by now. You probably wonder if it’ll be rude to ask about it, but never fear - I cannot hear you. Now you’re wondering if you’re allowed to laugh at my attempt at humor, and that is more nebulous of an inquiry. After all, I’m not that funny, and I cannot know what your intentions are. But you may laugh, it’s encouraged. Pause for laugh.” She smiled graciously as she accepted the soft wave of laughter that washed over the room. “Lovely. Now, a little about me. My name is Sibela Zima, and I really don’t care what you call me because I can’t hear it anyway. Another little joke. You’ll find that I make a lot of these, just to prevent you from making them first. I would prefer to be called ‘Miss Zima’. Now to address the elephant in the room. Yes. I am deaf. I have been since birth. This doesn’t make me any less qualified to teach you this subject - nor does the fact that both of my parents are Romani. What makes me qualified to teach Shakespeare is that I’m gay. Pause for laugh.” The class laughed a bit louder this time. “Oh come on, we’ve all read Sonnet 18. Or if you haven’t, we will. But I do like to get that fact out of the way early on. Even in a post-section 28 world, people still find themselves trying to use that as leverage against people in this profession. So if I don’t attempt to hide it, nobody can use it against me. But I was making a point, wasn’t I? Ah yes, I’m deaf. You’ve all noticed by now that your desks aren’t exactly normal standard issue. I’ve had them deactivated up until this point, but after I explain what they’re for, I’ll activate them from my computer. When I was attempting to enter this profession, people were, shall we say, concerned. How can a teacher be expected to maintain order if she cannot hear the students when her back is turned? I came up with a rather elegant solution, if I do say so myself. Part of it is trusting you to give me respect when my back is turned, the other part is those buttons I’ve installed in your desks.” 

She turned and gestured to the light above the whiteboard. “You may have noticed that this lit up green when the bell rang. That’s my cue that class can begin and will also clue me in when the class is over. But when you press those buttons on your desk, this will light up red. That will indicate that you have a question.” She turned back to them. “If I feel inclined to answer, I’ll turn back to you and find the screen at the front of the desk that is also lit up red, indicating that you pressed your button. I will then call on you. Don’t worry, I’m excellent at reading lips. I do have a definite preference for using sign - you’ll notice that I haven’t stopped signing throughout this introduction in spite of the fact that I’m using my voice - but I should have no trouble understanding you. I’ve worked very hard for years to get good at reading lips - that’s what got me interested in theatre in the first place. I do recognize that it may be difficult to resist temptation to push the button without cause, but I do ask you to respect this classroom. I do know that it may be particularly difficult for students who are more prone to fidgeting or have attention-based disabilities, and that’s why I’ll also encourage the use of stim-toys in my classroom in order to divert the excess energy and increase focus during seated portions of this class. As far as other disability accommodations, do feel free to see me at your leisure and we can work something out confidentially. I’m not the sort of instructor who prides themselves on setting impossible expectations and I certainly don’t mean to drive any of you into the ground. I want to see you each succeed in your goals, and to that end I’ll work with you any way I can. I encourage you all to take notes, but I do upload each day’s lesson as well as coursework to my personal website after each class, so there is no reason to fall behind. Now, I open the floor for questions." She walked behind her desk and pressed a button on her computer to activate the desks before straightening up and looking at the class expectantly. "Who has some?” There was a short pause. “Oh come on, now, surely someone wants to know something! You’re teenagers! You’re positively bursting with curiosity! I know England tries to breed that out of you, but dig deep!” A boy in the back row pressed his button. “Yes, good, a question! Please introduce yourself to the class.”

He stood up. “Tom Danvers. I was just wondering if we’ll only reading the plays or if we’ll be doing scene work?”

Miss Zima smiled. “A very good question, Tom! We’ll dabble in a bit of all things. There will be memorization challenges, book readings, deconstructions and reconstructions...We’ll do a great many interesting - and, hopefully, controversial - things with this source material.”

A girl near the door pressed her button. “Katie Hastings. Will there be an audition process for the readings?”

“We will see about that when the time comes, Katie.”

Ruby pressed her button, surprising herself for even having the question. “Why Shakespeare? Out of everything you could’ve chosen to teach, why did you choose Shakespeare particularly?”

Miss Zima’s face lit up. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone ask me that! I believe this might be my favorite question of the day! Well let me ask you, why did you choose to take this class, Miss…?”

“Fell,” Ruby said. “Ruby Fell. And I guess I always connected with Shakespeare. He had a particular way of putting things that spoke to me. There’s a balance, you know? Some things don’t use enough words to say what they mean, but some things - not naming names, but I know a particular book about a whale - where they use too many words and it all starts to run together and get a bit tedious and pretentious. Shakespeare was right there in the middle. And it might be the choice of words and knowing when to be brief that did it, but I also think his characters were relatable…” She realized she was rambling. “But that’s just me.”

Miss Zima was more than satisfied with this answer. “I felt the same way when I read these plays at your age. But to answer why I wanted to teach them...Many students go through their entire lives not liking Shakespeare. They think it’s boring or incomprehensible. And that’s just because Shakespeare is presented to them incorrectly. I’ve heard too many young people who thought these were boring old plays for boring old rich snobs. And that couldn’t be further from the truth! These plays were written for the people and are so much more than they first appear. So many instructors forget the simple humanity of Shakespeare’s worlds. They prescribe their own strict view of the text and expect execution only to their own standard. I’ve always felt that any attempt to keep Shakespeare ‘pure’ drains all the life from the text. The point where we start resisting new interpretation is the point at which these stop being stories and start being empty words. So I do this because I enjoy seeing these new views and interpretations of age-old stories. But I suppose I also do this because so many people think Shakespeare has nothing to say to them now. But Shakespeare’s stories are timeless. Shakespeare understood the fundamental nature of humanity, and that nature has remained unchanged since even before his time - it was the same when the Greeks were writing their tragedies! There is something so wonderful about realizing that at the end of the day, we never really stop being fundamentally human.”

Ruby pressed her button again. “But isn’t that the tragedy of it? Humans always remain exactly the same, so they never learn or change or grow? They always make the same mistakes over and over?”

Miss Zima smiled. “Yes. I suppose it is. But I’ve always found it comforting knowing that whatever mistakes I’ve made, others have made them as well. Maybe even made worse ones. So maybe we’re not all that bad, really.”

…

The bell rang and Selwyn was out of the door before Ruby had a chance to gather her things. Ruby sighed and glanced at her schedule and felt her spirits lift. Her last class of the day was sure to be as good as this one had been. She looked at the map and it took her a moment to locate it, because the map said the room was in the dance building. She made her way there at once.

Ruby hadn’t signed up for any dance classes this semester, so she hoped she was in the right place. The room was circular and paneled with windows, so it couldn’t look more like a dance studio if it tried.

Ruby didn’t immediately recognize Freya because she’d switched wigs again. She was now wearing a wavy lavender wig that was held back with a flower crown. She was wearing a loose black shirt and leggings.

“Ruby,” Freya said, throwing a green mat to the floor. “Put down your things in the cubbies and help us position these mats?”

She looked around to see who ‘us’ was, then found herself making awkward eye contact with Selwyn who had been moving another mat.

“Oh,” Selwyn said. “Didn’t realize you were in this class.”

Ruby fidgeted. “Yeah. Thought a stage movement class might help me. I’ve never seen a stage move before, so I thought I might need to be prepared when it does.” Selwyn just looked back at her blankly with just the faintest twinge of alarm. “That was a joke. I know stages don’t move.”

“I thought it was funny,” said Freya. “And stages can move, technically. I once did a talent contest on the back of a truck. Now you two were helping me move these mats, weren’t you? Because the rest of the class will be here any minute and I don’t think we have time to stand around waiting for me to make introductions when you both clearly and obviously know each other.”

“Right, I’m on it,” Ruby said, putting her things away and grabbing a mat from the pile. It was heavier than she thought it would be. “Where do you want this?”

“Just line them up near each other on the floor. We need the extra padding.”

“So what kind of class is this, anyway?” she joked. “Gym or yoga? Just warning you that I can’t stand either.”

Freya smiled. “We just need to quickly convert this from a regular dance studio. We won’t be going full-contact today, but we might as well get used to the room.”

Selwyn seemed alarmed again. “What’d’ya mean, full-contact?”

Freya straightened up as they finished positioning the mats and the other students began entering. “Never mind that. But when I say you’re in for a treat…” She picked up a towel from a nearby ballet rack and dabbed at the sweat on her neck. “You two had better get changed and take seats on the mat. We won’t be sitting for long, so enjoy it while it lasts.”

"Get changed?" Ruby asked.

"Into your warm-up clothes," Freya said.

"Oh," Ruby replied, suddenly embarrassed. "I didn't bring a change. Didn't know we were supposed to."

Freya had forgotten that there were people who wouldn't realize that you should change into something less restricting. "That's alright. Just bring something loose-fitting tomorrow. We're not doing anything big today."

Ruby took a seat on a mat, and Selwyn conspicuously took a seat nearer to the door. Ruby caught Freya looking between the two of them with interest before reaching for a bottle of water and taking a sip in a motion that could only be described as signaling: _None of my business._

Max and Nick entered the room last, just as the bell rang. They looked around for a place to sit and ended up on a mat behind Selwyn’s. Freya stepped up to the front of the class, water bottle still in hand.

“Afternoon, class,” she said. “And I do mean afternoon class, because it’s in my contract to only teach in the afternoons. Not really a morning person.” Ruby and a few of her classmates chuckled appreciatively. “I’m not gonna waste your time with a lot of introductions. You all most likely know who I am, otherwise you wouldn’t’ve signed up. A stage movement class in a school where you have to have required credits before entry? A lot of you would consider that beneath you. You’re here because the teacher worked on West End. Still, my other class today was bigger. I expect because it was a proper dance class. I always recommend that even if you never do a single musical, you at least take some form of dance or movement class. It really helps with characterization in a way that I can’t stress enough. But again, you’re mostly likely not here for the practicality. You’re here for me. So let me just say at the outset that you’re the chosen few. All other classes in this school will be accepting transfers and enrollment within the next few days as people decide what courses to keep. This is the only class that will not. Because I admire those of you who chose to take it, and because I’m about to announce that by the end of the semester we will have blocked and choreographed fight scenes and learned basic stage combat. Yes, that does mean swords.” She smiled as the surprised ripple made its way across the room. “I thought you might be excited for that. It won’t be today or tomorrow. We must first get used to body movement before we can start all that. But I am professionally trained in several types of stage combat that can work on a mixture of hand-to-hand and weaponry. You’re not expected to learn how to fence or practice kendo on my level by the end of this class - real fighting is usually a lot more awkward than stage fighting. This is mostly glorified dance. You won’t be in any danger of actually hurting yourself if you follow my instructions and warm up. And speaking of warming up. Everybody up!” She gestured to the class to get to their feet and they did so immediately. “Don’t worry, this won’t be an actual dance warm-up. We’re just going to do some basic exercises while we get to know each other. I’m sure you’re all familiar with improv?”

Nick’s hand shot in the air. “Improvisational theatre is an unscripted form of comedy.”

“Are you our group’s Hermione?” asked Freya. “There’s always one in each group, but I had thought it would be someone else. But that’s good. Yes, that’s what it is. Personally, I’m a fan of using improv games as warm up exercises. We’ll start with a simple one today to get you loosened up…I’ll assign you all characters for this first one and it’s important that you stay in character through the exercise.”

Ruby ended up really liking the improv game, so was sad when it came to an end. 

“Alright, now,” said Freya. “We’re going to start with some rib stretches and some basic breathing exercises. Don’t worry-” She shot this comment at Ruby. “It’s not yoga. You may know this as the Alexander technique. We’ll come back to parts of it often, as it’s very effective in helping you to release your usual posture.”

She watched Ruby particularly as she took them through this exercise. 

_Bit of an awkward little chicken, isn’t she?_ Freya observed, with a certain appreciation. Ruby obviously found it difficult to really get into this exercise. She couldn’t seem to relax her limbs or breathe deep enough. Freya caught Ruby more than once sneaking a peak at other students out of the corner of her eye before adjusting herself accordingly if she felt she’d been doing it wrong. Her stance, in particular, was very closed. One might say she looked ready to go into a defensive posture at any moment.

Freya’s first instinct when she’d been offered this job had been to not take her class back through the basics, but when she saw Ruby on her class list she’d reevaluated. She couldn’t know for sure what this girl’s deal was, but she knew she had exactly no experience on a stage. It would put her at an unfair disadvantage compared to the other kids if she had no basic training and was just tossed into the pool head first.

The first class was an overview, working on basic movement exercises while Freya made sure everyone knew the basic stage directions and familiarized themselves with basic principles. At five minutes til the end of class, she took them back through a cool-down exercise that took them to the final bell that told them that class was dismissed for the day.

Ruby found the water bottle that Aziraphale had packed for her and took a big swig. That class had been illuminating. She needed a lot more training, that much was evident.

Freya was immediately mobbed by students begging for her attention, so Ruby was able to slip out unnoticed. Freya had been hoping to get a moment to talk with her, so this was disappointing.

…

Ruby found with some surprise that she wasn’t having nearly as much trouble fitting into her new school as she’d thought she would. She was used to being bullied and pushed around, but most of the students there seemed too preoccupied with their own studies and schedules to take much notice of her. There was one particular exception, of course.

“Hey, you…” Quinn said, sidling up to her with a sycophantic smile. 

She had obviously forgotten Ruby’s name already, so she provided it. “Ruby.”

“Ruby, right, yeah, I knew that,” Quinn said. “Listen, the fall audition cycle begins next week and all the postings are going to be by Friday this week, and I noticed you weren’t on any of our online social groups so I wanted to make sure you’re coming to the mixer on Friday.”

“The...mixer?” Ruby asked.

“It’s tradition,” said Quinn. “I’m hosting this year, of course. Unfortunately we can’t be selective about the guest list, but it’s a good networking opportunity. Get your foot in the door, really talk about projects.”

That’s when it clicked. “Oh you mean like...a party?”

“Yeah, obviously,” Quinn laughed. “What else would I be talking about? Listen, everyone’s gonna be there, and it would be a good opportunity to show that you’re a team player and not some loner weirdo who showed up out of nowhere. You need to really showcase who you are, since nobody’s ever heard of you before.”

“That’s...a point, I guess,” Ruby said, unsure if it was a good point or a bad one.

“Great, here’s the invite,” Quinn said, handing her a piece of paper. “Can’t believe you made me print an extra one of these. I only printed enough for the message boards, everyone else got theirs digitally. Pitch up somewhere around 7, yeah?”  
...

When she arrived home that afternoon, the ghost was waiting for her. Ruby ushered her inside and they all took the same seats they had the day before.

“I’ve decided that I’ll help you,” Ruby said. “Not out of the goodness of my heart, you understand? Probably don’t even have one of those anymore. I still don’t know how we’re going to do this, but you’ll have to be patient with me. I’m taking a lot of classes at the moment, and I’m not letting you get in the way of them. I’ll have deadlines there; and since neither one of us are gonna die any time soon, I’m gonna have to ask that the dead wait in line for my attention, alright?”

“Understood,” said the ghost.

“Will you be staying for dinner?” Aziraphale asked.

The ghost just stared at him. “We went over this. I don’t eat.”

“Hm,” Aziraphale said. “I forgot that was a requirement for attending dinner. Human customs are so strange.”

Crowley turned away to hide a smirk.

“Let’s go to the kitchen,” said Ruby. “I can park my laptop in there for now, we can at least try to look up some census records.”

“How?” asked the ghost.

Ruby realized that this ghost must have no grasp at all on modern technology. “I can probably get the information on my laptop. It’s a...sort of computer?”

The ghost looked at her blankly. “Like for doing sums and things?”

Ruby looked up at Aziraphale for help and got only a shrug. “In her day,” he explained. “Computer was a word that only pertained to mathematics. Nothing like the modern meaning existed.”

“Oh,” Ruby said, letting this sink in. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to show you, then. Wait in the kitchen, I’ll be right back.”

Crowley and Aziraphale accompanied the spirit to the adjoining room.

“Feel free to have a seat, my dear,” said Aziraphale, pulling a chair out for her.

She settled down in it and looked around. “You sure you’re not rich?”

“Why do you ask?” Aziraphale replied.

“I mean, that’s a brand-new pop-up toaster with a timer and everything!” she said, gesturing to the device in question. “And that refrigerator must’ve set you back hundreds! And I don’t even know what half of this other stuff is! At least I can recognize a gas oven!”

“Well, actually, it’s electric,” said Aziraphale apologetically. 

“Electric,” she replied, shaking her head. “And what’s that box over there?”

“That?” said Crowley. “That’s a microwave.”

“What’s a microwave?”

“It’s a sorta…” He glanced at Aziraphale for a way to explain this. “Like a...small oven? Cooks things faster. Aziraphale only lets me use it for leftovers.”

“Cooks things faster, but you still use an oven?” asked the ghost.

“Just because you can do a task faster doesn’t mean it’s better,” explained Aziraphale. “Usually it’s the process itself that gives it its flavor.”

Ruby rushed in the room with her laptop. “Alright, I’m back.” She sat down next to the ghost and got to work logging in.

“That’s a computer?” asked the ghost as she peered over Ruby’s shoulder.

“It’s more than just a big calculator,” said Ruby. “It can do basically anything we want it to.”

“Fly?”

“Not that,” Ruby admitted. “Though I guess you could hack a drone or an autopilot or something.”

“You can? I mean I don't know what those things are, but it sure sounds exciting and complicated."

“Well, I can’t, but the concept exists. I’m sure someone could. I mostly use it for fun.”

“Fun?”

“Yeah, you know. Watch videos, play games...fun?” It occurred to her that she was talking to someone with absolutely no meme literacy whatsoever. “Oh my god, you’ve never seen a vine.”

“Ruby,” Aziraphale cautioned. “Be very careful. Even when you show Crowley and I these so-called ‘memes’, you end up spending half the time explaining the layers of meta references and layered cultural jokes that they contain. It would be worse with an amnesiac ghost from the 1920s who has just learned what a microwave is…”

Ruby looked up at him. “But what do I do though? Just let her go through life not knowing that Shaggy is God?”

“First of all, not life,” Crowley said. “As she keeps reminding us, she’s dead. Second of all...Scooby Doo didn’t exist where she’s from.”

“Oh...my god.” Ruby sat back in her chair, stunned into silence. “That’s a challenge, I mean a real challenge. I mean, what surviving cultural references are there from the 1920s?”

“Steamboat Willie?” offered Aziraphale.

“Who?” asked the ghost.

“Never mind then,” said Aziraphale. “Maybe a touch earlier than I thought.”

“Not by much, probably,” said Crowley. He took a seat at the table and talked to the ghost. “You ever watch a Saturday morning cartoon?”

“A what?” asked the ghost. “I mean, I like cartoons. Used to go to the pictures and they’d have these great runs of Felix the Cat…Oh it’s no good, I realized I was talking again. The minute I remember some detail and remember that I’m remembering, it’s all gone again!”

“It’s alright,” said Crowley. “That does help a little. Felix the Cat...Do you remember if he talked?”

“Talked?” the ghost sulked. “What d’ya mean talked?”

“Was there any sound?” Crowley pressed.

“What, like voices? Are you out of your mind?”

Crowley nodded, satisfied. “So we’re not quite up to talkies yet. That’s good.” He turned to Ruby. “I guess you would say that talkies killed Felix the Cat.”

“And about when did talkies happen?” asked Ruby.

Crowley tried to remember. “Oh, must’ve been late 20s, wasn’t it?”

“Oh come on, Crowley,” said Aziraphale. “Don’t pretend you don’t remember. It was 1927.”

It dawned on him. “Oh….Yeah, that’s right.”

“The Jazz Singer,” Aziraphale nodded.

“Wasn’t wild about that one, to be honest.”

His eyebrows shot right up. “You weren’t? I was under the impression that you enjoyed it.”

He shrugged. “The idea of it was good enough, but I didn’t like the ending. Didn’t really care for the blackface either.”

“An excellent point, I’m glad you brought it up,” said Aziraphale. “And to be honest, while it was a technological marvel, I wasn’t the biggest fan of it either.”

“Then why did we watch it?” asked Crowley.

“I imagine I watched it for the same reason you did,” said Aziraphale.

“Because you were with me?”

“Because you were with me.”

“What’s the Jazz Singer?” asked Ruby.

“It was a musical,” said Aziraphale. “The story of a young Jewish fellow who wanted to be a Jazz singer and ran away from home.”

“I’m liking it so far,” said the ghost.

“Me too,” said Ruby. “So what was the problem?”

“Well, Crowley already pointed out the blackface,” said Aziraphale.

“And I just didn’t like the movie in general,” shrugged Crowley. “You know what a real proper ending should be? Not letting yourself be guilted by your parents into doing something you don’t want to do when they never supported your passion in the first place.”

“Gotta say, the man’s got a point,” said Ruby.

“You always think he’s got a point,” said Aziraphale. “The day you two disagree on anything other than music will be the day the world ends.”

“No, Angel,” said Crowley. “Because we went through that already, and I bet if we’d had Ruby with us for that everything would’ve been solved quicker.”

“Because I’m the smart one or because I agree with you?” asked Ruby.

“The fact that you agree with me makes you the smart one,” said Crowley.

“Last time I saw Adam, he said that the three of us share one brain cell,” said Ruby. “And, yeah, that might be true. Thing is that I never let either of you use it. You’d just lose it and then where would we be?”

“What makes you think we’d lose it?” asked Aziraphale indignantly. “We happen to be incredibly responsible-”

“You lost the antichrist!” Ruby laughed. “For eleven years! Thank you, but I’m holding on to this brain cell for safe keeping.”

Crowley leaned close to Aziraphale to audibly mutter. “She has a point.” Ruby cast her eyes to the sky and tried to hide an amused smile.

“Wait, hold on,” said the ghost. “What’d’ya mean you lost the antichrist?”

Ruby’s eyebrows shot up as she exchanged a look with Crowley. “She doesn’t know.”

“I don’t see why any of us expected her to,” Crowley acknowledged.

“That sounds like a good story,” the ghost pressed. “I haven’t heard a good story in forever! Please tell me! Everything’s been so damn boring, I’m tellin’ ya!”

“You know, I don’t even think you guys have told me the full story,” said Ruby. “I just get bits and pieces.” She looked hopefully at Aziraphale. “I’ll put on some music, then story time?”

Aziraphale thought about it. “Alright, I suppose you’re old enough to know the full story,” he said. “I know how much you love a good story, so I hope it lives up to expectations-”

“Aziraphale,” Ruby said in an exaggeratedly hushed tone while glancing pointedly at the ghost. “It’s insensitive to say lives in front of the formerly living…”

Aziraphale was used to Ruby’s particular brand of teasing and answered with a very prim yet deadpan appeal. “Oh yes, of course, how silly of me,” he said, clasping his hands. “I am, of course, most sorry to have caused any harm to the undead American in the room.”

“Yeah, yeah, remind me to pop you one right in the kisser later,” the ghost said, waving this off. “I want to know what happened. I mean, look at me, you got a ghost over here just dying to hear one good story!” She raised her eyebrows at Ruby. “See, I can do the death jokes too.”

Crowley regarded the ghost with some appreciation. “She’ll do well here,” he said. “Anyone who can hold their own against Ruby is a force to be reckoned with.”

“So how did it start?” asked Ruby. “Take us back to the beginning!”

“The beginning?” asked Aziraphale.

“Yeah, like where did this all start!” Ruby said. “I need details.”

He glanced helplessly at Crowley. “Oh, but that’s not...not really an interesting story...is it?”

Crowley just looked at him steadily before sighing and gesturing for him to get it over with. “Oh all right, then. Just this once.” He turned back to Ruby. “I was sort of a snake, you know, and he was, well...Oh you tell it better than I do,” he said to Aziraphale. “You have all those extra nonsense words and I know you’re just dying to use them all.”

Aziraphale lit up. “Really? I can tell it?”

“Yes, Angel, but before I change my mind, if you don’t, well, mind…”

A wide excitable grin crossed Aziraphale’s face as he turned to the eager teenagers. 

“Alright,” Ruby encouraged. “So hit us with the meet cute. Don’t start with once upon a time. Try ‘in the beginning’. Feels much more fitting.”

“Yes, alright,” Aziraphale nodded. “In the beginning...there was a garden. He was a wily old serpent and I was technically on apple tree duty…”

No work was done that day.

…

The ghost left just before dinner.

“She really needs a crash course in memes,” Ruby said as she helped set the table. “I can help with that.”

“Yes, you’re very helpful,” said Crowley, exchanging an exasperated look with Aziraphale.

Ruby wasn’t at all oblivious to this. She stopped what she was doing and put a hand on her hips. “Alright, what gives? What’s with the parental telepathy?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Crowley said. “You are very helpful...with the memes and overexplaining cultural references...but isn’t there something else you were supposed to be helping with?”

Ruby had completely forgotten, but covered it well. “Oh that? I have an eternity for that. No sense pushing the poor girl into it when she’s not ready. She’s much more at ease now, we can probably start tomorrow.”

“Uh-huh,” Crowley replied.

“So how was your day?” asked Aziraphale her. “Apart from your new afterlife occupation, I mean. Or should I say preoccupation?”

Ruby smiled. “Occupation makes it sound like I’m getting paid. Really, I’m just volunteering. No, that’s not right either, because I was recruited…”

“So, about your day…?” Aziraphale prompted.

“I already told you about all my classes,” she said. “What more do you want to know?”

“Everything,” he insisted. “Having any luck making friends yet?”

Ruby hesitated. “Not quite yet. Oh, but the weirdest thing happened today.”

“Oh?” asked Crowley.

“Yeah. I sort of think I got invited to a party.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful!” said Aziraphale. “See, I knew you would make friends in no time!”

“Well it’s not like a friends party,” she explained. “It's a social mixer. A networking thing apparently. I mean I’m only invited because everyone is. I’m not the sort of person who gets invited to parties except as a joke.”

Aziraphale and Crowley could feel her anxiety and low self esteem. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” said Crowley. “You know that.”

“I’m just not very...social,” she said. “I don’t know how to...socialize. I’m not what anyone would call the life of the party. I mean what’s my ice breaker? ‘Hey look at this magic trick that I can only sorta do oh wait now we’re all on fire’?”

“I think it would be a wonderful opportunity,” said Aziraphale. “Of course you don’t have to go if you don’t want to, but why don’t you talk about this with Maggie? I’m sure she’s got some thoughts.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't intentionally go into writing Miss Zima thinking that she'd be so many minority groups at once, but the more I wrote her I was like 'oh yeah she's gonna be so many things'. I'm obsessed with the way she talks because it's so particular to her and I might have a slight crush on my own character. But anyway. Yeah, call me out for forced diversity but as an autistic lesbian with ptsd and a myriad of disabilities I was like...yeah people just exist, intersectionality exists within people, let's just do this. And it occurred to me that she's probably very defensive about that intersectionality because people discount her because of that (I'm just as defensive for the same reasons), so instead of making her announce it matter-of-factly the way I do, I made her be defensive through humor. That's why I'm obsessed with her. Thank you and goodnight.


	12. Little Bull

Maggie had thought it best to do weekly check-ins with Ruby after school on Wednesdays. Mid-week meant avoiding the Monday blues while also giving her time for weekend fun. Ruby had pointed out that she didn’t really do ‘fun’. Maggie had then reminded her that most of her plays would probably be on weekends. Ruby couldn’t find a counterpoint to that, so Wednesday it was.

“So,” Maggie said. “How’s your week so far? Freya’s told me you’re in her Tuesday-Thursday group.”

“She’s great,” said Ruby. “Really lots of fun.”

“Any subject giving you stress?”

“Not really,” she shrugged. “I used to do a lot worse with school, but I’m finding my courses much easier.”

“Why do you think that is?”

“I dunno. I just like em.”

“I expect that’s true. Having passion for a subject and also having passionate teachers can make a difference. How are you getting along with the other students?”

Ruby cast her mind to the few she’d met so far and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “Fine. Keep to myself mostly.”

“But no issues?”

“No. People pretty much leave me alone.”

“Did you have problems with people not leaving you alone at your old school?”

Ruby let her eyes wander, focusing on any inanimate object instead of looking at Maggie. “I guess.”

“Do you think removing the stress of difficult personal relationships with peers might contribute to having more focus? If I might guess, maybe your focus also comes from having a stable home life?”

Ruby’s eyes snapped back to Maggie. “You do a lot of reading between the lines, don’t you?”

Maggie smiled. “You don’t give me much to work with. But I like a challenge.” She tilted her head and smiled at her warmly. “You’re a little stiff today. You usually are, but is there anything you’d like to talk about?”

Ruby hesitated, wondering how much she should tell the human.

Maggie caught onto this. “If it helps, Aziraphale and Crowley told me about angels and demons. So I know what you are. Or, at least, have a vague understanding.”

“What did they tell you?”

“Nothing about you,” she assured her. “But I’ve been thinking and some things make a bit of sense. You died, and now you’re part angel and part demon. Reading between the lines says there’s a Miracle involved in there somewhere.”

“They saved me,” she said. “I mean, it was my idea, but they did the heavy lifting. I’m theirs. That’s why I don’t think it does me any good to remind me where I came from. My genetics are completely different now.”

“But your mind and soul are still the same. They need some relief. If you feel the need to unburden them, I’m here to listen.”

“And then report back to Freya?” asked Ruby. “I know you’ve both wondered what exactly Aziraphale and Crowley are.”

“If you must know, I haven’t told her,” said Maggie. “They told me in confidence. I’m a professional. I never reveal a secret unless it’s detrimental to someone’s health and safety.”

Ruby thought about this for a moment. “I’m helping a ghost.”

“...Is that a metaphor?” Maggie had a feeling it wasn’t. She was getting used to the fact that none of the strange things they said were anything less than completely literal.

Ruby shook her head. “This has been going on for a while. She’d turn up to ask for help and I’d put it off because I wanted to be normal, you know, but she found me at school on Monday.”

“What’s she like?”

“I don’t know her well. She’s American. We’re pretty sure she’s from the 1920s, but she has some kind of ghost amnesia so we can’t be a hundred percent certain.”

“And you agreed to help her.”

Ruby looked down at her shoes. “I guess? I felt bad for her. She just wants to move on.” She snapped her eyes back to Maggie. “But if you think it’s a bad idea, I can call it off. I just want to do normal things. I don’t need this responsibility.”

“On the contrary, I think it might be helpful for you,” said Maggie. “Obviously if it’s too stressful, you can stop at any time. But I’ve found that a lot of survivors find it healing to volunteer their time to helping people in need. She may be dead, but she’s still a person in need. Who knows, you two may have more in common than meets the eye. Just make sure you have boundaries. I don’t think it’s a good idea having her just turn up at your school unannounced. People might see.”

“Good point,” she admitted. “There are always people around…”

“Reasonably, that should be the thing that’s stressing you out the most,” said Maggie. “But I think there’s something else. Would you like to talk about it?”

She shrugged, avoiding her gaze. “Isortofgotinvitedtoaparty.”

Maggie raised her eyebrows. “What?” she chuckled.

Ruby sighed. “I sort of...got invited to a party.”

Maggie’s face split into a wide grin. “Ruby, that’s fantastic! Making friends already!”

“It’s not like that,” Ruby said dismissively. “I still don’t really know anyone. It’s like when you’re in elementary school and you get invited to a party because they have to invite the whole class. Except it’s supposed to be a _networking_ thing.”

“Ah,” Maggie said. “Yeah, I know what you’re talking about now. Freya says there’s some sort of beginning of the year mixer? You’re supposed to go around and try to mingle with people you might want to work with this year.”

“Yeah, it’s that,” said Ruby. “I just, like, I dunno. I don’t do parties.”

“Have you ever been to one?”

Ruby’s train of thought began traveling back to places she didn’t want to go, so she quickly derailed it. “Depends on your definition. I just don’t know what to _do_ with myself, you know? I don’t _mingle,_ you know? I’m more comfortable with the idea of coming home Friday night and watching game shows with my dads. What would I even do at a party?”

“Try to make friends, maybe?”

Ruby laughed derisively. “How do you do that?”

“Make small talk?”

“Does that involve having to talk to people out loud?”

Maggie chuckled. “Therapists usually frown on mind reading, so yeah.”

“Oh I don’t know about that. What would I say?”

“‘Hi’ is a good start.”

“Then I stare awkwardly, right? And they walk slowly away after realizing I’m the dominant alpha bitch in that situation?”

“No, then you talk about something easy that people can easily relate to.”

“Oh that’ll be so easy,” Ruby said sarcastically. “I’ll just be like ‘hi, I’m Ruby. I died earlier this year and was reborn as a slightly heretical hybrid. Also I can talk to ghosts. Do you like ghosts?”

“I can see your point,” said Maggie, her smile betraying her amusement. “But if it helps, a lot of people who’ve experienced trauma feel the way you do.”

“Oh really? How do you think I feel?”

“Well of course I can’t know for sure, but have you ever felt like you don’t fit in because you’ve never had any of the milestones that every other kid seemed to have? Or you don’t fit in because all the experiences you've had are too unrelatable or depressing to people who’ve led ‘normal’ lives? Have you ever felt like you’re stuck between being at a younger stage before the trauma happened while at the same time feeling much older than all of your peers?”

“Fuck, where’s the ‘all of the above’ option in all this?” Ruby grumbled.

“I know it’s hard, Ruby, but you’re not alone in this. You don’t have to go to the party if you’re genuinely not ready for it. But don’t hold yourself back just because you’re afraid of experiencing new things. Sometimes going outside your comfort zone can be really rewarding because it can teach you that the world isn’t nearly as scary as it seems. You know Freya also hates parties?”

Ruby raised her eyebrows. “I thought you said you don’t tell secrets?”

“I don’t,” smiled Maggie. “But Freya’s my girlfriend, not my client, and it’s not a secret. Freya’s a well-known wallflower. Gets very anxious in large gatherings, rarely stays longer than half an hour. So it’s definitely not just you. But I know how much people like you feel comforted by having a script, so if it helps I can run you through a few prompts for small talk?”

Ruby considered this. “Alright, but I’m absolutely not asking about the weather.”

…

Ruby excused herself to tend to her mushrooms, leaving Maggie alone with Aziraphale and Crowley.

“So,” Maggie said. “A party? Ruby’s first. How are we feeling about that?”

“We?” asked Crowley. “Not sure this is much of a _we_ thing. Not as if we can go with her.” He half-glanced at his husband. “Can we?”

“Not certain that’s the socially acceptable thing to do, my love,” Aziraphale replied.

“I know she’s nervous,” Maggie said. “I won’t say much because it’s in confidence, but I wondered if you shared the same worries.”

“Worries?” asked Aziraphale. “Should we be worried?”

“Not certain this is a ‘should’ type of situation, Aziraphale,” Maggie smiled kindly. “I’m not advising you on _how_ to feel, I only wondered if you _were_ feeling anything. If so, I might be able to help with that.”

“I hadn’t given the matter much thought, honestly,” said Aziraphale. “I was only relieved that she’s being included so soon. You know, other children weren’t very kind to her before, so I worried that perhaps she’d have more problems integrating. But she seems to be doing well.”

“I’ve given it some thought,” said Crowley. “But she can fight, and I’ve given her weapons just in case of a surprise ambush.”

"Ambush?" Maggie thought. "That's the least of your worries."

"Meaning what?" asked Crowley.

"She's a teenager," Maggie replied. "She could do teenager things. She won't because she's Ruby, but it's very funny to me that your mind jumps straight to ambush. Sad, but funny."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's no secret that Ruby is me working through my trauma, but I thought it might be a good idea to post today that it's the 7 year anniversary of the day I changed my name. Yeah, that's right, it's my Rebirthday/Regeneration Day. It's just a big deal for me. I always felt like I had nothing to do with my actual birthday - I mean, it's not like I chose to be born, right? But I went through all of the legal hassle for years getting my name completely changed so I can feel like myself and shed all ties with my abusive past. I want to acknowledge that, because it's a recurring theme you see in this series as well as my Doctor Who one. The idea that we can change ourselves, but on the inside we're still the same. We don't become a new person just because we wish we could. But it's still a big deal that we try.


	13. Dancing with Myself

Friday arrived, and Ruby had a few hours to decide what she wanted to do. She arrived home to find the ghost in her usual spot by the fireplace.

“Fuck, I forgot that I told you to come back today,” Ruby said, putting her bag on the floor.

“Is that a problem?” asked the ghost. 

“It’s just that I sort of got invited to a party,” Ruby said. “But I can totally cancel. This is more important.”

“Oh no you don’t,” said Crowley.

“You’re not getting out of it that easily,” said Aziraphale.

“This isn’t your fault,” Crowley said to the ghost.

“She double-booked on purpose,” Aziraphale agreed.

“She wants an excuse to stay at home,” said Crowley. “You happen to be convenient.

“But if she doesn’t want to go, she can just say that,” said Aziraphale. “She doesn’t get to blame it on the undead.”

“Undead implies zombies,” grumbled Ruby. “Or vampires, at the very least.”

“You’ve got hours until you have to be at the party, Ruby,” said Aziraphale. “You can choose to go or not, but there is no reason why this should in any way interfere with you going.”

Ruby fidgeted uncomfortably and avoided everyone’s gaze. “Yeah, alright, fine. Point taken.”

“You’re going to a party?” asked the ghost. “I always loved a party.”

“You did?” asked Ruby. “What do you remember about them?”

“No, it’s no good, it’s gone,” she said, sighing in defeat. This kept happening. Something would prompt a spark of memory but it would burn out just the moment she realized it. “But still, should be fun, right?”

“I’m not much for large crowds, especially of people I don’t know.”

“But there’s the fun!” said the ghost. “Get to know some new people or pretend to be a new one, nobody will ever know! And there’s bound to be some kinda live band, right? Nothing better than hot jazz on a Friday night...and it’s gone again.”

Ruby suppressed a sigh. “That’s alright. We can try combing more internet archives again before I go?”

“I’m terribly sorry that it’s all so slow-going, my dear,” said Aziraphale. “Without any real code-words, there’s no way to narrow the search down. And if you really _are_ from the 1920s, there’s a real chance that records of you have been lost.”

“Why’s that?” asked Ruby.

“A lot of older records were lost in fires or to other sorts of disasters,” explained Aziraphale. “I’m really the last person I ever thought would say this, but it really would help if the local archives would back more things up digitally. The records we’re looking for could be sitting in a basement somewhere and we’d never know.”

“Good thing we literally have forever then,” Ruby said under her breath.

“You don’t, at least not today,” Aziraphale reminded her. “You can choose to go or not, but you can’t pretend like the choice is being made for you.”

Ruby groaned in frustration. “I don’t see what good it’ll do me anyway. Best case scenario, I end up a wallflower pretending to be on my phone all night.”

“Won’t people know you’re not on the telephone?” asked the ghost. “I mean wouldn’t it be obvious? You can’t monopolize someone else’s phone at a party, so my mental image of this scenario involves pantomime.”

“Telephones are a bit more portable now than they were in your time,” said Crowley. “Everyone’s got one and they fit in your pocket.”

“Oh applesauce,” the ghost laughed, waving her hand dismissively. “Wait, you’re not serious? Portable telephones?”

Ruby took hers out of her pocket and waved it in the air. “It’s also sort of a computer.”

“Like the one we’ve been using?” the ghost asked, referring to Ruby’s laptop. “And I thought that was the height of invention, but this is just swell! Well, actually, not swell, it’s better than swell, it’s-”

“Cool?” offered Ruby.

The ghost considered this. “I don’t see in what way this relates to the temperature, Ruby, but yeah that’ll work just swell.” She smiled and tried the word out. “Cool. _Cool.”_ She had an idea. “Say, if you go to this party, can I come?”

“Why on Earth would you want to?” asked Ruby.

“Because it gives me something to do,” she shrugged. “Gets a little boring.”

“It’ll be boring there,” Ruby said. “Especially for you.” She tried to put this delicately. “I mean, because nobody can see you.”

“Yeah, but you can,” the ghost pointed out. “You already said you’ll be around like a cancelled stamp, so what’s the harm in me turning up to keep you company?”

Ruby considered it. “Alright, you can come, but no making things float or setting things on fire, alright? Actually, on second thought, you can do those things, but only if I get bored and give you the signal. If the party’s too dead, a haunting might be the perfect thing to liven it up.”

“I don’t know how to do that, though,” the ghost said. “I keep trying to even pick things up, but I…” She reached out to pick up Freddie, who’d been sleeping on the floor nearby. Her hand went right through the cat, who shivered and bristled her fur as she growled slightly. “See, can’t even do that.”

“Oh, see, that sucks more than anything,” Ruby proclaimed.

“More than being dead?” asked Aziraphale incredulously.

“Yeah, because if you have to be dead, you should at least be able to do haunting stuff, right? She can’t even do that! Takes all the fun out of it!”

“Out of being a ghost?” Aziraphale asked.

“Haven’t any of you seen _Casper_?” she asked, shaking her head. “You’re all so lame. Look, I’m gonna go get changed out of my uniform, then we can try to do some more research. All party talk needs to be put away for now.”

…

The four of them gathered around Ruby’s laptop, which they always placed on the kitchen table during research time. The ghost tried to respect Ruby’s wishes to not talk about the party, but she was too excited.

“Is that what you’re planning on wearing?” the ghost asked, obviously alarmed by the possibility that Ruby could go to a party in jeans and a Buffy t-shirt.

Ruby sighed. “I’m not planning on anything right this second. Where’s your focus? We’re doing all this for you, you know.”

“I _know_ and I’m grateful,” the ghost said. “But I want to go dancing.”

Ruby didn’t look up from the keyboard. “You know they probably won’t be playing any music you’ll like? I mean I wasn’t exactly invited to a speakeasy.”

“I can handle it. Long as you can dance to it.”

“I’m not so certain you can,” Aziraphale lamented. “I wouldn’t exactly call what the people do these days dancing.”

Ruby raised her eyebrows. “What would you call it then?”

“For want of a better term: thrashing. And that’s at best.”

“You’re just put out that the gavotte went out of style,” said Crowley.

“It wouldn’t be dignified trying to gavotte to today’s music anyway,” said Aziraphale.

“I’m only saying that I’m a little out of touch as well,” said Ruby. “Sure, I know my Paramore, but even my current music tends to be a little more underground. I can’t exactly guarantee that _I’ll_ even like what they’re playing.”

Crowley gave Aziraphale a meaningful look, but continued speaking to Ruby. “You don’t suppose they’ll play any _bebop,_ do you? Shame to have a party without any _bebop._ ”

Ruby was quick enough to understand when her dads were trying to get on each other’s nerves, even when she didn’t understand what the particular insult was. “I’m not getting in the middle of whatever this is,” she said. 

“Aziraphale has this habit of thinking any music created after 1939 is bebop,” Crowley explained.

“Will I never live that down?” Aziraphale groaned.

“He called the Velvet Underground bebop.”

Ruby paused and slowly looked up from the computer. “He did _what_?”

“Now you’ve done it, Crowley,” Aziraphale complained. “Gone and turned my own daughter against me.”

“What’s a Velvet Underground?” asked the ghost. “Is that some kinda ragtime band?”

Ruby and Crowley exchanged a look. Ruby opened her mouth to speak before closing it again. She did this several times.

“Ruby you look like a pez dispenser,” Crowley said. “Speak or close your mouth.”

She closed her mouth and narrowed her eyes, giving Crowley a scathing look. She turned back to the ghost. “I don’t know how to describe it, exactly, to someone with your limited range of knowledge, so sure. If that helps. Just know that if asked to describe the Velvet Underground, absolutely nobody at all would say _ragtime_.”

“Can we listen to it?” asked the ghost.

“No, we’re busy,” said Ruby.

"Oh come on, Ruby, indulge the girl," said Crowley. "If not with the Velvet Underground, at least teach her how to dance."

Ruby gave him a funny look. "Remember when you tried to teach me to dance?" 

"That's our fault," said Crowley. "Aziraphale's gavotte and my disco weren't up to your standard. Teach her how to dance modern."

"Not sure I can do that."

Crowley crossed to her computer, searched through her files, and selected a song. Ruby let out a full-bodied sigh as she heard the first notes and buried her head in her hands. "Seriously?"

He extended a hand. "Here. Dance with me?"

"To 'Dancing with Myself'? Doesn't that defeat the purpose?" But she went along with it.

"Say, I kinda like the rhythm on this one," said the ghost, tapping her feet along. "Is it a Velvet Underground?"

"No," Ruby laughed. "Billy Idol." She expectantly snapped her fingers at the ghost. "Come on. You wanted to learn how to do modern dance. Well, I wouldn't call anything I do 'modern' or 'dancing', but I'll show you some moves."

The ghost's eyes lit up (not literally). "Then I can come to the party?"

She shrugged. "Yeah, why not."

The ghost got to her feet. “You've got to let me help you find something better to wear, because you can’t go to a party dressed like that. Tell me you _do_ have better options?”

“I have better options,” Ruby snapped. “Don’t talk to me about better options, I can dress myself.”

“Alright, but I can _help_ -”

"Not until you've learned how to dance," Ruby insisted. "We'll talk about my clothing _after_. Now follow along...No, not like that, a bit more shuffle. Bend your knees...Now you've got it."

The ghost was a quick study. She was, unsurprisingly, a much better dancer than any of them.

"You think you were a dancer in your past?" asked Aziraphale.

"Anything's possible!" the ghost laughed.

…

Ruby decided to allow the ghost to help her dress after all. She left her bedroom door open as she looked through her closet.

“Clothes have changed an awful lot since my time,” the ghost said, marveling at the array of textiles Ruby had the option of costuming herself with.

“...Which was…?” Ruby prompted.

“Already gone again,” the ghost said. “Sorry.” She reached out to grab a skirt from Ruby’s closet, but her hand went through it.

“You like that one?” Ruby asked, pulling the hanger from the rack.

“I just wanted to look at it,” the ghost said. “What sort of material is that? Looks almost like leather.”

“We call it ‘pleather’,” said Ruby, smoothing out some creases in the material. “I prefer it. It’s smoother, and I don’t feel like I’m wearing a victim’s skin.”

“It looks like it would be _very_ short,” the ghost said. This wasn’t a judgement, it was merely a curious statement.

“It sort of is, I guess?” Ruby looked over the ghost’s knee-length beaded dress. “But you had short skirts like that in the 20s, didn’t you? I mean not _exactly_ like that, but I’ve seen the movies.”

“Actually, Ruby,” said Aziraphale from the parlor. “Short skirt-lengths _weren’t_ in vogue in the 20s at all. Most of what Hollywood considers to be period-accurate flapper wear was entirely an invention for movie audiences of the 1950s.” He stepped into the doorway. “This outfit our friend here is wearing is partially what convinced me she might be accurate to the time period and not just wearing a costume.” He gestured to the ghost. “See how it’s not skin-tight and doesn’t accentuate any particular, eh, womanly attributes? That was very stylish in the 20s. Women of the time were fond of a more androgynous fashion, even if not exactly in the way we would today think of as androgyny.”

“Huh,” said Ruby. “Good to know.” She held up the skirt. “So what do you think about this skirt?”

“Oh I’m no expert, dear,” smiled Aziraphale. “It all depends on the sort of impression you want to put forward.”

“And what sort of impression does this put forward?”

“It depends on what you pair it with,” he said. “This is the first time your peers will see you out of uniform. You have an opportunity to be yourself.”

Ruby considered this and raided her closet once more. “Close the door, would you, dad?” she asked.

…

“See that’s what I mean,” the ghost said, standing behind Ruby while she put the finishing touches on her makeup. “You’re a choice bit of calico when you bother to get dolled up.”

“A choice bit of calico?” Ruby asked incredulously.

“My point is that you can be when you try,” the ghost replied. “My, but fashion sure has changed a bunch, hasn’t it? Don’t think I could get away with something like that.”

Ruby couldn’t think what to say to that. “So what do you think, really?” She wondered why she felt the need for approval. Usually she didn’t take opinions on fashion from anyone.

“It’s interesting,” the ghost nodded. “Looks good on you, though.”

Ruby nodded and took a deep breath before walking back to the parlor, where Aziraphale and Crowley were sitting in their usual armchairs. “Don’t laugh, but how about this?” she asked, holding her arms awkwardly at her sides as if unsure what to do with them.

“Oh, well…” said Aziraphale. “That’s certainly an outfit.”

“That bad?” asked Ruby.

“No, no, I didn’t say that…”

Crowley was the next to speak. “Well it’s good you’re finally wearing that thing,” said Crowley. “After insisting we buy it for you, you keep putting off wearing it.”

Crowley was referring to a full-length black bustier top that Ruby had dubbed “goth as hell”, but had then been too scared to wear. She looked at it in her closet day after day, but was too nervous to put it on. Over this, she’d pulled on a black see-through long-sleeved shirt with bats printed on it. Completing the ensemble was the black pleather mini skirt that the ghost had picked out as well as a pair of purple knee-length gogo boots that matched her lipstick.

“It’s too much, isn’t it?” asked Ruby, nervously. “This is the part where you tell me to go change because I’m not going out like this?”

“Why would we do that?” asked Crowley.

“Well maybe _you_ wouldn’t, because you’re a demon,” said Ruby. “But this is the part where the dad is supposed to say that I’m not allowed to dress certain ways, especially not to a party where anything can happen.”

“Where anything can happen?” asked Crowley.

“Yeah, like, this sort of outfit says I’m, y’know, asking for it or something,” she said quickly. “It’s, I dunno, provocative or something. It’s why I’ve been too scared to wear any of this up til now. Like what if people _look_ at me?”

“You want to be an actor but you’re scared that people will look at you?” Aziraphale asked.

But Crowley understood. “You don’t have to wear that if you don’t want to, but I’m also not going to tell you that you can’t. I honestly don’t see anything wrong with your outfit - I’d wear it myself if I could pull it off. If I worried that you were pushing yourself to look older than you are, then I might stop you. But I know you want to dress like this for yourself and not for anyone else, so I’m fine with it if you are. But just know that what other people do is not your fault. You’re not responsible for how people react. Clothing isn’t a provocation. It’s a statement. And if this is the statement you want to make, then I’ll support you.”

“So it’s okay?” she asked. “It doesn’t look, I dunno, silly or anything?”

“I mean, you _do_ look sort of silly,” said Crowley. “But it’s mainly because it’s obvious that you don’t feel comfortable. If you’re going to wear something like that, wear it with intent. _Own_ it. If you go out with an attitude like you think you’re silly, then that’s how people will see you.”

“But how does it look?” she pressed. “I mean, really?”

Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a look. “It looks…” Crowley began.

“Good,” offered Aziraphale.

“Yeah, good, exactly,” said Crowley. “Very, ah-”

“Batty?” 

“Yes, Zira, batty,” Crowley nodded. “You look very, ah...girl...like…”

Ruby’s face split into a wide grin. “It’s super weird that your total incompetence as gay men-shaped beings who don’t know how to talk to girls is more comforting to me than anything. I’ll take that as an endorsement.”

“I think it’s the bees knees,” said the ghost.

“No, those would be Ruby’s,” said Aziraphale, prompting barely-suppressed laughter from everyone but Ruby.

“Oi!” she protested, taking mock offense. Aziraphale’s biting wit was one of her favorite things about him.

“Oi!” mocked both of her parents. 

Ruby was struggling not to laugh now too. “That’s a good point, though, actually. I need tights.” She rushed back into her room to change into a pair.

“Hurry it up, doll,” said the ghost. “We need to get a wiggle on or we’re gonna be late!”

“Oh can it!” Ruby shot back with a grin. “You’re _already_ late!”


	14. Careful

The address Ruby had been given was across the street from a park, so Crowley pulled the Bentley into the shade of a tree where they had a good view of the house. It was a moderately sized brick house that already seemed to contain a lot of people. Snippets of music could be heard from within.

Aziraphale turned around in his seat to look at Ruby. “Now remember, if at any time you want to leave, just call us. We’ll come get you.”

“Right, yeah,” she said, her anxiety hovering like a cloud all around her. 

Aziraphale gave her his approximation of a bracing smile. “As the kids say today, ‘you got this, Ruby.’” Ruby laughed under her breath and he smiled more warmly. “What?”

“It’s just that I’m pretty sure now that you’ve said it, nobody will _ever_ say it again,” she replied.

“It wasn’t _cool_ , was it?” asked the ghost in the seat next to her.

“Nah, but it was alright,” said Ruby. She smiled warmly at both of her parents. “Thanks, dads.”

Crowley was determined not to get sentimental. “Right. Time for checks.”

Ruby sank back into the seat with an affectionate sigh. “Do we have to do this every time I leave the house?”

“Maybe not eventually,” Crowley said. “But this is new territory. Want to make sure you know.”

“Well I can see the exits from here…”

“Apart from that,” he said. “Phone?”

“Check.”

“Small, compact weapon.”

She removed a butter knife from her boot. “Didn’t think I needed the real deal for this, but don’t underestimate the damage this can do to an eye socket.”

“I definitely don’t want that back if it’s been in your shoe…” despaired Aziraphale.

“Pepper spray?” Crowley asked.

“Check,” said Ruby.

“ _Demon_ spray?”

She sighed. “Yeah, never leave the house without it.”

“Sunglasses?”

“At night? They’ll think I’m a twat.”

“Sunglasses, Ruby?” She was silent so he opened the glove compartment, where she was surprised to see quite the collection of sunglasses. “Take your pick. First sign of trouble, you put em on, got it?”

She knew there was no convincing him otherwise. “Alright, yeah, got it.”

“Crowley,” said Aziraphale. “You don’t _really_ think she needs all of this, do you?”

“Better safe,” Crowley said.

“Alright, you’re sorta freaking me out though,” said Ruby. “Do you not want me to go? It’s not too late for me to not go.”

Crowley smiled. “I want you to have a nice time. Just be careful, alright?”

She smiled. “Where’s the fun in that?”

“That’s my girl,” he grinned.

She took a deep breath. “Alright. Here goes.” She opened the car door.

“Oh, and Ruby?” said Crowley.

She had one foot already out the door, but poked her head back inside. “Yeah?”

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“Or anything he _would_ do, on second thought,” said Aziraphale.

“So what options am I left with?” she laughed.

“Not too late to be a hermit,” Crowley said.

“Right, be a hermit with you two,” she said with a dismissive wave. “That’ll be a laugh. Hermits United and all that.”

“Good, you’re getting the lingo down,” said Aziraphale. “You’ll blend right in.”

Ruby groaned. “If you think I’ve got the lingo down, I must be _way_ off.” She finished exiting the vehicle and closed the door, giving the them a little wave before she turned away. 

“I’d better scurry,” said the ghost. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure she doesn’t take any wooden nickels.” She floated out of the car after Ruby, who was preparing to cross the street.

“Think she’ll be alright?” Aziraphale asked Crowley.

“I’m always more worried about them than I am about her,” said Crowley.

“But if anything _did_ happen, then we’d have to worry about her,” Aziraphale reminded him. “She couldn’t handle it.”

Crowley took a deep breath and took the car out of park. “Yeah. We’ve got to trust that she’ll be alright.”

Ruby was still checking the street for cars even though it was obvious that the street was clear. The ghost smiled at her. “C’mon, what’s there to be fussing over? You’re a doll.”

“One of those evil possessed dolls who kills everyone, maybe,” Ruby said under her breath.

“What do you mean by that?” asked the ghost.

Ruby shook her head to clear it. “Nothing. I worry too much.”

“That’s what I’ve been _saying_ ,” the ghost said. “You ready?”

“Not really,” Ruby admitted. “But I gotta. You think it’s gonna be too Skins?”

“Is that another new word I don’t know?” asked the ghost. “One of those words where you think it means the usual thing but it doesn’t at all? Like cool?”

Ruby shook her head. “Never mind, it was a stupid question.”

Back in the car, Crowley couldn’t force himself to drive away until Ruby was in the house. Even then, he couldn’t quite do it.

“This is ridiculous,” Aziraphale said. “We shouldn’t be so nervous. We trust her, she can take care of herself.”

“Do you think this is normal?” Crowley asked. “Does everyone feel this way about letting their children leave the house?”

“I think our fear might be amplified by hers,” Aziraphale acknowledged. “But as for it being normal, I wouldn’t have a clue.” He had an idea. “Maybe we should ask an expert.”

Crowley instantly knew who he was talking about. “Oh come on, Angel. No, absolutely not! If we call her, she’s going to treat this like therapy. Besides, it’s a Friday night! Maggie might not be in!”

“Maybe we need a bit of perspective,” Aziraphale replied. “Won’t it make you feel a little better just to know for sure that we’re not overreacting?”

Crowley deliberated before finally coming to the conclusion that as much as he didn’t like it, it was a pretty good idea. “Alright. But if she starts asking ‘how does that make you feel’, I’m hanging up.”

…

Maggie picked up her phone after the first ring. “I’ve been expecting you,” she said.

Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a look, both able to hear her on the speakerphone. 

“You have?” asked Crowley.

“Yeah, cleared my night for you and everything,” Maggie replied.

“Why?” asked Aziraphale.

“Because you needed me,” Maggie said. “You were always going to need me for this. Ruby’s first party. You’re having separation anxiety on a far more real scale than you could’ve anticipated.”

“I suppose we are,” Aziraphale admitted. “What do we do about it?”

Maggie tutted. “Not so fast, Aziraphale. You want to skip right to the healing, but you won’t get there without admitting the specific causes of the distress. Is Ruby there with you?”

“No, she’s already gone inside,” said Crowley.

Maggie smiled. “So she did decide to go after all. That’s a good sign. Ruby might be hesitant to be around people her own age because of past experience, so jumping in feet first might be just what she needs to do. I need you both to understand that it’s natural, what you’re feeling. Lots of parents feel separation anxiety, especially when there’s some sort of unaddressed trauma. That’s why I’m proud of you both for allowing her the space to decide to go. A lot of parents in your position would insist on locking her inside and never letting her go anywhere without them.”

“But that would be abusive,” Crowley said. “That’s what the people who raised her did to her. We’d never do that.”

“Exactly,” said Maggie. “And, look, beyond your fears of attack, I know you must be feeling anxiety about what happens now. Little Ruby’s getting older, after all. Today it’s a party, tomorrow she’s dating-”

“Dating?” Aziraphale repeated, shocked by the implication.

“Who said _anything_ about dating?” asked Crowley.

“Don’t tell me the thought hasn’t crossed your mind?” Maggie asked. “She’s sixteen. She hasn’t expressed any interest to me about dating, but I try not to rush to conclusions. She could be asexual, or it could be a temporary response to trauma. If it _is_ temporary, then you’ll have to make yourselves ready for some very awkward conversations. What happens if she becomes sexually active? What happens if she gets involved with someone and gets hurt? These are things that every parent fears.”

“I’m less worried about her getting hurt than I am about her accidentally hurting other people,” said Crowley. “Her emotions are so volatile. She could get her heart broken and accidentally do some more breaking before she realizes what she’s done.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t let her out of the house,” Aziraphale said, wringing his hands.

Maggie realized she’d inadvertently introduced them to some anxieties they hadn’t before considered. “She’ll be fine. She’s got a good head on her shoulders. You’ve got to let her have as normal a teen experience as she can, because if you start treating her like she’s different she’ll internalize that. She’s got to grow. Do you understand?”

They both nodded slowly before realizing that Maggie couldn’t hear them.

“We understand,” Crowley said. 

“Thank you, Maggie,” said Aziraphale.

They hung up the phone and looked at each other.

“She’s got to grow,” Aziraphale repeated. “So we give her space to grow. She’s our wild mushroom.”

“Yeah, she is that,” Crowley said slowly. “She kind of grows on you. But really, you don’t think she’s...I mean, certainly not tonight, anyway, with how her moods have been. But should we have a talk to her about...Do you think she has a gender preference?”

Aziraphale was just as mortified by this conversation as Crowley was. “I don’t know. It never occurred to me. But if she’s going to be sexually active, I’d rather her be safe about it. I mean, maybe there won’t be consequences for her, but we don’t _know_ that…” He blinked and shook off these thoughts. “This is ridiculous. We shouldn’t even be thinking about that. I’m sure she’ll come to us if she has any questions. She always does.”

“But she’s been keeping secrets from us,” Crowley pointed out.

“My God, you don’t think it’s happening _already_ , do you?” He realized he was jumping to conclusions. “No, we’d know. Of course we’d know. This is a ridiculous conversation. Ruby’s never expressed an interest in being active.”

“She did dress like that tonight, though,” Crowley said, before realizing what he’d said. “Now you’ve got me doing it! How a person dresses doesn’t indicate anything one way or another, I know that better than anyone! And besides, she was scared that people might look at her! That’s not ‘come get me’ behavior!”

“And if it was, then that would be fine,” Aziraphale replied.

“Right,” Crowley agreed.

“As long as she was being safe.”

Crowley nodded. “As long as she was being safe.” Crowley put the car into drive. “I still think she’s too young. After all she’s been through, this is not the time to be jumping into anything.”

“Absolutely,” Aziraphale agreed. “Maybe we should still talk to her.”

“Right, that’ll go over real well,” Crowley replied. “While you were off in Heaven trying to rescue her, she and I had a little chat about why she had birth control pills in the first place that turned into explaining what a Nephilim is. That was awkward enough.”

“We need more time to think this through,” Aziraphale replied.

…

The house probably looked like any normal British home by daylight, but when Ruby entered it was in full party mode. Quinn had swapped out a lot of the lightbulbs for ones in various colors and had string lights winking from various surfaces. Some song Ruby wasn’t familiar with was playing on the too-loud sound system and a few people were dancing. There were a lot of people there already, but it wasn’t so crowded that she had to push past people to get anywhere. Aziraphale had insisted on feeding her before she left, but she smelled food and decided to find it. She looked around.

“Well look who dropped in!” a voice said loudly. “Ruby Fell - down from the sky, I imagine!” 

Ruby squinted at the familiar face. “Max, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Max said, following up that statement with something that Ruby couldn’t hear over the music.

“Sorry?” Ruby shouted. Max repeated it. “Yeah, still can’t hear ya, mate.” It was her first time trying out the word ‘mate’. She hoped it sounded natural.

Max gave up on speaking and just gestured to the nearby kitchen. “Food?” she said, loudly.

Ruby thought this must be an invitation and glanced at the ghost. The ghost rolled her eyes.

“Go on, live a little,” the ghost said. “Sad when you make me look lively. I’m gonna stay here and dance!”

Ruby followed Max into the other room, which was slightly quieter and less crowded than the living room. Her eyes fell on the kitchen island, which had an array of chips and dips as well as drinks and various types of desserts.

“You looked a little overwhelmed out there,” Max said. “Thought you might need a breather in here.” 

“I appreciate that,” said Ruby. “Bit crowded out there for my taste.”

Max gestured to the food. “Any of this to your taste?”

“Who are you, the hostess?” asked Ruby. “Thought this was meant to be Quinn’s party.”

“It is, it is,” said Max. “She’ll get to you eventually. She’s like a shark when it comes to lining up cast and crew.”

Ruby didn’t know what to say, so she got to work dipping a chip in salsa. “This salsa is weak,” she complained after eating it. “No kick to it. Should at least have more lime and cilantro.”

“You cook?” asked Max.

“Hell no,” Ruby replied. “I’m a disaster in the kitchen, even my dad says so.”

“You know, I hate to sound like Quinn, but I think you might be alright for a project I’m putting together. You’ll have to audition, of course. Nobody's really seen a whole lot of your range, so it's hard to place you.”

Ruby was surprised that Max had cut right to the chase. “Oh. I mean, uh, yeah, maybe. What kind of project?”

“It’s this little script I came across recently, you probably haven’t heard about it.” Max said this as a fact, almost an apology, without even the slightest hint of pretension. “It’s sort of a comedy about fairytales.”

“What kind of fairytales?” asked Ruby. “Are we talking like regional folktales or more of a world mythology?”

“Grimm Brothers stuff, specifically,” said Max. “Sort of the idea is that there are two narrators trying to tell every Grimm Brothers story but things keep going badly wrong. According to the script, you can do it with only two people constantly changing costumes and running themselves ragged - and I might do that yet - but we can also have an ensemble cast. So I’ll see how many people turn up to audition and decide how best to split up the roles.”

“Am I getting poached?” asked Ruby, stunned beyond belief that she was even being approached. “I mean, everyone keeps reminding me that they don’t know anything about me, so how do you even know I’ll be any good?”

“That’s what the audition is for,” said Max. “Besides, it’ll be good to shake it up a bit. You see all those people out there?” She pointed out at the rest of the party. “I’ve worked with every single person out there at least once. I can look at them and tell you who I’d cast them as. But I don’t want this to be a Tim Burton thing where I cast the same people because I know them. Adding a rogue element might help me put together the cast list in an unexpected way. We’re aiming for this to premiere next month for a Halloween push, but if it’s good enough we might take it to Festival. But, like I totally get it if you’re not interested. I just wanted to pick something fun and simple for my first directing gig, but I know that Quinn’s pushing hard for Taming of the Shrew, which definitely _will_ go to Festival, so I get it if that’s what you’d rather do. Everyone wants a Shakespeare credit under their belt.”

 _The Taming of the Shrew_ was one of the few Shakespeare plays that Ruby actually hadn’t read, but she didn’t want to say that out loud. She felt like she couldn’t make a commitment this early on, because she did really want to do Shakespeare - that was what she was there to do, after all - but she couldn’t believe that Max was actually being this nice to her. Whatever this play was seemed to mean a great deal to Max.

“I’ll think about it,” Ruby said. “I haven’t made up my mind either way. And it’s not like I couldn’t always do both.”

“Yeah,” Max laughed. “Yeah, you could.”

“Hey, it’s the new girl!” said another familiar voice which a second later was accompanied by Nick sashaying into the room. “Max, don’t tell me you’ve got her hiding away down here with you! It’s a mixer! You should be _mixing_.”

Ruby made a face. “If that’s some kind of innuendo-”

“It’s not,” he assured her. “But it could be. Not for me, of course, you’re not really my type. But look at you, I mean, you. are. BRINGING IT.” He gestured to her outfit. “I never imagined you could look this good out of uniform.”

She tilted her head. “Thank you? I _think_ that was a compliment?”

“She’s trying to poach you, isn’t she?” asked Nick, glancing knowingly at Max. “Get in there early before Quinn has a chance because then at least we might have a cast list.”

“We?” asked Ruby.

“Yeah, obviously this is one of our gigs,” said Nick. “We all decided on the project together. Of course I’m doing makeup, but I’m willing to step out there if we don’t get a lot of auditions. Selwyn’s supposed to be up doing effects with Max, though Max will probably have half a stage crew assembled by the end of the night. Chell’s the only for-sure actor we’ve got lined up so far, but she hasn’t even decided who she wants to try out for yet.”

“Give her a bit more confidence and Narrator 1 would be perfect for her,” Max said. “She has the range, she just needs confidence.”

Nick raised his eyebrows. “Could say the same thing about you. Honey, when’s the last time you auditioned for anything? Get rejected enough so the Quinn Templetons of this world can go on, and you start believing you _only_ belong in the wings.”

Max rolled her eyebrows. “Fine, if you want to be a little bitch about it. But speaking of Quinn, I’m surprised she hasn’t come in to poach Ruby or at least show her some hospitality.”

“I’m not,” said Chell, coming in the room and pouring herself a lemonade. “She’s busy being _very_ hospitable to Bradley Turnshaw.” 

Max, Chell, and Nick snickered. 

Nick poured himself a drink thoughtfully. “Lucky girl, honestly. He’s not bad in bed. That’s what I call a _real_ leading man.”

Chell punched him on the arm. “Nick! You didn’t tell us Bradley was one of yours!”

“A lady does not kiss and tell,” Nick said, wagging a finger at them like a disapproving housewife.

“You do!” Chell insisted.

“Frequently!” Max added.

“Even when we beg you to spare us the details!” added Chell.

“But more to the point,” Max said. “Just because he was good in the sack for you doesn’t mean he knows his way around a lady.”

“I’m sure he’ll do just fine,” Nick said. “He’s not closeted or nothin', he’s just open to a lot more options than I am. And he’s not at all shy about taking direction either. A lot of men take it as a personal insult when you give them notes, but he is always trying to improve.”

“Always?” shouted Chell. “As in _more than once_?”

He waved this off. “We hung out of a few times over the summer, don’t make it a thing.”

Ruby began to feel quite lonely as she watched these old friends happily gossip about their lives. She’d never had any friends like that.

“Nick is a bit of a slag,” Chell explained to Ruby. “But we’re the only ones allowed to tell him that.”

“Nobody else could and live to tell the tale,” said Max.

“She makes it sound like I’d personally fight them,” said Nick. “And I might. Max has always been a bit quicker with the throat punches.”

“I get overprotective,” said Max. “And I’m not interested in being polite.”

“Well that much is obvious,” said Quinn, waltzing into the room. She gave Max, Chell, and Nick a look that seemed to indicate that she was merely tolerating their presence before electing to ignore them. She turned to Ruby. “Have any of these tossers offered you a drink?” 

Ruby felt as if she’d been put on the spot. “Eh, no,” she admitted. “But I sort of thought that was the hostess’ job.”

Quinn ignored that remark. “What can I get for you?”

“Is this the part where I get peer pressured?” she asked before she could stop herself. “Because you should know I don’t really drink.”

“Prickly and she doesn’t really drink,” Quinn replied. “Well aren’t you a right little cactus.”

“I don’t object to the comparison,” Ruby replied. “Except cactuses have roots. That means they sort of do drink when the opportunity arises. Saying cacti don’t drink water just because they grow in the desert is like saying mushrooms don’t absorb sunlight just because they grow in the shade.”

“Wow, didn’t realize you were a cactus expert,” she replied dryly.

“I’m not,” Ruby replied. “We have a greenhouse at home and I grow mushrooms. I picked up a thing or two.”

Quinn just looked at her for a moment. "Right. Anyway. These losers are gonna try to get you on board for their silly fairytale thing, but if you really want, I guess there's an audition coming up for Taming of the Shrew? You're prickly enough to be potentially good so feel free to turn up, but just know that I've got the lead role down. Got it?"

"Your sales pitch is really...enticing?" Ruby replied. "Really, I've always heard you trap more flies with honey, but if the vinegar thing is working for you..."

Before anyone could speak, a tall boy with golden hair entered the room. “Hey babe, where’d you run off to?” he asked, putting his arms around Quinn’s waist. “I thought we were having a nice time.”

She giggled. “Yes, but I have to show my _other_ guests some hospitality.”

“You really, really don’t,” Max said under her breath.

Quinn shot Max a dirty look. “So you guys might’ve noticed that I’m here tonight with Bradley,” she said, clearly showing him off. 

“You _are_?” Max gasped, voice positively dripping with sarcasm. “You were so subtle!”

Quinn ignored the comment. “We thought tonight was the right time to tell everyone that we’re finally making our relationship official.”

“Does Bradley know about that?” Nick asked. He gave Nick a cheeky wave. “Alright, Bradley?”

Bradley smiled back bashfully. “Alright, Nick.”

Quinn was furious at this little exchange and dragged Bradley away at once, leaving the others in the room to dissolve into laughter. Ruby was the only one who didn’t laugh. She was beginning to connect the dots of what had just happened, but she wasn’t sure that she completely understood it. She reasoned that she must be losing the nuances of British communication.

"That wasn't very nice, Nick," Chell reprimanded him.

"Right, but _she_ started it," Nick replied.

Ruby began to feel lonely and out of place again. She felt her phone buzz and pulled it from the pocket of her skirt. 

_Everything alright_?

She smiled and glanced at Max, Nick, and Chell before wandering out of the kitchen. She hadn't been gone that long and her parents were already checking in. She knew they must be feeling what she was feeling. She knew she was supposed to be annoyed, but she wasn’t. 

_if i’m being honest,_ she texted back. _the music’s too loud. can’t hear myself think. thanks for checking in, aziraphale._ She looked at the text and then, even though it was against her usual texting style, went back in to capitalise the ‘a’ in Aziraphale. She couldn’t see how Crowley could even think of giving Aziraphale a nickname - even the concept of it seemed vaguely disrespectful and bordering on sacrilegious. And this coming from someone who normally liked a spot of sacrilege before breakfast. No, best to keep the name proper and capitalized. Otherwise it began to bother her.

A brief pause.

 _How did you know it was me?_ The angel answered back.

She smiled. _you don’t like texting, but this is on crowley’s phone. you wouldn’t let him text and drive, so you took his phone. probably because, as we all know, it's easier to text on his phone than it is on the one we got for you. also the grammar’s all proper. crowley texts like a 12 yr old girl._

A short pause.

_Crowley would like you to know that he doesn’t appreciate that description. At best, he’s 13. Nice, round, Satanic number. Also, why are you complaining about loud music? Your boombox is so loud sometimes you could hear it on the moon!_

  
She chuckled, feeling better already. She put her phone back in her pocket and looked around at the party. At least the ghost seemed to be having fun. She was dancing in the middle of the floor, giving new meaning to the phrase 'dancing like no one is watching' because nobody but Ruby was. Occasionally she'd accidentally pass through one of the living beings who were dancing nearby and they'd shiver, but nobody seemed at all aware that a ghost was dancing among them. Ruby watched this for a time before her eyes suddenly focused on a point behind the translucent ghost. Selwyn walked right through the ghost and up to Ruby.

"Alright, why are you staring at me?" Selwyn demanded, trying to seem imposing but only managing to look self-conscious. 

"I wasn't," Ruby replied earnestly. "I didn't even realize you were there, honest."

Selwyn put her hands on her hips. "You were looking right at me! I saw you!"

Ruby sighed. "I wasn't looking at you, I swear. There's a ghost dancing in the middle of the floor there, and I was a bit focused on that."

"Oh yeah right, like I'm gonna..." She suddenly realized that Ruby was serious. "What, seriously? Where?"

Ruby pointed it out. "There."

"I don't see anything," Selwyn said.

"Of course you don't, you're mortal," Ruby replied. "Doesn't mean she's not there."

"You're not winding me up?" Selwyn asked. "I mean, what would a ghost be doing at a party?"

Ruby shrugged. "She likes dancing. She wanted to come dance, so I'm letting her dance."

"You've _talked_ to the ghost?" Selwyn asked.

"Yeah, a few times," Ruby admitted. "She's lonely. Nobody ever notices her and I'm trying to help her find out how she died so she can move on. Tonight seemed like a good time to get her out of the house."

"Huh," Selwyn said. "And you're really not winding me up?"

"No," Ruby replied. "It's all true. Truth is, I wasn't planning on coming to this thing. I don't really do parties. I only came because she wanted to."

Selwyn nodded. "I hate these things too. I usually only stop by for half an hour then leave."

A brunette from Ruby's Shakespeare class sidled up to them now. "Hi, Ruby, isn't it? We're in Zima's class together?"

"Uh, yeah," Ruby said. "Katie, right?"

"Yeah," Katie said. "Listen, I know you're new, but I'm recruiting for a small production of 'My Fair Lady'-"

"Oh I don't, uh, really do musicals," Ruby said apologetically. "Not really much of a singer."

"What about you, Selwyn?" asked Katie. "We need a tech."

"Not really a fan of My Fair Lady, to be honest," she replied.

"Ah, well," Katie said. "If you change your mind-"

They were suddenly accosted by other young theatre students who suddenly realized there was fresh blood in the water. Suddenly everyone was clamoring to know if she'd try out for their production, or at the very least they were finding it odd that they'd never heard of her before.

"So where'd you study before this, Ruby?"

"Have you ever worked at...?" Followed by a string of locations and productions.

"So where'd you say you're from again?"

"What's your social?"

Ruby was beginning to find the sudden attention overwhelming. The ghost started moving toward her, recognizing that Ruby was uncomfortable. Ruby could feel her phone buzzing in her pocket, but was frozen.

Quinn returned to the room, dragging a less enthusiastic Bradley with her. She watched this for a time before chiming in. 

"You know, they raise a good point," she said, loudly enough that the others recognized her authority and got quiet in response. They parted like the Red Sea to allow her to walk toward Ruby, who was still standing frozen with a handful of leaflets for various productions she'd been pitched. "Who are you actually? You don't seem to have many answers on that."

"Come on, Quinn, leave it," Selwyn said softly. This surprised Ruby, who hadn't expected anyone, much less her, to defend her.

"Sorry?" Quinn said, raising a hand up to her ear. "What was that? A little Welsh mouse? You'll have to project a little bit and maybe try talking like you're from somewhere with paved roads, darling."

"That's a little rude, Quinn," Bradley replied, brow furrowed. "Maybe you should apologize? I mean, I think she's right, you should just leave it."

Quinn was obviously annoyed at the idea of being reprimanded by her new boytoy. "Why don't you sit back and be pretty, darling? If I need advice, I'll ask someone with a relevant opinion." She zeroed back in on Ruby. "But really, what's the big secret here? I mean none of us really know you! How is that possible?"

"It could be maybe she's not from here," said Ariela, appearing from seemingly nowhere. "Sometimes people migrate, Quinn, it's none of your business."

"But, see, it is a little bit," Quinn replied. "Because this, what we're doing here, it's a _social_ business. Don't want some girl buying her way in who's not cut out for it."

"Buying my way in?" asked Ruby, incensed finally by the accusation. "What do you mean by that?"

"You have connections, don't you?" asked Quinn. "Ariela _certainly_ has them too, but she won't say what they are either. You know, I looked you up. You're not anywhere on social. No Ruby Fell on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram...It's like you don't even exist. You could get away with that if you were a Daniel Radcliffe or some other famously reclusive established celebrity, but you're a nobody. You should be pitching yourself. What kind of actor doesn't pitch themselves? Who _are_ you anyway?"

Ruby felt as if the walls were closing in around her. This was a mistake, she shouldn't've come to this thing in the first place. Her chest felt tight and it was getting harder to breathe.

"Well?" Quinn asked. "Aren't you going to say anything? I don't know how you expect to hold up in an interview if you can't even answer a basic question."

"It's - it's..." She couldn't even think of words to say, so she swallowed.

"It's - it's," mocked Quinn. "Come on, _project_ , darling. Man, you're not exactly good at thinking on your feet, are you? Maybe there's nothing at all special about you, but you're not exactly normal, are you?"

Ruby's heart was pounding and she could feel her phone buzzing insistently. She didn't like the way everyone was looking at her. It felt like there was something building up inside of her, expanding, ready to explode.

Selwyn looked from Ruby to Quinn with eyes full of concern. "Come on, leave her alone. This isn't funny." She reached out for Ruby's arm. "Come on, you don't have to say anything, it's none of their business."

Her hand connected with Ruby's arm, and whatever force that was building up inside of Ruby came loose. It was invisible and expanded until it covered her then exploded over the rest of the party. Everyone stood still for a moment.

Quinn was the first one to shake it off. "What were we talking about?" she asked. She tilted her head to the side, irritation beginning in her eyes then spreading across her face. "Who turned off the music? It's not a party without music!"

The crowd began to disperse with the general consensus being that nobody could quite recall what had happened. Ruby dropped the leaflets she'd been holding, but hardly noticed.

"You alright?" Ariela asked Ruby. Ariela frowned. "I don't know why I'm asking that..."

"Did something just happen?" Nick asked. "I have a feeling like I'm angry with Quinn, but I can't remember why..."

"To be fair," said Max. "We're _always_ angry at Quinn."

"Seriously," Chell said. "I feel like there's something we're missing."

"Almost like I could feel a mic drop in my soul, but I don't remember why now..." agreed Nick.

Ruby was still overwhelmed and anxious. Hot tears pricked at her eyes as she pulled away from Selwyn and rushed from the house with the ghost not far behind her.

"What's with her?" asked Nick.

Selwyn rushed after her. She followed her across the street into the park.

"Wait, Ruby!" Selwyn shouted.

"Leave me alone!" asked Ruby.

"Alright, maybe I will!" Selwyn replied. A storm was brewing and Selwyn shivered against the sudden wind. "That was really messed up, I'm sorry!"

Ruby was still struggling not to cry as she whipped around to glare at Selwyn. "Oh was it? Like you're not dying to know what I am just as much as she was! Don't pretend like sticking up for me wasn't a way to get on my good side because you were scared I was gonna smite you or something! Everyone wants to know everything! Why can't they just leave me alone!"

"I'm sorry, really, I'm really sorry," Selwyn said helplessly. "It's none of my business, just like it's none of their business." She looked around as lightning flashed across the sky. "Are you doing this?"

"Yeah, probably!" Ruby said, somewhat hysterically. "I can't seem to control it, but what's the point of it anyway! Gonna still be a freak whether or not I can control it!"

"Something happened back there!" Selwyn replied. "I can't explain it...but they forgot. I could see it happen. But I didn't forget. Why didn't I forget too?"

"I don't know," Ruby replied. "I don't even know how I did that. I was feeling bad about myself and nervous and it just sort of happened, alright? I wanted them to stop thinking about me, so they stopped thinking about me!"

"Why do you feel bad about yourself?" asked Selwyn.

"I don't know!" she shouted, sarcastically. "Have you _met_ me?"

"Yeah," Selwyn replied. "And, look, maybe I haven't exactly been the most welcoming person, but you seem chill." A loud clap of thunder seemed to contradict her. "Or maybe _chill_ isn't the right word. But you seem smart in class. And you're not exactly bad looking either." She forced her eyes away from Ruby's outfit. "And, I dunno, maybe you're some kind of superhero or something. That's pretty cool, right?"

"Not most days," Ruby said.

"Well maybe it's sort of cool that I get to be the one who knows about it," Selwyn replied, trying to be soothing. She put up her hands in a peaceable gesture and Ruby eyed her warily as she walked cautiously toward her. "Ruby, you don't have to say anything, but do you want to talk about what this is really about? Because you're kind of freaking out here."

"Freaking _you_ out, you mean-"

"Yeah, a little," Selwyn admittted. "But that's not your fault."

"I'm just..." Ruby faltered a little bit. "I'm just wondering if I'm not making a _huge_ mistake."

"Mistake?"

"Coming to this school. Doing the theatre thing. Exposing myself like this. I just want to be a normal teenager. I was never a normal teenager, even before I died."

Selwyn felt a strange sadness for this girl that she barely knew. "You died?"

Ruby nodded and didn't look at her. She was still trying desperately not to cry. She sat down heavily on a nearby bench. "This isn't the first time this has happened to me."

"You've done this before?"

Ruby could tell she meant the storm and shook her head. "This happens sometimes too. But that's not what I mean. God, it's happening again. I feel like it did the first time, it's like I'm - I'm dying again." The idea scared her more than anything. "Is this a side effect? Having to relive that over and over? I can't- I can't breathe."

"I don't think you're dying, Ruby," Selwyn said. "I think you're having a panic attack."

Ruby glared at her as she struggled to breathe. "Fuck off."

"No, I'm serious, I get them too," Selwyn said. "Granted, mine can't cause flash flooding, but they're not fun. You've just got to focus through it."

"Focus on what?" Ruby asked.

"Try to engage your senses," Selwyn explained. "Focus on something you can see."

"This is stupid," Ruby said.

"Try it, will you?"

Ruby tried to find something she could see in the gloom of the empty park. "I can see you, but that's about it."

"Right, that's alright," Selwyn said gently. "You can focus on me. Now focus on something you can smell."

She tried to take a breath. "I don't know, it just smells like forest."

Selwyn nodded. "That's a start. What can you hear?"

"Some annoying Welsh girl asking me too many questions."

"Fair enough. Now focus on something you can feel. A sensation, not an emotion. External, not internal."

"I don't know-"

"Try it."

"I don't know, Selwyn..." She shook her head as the wind picked up speed. "I don't know if I'm anywhere, I just...I can't breathe. Can't think, it's all out of control."

Selwyn grabbed her hand. "It's alright, just focus on me, alright, I'll keep you grounded, just squeeze my hand." Selwyn realized this was presumptuous of her. "I mean, unless it makes you uncomfortable-"

Ruby closed her eyes and shook her head. "No, it's fine, it's alright."

Selwyn didn't take her eyes off of her. "It's alright, it's just a panic attack. They didn't mean anything by it. Quinn's just sort of mean to everyone."

Ruby shook her head again. "It's not just Quinn. I never used to get invited to parties where I used to live. I didn't fit in. Nobody really liked me much. And who can blame them? I mean I'm...me. But they invited me once and I snuck out of the house - I never would've been allowed to go to a party if I asked, you see. Went to all that trouble, showed up...And they laughed at me." She was furious at herself for crying, but it was like a dam burst and she couldn't help it. "I was invited as a joke. I normally wouldn't let it bother me because I didn't like them anyway. I didn't even really want to go to a party if I was honest, I only did it to rebel...but still. It hurt. They started asking me all these questions, you know? Stuff I wasn't even thinking about. People always want to put you in a box and they just _assume..._ It wasn't just the usual stuff about how I was skinny and ugly. They - they grabbed me and..." She swallowed hard. "They wrote 'lesbian' on my forehead with a Sharpie. Which, I know, sounds like it could be worse, but they didn't stop there. I fought them off, but they called my house and told the people I was living with and I got punished for going...I tried to scrub the Sharpie off my face but it wouldn't come off, I had to go to school like that on Monday."

"That's horrible," said Selwyn softly. 

"I've been through worse, so that doesn't even really matter. In fact it's silly to get so worked up over it. It's not that big a deal, really, in comparison. And you want to know why I don't have social? Well first of all, I never used to be allowed to have it. I made a secret account that I not only got bullied off of, but it was reported to the people I was living with who punished me for it. You know Facebook never really deletes your profile? It's gone up until the moment you decide to log back in, then it springs back up like you were never gone. I did that after I died, you know. Decided to check discreetly. Those same kids who bullied me were defending the people who killed me, saying terrible things about me. Then after it was proved that I was right, that they'd done those things to me, suddenly they changed their tune. Pretended that they were suddenly sad for me. That they'd ever cared before public opinion was on my side. It was so fake. It made me so _angry_. So I deleted it. I never went back. Now I only check my Tumblr and watch YouTube videos because nothing else on the internet could possibly interest me."

"I'm sorry that happened to you," Selwyn said softly. "That's horrible. Something sort of similar happened to me, back when I still went to regular school."

"Really?"

Selwyn nodded. "I mean, it's not quite up there with being invited out as a joke or whatever else, but I had to take a year off school because the bullying got so bad. I'm from sort of a small town, and well...It's hard being different. Straight people can be so..." She recognized that maybe now wasn't the time to tell this story. "Point is, I understand. But, hey, look! The storm stopped!"

Ruby opened her eyes and looked around. "Huh," she said. "I guess it did."

"You got it under control," Selwyn said. "That's good. Not to make it a contest, but I've had panic attacks that lasted _way_ longer than that." She tried to think of how to phrase this next part. "Do you need me to call someone for you? Or-or do you need a ride home or?"

Ruby could feel her phone buzzing in her pocket and came to her senses. "Aw Hell, my dads." She picked it up. "Hi-"

"Ruby, where the Devil are you?" Aziraphale asked frantically.

Crowley snatched the phone from him. "Your father and I have been trying to reach you and we've been looking all over this party for you and nobody's seen you-"

She loved them so much. "I'm in the park across the street."

Her tone stopped him. "Are you alright?" He knew she wasn't.

"Crowley," she said, suddenly very tired. "Can you come pick me up?"

"Right away," Crowley said. "We'll be there."

"Stay on the line for me, will you?" Ruby asked, slightly embarrassed to be asking.

"Whatever you like," he replied. 

Ruby took her phone away from her ear. "Thanks," she said to Selwyn.

"Any time," the human replied. "Listen, Ruby...I'm not going to tell anyone. About any of this. About you. It's fine. It's sort of cool, actually, but it's your business. I won't tell anyone."

Ruby smiled at her with enormous relief. "Thanks. I mean it."

"And you know," Selwyn said. "For the record, I wasn't afraid you were gonna smite me. I genuinely thought it was messed up what Quinn did back there."

A pair of headlights found the girls and they raised their hands to shield from the glare. Ruby realized that they were still holding hands and pulled away at once.

Crowley rolled down the window. "Ruby?"

"Coming!" she piped up. "Let's go home, yeah?"

"Alright," Crowley replied, trying to quiet a tremble in his voice. "Get in, Ruby."

Ruby got up and walked forward a few paces before turning back to Selwyn. "Thanks again."

"Those are your dads?" Selwyn asked, nodding toward the vehicle.

"Yeah, they're alright," said Ruby, trying to seem cool. 

"Ruby-" Crowley called again.

"Coming, coming!" She raced into the car, managing to get one last look at Selwyn out the window as they sped off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going on another 2-week hiatus! Sorry to leave you hanging!


	15. Spiderwebs

The car sped away into the night and Ruby immediately became aware of the figure in the seat next to her.

"Where the hell have you been?" she demanded of the ghost.

"We could say the same to you," Crowley said in a low voice.

Ruby said nothing, just went back to staring out the window.

"If you really want to know, I'm sorry," the ghost said anxiously. "I tried to come after you, there was just all this wind..."

Crowley nodded, keeping his eyes fixed on the road. "Understandable. Non-corporeals have trouble maintaining their shape in weather events."

"Who was your friend?" asked Aziraphale. 

"She's not my friend," Ruby said hurriedly.

"Of course," Aziraphale replied. "My mistake. You did look a little cozy..."

"Not cozy," Ruby replied sullenly. "I barely know her. She was helping me, is all."

"Are you alright, Ruby?" asked the ghost. "That was a nasty scene back there."

"What happened?" asked Crowley. "Your father and I were so worried about you."

Aziraphale could feel Ruby's anxiety levels rising. "Crowley-"

Crowley pushed on anyway. "We looked for you everywhere-"

"Crowley-"

"We started thinking the worst-"

"I don't..." Ruby said, shaking her head to clear it. "I can't..." 

She squeezed her eyes shut and snapped her fingers without thinking about it, and suddenly it all stopped. Ruby opened her eyes to find that she'd transported them all back to the living room. She and the ghost were on the sofa while Aziraphale and Crowley were in the armchairs to either side. Crowley realized his hands were no longer gripping the wheel just in time to drop them hastily. The next second he stood up sharply.

"The _Bentley_!" he shouted. "Where the heaven is my car?" He rushed to the window and heaved a sigh of relief when he spotted it idling outside. "Good. That's...that's good."

Aziraphale was less focused on the car. "Ruby...You Miracled us home."

Ruby was realizing what had happened as well. "No! I mean...I didn't. I can't have."

"Well neither of us did," said Aziraphale.

"I just wanted to be home," she said, voice trembling. "It was too much not being home."

"So you brought us home," Aziraphale finished.

"I don't know how!" she insisted.

"That's alright, it's a start. It's instinct."

Ruby's eyes filled with tears again and she hung her head. She buried her face in her hands as she heaved a sob that brought her shoulders up high, almost in a defensive position except far more vulnerable. 

Aziraphale instantly felt a pang of involuntary empathy for the girl and came to her side. "There, now," he said, putting an arm around her. Comforting wasn't really his area, but he felt he needed to try. "You're home, it's alright. You're safe now."

"I know," she managed to choke out.

"Did someone hurt you?"

"Were you attacked?" asked Crowley. "Did you use the Demon Spray like I showed you?"

"No," she said. "I mean, I wasn't attacked so I didn't have to use it. It was stupid, I'm almost over it now."

"Then why are you still crying?"

She looked up at him with eyes glistening with tears. "Because you came for me." She looked over at Crowley, who was watching her from the window. "You both did."

"We always come for you, Ruby," said Crowley. "You know this. Wherever you are, we always come."

She nodded. "That's my point. Nobody else has ever done that for me. Not even once, let alone consistently. I love you both so much and you're gonna be so mad at me."

"Why would we be mad at you?" asked Crowley. "I'm sorry, I realize I've come across as angry. I realize that's, uh, triggering for you. I only act this way because I was terrified that I was going to lose you-"

"It's not you," she interjected. "I mean, it's not your fault. You're going to be mad at me because I lied to you."

Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a look. Here it was. At last.

"We're not mad at you, Ruby," said Crowley. "We know."

Her brow furrowed as she looked at him. "You do?"

"We've known all along. We can feel what you're feeling, remember? You felt guilty, so we knew."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"We knew you'd tell us when you were ready," said Aziraphale. "I practically invented lying to your parents, so I knew you must have a good reason."

She gave Aziraphale a stricken look. "You two are too good to me. I don't deserve it. I broke your trust."

"On the contrary," Aziraphale replied. "It's because we trusted you that we didn't say anything until now. So what is it? What happened?"

She hesitated, but the truth bubbled up within her. "That girl you saw me with? Her name is Selwyn Rose. When I teleported on the first day of school, she was the one who saw me. I didn't say anything because you two are overprotective and I wanted to see if I could sort it out myself."

"It looks like you did," said Crowley.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked him.

"Holding hands on a bench," Crowley replied. "I mean, you are our daughter after all. That's practically our signature move."

"It's not like that," Ruby said hurriedly. "We've hardly spoken. She had this idea that I was having a panic attack and was trying to help me. That's all that was."

"How much does she know?" asked Crowley.

"Not much, but enough," Ruby replied. "But she won't tell anyone."

"Because you erased her memory?" asked Aziraphale.

"No, and I'm not going to," said Ruby. "And neither of you are either. We have a sort of understanding."

"An arrangement?" asked Crowley.

"No, it's not so formal," said Ruby. "She won't say anything. I know she won't."

"We trust you, Ruby," said Aziraphale. "If you say she won't, then we won't interfere."

"But if you need us to, just say the word," added Crowley.

"You're really not mad at me?" asked Ruby.

"We're just relieved to know for sure," said Aziraphale. He Miracled her a warm mug. "Here," he said.

She sniffled and wiped her eyes. "What's this?"

"Your favorite," he said, handing it over.

She took a sip of the hot chocolate and closed her eyes as warmth flowed through her. "Much better. Thank you."

Crowley sat next to them on Ruby's other side. "Do you want to talk about it now? Or would you rather wait til morning?"

"Didn't I just?" asked Ruby.

"You said you had something like a panic attack," said Crowley gently. "You didn't say why."

"I tried to help," the ghost said, reminding them of her presence. "I remembered what you said, Ruby, about doing ghost stuff. When they started bothering you I tried to do something real spooky but all I got was turning off the music."

Ruby looked over at the ghost with a grateful smile. "Thank you for trying. I appreciate it. Wait, you turned the music off? We're gonna have to have a conversation about that, because that's wicked cool."

"Who was bothering you, Ruby?" Crowley asked.

"And more importantly, do you need us to go rough them up a little for you?" asked Aziraphale.

Ruby chuckled at the image of Aziraphale roughing anything up. "No, thank you, Aziraphale. I don't need any help. Can I ask you, though? Do you think I'm crazy? Should I even be trying this whole school thing? Should I just give up and work in Aziraphale's shop like a good cryptid?"

"You're not crazy, Ruby," said Aziraphale. "You should do whatever you think will make you happy."

"Something weird happened to me tonight," Ruby admitted. "The others, they were...they were trying to ask me questions. Questions I don't want to be asked, you know?"

Crowley nodded. "We expected that."

"It just, it really got to me," Ruby said. "It was too much attention on me, and it reminded me of how it used to be at my old school. People have always just assumed things about me, you know? And I don't think these guys would be violent or cruel like that, but it just...it reminded me too much. I kept feeling it build up, this, I dunno, bubble in my chest. It kept expanding, the more attention they put on me. Then it exploded. It wasn't something you could see, I could just feel it go like a wave over everyone. Then they just stopped. It was like they forgot everything."

"You must've activated your defense mechanism," said Aziraphale. "Otherworldly beings have them naturally, though we can selectively turn them on and off. They stop us from being too noticed for our magical abilities."

"Aziraphale's mostly just stops people from giving him nicknames," said Crowley. 

"Is that what that weird feeling is?" Ruby asked. "Every time I think about even texting you without capitalizing your name, I get this weird uncomfortable feeling about it."

Crowley nodded. "That's the one."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "But you have nicknames for him?"

"Yeah, but I love him and he loves me," said Crowley. "I get a loophole."

"So you think maybe they won't ask me questions about my past from now on?" Ruby asked.

"It'll probably make them very uncomfortable to even consider a version of Ruby who existed before they knew you," Crowley posited. "But then again, this is only a guess."

Aziraphale noticed how Ruby's eyelids seemed to be getting heavy. "Ruby, dear, it's been a stressful day. I'm sure you're exhausted. Why don't you get some sleep and we'll talk more in the morning?"

Ruby nodded, realizing how utterly drained the day's events had made her. "I _am_ a bit knackered, now you mention it..."

...

It took a while for Ruby to say goodnight to the ghost and disentangle herself from her doting parents. She discarded her clothes on the floor and climbed into her fleece pajamas before climbing into the sheets that Aziraphale had Miracled to always feel like they'd just come out of the dryer. It had been a long night and she was very tired - physically and emotionally. She picked up her phone from the bedside table to check the time.

_**9:47** _

She was surprised to find so many notifications on her phone. She had 30 missed calls from Aziraphale and 27 from Crowley. 

She looked through the texts they'd left, which were varying levels of frantic. Aziraphale had gone from cool and collected ( _ **Ruby, just noticing you're having a bit of anxiety there, are you alright?**_ ) to completely beside himself with worry ( _ **Ruby, where are you, we're so worried about you, please respond?**_ ). He'd ultimately left 39 texts. Crowley, on the other end of the spectrum, had begun his tirade of 46 texts by trying to seem indifferent ( _ **Ruby ur dad's worried wld u plz tell him ur alrite so he'll let me keep driving?**_ ) to complete unbridled panic ( _ **Ruby 4 gods sake plz answer us we cant find u here ru ok ru hurt plz respond?**_ )

Ruby felt bad as she read through the messages. She hated worrying them over something that turned out to be nothing. But at the same time, she felt herself relaxing with each one she read. 

_They care about me,_ she thought to herself. The thought brought more tears to her eyes. It was an unexpected, impossible thought, but she could feel it was true. _They care about me. They were worried. Not mad. Worried._

She realized she also had voicemails. All 16 of them were from Crowley, probably because Aziraphale was barely handy with the phone. Every time he'd tried to call her before this, he'd accidentally muted himself or hung up, despite the fact that they'd managed to dredge up an ancient bright pink Nokia flip phone to make his transition to new technology as easy as possible. He only had the phone in the first place just in case Ruby needed to contact him. Otherwise he wouldn't've bothered.

She listened to these messages, unable to stop a smile from making its way across her face.

 _ **Hi, Ruby, it's** **Crowley,**_ he was so wonderfully awkward when leaving a message. _**Just checking in. Call us back or text us, whatever, it doesn't matter.**_

_Beep._

**_Ruby, it's me again, Crowley. We'd like it if you'd call us back._ **

_Beep._

_**Ruby-** _

_**Did you get her on the line?**_ Aziraphale cut in.

_**No it's just the ansaphone. Great, now you've ruined it, how do you delete-** _

_Beep._

**_Ruby, hi, it's your, eh, your Crowley, I guess. Just checking in. Please call us back-_ **

_Beep._

**_Now listen here, young lady, we didn't give you a telephone just to not pick it up when we call-_ **

**_Aziraphale, give that back, you're gonna scare her off-_ **

_Beep._

**_Ruby, don't listen to your dad, he's just worried. I keep telling him it's for nothing, but I can't prove that unless you answer your phone-_ **

_Beep._

**_Ruby, if you don't answer this phone we'll turn this car around-_ **

_Beep._

**_(music in the background) Ruby where ARE you? We're looking everywhere for you and you don't seem to be here? You told us you'd be here, where are you?_ **

_Beep._

**_Ruby, please, answer you phone. We can feel something is wrong, we're getting worried._ **

_Beep._

**_Honestly, Ruby, we're not going to be upset as long as you pick up the phone. We'll just be happy that you're safe. Call us back, please._ **

_Beep._

**_Ruby, there's a bit of a storm out here and we're wondering if that's you? It's alright if it is, that's a natural anxiety response, is what Maggie says that is. Please let us know you're not in any danger. But if you are in danger, you're allowed to use force. Nobody will think less of you. That's why I gave you all those weapons. Please be safe._ **

_Beep._

**_(muffled a bit) This is why I was afraid of letting her out by herself, Zira, what if she's getting hurt because we didn't watch her enough, we're terrible parents-_ **

_Beep._

**_Sorry, I didn't realize the ansaphone picked up last time, disregard that last message. Please call us back._ **

_Beep._

**_Ruby, where are you? Why won't you answer us?_ **

_Beep._

**_I promise you're not going to be in any trouble. I know the way you were treated before, and we wouldn't do that to you. We're just worried and want to know you're safe. Nobody's going to shout at you or be mean to you or hurt you. You won't be punished or thrown out or anything else you're afraid of. We just want you home safe._ **

_Beep._

**_Ruby, please answer us. Give us something to go on so we can help you. We're worried about you and if something happened to you..._ ** _Short pause while Crowley tried to regain his composure. **You're our daughter, Ruby. We love you-**_

 _ **It's true, Ruby, we do love you,**_ Aziraphale cut in.

_**And we want you to be safe. Please tell us that you're safe. Please.** _

_**We'll come to you. Wherever you are. Please tell us where you are so we can find you.** _

_**We're not angry or upset. Please just be okay. We need you to be okay.** _

_Beep._

_End of messages._

Ruby experienced such an odd emotion as she lay there with her phone in hand. Her cheeks were wet with the tears she was crying...but she was smiling. She couldn't help it. She was so very sorry that she had worried them, of course she was. But there was a broader warmth spreading its way through her that couldn't be attributed to anything external.

_They love me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be on hiatus next week, but I'll have two chapters for you the week after. Hiatus just means I won't be posting. I'll be available here and on Tumblr for questions and comments.


	16. Funny Honey

"Someone's stress-cooking."

Those were the first words out of Crowley's mouth when he awoke on Saturday morning to find Aziraphale in the midst of a baking frenzy.

"Spectacular observation, Crowley," Aziraphale snapped. "Really spot on."

Crowley wasn't offended at all, he knew this was just the way of things sometimes. Aziraphale baked a lot when he needed time to think. That suited him just fine, if he was being honest. Aziraphale could get a little snippy sometimes, but it wasn't anything personal. You just needed to allow him to get it all out. And this wasn't even as snippy as Aziraphale could get. If Aziraphale had really wanted to wound him, he certainly had the vocabulary to do it properly.

"Right," Crowley said. "How can I help?"

"I'm not certain that you can," said Aziraphale. "It's not a huge problem, not really, and I'm not even really that stressed about it. I'm just - oh, what's the word Maggie uses - _processing._ "

Crowley nodded. "I figured it had to be about last night. Ruby was going through a lot. I'll be honest, I slept like a brick because I was so exhausted having to go through that."

"Curious emotion that she had after she went to bed, though, isn't it?" Aziraphale pointed out. "I'm not sure what to make of that."

"Then of course, there's the matter of the, er, things Maggie said last night," Crowley said, hesitantly. "About how maybe she might do...teenager things. Then we find her with some girl."

"Yes, exactly!" Aziraphale said. "Some girl! We don't know what these intentions are!"

"But Ruby says that nothing was going on," Crowley reminded him.

Aziraphale waved this comment away. "We always said nothing was going on, but look at us!"

"Yes, but Ruby wasn't lying."

"Maybe she didn't _know_ she was lying. Maybe she takes after her dear old dad a bit more than we think."

Crowley couldn't help but be amused. "Projecting a bit. Did you _feel_ any strong emotion like that coming off Ruby last night? Think past the anxiety and try to come up with any warm fuzzies."

"There were _some_ warm fuzzies," Aziraphale pointed out. "After she went to bed. Very conflicted warm fuzzies."

"And you're equating them to-"

"The sort I used to feel for you, yes."

Crowley smiled kindly. "Darling, you're projecting just a bit-"

"Morning!" Ruby said, bounding into the kitchen at light speed. Her grin was so bright that it was almost blinding as she gave both of her dads a kiss on the cheek in turn. She took particular care to hug Crowley.

"What's all this for, Hellcat?" Crowley asked, a bit bemused by this display of affection.

"Because I love you," she said cheerfully. She pulled away. "Oh sweet, you made muffins?" 

Aziraphale watched as she began devouring a strawberry muffin. "You're in a suspiciously good mood today, Kitten."

"Oooh suspiciously?" she teased. "You should hire someone to look into that then. Nancy Drew is on the case of the good mood-"

"I'm only suggesting that perhaps it's a little unexpected," said Aziraphale. "You were so upset last night."

Her smile faltered. "Yes, I was, a bit. But I'm over it. I've got the two best dads that anyone's ever had."

"What've we done to deserve such accolades?" asked Aziraphale.

She shrugged. "You just take good care of me and support me and listen to me and you're fun. Well, sometimes. Funny, more like. Well, funny looking, more like." She smirked. "And besides, you love me. You got _very very_ worried about me. I'm not used to being fussed over, but that was really _very_ sweet. 'Ruby, where are you?' 'Ruby, please, we just want to know you're safe, pick up the phone.'"

"Ah," Crowley said. "You listened to our messages. I'd honestly forgotten about them."

"They were very sweet," Ruby smiled. She was trying very hard to seem sarcastic and witty and teasing. It was all to save face, even though she knew they could tell what she was really feeling. " _You_ were very sweet. I listened to those messages - oh, maybe 6 or 7 times. Just to make sure I remember all the funny bits, you know. Think I fell asleep with them playing." She could feel herself on the brink of tears again and was suddenly very embarrassed. She'd just wanted to be the cool one, but she was betraying herself. "Because I'm you're daughter and...and, see, I was so out of it and overwhelmed that I didn't remember I had a phone, so I honestly wasn't worried about you, is the funny thing. It hadn't crossed my mind that you were trying to call me. But you thought...you remembered what I went though and you..." She tried to steady herself. "You wanted me to know that you wouldn't be mad at me or hurt me or throw me out. Because you knew that's what I'd expect from people...So I love you." A few tears leaked from her eyes and she dashed them away furiously. "Look at me, going all dramatic. I'm gonna go take a shower, alright? Will breakfast be ready by then?"

Aziraphale could hardly speak from the weight of something in his chest that felt rather like an ever-expanding water balloon. He nodded. "It should be, yes."

They watched her go.

"So," Crowley said. "Warm fuzzies?"

"I'll admit that I was wrong to jump to conclusions," Aziraphale said. "It's not a crush...It's comfort. It's us. She fell asleep listening to us on a loop, telling her that we loved her."

"Because nobody's ever told her that before," Crowley said. "At least not in a genuine way that she can believe. And now she believes us. Fully."

"Rather a big responsibility."

Crowley nodded. "It is that. But would you trade it?"

"Absolutely not. That girl deserves the world."

"That she does. And we can give it to her."

"So we don't talk to her about the girl?"

"Not until we know more. We shouldn't jump to conclusions. Ruby needs time to figure herself out without us interfering. I don't think the girl is our business until Ruby makes it our business. We have to let her know that we trust her."

"Alright, we won't talk to her about the girl. But should we have a talk with her? About, you know, safety?"

Crowley was still mortified by the possibility. "We probably should. That'll be terrible, I'm not looking forward to that. So you should do it."

Aziraphale's eyebrows shot way up. " _Me?_ Why does it have to be _me?"_

"Because you have all the books and resources."

"Yes, but you're closer to her!"

"Oh don't put that on me, you know you're better at this than I am! Can you imagine me doing this? You had to break it to me that animals need two to reproduce when I couldn't understand why unicorns were extinct!"

And on and on the bickering went, until they finally reached the decision that now was not the time.

...

Ruby had immediately understood that Aziraphale had been stress-baking again, but decided against mentioning that fact. She merely reaped the benefits over breakfast.

"Listen," Aziraphale said. "Crowley and I have been discussing what happened and..."

Ruby raised her eyebrows. "What's with the dramatic pause?"

"It's not a dramatic pause," Aziraphale replied. "I was just expecting you to interrupt."

"Why would I do that?"

"I don't know, that's what you do! This is the part where you don't like us deciding things without you!"

"When have you ever decided things without me?" she asked. "Get on with it already! What's your proposition?"

"Well, we don't know exactly," Aziraphale admitted. "We don't know what would be best for you in this situation. We want you to know that you don't have to go back to school now if it'll be too stressful. If all that was too much, we can pull you and begin home schooling again. However, we'll also support you if you want to go back. It's up to you. There's no pressure. We want you to do what'll make you happy."

"I've been thinking about that too," said Ruby. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I want to be here. With you guys. Being out there is so, I dunno, lonely. I'm so different all the time, can't really be fully me. And if I don't go back, I can dedicate time to properly helping the ghost."

"It's up to you," said Crowley. "You have the weekend to decide." He changed his tone completely. "But that's _all_ the time you get, young lady! Do you understand me?"

Ruby tilted her chin defiantly. "You can't tell me what to do!"

"I can and I will!" he said. "And while I'm at it, no more seeing that Selwyn girl! Humans are strictly off limits!"

Ruby slammed her hands on the table as she stood up. "I _hate_ you! You're the _worst!_ I'll never forgive you for this!" She stormed out of the room.

The ghost had appeared several moments earlier, but at the sight of this display thought it best to make her presence known. "Sorry, I was just stopping in to check on Ruby. Should I go?"

Aziraphale shook his head and cast his eyes to the sky in exasperation. He held up a hand and counted down with his fingers. "Three...two...one."

Ruby ducked back into the room, grinning from ear to ear and giggling up a storm. Crowley was laughing too.

"It's a ritual with them," Aziraphale explained. "Things get a bit too sappy for them and they need to joke around a bit. She pretends to be a teenager from a movie, he pretends to be the dad. It works because they say things they'd never say and act very over the top so you can obviously tell they're joking. It clears the air. They do this once a week lately."

"Oi!" Ruby replied. "It's been very stressful lately."

"And the system works," said Crowley.

"Here to do some more research?" Ruby asked the ghost.

"I mean if that's what you want to do," said the ghost. "But things were sorta bad last night, so if you wanted to maybe relax a bit more that'd be swell too."

Ruby just looked at the ghost. "You know, Crowley, sometimes listening to this chick talk makes me just wanna..."

"Watch 'Chicago'?" Crowley finished for her.

"How did you know?" she asked him.

"Everything makes you want to watch 'Chicago', she's just an easy target." A slow smile began creeping over Crowley face. "Name of deceased: Fred Casely."

Ruby frowned. "Fred Casely? How can he be a burglar? My wife knows him! He sold us our furniture...He gave us ten percent off."

Aziraphale sipped his tea and rolled his eyes. "Lord knows they ain't got the smarts," he added as an aside to the ghost.

"You told me he was a burglar!" Ruby said.

"You mean he was dead when you got home?" asked Crowley.

Ruby's voice became more heated with each word. "She had him covered with a sheet! And she's giving me some cock-and-bull story about this burglar! And I ought to say I did it because I was sure to get off! 'Help me, Amos,' she says, 'it's my goddamn hour of need!'"

"Is this part of the picture?" whispered the ghost.

"You just have to let them get on with it," Aziraphale insisted.

Ruby chose then to start singing, passion rising with each syllable even though she somehow never managed to be in key. "Now he shot off his trap!"

Crowley joined in with her.

"I _can't stand that sap!"_

Ruby climbed on the table.

"Hey, hey, not on the table-" Aziraphale protested.

But she ignored him as they kept singing, terribly and off key. "Look at him go!" She pointed at Aziraphale. " _Ratting_ on me! With just one more brain what a _half-wit_ he'd be!"

"I resent that!" Aziraphale piped up, not at all engaging with the song anymore.

"If they string me up!" she continued. "Well I'll know who brought the twine!" She sang the next part by herself. "That scummy!"

Crowley piped up. "Crummy!"

Her turn. "Dummy!" 

Then together. "Hubby of miiiiiine!"

Ruby jumped off the table. "Oh this is gonna be good, this movie gets better every time I watch it." She took off toward the living room before turning on heel and looking at the ghost. "Well? Are you coming?"

"I can come?" asked the ghost.

"It's Chicago," Ruby said. "I'd never deprive someone of the greatest musical ever written."

"It's also, coincidentally, set in the 1920s," added Crowley.

"Besides," Ruby smiled before attempting to sing again. "I can't do it alone."

...

Ruby had made Crowley watch this movie with her so many times that, by now, she wasn't the only one quoting and singing and miming along with it. 

"I only saw the film once before I met Ruby," he admitted. "But I'll confess that I did model myself a bit after Billy Flynn when I was handling her murder trial."

"All Crowley cares about is loooove," Ruby teased. "That's what he's here for."

"That was a good film though," said the ghost. "Boy, they sure do make em flashy now, don't they?"

"Well I'm famished," Aziraphale said. "Shall I prepare some lunch?"

"I'll help," said Crowley. He didn't like staying still this long and his legs were falling asleep.

Ruby turned to the ghost and regarded her carefully. "You know, we'll have to give you a name if you're gonna keep hanging around here. I can't keep calling you 'the ghost' all the time."

"What did you have in mind?" asked the ghost.

"Nothing, really," she admitted. "You can even pick it yourself, if you want. I picked my name, Crowley picked his. It's only fair."

The ghost shrugged. "I'm not bothered about it, to be honest. Just give me whatever you think would work."

"Are you sure? Names are sort of personal, I don't want to give you anything you won't like."

"I won't accept it if I don't like it. Just try what you like, see what works."

This was a lot of pressure. "Uh...okay? How about..." She picked the freshest name on her mind. "Miss Cellophane?"

The ghost raised her eyebrows. "Cuz you can look right through me, walk right by me, and never know I'm there? I can relate, but I don't think so. Sort of a mouthful, ain't it?"

"Okay, okay, fair enough," Ruby said. "Oh! There's a ghost named Sally on Being Human!"

"What's Being Human?"

"Right, you can't appreciate the reference, never mind. How about...?" She thought really hard. "Oh I dunno! I wanna try out something poetic, something that has some kinda meaning! Maybe a name for a ghost or another word for ghost. I mean, hell, why not go all in? What about Lethe?"

Aziraphale had been listening from the other room. "Surprisingly poignant, my dear," said Aziraphale.

"Why?" asked the ghost. "What's it mean?"

"In Greek mythology," explained Aziraphale. "Lethe was a spirit - a sort of personification of forgetfulness and oblivion. She had an association with the river Lethe which was said to flow through the underworld. If you drank from those waters, you were said to experience total forgetfulness. In Classical Greek, the word itself literally means 'concealment' or 'oblivion' or 'forgetfulness'. It shares common etymology with the Greek word for 'truth' - aletheia."

"I sort of like that," the ghost said. She sounded it out. "Lee-thee."

"You can't be serious," Ruby said. "I was joking."

"I think it works," said the ghost. "Lethe."

"Seriously?"

"Are you making fun of my name?" asked Lethe. "I'll pop you one for that, you just watch me."

"I will, because I'd like to see you try!" Ruby teased. "I'd actually be impressed if you can make yourself corporeal enough to toggle a light switch!"

"Oh you have it coming!" teased Lethe. 

"Now you're getting it!" laughed Ruby.

"So are you going to be Lethe or Aletheia?" asked Aziraphale. "Personally, I think Aletheia has a better ring to it."

"Too many syllables," said Lethe. "Feel like I've gotta earn that one."

"Fair enough," said Aziraphale, who felt he'd earned every syllable of his name.

"But this is just great, isn't it?" Ruby asked Lethe. "I mean we can just do this all the time now. We can dedicate all our time to research and watching movies that you haven't seen."

"So you've decided not to go back to school?" she asked.

Ruby hesitated. "I dunno. But this is sorta fun, isn't it? Two dead girls watching movies."

"Yeah, but you're not dead," said Lethe. "Not like I am, anyway. You've still got air in your lungs, and I think you shouldn't waste that. Don't get me wrong, this was fun, and I want to do more of it. But don't turn yourself into a ghost just because you're scared of the living. Oh what I wouldn't give just to be one of those Vaudeville girls, dancing like that..."

"You think you wanted to be a dancer?" asked Ruby. "Before, I mean?"

The ghost thought about it then nodded slowly. "I think I did. I really do. Whenever I even think about dancing, I just get sorta...And maybe your thing isn't dancing, but you wanna be up there, same as me. You don't want to waste that chance and end up like me, do ya? Don't let some dame getcha down. But it's up to you, of course. I'm only saying, if I was in your shoes, I wouldn't waste a bit of life. I'd give 'em a show. Give 'em the old razzle dazzle!"

"Yeah," Ruby said, slowly. "Yeah, you know what? I think you're right. I'll razzle dazzle 'em."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some of you who haven't been through trauma may be like 'they've shown Ruby multiple times that they love her and they've said it too, so why do you keep going back over it like it's new information'. It's very important to me to show her trauma realistically, and after all she's been through she has trouble believing that anyone could ever love her. So she needs to be shown repeatedly and consistently before she can trust it. And now she does, so we can move on from the domestic fluff for the moment. People with our specific kind of early childhood trauma have attachment issues that will frequently make her doubt her relationships with people, but at least now she's getting a stable foundation to return to.
> 
> And while I'm here, I'm gonna be doing something a bit different for the rest of this final installment of the As Heaven is Wide series. There are two OC relationship dynamics which are set in stone (I won't say which), but the rest are variable. If you like a particular character pairing (whether romantically or platonically), let me know and I'll do more building on that. The more specific you are about why you like those two and where you'd like to see it go, the better! Hell, if you even want to write an adventure or a storyline, we can pretend this is a real TV show and this is a writers room! You'll even get credit! I'm doing more of a Buffy thing with this story, in that I'm trying to talk about real issues facing teenagers by using supernatural metaphors. I have this kind of idea in my head that all supernatural teen dramas tend to start out with characters who are pretty normal then have the responsibility and trauma thrust on them, so I want to write the opposite - a story about teenagers who were already traumatized and/or having teenager problems and gradually healing from them and learning about the magic of life. So you can participate in this in any way you'd like. I'm particularly interested in talking to writers of color, deaf writers, nonbinary writers, and intersex writers because we're going to be doing A Lot going forward and I'd like to try to get diverse writers to work with me to make this the Opposite Sunnydale (in that it's more representative of the world and can help more teenagers feel less alone). So whether you just leave a comment to tell me your preference or you want to participate in writing, I'm all for it! Collaboration is a real driving force of creativity, and I'd enjoy your help!


	17. I Could if I Wanted To

"You don't have to do this," Aziraphale said.

"I know," Ruby smiled.

"If it's too much," added Crowley. "Say the word and we'll come get you."

She nodded and hugged both of them. 

"It's fine," she insisted. "I'm fine. I know that you can feel that I'm anxious, but it's nothing I can't handle, alright?"

She loved having overprotective dads who supported every decision she made. It was weird and she wasn't used to it, but she enjoyed it so much. Just the knowledge that they were there for her made it so much easier for her to do what she felt she had to do.

...

She was largely ignored as she collected her books from her locker. It was, after all, a Monday morning. The first day of school excitement had largely worn off and most people were just in a routine. She'd purposely arrived mere minutes before classes were due to start, in an effort to avoid talking to anyone.

She entered her Cold Reading class just before the bell. She made accidental eye contact with Chell before moving to sit in the back of the class again. Ruby kept her head down and did the work. She was worried that if she talked to anyone that they'd remember what happened at the party. Sure it was all fine to theorize that she had activated a defense mechanism, but Ruby was afraid that it was little more than a theory. 

...

She took her packed lunch to her usual spot outside under the old oak tree. She liked it out there. It was calm. Peaceful. There was a distinct lack of pressure to associate and relate to other people her age. She could actually think without wondering if she was being perceived.

"There you are. Been looking everywhere for you."

Ruby barely repressed a sigh as she looked up to see Selwyn standing there awkwardly. "Why?"

"I dunno," she shrugged. "Wondered if you were alright. I was gonna reach out sooner, but like they said you're not on social."

"So you remember that?" asked Ruby.

She nodded. "Don't think anyone else does though. They get real weird about it."

"Weird how?"

"I dunno, just weird, I guess. Listen, I just wanted to be sure you're alright."

"Why do you care?"

"I dunno," she said again. "Guess you're sort of more pathetic than I expected."

"Gee, thanks."

"I didn't mean it like that. You're just not that bad. At least, I don't think you are."

"You hardly know me. You'll change your mind."

"I do sometimes," she admitted. "But I'm usually so indecisive in the first place that once I make up my mind it's been thought through enough. Which reminds me that I haven't made up my mind about you yet. But listen, I noticed that you haven't put your name on any of the audition sign up sheets-"

"Wait, you 'noticed'?" Ruby asked. "How? Were you checking all the sign up sheets for my name?"

Selwyn immediately flushed, embarrassed to be caught out, but then doubled down. "Yeah, so? I signed up for almost everything so why wouldn't I want to see who I might be working with? Anyway, you need to get on some sign ups. You can't just not audition for anything. That's all." 

Selwyn hurried away, leaving Ruby to finish her lunch. 

To Ruby's credit, she'd think about the sign up sheets and would actually end up going to stand in front of the bulletin board. The problem was that there were so many options that she couldn't quite bring herself to sign up for anything. She did notice that Selwyn was signed up for nearly everything.

...

Tuesday arrived and Ruby's Shakespeare class was as fascinating as usual.

"Which brings us to your assignment," said Miss Zima at the end of class. "I know it's audition week, so I'm giving you precisely a week to complete it. I've graded your papers from last Thursday, and I've graded them accordingly. Miss Rose, would you mind passing them out for me?" Selwyn was clearly very pleased to have been chosen for this task and rose promptly to help. Miss Zima continued her explanation as Selwyn passed them out. "You'll see that, in addition to your score on the paper, I've given you each an additional note. This note will reveal your partner for the next assignment - that's right, you'll have to be in pairs. I've partnered you up based on your work, so each of you has someone on about your level of present comprehension of the material. Your assignment is to pick any two characters from Shakespeare's works and write a scene with them interacting. Iambic pentameter isn't required - though some prosaic quality would be encouraged. My personal preference is that you try to modernize it a bit or at least play with the scene. It should be at least three pages in length, but no more than five." The bell rang and the light flashed, indicating the end of class. "This is due a week from today, so I'd go ahead and find my partner and get out of work if I were you."

Selwyn handed Ruby her paper and Ruby read the "B" with some semblance of pride. She wasn't used to getting such good grades in school, but then again she wasn't used to applying herself. She noticed that Selwyn was still standing next to her desk.

"Can I help you?" asked Ruby. 

"You're gonna have to," Selwyn replied, sighing heavily. "Look at your note."

Ruby had been nervous as soon as she'd heard that they were gonna have to be paired, but looking at the note caused a whole new level of anxiety. She looked up at Selwyn.

"You might as well walk me to our next class, partner," Selwyn said dryly.

...

"So I guess we'd better start throwing ideas," Selwyn said as they hurried to the dance studio where the Stage Movement class was located. 

"Well I don't have any," said Ruby.

"Me neither." They arrived at the class and Selwyn pulled out her phone. "Here, give me your number."

"What?"

"So I can text you mine," Selwyn said, patiently. "We're gonna need to think up a place to work on this. I don't wanna be look dumb in front of Miss Zima."

Ruby zeroed in on her expression. "Miss Zima's cool, isn't she?"

Selwyn smiled, almost in spite of herself. "Yeah, real cool. Real nice, too. I just don't wanna let her down or anything..."

"Uh-huh," Ruby said. They got to work putting out their mats.

"Hey, it's Ruby Fell!" said Nick, entering just at that moment. 

"Where've you been?" Max asked. "You ran out of that party in such a hurry."

"And we noticed you're not on any sign-up sheets," Nick added.

Selwyn raised her eyebrows at Ruby. "You're still not signed up for anything?"

Ruby shrugged. "I just don't want to commit to anything til I'm sure, is all."

"You should put your mat down next to ours today," Max said. 

"So Max can talk you into signing up for Grimm Brothers," said Nick.

"That's not my only motive," Max said, pretending to be stung. "It's just the most important one."

...

Freya held Ruby behind after class. 

"I just wanted to make sure you're adjusting alright," she said. "I wanted to talk to you about it last week, but you rushed out so quickly."

"Fine," Ruby insisted. "I mean, I'm adjusting fine. Why? Did someone say something?"

"Nobody said anything," Freya said. "I just know it might be a bit overwhelming, especially with auditions coming up. I noticed you haven't put your name on any sheets-"

"Jeez, what's with everyone and these sheets?" Ruby demanded. "It's fine, I'm just going over my options."

"Well go over them quickly," Freya said. "You only have until end of day Thursday. You know, if you need a little extra help getting ready, I'm available to help."

"Thanks," she said. "I'll think about it."

...

"I hate group projects," Ruby said. "They're always so awkward. I'm always the girl nobody wants to be partnered with, so it's like torture."

"Did you not get picked?" asked Aziraphale, who was frankly offended at the notion that anyone wouldn't choose his daughter.

"No, that's not the problem," Ruby said. "We were assigned partners."

"And you were partnered with someone who wasn't ideal?"

"I mean, being partnered at all isn't ideal. I know she's just stuck with me."

"Oh come now, I'm sure that isn't true. Did this person _say_ she feels stuck with you?"

"No, but she must be too Welsh and polite to say something," Ruby grumbled. "I mean that's the stereotype, right? That Welsh people are polite? I don't know British things."

"Who were you partnered with, dear?"

She hesitated before looking away and muttering something.

"What was that, dear?" asked Aziraphale.

She sighed. "I'm sort of...partnered with Selwyn. The girl you saw me with before."

"Ah," Aziraphale said. "Well that's, I mean, that could be advantageous, could it not? Since you don't have to worry as much about accidentally using magic since she knows?"

"I'm supposed to text her back," Ruby said. "We have to work out a meeting place to work. She doesn't want to meet at her place for whatever reason. I'm thinking I should just suggest the library-"

"Nonsense, you'll invite her here," Aziraphale said.

Ruby squinted at him. "I'll do what?"

"Invite her here," Aziraphale repeated. "We'll make some tea and can advise as needed."

"But...why?" Ruby asked slowly. "I mean that can't be a good idea."

"Of course it is," Aziraphale replied. "We're just _dying_ to meet your partner - aren't we, Crowley?" He directed this at Crowley, who had been trying to stay out of the discussion. 

"Er, yeah," Crowley said. "We'd love to meet your partner."

Ruby winced. "Don't call her that."

"What?" asked Aziraphale, innocently.

"My partner," Ruby repeated. "Don't call her that. Selwyn's not my partner."

"Mhm, right, of course, of course she isn't," Aziraphale said breezily. "But you will invite her over? Perhaps on Saturday?"

Ruby was very on the fence about this idea. "I'll see what she says," she said, doubtfully. "If you think it's best."

...

Selwyn cornered Ruby at her locker on Wednesday morning.

"We should get to work during lunch today," Selwyn said. "Under the same tree as before? Good. That's settled." She took off before Ruby had a chance to protest.

...

Selwyn sat next to Ruby and immediately began pulling out books.

"What are all these?" Ruby asked warily.

"What does it look like?" asked Selwyn, obliviously. "Complete works of William Shakespeare. Went on a library run this morning. We need to start throwing out ideas. What are you most familiar with?"

"Uh, Hamlet, I guess. That and Much Ado About Nothing."

"Okay, good places to start." She immediately picked up a volume of Much Ado About Nothing and flipped it open. "So I'm guessing you're going to do Taming of the Shrew? Not for the project, just because everyone's trying to sign up for that one."

"I haven't decided yet," Ruby answered truthfully.

Selwyn peered at her over the top of her glasses. "But you've signed up for something, right?" 

"Er, not exactly, no."

Selwyn closed the book. "You've gotta sign up for something! You can't be here and not work on something! I mean it's Wednesday! What are you doing not being signed up by Wednesday!" She got to her feet. "C'mon, let's go to the Green Room and sort this once and for all!"

...

Selwyn dragged her to the Green Room.

"Well?" Selwyn said, impatiently. "What jumps out at you?"

Ruby stood awkwardly in front of the bulletin board. "I don't know. It's _a lot_ to pick from."

Selwyn sighed. "Well you've gotta pick. I understand having trouble making decisions, but if you're not signed up you'll miss the deadline."

She caught sight of a long list that was almost full of people. "A lot of people want to do Taming of the Shrew, huh?"

"It's Quinn's whole deal," Selwyn said. "Everyone wants to be carried along with that."

"She's that good?"

"Yeah, guess so. I mean, you can't be bad and have an ego like that."

"Well, I'm here to do Shakespeare after all."

She wrote her name on that list before her eye was caught by a list that only had 4 names on it. It was for something called the Brother's Grimm Spectaculathon.

"Is this Max's thing?" she asked.

Selwyn saw what she was looking at. "Yeah. It's actually a really funny script. I'm looking forward to running tech on it."

"Nobody's signed up except you four," Ruby said.

"Yeah," Selwyn replied. "I know it's making Max nervous that there's a lack of interest, but we sort of expected it. It's not a well-known play and Quinn's not attached..."

"But it's funny?" Ruby asked.

"Yeah. Really witty. It tells all the Grimm Brothers stories, but with the original ending and not the Disney versions."

Ruby kind of liked the sound of that. "Well sign me up, then." She added her name to the list.

...

The following day, Ruby and Selwyn met under the tree to discuss the project. Ruby still hadn't been brave enough to bring up the subject of Saturday.

They were tracked down by Max, Nick, and Chell.

"Oi!" Max said. "You! Ruby!"

Ruby sighed. "Right, what've I done now?"

"You signed up for my play!" Max said. "Lots of people are seeing you on the list and they're starting to sign up too! Not as many as are on Taming of the Shrew, but a few people anyway!"

"Because of me?" Ruby asked. "That doesn't make sense, why would people sign up because of me?"

"I dunno, you're the mysterious new girl," Max shrugged. "Everyone's sort of curious to see what you've got, I guess."

"We're just a little surprised that you signed up," said Nick.

"Why?" asked Ruby.

"Thought you didn't like us much," said Chell. "Thought you were avoiding us."

"Oh," said Ruby. "No, I mean, I wasn't."

"You eat out here by yourself though," Max pointed out. "We thought maybe we somehow offended you."

"I just didn't want to assume that I was, y'know, part of the group," Ruby said. "I don't really do friends."

"Fine, okay," said Max. "We won't be friends if that makes you feel better. But you can still have lunch with us. In fact you should now. I'm not guaranteeing you'll be cast in my play, but I want to at least discuss it with you before auditions tomorrow. So c'mon then!"

Selwyn and Ruby looked at each other helplessly and followed the group into the cafeteria.

"So," Nick said slowly. "Not that this is the only reason I agreed to let you come to lunch, but you don't happen to have more of that pudding...?"


	18. No Ego

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 1 year anniversary of the TV series!

"Why is it that you're more nervous auditioning for a school play than you were auditioning to get into the school in the first place?"

Ruby rolled her eyes, but had to admit that Crowley had a point. She propped her feet against the back of his seat, knowing how much he hated the idea that she'd scuff them but also knowing that she had no other moves to indicate sullenness from the backseat of the Bentley.

"I dunno," she admitted. "I guess it's just, like...what if I don't get a part? What if they realize they made a mistake and I'm really a hack?"

" _You_ are _not_ a hack," Aziraphale insisted. "Don't sell yourself short like that!"

"Alright, but would selling myself tall really make much of a difference if I'm a no-good sell-out hack anyway?" she grumbled.

"Hey, you're _not_ a sell-out!" Crowley said. "I mean, you've gotta _do_ something first to be a sell-out. Sell-out implies you're already a somebody."

She put her head in her hands. "Oh my god..."

Crowley took both hands off the wheel. "What? What did I say?" He looked helplessly at Aziraphale. "Am I not helping?"

Aziraphale patted him on the arm. "The important thing is that you're trying, dear."

They pulled up in front of the school and Crowley turned around to look at her.

"You don't have to go through with this if you don't want to," he reminded her for the millionth time.

She looked up at him. "You don't think I can do this?"

"I didn't say that," he said. "I think if anyone can do it, you can."

" _If_ anyone can do it? That implies you think it's damn near impossible!"

"No, that's not what I meant-"

Aziraphale jumped in at that moment. "What Crowley's trying to say, Ruby, is that we have complete faith in you. We just don't want to put undue pressure on you. We support you no matter what. Now, to business. You've got your monologues prepared?"

She tapped her forehead. "Filed away, at the ready. Thanks for helping me pick em."

"Would you like to go over them again?" Aziraphale asked.

She shook her head. "I'm all nerves. Besides, gotta go to class."

"What time's your audition?" Crowley asked.

"Directly after classes let out," Ruby explained. "I don't know how long they'll take, though. Max said Quinn signed up early and got the main auditorium, so I have to head there first then jump over to the Brothers Grimm auditions that are apparently gonna happen in Dance Studio B."

"You'll text us when it's over?"

"I'll probably still text you when it's happening," Ruby said. "Nerves."

"You have nothing to be nervous about," said Aziraphale. "Nothing whatsoever."

She smiled at him. "Thanks." She opened the door.

"Oh and Ruby?"

She stopped with one foot out the door.

"What time can we expect Selwyn tomorrow?"

Ruby glanced away. "Er, well, I actually, ah, haven't asked her yet, exactly."

Aziraphale had expected this. "Well you'd better ask her, hadn't you? It's no good expecting her to turn up if she hasn't even been invited!"

"Dad, are you sure about this?" she asked, nerves showing through. "You really want a mortal in our house?"

Crowley laughed. "A _mortal!_ A _mortal_ is it now?"

"Adorable," Aziraphale nodded.

This irritated her slightly. "You know what a mean. Humans. You'd let a human into our house?"

"We let you in," Aziraphale pointed out.

"Yeah but I'm different," she insisted.

"Oh listen to her, Aziraphale," Crowley teased. "She's _different,_ she's _special._ She's _God's gift to humanity."_

She narrowed her eyes. "You know I didn't mean it like that, but yeah, you know what? I am."

"You need to invite Selwyn over, Ruby," Aziraphale said. "We trust your judgment about her, which is why we'd like to meet her."

...

Ruby collected her books from her locker and listened to the people all around her. From the sound of the monologues they were practicing, most of them were working on auditioning for The Taming of the Shrew as well. 

"Steep competition, eh?" asked Freya, making Ruby jump. She hadn't noticed the teacher appear. "You've got nothing to worry about."

"I know that," she said, sullenly.

"Listen, if you wanted some extra help, maybe some extra guidance before the audition-"

"I don't need it, it's fine," Ruby said, closing her locker. "I've been working it out all night, I'll be fine. I don't need more help than anyone else."

"I didn't mean to imply that you did," said Freya. "But you know it's not a bad thing to need the extra help-"

Ruby put her free hand on her hip, keeping her books pressed to her chest with her other hand. "Did Maggie tell you to check on me? Is that what this is?"

Freya seemed embarrassed to be caught out. "She just suggested that maybe I could offer some extra help."

"Is this because of what happened at the mixer?"

"She didn't say. What happened at the mixer?"

Ruby sighed. "Nothing, not really. She thinks I had a panic attack. People were asking me too many questions and now they're not anymore. I can take care of myself. I'm not some kid. An audition is hardly scary compared to what I've been through."

"I'm sure that's true," Freya replied. "But if you need help, don't hesitate to reach out."

...

Ruby was the only person at lunch who wasn't rehearsing some monologue or other, but was instead devoting her attention to eating the spring rolls that Aziraphale had made for her lunch.

"It's still not a whole lot of people, but it's something," Max said, looking over the audition list.

"All thanks to Ruby," said Nick.

"I still don't understand that," Ruby said. "What do I have to do with anything? I'm not relevant. Hardly anybody talks to me."

"Just because they don't talk _to_ you doesn't mean they don't talk _about_ you," said Selwyn.

Ruby narrowed her eyes. "Gee, that's comforting, thanks."

"No, she's right," said Max. "A lot of people are very curious about you, coming out of nowhere like you did. That doesn't happen in the performing department. Sure if you're here just to write or direct, sometimes someone comes out of nowhere. But if you're performing, we'd be sure to see you around..." A curious look took hold behind Max's eyes before they cleared. "We've all seen you in classes, and you seem pretty smart. It's not enough to make a lot of people flock away from Quinn's Shakespeare thing, but for some people...Well, we just want to see what you've got."

Ruby and Selwyn exchanged a look. Ruby now understood what Selwyn meant about people getting weird when they tried to think too hard about her. 

"So are you guys doing The Taming of the Shrew?" Ruby asked, taking a sip of the strawberry banana smoothie that Aziraphale had made for her. 

A round of barely repressed laughter passed over the table.

"No," Max said. "No, we're not. We're not even trying."

"Why not?"

"It's a Quinn thing," Chell said.

"And did you see who her faculty advisor is?" asked Nick. 

"No," Ruby said. "Who's she got?"

"Sloughtner," said Max, Nick, and Chell in unison.

"Oh." Ruby had only had his class for 2 weeks now, but she suddenly understood. "That's sure to be a bundle of fun, then. Why wouldn't they just get Miss Zima to do it? She's the Shakespeare lady, right?"

"Yeah, I mean, sure," said Chell. "For intro classes. Sloughtner takes the higher level Shakespeare classes."

"From what I hear, he takes all the fun out of it," said Nick.

"He would do, yeah," said Ruby.

"His interpretations are very strict," complained Chell. "Very dry."

"One of those purists?" asked Ruby.

Chell nodded. "Exactly. Besides, even without that, there's no way any of us would be good parts."

"We're just the help," said Max.

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Ruby.

"It's a Quinn thing," Max explained. "Even if she's not doing the casting, she'll be the lead. And you'll notice that the white people always get the leads."

"We're lucky to have lines at all," said Chell.

"I don't mind being behind the scenes," said Max. "But I'll never play secondary character to Quinn Templeton. Never again."

"But isn't it supposed to go to festival?" asked Ruby. "I mean, that's the reason everyone's jumping on it, right?"

"Sure," said Nick. "But I refuse to sell out."

Ruby thought back to Crowley's statement that she couldn't sell out if she was still a nobody.

"I-I'm working on Taming of the Shrew," Selwyn piped up tentatively. 

The mocking faces suddenly disappeared.

"Well it's okay if you do it, Selwyn," said Chell. "You work on everything anyway."

"Really?" Selwyn asked.

"Yeah, sure," Chell insisted. "It's fine."

...

Ruby wanted to pace anxiously, but was keenly aware that there were people around. She kept glancing up from her monologue sheet and catching people looking at her. She suspected that Max was right about being a source of some intrigue and speculation. She wasn't sure she liked it.

Most of the school was out for this audition, so Ruby was called to audition last. It was her own fault, after all. She'd waited so long to try out. 

Quinn had provided the monologues, so Ruby hadn't had to think about anything. Crowley had seemed to indicate that perhaps he wasn't the biggest fan of this particular play, but when pressed had merely said he didn't want to spoil it for her. It had surprised both parents to know this was one of the ones she hadn't yet read.

Ruby made her way to the same stage she'd auditioned in the first time.

"Hi, I'm Ruby Fell," she said. "I'm not auditioning for any particular part, I'm happy with anything." 

It occurred to her then that this didn't sound like the most confident thing to say, but she honestly didn't have an opinion one way or the other.

...

Ruby hurried to Dance Studio B, which was Freya's studio. She found Max, Nick, and Chell sitting by the wall.

"Oh thank god, I thought you'd left already!" Ruby said.

Max looked up. "Ruby! We were starting to think you weren't coming!"

"I was the last to audition," Ruby said. "My own fault, I signed up last."

"Need some water?" Freya asked, coming out of the changing room with a bottle of water. 

"Thanks, yeah," Ruby said, downing the entire bottle in one go.

"Bit nervous?" asked Nick, amusement evident. "Because we didn't have that many try-outs, so you're almost guaranteed." 

Max nudged him with her elbow. "You still have to try out first."

Ruby looked around. "Where's Selwyn?" she asked.

"She doesn't have to be here," Max said. "She's tech. Besides, she gets nervous if you ask her to give an opinion. Always thinks she'll say the wrong thing and hurt someone's feelings."

"I think we should wrap up auditions after Ruby's done," said Freya. "Call it a day."

"Are you the faculty advisor on this one?" asked Ruby.

"Of course," Freya said. "Max approached me directly. It's not a musical, but I could do with something I don't have to choreograph for once."

"Whenever you're ready, Ruby," said Max, commanding silence with those three words.

Ruby nodded and stepped a few paces forward to where she approximated center stage would be if this was a stage. She took a breath and handed the empty bottle to Freya.

"Hi, I'm Ruby Fell, and I'm auditioning for the witch in Hansel and Gretel."

Nick held up a hand. "The witch? Really? A bit part with hardly any lines?" Max shushed him. "No, I'm serious, I haven't seen her do much, but she's selling herself a little short here-"

"Let's just see what she's got, okay, Nick?" Max said, not taking her eyes of Ruby. "You may begin."

"Is it okay that I picked one from Buffy?" Ruby asked.

"We'll allow it," said Nick. "Long as it's not the 'ready to be strong' speech, because I don't see how that translates to this play."

"Again with the 'ready to be strong' speech!" Ruby complained. "I haven't _gotten_ that far yet, no spoilers!"

"Whenever you're ready, Ruby," Freya said patiently.

"Okay, right," Ruby said, taking a deep breath. She closed her eyes, settling into the neutral position that Freya had taught her. She opened her eyes again.

"Funny," she said. "'Cause I look around at this world your so eager to be a part of.. and all I see is 6 billion lunatics looking for the fastest ride out. Who's not crazy? Look around. Everyone's drinking, smoking, shooting up, or shooting each other, or just plain screwing their brain outs 'cause they don't want them anymore. I'm crazy? Honey, I'm the original one-eyed chicklet in the kingdom of the blind, cause at least I admit the world makes me nuts."

She blinked and came back to herself. "Or something like that, anyway," she said sheepishly.

"A Glorificus speech," said Nick, appreciatively. "Wasn't expecting that."

"She's always surprising," said Freya.

"We'll get back to you," Max said.

...

Chell caught Ruby just as she was walking out of the door.

"Hey, I was just..." She looked a bit nervous. "I was wondering if I could talk to you real quick?"

Ruby nodded. "Yeah, sure, why?"

"Just, like, about Selwyn," said Chell. "You are being careful with her, aren't you?"

Ruby tilted her head to the side. "Careful? Why?"

Chell realized she might be saying too much. "It's not really my place to say, just...She's fragile. Okay?"

"I don't know what you're worried about specifically, but it's not like that. We're just partnered together on a project for Miss Zima's class, we're not even friends really."

"Just be careful, alright? Please? I don't feel comfortable saying more than that, because it's not my business."

Ruby still didn't understand. "Yeah, okay? I'll be careful."

...

Ruby began walking to the parking lot and took out her phone to text her dads. That's when she saw her.

"Selwyn!" she said. "You're here late!"

Selwyn froze. "Yeah, guess so," she said. "How were auditions?"

She waved a hand dismissively. "Fine, fine. I mean, I doubt I'll be cast in anything, but that's not...Look, we need to talk about our project. We can't keep only working on it during lunch. My dads are insisting I ask you over tomorrow and we can work on it then."

"Your dads?" she repeated slowly. "They know about me? Wait of course they do, they saw me..." Her eyes widened. "This isn't some thing where you invite me over to kill me because I know the secret, right?"

"What? _No!_ Why am I still surprised that you jump to the _worst_ conclusion?"

"You said they're overprotective-"

"Yeah but they trust me. They just want to meet you. That's all. We can even pick you up-"

"I can take the bus, it's fine."

"Right. Okay. What time?"


	19. When I'm With You

The eagle eyed reader among us may well be thinking by now: But what of Aziraphale and Crowley? How have they spent their days over these past weeks? It's all fine to focus on Ruby, but what of her parents? Well, dear perceptive reader, if you can forgive the deviation from our pre-established format, I'm going to tell you.

It all started one fateful Thursday, with an empty nest.

"No, Aziraphale, there weren't any eggs in it, I'm telling you, this is exactly how I found it."

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows and stood with his thumbs hooked in the pockets of his vest, fixing his husband with a steady gaze that Crowley always found alarmingly attractive by virtue of implied threat. "There were birds in it before," he replied patiently. "Little collared dove eggs. Now there aren't any."

"They hatched," Crowley replied. "Flew away." He mimed flying away just in case Aziraphale needed a visual aid for his not-at-all-suspicious assertion. "Bit late in the year for eggs to be lying around anyway, isn't it?"

Aziraphale didn't blink, didn't move a muscle, didn't give any movement of expression that would indicate any mood whatsoever. "Collared doves nest year round."

"Ah. Well." Crowley resisted the urge to tug on his collar. Aziraphale noticed the twitch of his arm, but gave no real indication of this. "As I said. Flew away."

"Yes, so you've said," he replied evenly. "Oh by the way, you have a tiny bit of shell on your shirt there. Bit sloppy."

Crowley's eyes widened as he realized that, of course, Aziraphale had known all along. Of course he had. Why had Crowley thought he could get away with that? "Ah, well, yes, it seems I have a bit, thanks." He brushed it off of him. "Sorry."

Aziraphale took a breath. "No, don't apologize. It's in your nature. I'm just grateful you didn't swallow them whole in front of me this time."

"Well, after the debacle with the mice, I thought it was best," Crowley shrugged.

He arched an eyebrow. "The mice, Crowley? If you think the mice were the only suspect part of that, you've got a very selective memory."

_A few days prior to this conversation, Ruby had caught Crowley during a molting period. This was totally natural and normal for a snake demon, but she hadn't at all been prepared for it. It would be one thing if he'd only molted in snake form, but no...the silly serpent had to go and shed his human skin as well. Aziraphale wasn't fond of this, so relegated him to the green house for the event. This suited Crowley just fine - this was, after all, an intensely private thing he had to go through about once a century._

_Ruby hadn't known any of this. She had become excited by how well her fairy ring of amanita muscaria was coming out and had rushed to the greenhouse to show him._

_"Hey, Crowley, you've gotta see..."_

_She'd stopped short, mouth hanging slightly agape. There Crowley stood, shedding his entire body like a translucent snake skin while another entire body was emerging torso-first out of the mouth. He hadn't emerged all the way, but was holding a still-wriggling white mouse over the jaws of his new mouth as if poised to eat it._

_"Ruby," he said. "I know this is a bit...I can explain...Let me just put this mouse down..." He dropped the mouse into his mouth and swallowed it whole. Ruby recoiled at this sight of body horror. "Sorry," he apologized. "I really did mean to let it go..."_

_"You eat...mice?" she asked slowly. This was clearly the issue she felt most ready to tackle first. "More importantly...Why keep eating it in front of me when you clearly knew it would be very very gross?"_

_"Habit," he shrugged. "I was hungry...Listen, can we talk about this later?"_

_"I'd prefer it if we did," she'd replied. "I'm gonna...go call Maggie." She backed away. "I think I should process this before it becomes a trauma memory, you know?"_

_"It's that bad?" he'd asked, nervously._

_"You didn't do anything wrong," she said. "I just need to...this is a lot."_

Crowley brought himself back to the present moment. "She was fine with it," he said to Aziraphale. "Eventually. I was molting. Demons molt. It's not fun, it hurts, and it makes us hungry for small living creatures. I don't eat mice any of the rest of the time."

Aziraphale smiled. "You remember what she said after she was done processing?"

Crowley chuckled as well.

_Ruby had joined them in a kitchen and cut Crowley off before he could say anything._

_She'd put her hands out in front of her in a placating gesture. "Look, the trans thing, I can live with. That's fine, that's you, I support you. But if it's all the same to you, I'd rather not know about molting. That's a little bit..."_

_"It's embarrassing for me too, if you want to know the truth," he'd said. "I hate that anyone saw me like that."_

_"Then I didn't," she said. "It's fine, it never happened, we'll never speak of it again. Family secret?" She held out a hand and extended her pinky finger._

_He nodded, relieved. "Family secret." He pinky swore on it._

Aziraphale's eyes lingered on the empty nest. "I do hope she's having a good day," he fretted, fingers fumbling over his coat as if desperately searching for something to do with themselves.

"You think she'll go to this party on Friday?" asked Crowley.

 **Record scratch.** Ah, yes. It hasn't been mentioned yet, but these events took place on the Thursday of the first week of school.

"I don't know if I should hope that she will or hope that she won't," Aziraphale admitted.

Crowley gazed lovingly at his husband. "It really bothers you, doesn't it? Having her away all day?"

"I just miss having her around," Aziraphale replied. "I was getting so used to her always being here...I don't know what to do with my days now...What did we do before we had a child, Crowley?"

"Sow discord and malcontent in the unwashed masses?" offered Crowley. "Oh, wait, that was _my_ hobby..."

"I don't know, Crowley," Aziraphale said. "I only wonder..."

"What?" Crowley pressed.

"Who are we now?" he asked. "We've carved out an entirely new routine and set these new roles for ourselves. Are we even really ourselves anymore or do we just exist as extensions of Ruby? Is the reason we feel so without purpose because we've begun to revolve our entire lives around her?"

"I hadn't thought of it that way," admitted Crowley. 

"I don't mind it, don't get me wrong," said Aziraphale. "She's a delightful person to be around."

"Coming from you, that's the highest compliment," noted Crowley.

"I only wonder whether we still exist as ourselves or if we've just sort of become the sort of supporting characters who cease to exist when they're off stage. I mean what do we _do_ , Crowley?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "I don't know how we even go about finding out."

And then they didn't.

Only kidding.

"Maybe we need to be around more adult company," said Aziraphale.

"I could be on board with that. Anyone in particular?"

"I don't know," Aziraphale replied. "I want to say we should visit someone, but everyone we talk to regularly would turn the conversation to Ruby and then there we'd be worrying about her again."

"I see your point. What about someone we don't talk to regularly?"

"That gets into celebrity category. Imagine how upset Ruby would be if we went to dinner with Stephen and _didn't_ invite her!"

"This sounds like the beginnings of a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation, Zira."

"Being a parent is impossible!" Aziraphale said. "How do people do it? Surely not everyone spends every day completely consumed like this?"

"I don't know," Crowley said. "Do we know anyone with kids who could tell us?"

"No," Aziraphale said. "But...there is...one thing we might do?"

"Name it."

"Maggie did say there was a support group for new parents meeting today just before school lets out..."

Crowley shook his head. "No. No. Absolutely not. Absolutely under no circumstances are we going to a support group-"

...

Crowley's first impression of the support group was that they were the sort of people he'd expect in a support group. Mostly women in their 20s with varying shades of blonde in their hair. There was a general air of sleeplessness and anxiety about them, event the ones who'd dragged their husbands in.

Yes, these were the sort of people he'd envision if asked to picture a support group for new parents. 

Which meant that he and Aziraphale stood out like sore thumbs.

A lady named Rebecca gestured awkwardly at them as if ceding the floor. "Would our, eh, newbies like to introduce ourselves? We're a very open group, feel free to express yourselves however you'd like."

Crowley eyed each stranger from beneath his sunglasses. "We're fine-"

But it was like a dam had burst in Aziraphale. "Our daughter started school this week."

Rebecca nodded, filled with understanding. "Yes, that's often difficult. How are you dealing with that?"

"It's terrible," Aziraphale said. "Just terrible. I'm constantly worried about her. Wondering how she's doing, if everyone's treating her well..."

"These are all quite common worries," Rebecca assured him. "It's called separation anxiety. We've all been through it."

Everyone nodded along to those words, except a bottle blonde in a pink dress. 

"Except me," she said, grinning. "I was trading mine in to start nursing my new baby - a bottle of wine that I'd been saving for my first moment of peace and quiet."

Some of the moms began chuckling appreciatively, but Crowley was having none of it.

"Alright, Kelly, tone it down," he snapped. "We get it, you're the wine mum of the group. Very funny."

"Sorry," Aziraphale said, patting him on the arm. "Crowley's just a bit sensitive. We quit drinking months ago so we could be better parents."

"Oh," said Rebecca. "Were you having problems with it before?"

"No, not at all," Aziraphale said. "We just thought it was for the best."

"So I'm naturally a bit sensitive to anyone who would imply that they loved drinking more than their child," Crowley muttered.

"Is Ruby adopted?" asked Rebecca tentatively.

"She's ours, if that's what you're asking," Crowley replied.

"Right, yes, of course," Rebecca said hastily. "Didn't mean to imply-"

"Besides, starting her first day of school was the easy part," said Aziraphale, ignoring the rest of the conversation entirely. "Now she's supposed to go to a party this weekend, and I have _no_ idea how I'm meant to handle that."

"A play date?" asked Rebecca.

Aziraphale frowned. "Don't infantilize her like that, she'd just hate it. No, a proper party. I mean they grow up so fast, who knows where this will lead?"

"Wait, I'm confused," Rebecca said. "You said she just started school?"

He nodded. "That's right."

"And now she's going to a real party?"

"That's right."

"...How old is your daughter?"

Aziraphale lit up instantly when asked a direct question. "Well, she's sixteen-"

"But she does seem a lot older sometimes," Crowley acknowledged.

"She does," Aziraphale agreed. "She's got a good head on her shoulders-"

"Very wise sometimes-"

"About things we'd never even _consider_ -"

"But sometimes she seems a whole lot younger-"

"Like a frightened little bird who needs protecting-"

"But she can take care of herself, she's always proven that-"

"But she's really very very smart and just a lovely person to be around-"

"And funny, don't forget spectacularly witty-"

"She's incredibly talented," Aziraphale said, smugly.

"Just got in to a selective theatre school," added Crowley, privately sharing Aziraphale's thought that their daughter was better than all the other daughters.

"Here would you like to see a picture?" Aziraphale asked. "Crowley, give me your phone-"

Crowley hated to be the voice of reason, but he knew that Aziraphale wanted to show them the picture with the wings. "Zira, I don't think that's a good idea." He whispered. "Not in front of the humans."

Aziraphale realized that he was correct. "Ah. Yes. Maybe some other time."

...

Crowley opened the car door and jabbed a finger over the top towards Aziraphale. "We are _never_ doing that again. I mean it."

He climbed in the car and Aziraphale followed close behind.

"I do agree that perhaps that wasn't the best use of our time," Aziraphale replied. "I think perhaps those people aren't quite on our level."

"Did you hear Rebecca's little 'is Ruby adopted?" Crowley fumed. "It would be one thing if she'd asked after finding out that she's sixteen, but she wasn't subtle. 'Is Ruby adopted?'"

"Now, Crowley-"

Crowley raised an eyebrow at him. "Don't tell me I'm imagining it, Zira. She was reading us as gay and trying to figure out if one of us is the 'real' father. As if her being adopted would make a bit of difference. They don't think we can be real parents!"

"I wasn't going to disagree with you, my dear," Aziraphale said. "You think I've been around for 6000 years without being able to tell when people are jumping to judgement about my supposed life-style? You can't survive this long without picking up on prejudice, even if it is pretending to be polite in a passive-aggressive modern way. I quite agree with you. They read us as not exactly straight and had no idea how to respond to us. We don't need that type of negativity. We'll just have to find something else to do." He snapped his fingers as he lit upon an idea. "What about weekly lunch dates while Ruby's at school? Or if she has a rehearsal, we can go to dinner? Something for just us."

"Remember last time we tried something for just us? Ruby interrupted our picnic."

"She popped in because she was bored. She won't do that when she's occupied."

"That's a good point." He smiled. "It will be good to get back to being us. I have to admit I've missed just being able to hang out with you without worrying about the teenager in the next room..."

"You know," Aziraphale ventured. "It could be good for us to have some _quality time_. Just the two of us...Doing anything we want..."

What Aziraphale meant by quality time is, of course, his own business and not for mortals to fathom. Do not attempt to fathom, dear reader, but if you were to speculate...Well, no one could exactly stop you. Suffice it to say, though, that his idea of quality time was, indeed, implemented. 

**Some suggestions as to what Aziraphale could have meant by "quality time":**

  1. A nice, wholesome afternoon drive through the countryside. A scene of domestic bliss, cuddling with each other and the cat. Napping, complaining about current events, generally relaxing in a pure, wholesome sort of way.
  2. Lunch dates full of stolen kisses, rendezvous at old haunts, one glass of wine each while holing up above the book shop and having elaborate debates about morality.
  3. Kisses that become much more than that. Hedonistic afternoons deriving pleasure from supposed sins of the flesh. Enjoying each others company and indulging in their most carnal desires.
  4. Any combination of the above.



If it pleases you to imagine Aziraphale and Crowley in any of those scenarios, dear reader, there is absolutely nobody at all who could stop you. But don't think too long, or Aziraphale will know. You'll know he knows, because it will become very uncomfortable to imagine him or Crowley in any sort of situation. You'll cast your mind in that direction, only to find the thoughts slipping away from there. Don't attempt to hold onto the thought or follow it through. The more you try, the more uncomfortable you'll be. 

It may occur to you that your thoughts are being blocked by Aziraphale's deep sense of privacy, and that may be the case. But some have speculated, over the years, that it has almost more to do with their daughter who was almost more protective of their privacy than they were. She believed in privacy not just for the sake of protecting them from harm, but also because she really didn't want to know what they got up to. Ruby Fell was known for wanting to know absolutely everything there was to know, so if something is unknowable in her opinion, it most surely should remain a mystery to the rest of us. 

So take a moment to think on it, if it pleases you. But only a moment. Travel on that train of thought for longer than the allotted time and you'll surely find yourself with a one-way ticket to a destination marked "Madness".

It is a child's prerogative and absolute right to think of her parents only as beings who exist only when she needs them to. Aziraphale and Crowley would have their little dates and whatever else they desired, but Ruby, in the selfishness of youth, wouldn't ask too much about it. She was always more likely to think of them as her saviors - always coming after her, seeing to her safety and happiness. Not perfect, but a wonderful force of good in her life. She wouldn't allow a thought about what they did that didn't specifically have to do with her. What child has the capacity to ask such questions?

And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed to write an easy bit of fluff right now, please forgive me lol. All of us who grew up in reality know that the world hasn't gone to hell in a handbasket. We've just been living in the handbasket so long that we now mistake the wicker ribbing for sky. There's a lot of upsetting news right now and it's a bit overwhelming, so I needed to write something short and sweet. Considering I, myself, am just one more mistake from being fired from my job, I needed to just unplug from stress and write something with no stakes. I wonder if you need it as much as I do.
> 
> Stay safe. Stay informed. I'll see you soon.


	20. Waltz (Better Than Fine)

"Ruby?"

"Yes, Aziraphale?"

"Could you try to be less nervous, dear? It's giving me a headache."

Ruby rolled her eyes and accepted the mug that he handed her. "So sorry to be a bother," she replied sarcastically. She knew he was teasing her. She'd caught the amused looks that he'd been exchanging with Crowley all morning. They weren't exactly subtle.

"What time is Selwyn joining us?" asked Aziraphale.

"Said she'd be here about 1:30," Ruby said. "I still think this is a bad idea."

"Why's that?" asked Crowley.

She gestured vaguely. "Because it's Friday and my life is insane?"

Aziraphale leaned closer to Crowley to mutter audibly: "Which piece of media is she referencing this time, dear?"

Ruby shifted uncomfortably in her kitchen chair. "Who says I'm referencing anything?" she sulked.

"Mostly the fact that it's Saturday," said Aziraphale.

She sighed. "It's Nikita, alright? Sorry I'm so predictable."

"I was gonna say that," said Crowley. "I knew it was Nikita."

She raised her eyebrows and a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. "Liar."

She sipped her tea contentedly. Crowley took this as a sign that he'd at least momentarily taken her mind off her worries.

"I can help you set up your new terrarium before Selwyn gets here," he offered. "I got those new spores you wanted."

Her eyes lit up. 

...

Sometimes Ruby found it easier to exist in cat form. Things seemed so much simpler when she could just shrug off human expectations and curl up for a bit.

Freddie jumped up on the counter next to her and began grooming her, starting with her ears.

"Stop that," Ruby complained.

"You need to take better care of your fur, small paws," Freddie replied. "You can't let guests see you like this."

"My fur's just fine," Ruby bristled. "Besides, she's not gonna see me in cat form."

Freddie picked up on her mood and nuzzled her face. "You seem tense, little one."

"Not tense," Ruby insisted. "I'm fine. Just need a distraction."

"And none of your normal distractions are working?"

"I just need something to focus on," she complained, tail twitching irritably. 

"Well in that case, how about a heist?"

Ruby's ears perked up. "What did you have in mind?"

"Help me get the brown bag in the back of the tall cabinet, the one with the lock."

"That's not much of a heist, Freddie. I can just walk over there and open it-"

"Yeah, with your human hands," she replied. "It's only a heist if you help me in cat form. It'll take longer."

"...What's in the bag?"

"Never mind that now, but I'll share it if we can get to it without your dads catching us."

"Oh so they don't want us to have it?"

"I mean if you're scared that your dads, who have never so much as raised their voices to you in your whole life, will punish you for having a little fun..."

"This is peer pressure. You're trying to peer pressure me."

"Is it working?"

"Absolutely. Sounds like fun."

"Ruby?" came Aziraphale's voice from the other room. "What are you two up to?"

Ruby realized that he could feel what she was feeling. "Nothing much! Just playing with Freddie!"

"Alright, just be careful," he cautioned her. "You need to work on that whole 'landing on your feet' thing. That last tumble from the counter top was terrifying." He went back to reading.

Ruby huddled close to Freddie. "How long will this take? Selwyn will be here in 45 minutes."

"If we have a good enough plan, it shouldn't take nearly that long."

"Which means you don't _have_ a plan yet?"

"You're the smart one, remember? You were inside my head. I know you're crafty. This will be fun."

She nodded. "Okay. Okay, we just need to think..." Her eyes landed on a small cardboard box that had arrived that morning with her new terrarium. The terrarium had already been set up in her room, but the box remained as a toy for Freddie. "Alright, so here's what we do..."

Ruby and Freddie crept up behind the box and placed their front paws on the side. They used their back legs to propel them forward and pushed the box up against the kitchen counter. 

"Now what?" Freddie asked.

Ruby jumped onto the box and used it to jump on top of the counter. 

Freddie eyed her with some amusement. "You know, we could've just jumped from the floor. We didn't need all this extra work with the box."

"What kind of heist would it be if we did it the easy way?" she asked.

"Ah," Freddie said, understanding. "Someone hasn't been practicing her jumps? It's alright, you're still small. Maybe you couldn't make the jump anyway..."

"I could've if I wanted to," she bristled. "Come on, do you want the stuff or not?" Freddie jumped effortlessly onto the counter without the aid of the box. "Show off."

"What do we do now that we're up here?" asked Freddie.

"You're gonna give me a boost," said Ruby. 

"How's that?"

But Freddie had hardly gotten the words out of her mouth before Ruby was climbing onto her back.

"Hold still!" Ruby complained. "If you keep squirming, I'm gonna fall off!"

"Ruby?" came Aziraphale's voice again. 

Ruby and Freddie both froze as the sound of his footsteps came closer.

"Follow my lead!" Ruby hissed.

Freddie hardly had time to say "what" before Ruby bit her on the ear. Freddie yowled and swatted at her, tossing her to the counter top and attempting to pin her down.

"What in heaven's name is going on in here?" Aziraphale asked when he saw this scene.

Both cats froze.

"Playing," Ruby said sweetly. "Don't worry about it."

"Alright," Aziraphale said cautiously. "Be careful, though. Don't rough house so much. Don't forget last time you ran so fast that you slammed into that wall face first-"

"Yes, thanks Dad, I remember," Ruby said quickly, still embarrassed by the incident.

Aziraphale lingered a moment longer. "Just call me if you need anything?"

"Of course," Ruby said brightly.

Aziraphale had one more moment of hesitation before disappearing back into the den.

Ruby scrambled back into a standing position. "Quickly, before he comes back."

"Did you have to bite me so hard?" Freddie complained as Ruby struggled to climb onto her back.

"I had to sell it so he'd go away," Ruby replied. "Stand _still_...Okay, I'm gonna stand on my back paws-"

"Wait, you're gonna what?" Freddie asked. "I dunno, Ruby, if you get hurt your dads are gonna have a fit-"

"Don't worry about them," Ruby insisted. "I'm having fun now. But you have to _stand still..._ "

It took Ruby a few tries to successfully stand on Freddie's back. 

" _Claws_ , Ruby..." complained Freddie.

"Sorry, sorry," Ruby replied. She reached up with her front paws to hook them around the handle of the cabinet. 

"What about the lock?" asked Freddie.

It sprang open. "It's a Miracle," Ruby said cheerfully.

"You're getting kinda good at that, has anyone told you that?" Freddie observed.

"I'm really not," she replied. "Small stuff I can sorta do if I don't think of it too much. I'm still mostly not able to do it on purpose. Okay, this is the hard part. Make sure to hold _still_..."

Ruby used every ounce of strength that she had in her scrawny little cat arms to pull on the handle. Unfortunately she was very small in cat form, so she ended up overbalancing and toppling right over the edge of the counter, doing a backflip on the way down.

" _Ruby_?" Freddie inquired.

Ruby had landed happily on her feet and was laughing. "That was _fun_!" She hopped up on the box then propelled herself back onto the counter. She stretched up to rest her front paws on the front of the cabinet and used her claws to clamber inside. "Brown bag?"

"Yeah, brown."

Ruby pushed a brown bag to the front of the cabinet. "This one?"

Freddie's whiskers perked up. "That's the one."

Ruby took it in her teeth and jumped down onto the counter. She put the bag down in front of Freddie. 

"You're the _best!_ " Freddie said excitedly.

"What's in this anyway?" she asked. She noticed it didn't have any words or designs on it.

Freddie tore the bag to shreds with her claws. "You want some? You earned it!"

"But what _is_ it?" she asked. She sniffed the air. "Oh. Actually...that smells sort of good..."

"Help yourself," Freddie said.

Ruby sniffed suspiciously at the dull greenish substance before taking a hesitant bite. "Say this is pretty good...What did you say it is?"

Crowley leaned against the doorway to the den and watched them. "Catnip," he said.

Ruby jumped. "Christ on a cracker, Crowley!" she protested. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Not long," he said. "Few minutes at most. Aziraphale sent me out to check when you fell off the counter."

"Why didn't you stop us?" asked Freddie.

He shrugged. "Genius bit of cunning there. I was rooting for you. You earned it."

"Wait," Ruby said slowly. "Are you serious? Did I just eat _catnip_?"

"Yep," he said. "Makes the mouse thing seem like not such a big deal when you think about it, doesn't it?"

"No, that's still gross," she said dismissively. "Ew. I ate catnip?"

"We generally keep it away from Freddie," Crowley said. "She goes overboard. It's strictly for special occasions. Aziraphale's rule."

"Why?" Ruby asked.

He smiled. "You'll see." He called over his shoulder. "Hey Zira, come get a look at this! Ruby got into the catnip!"

...

Selwyn walked up to the front door of what seemed like a perfectly innocuous cottage. 

_It's still near Devil's Dyke,_ she reminded herself. _That could mean something. Could still be a trap._

She reached the stoop, drew herself up to her full height, then knocked. The door was opened immediately by a middle aged man in a brown vest and a bowtie. The way he smiled was so disconcerting. It was as if he was trying very hard to put her at ease, but didn't really know exactly how to go about it. Yes, this man was definitely not at all human.

"You must be Selwyn," the man said, grinning still like a Cheshire cat. "Please, come in, come in."

She took care to politely wipe her shoes on the welcome mat before stepping inside. She had to be careful. This man definitely read as fae to her and she didn't want to offend him accidentally.

Aziraphale closed the door behind her and watched as she looked over the small parlor room. The way her eyes took in everything reminded him so much of Ruby, the first time she'd come in. 

"Where's Ruby?" asked Selwyn. "We need to get to work."

"Ah," Aziraphale said. "She'll be around presently. She's a bit indisposed, poor thing."

"She's sick?" asked Selwyn. She hadn't considered this might be a possibility.

"Well, not exactly, no," admitted Aziraphale. "She was very nervous and, well, you'll see. It's nothing to be alarmed about really-" There was a loud crash from the kitchen. Aziraphale frowned. "Crowley, I told you to _watch_ her..."

He took off toward the kitchen and Selwyn followed slowly after him. Another voice began speaking.

"I'm watching her, she won't be _still..."_

Ruby giggled. "Still still still still. You know, you've said that so much it's sounding like a nonsense word."

"We just don't want you to hurt yourself, Kitten," Aziraphale said anxiously.

"Hurt?" Ruby replied. "Who's hurt? I feel _great_ -"

"Ruby, darling," Aziraphale said softly. "You have a guest."

She clapped her hands. "Brilliant! Is it Lethe? We need to talk about that name of hers..." She spun around and saw Selwyn in the doorway. "Oh. Hi. Selwyn." She pronounced the name slowly, really letting her tongue feel all the syllables. "Sel-wyn. Selwyn. Hi." She dissolved into laughter. She leaned over the kitchen island and rested her face in her hands.

Selwyn wasn't sure how to respond to this. This wasn't at all what she'd expected. "What's... _wrong_ with her?" she asked. She tried to lower her voice to ask this discreetly, but she'd never been very good at regulating her volume.

"She got into the catnip," said Crowley, apologetically.

This statement only raised more questions. "What?"

A brief gust of wind blew a window shutter open and the loud clatter startled Ruby. She transformed into a cat and jumped into Crowley's arms.

"Woah, easy there," he said, patting her on the head. "It's just the wind."

Selwyn's jaw dropped. On the one hand, that explained the catnip...but it still raised _so_ many other questions.

Crowley dropped her into a seat at the table and she transformed back. She lounged lazily over the back of the chair in a way that reminded Aziraphale so much of Crowley.

"Feel free to sit," Aziraphale said to Selwyn. "We can put on some tea while you work. Would you care for a snack?"

This was enough to get Selwyn back to the present. "No thank you," she replied. "I won't be tricked into eating anything." 

She hadn't meant to say that last part out loud, and Aziraphale and Crowley could tell she was mentally kicking herself.

"You don't have to eat," Aziraphale said. "Ruby was hesitant at first too. But we're not trying to poison you or anything, rest assured."

"I wasn't worried so much about poison as I was about accidentally getting trapped because I decided to eat or drink," she said before she could stop herself.

Ruby giggled. "Selwyn thinks we're faaaaae. I wish!"

Crowley raised his eyebrows at her. "You wish?"

She nodded emphatically. "Much cooler. Weird trickster rules, but not necessarily evil. But also areligious...is 'areligious' a word? I was trying for the religious equivalent of 'apolitical'..."

"We should get started on our project-" Selwyn began.

Ruby gasped and lurched forward suddenly to grip Selwyn's her arms. "Do you wanna see my mushrooms?"

This was getting more confusing by the second. "What?"

"Mushrooms, my mushrooms!" Ruby insisted. She grabbed Selwyn's wrist. "Come on!" 

She pulled her back through the parlor and into her bedroom. The room was as chaotically decorated as one would expect - posters from different TV shows and bands thrown on the walls, beat up black pleather curtains drawn over the windows, a bookshelf that was mostly occupied by the record player because Ruby didn't have many books yet, and a TV that sat directly in front of a bed decorated with a TARDIS sheet set. But the most prominent feature of this room was the terrariums. They were scattered around the room in various shapes and sizes, and all seemed to contain mushrooms.

"I've been growing them for weeks now and I'm really happy with how they're turning out!" Ruby said, showing them off excitedly. "I started out with just a small cluster of porcini, because dad's very overprotective and doesn't want me growing anything that can hurt me or whatever. But I've branched out! Crowley sent off for some spores and now I've got a decent crop of these-" She gestured to a large terrarium full of purple mushrooms. "-Amethyst Decievers. Oh and dad finally agreed to let me have these little Alice in Wonderland-looking bitches." She gestured at some red and white capped ones. "Amanita muscaria."

"What's supposed to be in that one?" Selwyn asked, gesturing to an empty tank. 

"That one just came in the mail today, but I'm _really_ excited about that!" Ruby gushed. "We just got some mycena chlorophos spores in the mail all the way from Asia! They're gonna be _so cool_ when they sprout!" She leaned forward to whisper conspiratorially, but bounced slightly and her voice squeaked just the tiniest bit from excitement. "They're green and _glow in the dark!_ "

There was something almost alarmingly cute about Ruby when she talked like this. "You, uh...really like mushrooms, huh?"

"She also grows moss," Crowley said, alerting them to the fact that he and Aziraphale were standing in the doorway watching them. "She makes her own moss slurry and everything."

"Moss...slurry?"

"My dads are really cool about it," Ruby said brightly. "Where I used to live before, people wouldn't let me do this kinda stuff because it's not ladylike or whatever, but they're super cool about it."

"So these are your dads," Selwyn said, almost as a question. She'd suspected as much, but nobody had gotten around to introductions.

"Mhm," Ruby said. "Aziraley and Crowfell." She frowned. "That's not right." She pointed at them with the index fingers of both hands and gestured as if trying to swap them. "Azthony and Crow...something." She shook her head. "That's not right either."

"Aziraphale and Crowley," Aziraphale said.

"Yeah, that's right," Ruby said. "That's what I said."

"Charmed, I'm sure," Aziraphale said. "And you're...?"

"Selwyn," admitted their guest. "Selwyn Rose."

"Oh how perfectly lovely," said Aziraphale. "Ruby Fell and Selwyn Rose. Two sides of gravity. How literary."

"That's what I said!" Ruby exclaimed.

"Don't be silly, Aziraphale," said Crowley. "I'm sure it's just the plant."

"Shouldn't you two begin work on your project?" Aziraphale reminded them.

"Right, yeah," Ruby said, snatching her laptop off the bed. "Let's go to the kitchen, we can work better in there."

"What's the project about?" asked Aziraphale.

"We're supposed to pick any two characters in Shakespeare and write an original scene for them," Selwyn said. "We're not supposed to do it in iambic pentameter yet, though we can if we want. We just need to write a scene."

"Got any two characters in mind?" asked Crowley.

"We've thrown around some ideas, but nothing has stuck through the draft," Selwyn admitted. 

"Well you came to the right place," Aziraphale said. "We can help."

"You like Shakespeare?" Selwyn asked.

" _Like_ Shakespeare?" Ruby scoffed as she put the laptop on the kitchen table and sat down. "They _knew_ him! If anyone can help, it's these idiots!"

"I guess if we wanted we could think of something easy," Selwyn said, sitting across from her. "Real fill-in-the-blanks stuff."

"Where's the fun in that?" asked Aziraphale. "You have an opportunity to make two characters who've never met interact! What would the implications of such a meeting be? You could have Beatrice meet Lady Macbeth or Iago meet Brutus! Any two characters will do! Pick someone diametrically opposed for the comedy! Or maybe someone too similar!"

"Interesting," said Selwyn. "I guess I see your point. So if I picked, say, low hanging fruit like Juliet..."

"It might be interesting to pair her with Ophelia," Ruby said. 

"Actually that's kind of brilliant," Selwyn said. "Imagine a scene with those two! One of them could - could interrupt the other's suicide? Change the ending?"

"Oh," Ruby breathed. "Yeah. Yeah I like that. Oh that's _good_..." She looked up at Aziraphale. "Hot cocoa?"

"Alright on it," he replied, getting busy making it. "Would you like some, Selwyn?"

"That's alright, I'm not really wild about hot drinks," Selwyn replied, having totally forgotten about the fae rules now. "And the one time I tried hot cocoa it just tasted like bitter melted chocolate."

"You've probably been getting the powdered stuff," Ruby said. "Dad makes his from scratch."

"Do you think you'll be staying for dinner, Selwyn?" Aziraphale asked. "Because there's always room for one more, you just need to know what to make."

Selwyn felt uncomfortable with that idea. "No, that's alright, thank you. I've got to be out of here by 4:30 anyway so I can catch the bus back at 5."

"You took the bus?" asked Crowley. "There isn't a bus stop near here!"

"I walked the rest of the way," she replied.

"Well that settles it," Aziraphale said. "You can stay for dinner and we'll drive you back to the city. No sense in making you pay for fare."

Selwyn couldn't see a way out of this. "You don't have to make a big fuss. Honestly, a peanut butter sandwich will be just fine."

"Nonsense, what are you in the mood for?" Aziraphale asked. "We can make anything you like. Ruby's a big fan of-"

"Just a sandwich will be fine. Thanks." She suddenly realized she'd been rude. "Oh sorry, I forgot to ask if you'd been cast in anything, Ruby? I haven't looked at the callbacks myself because I'm not an actor, but-"

"Wait the callback lists were posted?" Ruby asked, all her nerves suddenly returning. "I didn't know the lists were posted!"

"Yeah, they were up about an hour ago," Selwyn said. "You really haven't looked?"

She shook her head. "I can't, I just can't look. I'm too nervous. What if I didn't get anything?"

"I'm sure you got _something_ -"

"But what if I didn't?"

Selwyn didn't know how to help. "Look, would it help if I read the list for you? I can pull it up on my phone."

Ruby thought about this and nodded. "I only auditioned for Taming of the Shrew and Grimm Brothers."

"Okay," Selwyn said, pulling her phone from her pocket. "That narrows it down..." She pulled the lists up. "Oh wow! Yeah, look! There you are! You've got callbacks for both plays after school on Monday!"

She let out a sigh of relief. "Oh that's a relief. I was worried. I still might not get anything though."

"Don't be silly, I'm sure you'll be fine," Aziraphale said.

"When will the final cast lists be posted?" asked Crowley.

"Monday night, I expect," said Selwyn.

"Maybe you should come back over then," Crowley said, pointedly. "I mean, you'll probably get most of the work on this project done today, but just in case."

"Maybe," Selwyn said. "Let's just see how much we can get done."

"I'll put on some calming music," Aziraphale said. "Something soothing."

"I don't think that's best, Aziraphale," Crowley said. "Your idea of 'soothing' will put Ruby right to sleep. Kids today don't listen to the classical composers."

Ruby scoffed. "Excuse _you,_ snob! I like classical music just fine. Mostly Debussy, but I also like Chopin! And don't try to pretend that Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata doesn't slap! I'm not a huge fan of Rachmaninoff though. He gives me anxiety. Like oh we get it, you're Russian, but do you HAVE to slam on the piano like that? Bit too much for my taste."

Aziraphale couldn't help but wear a smug grin. "That's my girl."

"So..." Crowley said slowly. "Clair de Lune then?"

She nodded. "Sounds good."

...

Aziraphale made beef stew and a light salad for dinner. Selwyn didn't eat much.

"Is it not adequate?" asked Aziraphale. "I can make you something more to your liking."

She forced a polite smile. "It's fine. Thanks."

Ruby was still high from the catnip and leaned across the table to whisper loudly. "She _still_ thinks we're fae." She returned to a normal volume. "You know, if we _wanted_ to trap you, there are easier ways. But it's fine, more stew for me."

There was a few moments of silence while they ate.

"So," Crowley said, attempting to make polite conversation. "You're Welsh?"

Selwyn took a moment to weigh all her options before answering. "Yeah."

"See she did it again," Ruby whispered loudly. "You see her little mind wheels turning? She was trying to figure out what possible use the fae could have for that information!"

"And if I was?" Selwyn challenged.

Crowley ignored Ruby. "I created Welsh-language television, you know," he said to Selwyn.

"Ooooh sick burn," Ruby said.

Crowley turned to her. "What's that supposed to mean? Have you ever _seen_ Welsh-language television?"

"No," she admitted. "But you created it, so it's _gotta_ be bad. You never did anything that wasn't some kinda demonic trap, right? So sorry he did your people like this, Selwyn, you lot deserve better."

"Demonic?" Selwyn repeated, caught up on the one word. She hadn't even considered this option, at least not properly. "So you're, ah, demons? That explains so much." All the color drained from her cheeks as she tightly clamped her lips shut. She hadn't meant to say that out loud.

But Ruby was amused. "Oh does it? Because, I mean, we're not all demons."

"Ruby-" Aziraphale cautioned.

She waved him off. "It's okay, it's okay, Selwyn's _chill._ See, we're not all demons. I mean, Crowley is. And I'm half demon. But Aziraphale's..." She frowned at him. "What exactly are you? Are you fallen or what?" She snapped her attention back to Selwyn before he could respond. "Anyway, my _point_ was that Crowley's never created something good in his life."

"Created you, didn't I," he said.

"Only sort of," she said. "And stop trying to be sweet, because everyone knows I'm a fuckin' mess and a colossal disaster! Saying I'm _good_ is almost an insult. I'm a supervillain in training _at best._ Don't really fancy being on the side of the angels when I've seen how horrible the actual angels are."

"Don't think about aligning yourself with Hell," Crowley said seriously. "You know they're not all like me."

"I didn't _say_ I was picking a side, I'm happy here," she said. "But you know, I do think I'd make an okay demon. Even Gabriel said so."

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh you think so?"

"I _know_ so! What's a few little temptations every few years? Easy. Could probably do it better than you."

"I don't know about that," he said. "It can be difficult coming up with all those new and inventive ways to trap humans in their own vice."

"Bet I could come up with one on the spot that's better than anything you've ever done!"

"Alright, let's hear it then!"

"Alright, alright, I'm thinking!"

"If you can't do it-"

"I said I'm _thinking,_ I can do it!" She suddenly sat up straight with a mischievous glint in her eyes and clapped her hands together. "Aha! Double doors where neither is marked but one side is push and the other is pull!"

Crowley's eyes widened. "So that each time you came up to the doors you were forced to try to remember which side was which and you'd always have an equal chance of being wrong because humanity tends to second-guess themselves to death?"

"And the _frustration_ ," Ruby said. "Think about the _frustration._ They'll go to their destination just that little bit more annoyed and more likely to take that out on other people! Or worse! That slight frustration will make them more likely to cut corners and give into later temptations because they want to simplify their lives!"

"That's _genius_ ," Crowley said. "I mean, it's basically the same concept for me taking down the mobile phone networks, but it's so much _simpler."_

"And more long-term," Ruby smirked. "Because humans won't actually do anything about the door, they'll just complain about it. They likely won't even give it a thought past when the incident occurs, but it will follow them subconsciously through the day."

Aziraphale shook his head. "You're definitely Crowley's daughter, that's for sure."

"I've never been so proud," Crowley beamed.

She raised an eyebrow. "Really? Never."

"...Excepting all the other tangible things you've done, of course." He snapped himself out of it. "Anyway, we keep to ourselves now. There's no way we'd ever allow you to pursue demonic work."

"And I'd never want to," Ruby said. "I'm just saying I'd be good at it."

Selwyn had watched this whole exchange with mounting confusion. "You guys are very open about this stuff."

Ruby frowned. "Ooops, I guess we all forgot that Selwyn wasn't in on it."

"Are you alright, Selwyn?" asked Crowley. "You've got a lot of anxiety rising from you."

"Just wondering what happens now," Selwyn said. "Now that I know what you are."

Ruby sighed and rolled her eyes. "She keeps thinking I'm gonna kill her. I've never killed anyone in my life, even when that would've been the simpler option!"

"Ruby promised that you wouldn't be harmed in any way," Aziraphale said. "We intend to honor her promises."

"I won't tell anyone, I swear," Selwyn said.

"I hope that's true," said Aziraphale. "We're taking it on faith here that you'll keep this quiet. Ruby in particular isn't great at leaps of faith."

...

Ruby and Selwyn sat in the den with the cat while the parents cleared up in the kitchen. 

"Our project's gonna be cool," Ruby said.

"I really hope Miss Zima will like it," Selwyn fretted. "I just don't want to look stupid in front of her."

Ruby zeroed in on this. "Yeah, she's cool, huh?"

Selwyn nodded wistfully. "Yeah, real cool. She's been really nice to me, just real understanding and everything..." 

"Oooh Selwyn's got the hots for teacher," Ruby teased.

"I do _not-"_

"Yes you do, it's written all over your face. Selwyn's got a crush on Miss Zima!"

"Shut _up_ , she's just really cool, don't make it weird!"

"I make _everything_ weird, you'll just have to get used to it."

Selwyn decided to change the subject. "Your dads were a massive help." She leaned closer to whisper. "Did they _really_ know Shakespeare?"

Ruby giggled. "Yeah, they're like wicked old."

"They're kinda weird, aren't they?" Selwyn asked. She hadn't meant it as an insult, just an observation, but she suddenly realized how it must sound and blanched. "Sorry, I didn't mean-"

But Selwyn was surprised to see that Ruby didn't appear at all offended. In fact, she seemed curiously pleased with the observation. "Mhm," Ruby nodded ardently. "Super weird. That's why I like them so much. Most people are so boring, but they're just super weird." She scratched behind Freddie's ears. "Sorry about me being so out of it, by the way. This is Freddie's fault. She didn't tell me it was catnip before we did the heist, and now you're gonna think I do this all the time and really I don't. I don't even use the mushrooms this way...But it worked out. I was _really_ nervous before I did the catnip."

"You were nervous?" asked Selwyn.

"Mhm," Ruby said. "I've never had someone over before. Well, except the ghost, but she's different. This wasn't my idea, believe me. My dads wanted to meet you, they're overprotective. I'm just as uncomfortable as you are. I've never been great with people. They sort of usually hate me on sight."

"Yeah, I get that," Selwyn said. "I mean, about me. I mean...I'm not saying this right. I mean people see me and think there's something wrong with me. I'm not the most popular person either."

Ruby was trying very hard to remain awake, but the sofa was far too comfortable. "I think you're alright."

Selwyn watched her and realized that she'd never felt less intimidated by any person in her entire life. "Yeah. I think you are too."

"I think it's time for Ruby to go to bed," Crowley said as he and Aziraphale returned to the room.

"Nuh uh, I'm fiiiine," Ruby protested.

"It was nice meeting you, Selwyn," said Aziraphale. "But I think it's time for Ruby to have a little cat nap. Come on, off to bed, Kitten. Crowley's going to take your friend home."

Ruby allowed Aziraphale to heave her into a standing position. "G'night, Selwyn..." she said, vaguely. She linked arms with Aziraphale and leaned her head against his shoulder as she let him guide her from the room.

...

Selwyn rode in the backseat and the car was silent except for a few Queen songs that played softly through the radio.

Selwyn tried awkwardly to make conversation. "You've got a good music sense."

"Hm? Oh thanks. Better to compliment the car than me. It picked it."

Selwyn didn't know what to make of this comment so she stayed silent.

"So," Crowley said finally. "Not what you expected, was it?"

"Hm?" Selwyn replied.

"Ruby," Crowley said. "Us. All of it."

"Yeah," Selwyn said. "I mean, I guess."

"Ruby says you're alright, and we trust her," Crowley said. "She's a good kid and she's got a good sense about this stuff."

"This is the part where you threaten me?"

"Well...I hope you won't take it that way. Unless you do intend to bring our Ruby harm, in which case feel free to take it that way. Please be careful with her. She's more fragile than she lets on."

"Her?" Selwyn scoffed. "Fragile? She's the scary one, if anything." Ruby was looking less and less scary by the moment, admittedly. She had some weird powers, sure, but the more time she'd spent with her today the less scary she'd become. Selwyn had found her sort of cute at times. Or, at least, she'd found some of the things she'd said and done almost endearing.

"I won't get into it," Crowley said seriously. "Because it's her business and not mine. But believe me, she's in a fragile place. She's been through a lot and we just want her to finally get to be happy. Aziraphale especially won't tolerate anything getting in the way of that."

"Now I can believe _he's_ scary," Selwyn said. "Doesn't exactly pass as human, does he?" She realized that might've been rude. "Sorry, I didn't mean-"

But Crowley was laughing. "No, you're right, he's bad at passing as human. Always has been."

"So you two are her dads?" Selwyn asked. "She looks like you."

"Yes, she does."

"So she's yours?"

"You're trying to ask if she's adopted and you're not very sneaky about that," Crowley said. "Everyone asks that, but they're never satisfied when the answer is 'yes' and 'no'. Don't ask her that. It's not relevant and it'll just upset her."

Selwyn nodded. "Okay." She leaned forward to look through the windshield. "Okay, you can let me out right here."

"Here?" Crowley said, pulling to the curb. "The library?"

"Yeah, it's fine," Selwyn said evasively. "I'll- I'll walk the rest of the way."

He looked at her in the rearview mirror. "I can drive you wherever you need to go. You don't still think we're going to trick you somehow?"

She opened the door. "Better safe than sorry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for everyone who's been sending me well wishes (you few know who you are). Things are sort of insane right now. Had a mini-nervous breakdown last week and almost lost my job, so now I'm down to only two days a week. Guess that leaves me time for writing? Idk, you still won't see another chapter til next week.
> 
> The part of this chapter where they broke into the cabinet was based on a kitten I have who broke into a cabinet that exact way and tore into a loaf of bread like it was a carcass. Special shoutout to Mars - I pretended in the chapter that there was a safety lock on the cabinet just to make your feat more impressive. Every other part of that was true, except he did it on his own at 2 months old. No help at all from the older cat.


	21. Quite Nice People

Ruby had never been a fan of Sundays, but at least Sundays at the Fell house were uneventful. She could sleep as long as she wanted and wasn't subjected to judgmental people, which really had been the reason she'd despised the day so much growing up.

"We're not judging you, Ruby," Aziraphale said, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "It really _was_ cute."

"Never again," Ruby said. "Never ever."

Aziraphale placed her cup of tea in the table in front of her and sat down. "Was it really so horrible?"

"No, it was great once I got used to it," she said. "But I'm not really a fan of not being in control of my mind. I must've been _so_ embarrassing."

"That's something you care about now, is it?"

She caught his implication and glared at him. " _No._ I'm only saying."

"You got a great deal of work done on that first draft," Aziraphale said. "I'm proud of how it's coming out."

" _You're_ proud? It's my project!"

"Yes, I meant I'm proud of you."

"Hmf." She took a sip of tea and looked away. "Weirdo."

"Selwyn seems like a perfectly nice girl."

"She's alright."

"From you, that's the _highest_ compliment."

She glared at him while he smugly sipped his tea. "Shut up."

"Ooooh," said Crowley, leaning over to place his hands on Aziraphale's shoulders. "Cutting words, absolutely _cutting._ Did you hear that, Zira? She wants you to _shut up_."

Aziraphale feigned offense. "I know, I'm really quite hurt."

"You're both ridiculous," she grumbled.

"I'm only trying to say that Selwyn seems smart enough," Aziraphale said. "Granted, she's a bit quiet and doesn't eat _nearly_ enough for a human, but I couldn't find anything really wrong with her."

"Besides being human?"

"Well, yes, besides that, but that's hardly her fault. I'm not saying not to be _careful,_ Ruby, but maybe it's good to have a friend. Someone your own age that you can talk to."

"Well I don't know about all that, Aziraphale," Crowley said, taking a seat as well. "I mean, if your only criteria is her being a person Ruby's age that she can talk to, Lethe can do that better. Ruby's got a point that Selwyn's humanity is a problem. There always needs to be a certain amount of emotional distance, because they're like mayflies. Lethe's more or less immortal."

"Until she inevitably moves on, you mean," Aziraphale pointed out. "Let's face it, Crowley, there's no perfect solution-"

Ruby waved her arms to get their attention. "Excuse me, hello? Still in the room! What the hell, guys? Perfect solution to what?"

"Ah, well," Aziraphale said. "To put it bluntly, my dear...We just don't want you to be lonely."

She squinted at him. "Lonely? I'm not lonely! I have you guys! I'm the least lonely I've ever been in my entire life!"

Aziraphale nodded slowly. "Yes, I believe that's true. But you're just cooped up here with us all the time, and I worry that we might be depriving you of life that way. That's partly why I thought it was so important to give you a school experience. Humanity isn't all bad, you know. You need to be around like minded people. As much as I'd love to keep you hidden away from anything unpleasant, I can't advocate having you miss out."

She shook her head slowly. "But what is it you think I'm missing out on?"

"Connections, pet. You need them. You may be so much more than that now, but at your core, you're only human. You've got..." He cast about for the right word to say and begrudgingly settled on one. "Feelings."

Ruby stared at him for a moment before turning to Crowley for help. "Are you just gonna sit there and let him talk to me like this?"

"Believe me, I'm just as uncomfortable as you are," Crowley admitted. "This is why you were the angel, Zira. You're far too awkward and not as subtle as you think you are. You don't so much beat around the bush, you pummel it with a truncheon."

Ruby crossed her arms and glared at the wall. "Feelings," she tsked. "Honestly. Gross. What the hell kinda accusation is that?"

Aziraphale was frustrated that Crowley was refusing to help, but decided to keep that to himself. To point that out would open the door to that becoming the main topic of conversation, and he was becoming very good at spotting when she was attempting to steer the conversation.

"I'm not accusing you of anything, Ruby," he said. "I'm only trying to help. There's no judgement."

"I just don't understand what you want me to _say_ here, Aziraphale," she said slowly. "I don't know Selwyn." She glanced at Crowley. " _Or_ Lethe, for that matter. They're almost perfect strangers to me. I have no real strong feelings towards either of them. They're just not bad like the people I'm used to, so maybe that's why you're expecting too much?"

"I'm not expecting anything," said Aziraphale. "I just think that you need to stay connected to the world. And they seem like perfectly nice girls, so what's wrong with being friendly?" He hesitated. "And if anything _were_ to happen-"

She gave him a withering stare. "Such as what?"

The silence that followed those words was palpable and Aziraphale wondered if now was the time to bring up these things. "Well, I mean, with all that's been going on, we'd just want you to be safe no matter what you're doing. We know you'll be out of the house a lot more now that you've gotten those callbacks-"

Ruby slammed her mug on the table, shattering it on impact.

"Good _lord_ , Ruby!" Aziraphale protested. 

"What's that for?" asked Crowley.

"I got callbacks?" Ruby asked slowly. "Me? _Callbacks?_ Why didn't you tell me?"

"You don't remember?" Aziraphale asked. 

"In fairness, Zira, she was a bit blottoed at the time," Crowley said.

"Selwyn read them out for you, dear," Aziraphale said patiently. "You got callbacks from both plays you auditioned for."

Ruby made an alarming sound deep in the back of her throat that seemed to be an impression of a tea kettle trying to use its inside voice. She clasped her hands in front of her mouth. "Sorry, trying real hard not to lose it here," she said, voice rising to heretofore unheard decibels. "We're wasting time! I've gotta rehearse!" She left her chair so quickly that one could be forgiven for thinking that she was being pulled up by an invisible marionette string.

"Rehearse, rehearse," Aziraphale said. "Is that all you think about these days?" He gestured to the shattered mug on the table. "You can't even be bothered to clean up your mess?"

"Right, right, sorry!" she apologized. She gestured vaguely at the mug and it zoomed back together with the liquid intact. She picked it up and gave him a peck on the cheek as she rushed away.

"Thank you!" he called after her. "That's all I ask, just a little consideration!"

Crowley stared after her. "Do you think she even realized she performed a Miracle just then?"

"I doubt it," Aziraphale said as he put on his reading glasses and picked up the morning paper. "Best not to trouble her about it or she'll get insecure again. You know how she is. Give her time and maybe she can do it with presence of mind."

...

The inhabitants of the Bentley were very on edge the following morning.

"Ruby-" Aziraphale began.

"I know, I know, I'm trying to be less nervous, I'm sorry-" she said hurriedly.

"Don't be sorry, my dear," Aziraphale replied.

"Sorry-"

"I just _said_ not to be sorry-"

" _Sorry_ -"

Aziraphale decided to try another approach. "I only wanted to reassure you that we have complete faith in you and know you'll do wonderfully, but is this really _worth_ you feeling this way? This is precisely the same level of heightened emotions you were experiencing just before the incident at the party."

"I can handle it, it's fine," she said.

"I only wonder why you're not used to it by now," Aziraphale replied. "I mean, this is your third round of auditions in a month. You've passed every other round, why should this one be different?"

"I dunno," she said. "I guess it feels more real now?"

"If it's too much..."

Ruby smiled at him. "Yeah. I know."

"Now I'm sorry," he said. "I know we say that to you a lot, it must get annoying."

"Actually, it doesn't," she said. "It's good to know that someone cares enough to support me no matter what. I really wouldn't be a disappointment to you if I didn't go through with this? Because I don't know why it matters so much, but I really don't want to let you down."

The car slowed to a stop and Aziraphale turned to look at her properly. "You couldn't disappoint me if you tried," he assured her. 

"And I can almost promise you that anything you could try to do to disappoint Aziraphale would actually _impress_ me," added Crowley.

Aziraphale was pleased to see that she smiled a little at Crowley's words. "We do mean it. We just want you to be happy. Nothing else matters nearly so much."

She considered this then nodded. "That's all I needed to know." She opened the door.

"Break a leg?" Aziraphale offered.

Ruby and Crowley spoke at the same time, invoking their own little private joke that had almost become a ritual at this point. "We'll break Gabriel's." This little call and response always brought a smile to her face.

"Maybe we can get him to throw in a wing," said Crowley.

"Yeah, let's fry him up extra crispy!" she laughed. "Throw in the eleven herbs and spices!"

Crowley chuckled. "Now you're talking."

...

The day seemed to pass agonizingly slowly. Ruby was acutely aware of every tick of the clock. 

"Ruby? Ruby? Earth to Ruby?"

Ruby realized that Nick was talking to her. "Sorry, what? Oh." She pushed her lunch toward him. "Yeah, you can have it, I'm not very hungry."

Nick raised his eyebrows. "Erm, I was actually asking if you want to run through any lines before the callbacks...But are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said.

Nick hesitated. "I can't believe I'm about to say this, but keep it." Nick pushed her lunchbox back to her. "You might need it later."

Ruby squinted at him. There was something really off and she wasn't entirely sure what it was. She glanced at the clock on the wall across the cafeteria. It seemed to be ticking abnormally loudly. She squinted at it. It was going very slowly. She'd noticed that about all the other clocks she'd looked at, but this one in particular was bothering her...It was very loud and very slow...

She noticed through the rest of her classes that time seemed to be moving very slow. She got a text during her last class.

_**Everything alright, Ruby?** _

She smiled and texted back. _**fine, Aziraphale, thanks**_

But she wasn't fine. Every second brought her closer to the callbacks, and she felt intolerably nervous about that. She watched the clock.

_**Tick...tick...tick...3...2...1...** _

The bell rang. Ruby threw herself down upon her desk, trying to cover up her anxiety. A moment passed. It took her a moment to notice in the state she was in, but everything was silent.

She tentatively raised her head and looked around. Well, that explained it. She hadn't gone deaf after all.

_Everyone was frozen._

Ruby checked the clock to confirm. Yes, time had definitely stopped. She remembered wishing it in a moment of desperation - she'd just wanted more time to rehearse! But she hadn't meant it! 

"Hello?" Ruby said, tentatively. Nothing. She tried to startle them. "Oi!" Still nothing.

She ran around to other classrooms, but it was all the same. Teachers standing still, students at their desks, all frozen. No muscle moved. They didn't even seem to be breathing.

She ran between rooms, trying to call out to people she knew. "Miss Zima?" She found Chell and waved a hand in front of her face. "Chell? Come on, people!"

She found Selwyn packing her book bag in an upstairs classroom. "Selwyn? Hello? Can you hear me?" She grabbed her arm and shook her. "Selwyn, come on, just say something!"

Selwyn jerked away from Ruby. She was startled by the presence of this girl, who definitely hadn't been there a minute ago. "Ruby, what the hell?" Her eyes widened. "Sorry, is that offensive?"

Ruby sighed with relief. "Oh thank God - I mean, not God, God has nothing to..."

Selwyn squinted at her. "What's wrong?"

Ruby raised her eyebrows. "Haven't you noticed?" She gestured around at the stationary people.

Selwyn stood up at once. "Woah," she breathed. "What did you _do?"_

"I don't know!" Ruby said. "I was nervous, I wanted more time! I didn't do it on purpose!"

Selwyn took a deep breath. "Okay, let's take this one step at a time. Have you called your dads?"

"No," she admitted. "I'm half afraid maybe I just screwed up time. I know I potentially have the power to manipulate time, I just never knew how before."

"We should call your dads," Selwyn said.

"They're probably already outside," Ruby said. She took a deep breath and shouted. "Dads? Can you come here please?"

There was a small pop and they appeared in the classroom.

"Ruby, what is it, what's wrong?" Crowley asked.

"Oh," Aziraphale said, looking around. "Yes, this is quite the pickle."

"What're you..." But Crowley saw it too. "Ah. Standard time freeze. Good job, Ruby."

"I didn't do it on purpose," she admitted.

"She was nervous," Selwyn said. "It wasn't her fault."

"Of course it wasn't," said Aziraphale. "She's not fully in control of her powers. We're just lucky it wasn't worse."

Crowley peered at the human. "It doesn't seem to have worked on you, though?"

"It was," Ruby said. "It only stopped when I touched her arm and told her to cut it out."

"I was frozen too?" asked Selwyn.

"You weren't aware of it?" asked Ruby.

"Standard time freeze," Crowley said. "They're frozen in their last thought, mid-breath. I'm assuming it's a localized disturbance, we'll just have to course correct it for you later or risk creating a whole different time zone."

"Ruby Standard Time," Selwyn said. "That'll be a laugh, won't it?"

"Yeah, real bundle of laughs," Ruby said. "So we can fix it?"

"Yeah, but we shouldn't be in here when it happens," Aziraphale said. "It'll likely take us a moment to fix because it was your magic and you're not in enough control to fix it on your own, but it'll confuse and frighten the humans if they awaken in an instant and find people here who weren't before."

"Good point," Ruby nodded.

"It would've been easier to just remove yourself from time, you know," Crowley said, while giving Aziraphale a meaningful look. "Always easier just to put yourself in a time out for a minute then come back when you've figured it out."

Aziraphale seemed to catch a meaning in this statement that Ruby didn't. "Oh for goodness sake, Crowley! Are you _ever_ going to let that go? It was one mistake!"

"That created the Bermuda Triangle."

"Yes, and that worked out just fine for you, didn't it? It was a nice, if inconveniently located, rendezvous point for us for centuries!"

"It still annoys you that people call it the Devil's Triangle, doesn't it?" Crowley smirked.

"If you must know, yes a little. But Crowley does have a point, even if he does make it in the most irritating way possible. Time disturbances are tricky. I never quite got the Bermuda Triangle back where it was supposed to be, but this should be simpler. Give us a moment to sort it out. It'll be a delicate process - think of it like carefully splicing together film reels."

He and Crowley got to work and Selwyn looked around at all the frozen people.

"Woah," she said, waving her hand in front of a student's face. "Wild. You know who would love this? Nick. He'd flip."

Ruby laughed and sat on the windowsill. "Yeah, he would."

Selwyn turned her full attention to her. "You alright? Like, genuinely?"

Ruby shrugged. "I just get this way sometimes. Better this than a lightning storm, right?"

"Not sure it is. Seems like another way to manifest a panic attack, or at least that's what Maggie would say."

Ruby zeroed in on this comment. "Maggie? Maggie who? That wouldn't be Maggie Malick would it? Freya's girlfriend?"

"Yeah," Selwyn said, surprised. "Why?"

"She always says stuff like that," Ruby said. 

"You know her?"

"Yeah, of course I know her, they're good friends of my dads. Plus Maggie's been treating me-" She realized she'd said too much. "I mean, she's a nice lady. I'm not crazy or anything."

"No, no, you said she's been treating you," Selwyn pushed. "Does that mean she's your therapist too?"

" _Too_?" Ruby asked. "You mean you-"

Selwyn shrugged. "I've been seeing her for a few months. She's done a lot for me."

"Wow, yeah," Ruby said. "Me too."

"That's why I was sort of worried that I was going crackers when I first met you. Not that I'm normally delusional, it's just, you know, my family already expects me to crack up any day now. They wouldn't be a bit surprised."

"Yeah. The people I grew up with thought I was nuts. I know how it would look to them if I said I was seeing teleporting people."

"But you're okay?" Selwyn pressed. "Is this about the callbacks?"

Ruby hesitated, then nodded. 

"But why?" asked Selwyn. "I haven't seen much from you, but you look reasonably talented and smart. And Max said you had a very good audition."

"Max said that?"

Selwyn nodded. "Mhm. So what is it? Why's this bothering you so much?"

"I'm just...worried I won't be good enough. That I've managed to pass through all these rounds and this'll be the one where they catch me. They'll realize I tricked them into believing I was good when I'm not."

"That's ridiculous," Selwyn said. 

"I know, I know, it's just my low self-esteem-"

"I wasn't gonna say that," Selwyn said. "I was gonna say that you're literally going to drama school. Acting is just tricking people into thinking things, so even _if_ you've tricked people into thinking you're a good actor then that would mean you're actually a good actor."

Ruby tried to find the flaw in that logic, all to no avail. "That...actually makes a lot of sense. Thanks. I actually feel a lot better."

Selwyn smiled. "Glad I could help."

Ruby hesitated before asking something that had been on her mind. "Listen, I didn't...make things awkward last night, did I?"

"Awkward? How? Awkward's usually my job."

"I just mean that I didn't do that on purpose. I really didn't know it was catnip and if I had, I wouldn't've eaten it. And also, how was I supposed to know it would affect me like that? It wouldn't if I was still human. So if I did anything embarrassing, just know that it wasn't intentional and won't happen again."

"I've done more embarrassing things sober than you did yesterday. Trust me, you weren't that bad. Just a little loopy, kind of hard to keep on track. We'll have to do more fine-tuning on our project because you weren't focusing. But don't worry, you mostly just pulled up lots of YouTube videos."

"Yeah, that sounds like me..."

Aziraphale returned to them at that moment. "Alright, we've almost got it set. Selwyn, you'll return to your seat. Ruby, you return to the classroom you were in. What is it that you say in these situations? Places?"

Ruby beamed at him. "Yeah, that's right. Places."

"Oh before we do this," Aziraphale said. "Are you coming for dinner tonight, Selwyn? I'm afraid I haven't cooked, so we'll just pick up on the way home. Whatever you like."

"Er yeah, sure," Selwyn said. "Sounds good."

Aziraphale smiled. "Alright, everyone. _Places!"_

_..._

"It wasn't actually that bad after I got down to it," Ruby said as they sat down to dinner. "They kept having me read lines with Quinn, though, which was confusing."

"Why's that?" Selwyn asked, happily tucking into her hamburger. 

"They kept making me read for lead parts," Ruby said. "I don't understand that."

"How was the Grimm audition?"

"Not bad. Did some scenes from the script, and you're right - it does seem funny."

"We can get started working on our Shakespeare project after dinner," said Selwyn. "I think it's nearly there, we should just go over it again while you're sober."

"I've had more ideas for that, actually," Ruby said. "It would require us to add about two more scenes-"

Selwyn shook her head. "No. The assignment was to do _one scene_ , not a whole act."

"But it'll be _good._ It'll really add to the drama and flesh out the universe the scene exists in."

"We'll talk about it." Selwyn's phone buzzed and she reached in her pocket to grab it. "Sorry, is it okay if I check this? Don't want to be rude."

Aziraphale waved a hand in the air. "It's fine, my dear, go ahead."

Selwyn looked down at the little screen. "Oh, the cast lists are up."

Ruby sat up straighter. "Oh?"

"Yeah, you wanna look?" She held out the phone.

Ruby shook her head and closed her eyes. "I can't, I'm way too nervous."

"I can do it for you, if that helps?"

"Please, would you? I can barely breathe over here."

"Alright..." Selwyn adjusted her glasses and peered at the phone. "Grimm Brothers is up first in alphabetical order...Oh that's nice...Chell Whitby as Narrator One! Oh I love that for her, she'll be great...And Bradley Turnshaw as Narrator Two! I can see that...Oh here you are. Ruby Fell as the Witch/Enchantress. Sorry, it's only a bit part-"

Ruby clapped her hands gleefully. "No, that's actually the part I wanted!" She found herself suddenly able to breathe again. "That's so much better than expected."

"What about Taming of the Shrew?" Aziraphale prompted.

"Gimme a second," Selwyn said, scrolling to find it. "Oh here it is...Of course Quinn's got the lead, everyone expected that..." She kept scrolling.

"And?" Crowley prompted. "Did Ruby make it?"

"Did I get anything?" Ruby asked tentatively.

"Still scrolling," Selwyn said. "Oh. Here you are. Ruby Fell..." She looked up at her.

"What? Is it bad?"

"Depends on how you take it," Selwyn said. "You're sort of the understudy for Katherine. You're the understudy for the lead."

"So she didn't really make it into the cast," Aziraphale said. "She's alternate?"

"If that's how you want to look at it," Selwyn said. "Also could look at it as she was so good she was up for the lead role and only narrowly missed it."

"But what's bad about that?" Ruby asked.

"I mean...you're Katherine's understudy," Selwyn said. "That means you're Quinn's understudy. Get ready to start spending _a lot_ of time with Quinn."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm going on another hiatus for almost a month this time and I'm sorry about that. I'm having a lot of trouble focusing right now so I'm taking some time to just write in my off-time without pressure and see if that gets the inspiration flowing again. Anxiety is a bitch lol. Still available here or on tumblr for comment, as always, and thanks for your support!
> 
> Oh PS. Next time I post, my Doctor Who fic series is gonna update for the first time since April, so that's gonna be...something. lol.


	22. Wednesday's Child

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well wouldja look at the time? It's July 13th again, which means today is the 1 year anniversary of me beginning this fic! It came from a dream that turned into a short story. Then as soon as I started writing the short story I said, 'this'll just be a chapter fic.' then i was like wait 'but the epilogue has so many possibilities...' and now here I am a year later and 3 books in.
> 
> I've really loved sharing this story with you, and I'd love for today to be some anniversary edition epic battle of good over evil, but I this is, I think, more thematically relevant. Most people who would connect to this story aren't doing so because they're currently fighting a battle - they're here because they're trying to live life now in the fallout. So, too, is Ruby. She is a reflection of all of us who want to be better. And we can be. We just have to be rebelliously kind.
> 
> Feel free to reach out any time if you have anything at all to say. Philosophy preached to a silent room isn't useful. Collaborative conversation is the point of life.

Ruby walked up to her locker on Tuesday morning to find Max, Chell, and Nick waiting for her. They watched her as she slowed to a stop.

"What?" she asked.

"What?" Nick laughed. "'What,' she says."

"You're kidding, right?" Max said.

"No really," she replied.

"New girl is the understudy in what's probably going to be _the_ straight-play of the semester," said Nick. "And she says _'what'."_

"Oh that?" she replied as she fit her key into the locker and opened it. "It's not such a big deal."

It was a very big deal to her, but she was determined not to show it. Showing it made it real, which might give her an anxiety attack.

"That must've been some audition," Max said slowly, as if trying to prompt her into giving more information.

She closed the locker and held her books to her chest. "It was alright. I mean I'm just understudy, it's not like I'm actually a somebody. You lot gave me more than that to work with."

"Yeah, but only because you said to," said Chell. "I mean, honestly, you're really good as the witch, we just thought you had a bit more potential..."

"Guess you did," said Max.

Selwyn happened to be walking by when she noticed that Ruby looked a bit uncomfortable. "What are we talking about?" she asked. "Oooh did you hear Ruby got understudy?" She could tell instantly that this was the wrong thing to say.

"Yeah, that's what we're sorting out, Wynnie," said Max.

"C'mon, don't call her that," said Chell.

"Right, right, sorry," said Max, unapologetically.

"More to the point," said Nick. "How're you gonna kill her?"

Ruby blinked and recoiled slightly. "Sorry?"

"Quinn," Nick said. "I mean, she'd have it coming anyway, acting like she owns the place and everything. But you're understudy. Now it's not personal, it's just good business."

"He's joking," Chell assured them. "Sort of."

"But it's a fun question," Max said. She snapped her fingers. "I've got it! Show us on Vic!"

...

Max dragged them to their usual green room and Ruby found herself standing before the heart mural she'd seen Max and the others working on when she'd met them on the first day of school. It was a bleeding heart that was impaled with a dagger and flaming arrows and had barbed wire winding around it. Now there was a chalk crime scene outline of a person around it.

"So how would you do it?" Max asked. "Maybe she has an accident on the stairs? Though I don't know how you'll show that on Vic..."

"It doesn't have to be so fatal, Max," said Chell. 

"Never said she had to die," Max said. "She just has to be hurt enough that she can't go on."

"I'm just saying, maybe just some botulism or something non deadly," Chell said.

"Botulism _is_ deadly, Chell," Selwyn pointed out.

"Whatever, I'm trying to think of a non-deadly poison," Chell said.

"Alcohol?" offered Nick.

"There's no such thing as a non-deadly poison," said Ruby. "Anything with a high enough dosage can kill someone. Or sometimes it's not even about the dosage, it's about someone's specific reaction to something. I grow amanita muscaria and it _absolutely_ can kill you if you eat enough of it, but my dad lets me grow it because I promised I wouldn't try to eat it."

"Ama-whatnow?" asked Nick.

"Mushrooms," Selwyn explained. "She grows them in her bedroom, she showed me."

Nick raised her eyebrows. "Magic-"

"No," Ruby said, firmly. "I mean, technically amanita muscaria _can_ be a hallucinogenic, but it's not widely considered to be one of the better ones. It just looks cool." Nick opened his mouth and Ruby predicted his words before he could say them. "No. I already said no."

"More to the point," Chell said. "You were in her bedroom?"

Selwyn reddened instantly. "She was just showing me her mushrooms."

"Is that so," Chell replied flatly.

"It was just mushrooms," said Ruby. "I grow a lot of them, they're cool."

"...So are we poisoning Quinn with mushrooms?" asked Nick.

Ruby made a face. "No. I wouldn't waste mine on her. Wait a sec, I'm not having this conversation."

"It's hypothetical," Nick said. "It's your duty as an understudy. You've gotta think about how to get to the spotlight."

"Yeah, well, I don't want a spotlight at someone else's expense," Ruby said.

"You're no fun," said Nick.

"You're not the first person to say that," Ruby said. She was weirdly entranced by the mural. "What's the deal with Vic anyway?"

"He started out as just a heart," Nick said. "We didn't know what to draw when Freya said we could paint on the walls. I was just doodling. We kind of went out of control."

"We started finding interesting ways to kill him," said Max. "We call him Vic, short for 'victim'."

Something about this made her very uncomfortable. "And what's the official cause of death?"

"The arrows," said Chell.

"The knife," said Nick.

"The barbed wire," said Max.

"Could be," said Ruby. "Could also be we're not seeing the full picture. Maybe he broke his neck or...or punctured a lung with a rib...or something."

"...Do you want to add that to the painting?" Nick asked.

She stared at it and silently shook her head. The window rattled slightly as a wind picked up.

"You alright?" Nick asked. "It's just a game, we didn't mean anything by it."

"Ruby?" Selwyn said, tentatively.

Two things happened at once. Her phone buzzed in her pocket and the warning bell rang. Ruby was instantly snapped out of it. She pulled out her phone.

"It's my dads," Ruby said. "I'd better take this."

Max, Nick, and Chell could tell something had happened here, but they weren't sure what. They recalled how upset she'd been at the mixer, but hadn't ever gotten a reason for it. The incident had honestly slipped their minds. But now that they were standing here, they had to admit that these small incidents with Ruby were starting to pile up.

"You sure you're alright?" asked Chell.

"You're gonna be late," Ruby said, urging them along with a wave of her hand. "Catch you later."

"Alright," Max said. She exchanged a look with the other two and they got going.

Selwyn lingered behind. "Ruby-"

"I'll see you at lunch, yeah?" Ruby said, trying to fake a smile.

It occurred to Selwyn that this was the first time Ruby had actually committed to joining them for lunch. She usually had to be invited or roped into it. "Yeah," she said. "Lunch." She moved along just as Ruby answered the phone.

"It's alright," Ruby said, getting a move on herself. "I know what you're gonna ask, it was just momentary anxiety, but it's better, I'm in control."

"Alright," Crowley said. 

"I'll talk to you later, alright?" Ruby said. "Gotta go to class."

"I didn't mean to bother you," he said.

She smiled. "You didn't. Thank you."

...

Ruby got to lunch before any of the others. Selwyn found her.

"Hey, you want some of my chips?" Ruby said. "Dad packed extra because he saw that you liked those from the restaurant."

"He made these?" Selwyn asked. "For me, I mean?"

She rolled her eyes. "Don't be stupid, he packed 'em for me. But he knew I'd see you and he wanted to be nice. He thinks you don't eat enough." She popped a french fry in her mouth.

There was a moment before Selwyn plucked up the courage to speak. "Is that how you died?" Ruby froze in the act of chewing and Selwyn went pink. "Sorry, I tried to say it nicely, but I forgot all the words and said it backwards. I just meant, I mean, you got very...You don't have to answer this if it makes you...I only wondered...You were very specific. Sorry." She looked down at her hands.

Ruby just looked at her steadily, trying to find the best way to answer this. She swallowed her food and washed it down with the apple juice Aziraphale had packed her her.

"Maybe," she said. "It wasn't conclusive. But those are the best guesses we have. At least we ruled out blunt force trauma to the head. It happened, but probably wasn't enough to kill me that quickly."

Selwyn looked back up at her. "Why are you laughing?" she asked.

Ruby hadn't realized she'd been laughing - and, to her credit, it wasn't much more than a slight chuckle. "I-I dunno. I guess maybe it's just not such a big deal to me. I mean, I usually don't talk about this stuff. It really isn't a huge deal, it doesn't matter really at all anymore. I'm over it."

"You sure?"

Max, Chell, and Nick joined them at that moment. "Is Freya here yet?" Max asked.

"No," Ruby said. "Is she eating with us?"

"Don't be stupid," Max said. "She's a teacher. She's just supposed to pass out our rehearsal schedules."

"Oh!" Ruby said, as it dawned on her. "Yeah, I already got mine for Taming of the Shrew. I hope it doesn't conflict at all."

"Why would it?" Max asked. "That's what the advisors are for. They work together on the schedules so nothing overlaps."

..,

Ruby was finally beginning to feel like she was improving in Freya Devlin's movement class. She still didn't feel anywhere near as fluid as most of the other actors, but she didn't feel as rigid anymore. It helped that Freya made it feel fun. She was always saying that there were no wrong answers, the important thing was just to try them to see what worked.

"Alright, everyone, I think we can begin," said Freya in Tuesday's class. "You've all made such great progress developing your physicality. I've seen so much improvement in posture particularly. I felt it was important to bring you back to these basics and build you from the ground up. Now you're neutral, you're fluid. You can build from there. We're going to start working with basic emotions next. These will just be basics - anything further you'll have to get from a specialized acting class. This is just a movement class, so I'm not going to get as much into microexpressions and deep character work. We're just going to break the surface. I think it's useful to start from a happy place - so today we're going to work on the physicality of laughter. As the movie Mary Poppins demonstrated, there are many kinds of laughter. You've got your giggles, your full-body laughs, your chortles...but it's not simply the shape and note of the sound that we need to work on producing. You need to know how to embody it. Why is your character laughing? Is your character surprised by a punchline they hadn't known was coming? Is your character just having a generally good time? Laughter can also be a fear response. Some people develop nervous laughter as a coping mechanism - it helps to de-escalate tension and creates a release."

Ruby didn't notice how Selwyn glanced at her out of the corner of her eye upon hearing these words.

"This is closely related to embarrassed laughter," Freya said, beginning to pace. "There's also the trickier beast - laughter that comes after crying. Laughter is about release, and can convey a lot of uncomfortable and complicated emotions. The trick is to get it to sound genuine. Or, sometimes even trickier, getting it to sound disingenuous on purpose. You're teenagers, I'm sure you've encountered someone either laughing sarcastically or pretending to laugh at something that they don't find funny. Personally, my favorite is when a script calls for me to 'chuckle darkly'. Such a range of possibilities!" She clapped her hands together. "Now, we start of course by finding where we're breathing from. We've talked before about body centers, and you need to find that to develop your character. Where does the laugh begin? If I'm doing a short laugh - in, say, indignation - I start from my eyebrows. They'll go all the way up." She demonstrated this. "That kind of laugh tends to start high in the chest and is more of a very forceful exhale than anything genuine. You can move your shoulders back if your character is taken aback enough. Like so." She demonstrated this. "It's important to know if your character is intending to laugh or if they're trying _very_ hard not to. And if your character is trying to hold it back, you'll need to figure out how successful they are. The release is the important part. Pick the point at which the facade cracks and work it through til the floodgates are open. So that's what we're going to be practicing today..." 

...

"Alright, I think that's a good place to cool down," Freya said. "I won't see you again until Thursday, so I'm assigning you to keep practicing your laughter at home. I know it'll make you look like a loon, but _use_ that. Remember - laughter can come from a place of extreme discomfort!"

"I'll say," said Nick. "I need to get the hang of laughing from fear."

"We started with laughter because it's a base emotional response," Freya said as she unscrewed her water bottle. "There's a spectrum. Happy laughter tends to be the easiest to master. Don't feel bad that you can't immediately get the hang of laughing from a different emotional place. I'm guessing that this kind of fear isn't one you inhabit often, Nick?"

"I haven't given it this much thought normally," Nick said. "Laughing's just always been laughing. I've just got to figure out where to draw it from. Ruby was a natural at it though!" He clapped her on the shoulder. "Good work there. Really believable."

Ruby moved away quickly as her pulse quickened involuntarily. "Thanks," she laughed, forcing a smile. 

"See? That's what I mean!" he said, obliviously. "Where do you get that kind of inspired performance?"

She avoided his gaze. "I just watch a lot of movies, I guess. I just copy what I see."

"It was very Will Graham," said Selwyn softly. They all looked at her so she looked away hastily. "What? Haven't you guys seen Hannibal?"

"I'm just surprised you have," said Nick.

"I can have layers," said Selwyn. "Ruby was doing that thing Will does where he laughs softly but looks away and it's kind of stilted because he's visibly uncomfortable with the whole thing."

"I was?" Ruby said.

"I hear congratulations are in order," said Freya. "Apparently Ruby is moving up already. Understudy. That's a big deal."

"Not really," said Ruby. "Oh! But that reminds me! Gotta dash! Got my first practice." She slung her bag over her shoulder.

"Try not to kill Quinn!" Nick called after her. "I know it'll be hard, but resist the temptation!"

"You've got to do what's in your nature, Will," said Selwyn. She noticed those who remained looking at her again. "What? I can make weird jokes!"

...

Most of Ruby's days would be taken up by Taming of the Shrew practices. She figured that made sense, since she had the bigger role in that one. Freya had managed to mostly have Ruby in Tuesday and Thursday Brothers Grimm practices, apart from this one specific Tuesday that was blocked off for Taming of the Shrew. The cast was almost immediately separated from the understudies - with the understudies going to a separate green room to read parts with Miss Zima.

"There's no student director on this one?" asked Ruby.

"No," said Miss Zima as she handed out scripts. "This was Sloughtner's pick for the semester. No student stepped up to volunteer to student direct so I offered myself." She finished handing out the scripts then turned to face the students. "Now I know what some of you are thinking. You're disappointed you didn't get picked for main cast. But your job is actually vital to the success of a performance. It might not feel like it on this small scale, but this is great training for when you venture out into the world of professional theatre. Those of you who already have will know that I'm right. In a professional production, understudies wouldn't spend too much time with their primaries. We're going to do it a bit differently here. We'll rehearse apart, but we want you to get a taste of working with main cast members so you have assigned project days to work with your primaries on character work. We're going to need you to really dig into your character. Learn what they mean to you, and be able to faithfully emulate a performance. Because if you should be called to perform, you're going to need to bring your own take on the character, of course, but it's important to be true to what the primary actor was doing. If you bring too much difference to your performance, it can throw off the other actors in your scene." She gestured to their books. "These scripts are yours to keep. They were covered in your tuition, so we provide them. I'd suggest highlighting all your lines and taking notes in the margins. Another handy tip is to bring a notebook with you to keep track of your stage directions. You're going to want to practice constantly and be ready to go on at any time. It's not as likely here as it would be in professional theatre, but this is almost better stage experience than getting a speaking part right off. You can audition specifically to be an understudy in professional theatre and it's a paying position. You get paid more for each part you cover. So we're starting you out small, each covering one role. We'll see where that takes us. We're going to start with a table read. Feel free to highlight along."

...

Ruby told her parents about the table read over dinner.

"And how was that?" Aziraphale asked.

"Fun," she admitted. "We weren't supposed to be completely serious about it. Miss Zima encouraged us to let loose and go with our first impression of the character."

Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a glance.

"...But?" Crowley pressed.

She sighed, an exasperated smile tugging at the corner of her mouth as she put down her silverware. "You know me too well. It's just...the script."

"What about it?" asked Crowley.

"I dunno," she shrugged. "It's just...not what I expected."

Aziraphale chuckled. "Oh she _is_ your daughter after all, Crowley." He shook his head. "There's no doubt where she gets it from."

Crowley raised an eyebrow. "You had problems with it too, if I recall."

"Not to _nearly_ the degree you did. It bothered you for _weeks_ afterward, dear. You wouldn't talk about anything else."

Crowley put down his own fork. "Well can you blame me?"

"What am I missing?" asked Ruby.

Aziraphale chuckled again. "We saw Taming of the Shrew together."

"Not _together_ , as I recall," said Crowley.

"Ah that's right, I'd nearly forgotten," Aziraphale said. "We were both there, but Gabriel decided to make a work visit to me while I was there. So I had to sit with Gabriel until he disappeared around intermission."

"Which already made the experience less enjoyable, I'm sure," said Crowley. "It would've been more fun if we could sit together like we usually did."

Aziraphale smiled. "I agree. But I recall coming to find you after all was said and done, and you were telling Will how you'd thought it was clever how he got people to think this would be a comedy when it was actually a tragedy, but he didn't think the audience got that point."

Ruby winced. "Oh Crowley, you didn't?"

Aziraphale nodded. "He did. Will didn't take that so well. So what's your criticism of it, my dear?"

"Me?" Ruby asked. "I dunno...It just makes me very uncomfortable."

"Why?" prompted Crowley.

"It's just..." she hesitated. "I mean it's framed like the ending is supposed to be happy, right? Like this is a romantic comedy? But it's like...a horror movie."

"A lot of romantic comedies are horror movies when you think about the message they're sending," Crowley said. He picked up on the way they both raised their eyebrows at him and he hurried to explain. "I've watched a lot of late night TV, alright? I expect these messages were my fault somewhere down the line, anyway. Just think about it critically for a moment. Too many men in romantic comedies are manipulative stalkers. And too many of the will-they-won't-theys are based on the characters literally hating each other most of the time. That's not a good message to send to anyone about what to expect from love."

"Well put, darling," Aziraphale glowed, reaching over the table to take his hand.

"I'm just so confused," Ruby said. "I'm assuming that there's something I'm missing here. I do that sometimes, you know? I miss the point of things and don't like em because of that. But Taming of the Shrew is..." She snapped her fingers. "You know what it reminds me of? Stepford Wives. Katherine is a Stepford Wife who didn't get freed."

"A lot of women in history are like that," said Crowley. "A lot of women are now."

"Yeah I know," said Ruby heavily. "That's why it bothers me."

And it dawned on Aziraphale suddenly why exactly this bothered her so much. Crowley, however, had always expected this reaction.

"You don't have to do this play if it's triggering for you," he assured her. "You don't. You can walk away. You're the understudy, and you have a speaking role in the other play you tried out for. If this isn't the right fit, you can walk away."

She smiled at him gratefully. "Yeah, I know. But it's Shakespeare, right? This is what I wanted to do. This is my reason. There has to be something I'm missing about this play, it can't really be as bad as it seems. He's the greatest playwright who ever lived, right?"

"That's incredibly subjective," said Aziraphale. "The greatest playwright who ever lived is always determined on an individual level. You can only determine that for yourself."

"Shakespeare wasn't perfect," Crowley said. "He was as human as anyone else. It's actually kind of funny that people hold him up as this pinnacle of perfection now."

"But this is me looking at things through a modern lens, isn't it?" Ruby asked. "I can't judge something that was of its time."

"You absolutely can," said Crowley. "Things that are wrong are wrong regardless of the time they happened in. People are constantly trying to rewrite history and pretend that people didn't know better. They did. Europeans bent over backwards to make up science for why Africans should be enslaved, completely ignoring the flaws in their tests. I remember there were a lot of people criticizing Christopher Columbus for his brutality during his voyages to America. There are those who don't think critically and really believe bad things, but for each bad person there are about a dozen more who are just trying to convince you of things they don't personally believe because it benefits them. Will didn't have any bad intentions, I truly believe that, but the fact is that he believed a lot of things that weren't okay."

"People have this very purist idea about Shakespeare and the classics," said Aziraphale. "I don't believe that they shouldn't be taught, I just believe it's useless to simply revere them. You have to be critical. It doesn't mean you can't still like the stories, it means that you have to be willing to acknowledge the things that weren't okay about them."

"If you don't acknowledge it, you can't do better," Ruby mused.

Aziraphale smiled. "Exactly."

...

Ruby didn't have anything scheduled for Wednesday after school, so Ruby kept her usual appointment with Maggie.

"I think your dads are absolutely right," said Maggie. "And I think that sort of analysis is particularly useful. I've often thought that self-awareness begins with learning how to properly critique literature." She leaned forward in her chair. "What is it that particularly bothers you about Taming of the Shrew, Ruby?"

Ruby shrugged and avoided her gaze. She was sprawled in her own armchair, limbs hanging off at an angle. "I dunno."

Maggie tried another approach. "How do you feel about the character you're playing?"

She hesitated. "I think she's sort of sad."

"Sad is your first impression of her? I would've thought angry would be the first emotion word to come to mind when describing Katherine."

"I mean, yeah, I guess," said Ruby. "She's angry all right. But angry usually comes from somewhere, that's what you keep saying, right? I think she's got walls up because she's sad."

"What makes her sad?"

"I dunno. Maybe that people don't like her as much as they like her sister. It's just not fair, you know? It's such bullshit. Like just because she's strong-willed and not all sweet and nice like her sister people treat her different. The only reason anyone's interested in Katherine at all is because people want to get closer to Bianca, right? So of course she's mad about it. At a certain point, you just get bitter about it and let people think what they want about you. You just become what they expect."

"And you think that justifies the way she treats Bianca?"

Ruby considered her question. "I don't think she was justified for hitting her. I find it hard to justify violence."

"...But?"

"But it's very sad," Ruby said. "It's a very sad start to a very sad story."

"Sad?" Maggie repeated. "Forgive me, I only read Taming of the Shrew once when I was only a few years older than you are now, but I don't remember it being one of Shakespeare's tragedies. In fact, I seem to remember it being a romantic comedy."

"I think it's supposed to be a comedy," Ruby said. "But in some ways I think it's sadder than a lot of Shakespeare's tragedies."

"Why?"

"Katherine had to keep living," she said darkly. "At least the others didn't have to keep living in a world where they were punished for being women."

"You feel that you're being punished?"

"Not as much anymore." She sighed. "Maybe this is more of a me problem, you know? I always take things too seriously or too personally. I can't even laugh properly."

"What do you mean? I've seen you laugh before."

"Yeah, but that's, like, here. With my dads. I can't _make_ myself laugh, is what I mean."

"As an actor, you mean. Are you having trouble accessing that emotion in practice?"

Ruby nodded. "Freya is teaching us the physicality of laughter, and I mostly have it down. I can do all kinds. I can be sarcastic, I can be angry, I can be exasperated...but whenever I try to sound genuine it just comes out sounding defensive or uncomfortable."

"Why do you think that is?"

"I don't know. It just always sounds like I'm awkward or scared or embarrassed when I try to sound actually-"

"Happy?" Maggie offered.

"Yeah," Ruby said. "But that's not normal, is it? I mean it should be the other way around, right? This is supposed to be the basic. We start with happy laughing because that's an easy one. All the other types are complicated so they shouldn't be easy."

Maggie considered this. "Laughter is, for the most part, an involuntary response. Even infants laugh. But when we lack proper stimuli in our lives, it can become something of a shield. There's a reason we say to just 'laugh it off'. Sometimes it's an easy way to diffuse an uncomfortable situation. You're right when you say I've only really seen you laughing here. Your dads make you feel safe, like you _can_ express happiness without fearing that it will be taken away from you. Did you have a lot to laugh about before you met them?"

Ruby's mind traveled back to places she wished it wouldn't.

"Not so much," she replied. 

"Was there a lot of laughter in your life growing up?" Maggie pressed.

Ruby thought about it and swallowed. "Depends on what you mean."

"Let me phrase it another way: What kinds of things were considered funny in your household?"

Ruby avoided her gaze. "I don't know. Stuff, I guess? It wasn't like...I don't know. My sense of humor was very different from theirs."

"How?"

She shrugged. "Just put it in the category of stuff I wasn't supposed to like, I guess? I always liked Monty Python and Fry and Laurie. Stuff like that."

"They didn't?"

"They didn't understand it. Said it was too stuffy. They said some of it wasn't appropriate."

"They may have been right."

"Yeah but they weren't just talking about stuff that was, y'know, a bit more mature for me. It was that too, I mean, they weren't crazy about anything with sex or swearing in it. But I don't know. They thought it gave me ideas."

"What kind of ideas?"

"Let's just say they particularly didn't like Life of Brian."

Maggie nodded. "They were quite religious."

Ruby let out a short exhale that was meant as a dry laugh. "Understatement of the year."

"So we know what they didn't find funny. What _did_ they find funny?"

Ruby couldn't help where her mind was leading her and her eyes sparkled with tears that she attempted to blink furiously back. "Me."

"Were you the class clown?"

"Not intentionally. Any time I tried to be, it didn't work out. I can't be funny on purpose, I'm only funny when I do something wrong."

"I think you're plenty funny, Ruby," Maggie said gently. "You're very witty and quick on your feet. I'm sure your dads agree." She took a breath before pushing on. "You've said the people you were around before found you funny specifically, but only unintentionally."

"They liked pushing me." She swallowed as images filled her mind. "They were always trying to see how far they could push. It was like a game. First one to make me snap wins. I'm not sure if it was funnier if I was angry or crying. Actually, no, it was definitely funnier if I was angry. They knew I couldn't actually fight back because they were bigger than me so it was funny."

"What would they do?"

"Sometimes it was real simple stuff. Stuff that shouldn't matter, you know? Coming into the room at night while I was sleeping and hitting me with toys. Throwing stuff at me. Waiting til I was in the middle of something then interrupting me by playing ding-dong-ditch on my room-"

"Ding-dong-ditch?"

"It's what people where I'm from call it," Ruby said. "That game where you run up to someone's door and ring the bell or knock then run before they can get to the door. They'd do that over and over, usually while I was trying to focus. They were always poking at me and teasing me. They'd take my stuff and hide it or throw it away or break it. I didn't have a whole lot of stuff. I learned to keep anything important really well hidden. Their dad encouraged it a lot. Kept saying that if I didn't act the way I did, then they wouldn't have to hit me so much. They'd push me until I talked back and did something that a girl isn't supposed to do then they'd hit me and laugh about it."

Maggie felt she was so close to a breakthrough. "Who did this to you, Ruby?"

Ruby's eyes cleared as she came back to the present. "Nobody who matters anymore," she said softly. "They're gone now. Nothing can hurt me anymore. I'm more powerful now than anyone who ever thought they had power over me."

Maggie tilted her head and regarded Ruby with a steady eye. "And is that what you want? To be powerful?"

Ruby narrowed her eyes at Maggie. "No? Do you know me at all?" She put the palm of her hand to her forehead as she realized where the mix up had occurred. "Oh that totally sounded like my villain origin speech, didn't it? Sorry. No. No I really don't want power. I just want to be allowed to do my own thing, you know?"

"So why even mention it? Why bring up your power if you don't intend to use it?"

"Because it's satisfying, I guess? I was so small and powerless. It helps me feel secure knowing that even if they had any way to find me, there's nothing they could do. I mean, hell, I outsmarted their God. What could those puny humans hope to do to me that God couldn't try herself?"

"It's a good point," Maggie said. "And a wise one. You just want to feel safe and strong. Anyone in your position would. The fact that you don't confuse domination and revenge with safety is very interesting in someone of your age. What would you do if you could confront your abusers?"

"I wouldn't," Ruby said. "I confronted them plenty of times when I was human and they didn't listen. I've let it go. I don't mean I forgave them, because I'll never do that. And yeah, I'm still angry. But I'm done talking to them about it. I don't need them to understand me or know me in any way. I was running for so long when I knew I couldn't win, but you know what? Now I'm strong enough that I could obliterate them with a thought. That doesn't make me want to get revenge, it makes me finally feel safe enough to be still. They can't touch me, so why would I need to keep running?"

Maggie thought it best not to point out how Ruby was, in fact, still running from aspects of herself. "So let's talk about acting. Where did you first learn to act?"

"I don't know. I guess I always mimicked real well. Repeated back scenes in movies and stuff. I was always good at impressions."

"You modeled things you saw."

"Mhm."

"You must be pretty good to get into that school. What kind of monologue did you do to audition?"

"I did one from Buffy," said Ruby. "A Whistler monologue. About how we don't know what our destiny will be. Then I changed it to one where Spike was crying about his breakup."

"So even the one that was comedic wasn't funny for the character experiencing it," Maggie pointed out.

"I guess so?"

"Where did you draw those performances from?"

"Now you're sounding like Freya," Ruby said. "She's always talking about external vs internal inspiration. I think I get most of mine from external sources. I just sort of forget myself and try to see myself as the character and feel what they're feeling."

"That's extraordinarily empathetic," Maggie said. "It must be exhausting."

"I mean I guess it can be," she admitted. "But I don't normally spend too much time as one character so I don't have to really get to that point."

"So you draw most of your inspiration from the character itself and direct mimicry, but you can't seem to do that with laughter?"

"I guess," Ruby said. 

"But it's only happy laughter that you have trouble with. You have no trouble at all producing sarcastic, mean-spirited laughter."

"Yeah."

"How has your magic practice been going? Have you managed to master any Miracles yet?"

Ruby was startled by the change in topic. "Not yet," she admitted. "Sometimes I do things without realizing it, but when I remember it the Miracle goes away."

"So you'd say that it's more of a confidence thing? When you act purely on instinct it works perfectly, but second guessing yourself ruins it?"

Ruby nodded. "Yeah, I guess."

"Ruby, does it occur to you that you have trouble with laughing for the same reason that you have trouble with Miracles? This isn't something you grew up being exposed to so it's hard to put yourself into a position where you can mimic it without it being completely foreign to you. You'll have to draw it from inside of you. You can laugh when you actually feel it in the moment, just as you can perform Miracles when you don't think about them. You'll have to get out of your own head."

"I guess that makes sense. How do I do that?"

"Pay attention to when something makes you actually laugh," Maggie said. "Freeze the feeling of it in your mind. Learn from it. Seek out more opportunities to learn from it."

"I guess I'll have plenty now that I'm doing two comedies." She sat up straight as she remembered something. "Oh! That reminds me! Why didn't you tell me that Selwyn Rose is one of your patients?"

Maggie was amused by the change in conversation. "That would break patient confidentiality. Have you had lots of opportunities to spend time with Selwyn?"

She waved this away. "We were partnered together on a Shakespeare project. We wrote about Juliet and Ophelia."

"Why those two characters?"

She shrugged. "I dunno, they're interesting?"

Clearly Ruby was reticent about talking about this subject, so Maggie packed it away for now. "So you and Selwyn talked about therapy."

"For a minute," she said. "Listen, Chell said-"

"Who's Chell?"

"Someone else I go to school with. She said Selwyn's fragile. Is that true?"

"Do you think it's true?"

"I'm asking you."

"And I can't answer questions about my patients, which is the same thing I told her when she asked about you."

"She asked about me?" Ruby asked. "That shouldn't surprise me, actually. She asks a lot of questions."

Maggie smiled. "Usually only when you give her permission to."

Ruby thought about this. "I guess so."

"You must've made her feel comfortable on some level if she asked you something directly. Would you say you and Selwyn are friends, Ruby?"

"I don't know about that. I barely know her."

"I think maybe you should be."

This surprised her. "Really? Is that your prescription, doc?"

"Not a prescription, no," said Maggie. "Not an order either. Just a recommendation. I think you could be good influences on each other."

A horrible thought occurred to Ruby. "Selwyn's not _like me_ , is she?"

Maggie thought about her answer carefully. "Like you in terms of trauma, diagnosis, or ability? Because I can't disclose any personal information about patients, but I can say that an easy answer is that no one is exactly like you, Ruby. You're unique. But so, then, is everyone else. It might do you some good to make friends with a human your own age who might at least partially understand you."

"You're not, I dunno, worried about her?" Ruby asked. "I mean if she's as fragile as Chell says, she should stay away from me, right?"

"Why would it mean that?"

"Because I'm...me. I'm a Katherine. I tend to sort of push people."

Maggie smiled gently. "Ruby, we've already established how Katherine's situation is sad more than it's anything. Katherine's bitterness and resentfulness came from the circumstances she was placed in. The same can be said about you, but you're not an unkind person at heart. You're strong willed and stubborn, but you're compassionate. You only saw pain and anger when you were growing up, but you developed so much empathy that I don't think it's a stretch to say that kindness is, for you, the ultimate act of defiance. So no. I wouldn't worry about you. I think anyone would lucky to have a friend like you in their corner."

...

The warning bell rang, indicating that lunch was over. Ruby gathered her things and was out the door before anyone could protest. This was her way of things.

"Wait, wait up!" Selwyn shouted, hurrying after her. "Blimey, you walk fast!"

Ruby looked at her out of the corner of her eye, but didn't slow down. She tapped her leg with the palm of her hand. "Can't help it. Got long legs."

Selwyn glanced at them then looked hurriedly away. "Yeah, guess you do." She changed the subject. "So anyway, how are you liking Taming of the Shrew?"

Ruby knew that Selwyn knew a whole lot more about Shakespeare than she did, and tried to think of the best way to respond. "I dunno," she shrugged. "Just barely getting to know it, really."

Selwyn eyed her shrewdly. "Uh-huh. And you don't have...any opinion on it? No opinion at all?"

"It's a little...difficult."

"Yes?"

"I'm sure I'll get used to it," Ruby said.

"Okay, slow down-" Selwyn said.

She frowned. "I haven't said anything."

"No, I mean like physically, slow down," she said. "I can't keep up. I'm _trying_ to walk with you to class."

Ruby came to a complete stop. "Oh. I didn't...Oh. Sorry. Not used to that. I mean, really? What'd'ya wanna do that for?"

Selwyn shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe because we have lunch at the same table every day, then today is Thursday so we have out last two classes together, then we're gonna go to the same rehearsal for Grimm Brothers? I thought at least we could walk together since we're going the same way. Maybe you could even sit with me, if you wanted. Like normal people who aren't avoiding each other."

"I wasn't trying to avoid you," Ruby said sincerely. "I'm just not, eh, used to people actually talking to me. Y'know, on purpose." She remembered what Maggie had said about how being friends with her could be good for them. "Did Maggie put you up to this?"

Selwyn's brow furrowed. "Maggie? No, she's got nothing to do with this. I just thought it was logical."

Ruby somehow knew she wasn't lying. "Alright," she said slowly. "Come on, we're gonna be late."

...

"The original globe theatre was a fascinating structure," Miss Zima said. "Perfectly built to suit the structural needs of the day. Its design made it possible to use the sun to light the stage from above and also boosted acoustics because of the shape and materials used. But this couldn't last forever. The Globe burned down on the 29th, of June, 1613. Can anyone tell me what play was being performed that night?"

Selwyn hastily slammed her hand on the button on her desk, making her light come on. 

Miss Zima smiled and gestured at her. "Yes, Selwyn?"

"Henry VIII," Selwyn said.

"That's correct," Miss Zima replied.

"A theatrical canon misfired," Selwyn continued.

"Very good," Miss Zima nodded. "Of course it was rebuilt the following year, but it was closed down in 1642 by Puritanical decree. I mean that literally - Puritans insisted all playhouses be closed down. The Globe was torn down to make way for tenements in 1644."

Ruby slammed her hand on her button. "So wait, the Globe Theatre that's open today isn't the original one?"

"That's right," said Miss Zima. "It opened in 1997. The design is as close to accurate as they could get, though we'll never be able to know for sure if we got it correct."

"And Puritans tore it down the first time?" Ruby pressed. 

"That's right."

Ruby crossed her arms and looked away sullenly. "Man, religion ruins _everything_ , doesn't it?"

Miss Zima thought about saying something, but decided against it. "I think that brings us nearly to the end of class, don't you?" she said instead. "Before I forget, I graded your projects and I must say, there was some really good work in there." She returned to her desk. "Selwyn, would you pass them out for me?"

Selwyn got up at once to help. 

"I always like to see what students come up with at the beginning of a semester," Miss Zima continued as Selwyn handed out the papers. "The material is newer at this stage, so you're less filtered. It's almost a personality test of sorts to see which characters you come up with. We'll continue refining these scenes as the semester goes along, so get used to working with your partner on this."

The bell rang just as Selwyn handed out the last paper. 

"But don't worry!" Miss Zima said as the students got up to leave. "No homework is being assigned tonight! I'm sure you have plenty to be getting on with!" 

"We got an A!" Selwyn whispered to Ruby excitedly, showing her the grade. 

"Cool," Ruby said. "Ready to go?" She was still on the fence about this whole walking together to class thing, but didn't want to upset her.

But Miss Zima had other ideas. "Selwyn, Ruby, could I have a word? Don't worry, I won't hold you up long and I'll write you notes explaining."

Ruby and Selwyn exchanged a glance then approached the desk. "We're both going to Freya Devlin's class," Selwyn said helpfully. 

"That makes it simpler, then," Miss Zima replied. "I'll just text her and explain the situation." 

"And the situation is?" Ruby prompted. Being told to stay after class had never been a good thing in her experience.

Miss Zima smiled at her. "I just wanted to check in with you both, see how you're feeling."

"Good," Selwyn said.

"Fine," said Ruby. "Why?"

"I graded your project," Miss Zima replied. "Who came up with the idea for Ophelia and Juliet?"

"It was a joint effort," said Selwyn. "I wrote the Juliet parts. Ophelia was all Ruby."

Miss Zima was giving them a most curious look. "I told you that I treat this as sort of a personality test for my students. You two chose a scene between two of the most famous suicidal characters in all of literature. Normally I'd treat that as automatically worrying, but your scene did seem to come from a place of growth. They pulled themselves out of it. Actually, it's one of the most stunningly poignant pieces students have ever written for this assignment, though it is a little rough around the edges. I just wanted to take the time to reiterate that if there's ever anything you need to talk about, you can confide in me. I'm happy to help."

"Thanks," said Ruby. "But it's really not that deep. It's just a scene."

"I'm sure it is," Miss Zima replied. "But it exceeded expectations. You both have such deep understandings of these characters and gave them spectacular emotional depth in a way that I'm not even sure Shakespeare intended. I'd like to see it develop more over the course of the semester, but this is a very depressing subject. If you ever need to step away from it and focus on something else or if you need to talk through it, I don't want you to hesitate."

"We won't?" Ruby said quizzically. She thought maybe Miss Zima was reading a bit too much into it and turned to Selwyn for help, but Selwyn seemed to be taking her words to heart.

"Thanks, Miss Zima," she said.

Students were beginning to file into class so Miss Zima took a seat at her desk. "You two run along now. I'll text Freya and let her know you'll be late."

...

Ruby and Selwyn walked in silence. Ruby didn't know if she should say anything - she wasn't used to walking with people. She'd always been the outsider. She thought of what fictional characters would do in her situation. She remembered Buffy and Harry talking to their friends in between classes. But she didn't know if she and Selwyn could be considered friends - that was a little presumptuous.

"I was really nervous," Selwyn said finally. "Were you nervous?"

This took Ruby by surprise. "About what?"

"If Miss Zima would like our project," Selwyn said. "I thought it was really good, but what if she didn't like it, you know? But she said it was really good. That's cool."

Ruby nodded slowly, without looking at her. "Yeah, it is." She had to admit she was pleased as well. Miss Zima was rapidly becoming one of her favorite teachers.

They arrived at class. Max and Nick were already set up so Selwyn pulled her mat up to the right side of Nick's. Ruby followed and put hers on Selwyn's other side.

"You're late," Max said from the spot on the other side of Nick. "We already started warm ups. What have you two been up to?"

"Arson," Ruby replied absently.

"Sounds hot," Max replied.

That's when Ruby realized what was going on.

"Is this banter?" she asked. "What we're doing? Is this considered bantering?"

Max and Nick exchanged a glance. "It was til you said something about it," Max chuckled. "You're as bad as Selwyn, I swear. Not that I mean anything bad by that, of course." This last part was added to Selwyn.

"You coming to rehearsal?" Nick asked.

"Yeah," Ruby replied. "Wouldn't miss it."

"We're just gonna stick around here after class," Nick said. "No use in us going anywhere. Chell and the others will just meet us here."

"You can stick around if you want, Selwyn," said Max. "I know tech doesn't really need to be here yet, but I mean you're already here and you're part of the team so..."

Freya chose that moment to begin class. "Alright, class, let's pick up where we left off on Tuesday. I hope you've all been practicing laughing. I'm going to come around with my favorite witch hat. I've written different types of laughter on slips of paper that I've put in there and I want you to draw one. Read it off for me, then try to embody that type of laughter. We'll see how well you've mastered this."

She started with the students nearer to the front of the class and got varying degrees of success from them. She handed out constructive feedback when it was necessary. Then she got to Max.

Max drew a slip of paper. "Your grandfather has made an offensive joke at Christmas dinner and you've been warned not to upset him this year and keep the peace so everyone is staring at you," Max read. "That's easy." Max followed the prompt perfectly, avoiding eye contact and even miming poking around with silverware.

Freya laughed. "Good, you took it further there. Really embodied a character."

"Ah well, just pictured my mum's boyfriend," said Max. "Some of the homophobic things that man says..."

Freya moved on to Nick. He selected his piece of paper. "You're a posh person at a posh dinner party laughing at something that wouldn't be funny to people who make less than a million pounds a year," he read. "Almost too easy." He opened his mouth and emitted such smug, sparkling laughter that it almost made Ruby want to hate him on pure instinct.

"Good, good," Freya said. "Stand up a bit straighter and you've got it."

She got to Ruby, who was practically sweating. Of course she had to be the next to last to go. She could feel all eyes on her as she selected a piece of paper. Her stomach dropped as she read it.

"You're at home, everything is peaceful and warm. Someone makes a funny joke. It's too funny. You can't stop laughing."

She hesitated. Of course she got the one thing she didn't know how to do.

"Ruby?" Freya prompted.

"I've got it, I've got it, give me a sec," Ruby said. She closed her eyes and got herself into neutral position.

Then.

It happened.

Her face split into a wide grin and she opened her eyes, which were full of warmth and light. She pictured her dads. She pictured how hard they laughed when they watched Would I Lie To You or The Mummy. She let the warmth wash over her.

But then it changed.

Her eyes which had been full of light and warmth began glistening with tears that rolled down her cheeks. The uncontrollable laughter that she was pulling from deep inside herself was unearthing sobs and dragging them to the surface. She couldn't stop them. She put her face in her hands.

"Ruby?" Freya inquired. "You alright? You need a minute?"

She shook her head then took a minute to gather herself, pulling her emotional mask back on in record time. She lifted her face to smile at everyone in what she hoped was a convincing way. "Yeah," she choked out. "Just acting. Had to go where the character took me, you know?"

"Don't think that was the assignment, Ruby," said Nick.

"Yeah, that was...kind of weird," Selwyn added.

Freya could tell when it was time to drop the subject. "It wasn't exactly the assignment, Ruby, but that's very advanced character work. We were planning to get to laughter that turns into crying in a few weeks. So very good work, even if it wasn't my original plan. Let's move on, shall we? Let's see what's left for Selwyn?" She pulled the slip of paper from the hat herself. "Someone made a joke, but you don't get it."

"Oh that one's easy," said Selwyn. "Because of my..." She glanced at Ruby. "Whole thing."

...

Freya pulled Ruby aside after class. "You sure you're alright? That was a very strong emotional reaction."

Ruby shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, it's fine. I'll be fine. I just made a risky acting choice and it didn't work. Don't you always say the important thing is to experiment?"

Freya looked as though she could tell that Ruby wasn't being entirely honest. "Yeah, I suppose..."

Chell arrived. "Hey guys!" she smiled. "You start hanging out scripts yet?"

Freya took a swig of water from her water bottle. "Good point," she said. She reached into her cubby and pulled out a stack. "Ruby, would you hand these out when people walk in?"

"Me?" Ruby asked.

"Yeah, you," Freya replied. She handed her the stack. 

"Alright," said Ruby.

"So how's working with Quinn?" asked Freya. "You kill her yet?" The others laughed. "Sorry, that was unkind. I keep forgetting I'm a teacher now. Forget I said that."

"Do I have to work with an understudy in this one?" Ruby asked. She noticed that Max laughed softly. "What?"

"With this play?" Max replied. "Not only is it written specifically so we won't _need_ understudies, but we didn't have enough people try out."

"What do you mean it's written so we won't need understudies?" Ruby asked.

"Everyone's supposed to double up," Max explained. "Technically, you could do this play with two people if you were ambitious enough. You could just have the Narrators do all the parts and switch between costumes.

"Good thing we're not doing that, I'd go insane," said the blond boy Ruby remembered from Quinn's party. 

"Bradley, you're here!" Freya said. "Grab a script from Ruby."

Bradley turned his attention to Ruby. "Ruby," he repeated. "I've heard a lot about you."

"I hope most of it's untrue," Ruby said.

He raised his eyebrows. "Why?"

"Kinda going for cryptid status," she shrugged. "Can't do that without wild conflicting rumors."

He nodded. "I like you. We've met before, haven't we?"

"I wouldn't say we met," Ruby said. "I was at Quinn's party. Think you may have vaguely noticed me."

"That's right," he said as it dawned on him. "You left in a hurry, didn't you? That's what I heard, anyway. Everything alright?"

He seemed so sweet and genuine that it took her aback. "Yeah, fine. I'm good." She handed him out a book. "Want your script?"

He smiled and took it. "Thanks."

Max groaned and pocketed a cellphone. "Well that was Emily. It's just like we expected. She's dropping out of the play."

Nick nodded. "I said it, didn't I? As soon as I saw her cast as the lead in My Fair Lady, I said we wouldn't be able to keep her."

"Too good for us," said Max. "Didn't even have the decency to tell me to my face even though I _asked_ her when I was on my way to class today."

"Gives you good practice," Freya said. "Now you'll be prepared when actors have their agents turn you down."

"I guess," said Max. 

"Who's Emily?" asked Ruby.

"Emily Westmore," said Bradley. "She was playing Cinderella."

"Oh," Ruby said. "That sounds like a big part."

"It wasn't, really," said Max. "I mean, she had a lot more parts than just Cinderella, which was how we got her to agree to audition in the first place. We'll just have to divvy them up. But it's okay, Emily wasn't our first choice for Cinderella."

"Oh?" Ruby asked. "Who was?"

Nick and Chell chuckled, but Max was the one who handled it. "Ruby, what would you say about taking over the role of Cinderella?"

"Me?" Ruby asked. "Oh I dunno. She's never been my favorite fairytale."

"That makes it even more perfect," Max pressed.

Ruby still hesitated. "I really did just want to be an evil witch."

"And you still can be," said Max. "You're still the best person for those parts. This play is written to double up on parts, and I really think you could be funny as Cinderella. The only reason we didn't offer it to you in the first place was because you seemed so dead-set on the witch thing."

"Look," Freya said. "Just read for it, would you? See if you like it. If you don't, you can pass on it."

Ruby thought it over. "Alright," she said slowly. "I'll give it a try."

...

Freya had them sit on their mats in a circle for their first table read.

"We're going to start with Narrator One," Freya said. "That's you, Chell."

Chell cleared her throat somewhat timidly. Ruby could tell that she was excited for the opportunity, just probably not used to this attention.

"Hello!" Chell read, her usual reservedness falling away as she adopted a much more confident and self-assured persona. "And welcome to the Brother's Grimm Spectaculathon-"

Bradley cut her off mid-sentence, adopting a booming, self-assured, obnoxiously over-confident American accent that was very startling when contrasted with what Ruby had seen from him so far. "SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAAAY! IT'S EXTREEEME! SEE MONSTER-SLAYING ACTION AS THE THREE HEADED PIG BATTLES THE WOLF-O-BOT IN A BONE-CRUSHING CAGE MATCH! THEY'LL HUFF! AND THEY'LL PUFF! AND THEY'LL KICK SOME IRON!"

Ruby couldn't help but laugh along with the others at Bradley's performance. She took notice of this reaction and tried to freeze it the way Maggie had suggested.

Chell was the first to break character. "You being American?" asked Chell, through her giggles. 

"Yeah, why not?" Bradley asked, returning to his normal voice. "It's an American play and my character doesn't make sense with an English accent."

"Carry on, you two, carry on," Freya encouraged them.

...

The play ended up being very funny, and Ruby found herself really enjoying her characters. She really threw herself in head first and was pleased with the reactions of other people in her class. 

_I'm funny,_ she glowed. _Maggie was right, I can actually be funny._

"So what's the verdict?" Max asked after rehearsal. "Should I go looking for another Cinderella?"

"Oh don't you dare, that part was made for me," Ruby laughed. 

Max smiled. "Thought so. I said it, didn't I, Nick?"

"You were our first choice for a reason," said Nick. "But this is better, I think. I mean it's good to get you to loosen up."

...

"I didn't expect it to be this good," Ruby said over dinner. "It's really really funny. I think you'll like it. Or maybe you won't. I don't know. I hope you'll like it."

"I'm sure we'll like anything you're involved in, Ruby," Aziraphale said.

"So how was Cinderella?" asked Crowley. "You didn't finish your story."

"She was surprisingly fun to play," Ruby said. "It was just a read-through, but I'm really liking the direction they went in with her character. It's gonna be a lot of fun. This play is the most nonsense I've ever seen in my life, and I love it."

Aziraphale smiled fondly. "I'm glad to see you enjoying yourself."

Ruby was barely listening. "This play is _so_ anti-Disney that it's kind of hilarious. Oh! And I get all these feminist rants too! It's really cool to get to update fairytales. Some of them _really_ need to be examined more. I mean what messages are we supposed to get from them? That you should kiss a coma patient?" She put down her silverware abruptly. "I need to call Anathema! She'll _love_ this!"

"You can call her tomorrow, dear," said Aziraphale gently. "Let's not trouble her now."

Ruby sighed. "Fine." 

She resolved to text her later.


	23. Fear of Dying

On Monday, Miss Zima announced that they'd start their rehearsal by watching the main cast rehearse. They were supposed to take note of any stage directions given.

Ruby sat behind Miss Zima and noticed that a camera was being assembled in front of the stage. She tapped Miss Zima's shoulder. 

"What's the camera for?" she asked.

Miss Zima smiled and indicated her translator, a blonde woman in hear thirties. "I have to alternate between watching Bridget translate and watching the action on stage. The camera is so I can watch it back later to find things to work on."

"That makes sense," Ruby said, sitting back.

Quinn and a boy named Mason were on stage rehearsing a Katherine and Baptista scene. Baptista was speaking.

_"Why dost thou wrong her that did ne'er wrong thee?_   
_When did she cross thee with a bitter word?"_

Ruby had to admit that Quinn was a fine actor. She really got into the spirit of the parts she played, at least from what Ruby could tell from her limited experience with the girl. But something about her delivery of this felt lacking. Ruby couldn't put her finger on it.

"Her silence flouts me, and I'll be revenged!" Quinn shouted, making to run at Emily, the girl playing Bianca.

"What, in my sight? Bianca, get thee in."

Emily took her direction and exited.

Quinn turned to Baptista/Mason and drew herself up to her full height, eyes flashing dangerously.

"What, will you not suffer me?" she fumed. She cracked a bitter smile and waved one finger in the air in an accusatory manner as she cackled bitterly. "Nay, now I see!" She pointed back toward the spot where Bianca had disappeared and recited her lines furiously:

_"She is your treasure, she must have a husband;_   
_I must dance bare-foot on her wedding day_   
_And for your love to her lead apes in hell._   
_Talk not to me: I will go sit and weep_   
_Till I can find occasion of revenge."_

Sloughtner watched this all in thoughtful silence. "Still something missing," he said.

Quinn was clearly trying not to show her frustration at such a vague direction. They'd run this part three times already, and he couldn't seem to get any clearer on what he wanted from her. 

"Maybe 'hysterical' was the wrong word," he mused, thinking back over an earlier suggestion. "It's closer to what we're looking for, but not entirely on the mark..."

"Maybe we should mix it up," Miss Zima suggested. "Get a fresh take."

"What do you suggest?" asked Mr Sloughtner.

"Sub in Ruby."

Ruby froze in her seat, barely able to believe this direction was being given. 

"The understudy?" Mr Sloughtner said. "I mean, it can't hurt. Miss Fell, if you please."

Ruby hesitated just a moment longer before making her way to the stage. Quinn was glaring at her. She clearly wasn't used to sharing the spotlight.

"What do you need me to do?" asked Ruby. She was timid, but spoke loud and clear so she was audible off the stage.

"Run through the scene with the exact same blocking," said Mr Sloughtner. "We're just using you for contrast."

"Alright?"

Mr Sloughtner raised his hand and spun his pointer finger in a circle. "Again, from _'w_ _hy dost thou wrong her...'"_

Ruby switched placed with Quinn and immersed herself in the scene. Mason started from the top.

_"Why dost thou wrong her that did ne'er wrong thee?_   
_When did she cross thee with a bitter word?"_

Ruby instantly shot back: "Her silence flouts me, and I'll be revenged!" She turned to attack Bianca, just as she'd seen Quinn do.

"What, in my sight?" Mason said. "Bianca, get thee in."

Ruby drew herself up to her full height, just as she'd seen Quinn do. But there was a measurable difference in her air. She seemed to tremble slightly, not with fear exactly, but with a similar emotion that is deeply and inextricably linked to anger.

"What," she scoffed, her voice rising and trembling with the same harsh anger that found its way into her bitter laughter. "Will you not suffer me?" Her eyes lit up with dawning realization of something she knew but was finally receiving confirmation of. She waved a finger in his face. "Nay, now I see!" She pointed off stage and sarcastically feigned happiness. "She is your treasure!" She clasped her hands in front of her. "She _must_ have a husband!" She looked to the ceiling as her careful mask began to crack and her bottom lip trembled. She pointed to her chest and barked out a laugh as she pretended to be happy and upbeat even as her voice was dripping with venom. "I must dance bare-foot on her wedding day." She returned her eyes to him and glowered at him with every bit of rage she could muster. "And for your love to her lead apes in _hell!"_ She said this heavily then waved her arms in front of her as if repelling any further words from him.

_"Talk not to me: I will go sit and weep_   
_Till I can find occasion of revenge."_

Her eyes still sparkled with tears as she ended this speech, though the rage was still evident in her mannerisms.

There was dead silence.

"That's...closer to what I'm looking for," said Mr Sloughtner. "That's closer to what I meant when I said 'hysterical', Quinn. But it's a bit over the top. I need you to find some middle ground between what you were doing and what Ruby's doing. More hurt, but less..." His eyes moved back over Ruby. "Wounded and abused."

"Right, got it-" Quinn began before Ruby cut her off.

"You don't think Katherine's abused?" she asked, crossing her arms.

"Sorry?" Mr Sloughtner inquired.

"Katherine," Ruby repeated. "You don't think she comes off seeming a bit battered?"

Sloughtner didn't really consider her question but he considered his words carefully. "No, I don't think there's textual evidence to support that conclusion. This is a case of sibling rivalry. A real palpable jealousy for her sister. There is enough evidence to conclude that Baptista has perhaps pit them against each other a bit and that Bianca goads her as younger siblings do, but nothing to suggest he's abusive."

"It's more reading between the lines, then, I guess," Ruby said. "Kids model back what their parents do, right? Bianca is allowed to get away with everything and is given attention from pretending to be sweet, so that's the behavior she gives back. But Katherine reacts to everything with harsh words and violence. So using that same logic and the fact that the entire play is about trying to break her, we can guess that her father might've been rougher to her and it would just be accepted because that's what you're supposed to do with women who talk back."

"That's a very interesting point, Ruby-" Miss Zima began, but was cut off immediately by Mr Sloughtner.

"It's not supported by the evidence," he said pompously. "This is a comedy, Miss Fell. We're here to interpret the work as it was laid out for us, not to go throwing unfounded claims about well-established characters." He nodded his head as if that settled the matter completely. "Why don't you and the other understudies go do some further practice in the green room and Quinn, we'll take this from the top."

Ruby was very annoyed at this dismissal, but didn't know exactly how to respond to it. She chose to do what she was told.

"This is why you're the understudy and I'm the star," Quinn whispered smugly as Ruby passed her. "Don't try to think too much. It's not your place. You'll just embarrass yourself."

Ruby glowered at her for a moment. She felt tempted to resume bad habits.

 _Who does she think she's talking to?_ she thought. _She's so lucky that I'm in therapy now because I could wipe the floor with her in a second._

She walked off and didn't engage.

...

Rehearsal ended and Ruby put her script back in her bag and prepared to leave.

"Those were some interesting interpretations you had back there," Miss Zima said. "About Katherine, I mean."

Ruby slung her bag over her shoulder. "Yeah, I guess."

"I think they were right," she said. "For whatever that's worth."

Ruby wasn't quite sure what to say. "But you told me to tone it down," she reminded her.

Miss Zima smiled sadly. "This is Mr Sloughtner's project. He gets the main cast. We have to go with whatever he says. We can't be too different."

"But you think I'm right?"

Miss Zima chose her words carefully. "This isn't one of my favorites, but I usually don't get included in these things. I'm just keeping my head down so they'll pick me for a better project next time. Can I ask, what made you so sure that Katherine had been mistreated like this?"

Ruby still wasn't ready to talk about it. "I was reading between the lines, like I said."

"Keep reading between them," Miss Zima said. "You won't always find agreement in this world, but you'll go far if you remember that people are always meaning more than they're saying."

Ruby got the feeling that Miss Zima was also meaning more than she was saying. "I'll keep that in mind," she said.

...

Ruby sat at her usual table at lunch on Tuesday while she waited for the others to join her. Unfortunately, Quinn got to her first.

"Why do you always bring your own lunch?" she asked, poking at the bag. "The lunch here is great."

"My dad packs it," Ruby said, suspiciously.

"Oh your _dad_ packs it," Quinn mocked. "Cute."

Ruby resisted the urge to cross her arms and take a more menacing posture. "It's none of your business, actually. Don't take this the wrong way, Quinn, but what do you want?"

"Just to talk," she said, reaching as if to take one half of Ruby's sandwich.

"Don't touch that," Ruby said evenly.

Quinn's hand paused just above the sandwich. "Why so rude? Sharing is caring."

"Yeah, but in this case I _don't_ particularly care," Ruby said. "I know what you're doing."

Quinn raised an eyebrow. "And what is that?"

"You're trying to intimidate me. You want to prove you're the dominant one by doing stuff that I've got no control over, just to see what you can get away with. I've known lots of people like you, and I don't let people push me around like that. I don't respond to intimidation and I'd rather you just got to the point." 

Quinn could see she was serious, so slowly took her hand away but didn't back down. "Rude," she said again. "I'm just trying to be polite, you know. Because you need to back off before you embarrass yourself."

Ruby raised her eyebrows. "Back off what exactly?"

"You know what," Quinn said sweetly. "I see what you're doing. It's cute that you're trying, really, but I'm going to need you to back off. You don't have a chance, so I'd just go ahead and give up." She smiled sweetly and grabbed the tin of chips that Aziraphale had made Ruby for lunch. "Mind if I have these?"

Ruby didn't even blink. "What part of 'don't touch my food' don't you understand?" she asked, evenly. "Put it back before there's a problem."

Once again, Quinn felt threatened in a way she couldn't quite explain. Normally she wouldn't bow to any kind of pressure, but something deep in her subconscious told her to put down the tin. "Fine," she sulked. "I'm just trying to you a favor, luv." She looked Ruby up and down disdainfully. "You need to watch your figure. Keep eating like this and they'll have trouble fitting you for a costume. If they're not already."

"Is there a problem here?"

Ruby and Quinn looked up to see Max who was flanked closely by Chell,Nick, and Selwyn. Quinn sized Max up disdainfully.

"There wasn't until you walked in," she said, voice dripping with disapproval.

"No I sort of think there was," Max said. "Wherever you go, problems follow. Ruby, is she bothering you?"

"Little bit," Ruby admitted. "But only the way a tiny insect would. You know, buzzing around keeping me from eating."

"Yeah I heard that last bit," Nick glowered. "I think you should apologize."

Quinn crossed her arms. "Why? It was just friendly advice. The only roles she's gonna get with that figure are dinner rolls."

Max held out and arm to keep Nick from pushing toward Quinn. "It's not worth it, Nick, it's not worth it."

"Just once!" Nick fumed. "Just once I'd like you to get what you deserve, Quinn Templeton."

"I have," Quinn said, smugly rising to her feet. "I worked very hard to get to where I am. I've earned everything I have."

"You think you can just get away with talking to people like that?" Nick snapped.

"I'm not bothered by it," Ruby said, surprising them all. 

"Ruby," Selwyn said. "You don't have to pretend to be alright with this. You don't need to have thick skin."

"But I'm fine," Ruby said. "I'm not faking, alright? It's just pathetic, really." She got to her feet. "If the kinds of roles I'm up for don't want me to be eating so much, then I'd choose the dinner rolls any day. Because at least someone cared enough to make them for me. You got someone who cares about you like that? I really hope so. You think you can scare me off, Quinn Templeton? There are scarier things in this world and I've met all of them. You don't even exist to me as something that could get under my skin. But if you want my chips so badly, you can go ahead and try to take them. See what happens. You could probably use the brain food."

Quinn glared at Ruby for another moment as she debated what to do before letting out a frustrated groan and storming off. Ruby rolled her eyes and sat down to finally begin eating.

The others sat down as well and stared at her.

She paused in the middle of chewing her sandwich. "What?" she asked.

"That was kinda awesome," Nick said.

Ruby narrowed her eyes quizzically. "What?" she repeated.

"I've never seen anyone get Quinn to back off like that," Nick said. "She looked like she had the fear of God put into her."

Ruby wrinkled her nose. "Ew. Not the fear of God."

Selwyn nodded. "More like the fear of Ruby."

Ruby nodded and pointed at Selwyn. "That's more like it." She took another bite, but they were still staring at her so she swallowed. "Look, she'll be back, right? I know her type. They come sniffing around but they always come back around to mad." 

"I hate that she said that to you," Nick fumed. "I mean, we know she says stuff like that to us, but she usually doesn't bother in front of witnesses. She's just winding you up, Ruby, don't pay it any mind."

Ruby suddenly realized something perplexing. "You're really bothered that she said that to me, aren't you?"

"Yeah!" Nick said, as if this wasn't something worth questioning. "We'd be bothered if she said that to anyone, but you're our mate so we take it personal."

"Mate?" Ruby repeated. "Like...friend? Is that what this is, we're friends?"

"Yeah," Nick said. "'Course we are. Why? You didn't think so?"

"Didn't want to assume," Ruby said honestly. "I don't really do friends."

"Well you do now," said Nick. "Right guys?"

"Right," said Chell.

"You're one of us," said Max. "If we didn't think so before, being singled out by Quinn proves it."

Selwyn was the only one who didn't immediately answer. Ruby caught her eye and she nodded hastily.

"I wouldn't've really hit her, you know," Nick said. "I mean, I know Max and Chell know I wouldn't, but I sort of want you to know that, Ruby. I'm not really so good at the whole..." He mimed an action by punching his fists in the air.

"Swimming?" Ruby said, spirits soaring at what she thought instantly must be a reference.

"That either, as it turns out," Nick smiled. 

"You're really a Buffy fan?" asked Ruby. "It's like super old so I don't really meet a lot of people who are into it."

"My mum had a box set," Nick admitted. "Grew up on it."

Ruby groaned. "Lucky! I wasn't allowed to watch it growing up, so I'm still playing catch up."

"Let me know if you ever want to come over for a marathon," Nick said. "We can have, like, a Slayerfest."

Ruby tilted her head. "Isn't that where they try to kill Slayers though?"

Nick chuckled. "So you're at least that far."

Ruby laughed as well, but her smile faded as she contemplated the situation. "I'm still not sure what I did, if I'm being honest? I'm clear enough that she thinks I'm a threat somehow or she wouldn't be telling me to back off, but I'm not sure what I'm being told to back off of? She was fine with me on the day we met. Ariela said that Quinn was trying to recruit me."

Max nodded. "Ariela was probably right. Quinn would want to sniff around the new blood as long as the new blood was white or straight passing."

"But ever since we've been in rehearsal Quinn's pretty much ignored me," Ruby continued.

"Also makes sense," said Max. "You're not a threat to her. You got understudy, which in her mind means you're not good enough to be first choice."

"But she started being actually mean to me last night," Ruby said. "I mean, I was already getting the feeling that I might not actually like her, but I was trying to be polite. Not rush to judgement, you know? Sometimes people are just misunderstood, right? But I don't know..."

"So she went from not paying attention to you to singling you out in the last 24 hours?" Max asked. "Can you think of what you might've done? Because you're right, she's definitely seeing you as a threat."

Ruby thought about it. "I dunno. I guess it was after I filled in on that scene."

"You what?" asked Nick.

"Quinn wasn't getting it exactly like Mr Sloughtner wanted," said Ruby. "So Miss Zima subbed me in for a fresh perspective."

"Oh," Chell chuckled darkly. "Yeah, that'll do it."

"But I didn't do anything?" Ruby asked. "I just did the scene again. I didn't have it quite the way he wanted it either. He wanted Quinn to dial it up but wanted me to tone it down. So I don't see what about it could've rubbed her the wrong way?"

"The fact that you were asked to do it at all," said Chell. "That's what does it. Then she had to watch your take on the scene. It's like a personal insult, especially if you're good."

"She's telling you to back off because she's scared you'll just get handed the role," said Nick.

"You must've been really good to inspire professional jealousy in Quinn Templeton," said Max. "Good for you."

"I'm really not looking to take her role though," said Ruby. "I mean, I would love to be the lead, especially in something Shakespearean, but I'm not entirely sure I like this play. I usually like Shakespeare, but this one's a little..."

Selwyn nodded. "It always rubbed me the wrong way too. It's supposed to be a romantic comedy about an abusive relationship and we all have to laugh because we're not supposed to like Katherine. It's not enough that everyone in her own universe treats her like she's not good enough, we've got to see her that way on this side of the apron too."

Ruby clapped her hands together and excitedly pointed at Selwyn. "Yes! Fuckin...Yeah, exactly! That's what I've been trying to say! It _bothers_ me! And Mr Sloughtner said my interpretation of Katherine came off as too abused and I don't understand how he doesn't think that Katherine might have been mistreated!"

Selwyn nodded. "Read between the lines and it's a little sad."

"Wait, we got off track," Ruby said, shaking her head to clear it. "So it's one thing that Quinn wanted to single me out, but the way you talk it's like she's done this to you lot too?"

"Yeah," Chell said. "But that still makes you special."

"How?"

"Quinn normally comes after people who aren't white or straight," Max explained. "She doesn't think of us as equals. We wouldn't be up for the same roles as her because nobody casts people like us for the lead roles. So we don't really matter. We're just targeted because it's fun for her. But she came after you. I'm not making any assumptions about you, but no matter what your identity is you still pass. She reads you as an equal. Someone who would be up for the same roles as her. That's what the point is."

Ruby allowed this to sink in. "I see. But that's stupid. I mean, it's just pretend, right? Even if we go on to do this as a job, it's not like it matters in the scheme of things. It's just supposed to be fun."

"That's not how Quinn sees it," Nick said. "This is everything to her. She'll protect what she feels she's owed. But I don't want you to ever listen to her, Ruby. There's nothing wrong with you the way you are. Take it from me: Any good costume designer can make any size work."

"I know that," Ruby said. "Honestly, I'm not bothered that Quinn said that. My size isn't a bad thing. I used to be much smaller. Real skinny, if you can believe it. But I wasn't happy back then. I wasn't eating enough. The only thing that getting bigger tells me is that I'm happy now. Someone's making sure I'm eating and is taking care of me. And anyway, it's not like if I was my original size she'd be any nicer to me. When I was skinny, people used to complain about how skinny I was. Just being a girl means someone's gonna have something to say about your weight based on their own personal preference. People don't really care what you look like, they just care about taking your power away by making sure you're too distracted feeling bad about yourself that you don't look at what's really going on. I don't care much about being attractive to people. So what if I'm not super model skinny anymore? There's nothing wrong with me taking after my dad a bit."

"Her parents are sort of awesome," Selwyn added. "I mean, like, they're weird and I don't get their whole thing. But yeah, the resemblance in that family is uncanny."

Ruby couldn't figure out why she was so pleased that Selwyn liked her parents. "And there's nothing wrong with that," she said firmly. "Seriously. People have different body types. We don't really have a whole lot of control over genetics."

Nick smiled sadly. "Something I wish I learned sooner."

...

Freya paced before the class. "We covered laughter last week and this week we're going to continue with our fundamental base emotions. As you learned last week, even base emotions get complicated. You can laugh from fear just as easily as you can laugh from joy. We're going to be delving farther into emotional cores, discovering how and where emotions merge. This week we're encountering fear and its intersection with anger." She stopped directly in front of Ruby. "I obtained a video file from last night's Taming of the Shrew practice. I've got eyes and ears everywhere. By which I mean that I know Sibella Zima films all rehearsals so she can analyse them better later. She usually deletes them at the end of the night, but this performance caught her eye so she sent it to me. Would you mind if I showed it to the class, Ruby?"

Ruby was put on the spot and a bit uncomfortable. "I guess?"

"Would you get the lights, Nick?" Freya asked. Nick hopped to it and Freya brought something up on the television above the cubbies. "See if you can spot what I'm talking about in this clip."

Ruby was at first horrified to see herself represented on the screen, but swallowed this instinct.

_"What, will you not suffer me?"_ the Ruby on the screen said. _"Nay, now I see_

_She is your treasure, she must have a husband,_

_I must dance barefoot on her wedding day_

_And, for your love to her, lead apes in hell._

_Talk not to me. I will go sit and weep_

_Till I can find occasion of revenge."_

Freya paused the clip. "The lights, if you please, Nick." She stepped back to her place at the front of the class while Nick attended to the lights. 

"I see what you did now," whispered Nick when he returned.

"What?" Ruby hissed back.

"Hardly knew you had that in you," he said. "No wonder Quinn's so intimidated by you."

"Now," Freya said. "Can anyone tell me what was remarkable about that performance?"

Nick's hand shot up. "She's, like, multitasking sort of. I really believed that she was hurt. Lots of times Shakespeare is done really dry so it's harder to understand, but she brought feeling to it."

"What feelings exactly?" asked Freya.

Selwyn raised her hands. "The character was angry. But the anger was obviously pulled from somewhere. Nick's right, she looked hurt by something."

"What Ruby did there was extraordinarily advanced for someone your age," said Freya. "But you're an advanced group. I have no doubt that if you're not already there we can get you there by the end of this course. This scene was a perfect example of fear as a base emotion. Ruby, could you explain what your character is afraid of?"

"Well," Ruby said, uncomfortably. "I guess she's afraid of being punished. She's always the one in trouble. She's also afraid that she's unlovable. It all goes back to how she's treated. She's lashing out because she feels she's got no other option open."

"Great observation, Ruby," said Freya. "Great character work. We're not going to do anything this advanced today. We're going to cover basic fear today. There are three classic manifestations of fear. Ruby was demonstrating the fight instinct. We're going to ignore that. We're going straight to the physical manifestations of flight or freeze. Do you tense? Does it begin in your shoulders or your chest? Are you attempting to repress your fear? Sometimes shoving your fear down keeps you alive. So we're going to work on that first. Then, because these walls are padded, we're going to do a horror movie protagonist workshop." Her eyes widened and she staggered back against the mirrored walls and let out a blood curdling shriek before resuming her usual calm. "Like so. Fear is a powerful motivator. Find your character's greatest fear and you'll see the root of most of their actions."

...

Ruby had no trouble at all manifesting freeze. That was something she knew well. Just tense up and wait til it goes away. 

Freya played the class a bit like freeze tag. She'd get to each individual student, tag them with a fear expression, and watch them emulate it. Some merely froze, some staggered back, others were called upon to faint. 

Ruby could fake fainting, even though it wasn't something she'd ever done. The problem, or course, came from the release of pure dread. She had trouble making the scream come. Freya could see this and backed away from it.

...

"Everyone make sure you're hydrated," Freya said at the end of class. "And good work. Ruby, could I have a word?"

Ruby knew what this would be about but waited for Freya to speak anyway. What Freya said surprised her. 

"You did really good work today. I want you to know you don't have to access that emotion if you're not ready for it. Maggie warned me when I showed her the lesson plan that it might be difficult for you to access something that powerless and out of control. And that's alright."

"Thanks," was all Ruby could think to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going on hiatus again. Back at the beginning of August!


	24. 24 Hours

Sundays are boring. It doesn't matter whether you observe the Christian tradition or not, it seems to be the popular consensus among today's youth that Sundays are the filler day of the week. They go slowly and are filled with an unaccountable tedium while not necessarily advancing the overarching plot.

This particular Sunday was no exception. All across England, people performed their own rituals, whether they realized they were or not.

Max Jawara carefully put on a black wig and small hat in preparation for church. One glance in the mirror at the modest gray dress clinging to Max's form filled the teenager with a distinct discomfort. But what was there to be done? This is what mum picked out to wear. It didn't matter if the person in the mirror looked like Max at all.

Outside London, Chell Whitby was having a quite similar experience. She prepared for a different church service by curling her hair and pinning a pink bow in it that matched the pink dress her mum had picked out for her. She hated the way she had to dress for church. Her mum wouldn't even let her wear her extensions. She took out her phone.

Max felt the phone buzz in her pocket.

 _ **i swear mum's trying to turn me into a living doll,** _Chell had texted. **_perfect little china doll proves what a good person she is._**

Max smiled. They had a similar exchange every Sunday. **_aren't you from thailand?_**

Chell laughed under her breath. _**does it matter? not like anyone looks at me and sees me as anything other than what they're expecting.**_

Max was saddened by this comment. It was a well-known fact in their friend group that Chell experienced more isolation than most people her age. Max could relate in an odd way. **_just get through today. we'll be back to normal tomorrow._**

**_not going to nick's after church then?_ **

**_the day mum lets me out of sunday dinner is the day the world ends._ **

**_yeah same_ **

They'd been speaking in a private chat, but got a notification at that moment from their group chat. They switched over.

 ** _bored,_** was all the message said.

They both smiled at this and replied instantly.

 _ **you can always come to church with me** ,_ Chell texted.

 _ **no fair!** _texted Max. **_me and nick have been friends longer! he'll come to church with me!_**

They always had to pretend to fight over him a bit. There was an understanding between the three of them. Every week they said they'd blow off the church stuff to come hang out with him, and every week when they couldn't they'd invite him along with them instead. That never happened either.

 _ **ladies ladies,** _Nick texted while kicking back on his bed and ruffling his bright pink hair. **_theres enough of me to go round._**

Max and Chell both had secrets that they'd told nobody else about, not even each other. They wondered if this was a their moment to confess. 

_They're your best friends,_ Chell thought. _They wouldn't look at you any different. Just tell them._

 _I mean, this is Chell and Nick you're talking about,_ Max said. _They won't be mad at you. Hell, they probably already guessed. Just tell them. You've got to tell someone._

_No,_ they both thought. _Not in the group chat. This is something that should be done in person._

 ** _maybe you should try asking ruby round_** _,_ Max texted instead. _**she dont seem like the church type.**_

 _ **neither do you,** _Nick pointed out.

_**bloody well hope not. i work hard on throwin out these signals.** _

Max turned to look at the fit of the dress in the mirror one more time and sighed before adding one more message:

_**so what of it? gonna ask ruby? dont you have a standing invitation?** _

Nick thought about it. _**yeah but she very carefully didn't pick it up. cant make heads or tails of that girl. total mystery.**_

Chell could hear her mum approaching. 

_**goota go,**_ she texted. She was in such a rush that she didn't notice the typo.

 _ **ditto**_ , texted Max.

Nick sighed and resigned himself to another boring Sunday. He stared at the ceiling and contemplated asking Ruby to hang out. He decided that was a silly idea - he didn't even have a phone number for her. Which is weird, if you think about it. Usually the first thing teenagers do when you meet them is give you their phone and Facebook. Ruby hadn't provided either. He kept meaning to ask when they'd rehearse together, but he kept forgetting as soon as he saw her. He wondered why that was. He wasn't usually so forgetful...

All this was useless anyway. She wasn't really the person he wanted to have over. He looked down at his phone and wondered if he should just text that cute boy after all.

He rehearsed what he'd say in his mind.

**hey, bradley**

_No, that's too formal,_ he thought.

_**ay, brad** _

_No, that's bad too,_ he despaired. _Plus is it 'ay' or 'ey'? Don't want to say the wrong one and look stupid._

**_yo, brad, my man, fancy dropping round maybe while my mum's out? would be super cash...cashz? cashzkskdl fuck it, do you want to pop round for a quick snog or what?_ **

He deleted all of that and threw his phone away.

 _Stupid,_ he thought. _Why'd'ja have to be so bloody stupid? A quick snog? What even is that? You had a thing...no, not even a thing, it was nothing. He's with someone else. Why are you so hung up over this one guy? You can call up ten others if you want. What makes this one special?_

But he didn't.

...

It was a good thing he didn't try to call Ruby that afternoon, because she was rather busy.

Aziraphale and Crowley came to collect her from Anathema's at half past one. 

"How's our little witch progressing?" asked Aziraphale, flush with pride.

"Wonderfully," Anathema replied, squeezing Ruby's arm. "She's mastered protective charms now - she's able to make a boundary without needing constant power to maintain its upkeep. Her silencing fields still need work - she's too easily distractable so they break easily."

"I've got no doubt she'll master them in no time," Aziraphale said confidently.

"That actually reminds me," Anathema said. "Saturday is the annual International WitchCon and Ruby has progressed so well in her studies that I thought maybe she'd like to come."

Ruby was thrown for a loop, as this was the first she was hearing about any of this. "WitchCon?" she repeated. "Is that, like, a convention of witches?"

Anathema smiled. "The largest in the world. It's being held in London this year and there will be witches from all over. There will be food, games, and panels - though I confess I'm mainly there for the merch booths."

A terrible excitement suddenly gripped Ruby. "That sounds so _cool_ ," she breathed. She turned to her parents. "Can I go? Please? I know it makes you nervous when I'm out with too many people around, but Anathema will be with me. Can I _please_ go?"

Ruby's excitement was contagious - or, rather, it was difficult for Aziraphale and Crowley to not be infected by it.

"Ah, well," Aziraphale stammered as he scratched his head and tried to come up with an excuse that wouldn't make her less happy. "Well, I suppose, yes, if it'll make you happy-"

Ruby emitted a high pitched squeal and threw her arms around him as she planted a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you, thank you!"

"You know I'd never stop you from something that would make you happy, Kitten," Aziraphale said. He cast around for someone more impervious to Ruby's charms. "But have you asked your Crowley yet?"

The corner of Ruby's mouth twitched. "My Crowley's a pushover. He'll let me do anything short of starting nuclear war, and even then he might if I have a good enough reason."

"Oi!" Crowley protested. "I might put my foot down. Might, what's the word, floor you for saying a thing like that!"

Ruby pulled away from Aziraphale and looked at Crowley in puzzled amusement. " _Floor_ me, Crowley? Like a car?"

"Maybe that's not the right word," he said. "What's that word for when a parent forbids a child from ever leaving their room or having any fun? Something about flooring them, I'm sure."

It clicked with Ruby. " _Grounded,_ you mean?" she laughed. She put her hands on her hips. "You're gonna _ground_ me, Crowley?"

He shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. "Well," he said. "You don't know. I might do."

She raised her eyebrows. "Go on then. Do it. I dare you."

"Right," he said. "Yeah. I ground you. You're grounded."

They looked at each other for a moment before both bursting into laughter.

"Not very convincing, was it?" Crowley asked.

"Let's put it this way," Ruby said. "If they gave out an Oscar for best portrayal of the strict parent, it would still go to Joan Crawford. Or Judy Garland's parents, probably."

Aziraphale put a hand to his heart. "Ah, Judy," he said. "Missed more and more every day."

Crowley found it interesting that Ruby's mind had gone straight to those examples when she had more relevant examples in her own life. He decided not to remind her, not when she was so happy. "Of course you can go," he said. "Where's the harm?"

She squealed again and hugged him as well. He tried unsuccessfully to repress a smile.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she shouted.

"We'll have to talk about a safety plan, of course," Crowley said.

She rolled her eyes, though she was secretly pleased that he cared enough to be nervous. "The same one as every other safety plan, then?"

"There'll be a lot more people there this time," Crowley said. "Witches, of all people to be associated with."

"Hey!" Anathema protested.

"Still, at least it's not Satanists," he admitted. "Nothing's more embarrassing than a Satanist."

"Bit cringe?" Ruby asked.

He chuckled under his breath and patted her on the back. "The most cringe."

Ruby pulled away. "This will be so much fun! I'll have to find something to wear!"

"Time for another shopping spree?" Anathema offered. 

"Hell yeah!" she shouted, becoming more excited by the minute.

Aziraphale checked the time in one of Anathema's clocks. "We'll talk this all out later," he said. "Ruby, you don't want to be tardy at your next engagement."

In all the excitement, Ruby had completely forgotten the rest of her plans for the day. "Ugh," she groaned. "Maybe I do, actually."

This didn't go unnoticed by Anathema. "Where's she going?"

"I've got to go rehearse today," Ruby grumbled. "With my primary. She's sort of a bitch."

"Ruby," Crowley said. "Language. She either is or isn't a bitch, you should make up your mind before you speak."

This was enough to cheer her up slightly and she smiled. "Yeah, you're right. It's fine, really. I'll just get through this week, then I can go to WitchCon on Saturday..." She trailed off as something occurred to her. "Oh no, _this_ Saturday? I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I actually can't go." She said these last words as if they pained her.

"Why not?" Anathema asked.

"I've got to rehearse with Taming of the Shrew," she said. 

Aziraphale could tell she wasn't enthusiastic about this. "You can, as the kids say, blow it off, Ruby," Aziraphale said. 

"I can't," she despaired.

"Why not?"

"We open in a month and a half. Every second counts. I'm trying to be professional."

"Quite right," he said. "You did make a commitment." But he could tell she wasn't happy about it.

Ruby made up her mind that she had to go. "I'm sorry, Anathema," she said. "Next year, maybe?"

"Yeah, it's fine," Anathema said. "I should've given you more warning anyway."

...

The car ride was silent. Neither of Ruby's parents could figure out what to say.

"You can go to that convention," Crowley said finally. "If it would really make you happy. You're a kid and you've got all the time in the world to be professional."

She smiled. "Thanks, Crowley. But no, I'm still doing this. I said I would."

Another short pause.

"Very unusual of you," Crowley said. "To ask us, I mean."

Ruby wasn't following his train of thought. "What?"

"You're usually so independent," he pointed out. "The person you were when we first met didn't ask permission from anyone. And you know we're not the type to actually tell you what to do."

"She was always asking for permission to do anything when she first moved in officially, Crowley," said Aziraphale. "Remember?"

"Yeah, but that was mostly nerves," he said. "You weren't sure where you stood. You'd never been given freedom to make your own choices. Now you're more settled and you're asking us for permission anyway."

She thought about this. "I guess it's just nice?" she admitted. "I know you care about me - not about your reputations or your plans for me. You let me make choices. I just want to check first to see if it's okay. If you had an actual good reason for saying no, maybe I'd listen. I just don't want to do that whole sneaking around thing I always did before. Not with you."

"We appreciate that," said Aziraphale. "We'd like to know where you are."

"And who you're with," added Crowley.

"And what you'll be doing," said Aziraphale.

"But not in a controlling way," added Crowley.

"Only in as much detail as you feel comfortable with," said Aziraphale.

"We respect your privacy," said Crowley.

Ruby was starting to feel a little better. "Yeah," she grinned. "I know. That's why I tell you these things."

Crowley began pulling up a long driveway towards a rather large estate. "Is this the right place?" he asked tentatively.

Ruby looked at it and groaned. "Bit posh," she said. "Must be."

Crowley stopped the car and turned to her. "So what's the deal with this one?" he asked. "You said she's a bitch."

"She's not bothering you, is she?" asked Aziraphale. "If she's being mean to you-"

"She tries to be, but it doesn't stick," Ruby said. "She's really only mildly annoying." She smiled as she let his words sink in. "But go ahead and tell me all the ways you'd punish people who are mean to me, that's nice to hear."

"Should we walk with you up to the house?" Aziraphale asked. "Introduce ourselves to the parents?" He wasn't enthusiastic about this idea, but he felt that if Ruby was being bullied that he should at least have some words.

"Absolutely not," Ruby said.

"Finally starting to get embarrassed by us, Ruby?" asked Crowley. 

"You wish," she said. "I'm trying to protect you, actually."

"Us?" Aziraphale asked. "From what?"

"Quinn is hella homophobic," she said. "Like massively, cartoonishly. From what I hear, anyway. Hard to imagine people more homophobic than people where I came from, but that's off topic. Point is, she's gotta get that from somewhere. So I don't want you putting yourselves out there like that right now. There are better times."

"That's very sweet, Ruby," said Crowley. "But you don't have to protect us from homophobia."

"Believe it or not, we have experience," said Aziraphale.

"I know," she said. "That's why I can save you from it this one time." She glanced at the clock on the dashboard. "Gotta go. Gimme an hour then come back?"

Crowley gave her a two-finger salute and watched as she exited the car. She made her way to the door and rang the bell.

The door was immediately opened by a very tall, very tan blonde in her late 30s. Ruby noted her very pink clothes and thought this must be Barbie. 

The lady put her hands on her hips and gave a very gracious smile. "Well," she said in a shockingly thick country accent. "You must be Ruby! Come in, come in!"

Ruby was frozen for a moment out of shock. She hadn't been expecting an American, especially not from her own region. The accent and this woman's general demeanor were far too familiar to her and she immediately felt her guard go up.

"Well don't just stand there, silly!" the woman said.

Ruby hesitantly walked inside and felt blinded by the gleaming marble floors and excessively shiny surfaces all around her.

The lady kept talking obliviously. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell my husband I answered the door again," she said. "I was too excited. I'm supposed to let the butler do his job, I know, but even after all this time I'm not used to it."

Ruby took note of the word 'husband'. She suddenly noticed the familiar features in her very symmetrical face. "You're Quinn's mother?"

The lady laughed. "Well gosh," she said. " _Mother_. You English are so formal, it's just the cutest thing! Yeah, I'm Quinn's mom."

"But you're from Mississippi," she blurted before she could stop herself. "I mean..." She tried to cover herself by pretending she didn't know anything about accents. "Maybe Texas or something, it's just a guess."

Quinn's mom laughed again. "No, you had it right the first time!" she said. "I was Miss Mississippi 1997! But I've been a pageant queen my whole life, since I was 3 years old. Always said it's a shame this country doesn't do pageants like that, because my Quinn would knock 'em dead for sure! Never gains a pound, that girl! Always in great shape!" She suddenly became aware of Ruby's proportions. "We can give you the secret, if you want. Just a kale smoothie every day - would you like one?"

Ruby had never heard of something so disgusting in her life. "No thank you. Where's Quinn?"

"She'll be down in a jiff," she said dismissively. "She's on a call with her agent. You can wait in the drawing room if you want and I'll just get you that smoothie."

"No," Ruby tried to protest. "You don't - you don't have to..."

But Mrs Templeton was already gone from the room.

Ruby waited in the drawing room for a moment, unsure if she should sit or remain standing. After a moment of fidgeting anxiously, she decided to sit. At least now she could see where Quinn got her general awfulness from. That kind of cattiness disguised as helpfulness could only come from a passive aggressive southern mother.

Mrs Templeton returned a moment later with the smoothie. "Drink that," she said. "Helps you burn off the extra water weight." She patted her perfectly smooth stomach for emphasis.

Ruby tried not to show her dislike outwardly and sipped her drink politely. As she suspected. Completely horrible.

"So will Quinn's siblings be around?" Ruby prompted, dangling the leading question and hoping for confirmation of a theory.

"Siblings?" Mrs Templeton said. "Our Quinn's an only child."

Ruby nodded. Of course she was. There was a way only children behaved that made the rest of Quinn's attitude fall into place.

Quinn chose that moment to join them. "Oh," she said upon laying eyes on Ruby. "You're here." She mimicked her mother's polite smile. "You didn't bother to put on makeup today? You could be so pretty if you tried more."

"Oh but I'm not trying to be pretty," Ruby shot back, in that same sugary tone. Ruby didn't put on makeup most days unless she knew she'd be up on stage. She didn't care enough otherwise.

Quinn looked her up and down. "That much is obvious. I mean, you're even starting to dress like a techie. Have some standards." 

Personally, Ruby thought there was nothing wrong with simple black jeans and a black-and-white striped top, but she kept her retorts to herself.

...

Quinn led her to the sun porch where they immediately sat down and got to work.

"This isn't the same place as before," Ruby pointed out. "From the party?"

"Of course not," Quinn said dismissively. "That was our townhouse. We live here most of the time. I wanted to host the Mixer, but didn't want certain kinds of people touching my things. Couldn't take a chance anything would go missing."

Ruby could guess the sort of people she meant, but didn't say a word. She started to ask how many houses the Templetons had anyway, but decided that she didn't really want to know.

"Your mum's American?" she asked instead.

Quinn sighed, evidently annoyed to be asked so many questions. "Yeah, she was a big pageant winner in the States before dad married her and took her back here. It's really not that interesting. Just like this assignment! It's like something I'd have to do in class, not for an actual play. This just _screams_ of Zima's doing."

Ruby wasn't sure she liked Quinn's tone when saying that name. "What do you mean?"

"It's just boring," Quinn said. "We've got to write an essay outlining our characters motivations and journey through this play? Who does this?"

Ruby thought it was a good assignment privately, mostly because she'd already made similar notes in her own script. "Might be a good exercise in characterization."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Don't know why anyone let Zima be in charge of anything."

Ruby was getting progressively more irritated as the conversation wore on. "Probably because she's smart and knows what she's talking about?"

Quinn scoffed. "Please. She's one of them. At the very least, she shouldn't be in charge of kids."

Ruby opened her mouth to speak again but was interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Wow, fancy place, isn't it?"

Ruby turned around sharply to find a familiar ghost behind her. "Lethe?" she exclaimed, before realizing she'd spoken aloud. 

Quinn looked up from her script. "What?"

Ruby tried to regain her composure. "Nothing," she lied. "We need to get back to work. Ignore me."

"Gladly," Quinn said.

Ruby gave the ghost a pointed glance and looked back at her script. "I guess it also matters how we feel about Katherine and how we see her? She's not usually written very sympathetically."

"Yeah, well, she's a massive cunt most of the time," Quinn said.

For some reason this dismissal irritated Ruby. "So you can relate then," she muttered under her breath.

Lethe gasped. "Swanky vase!" she exclaimed, passing her hand through an ornate gold vase. "Real ugly, isn't it? Think I can knock it down?"

Under normal circumstances, Ruby might think this was funny, but she was already having a bad enough time as it is. "Stop it," she hissed.

Quinn looked up at her. "I wasn't _doing_ anything?" she said. "What's with you?"

"Nothing," she said again. "I've just got to, eh..." She cast about for an excuse to get out of the room. "Take this phone call." She took her phone out of her pocket and managed to miracle it so it appeared to be buzzing. "Outside. I won't be long."

"You'd better not be," said Quinn. "I won't do your part of the project for you!"

Ruby opened the sliding glass door and stepped outside. She walked forward a few feet with the ghost by her side before stopping and lifting the phone to her ear in case anyone was watching.

"What the hell's your problem?" Ruby demanded.

"I'm bored," Lethe said, obviously not at all bothered by her conduct. "Why? What's yours? You usually get a kick out of stuff like this."

"Yeah, but I'm in public today," she snapped. "I'm in front of people!"

"Yeah, you were in front of people last time we went in public together," Lethe reminded her. "So I don't get what you're mad about!"

"I've got a lot going on, okay, and I can't mess this up! So this better be important! Why are you here?"

"I came to find you," Lethe said. "You haven't been at home."

"Yeah, I've been busy," she hissed. "You can't be here! We talked about this! You can't just show up places!"

Lethe was stung by her tone. "Well what was I supposed to do?" she asked. "You're never around when I show up and you keep cancelling on me!"

"I've told you, I've got school and homework and all these rehearsals!"

"And so there's no time left over for me, then?"

"There's no time for anything! I didn't ask for this, you know! I actually specifically told God that I didn't want any of this Chosen One nonsense! But she sent you anyway! And I'm trying to be nice about it, but I'm sorry that I can't make this go faster! I can't spend every waking moment trying to help you, you know! I do have a life!"

She realized what she'd said a moment after the words left her lips.

Lethe glowered at her. "Must be nice," she said simply.

Ruby completely forgot to keep the phone in front of her face to keep up the charade. "I-I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean it like that."

Lethe put up a hand to stop her. "No, you did. Go ahead, say how you really feel. I'm sorry I was such a burden on you. I didn't mean to be."

"Lee," Ruby said helplessly. "Lethe, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, you're not-"

"I'm sorry for wasting your life," Lethe said. "I of all people should know how precious that is."

She disappeared, leaving Ruby standing alone in the garden. Ruby didn't know why she felt so bad about this, but she did. Her lips trembled and she brushed the beginnings of tears from her eyes before steeling herself. She had to pretend to be okay. She had to go back inside and finish her project. Sorting this out could wait.

...

The ride home was silent.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Aziraphale finally offered.

"Not really," Ruby said as she leaned her head against the car window.

"That girl was bothering you?" Aziraphale asked.

"What?" Ruby asked. "Oh. Quinn? No. I mean, yeah, her mum made me drink kale juice-"

 _"Kale_ juice?" Aziraphale interjected. "Absolutely horrifying! Crowley, turn this car around right now so I can give this woman a piece of my mind!"

"He's joking," Crowley assured Ruby, even as the corners of his mouth twitched.

"Only partially," Aziraphale replied. "Please at least tell me you were fed adequately."

"Aziraphale," Crowley said. "I don't think this is relevant."

Aziraphale realized he'd let Ruby steer the conversation again. She was good at that. "Ah. Yes. So if that wasn't the problem, then what was?"

Ruby sighed. "Lethe was there."

"The ghost?" asked Aziraphale. "Whatever for?"

"Looking for me."

"Ah," said Aziraphale. 

"It didn't go well," said Ruby. "I think I hurt her feelings."

"What did you say to her?" asked Aziraphale.

"Does it matter?" Ruby asked.

"Perhaps not. But it'll get better. You'll make up and it'll all be fine. Friends fight."

Ruby sat up straighter. "Friends?" she repeated. "We're not friends! I mean, I like her alright, but she's just someone who needs my help. Friends would imply she means to stick around, which she doesn't. She'll move on."

Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a look. They both knew well what it felt like to be in Ruby's position, though of course not exactly. "Things can get a smidge complicated, I know," Aziraphale said. "It was always the same with Crowley and me. We had such trouble for the first, oh, six thousand years. I can't speak for Crowley, but I had such trouble talking myself out of it. Always telling myself that once the war started, he'd move on to his side. We couldn't be friends, we had contradicting agendas. At the very least, he had to be using me for intel."

"I felt the same way at the time," Crowley confirmed. "Though I was a bit more honest with myself about how I felt about you..."

"Quite right, I was a bit of a mess when it came to handling it." He could tell this wasn't helping Ruby at all. "But we don't have to talk about this now. Why don't we go home and we'll put on Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. We can put this whole business from our minds."

Ruby smiled, immediately tempted by the idea of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. "Yeah, that sounds nice..." 

"You'll feel right as rain after that," Aziraphale said. "You always do."

Ruby was suddenly paying a lot of attention. "Hold on. What do you mean I always do?" She noticed a pattern. "Wait, you've been turning on that movie more and more lately...and usually just after I get out of therapy. What's going on here?"

Aziraphale fidgeted slightly. "Well, eh, we just noticed that you're a bit more relaxed and happy when you're watching that film," he explained. 

"So you put it on when I'm in a bad mood?" 

"Well...yes," said Aziraphale. "We don't want you to be sad, Ruby. Please don't be upset."

"I'm not," she said. "That's sweet, actually." There was a brief pause. "The first of October is tomorrow."

"Yeah, it is," said Crowley.

"Maybe we save the movie for then instead?" Ruby proposed.

"Why?"

"It's sort of stupid," she admitted. "But that's the date in the movie." She mimicked the voice from the movie. "The first of October, that's tomorrow!"

Aziraphale nodded. "Sounds like a good enough plan to me."

"It's just not right, you know," Ruby said.

"What isn't?" asked Aziraphale.

"Too much happened today," she said. "Sundays are supposed to be boring."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the people who follow me on Tumblr for your well-wishes. To answer your concerns, I'm actually just going to ignore this problem. For those who haven't kept up, I've been having terrible wisdom tooth pain for the past week or so. It's digging into my cheek making it impossible to bite down or close the jaw. It's also causing an ear ache and mild throat discomfort. But the symptoms are starting to fade a bit so I've decided just to ignore it. Even if I had the money to do something about it, this isn't the best time to be dealing with it. Maybe after Covid.
> 
> I hope you're all safe. I'd hoped this would be a longer chapter this week, but I haven't been sleeping well because of aforementioned tooth pain. I'm going to be posting a chapter a week for the foreseeable future though, so that should more than make up for only posting 2 chapters last month! Thank you all again!


	25. Pretty

Ruby bounded into the room with a newfound enthusiasm the next morning.

"There she is!" Aziraphale said. "Just in time for chocolate pancakes!"

"Sweet!" she said, taking a plate and sitting down.

"How are you feeling, dear?" asked Aziraphale. He could feel that she was still bothered by the fight from the night before.

"Fine," she said. "Honestly, I'm good. It's October! Things are bound to be better in October!"

"Why's that, dear?" asked Aziraphale.

"Because it's Halloween! Everything will be pumpkins and scary movies and candy! Ooooh and the decorations! You can't forget the decorations!"

Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a look. Aziraphale's look seemed to say _you handle this one._

Crowley took the seat opposite her. "There's something we need to talk about, Ruby."

She paused in her chewing. "What?"

"Well, it's just that Halloween isn't really that popular in this country. Not that it's completely unheard of, there's just not a whole lot of, you know, decorations and such."

"But that's stupid!" she said. "Halloween was _invented_ in this country! You mean to tell me they don't even do it properly?"

Crowley shrugged. "I'm very sorry."

He and Aziraphale could feel her mood drop.

"Ruby?" Aziraphale pressed.

She forced a smile. "It's fine. It's just that it wasn't very popular where I came from either. I thought that maybe, just this once...It's fine."

...

Ruby had a lot on her mind at lunch that day.

"You're quiet," Nick said. 

"I'm eating," Ruby replied. "Hard to talk and eat at the same time."

"Anything to do with hanging out with Quinn yesterday?" Selwyn asked.

She didn't want to say what it was actually about but knew there was no way to get around their questions. "Maybe. Did you know her mum's American?"

"Yeah," Nick said. "She was like a model or summink. You didn't know?"

"Don't know much about anything, really," Ruby admitted.

"So you don't know who her dad is?" asked Chell. 

"No?" Ruby replied.

"She'll be so upset," Chell said gleefully.

"Well?" Ruby pressed. "Who is he?"

"The CEO of Templeton Oil," Max said. "Bloke's loaded. I mean who else could afford to marry a model?"

"Oil," Ruby said bitterly. "Yeah, I should've expected that. They seem like the type who would be profiting off of the destruction of our Earth."

Max, Nick, and Chell exchanged a look.

"I _told_ you!" Nick said.

"I have to admit it's compelling evidence," said Max.

"Evidence?" Ruby asked. "Did you need evidence that Quinn is completely horrible?"

"What?" Nick asked. "No! We've completely moved on from that. Try to keep up."

"If it helps, I feel like I've missed something too," said Selwyn.

"I'll settle this," said Max. "We should just _ask_ her already!"

Ruby watched as Max got out a cellphone. "Ask who what?"

Max held up the phone. "Is this you?"

The latest installment of the podcast "The Witching Hour with Anathema Device" began to play.

"We've got obsessed with this new podcast," Nick explained. "It's so funny. Conspiracy theories and history stuff. The main presenter is this lady Anathema, but she's got this co-host named Verity. We all know this is a stage name because they joke about it all the time. We started to notice that things that you get mad about end up on the next week's Verity Minute."

Ruby hadn't expected anyone to ever hear about this podcast she'd been doing every week with Anathema. She knew they had some followers, but it hadn't been exactly popular. She'd picked the name Verity because it meant 'truth' in Latin. She spent a lot of the podcast challenging Anathema's assumptions or backing her up with further evidence and sources she could dig up, but the Verity Minute was a rant she got about any subject of her choice before they'd discuss it further.

" _And now for today's Verity Minute,_ " Anathema was saying. _"This is the part of the show where I shut up."_

 _"Thank you, Anathema,"_ Ruby said. _"This week I'd like to discuss the issues with the industries that profit from making us insecure. We're told we'll never be deserving of basic decency unless we buy expensive products for our hair and face, and we must learn how to completely change our features with products that are terrible for our skin. I'm guilty of buying in myself. I'd like to specifically talk about the most sinister of these industries - the diet industry. We should really be more bothered by diet culture which makes us feel bad about our natural shape just to make us buy their products which are actually harmful to our bodies. There's a growing body of evidence showing that your natural shape is just how you are and there's not much you can do about that. People will point to others who lose a ton of weight, but weight is almost impossible to keep off if you're being healthy and not starving yourself. The minute you stop using the diet, you'll gain the weight back on because our genetics dictate it. And I'm saying this as someone who was very skinny until recently. Back when I was skinny, people would tell me that I was unattractive because I needed to gain weight. So being shamed for being fatter now is hilarious. Because it doesn't actually matter what you do. You'll never be that model in the magazine. The model in the magazine isn't even the model in the magazine after photoshop has its way with her. Because the point isn't actually to make you fatter or skinnier. It's for corporations to turn us all against each other. If they can make some people uphold their superiority complexes by shaming us, then it perpetuates the capitalist cycle and makes more money. This has been the Verity Minute."_

 _"So true,"_ Anathema said. _"So true."_

"You said the exact same thing last week," Nick said. "That's how we figured out it was you."

"Nick, I told you, we can't just jump to conclusions," Max said. "It _is_ you, right? Because like we're the kind of conspiracy nuts who'd listen to a train wreck like this so cracking this one would be so cool."

Ruby didn't know what to say, so she decided to go with the truth. "Alright, okay? It's me. You cracked the case." She didn't like the way they were laughing and high fiving. "But you can't tell anyone."

"Why would we _tell_ anyone?" Max asked. "If we _told_ people, we wouldn't be part of a conspiracy anymore. People would just _know."_

"So you really know Anathema Device?" asked Chell. 

"Yeah, she's my sister," Ruby said.

" _What_?" Nick said. "Wait, hold on, I can't wrap my head around this."

"You mean that literally?" asked Max.

"Yeah," Ruby said. "Why?"

"You look _nothing alike_ ," said Nick.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean we're not related," said Ruby. "Wait, how do you know what she looks like?"

"She's got a profile picture on her page," said Max. "There's never been a picture of Verity though."

"You're _really_ related to her?" Chell asked. 

"We're, like, obsessed with her," said Nick. 

"And not just because she's totally hot," said Chell. "Which she is, by the way. Can you introduce us?"

Ruby was again at a loss. "Maybe. I'll have to talk to her about it. You guys _really_ listen to my podcast?"

"Every week," Nick nodded. "It's hilarious and makes you think. This one was different though. More serious."

"You didn't like it?" Ruby asked.

"The opposite, actually," Nick admitted. "I think you should talk about real stuff more often. It's fun talking about cryptids and debunking conspiracies, but I think there were a lot of people who needed to hear that their bodies are fine the way they are. It meant a lot."

"You're welcome?" Ruby said. She couldn't help but wonder about Nick sometimes when he said things like this, but she always figured it was none of her business.

Things were beginning to make a weird amount of sense, and she wasn't sure she liked it.

...

Ruby had something that had been brewing in her mind for the past few weeks, and now she felt that if she didn't let it out it would burn her from the inside. She approached Mr Sloughtner at the end of rehearsal.

"Excuse me," she said timidly. He didn't hear her so she tried again louder. "Excuse me, Mr Sloughtner?"

He looked up at her. "Yes? What is it?"

"I have a few ideas," she said. "Things I think could make this play better."

"Better?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. "You think it's not good now?"

She knew she'd made a mistake. "No, I didn't mean that. It's very good. I just have some ideas."

He sized her up. "You're the understudy. What's your name again?"

"Ruby, sir, Ruby Fell?" She hated saying 'sir', but she felt it was in her best interest. "I'm in your Cold Reading class."

"Right, yes, second row," he said absently. "I remember now. What is it you want?"

"I think we could restructure this play," she said. "We have the time. Just a few added lines here and there. Recontextualize it. We could have a completely new take on the material and I think it would be revolutionary." She took out her notebook to show him. "See? We could make Taming of the Shrew into a horror movie."

He pushed the notebook away without even glancing at it. "A new take? Who are you to make a 'new take' on a classic? You think you could do this better than a bard? You're just an understudy. No, we leave the play as is."

She was disappointed, but not surprised. "Yes, of course. Sorry I wasted your time."

...

Aziraphale and Crowley knew Ruby's spirits were low on the drive home.

"I'm sorry that it didn't work out, Ruby," said Crowley. 

"It's actually a pretty good idea," Aziraphale said. "I'd pay to see it."

She didn't say anything.

"We actually got you something," Crowley said. "While you were out today."

That got her attention. "Did you?"

"Of course we did," Crowley replied. "You were so put out when we left this morning. We don't like seeing you so down."

"Well what is it?" Ruby demanded. "Tell me!"

"Patience, my dear," said Aziraphale, as Crowley drove the car around a bend toward their home.

Ruby's jaw dropped when she saw the house.

Aziraphale smiled. "You did always say you wanted a tower."

Aziraphale and Crowley had spent the day magically remodeling the house. They'd removed Ruby's bedroom and constructed a tower directly in the center of the house. It wasn't terribly tall, but it was a very nice addition. 

Ruby ran into the house and emitted a low squeal. Tiny streamers adorned with images of bats were strung through the rafters. A jack-o-lantern was burning away on the mantle. 

"We know it's not much," Crowley said. "But I know how important Halloween is to you. I thought you might want to help us decorate the rest."

The furniture had all been moved to make way for a spiral staircase at the center of the room. She followed it with her eyes up into the tower.

"Mine?" she asked.

"Yours," said Aziraphale.

"Bit of a tall staircase," Ruby said. 

"We know how much you hate that kind of exercise," said Crowley. "So you can fly up if you like. Or..."

He and Aziraphale stepped onto the bottom step. Aziraphale held out a hand to help her onto it. She took it and smiled.

"Pick a password," said Aziraphale.

"What?" she asked.

"Pick a password," he said. "It will only respond to people who have the password."

"Alright?" she said quizzically. She cast her mind about to think of something suitable. Her eyes fell on the candlelit jack-o-lantern. "Wax...wings?"

The staircase immediately responded to the password and began moving upwards like an escalator. She laughed and clung to the banister.

They reached the top and stepped off. The staircase stopped.

"Wax wings?" Aziraphale asked. "What does that mean?"

"Nothing," she admitted. "First two words that popped into my head."

She took this chance to look around. The staircase had deposited them on a landing that was shielded from view in the rest of the house. There were many windows around the circumference of the room and all had thick curtains drawn across them. There was a small hearth burning away next to a large canopy bed and several large bookcases. Her mushrooms had been moved up here.

"It's not much yet," Crowley admitted. "Thought you might want to Halloween it up. Maybe some false cobwebs or something. We didn't put up your posters because we thought you might want to do that yourself. And if you want, you can invite some friends round for Halloween this year."

"Really?" Ruby asked, excitement mounting. She'd always wanted to have a Halloween party. "I mean, I'll have to find some friends first, but I'd _love_ that!"

"Whatever you like, Ruby," said Aziraphale.

"So where do we start?" asked Crowley. 

"With what?" she asked.

"You need to teach us to do Halloween," Crowley explained. "We'll never figure it out on our own. We're hopeless."

She chuckled. "You are, yeah."

"So teach us some Halloween appreciation," he insisted. 

A slow smile crept over her face. "Okay, but I'm gonna need hot chocolate first."

"I'm on it!" said Aziraphale. 

"Monster movie marathon, is it?" Crowley offered.

"Yeah," she grinned. "But how about we watch Willy Wonka first? It _is_ the first of October, after all."

"We can do that," Crowley said fondly. They began to head downstairs.

"We can do a lot with this space if we really focus on our decorations," Ruby said. "Can we have animatronics? I've always wanted some proper animatronics."

"Whatever you like, dear," said Aziraphale. "You'll just have to explain to me what on Earth an animatronic is."

"There's this one I saw once that looks like a giant alien in a vat!" Ruby said obliviously. "Oh and we could get like zombie corpses that drag themselves around!"

" _Zombie corpses?"_ Aziraphale said indignantly.

"I agree, it simply wouldn't go with the decor," Crowley said, repressing a smile. 

"I'll have to show you a website," Ruby said. "We'll see what's doable."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I intended to have more done by now, but things have been kind of crazy around here. So I'm putting up what I've got lol. I'll be back in a few days and things will get properly started then.


	26. Misfit

Ruby was glad that it was Tuesday. Any other day of the week could be disappointing, but she had Grimm Brothers rehearsal on Tuesday and that was always a good time. But even with the promise of fun later on, she couldn't help but be a little pensive at lunch.

"You gonna come, Ruby?"

"Hm?" she said. She hadn't been paying attention.

"We're all going for food before comedy night," Nick explained. "Are you coming with or are you gonna meet us there?"

"Comedy night?" she repeated. Then she remembered. "Oh that thing tonight? I'm not sure if I'm going. Was just planning on going home after rehearsal."

"Have you gone to anything this term, Ruby?" Chell asked. "Now I think about it, I haven't seen you at any events."

"I've been rehearsing a lot," she pointed out.

"So have we," said Max. "But we still turn up."

"You've got to come to some school events, Ruby," Selwyn said. "It's part of the experience."

"So what's comedy night anyway?" asked Ruby.

"It'll only take an hour," Nick said. "All the comedy class are doing sketches and stand up. There might be audience participation improv bits too. You've gotta come, you'd love it!"

"I mean, I'll have to ask my dads," she said. "They usually pick me up after school. I'd have to let them know times and stuff."

"Ugh, your dads still drive you?" Nick asked. "That's so embarrassing. My mum's the worst, I can't imagine if I had to put up with her on the drive every day."

"My dad's been a right prick lately," Chell added. "Sometimes he's just absolutely horrible. My happy place is just a world without parents."

"God can you imagine?" Max said. "That would be the best. Any time you start to hate your parents you can just pop em into another dimension."

"They're that bad?" Ruby asked, trying not to show her concern in case it put them off. 

"Yeah, you know how parents are," Nick said. 

"They're all: do this, do that," said Chell.

"'Are you sure about that hair color?'" added Nick in a high-pitched voice.

"'Wear this dress to church today,'" Max chimed in bitterly.

"What about you?" Nick said, encouragingly. "Come on, this is Commiseration Station. How horrible are your parents?"

Ruby's concern had evaporated over the course of their remarks. "I love my dads, actually," she said frostily. "I enjoy hanging out with them mostly. They don't always do everything perfectly, but they try very hard. I'm not the easiest person to get along with, so it means a lot. And honestly, even if they weren't, I don't think it's good to be throwing the word hate around so much. Maybe you're mad at them sometimes, but if you go round casually acting like they're terrible then it makes it so people who are actually being abused at home feel like it's just normal to hate their parents. It's okay to complain or whatever, but don't use words you don't mean."

A short silence followed these words. 

"Sorry," Nick said. "I didn't mean it like that."

"I know," she said. "Just asking for consideration."

Selwyn was eager to change the subject. "So _are_ you coming to comedy night?"

Ruby was actually glad for the change in topic. "Still have to ask," she said. "But they'll probably say yes. They pretty much let me do whatever I want within reason."

"Lucky," Max said.

Ruby smiled. "I know."

"You should come too, Selwyn," said Chell. "If you feel like it."

Selwyn seemed as surprised to be asked as Ruby had been. "Yeah, I'll think about it."

...

"They said I can ride with them to get food after rehearsal," Ruby said. "But I wanted to check with you first."

"That's fine," Crowley said. "But how late will you be out? I feel like I should remind you that it's a school night, but I'm not sure why that's relevant. That's just what parents are supposed to say."

"Thing should be over 'round 7," she said. "You can pick me up then, if that's alright?"

"Yeah, sounds good," Crowley said. 

The warning bell rang. "Gotta get to class," she said. "I'll see you then."

...

Freya Devlin took her place at the front of her class and looked out over the sea of students. 

"Make sure you're all warmed up," she said. "We're doing more action work today. Stuntwork practice is no joke." She took a swig of water. "Anyway, I've got a bit of news, so focus. I've just got word that I've got approval to take some lucky miscreants on a class trip in a few weeks. The headmaster just approved the request during class change, so you're the first group to know and you can get in on the ground floor. How many of you have ever seen a West End show?"

Ruby's was the only hand that didn't go up.

"How many of you have been part of a West End show?"

Only one or two hands stayed up. Ruby looked at Nick with surprise.

"What?" he muttered to her, evidently amused. "I was chorus in Oliver years back."

"Well now you'll get a taste of both," Freya said. "I've still got an in with the current cast production of Chicago and I've got the opportunity to reserve seats on the 18th for whoever reserves theirs first! I'm covering most of the costs myself since tickets don't run cheap, so you'll only need to pitch in £10 per seat. Offer only open to actual students in my classes - you don't get plus ones. This will include backstage passes before the show where you get to meet the cast and see how a real West End show is built! I've got permission forms all drawn up so make sure you get your parents to sign them!"

Ruby took the permission slip she was offered and stared at it as if hardly daring to believe it.

" _Chicago?_ " she hissed. " _Wicked!"_

"No that's a totally different show," Nick said.

She nudged him playfully on the arm without looking away from the permission slip. 

"Permission forms are due by the end of the week so I can reserve seats," Freya said. "Seriously, I can't stress enough how you will _not_ receive a ticket without a signed permission slip! If you have any questions and concerns, feel free to see me at any time."

...

Freya had announced that the Grimm Brothers rehearsal would be in the auditorium today. After all, the show was opening in 3 weeks, so the cast needed to get acclimated to using the space.

Max watched the scene play out. "Good, still good. I just feel like it's missing something. Some extra twist."

Max had been initially nervous to step into the role of director, but was finally flourishing there. 

"Anyone got any ideas?" Max asked. "Anything at all to spice it up?"

"I think it looks good, Max," said Freya. "Everyone's doing a fantastic job."

"Right, yeah, I know. But I still feel like we could do something else with it. Put our own spin on it." Max noticed how Ruby looked as though she wanted to say something. "Yeah, Ruby? You got something to say?"

Ruby couldn't've been more put on the spot if she'd had an actual spotlight on her. "No," she lied. "Of course not. I mean..." She came so close to saying her idea out loud, then remembered how it had gone when she'd given notes to Sloughtner the day before. "No, no, definitely not."

"I'd expect an acting student to be a better liar than that," Bradley said. "C'mon. Out with it."

She still hesitated. "I mean it's already a really good scene. The whole thing's good, really. My idea is less of a note and more of a suggestion for the whole play. Something I think could add an extra layer to it."

"Like what?" asked Max.

"Well..." Ruby said slowly. "What if Chell and Bradley pretend their characters are secretly in love with each other?"

Bradley laughed. "What?"

"Yeah," Ruby said bashfully. "Stupid, I know. Forget I said anything."

Max put up a hand to quiet everyone. "No, go on. I'm listening."

Ruby blinked. "Really?"

Max nodded. "Make your pitch."

Ruby hadn't been expecting encouragement, but felt oddly emboldened by it. "Well, I mean, Narrator One spends the entire play trying to be this serious straight-laced person but secretly has a more playful nature. Narrator Two is more extroverted and devil-may-care about things, which makes him less focused. This causes the main conflict between the two of them. She needs him to focus, but he keeps derailing the entire play. We wouldn't have to change a single line, we'd just have to change the delivery. Add a backstory in your own heads of those two characters. I suggest a sort of Ron and Hermione deal. That's the vibe I'm getting, anyway. Instead of them just being these two polar opposites who share a stage for no reason, it gives them this added layer. He's no longer just completely unfocused and bouncing off the walls, he's trying to get a reaction out of her. You can choose whether it's deliberately trying to annoy her or to make her laugh. And on the other end, she's trying to focus but she's just nervous because she doesn't want to admit the feelings she has for him. Maybe they had a thing in the past and it ended badly but working on this play is reminding them of what they had with each other? Everyone's a sucker for deeply repressed feelings that both people resent having. Like I said, it's up to you. And it's a stupid idea, I know. It's just how I'd do it."

But Bradley at least looked oddly impressed. "That's actually not a bad idea."

"I'd be willing to give it a shot," Chell said.

Max was still deep in thought. "Alright. Run it again from the top, but play it like you've got repressed feelings that you're resentful of. That could work." 

Ruby was shocked. She hadn't expected her ideas to be well-received at all. It was a new, strange feeling to be listened to and valued by her own peers. It was something not unlike pride.

...

"I think we'd better end it here," Freya said as the clock approached 4. "Don't forget - if you want to go see Chicago, get those permission slips signed!"

Ruby lingered downstage right and took a swig from her water bottle. 

"So you coming or what?" Nick asked. 

"Hm?" she asked, even though she knew exactly what she was referring to. She had this strange nervousness about social interactions and preferred more explicit invitations. "Oh the food thing? Yeah, I mean, my dads said I can come."

"Brill!" he said. "I'll just go bring the car 'round. You three meet me out front in five."

...

If Ruby had to describe the kind of car Nick drove, she wouldn't be able to. Not because it was particularly extraordinary - quite the opposite. She simply knew nothing about cars. It was tan, bit rinky-dink, not very special. Well, not until you saw all the rainbow flag bumper stickers on the back. Nick and Max took front seat while Chell, Ruby, and Selwyn took the back.

"We'll pop by Shakeaway first then hit up Nandos," Nick said. "Standard procedure."

"This is our post-rehearsal ritual," Max explained. "Started it round a year back. Shakeaway then Nandos."

"Honored to be included," Selwyn said.

"Everybody think about what you want now," Nick said. "I'm not having another nightmare at the drive thru."

"Oi!" Chell protested.

"It's not my fault you can't make a bloody decision," Nick teased.

Ruby was anxious about giving up her normal British teenage cover, but she felt she had no option. "I've never actually been to a Nandos," she admitted. "Don't really know what it is. That's like the meme, right? Also don't really know what a Shakeaway is."

"Christ, really?" Max asked. "Someone pull up a menu for this girl quick! We are NOT having another drive thru disaster!"

"I've got it for you here," Selwyn said softly, having been on it since the moment Ruby admitted to never having been there. She handed Ruby her phone and Ruby was oddly touched by this gesture. In any normal world, it wouldn't mean anything. But Selwyn knew that Ruby wasn't from here and wasn't even human. She was trying to help.

"That's alright," Ruby said. "But I'm not really gonna eat today."

Nick glanced at her in the rear-view mirror. "Ruby Fell's not eating? Have we fallen into bizarro world? You alright?"

"Fine," she said. "Just didn't bring any money when I left the house today. Figured I'd eat when I got home."

"That's no problem then," Nick said. "I'll just pay for you this time."

Ruby was flustered and didn't know how to respond. "That's alright, you don't have to do that-"

"Sure I do," Nick said. "I sprung it on you last minute, didn't give you time to prepare. Should've thought that through more. I'll pay for you this one time. Think of it as a free trial. You've shared with us, and your stuff is actually quality. So least I can do is return the favor where I can."

She wasn't used to such unexpected acts of kindness. She'd almost become accustomed to it from Aziraphale and Crowley, but from real human teenagers? It was almost impossible. "I mean, I guess I am hungry. But only if you insist."

"I do," said Nick firmly. "Ruby Fell's not gonna starve herself tonight. Not on my watch."

...

Ruby's favorite roadside haunt had always been Sonic. She hadn't particularly favored the food (except for the cheese sticks, cheddar peppers, and cinna bites), but had always LOVED their milkshakes that went half off after 8 pm. She normally got an oreo chocolate shake, but sometimes she'd mix it up. The only time she'd ever had a better milkshake had been when Aziraphale made them over the summer. 

So when she stepped foot in an establishment that boasted almost 200 milkshake flavors and potentially millions of combinations, she was over the moon about it.

"Who the hell's drinking an avocado milkshake?" she asked. "I mean don't get me wrong, I love avocado, but it doesn't belong there. Nothing healthy belongs in a milkshake, it's just not right."

"Cheers, mate," Nick agreed.

"I'm getting the Barbara again," Chell said. "It's the only way to avoid another Disaster."

"Got it," Nick said. "Chell's got the totally safe option again."

"What's the Barbara?" Ruby asked, scanning the menu for it.

"It's white Kinder Bueno and marshmallows with chocolate buttons on top," Chell said.

"Right," Ruby said, as if this cleared anything up.

"I'm going with Terry's Chocolate Orange," said Max. "Just a bit of whip cream on top'll be fine."

"Choc Orange Whip," Nick repeated.

"I'll do apple pie with whip cream and butterscotch," said Selwyn.

"Apple pie, whip cream, fake caramel," Nick said. "And you Ruby?"

"Me?" Ruby asked. "Oh uh. I dunno. What do you think I should get?"

"I'm getting chocolate and chili," Nick said. "Gives it an extra kick."

Her eyes lit on one menu item. "Okay, what the fuck is a flying saucer?" she asked. "Is it like all alien themed? Will it be green? Tell me it's mint or something because there's no way in hell I'm doing another kale smoothie."

"Not quite," Selwyn said. "It means flying saucer. The candy."

Ruby bit back her natural instinct to ask what that was.

"Okay, okay, fine, I'll make a decision then," she grumbled. "I'll have a..." Her eyes found something familiar on the menu. "Oreo cookie. With whip cream." 

...

"Now it's against the rules to drink your milkshake before we've got our food," Nick explained to Selwyn and Ruby as they returned to the car. "Trust me, it's better this way. So, usuals for everyone?"

They all climbed in the car to a resounding chorus of 'yeah, sounds good.'

Max, Chell, and Nick very rarely deviated from their typical Nandos pickings. Max would take Nandoca's, Chell would take a veggie burger, and Nick would take a chicken caesar salad.

"What about you two?" Nick asked, turning to look at Ruby and Selwyn. "What'll you have?"

"Just a chicken burger for me," said Selwyn.

Ruby frantically checked the menu one more time. "Who even eats chicken liver? What kind of person eats livers?"

"You'll have to ask the olds, Ruby," said Chell.

"The elderlies have strange ideas about what's edible," said Nick. "So what'll you have if not the liver?"

"Avocado and roasted pepper bowl, I guess?" she said tentatively. "I feel like I shortchanged the avocado back at Shakeaway."

"Fair enough," Nick said.

...

They ate their food in the car, and Ruby had to admit that she was having a pretty good time.

"I also would've liked some warning so I could bring a change of clothes," Ruby complained. "I _hate_ being in public with my uniform! I noticed Selwyn is the only other person in this car who kept hers on!"

"God yeah," Max said.

"We wouldn't be caught dead," agreed Chell.

"So who's going to Chicago?" Nick asked excitedly. "I can't wait, I've always wanted to see that one live!"

"God yeah, I know," said Ruby. "It's my all-time favorite musical! I can't _believe_ I'm getting the chance to see it! I watch it _at least_ once a week! Got it memorized!"

"Didn't know you were a singer, Ruby," said Max.

"Oh I'm really really not," Ruby said. "Real pitchy. But it's a _great_ musical! I'd sell my soul just to see it!"

"You've got one of those?" Selwyn asked. It sounded like playful ribbing, but Ruby knew there was a genuine note of interest in the question.

"Jury's still out," Ruby said. "And maybe not. But who needs a soul anyway? All my homies hate souls."

Everyone burst out laughing. 

"Your what, mate?" asked Max.

Ruby started to get defensive before realizing that they were just having fun, they weren't actually being mean. She started to laugh as well as she found the humor in it. "It's that meme. I was trying to...meme. Won't happen again."

"It better not!" said Max.

"So that's your favorite musical, Ruby?" Nick asked.

"Yeah," she replied. "Why? What's yours? Wait, let me guess." She sized him up. "Pink, effeminate, makes moon-eyes at the unavailable freewheeling bisexual-"

"Now hold on, I do not make _moon-eyes_ ," Nick protested. "I don't even know what you're talking about!"

"I know moon-eyes when I see 'em," Ruby said firmly. "My dads make them at each other when they think I can't see them. It's super gross and totally adorable."

But Nick was still hung up on the word. _"Moon-eyes..."_ he whispered.

"But what's your guess, Ruby?" Max pressed. "Based solely on the moon-eyes."

Ruby considered this. "Alright, Nick. How about on count of three, you say your favorite musical and I'll make my guess. Sound fair?"

"Alright," he agreed. "Count of three."

"One," said Max.

"Two," said Chell.

"Three," said Selwyn.

"Moulin Rouge," they said together.

Nick was surprised but visibly impressed. Ruby smugly took a sip of her milkshake.

"Good guesswork, detective," Nick said.

She shrugged. "It wasn't that hard really. You come off as the secret sap type. Moulin Rouge was my favorite musical until I found Chicago, so I'll give you points for taste."

Selwyn nodded. "All the gays like Moulin Rouge," she agreed. "It's the eye candy. Equal opportunity, especially for bisexuals."

"So what's your favorite Selwyn?" Ruby asked.

"Oh Moulin Rouge for sure," said Selwyn. "I'm a glutton for pain. A true bohemian."

"Right, sure you are," Ruby chuckled.

"Well guess what my favorite is, Ruby," Chell said.

"Oh you and Max are inscrutable," Ruby admitted. "You don't give off visible vibes of any one musical. I couldn't possibly."

"I like Phantom of the Opera, personally," Chell admitted.

"I'm more of a Les Mis person myself," said Max. 

Ruby nodded. "Anti-capitalist. I like that."

"All your homies hate capitalism, Ruby?" Chell asked.

Ruby nudged her on the arm as they all dissolved into giggles again. "As a matter of fact, _yeah,_ " Ruby said. "All my homies _do_ hate capitalism!"

"God, make her stop!" Chell giggled.

It was an odd feeling, being part of the joke instead of _being_ the joke. It hit her then that this might be what an inside joke was. She'd always heard about them, but had never really experienced them.

"But no joke, Ruby, that was a _really_ good idea you had in rehearsal," Max said. "You've got good instincts. You should trust them more."

"I mean, I usually do," she said. "It's just not ever gotten me anywhere. People don't usually listen to what I have to say."

"Where'd you get an idea like that anyway?" asked Nick.

"From my dads," she admitted. "Narrator One especially reminds me of my dad. Really strict about the narrative, always exasperated about something, bit of a nerd. Narrator Two is a bit too loud to be Crowley, but I could see the beginnings of the same dynamic. They didn't always used to get along and had a long time before they could actually be together, but it was working on a sort of project that brought them back together. So I saw the same thing with these characters."

"Your family sounds adorable," said Chell.

"They are," said Selwyn.

"For real jell," said Nick.

...

They returned to school just moments before comedy night was set to begin. Ruby excused herself.

"Dads brought me a change of clothes," she lied. "Gotta go change."

"Oh can we meet them!" Nick said. "I need to meet these mystical gay dads!"

"Gotta admit to being curious," said Max.

"Not now," she said. She had to think up another lie. "They left 'em in my locker. They won't be back til after the show."

"Ah well," said Nick. "There's always next time."

"Meet you in there?" Ruby suggested.

She took the time to walk all the way back to her locker just to buy herself some time. Then she glanced to the left and glanced to the right. Nobody around? Good. She was gonna try something.

Aziraphale had been teaching her how to miracle a change of clothes, but she hadn't quite gotten it right. Sometimes the clothes got weirdly mixed together and other times they only existed so long as she focused on them. This was a problem, because if it didn't work out she didn't want to become naked in the middle of her school. But Aziraphale assured her that if she could just get it to feel solid and real, then it would become so. It wouldn't require upkeep if she could just manifest it completely. So she took a deep breath and tried it.

She raised her hands over her head and slowly lowered them, manifesting a new outfit as she went along. She thought it was best not to mess with makeup just because nobody would believe she applied it so quickly on top of everything, so she only focused on clothes. She manifested a black dress and polka dot tights with little red plaid flats. She really focused and concentrated.

"Ruby?" asked a voice, breaking her concentration. "What are you still doing out here? Show's about to start."

She looked up to find Bradley speaking to her. She quickly glanced down at herself and was relieved to find that she'd managed to fully manifest her clothes for the first time. She hadn't ended up naked!

_What a relief._

"Was just changing," Ruby said happily. 

"Nice outfit," he said. It wasn't a sleazy comment or even a mocking one, he was just making conversation. "I'm running a bit late, so I'm gonna dash. I've got a stand up act later on!"

He dashed away.

"Break a leg!" she called after him.

...

Ruby joined the others in the auditorium. 

"Saved you a seat," Selwyn said.

That was another courtesy that Ruby was unused to, so she took the seat slowly. She couldn't help but smile a little.

"Ruby Fell bringing it again," Nick said. It was a stamp of approval about her outfit.

"Yeah," Selwyn said. "I like the..." She realized she was talking and became so flustered that she forgot the word for 'tights'. "Legs," she said instead. She turned a deep shade of scarlet.

But Ruby only barely noticed the comment.

...

The show was a lot of fun. There were multiple improv and audience participation opportunities. Ruby's favorite was Bradley's stand up. He was surprisingly funny when writing his own material. Very witty, but never mean. That was a rare combination.

After he exited the stage, Ruby took the time to lean across Selwyn and whisper: "Moon-eyes."

"Shut up," Nick hissed.

...

The show ended and Ruby lingered inside to talk for a few minutes. This created a window of opportunity for someone to jump into the backseat of the Bentley, which had been idling nearby.

"Hello, boys," Miss Zima said.

"Good lord, Sibella," Aziraphale said, placing a hand over his chest and turning to make sure he was in her field of vision. He signed and spoke aloud simultaneously. "You scared the daylights out of me!"

"I do enjoy the element of surprise," Miss Zima grinned. "I always used to say, if I can't hear you, you shouldn't hear me." She turned to acknowledge the driver. "Hiya, Crowley."

He nodded. "Good to see you, Sibella. To what do we owe this visit?"

"To the point," Miss Zima said. "I always liked that about you. I just thought we should talk about Ruby."

"Ruby?" Aziraphale asked, alarmed. "Why? What's happened?"

Miss Zima smiled wider. "I knew it. I _knew_ she was yours. I didn't think anything of it when I saw her name, but the minute I saw her face...Well, it's like looking at Crowley at first. But then you notice the little bits of Aziraphale thrown in. I can't even imagine what kind of black magic you must've done to pull that off."

"But about Ruby?" Aziraphale pressed anxiously.

"It's nothing terrible," Miss Zima said. "She's a very good student. One of my brightest. Granted, I can tell she's got some traumas going on there, but I think she's coping remarkably well after whatever it is she went through. I've thought about reaching out to you before. But I didn't want to embarrass her."

"About what?" asked Crowley.

"Well, she sits in my first row, you know," she explained. "Right at the front of class lately. And she squints. Real proper squints. I think she needs glasses."

Crowley laughed. "She what?"

"I'm serious," Miss Zima said. "I think she could really benefit from some kind of vision aid. I think it would improve her quality of life significantly. I don't know if she's your kind - whatever that is - or if your kind even _have_ vision problems-"

"We do," Aziraphale said. " _I_ do. I have reading glasses, Crowley. She could've inherited this from me."

"I just think it's worth getting her tested," Miss Zima said. "Think about it?" 

She left the car quickly, leaving only silence in her wake.

"You think she could really need glasses, Crowley?" asked Aziraphale.

"It's worth looking into, at least," said Crowley.

...

Meanwhile, Ruby was in the green room with the others.

"I really like this improv thing," Ruby admitted. "It's super fun."

"Yeah," said Chell. "But the thing about improv is you're supposed to pretend you don't like it because it's massively uncool, when secretly everyone likes it."

"Okay, quick change," said Max, carefully taking Chell's extensions.

Chell quickly threw a large trench coat over her outfit and Max got to work smoothing out a black bob wig. Nick came over to help adjust it and put it in place.

"...What are you doing?" Ruby asked.

"Hm?" Chell said absently. "Oh this? We've gotta change before we go home. Can't let parents see us in our street clothes."

"Why?" Ruby asked.

"They're not allowed to dress how they want," said Nick. "Religious parents."

"Mine would flip if they saw what I did to my hair," Max said. "I'm gonna grow it out again and I probably won't ever do this color again! I'm just making a statement. They wouldn't get it."

Ruby instantly regretted certain things she'd said earlier. "Do you need help?" she asked. "I mean like...generally? I'm sorry I jumped down your throats earlier about complaining, if I'd realized-"

"No, you had a point," said Chell. "Don't blame you, really. Our parents are mostly alright."

"When they're not being annoying as hell," added Max. "Good?"

Nick nodded. "Good."

...

"I've just had _the best day_!" Ruby chattered excitedly as she climbed into the Bentley. "My idea went over well at rehearsal! And comedy night was so much fun! And I got to have a _milkshake!_ Oh oh and!" She reached in her bag for a slightly crumpled form. "Freya's gonna take the class to see Chicago! You _know_ how much I love Chicago! It's backstage and everything! We just need £10 and for you to sign this form! So can I go? It's not for another few weeks, but I _really_ wanna go!"

Aziraphale and Crowley were so pleased that she had a good day, and of course they were going to let her go. But they had something else on their mind. Aziraphale snapped his fingers to create a small pocket of light. 

"Of course you can go, dear," he said. "But can you read the first few lines of the form to us, please?"

It was a perplexing request to be sure. "Erm, alright?" she said. She raised it up in front of her face. "Form to see Chicago the Musical on 18th October," she read. So far so normal. But then the type face got smaller so she squinted and held the paper closer to her face. "Freya Devlin will be taking a group of students to see a musical at Victoria Palace on the 18th. Ticket price is £10 a head-"

Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a look.

"Yes, that'll be all, thank you, Ruby," said Aziraphale. "Hand it here."

She grinned and handed it over.

"So what's this thing you were saying about having an idea in rehearsal today?" Crowley said as he banished the light and started the car.

"Oh it was the best!" Ruby said. "I was just minding my own business when Max asked me what _I_ thought of the scene...Oh and I forgot!" She smacked herself on the forehead. "You see these clothes? I miracled them _an hour ago!_ "

"You did?" Aziraphale asked. "That's fantastic, Ruby!"

And it was like this all the way home. Aziraphale and Crowley were happy that she was happy. It was like a weight off their shoulders when they didn't have to worry as much. But Miss Zima had planted a small worry in their minds, and now they wondered what the best way was to address it.


	27. Marshmallows and Holy Bible

"I'm not saying we have to go," Crowley said. "I'm not even sure that I want to. It's just an option."

"It would be nice to get out of the house more," Aziraphale admitted. "But I don't know...seems an awful lot of work..."

Ruby entered the kitchen at that moment. "What are we talking about?" she asked, only half paying attention. This early in the morning, her brain was only half awake. She needed some breakfast.

Aziraphale smiled gently. "Nothing you need to worry about, my dear."

This made her more curious. "No really, I wanna know."

Aziraphale sighed. "Crowley wants to take me out dancing. Apparently there's a swing dancing club that sounds nice."

"Sounds fun," Ruby said. "For you guys, I mean. You guys like all that stuff. So what's the problem?"

"No problem, really," Aziraphale said. "Back in the day, I used to be quite fleet footed. I've just grown a little fond of domesticity, of late. I'd have to go dust off something nice to wear, and you _know_ how much I loathe dressing in anything else. I probably don't even fit in my old suits anymore, I'm not exactly as small as I used to be."

"Just let out the seams," Crowley said dismissively. "You're an angel, anything can magically fit."

"Not the point, dear," Aziraphale replied. "There's sure to be lots of young, fit people at these sorts of things. I'm all rather not, that is to say, young and fit."

"What are you talking about?" Crowley said. "You're gorgeous." He wrapped his arms around Aziraphale's waist and held him close. "But we don't have to go if you feel so insecure about it. We were just talking about finding a thing to do, and this is one idea."

Aziraphale smiled. "I'll think about it."

...

"Ruby? Hey Ruby?"

Ruby realized with a start that she was being spoken to and slowed down to allow a girl with shockingly pink hair to catch up with her. "Yeah?"

The girl smiled shyly. "I've come to get your measurements."

"My...measurements?"

"Yeah, for your costume? For Taming of the Shrew. I know I could just wait to get it when we do proper fittings tomorrow for Grimm Brothers, but I'm being proactive."

"That's, ah, nice?"

"Oh sorry, I don't think we've actually talked before," the girl said. "I'm Katie, I'm in your Shakespeare class? I'm doing costumes on both of the plays you're in."

"Right, yeah," she said. "I remember you now. Oh but, uh, sorry, I don't actually know off the top of my head. I had a bit of a growth spurt lately, don't really know my measurements."

Katie nodded. "That's fine, yeah, that's chill. We'll just take measurements tomorrow. I just got through the rough sketches of the Katherine costume so I thought it would be a good time to get ahead."

"You've got sketches?"

"Yeah," Katie said. "Wanna see?" She pulled a notebook out of her bag and flipped it open to the relevant page. "These are several primary outfit ideas we've got so far. We haven't made 'em yet. Basically the rough outlines of what you'll eventually end up in at various points in the play."

Ruby looked at the beautiful sketches and felt a twinge of anxiety. "They're all a bit form-fitting aren't they?"

"Just a bit, yeah," Katie said absently. She flipped the notebook shut. "I saw you lot out at comedy night last night."

"Oh did you?" Ruby asked. 

"Yeah," Katie said. "That was fun, right? I liked the bit with the curtains."

"Yeah that was good," she said.

"Always said Nick should do more comedy," she carried on. "He's well funny if you give him the space to be, you know? Think he gets a bit too far into his own head about it, talks himself out of the joke."

Ruby noticed something suddenly. "Your hair's about the same color as Nick's," she pointed out. "You go to the same stylist or something?"

She blushed. "What? No! But do you think he likes it? The color looks so good on him, I just had to try it myself, you know?"

Ruby was at a loss for words. "You know Nick is..." She decided mid-sentence that this was none of her business. "Just a real nice guy."

"Yeah," Katie glowed. "He sure is. Real nice. We're gonna go to cinema at some point, you know. Keeps giving me rain check when I bring it up, but that's just because he's so busy all the time. So you're part of that group now?"

Ruby was alarmed by the brisk change in topic. "I dunno if I'd say that. I'm not really a group person."

"Fair enough, yeah," she laughed. "Fair enough. Yeah, me neither. I mean I'd like to be, don't get me wrong. If I got invited along, I'd be there in a heart beat because they're so cool, you know? I'd probably just annoy them, you know, I'm better in small doses. I can be a little intense sometimes." She laughed and Ruby politely laughed too. "I mean it's a little hard, you know, not really being counted most of the time. Don't really go anywhere. Not like on TV where you've got friends and you know who's your friends, you know? Maybe people just politely tolerate you or just want something from you and will drop you later." She blinked. "Sorry! That got dark! My mind wanders places without me, sorry! Anyway, yeah. We'll do your measurements tomorrow." She grinned. "See you then."

Ruby stood frozen in place, unable to really tell what had happened there. "Yeah!" she replied, a second too late. "See you then!"

...

"I'm just on the fence about it really," Ruby said as she gazed out the tinted windows of the Bentley.

"About the costume?" Aziraphale asked.

"I mean it's not like I've even been fitted yet," Ruby admitted. "So I don't know what I'm so worried about. But I've seen the sketches for Quinn's Katherine costume and...Well, it's beautiful, honestly. Just don't know if it would look exactly right on me."

"Why wouldn't it?"

She shrugged. "I'm a bit bigger? She's all tall and proportional. I'm all sort of not."

This statement concerned him slightly. "What on Earth do you mean?"

"I'm not exactly as small as I used to be," Ruby said. "But it doesn't bother me too much. If push comes to shove, we'll just find a costume that looks better with my shape. It can be done easily. I'm just a bit self conscious. Don't think something that form-fitting will look right on me, even with the corset." 

Aziraphale recognized what she was getting at and felt saddened by it. "You're perfect the way you are," he assured her. "Don't ever feel you have to change yourself to fit some narrow idea of what's desirable. I don't want you to ever feel bad about yourself."

"Hm? Oh you think I'm like actually really bothered by it?" She smiled. "Thanks, Dad, but it's so not a big deal. I wouldn't change myself for the world. There used to be a time when I really wanted to, but now I've got what I wanted. I've always been a bit self-conscious. There's a part of me that'll always think I look silly in everything. That doesn't really stop me though. Can't live life constantly worried about looking silly."

"It's a good and wise point, Ruby," Aziraphale said. "More of us should take cues from you."

He knew Ruby was being sincere, but he couldn't help but feel guilty anyway. Undoubtedly she'd heard him once or twice express insecurity about his weight. It was never anything big - just an offhand comment or two wondering if he wasn't in proper form. The truth was, he rather liked this shape. He could Miracle himself into fighting form if he wanted to, but he was fond of being soft. He knew Crowley was fond of it too. The only niggling doubts he felt were those little voices in his head that sounded quite a lot like Gabriel. Even after all this time, he found it hard to shake them. What if he was passing these insecurities on to her?

...

Ruby had begun taking her appointments at Maggie's office instead of at the greenhouse. Maggie felt that Ruby had made enough progress that she didn't need the comfort zone of the cottage anymore. This had been going on for a few weeks, and seemed to be going fine. The only problem was that Crowley found the waiting room both boring and depressing. Ruby had been able to tell that waiting around was testing her parents patience, so she'd suggested that maybe they go to the park while she was in session. That arrangement worked. The fresh air did them a lot of good.

"You don't think there's a chance, do you?"

Crowley sighed and rubbed his eyes wearily as they strolled past the pond. "There's always a chance," he said. "That doesn't mean anyone's at fault or even that there's anything wrong with it."

Aziraphale continued to fidget anxiously. "But if there _is_ a chance that I passed down some - some defect-"

"You don't really believe it's a defect," Crowley pointed out. "In anyone else you'd be saying that this is the infinite variety of nature. There's nothing good or evil about it, and it's simply a part of their design. Remember the long talks you used to have with Sibella about disability advocacy?"

"She's pretty fierce on the subject," Aziraphale acknowledged. "Do you think she's still doing that Accommodations Not Magic campaign? I should get more involved, see if they need anything."

Crowley smiled. "That's what I mean. A lot of people in the magic community talk over people like Sibella when they talk about how they're happy being disabled, but you never did. You saw that there was nothing imperfect or flawed about Sibella for being deaf or for anyone being disabled in any way. The only reason you're attributing anything bad to this vision issue is because you're worried that it came from you."

"But what if it did?" he asked. 

"That's right! What if it did? What's the worst that could mean? Ruby needs glasses? Glasses are trendy right now! I'm sure she'll pick out something nightmarishly tacky. You know it wouldn't bother her to have another accessory. I mean she's _my_ daughter, after all. And let's just forget about Ruby's reaction for the moment. Even if she were completely blind, that doesn't detract from the fact that our daughter is the smartest, most empathetic former human that we could've hoped for."

Aziraphale softened slightly. "I do love it when you say 'our daughter,'" he admitted.

Crowley smiled. "Think of it this way," he said. "Would you love her any less if she were blind or disabled in any way?"

"Of course not!" His tone was slightly offended. The 'how dare you suggest such a thing' was implied. 

"Then why would you think it would matter at all if there's a chance you could've passed down something as simple as farsightedness?" Crowley asked. "You need to be kinder to yourself. You're used to being told that there's something wrong with you, that you don't measure up. I'll never forgive Gabriel for that. But you should know that no part of you is defective." He reached out to hold Aziraphale's face between his hands. "You need to stop placing impossible standards on yourself. You're perfect. Our daughter is perfect."

"I know you're right," he said. "I know that I need to be nicer to myself. I couldn't bear it if she overheard me talking like this and thought I thought less of her. I know it's not about her. It's about me. You're right, Crowley. I do still feel like there's something wrong with me. And I'm worried it's affecting our daughter. Did you hear her earlier talking about her weight? It's like hearing my own words coming out of her mouth. I'd never even think something like that about her, but I think it about myself. I'm worried that it's harming her."

"You're not harming her," Crowley said. "You're doing the very best you can. She's happy and she's healthy. You're doing wonderfully."

"I hear her say things like that and it's my own voice," Aziraphale said. "And when I say those things it's as if I'm hearing Gabriel. I mean what can I do? I don't want Gabriel's words to ever be applied to Ruby." He sighed. "I don't know how to stop it. I can't help but always feel like the broken angel. I've always felt like an anomaly who didn't really fit in."

"You're definitely an anomaly," Crowley acknowledged. "But so am I. So is Ruby. Maybe we didn't fit in where we came from, but we fit perfectly together. How can anything be wrong with something that makes us so happy?"

Aziraphale smiled. "Spoken like a true demon."

The corners of Crowley's mouth twitched. "Called out by a true angel."

Aziraphale leaned ever so slightly closer to him. "Tempt me a little, my love?"

Crowley stroked his face tenderly. "How could I resist?"

As was always the case, Aziraphale completely forgot his insecurities the moment their lips met. 

...

"It sounds like you're having a lot of fun," Maggie said. "I'm glad you're making friends."

"Oh I wouldn't call them that," Ruby said.

"Friends? Why not?"

She shrugged. "I mean they're not really that interested in me, right? I'm not really the most fun person to hang out with. They'll drop me when the play's over or whatever. I mean at best they just like me because they want to meet Anathema."

"Anathema? What does Anathema have to do with anything?"

"They figured out that I'm in that podcast," she explained. "They're obsessed with Anathema."

"That doesn't mean they don't genuinely like you."

"Yeah it does."

"Why?"

"Because I'm a fundamentally unlikable personal."

"I don't think that's true."

"You're my shrink, you have to say that."

"Alright, but Aziraphale and Crowley don't think that."

"They're also fundamentally unlikable, next question."

Maggie decided to change her approach. "Isn't it possible that they've been hanging out with you because they like you?"

"I could just be someone they're tolerating," she said. "I can be a little intense."

Maggie tilted her head to the side. "The sentiment feels real, but I don't know if those words are exactly you. Where do you think that comes from?"

"Hm?"

"Since when do you acknowledge that you can be a little intense?" Maggie pressed. "Don't get me wrong, you are. But it's not a bad thing. It's actually one of your best qualities. You're passionate. But suddenly you're afraid of your own intensity?"

"I don't know," she said. "I've been feeling it more and more lately. Just in short bursts. I've always felt on the outside of things. I guess it's finally starting to bother me."

"I want you to track these thoughts when you feel them," Maggie said. "Every time you start wondering about why someone's hanging out with you or you talk yourself out of having fun. I want you to write them down for me. I want you to write down where you were and what made you think that way. We're going to figure out where these thoughts come from. I think a lot of it is down to training from your parents, but these new ones are the ones we need to keep particular track of."

"Great," Ruby said. "Therapy homework."

Maggie smiled. "All therapy is homework. Otherwise it's just talking. Now tell me more about these plays. It sounds like you're really enjoying yourself."

"I am, yeah," Ruby said. "I mean at least with Grimm Brothers. That play is so funny - I'm sure Freya's told you all about it."

"She has, yeah. She loves the script."

"Yesterday Max liked my idea. We're actually putting it into the play!"

"That's wonderful news! It's good to feel valued and heard."

"Yeah, it really is," Ruby admitted. "So much better than at Taming of the Shrew. I had this idea that we should rewrite it and add a few scenes to make it a horror movie. Put a new spin on it. I got shut down for being the stupid understudy. And Quinn's a nightmare. You should hear the other understudies talk about her. I have it easy by comparison. She's made their lives awful. All she's done to me is make comments about my weight."

"Are you being bullied, Ruby?"

"I mean, she's trying to bully me," Ruby scoffed. "It doesn't really work when the would-be victim has had worse so doesn't even care."

"Even so, maybe you should tell an adult if she's tormenting you and the others," Maggie said.

"Have you ever tried telling an adult that you're being bullied? They talk a big game about zero tolerance, but then won't lift a finger. It builds character or you can't prove it or we're gonna blame you for provoking it. That's always the deal. And from what I hear, Quinn's parents have a huge financial stake in just about everything. She's not getting booted over this. And besides, who would I tell? Aziraphale and Crowley? They'd _way_ overreact to something that's at most just a slight annoyance to me."

"Have you thought about maybe minimizing your contact with her at least? It sounds like you enjoy Grimm Brothers a lot more and it's less triggering to you. There's no shame in walking away."

"No way."

"It's admirable to not want to quit when you've made an obligation-"

"It's not about that," she insisted. "I'll quit something any day of the week if I'm not into it! I don't care! The reason I won't quit this is because that's exactly what Quinn _wants_ me to do! She told me to back off. So I'm holding on just out of spite."

"Do you think that's a good enough reason?"

"It is for now. I mean I've still got Grimm Brothers, right? All my parts in that are fun. Helps take the edge off. I'm surprised by how much I like playing Cinderella."

"Why?"

"Because I expected her to be whiny like in the movie, you know? All victimy, waiting for a man to save her. It was real smart just taking apart the whole story and deciding to tell it through a bitchy actress instead. Less boring. Much more fun."

"You think Cinderella was whiny?"

"I mean...yeah?"

"That's surprising. I thought you might relate to her more."

"Why? Because I had the evil siblings and parents trying to keep me sheltered to do the cleaning? Please. I ran away from home dozens of times. I saved myself. Better than she ever did."

"Ruby, you can't blame Cinderella for not running away or fighting back. Sometimes it's hard to see a way out. Put yourself in her shoes-"

"Shoe," Ruby joked.

"Alright," Maggie smiled. "Put yourself in her shoe. Imagine a world before technology where you really couldn't move very far by yourself, especially as a woman. Cinderella had no mobility of any kind. She could've run away, but to do so probably would've ended up worse for her. She waited and someone came around to save her. I don't think that makes her whiny. If anything, it makes her resilient. There's no right or wrong way to be a victim. Because neither of you should've been put in that position."

Ruby had to admit that Maggie had a point. "I guess that's something I'm figuring out more from doing this play. I don't give the classic princesses a fair shake. I've always been a Belle or Ariel girl. I never liked the idea of some guy kissing you when you were asleep. I always thought if I got locked in a tower and had hair that was strong enough to get a prince up, then I'd just use it to climb down. Took me a long time to realize that maybe the tower isn't always the place you were raised in. Maybe even if you get out, you just keep building yourself a new one. So I'm trying to reclaim the tower a little bit. It's not my prison anymore, it's my vantage point."

"That's a good way of looking at it, Ruby."

...

Aziraphale and Crowley entered the waiting room just as Ruby was finishing up.

"Why don't you wait for us out in the car, Ruby?" Aziraphale asked. "We're going to talk to Maggie for a moment."

"Alright," Ruby smiled brightly. "Don't be too long, though." She opened the door and immediately shielded her eyes. "Christ on a Triscuit! It's too goddamn bright out here for October." She scrambled for her sunglasses and glared at the sky in disapproval before leaving. 

Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a look.

"Little bit of photosensitivity, Crowley-" Aziraphale began.

"I know, I know," he grumbled, putting on his own sunglasses. "So it might not be just you."

Maggie had to admit she was curious about what could bring Aziraphale to ask to talk to her. "What can I help you with? Is it about Ruby? She's making some incredible progress."

"It's not about Ruby," he said. "It's about me."

She tried not to show how intriguing this possibility was. "Oh?" 

He nodded. "You've been doing wonders for Ruby. Her self-esteem has improved so much in such a short time. But I worry I'm not helping her any. I hold myself to a standard that I don't hold others to, and I don't want her to think there's something wrong with her because of the things I'm insecure about in myself. Sometimes she says things and it's like hearing my own voice. I think poorly of myself for some of the things we have in common, even though I never think badly of her for those reasons. I worry it'll make her think there's something wrong with her. I don't want to accidentally harm her. I suppose I'm asking if you can help me. That's something I never thought I'd be asking, but I want to be better. For Ruby's sake."

This was a major breakthrough, and Maggie was nearly at a loss for words. She'd been trying to get him to see someone for years, but he always insisted that he didn't need help. "Yes, of course," she said. "I'm very proud of you for realizing you needed help and asking for it. That's a big step. You're already doing so well. Of course I'll help you. Why don't we talk about having a regular meeting on a day when Ruby's at school?"

"That would be perfectly adequate," he said stiffly, already embarrassed for having asked. "Thank you for your time."

"It's my honor," Maggie said. "It's a big thing, what you've realized on your own. Most parents never take responsibility for passing on negative self-talk, and I meet a lot who are openly critical of their children and don't see anything wrong with it. You're trying very hard, and Ruby knows that. I'm glad you've come to me with this. I have an open slot tomorrow at 3, if that's not too soon."

Aziraphale considered this. "Ruby has Grimm Brothers rehearsal at 3 o'clock on Thursdays. That would be sufficient."

"I'll see you then," Maggie said.

...

Ruby chatted away obliviously as Crowley drove them silently back to the bookshop. He pulled up to the curb.

"You go ahead inside," Crowley said to her. "I need to find a proper parking spot."

"Alright," Ruby said brightly. She hopped out of the car.

Crowley Miracled himself a parking spot and silently parked in it. He and Aziraphale didn't look at each other as he turned off the engine.

"So," Crowley said. "Therapy. Big step."

Aziraphale nodded. "Big step. Maybe a missing step. Could just fall through."

"Good thing you've got wings then," Crowley teased.

Aziraphale smiled, grateful that he was trying to lighten the mood. "So you don't think this is a bad idea? You don't think I'm just being silly and overreacting?"

"I'd like to believe that you don't need help," Crowley said. "That us being together is enough to make the bad things go away-"

"I never said you weren't enough-"

"Let me finish. I'd like to believe that I can fix everything just by loving you. But I know from a lifetime watching humanity that that's not how it works. I know it's harder for you than you let on. You've got more untangling to do than Ruby and I do, because you spent so long trying to live up to an expectation that simply wasn't attainable. I notice how faraway you get sometimes. I just want you here and present. And you are for the most part. But if you think you need the extra help, I want you to have it. I don't want you to be in pain anymore. I want you to be get better. If there's anything I can do to help you, please let me know."

Aziraphale looked at him, eyes shining with tears. "I love you."

"I love you," Crowley said. "I'm here for whatever you need."

...

Aziraphale watched Ruby as she did her homework at the desk in the bookshop. She really did hold her book very close to her face. Anathema had come by to visit Newt at work, and Aziraphale caught her as she walked by.

"Anathema," he asked in a whisper. "Do you think it's possible that Ruby needs glasses?"

Anathema adjusted her own glasses and peered at Ruby from across the room. "I've never thought about it before, but I guess she does squint a bit."

"You don't think that could be my fault, do you?" Aziraphale asked.

"What? Why?"

"Because I'm farsighted?" Aziraphale said. "Giving my blood might've passed that on to her. She may also have inherited Crowley's photosensitivity."

"I mean, if anything, it's all of our faults."

"How do you mean?" 

She gestured at her own face. "Hello? I'm nearsighted! If there's a genetic component, it's because every piece of her genetic code spells out vision problems."

"It's a fair point," Aziraphale admitted.

"It's not so bad, though," Anathema said. "We just have to test it."

Crowley was walking past at that moment. "Test what?"

"We're going to test Ruby's vision once and for all."

...

"What's this about?" Ruby asked. She crossed her arms and looked at them defiantly. 

"Truthfully?" Aziraphale said. "It's been brought to our attention that maybe you have some vision problems. If that's the case, we want to help you."

"Vision problems?" she repeated.

"Have you noticed a difference in your eyesight since you were reborn?" asked Anathema.

"I mean, not really?" she said. "My egg donor wasn't allowed to drive though because she needed glasses, so I know there were vision problems in the family."

"Egg donor?" Newt asked.

"Birth mother," Anathema whispered.

"Oh," he said.

"I'm going to hold up a book," said Aziraphale. "Please tell me if you can read the title on the spine." He walked to the shelves and pulled one off.

Ruby squinted. "Well obviously that's too far away."

"Alright," he acknowledged. "Tell me when you can read it."

He moved forward slowly and had almost gotten to the desk when she got it. "Hold on...That's not a Gutenberg Bible, is it?"

"You've heard of it?" Aziraphale asked.

"In history class," she said. "How'd you get your hands on one of those? You should keep that locked up, it's worth a fortune."

"Never mind that," Anathema said. "Ruby, I'm very sorry, but I think you might need glasses."

Ruby stared at her for a second then burst out laughing. "I what?"

"You squint and have to have books almost up to your face to read them," said Anathema. 

"Unfortunately all your genes came from people with vision problems," Aziraphale said apologetically.

"That's all fine," Ruby said. "But I don't think there's anything wrong with my vision."

"Here," Anathema said, taking off her glasses. "Try mine on. Glasses cost a lot of money so I got these at a dollar store and spelled them to adjust to my eyes. They should adjust to yours. Here, move up to the window so you can see."

Ruby allowed herself to be guided to the window and took the glasses in hand. "Alright," she said doubtfully. "I'll do it if it makes you feel better."

She put the glasses on her face and the world came into focus in a way she'd never before experienced. Everything got a sharper focus, and objects that had been colorful blobs suddenly had clear outlines. The world was bathed in the dying light of dusk, so the first streetlamps were just beginning to light.

"Wait hold on..." she said. "Are you tell me that streetlamps aren't supposed to look like big blobs of light? Was anyone gonna tell me that you're supposed to be able to see individual leaves on trees?"

Anathema pulled her close to her side and ruffled her hair affectionately. "Welcome to the world, Batty."

Ruby looked at her parents. "Okay, so I'm thinking maybe I'm a bit blind."

"You think so?" asked Aziraphale.

"But if I am, it's not entirely your fault," she said. "If I am now, I was before too. I've never seen this clearly in my life."

"So you were worrying about nothing," Crowley said to Aziraphale.

"As usual," Aziraphale acknowledged.

...

The four of them took Ruby to a discount store to get cheap pairs of glasses which Anathema spelled to adjust to Ruby's eyes. Ruby narrowed down her candidates to four pairs.

"What do you think?" she asked. She put on a pair of blue cat eyed monstrosities. "Dotty librarian?" She swapped them out for a pair of black chunky ones. "Old fashioned nerd Doctor Who-type classes?" She swapped them out for some green wiry ones. "Sort of muted Poison Ivy ones that look more socially acceptable." She swapped them for chunky translucent purple ones. "Or B-52's party glasses?"

"The blue ones are sensible," Aziraphale said. "But the purple ones are infinitely more fun...No, I have to say the blue ones definitively."

"I like the green ones," Anathema said.

"I liked the black ones," offered Newt.

"The purple ones are terrible," said Crowley. "I love them. You shouldn't get them because they're incredibly tacky and embarrassing, but they're also amazing."

"You're not being very helpful," said Ruby.

"Which ones do you like?" Newt asked. "It's up to you."

"I like all of them."

"So get all of them, then," said Crowley. 

"Really?" she asked.

"Why not? They're cheap."

Ruby didn't want to wait around while the adults made their purchase, so she wandered out of the store as soon as the blue ones were rung up. She slowly became aware of commotion further on down the street and went to have a look.

"Yeah you like that?" a voice shouted. "Take that one!"

It was a young woman with auburn hair who couldn't be much older than her. Ruby couldn't place the time period her dress was from, but it was definitely old. She appeared to be singed in several places. She was pelting a middle aged man with trash that she found on the ground that she was hovering several inches above.

"What the hell?" the man said, looking around in a way that clued Ruby into the fact that he couldn't see his assailant. From his perspective, he was being pelted with trash by an invisible, silent force.

 _A ghost!_ Ruby realized with a thrill. She laughed.

The ghost looked up and flashed her a grin before pelting him with a McDonald's cup that spilled all over him. He took this opportunity to run as fast as he could in the other direction. "That's right!" she shouted. "And let that teach you!"

Ruby kept laughing. "What did he _do?"_ she asked. "Don't get me wrong, men that age are always guilty until proven innocent in my book, but I need the details."

The ghost smiled wider. "So you _can_ see me! I thought so!"

"Yeah, course I can," Ruby said.

"Right," the ghost said casually. "So when did you die?"

Ruby's smile faded. "I...I didn't? I'm clearly alive."

"Yeah, obviously," the ghost said. "I didn't mean to imply that you're still dead. It's just that the living mostly can't see ghosts unless they've died for at least a second. Gives them another sense about these things."

"Oh," Ruby said. "I mean, I guess that makes sense. I guess, uh, I died a few months ago. Just for a while, it wasn't a big deal."

"How did it happen?"

"Murder."

"Get out! Me too!"

"What, really?"

"Yeah! Great big angry mob, if you can believe it! It's always the way it goes, you know. That's why I was messing with that fella over there. His family was part of the mob that killed me, so I follow around descendants and punish them the moment they do something wrong." She picked up the McDonalds cup. "He was littering." She tossed it in a nearby trashcan. "I grew up closely entwined with nature, so few things make me more angry than that kind of disrespect. It gets boring, though. Sometimes I take side jobs from other restless spirits that want to move on, but also want some punishing done. Poltergeisting is oddly cathartic."

Ruby was liking this ghost more and more. "I bet," she said. "I'm Ruby. Ruby Fell."

"Wicca," said the ghost. "The original."

Aziraphale came outside at that moment. "Ruby? Where've you got to?"

"Just down here!" she called back.

He spotted her and came down to investigate. "What in heaven's name are you doing?" he asked. "Hello. Is this one of your little friends?"

"She's obviously a ghost, Dad," said Ruby. "Can't you tell? I just found her out here tormenting some litterer."

"Well I can't say I disapprove of that," Aziraphale said. "I'm a lover of planet Earth and some humans treat her so terribly."

"Sorry, I didn't do introductions," Ruby said. "Wicca, this is my dad, Aziraphale. Aziraphale, this is Wicca."

Aziraphale slowly became aware of the ghost's state of dress. "Wicca? Good lord, are you really?" Aziraphale asked. " _The_ Wicca?"

"The original," Wicca smiled.

"Good lord," Aziraphale said again, evidently stunned. "I never dreamed I'd actually get to meet you. Some thought you were just a myth, you know."

"I'm surprised you'd know of it," Wicca said. "You must be very old to even know my name in the original context."

He laughed. "Yes, you could say that."

Crowley stepped outside and peered around. "Zira? Did you find her?"

"Crowley!" Aziraphale called back. "Crowley, come over here! There's someone I'd like you to meet!"

Crowley sighed. "Alright," he grumbled. "I'm coming." 

"Crowley," Aziraphale glowed as Crowley approached their group. "This is-"

"Wicca," Crowley said, eyes widening in shock.

" _Crowley_?" Wicca said. 

"You...know each other?" Aziraphale asked, looking from one to the other.

"You could say that," Crowley replied. "It's been a _very_ long time."

"Don't pretend you haven't looked in on me from time to time," Wicca said. "I've seen you more than once hanging about. Last time must've been in, oh, 1783?"

He nodded. "Sounds about right."

Aziraphale was mildly irritated. "You've never _once_ mentioned that you knew _the_ Wicca!"

Ruby was so lost. "Can anyone tell me just what the _hell_ is going on?"

This was enough to snap Aziraphale out of his irritation. "Yes, yes," he said. "Of course." He spotted Anathema and Newt exiting the shop. "Anathema, dear! You might want to stick around for this!"

"Stick around for what?" she asked.

...

Aziraphale put a kettle on and they all gathered in the apartment above the bookshop.

"So let me get this straight," Newt said. "There's a ghost...here? And you can all see it but I can't?"

Anathema patted him on the arm. "It's alright," she said. "I can't see it either."

"We'll have to do something about that," Aziraphale frowned. "This is very important to you specifically, Anathema."

"It is?" she asked. "Why?"

"Can't we spell their glasses?" Ruby asked. "Do something like what Anathema did to make my glasses adjust to my eyes except let them adjust to see the spirit world? That should just be a simple Miracle, right?"

"It's a good point," said Crowley. 

"Hand them over," said Aziraphale. He collected Newt and Anathema's glasses and concentrated before handing them back. "Tell me if that did anything."

"I'm not sure it worked..." Anathema said.

But Newt started and sat bolt upright in his chair. "She wasn't there before!" he said, pointing to what he'd formerly thought was an empty chair.

Wicca smiled. "Hi," she said. "I'm Wicca. The original."

Anathema's eyes widened, but otherwise she didn't react. "Wicca? Interesting name."

"Thanks," she said. "I had it first."

"When she says she's the original, she means it," explained Aziraphale. "Modern etymologists don't know the exact origin of the word 'witch'. It came from the word 'wicce', which was the feminine form of 'wicca'. That's about where the history ends. Those of us who are old enough to roam the Earth at that time heard the stories. There was a girl. She was the first. But perhaps you'd like to tell the story from here, Crowley? Seeing as you evidently know it better than I?"

"It's not that I was trying to hide it, Zira," Crowley insisted. "It's just not my story to tell." He appealed to the ghost. "Perhaps you'd like to tell it? If it's not too traumatizing for you?"

"Oh I've worked it out by now, Crowley," Wicca said. "Thousands of years will do that. Gives you time to really think and work out your issues on descendants. So I don't mind telling it. I was a Druid."

Anathema was really interested now. "A Druid? Seriously?"

She nodded. "Just before the great purge."

"Not a lot is known about Druids," Anathema said excitedly. "The Catholic church kept unreliable biased records about them and destroyed any first-hand accounts. I know some modern witchcraft comes from Druidic tradition, but there's no real way to trace lineage. There's not exactly anyone you can ask! I always meant to ask - was there really human sacrifice or is that just Catholic fear mongering?"

"The Druids were a proud people," Wicca said. "We lived in communion with the fundamental forces of nature."

"Druids weren't inherently good or evil," explained Aziraphale. "They were simply another species of early hominid."

"Another species?" Ruby asked. "As in there were more than one?"

"Don't they teach you this in school?" Aziraphale asked. "Homo sapiens weren't the only species of human in the beginning, they were just the ones that prevailed above the others. In the beginning, they all cross-bred with each other. That's how you get some people with more neanderthal DNA than others. Druids were another species in this same way. They cross-bred with your early ancestors and migrated to every continent on Earth. As I said, they weren't good or evil. That was a choice they made themselves as individuals."

"They could choose to commune with nature as God intended," Crowley explained. "Or they could take the darker power demons offered. It was always completely up to them to choose. Morgan Le Fay took the offer of demonic power during a time when Faekind were being persecuted more."

Ruby held up a hand. "Morgan Le Fay? As in _Morgana_? As in _King Arthur?_ "

Aziraphale smiled. "The very same."

"And wait, did you say Faekind? As in the _Fae_? I thought we were talking about Druids, but are we talking about fairies now?"

"We're not talking about little winged things, no," said Aziraphale. "Back in the time this was happening, the Celtic peoples simply referred to anything 'unnatural' as Fae. So the Druids were referred to as Fae quite often, and they didn't dispute this fact."

"Okay, this is literally so cool," Ruby breathed. "So you're, like Fae?"

Wicca smiled. "Yes, and no. I told you, I'm the original."

"The original Fae?"

She shook her head. "No. The original witch. I was the first Fae-human halfling in human history."

"A halfling?" Anathema repeated. "I don't understand how that makes you a witch."

She smiled. "The Fae and the humans kept to their own communities across the world. No blood-mixing happened. But my mother fell in love with a human man who was wounded near our camp. She nursed him back to health. He decided to stay. Honestly, it didn't do a lot to help the rumors that we lured in travelers and wouldn't let them leave. But my blood was tainted. I was more unpredictable with my human temperament. I strayed from camp more often. I was curious about the outside world and their weird customs. Then I fell in love with a human." Wicca had been very amiable and content up til this point, but now a shadow passed over her eyes. "She was beautiful. Her name was Fiona. Her hair sparkled like gold in the sunlight and her laugh was like a silver bell. She loved me. We spent many harvest nights together. But I know her family feared that I'd take her away. I was the Fae girl, after all. Surely I had her under a spell. When the Romans came and started slaughtering my kind, their family turned me in for witchcraft. They tried to say I'd enchanted Fiona. She stood up for me. This was her mistake. We were burned under the same moon."

"You were burned at the stake," Ruby said. She was horrified, but part of her wanted to say that it was 'metal as hell'.

"I vowed with her dying breath that I'd avenge our deaths for eternity," she said. "I gave up hope for an afterlife with her in order to cause terror and, at the very least, mild inconvenience to those who wronged us."

"But don't you want to move on?" asked Ruby. "I mean, you _do_ want to see her again?"

"The question is irrelevant," she said. "I made a vow."

"But what does this have to do with Crowley?" asked Aziraphale. "How do you two know each other?"

"I offered her a way out," said Crowley softly.

"You did what?" asked Aziraphale.

"I approached her when she was awaiting trial," Crowley said. "I'd been sent from Hell to offer her a deal. I'd give her extraordinary magical power and she and her girl could live."

"I considered it," Wicca said. "I want you to know I was sorely tempted. And there are days that I regret not making the deal for Fiona's sake. But she asked me not to. She didn't want me to corrupt myself for her sake. I honored that wish. I saw you again at the burning, Crowley. I've never seen a demon look so sad."

"There was no reason you had to die," Crowley said. "It was unjust and cruel."

"And I saw you again when my soul parted from my body," Wicca said. "I didn't compromise my soul, so I was due to move on to heaven. I told him no, that I was serious about taking my vengeance even if my soul was damned for it."

"I respected you for it," Crowley said. "I always will. I can't imagine what I'd do in that same situation. It made me think about my priorities." He half-glanced at Aziraphale out of the corner of his eye. "I spent centuries worrying about what would happen if our sides found out about us. I could see you being punished horribly for being with me. I could just see you going up in flames..."

Aziraphale took his hand. "I had no idea."

"I don't normally like to talk about it," Crowley said.

"You said you're the original witch?" Anathema asked again, bringing them back on track. "You still haven't explained that."

"Right," Wicca said. "Well, that's a bit of a different story."

"I said before that the word 'witch' has uncertain origin," said Aziraphale. "Those of us who were there know that it came from Wicca. The story was passed throughout the region of the halfling girl who was burned. She took her revenge out on anyone who'd been present. Of course, the Romans weren't happy that the story was about a girl besting them. They changed the tale so it was about a man who loved a woman. So Wicca became the masculine default word for anyone who practiced magic, with 'wicce' being the feminine. Then eventually this changed into witch, but everyone had forgotten the old story."

"I'm the first witch," Wicca said. "But I was gay, so my bloodline stopped with me. There would be other halflings that would happen as time went on. All natural witch bloodlines are Fae in origin, you've just collectively forgotten."

"So that means I've technically got a drop of Fae blood in me?" Ruby asked. "I'm technically part Fae? _Sweet!_ "

"Of course it's called different things in different cultures," Aziraphale said. "But yes. Anathema's bloodline would descend directly from the Druids. As I said, there was a lot of cross-breeding to prevent the Druids from complete eradication. In the same way that some people have a small percentage of neanderthal DNA, so too do some have a small percentage of Fae DNA. Curiously enough, the nationality with the most Fae DNA percentage is the Welsh people. They were the most tolerant. There was _a lot_ of cross-breeding. The English, by contrast, have the lowest percentage on average."

"This is so cool," Ruby said. "I'm sorry, is that okay to say? I'm just learning a lot and it's really cool."

"It's fine to say," Wicca said. "I'm glad you're enjoying our history. It's so rarely repeated."

"I'd like to hear more about this, if you don't mind," Anathema cut in. "It's fascinating. There's a WitchCon coming up on Saturday, you know."

"A WitchCon?" Wicca repeated.

"It's a large gathering of international witches," she explained. "Ruby already said she can't go so I'm dragging along Newt, but you should come. I imagine that ghosts don't have to pay admission. And anyway, you're the original! If anything, you should have a panel!"

"A large group of witches?" she repeated. "Just out in the open?"

"Not totally in the open," Anathema said. "Vendors think it's a goth convention for spinsters. It's very exclusive and not publicized. Mostly just heard about through word of mouth. It's a good way to keep in touch with the broader magical community."

"I'm _very_ interested in this," Wicca admitted.

"Me too," Ruby groaned. "But I've got rehearsal. You should go, though, Wicca. It could be good for you."

"Yeah," she said. "Yeah, I think I will. I so rarely interact with the living. And most of the dead don't know they're dead, so they're dead depressing."

Ruby laughed. "Dead depressing. I like that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a general note: This plotline with Ruby needing glasses isn't just because I have glasses. It's because I'm autistic and realized recently that I talk a big game about there being nothing wrong with autism but then I turn around and say that I wouldn't want to pass it on. THE ABLEISM COMES FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE. So I'm doing something with Aziraphale that's a long game and this is just his first step. He's recognizing that he internalized some shame and he's doing his best not to let that pass on to Ruby.
> 
> The whole Druid/Wicca/Fae thing is something I completely made up because I'm back to being obsessed with Druids and folklore again. It really bothers me how we don't know anything concrete about Druids because of the Catholic church. I want to know more about the people and cultures that have completely disappeared. I always wonder what ghosts we've forgotten. And just as a disclaimer: I know this is bad history lol. Early hominids existing beside Romans? I'd never do this in, say, a Doctor Who fic. But the beauty of Good Omens is that it's all bad history. It doesn't pretend accuracy and seems to delight in its own personal anachronisms. So bad history is my own personal lore addition.
> 
> It's been a long week for me. Hours at work are going down and my electric bill has increased by $200. As if I'm made of money! I'm stretched thin as it is!
> 
> Today I got into a shouting match with a lady at the dollar store and surprise surprise everyone took her side and assumed I started it. Never mind that confrontation like that triggers my PTSD and now I feel worse, it's fine, it's great. IDK I just don't want to work anymore, but I don't have the luxury of having money or a fallback. Just gotta push through it and hope that I never see that lady ever again even though she's a frequent customer where I work and recognized me.


	28. Relay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for eating disorders

Ruby had been on the fence when God had first brought up the idea of ghosts contacting her, but now she didn't mind it so much. Perhaps it was because Wicca didn't have any agenda and it took the pressure off a bit, but Ruby actually thought this ghost was really cool. She regretted not having time to pick her brain about history and magic.

"Oh here, you'd better take this," Crowley said. He reached into his pocket and pulled out some money, which he passed over his seat into the back of the car.

Ruby took it and stared at it in bewilderment. "What am I meant to do with this?"

"Exchange it," Crowley said, corners of his mouth turning up. "For goods and or services."

"Yeah but...why?"

"You've got rehearsal tonight," he said. "You might want to go out with your friends again."

"I told you, they're not really my friends-"

"You say that a lot, Ruby," said Aziraphale. "About pretty much everyone you meet. You know that it's alright to have friends."

"Even so, I doubt I'll need money." She tried to hand it back.

Crowley put up a hand to stop her. "Keep it. Just in case. Don't want you to get caught without cash this time."

"You're assuming I'm still invited along."

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows. "Did they _un_ invite you? Or give you any indication that the invitation isn't still open?"

She shifted uncomfortably. "No. But that doesn't mean they're not too polite to tell me that I'm the weird tag-a-long."

"Ruby, there's no reason for you to be this self-conscious," said Aziraphale. "I mean, I know you've been through it so there's _reason_ , but you're not there anymore. You have like-minded people now. I want you to keep the money. If it turns out you don't feel like going with your friends after rehearsal, then you don't have to. You can call us or teleport home. But just in case..."

She could see that she wasn't going to convince them. "Alright," she sighed, putting the money in her pocket. "But when I get home and still have every penny in my pocket, expect a lot of 'I told you so's."

"I'd expect nothing less from my daughter," Aziraphale replied.

She tried to hide how pleased she was that he called her 'daughter', forgetting entirely that they could feel it.

...

"So this is where you go to school."

Ruby jumped and slammed the locker door out of shock as she spun around to face Wicca, her new ghost friend, who was admiring the long hallway.

"You can't be here," Ruby warned her.

Wicca smiled. "Says who? Says you?"

"Well," Ruby said. "Well, no, actually. I don't care where you are. It just makes it hard for me to get anything done with ghosts hanging around all the time."

"All the time?" Wicca asked. "So I'm _not_ your first? I'm hurt."

Ruby could tell she was trying to be funny. "You're hardly what I'd call a normal ghost," she pointed out. "All this witch fae stuff-"

"And what are you? I'm curious about that. You could see me easily and we've already established that you died. You mention just the tiniest bit of witch lineage."

Ruby crossed her arms. "How do I know I can trust you with that kind of info?"

Wicca chuckled. "Fair enough. I do appreciate the value of a good secret."

They were interrupted by someone walking unceremoniously through Wicca. "Hey Fell!" Quinn said obliviously. "Tip for the wise: don't run lines in the middle of a corridor! You look like a loony!" She giggled wickedly with her small posse of assembled girls.

Ruby was burning with good retorts, but chose to hold them back. "Good tip, Quinn," she said, voice dripping with sweet sarcasm. "Thanks a lot." 

Ruby rolled her eyes and turned back to her locker as the girls moved along with their business and Wicca watched her with interest.

"Why didn't you tell that girl off?" Wicca asked. 

"Wasn't worth it," Ruby said under her breath.

"You've got _at least_ witch blood in you," she pointed out. "God only _knows_ what else! And putting that aside, you hang around with demons like Crowley-"

She finished gathering her books and closed the locker. "I don't just hang around with him. He and Aziraphale are my parents."

Wicca put a hand on her hips. "None of you mentioned this last night! This is _fascinating_! I never saw Crowley as the paternal type!"

"He's not, generally speaking."

"So why not have them take care of this girl, then?" Wicca pressed. "She's so _rude_! And I get the feeling this isn't the first time she's antagonized you like this!"

She sighed. "Because evil is a relay sport when the one who's burnt turns to pass the torch."

"What?"

"It's Fiona Apple," she explained. She suddenly regretted saying the name when she remembered something they'd discussed the night before. "Oh sorry. Should I not say that name? Because of your, uh..." She didn't know if 'girlfriend' was the right word, so she left the question open ended.

Wicca smiled. "It's been a long time since my Fiona died. I wouldn't say I'm over it, but it's a very common name. I've learned to live with it and honor it. Now tell me of this Fiona. Is she a great philosopher of your time?"

Ruby thought about this. "You could say that. She's got a great mind. I like to listen to her songs when I'm feeling too much. I have a really bad temper, or at least I used to. I was always getting into fights because I wouldn't think before I did things. I'm trying to be better. Whenever I feel myself getting too mad, I try to think of 'Relay'. It's a reminder not to lose my temper on things that don't matter."

"I guess I can understand that," she said. "Fighting for the sake of fighting can get you into trouble. I can understand why you would lose your taste for it after what you've been through."

"What do you mean?"

"You said you died before, right? I mean, being killed once is enough for anyone. You wouldn't want to go through that again."

"I guess," she admitted. "But I'm basically invincible, as far as we can tell. So I'm not afraid for my own safety. I'm afraid for everyone else. Quinn's just a stupid girl. She barely even counts as annoying because I've seen real trouble, you know? The problem is that I'm way more powerful now than any of these people. They think they've got some power over me, but they're tiny. It wouldn't be a fair fight."

Wicca tilted her head. "So you're being merciful."

She shrugged. "If you can call it that." The warning bell rang. "Listen, I've got to get to class. I'll see you around, yeah?"

...

Ruby arrived at her Shakespeare class later that afternoon and reached for her new glasses, opting for her black frames. She placed them over her eyes and noticed Miss Zima smiling at her.

"New?" she asked.

Ruby nodded. "Just last night."

"Very nice," she said.

Ruby took her usual seat next to Selwyn. The human did a double-take.

"Have you always had those?" she asked.

"No, just since last night," Ruby repeated. 

"Good," she said. "Thought maybe I missed something. I forget to look directly at people sometimes."

And that was all the human would say on the matter.

...

Aziraphale's silence on the car ride into town clued Crowley in to his anxiety immediately. Aziraphale had always been handy with a silence - they were a particularly pointed weapon he could use against him back in the old days when they were still technically adversaries. He could use it to withhold information or create an atmosphere of passive-aggression or even, in dire circumstances, remind Crowley to keep distance when he was getting too familiar. After the Not-Pocalypse, it had taken Crowley a while to get used to a new kind of silence: the comfortable silence.

This was different. Aziraphale stared forward and tried his best not to fidget. He was trying to appear braver than he was.

"How are you feeling?" asked Crowley.

"Hm?" Aziraphale asked, startled from his thoughts. "Oh. I'm wonderful. Absolutely tip-top. Why do you ask?"

Crowley tried to approximate a comforting smile, which wasn't a nature look on his face by any means. "Because I love you and know how hard this must be for you."

Aziraphale softened slightly. "I am a little nervous, now you mention," he admitted gently. "I'm just...I've never _done_ anything like this before. 6000 years of baggage-"

"And conditioning," Crowley interjected. "You can't forget the angelic conditioning."

"Right," Aziraphale agreed. "Can't forget that. I can't help but think I'm being a little silly. Blowing it all out of proportion. There are people who've been through a lot worse things than I have. What possible need could I have for this sort of service?"

"If you need help, you need help," said Crowley. "Don't try to compare yourself to anyone else."

"It's not as if I could," he said. "I'm nothing like, well, anyone else. You're the only person who's even remotely like me."

"And I don't know how to help," he said. "So I support you getting it wherever you can."

"Do you have any music?" Aziraphale asked. "I've gotten so used to Ruby playing music in the car that it's unbearably quiet in here."

Crowley smiled. "It is that. What did you have in mind?"

"Something peaceful," he said. "I wish we had that device she has - that whatchamacallit. There's that lovely song she's always listening to about the enchanted lake...That's soothing."

"And potentially filthy," Crowley acknowledged.

Aziraphale's brow knitted as he considered this. " _Is it?_ "

Crowley scrambled for a way to not have to explain it. "Ehhhhh..." He scratched his head with one hand while keeping the other firmly on the steering wheel. "It's not blatant, I don't think. Apart from literally saying the word 'orgasm' once in it. It's open to interpretation, you could say. If it helps, I don't think Ruby's really thought about the song either. I think I'm the only one out of the lot of us who's thought twice about it." 

Ruby texted Crowley at that moment.

"Can you get that for me?" he said. "Trying to drive."

"She always texts you first," Aziraphale said. "I'm almost hurt by that, you know."

Crowley knew he was mostly teasing. "Yeah, yeah. But you hate texting, so she's being thoughtful."

Aziraphale looked at the text. "She left her script in the backseat this morning and wants us to bring it by." He looked at Crowley. "Do we have time?"

He nodded. "A bit. Did you tell her?"

"About counselling? Not yet."

"Why not? Maybe it'll be good for both of you to know that you're in this together."

"I'm just not ready yet. You won't tell her, will you?"

He shook his head. "That's your secret to tell. I'd never take that from you."

...

Ruby went straight to the costume department to get her fitting after her last class. Katie - the pink haired girl from her Shakespeare class - was the student wardrobe mistress on her particular play, so she was handling Ruby's measurements.

"Max said it could be up to you what you want the cut of the dress to be like," Katie said. "She wants it to be all black and purple, very old witchy vibes, but you have final say on the neck and hemlines. You could go full slutty witch if you want to, it's totally your call."

Quinn was finishing up a fitting nearby with another student. "I think she should spare us from that, don't you think?" she said.

Ruby had to stop herself from rolling her eyes and coming up with a clever retort. "I'll have to think about it," she said to Katie.

Quinn picked up her bag and script as she prepared to leave the changing room. "How's your little play going, by the way?" she asked. "Must be nice to have an actual speaking role, even if it is a bit part in a play nobody's ever heard of. Seems to me your little production is just a dumping ground for misfit understudies."

"Yeah, you might be right about that, Quinn," Ruby said, trying her best not to let Quinn get the satisfaction of getting a rise out of her.

"It's a Grimm Brothers thing, isn't it?" she asked, feigning interest. 

"Yep."

"Not exactly Shakespeare-caliber writing then, eh?" she laughed. 

"It's pretty good, actually," Ruby said. "It's funny."

Quinn smiled in a sweetly condescending way. "I'm sure it is. But do me a favor, will you, Ruby? Enjoy it while it lasts. Because it's right back to being in my shadow with the other wannabes once Cinderella's other shoe drops."

Ruby finally gave Quinn the satisfaction of looking directly at her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Quinn's grin widened. "You'll see." She raised a hand in a flippant wave as she swept out the door. "Ta!"

"Well I didn't like the sound of that." Ruby stared after her for a moment with an ominous pit growing in her stomach before she turned to address a nervous Katie. "Did you?"

"Maybe we'd better go check on the others?" she offered.

Ruby nodded emphatically. "Let's go."

...

Ruby and Katie approached the studio and found Max, Nick, and Chell huddled inside with Bradley.

"You can't be serious," Nick said. "We're three weeks from opening! You're joking!"

"I'm sorry," Bradley said softly, keeping his eyes downcast. "I've given it a lot of thought-"

"What, since when?" Nick snapped. 

Bradley did seem genuinely sorry and seemed particularly stung by Nick's tone. "I know this puts you in a bad spot. I don't want to be doing this."

"Then don't," Nick said flatly. "Don't do this. Tell me this is a bad joke and you're just practicing for your breakthrough into drama. Don't do this to us now."

Ruby found Selwyn hovering awkwardly near the edge of the room. "What's happening?" Ruby whispered.

"I-I'm not sure," Selwyn whispered back. She didn't do well with real drama. It always made her feel vaguely sick to her stomach.

"Is there anything we can do?" Max asked. "Any way we can convince you to reconsider?"

Bradley seemed torn and sorely tempted. "I'm sorry. I wish I could." He started to back away. "I'm sorry."

This made Nick angrier than any of them had ever seen him. "Well I hope she's worth it, mate! I really hope you're happy! Three weeks til opening! I hope she's worth it!"

Bradley looked as though he wanted to say something else, but he thought better of it and walked away.

Chell took him by the arm. "Let's go walk it off, yeah?" she said gently. "Have a cool down?"

"We can't rehearse without him," Max pointed out. "He's in every scene. We need to regroup, we need a plan." Max was visibly shaken by these events. Things had been going so well! How could it all fall apart now? Max noticed everyone watching for orders. "Everyone go home. I'll send a group text when I've figured out what we're going to do."

Everyone nervously began to file out except Ruby and Selwyn.

"What's going on?" Ruby asked. She knew she probably counted toward the 'everyone' that Max had ordered to go home, but she didn't like being out of the loop. She wouldn't be satisfied unless she knew for sure that she couldn't help.

"Bradley's just quit," Chell explained. 

Ruby's worst fears were confirmed. 

"What?" Selwyn asked. "Why?"

A great burning rage was blossoming within Ruby's chest as she slowly realized what was happening.

"She won't get away with this," she fumed, turning on heel to march from the room.

Max, Chell, Nick, and Selwyn hadn't expected this immediate response from her and nervously followed her out.

"What are you doing?" Selwyn demanded.

"It's Quinn," Ruby said. "She said Cinderella's other shoe was about to drop...She won't get away with this."

...

The understudies were so painfully bored. Miss Zima had told them she'd be late to rehearsal, so their job was to sit and take notes. Miss Zima's interpreter had come down with a touch of flu, so she'd requested one of her best students film the rehearsal for her. She knew that Miss Zima wouldn't be able to see any directions given from the audience, so she was taking dutiful transcriptions to provide her with later. Quinn was being her usual awful self, of course, antagonizing and bullying anyone that she felt was less important to her (which included the crew), but putting on the sugary charm when in the presence of the director. She was rehearsing a scene when Ruby marched in.

_"Why, sir, I trust I may have leave to speak;_  
_And speak I will; I am no child, no babe:_  
_Your betters have endured me say my mind,_  
_And if you cannot, best you stop your ears._  
_My tongue will tell the anger of my heart-"_

"You're damn right it will!" Ruby glared as she made her way down the aisle. "What the hell is _wrong_ with you?"

The student doing the transcriptions decided things were getting too interesting and heated for her to provide adequate transcriptions, so she switched on her phone camera. She thought that between the tripod filming the stage and her camera filming the audience, she could get an accurate picture for Miss Zima.

"Excuse me!" Quinn laughed smugly. "We're in the middle of rehearsal here! We don't have time for disgruntled understudies and rude theatre rejects."

Ruby caught sight of Bradley cowering in the background of the scene and directed her attention to him instead. "What? Not gonna say anything for yourself?"

"Excuse me, Miss Fell," Mr Sloughtner said indignantly. "We're trying to rehearse! If you could please save your feminine drama for outside the realm of the theatre-"

She put out a hand to shush him. "Oh shut up, you! Why don't you go take a walk?"

Mr Sloughtner spluttered and shook his head. "That's a splendid idea," he said. "Yes, I think I'll go take a walk..."

Ruby hardly noticed that she'd just caused Mr Sloughtner to leave by means of low-level mind control, because she was so focused on Quinn. "I know you're behind this," she said. "Bradley wouldn't do this to us. He loves this play."

"Bradley was wasting his time on it," Quinn said, crossing her arms. "He needs to have time to focus on more important things."

"Like what?" Ruby demanded. "His bit part in this one? He's not even a named character in this, he's just 'A Lord'! He's actually one of our _leads_! You don't actually care that he's spending time on another play, you just want to control him!"

"Wrong!" Quinn replied. "I care very deeply about Bradley, and that means I care about his reputation. I can't have him mucking up his chances at a future career by being associated with you lot."

Ruby could feel very subtle vibrations underneath her feet and knew that she was dangerously close to losing control of her powers. She took a breath to steady herself, just as Maggie had taught her. "He can choose who he wants to associate with. Who are you to decide that for him?"

"His _girlfriend,_ maybe," Quinn said smugly.

"Being his girlfriend doesn't give you the right to keep him from seeing his friends," Ruby said. "And I get it, alright? You're trying to punish me for whatever reason. I don't care if you're threatened by me. You don't need to drag our play into this. We're three weeks from opening and this play is very important to Max! If you're going to take it out on me, don't drag them into this."

"You all needed to be taught a lesson," she replied idly. "Not just you, Ruby. _All_ of you. You don't belong. You'll _never_ belong. There aren't stories for people like you. I heard that you were playing some sort of witch, Ruby? That made sense. Much more sense than anyone ever thinking you could be a lead in anything. Because it doesn't matter how good you are, you don't look the part. They don't give leading lady parts to anyone above a size six. Maybe if you trimmed up a little bit then you'd be seriously in the running. But not looking like this. It's better you learn your place now. You're all supporting cast at best. Stick to the background or get off the stage."

"Maybe you should ask Max for help losing those extra pounds," Quinn said. "Or not Max, actually, she could still stand to lose around three stone. Do what Nick did. Nick used to be bigger than you, Ruby, before he trimmed up."

Max and Nick were fuming just behind Ruby. Chell put a comforting hand on Nick's arm.

"I didn't 'trim up'," Max said. "I got taller. It spread out. There's a difference."

"And I had an eating disorder," Nick said in a low voice. 

"Well you can't argue with results," Quinn said.

"What the hell is _wrong_ with you?" Chell shouted.

"You know what?" Ruby snapped. "I'm over this. I'm done. I quit. This play isn't good for me. A romantic comedy where the female love interest is literally being abused by her love interest? I hate it. I hate it so much. And I don't care if that makes me sound dumb or uncultured. I'm not doing this anymore. You can keep it."

"Oh but what will you do?" Quinn asked, batting her eyes innocently. "You only had two plays. You can't just not be in one. Unless you mean you're going to drop out of school-"

"I'm not dropping out of school, I won't give you the satisfaction! I'll...I'll start my own play!" She hadn't realized she'd been about to say that. "Yeah, that's what I'll do! I'll do my own version of Taming of the Shrew! One where it's a horror movie like it should be!"

"That sounds terrible," Quinn said. "Nobody would watch that. Besides, we already have Taming of the Shrew. You can't do the same play as us."

"Weren't you listening? It wouldn't be the same! It would be a new version! One that doesn't assume a happy ending is breaking the girl! Yeah that's what I'll do! It'll be better than your play by a long shot!"

"Is that a challenge?" Quinn asked. 

"You're damn right that's a challenge! You scared because you know my play will be better than yours?"

Quinn laughed. "I'm not scared, this is a ridiculous idea."

Ruby crossed her arms. "You open next month, yeah?"

She nodded. "November 14th."

"Great," Ruby said. "I'll do mine in half the time. I'll open by the end of this month." She immediately regretted the bluff, but she refused to take it back.

"This will be a train wreck," Quinn said. "Can't wait to see you crash and burn."

"You just wait, Quinn," Ruby said. "You wanted to break me down, but I always snap back. Messing with me is fine, I'm used to it. But you mess with anyone else, and you make a powerful enemy."

"Powerful?" she scoffed. "You're just a nobody that no one's ever heard of."

"That's right," Ruby replied. "So you don't know what I'm capable of. Doesn't that just scare you to death?"

Quinn once again felt that creeping feeling of dread at the edges of her subconscious but tried hard to hide it. "There's just one thing you forgot. You still need a cast. Where are you gonna get one of those?" 

Quinn smiled as if she'd just won by sheer logic, and Ruby knew that she had. But she wasn't planning on admitting it.

"She has the three of us," said Nick. "Me, Chell, and Max."

"And me," said Selwyn.

"And you can count us in."

Emily, the understudy for Bianca, had risen from her seat along with all the other understudies. They made their way to stand with Ruby.

"This is ridiculous," Quinn said. "You can't be in both Ruby's play and this one."

"That's what we're trying to say," said Emily. "We're done here. I mean you do always say you don't need us, right? Ruby's play sounds better than what we're doing here anyway, so we quit. Isn't that right?"

The others murmured their assent and Nick threw in a 'damn right' for good measure.

"You're not serious," Quinn replied anxiously. "This is a serious mistake for all of you. You're going to regret this. This is the biggest mistake of your lives."

Ruby stepped right up to the edge of the stage, emboldened by her newfound allies. "No, Quinn, this is rebellion. Welcome to the Mutiny of the Understudies. We're off-book and ready to go."

"But you're still forgetting that you need staff support!" Quinn said desperately. "Where are you going to get an advisor for your unauthorized play?"

Ruby knew this was a problem and was desperately trying to think. "I've already thought of that," she lied, turning around and scanning the room for inspiration. Luckily the auditorium doors opened. Ruby smiled and moved toward the newcomer as the solution presented itself.

Miss Zima was visibly confused as she was confronted with the scene before her. "What's going on in here?" she asked.

Ruby approached her nervously but tried to seem confident even as she spoke in a low voice. "I'm leading the understudies in a rebellion," she explained. "We're walking out on this play and trying to create our own unsanctioned Taming of the Shrew as a horror movie."

"That's a very ambitious project," she said, her tone both surprised and impressed. "You're going to need the Headmaster's support to make this work and you're going to need to find funding."

"I know," Ruby said. "We've got a lot to work out. Which is why I need your help. Miss Zima, will you please be our advisor? Please? We really need your help."

Miss Zima blinked as these words sank in. She honestly hadn't expected to be asked. In all her time working at the school, she'd never been asked to be the primary faculty advisor for a major project. She was always passed over. 

"I'd be honored," Miss Zima said. "Of course, whatever you need."

The understudies cheered.

"Thank you," Ruby grinned. "We can't do it without you. You're like the smartest person at this school."

"I can't write this for you," she said. "If you take on this project, you have to do the work. I can advise and edit and tweak, but it's _your_ project. But I'm certain you can do it. I've seen your writing, and if you and Selwyn work on it together, I'm sure you can move me to tears again."

Ruby felt a rush of pride. "Again?"

Miss Zima nodded. "Your Ophelia and Juliet project gets more heart wrenching with each draft...which reminds me. I actually have a student from the older class who might be able to help you with this. She's my best writing student..." She looked around and spotted her aid who was still holding a cellphone camera. "Ariela? Could you come over here?" She turned back to Ruby and the others. "I trust you all know Ariela?"

Ariela put down her phone now that Miss Zima had arrived and moved toward the group. Ruby recognized her immediately. She was the pretty girl who had shown her around on her first day of school. They hadn't had a chance to speak at all since auditions had begun weeks ago. 

"Yeah," Ruby said. "We've met."

"Ariela did an inspired essay about race in Shakespeare's works," Miss Zima said. "She's also got a near perfect grasp of the language, which is impressive because she's translating from Portuguese to English to Shakespearean dialect. Her latest short story was entirely in iambic pentameter."

Ariela blushed. "You're gonna embarrass me, Miss Zima," she said bashfully.

"If you're that good, you can help us," Ruby said. "If you want, I mean. We could really use it."

"You wanna know the truth?" Ariela asked. "If you hadn't asked, I was gonna demand to be a part of it anyway. You _really_ think you're about to keep me away from this one? It's what I was _born_ to do."

Ariela smiled and Ruby was so relieved that she couldn't help but smile back at her.

"Well that's settled," Miss Zima said. "I'll talk to the Headmaster first thing tomorrow, but consider it greenlit!"

Another loud cheer rang out from the understudies.

Mr Sloughtner had made it to the other side of the building before he remembered what he was supposed to be doing. He returned to the auditorium to find things had devolved into his opinion of chaos and disorder.

"What's going on here?" he demanded. "Return to your seats at once! Miss Zima, I expect you to keep better order in my absence!"

"Oh you do?" Miss Zima asked sweetly. "Because I thought my job was to sit here and be talked over when I try to give any suggestions. You're going to have to keep order without me from now on. I have my own play to work on." She turned to the assembled understudies. "We have a lot of work to do. Forget any plans you may have had for the evening and follow me."

Ruby and the others followed her into the hallway. "We should think about getting some food," Ruby said. "If we're going to be at this a while. I have some money - if anyone wants to pitch in, maybe we can get some pizzas?"

"Another excellent idea, Ruby," Miss Zima said. "You're on a roll today."

That's when Ruby's anxiety hit her.

She stopped in her tracks. "Why did I do that?" she asked. "I mean it, why did I say those things? I can't put together a play like this! I don't know what I'm doing! And now everyone's looking at me like I'm the leader and that's not me! I was just supposed to keep my head down and do what I'm supposed to do! I wasn't supposed to cause any trouble! I'm so sorry guys, I'm just ruining everything again."

"You're not ruining anything," Nick said. "We chose to do this."

"Yeah, but it was heat of the moment," she insisted. "You can all still back out! I won't think any less of you! I'm not the anti-Quinn, you got that? Don't follow me just because you don't like her. I'm not exactly known for making good, rational choices."

"That's what's gonna make this fun," Nick replied. "If there's anything we've learned from Grimm Brothers, it's that great plays can come out of chaos. You're not doing this by yourself. You've got all of us. We know what we're getting ourselves into."

"You're idea girl," Max said. "You think outside the script."

"But you also listen," Miss Zima said. "I've seen how you behave when you're given a note. You always take all perspectives into account before you make a decision."

"It's true," said Selwyn. "I've been working with you on our Shakespeare project for a month now, and you always give me room to contribute. You have so many ideas all the time, but you always listen to what I have to say. You always ask and you try to incorporate all my ideas in. I've been in a lot of group projects where people talk over me and it always comes out with the project feeling more like their creation than mine. Working with you is the first time I feel I've had equal input. You're not being expected to write this whole thing on your own. We want to help if you'll let us."

Ruby looked around at the others. "You all feel this way?"

The assembled understudies nodded and Ruby still felt nervous even if weirdly comforted.

"I guess we can try to work something out then," she said.

"Let's get to the classroom and order those pizzas," said Miss Zima.

Ruby asked Max, Nick, Chell, and Selwyn to stay outside the classroom for a moment.

"You don't have to do this," she said. "We've got the right amount of understudies, you don't have to stick your neck out for this."

"Of course we do," Nick said.

"This is a protest," added Max.

"Besides," Selwyn said. "You're gonna need techs."

"Between the four of us, we can hack it," said Chell.

"Alright, but you don't owe me any of this," Ruby reminded them. "You don't have to do this just because the other play fell through."

"The other play didn't fall through," said Max.

Ruby squinted at the fledgling director. "What do you mean it didn't fall through? I was there! Bradley quit!"

"Bradley's one person," Max said. "We can do without him."

"How?"

"I haven't talked this through with the others, so tell me if this is out of line," said Max. "But you're good at thinking on your feet, Ruby. You have good instincts. We can use that. I've decided just now that I want to move you to Narrator One."

Ruby laughed. "You're joking." She saw Max's face. "You're _not_ joking. But that's Chell's part."

Max glanced at Chell to make sure this was alright. "Maybe we move Chell to Narrator Two. Take away the fake glasses, give her back the hair extensions, make her look real grungy. It can work. It's not like a demotion. Narrator One is in all but one scene. Narrator Two is in all of them."

"I'm all for it," Chell said. "I was off book in a week and a half this time. I can just relearn all my scenes as Narrator Two." A sudden realization dawned on her. "Oh does this mean we get to make it gay?"

"You're damn right," Nick grinned.

This was all moving too fast for Ruby. "But...but I'm the Witch. And the Enchantress. And Cinderella. You want me to learn all this on top of that?"

"No," Max said. "I want you to learn it instead of that. We can get someone else to step into the Witch parts. Ruby, I'm asking you to be our lead. Please, Ruby, I'm asking you to save our play."

Ruby was put on the spot and didn't quite know what to say. She just wanted to be the Witch! As cool as it would be to be the lead, she liked the Witch's lines best. But she knew how important this was to Max.

"Yeah," she said. "Yeah, I'll do it."

Max sighed with relief. 

"This'll be wicked," Nick said. "You just wait."

"Thank you," Max said. "Really, you have no idea how much this means to me."

"I couldn't let Quinn get away with that," Ruby said solemnly. "At a certain point, it becomes an injustice. I can't tolerate that."

"Okay, Batman," Chell laughed.

Ruby was acutely aware that Aziraphale and Crowley were waiting for her. "Look, you guys go inside. Tell Miss Zima I'll only be a minute. I need to talk to my dads. I forgot my script today so they're out in the car waiting for me."

"Alright," smiled Selwyn.

"Don't try to do a runner," joked Nick.

"Well now that you've mentioned it, it won't be a surprise!" Ruby shot back.

...

Aziraphale and Crowley were becoming increasingly worried. Ruby still hadn't emerged from the building and her emotions were fluctuating wildly.

"We should go check on her," Aziraphale said. "See what's keeping her."

"If we go in too early, we could embarrass her," Crowley pointed out. "Give her another minute. After that..."

But it didn't come to that. Ruby exited the building hastily, spotted the Bentley, and waved apologetically. Aziraphale and Crowley got out of the car to meet her as she scurried over.

"Where in God's name have you been?" Aziraphale demanded anxiously. "Your emotions have been all over the place! We've been so worried!"

"I'm sorry," Ruby replied sheepishly. "Things got away from me."

"What kind of things?" Aziraphale asked.

"I, uh..." She ruffled her hair with one hand as she let the reality of everything sink in. "I sort of, well, quit the play."

Neither of them had been expecting that. "Oh," Aziraphale replied. "Why? You love that play."

"Not that one," she said. "The other one."

They remembered how angry she'd felt only moments before. "What happened?" asked Aziraphale gently.

"Long story," she said. "But i started a new one. Kind of sort of started a rebellion with the understudies."

Crowley's eyes widened. "You what?"

She laughed. "Yeah. We're doing our own version now. As a horror story."

Crowley glowed with pride. "That's a great idea."

She was pleased that he thought so. "I've gotta get back to it. I'll tell you the rest later."

...

Members of Ruby's little rebellion seemed to have a habit of asking Ruby for permission before doing things.

"You don't have to raise your hand, Emily," said Ruby. "We're all friends here. If you have an idea, just say it. You can all say whatever you want here. This isn't _my_ play, it's _our_ play. I want us to make something we're all proud of. We take all ideas into account. Say whatever you want and we'll talk about it, but don't act like I'm the only one who gets a say here."

"I was just wondering how we're gonna get funding," Emily said. "I mean, we can move a little of the costume fund that we were gonna use anyway, but we need props and sets."

"It's a fair question," Miss Zima said. "I'm willing to put as much as I can toward this. I'm certain if I can talk to some of the other staff, they might pitch in as well."

"Why don't we have a haunted house?" Ruby asked. "I mean, it's October right? I know we don't really do Halloween here, but what if we turned the school into a haunted house as a fundraiser? That could be fun, right?"

"That could be cool," Nick admitted. "Yeah. Yeah I like that idea. We can get as many people on board to cut costs and sell tickets!"

"Not a bad plan," Miss Zima admitted.

Her little collective wasn't used to being given much say. They were used to being treated like pieces to suit a rigid artistic vision instead of as artists in their own right. But as the night progressed, they began to learn to use their voices to speak their own words, and Ruby was actually getting a good feeling about the framework they came up with.

Ruby worried a bit about Nick. That was a big confession he'd made in there and she wasn't sure if it was her place to talk to him about it. She noticed that he was only picking at his piece of pizza.

"I think that's a good place to leave it for tonight," Miss Zima said finally. "I think we have all the makings of a fantastic play. I'm very proud of all of you. And I'm announcing now that anyone who wants to work on this play will have extra credit in my classes. That way, we can fill up some tech spots!" Everyone began gathering their things and Miss Zima came to Ruby's side. "Very nice work."

Ruby beamed. "You really think so?"

"It's rough," she admitted. "But we can clean it up. This feels very revolutionary. I want to thank you for considering me."

"Who else would I consider?" she asked. "I mean, maybe my dads, but you like actually know things."

...

Nick was staring at his phone when Ruby came into the hallway. 

"You alright?" she asked.

He quickly put it away. "Yeah, fine," he said. "I was just hoping that maybe...It doesn't matter."

Ruby knew that Nick was still feeling betrayed by Bradley. She was too. But this wasn't something she was at all comfortable talking about.

"I noticed you didn't eat much," she said as delicately as she could. "How, er, how are you feeling?"

His face fell. "See this is what I was afraid of," he said. "If more people knew about it, they'd start walking on eggshells. My mum already polices everything I eat."

"It's not like that, I swear," she insisted. "I don't want to make you feel...I get it, sort of. Not that I ever could get it. There are things about me that I try to keep people from knowing, because if they knew then they'd treat me different. I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. I just want to be over it already."

"That's the hard part, though, isn't it?" he asked. "I mean are we ever really over what's wrong with us? I finally got back to where I'm not counting calories for every meal and where I don't always feel guilty every time I eat. It took me a long time to get there. But then today Quinn said I trimmed up. And I hate myself because I still had a tiny part of me that felt good about that. Like I'd won something. There's some part of me that's always trying to prove that people can look at me and not think I'm as disgusting as I think I am. That eating disorder voice always comes back. Then it's hard again. Someone in hospital said that an eating disorder is a slow suicide and maybe they were right. Maybe I was slowly trying to kill parts of myself that I didn't like. But it's people like Quinn who made me feel that way. They're murderers, the lot of em."

Ruby didn't know how to respond, but she was very careful not to show anything that could be mistaken for pity in case it made him feel worse. "I'm not saying I can, because I don't know what I could possibly do, but let me know if I can help you. With anything at all, it doesn't have to be this."

"Thanks," he said. "I wouldn't put all that on you, but thanks. Just hold me to it, will you? That's what Chell does. She's the one who started our after rehearsal tradition, you know. She helped me feel better about eating again, just by sitting with me and taking my mind off it. It's easier for the eating disorder voice to come back when I'm alone. But don't, like, mention it. If you push me too much about eating or mention anything related to the disorder then I remember it. I need to be totally distracted or I lose my appetite."

"Sure, that makes sense." She had an idea. "Can I bring you lunch? My dad loves cooking, and I've passed along everything you've said about stuff you _stole_ from me."

He smiled, relieved that she was trying to lighten the mood. "But that takes all the fun out of it! If you give it freely, then I don't get to pretend to be Aladdin swiping a loaf of garlic bread!"

"Fine," she bluffed as she started to walk away. "I won't bring you any. Forget I asked."

"But," he said. "If you're offering, I could hardly refuse one of those little pies? The apple ones?"

She smiled but didn't turn around. "Consider it done."

"I think you can do this, Ruby," he said.

"What, bring you food?"

"Be our lead," he said. "In _both_ plays."

She turned back to face him. "It's sort of mental, isn't it? I mean, it's a lot. Can I tell you a secret? I've never even _been_ in a play before!"

"You're joking!"

She shook her head. "I'm not. The closest I ever came to a play was the audience."

"So you're like naturally talented," he said. "I'm sort of jealous, actually. You're really good, and I'm not just saying that. And more than that, you're a good person. You stood up to Quinn Templeton and won today! I've never seen that before!"

"You haven't seen it yet," she pointed out. "We could still lose."

"We won't lose," he said. "I believe in us. I want to see you up there as our lead, Ruby. Prove them all wrong and be the leading lady that Quinn is so scared you'll be. Stick it to the skinny bitches."

She grinned. "Stick it to the skinny bitches," she agreed.

...

"We need to raise funds," said Ruby that night at dinner. "We've got to get money for props and sets in the next few weeks. I had this idea that we should do a school haunted house thing."

"That's a splendid idea, Ruby!" Aziraphale said. "And how did the rest of your group respond?"

"They really went for it," she said. "We're gonna sell tickets and everything. I was wondering if you wouldn't be willing to help out? We can have parent support. You'll have to be scary, though."

"We'll do whatever you need," Crowley said. "How scary do you need me to be?"

"Oh," Ruby said. "I was actually talking to Aziraphale. No offense, but he's scarier than you."

Crowley was actually wounded by this comment. "Offense taken!" he protested. "I'm scary, I can be very scary!"

"I'm sure you can be," Ruby said. "But Aziraphale's like some kind of weird local cryptid anyway, he just gives off a certain Energy."

Aziraphale walked over to stand behind Crowley and planted a kiss on his forehead. "You're very scary, my dear. You are the most terrifying creature that ever walked the night."

"Damn right I am," he pouted.

"Funny how quitting this play has given me a whole lot more responsibility..." She trailed off as something occurred to her. "I quit the play."

"Yeah, we were there," said Crowley. 

"So you know what that means?" she demanded.

"No," Crowley replied. "What?"

"It means I'm free Saturday. It means I can go to WitchCon!"

Ruby's excitement was contagious. "Well you'd better call Anathema!" Aziraphale exclaimed. "Hop to it!"

Ruby left the table at once to go make the phone call. The house phone rang. Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a look.

"That phone never rings," Crowley said.

"I'll answer it," Aziraphale said. The phone was fixed to the wall with a cord, so Aziraphale had to physically take it off the cradle to answer it. "Hello?"

"Hi, Aziraphale."

Aziraphale was suddenly flooded with guilt. "Maggie! I'm so sorry, our appointment completely slipped my mind-"

"I know, it's fine," Maggie said. "How is Ruby?"

"She's doing well," Aziraphale said. 

"That's good to hear," she replied. "I saw the video just now and worried-"

"What video?"

"You haven't seen it? Sibella Zima sent it to Freya. It's of Ruby's little altercation today. I've been concerned for a while that Ruby might be getting bullied, but she refused to talk about it."

Aziraphale remember Ruby's anger again. "I wasn't aware there was any video."

"What exactly did Ruby tell you about what happened?"

"Not much," he admitted. "Glorious battle of good versus evil. Triumph over injustice. All very 'let my people go'."

"There's more to it than that. Sibella and Freya are talking about taking action."

"Where can I find this video?"

...

Freya texted the video to Crowley. Aziraphale insisted on watching it several times.

_"You don't belong. You'll never belong. There aren't stories for people like you. I heard that you were playing some sort of witch, Ruby? That made sense. Much more sense than anyone ever thinking you could be a lead in anything. Because it doesn't matter how good you are, you don't look the part. They don't give leading lady parts to anyone above a size six."_

"Everything's taken care of," Ruby said as she entered the room. "Apparently Anathema kept my ticket in case I changed my mind-" She suddenly noticed the voices coming from Crowley's phone. "What's going on?"

Aziraphale and Crowley looked up at her. "Why don't you sit down, Ruby," Crowley said, gesturing from their place on the sofa toward the armchair opposite.

She was properly nervous now. "Alright." She took the seat. "What's up?"

"Why didn't you tell us it was this bad?" Aziraphale asked gravely.

"What?"

"This girl," he said. "The way she spoke to you...Why have you never said that she treats you that way?"

"Because it's not a big deal," she said. "I've been through worse than her."

"That doesn't make her treatment of you okay. I take it she does this often?"

Ruby nodded. "I only got mad because it was starting to affect other people."

"I'm proud of you for not losing your temper."

"But I did. If you're watching the video, you can see that."

"That was impressive," Crowley said. "You really downplayed your role in all this. 'This is a rebellion.' That was a very 'that's my daughter' moment. We couldn't be more proud."

"But that isn't what I mean," Aziraphale explained. "I mean you didn't lose control. You could've smited the girl where she stood. But you didn't. I'm not certain I would've had such restraint had I been there. I would've done something most unangelic. I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself and others, and using your words. I never had the courage to do that for myself. I hope you haven't taken any of what she said to heart."

"Of course I haven't," Ruby insisted. "I know better than to let people get to me."

"All the same," Aziraphale insisted. "You are a beautiful, talented, intelligent, _kind_ person. You are capable of absolutely anything. There are no restrictions on what you can do."

She wasn't sure what to say. "Thank you, Aziraphale," was what she settled on.

"How can we help you?" Aziraphale asked. "You don't deserve to be spoken to like that, so if there's some way we can handle it-"

"Don't worry about it," she said. "I've got it under control. I'll show her up at this Battle of the Bitches-"

"I'm sorry?" Aziraphale spluttered. "Battle of the what?"

"Bitches," she repeated. "My play thing."

"I don't like that term," he said. "You are not a bitch, Ruby."

"It's meant to be a bit tongue in cheek," she said. "Because Katherine is interpreted as a bitch, but we're trying to show her sympathetically."

"I still don't like it," he said. "How about Battle of the Shrews?"

"Alright," she laughed. "It's not as catchy, but if it bothers you that much, we'll say that. Battle of the Shrews."

...

Aziraphale and Crowley got ready for bed later that night.

"I know Ruby wants us to drop it," Aziraphale said. "But are we? What's the parental protocol? Should we intervene?"

Crowley thought about this for a moment. "She doesn't want us to. But if there's something we can do..."

"Then?"

Crowley locked eyes with his husband. "Then no. We're absolutely not going to drop it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting a bit heavy in this chapter and I apologize for that. I never had an eating disorder myself, but I was in the hospital with a lot of people who did. Nick isn't very much like the people I knew, but I did combine some things they said into my characterization of him. I'd like to dedicate Nick to Lizzie and Jeggings. I still think of you guys and hope you're doing okay out there. Most of the people I knew with eating disorders were gay men, which is very against the stereotype. Nearly everything out there in media about the experience seems to be inaccurate, so I wanted to give a character who's in recovery. I don't think it's necessary to show the character going through the experience of almost dying. That seems too triggering and reinforces the tragedy aspect that media likes to glorify. The reality of it is scarier than that. So I wanted to create a character who was doing the work in recovery and might still have his bad days, but is really trying. That's the important theme of this fic, that we keep trying even through relapses. I hope I do that justice.


	29. Shut Your Mouth

Aziraphale wasn't sure how these things were supposed to work. He sat in Maggie's incredibly comfortable armchair and fidgeted anxiously. 

Maggie waited patiently. She knew that Aziraphale had to be given space to speak in his own time. Besides, she needed to see what he'd choose to break the silence with.

"She's incredibly resilient," he said finally. "Our Ruby."

Maggie smiled. This opening line made sense. After all, his motivation for seeking treatment had to do with her. "Is that where you'd like to begin?"

This answer made him more anxious. "Should I not begin there? I've never done anything like this before. I always thought psychological matters were something one must buck up and deal with."

"You can begin wherever you like," she said. "There are no wrong answers. You're in control."

"Well that's frightening," he said, smiling nervously. "Who am I to be the one in control? I'm just a Principality. Or rather I was."

"Principalities are protectors, aren't they?"

He finally looked directly at her. "Yes. I'm surprised you know that."

"I've been doing some reading. So you were a principality?"

"Yes. I was the guardian of Eden."

"As in the garden? According to Christian mythology, that was the beginning of life on Earth."

"Yes," he said simply.

"And you were sent to guard it?"

"I'm afraid I didn't do a very good job."

"What happened?"

He smiled sadly. "Well, you know the story, don't you?"

"I know some of it," she said. "I wasn't raised Christian, but it's a very pervasive story in our culture. I refreshed myself a bit with the mythology, but I didn't go as in depth as I could have. Besides, I'd much rather hear it from you. The Bible would hardly be what I'd call a primary source, unless I'm mistaken."

"No, you're quite right. It's a collection of stories written by men who weren't there. It's about as factually accurate as any oral tradition. Some of it holds true, but there are cultural biases and misconceptions and intentional mistranslations. I'm not saying it's all wrong, but context gets lost. Adam and Eve only saw what they were meant to see."

"So there _was_ an Adam and Eve?"

He nodded gravely. "Yes. All of that is true as it happened, but it doesn't _feel_ true because people leave out the bits that make it make sense."

"Like what?"

"Eve wasn't some flighty temptress vixen, for a start. She didn't set out with the goal to harm anyone. And she doesn't deserve all the blame she gets."

"The snake does?"

Aziraphale seemed almost irritated by this suggestion. "It would seem so, but even that isn't factually accurate. Crowley still blames himself and he really doesn't need to carry that weight."

"Crowley? Oh. Are you saying Crowley was the snake?"

He nodded. "It's where we met. We were adversaries with very different tasks. Pawns, both of us, though we didn't understand it at the time. I was always different from the other angels, you know. Never quite measured up to expectations. I'm supposed to be a warrior, but I'm just not. I'm much more sedentary. I enjoy my comfortable life. I disappointed the entire angelic hierarchy when I refused to allow the humans to be destroyed."

"You're a principality."

"Yes."

"Tasked with protecting humanity?"

"Yes."

"Then that's their own fault. You task a principality with protecting humanity and that's what it will do. Of course you'd align yourself morally against anyone who challenges those orders."

"I've never thought of it that way," he admitted. "Yes, I suppose that makes sense. I don't feel like I was always protecting humanity, though."

"Maybe it wasn't on your mind every waking moment and maybe you had times when you did things that were counter intuitive, but I think that protector instinct comes out when you least expect it. You're particular about it, though. Very selective and choosy. You have trouble understanding human motivations but when you find one you sympathize with, you protect at all costs."

"I suppose I do that. It certainly explains Ruby."

She nodded. "And Freya."

It had been a long while since Aziraphale had thought about the circumstances that had brought the two of them together. "Yes."

"Two points make a line," Maggie said. "Not a pattern."

"But there've been others," he said. "Over the years. But you knew that already. Freya was just the most recent before Ruby."

"I still don't know much about what happened with Ruby, but I can see the similarities. Freya knew instantly that Ruby needed a little extra help. That's why she invited her to dinner that night. She wanted my honest opinion. And she was right. I knew it almost at once. I don't have the same empathetic connection that Freya would have with someone in that situation, but I have training. It's all in the eyes."

"She has terribly expressive eyes," Aziraphale said.

"She does. Once you get to know her. I'm still not all the way through her defenses. Occasionally something will flicker behind those eyes, but she usually won't show it if she can help it. Which is expressive in itself. It tells a lot."

Aziraphale considered this insight. "I suppose she has gotten more expressive as she's gotten used to us. The first night we met her, she was completely unreadable. I could sense that she was scared, but beyond that I couldn't make heads or tails of her. I still can't sometimes. Crowley's always been better at anticipating what she needs than I am."

"She and Crowley are very similar people, but you and she have more in common than meets the eye."

"I've come to realize that over time. You know I was originally against us keeping her?"

"'Keeping her.' Interesting phrase. It's not an unusual dilemma for newly-weds. An unplanned child can often be cause for some stress."

"I wasn't thinking of her as a child at the time. I was thinking of her more as you would a small animal. A pet. We already had a cat, what use would we have of a human? I told Crowley that first night not to get attached to her. We had to find her a new home in the morning."

"But then you got attached."

He nodded. "I did."

"Did you think of Freya as a pet when you helped her?"

He considered it. "I don't think I did consciously, but yes. Not as my pet, you understand, because I couldn't keep one. I was rescuing this being and finding it a home. Ruby was an unexpected project because Crowley was the one who brought her home and cleaned her up. She stayed in our home, not some boarding house I could find on short notice. And even when I accepted that she was there, I thought it was temporary. I was going to give her my bookshop."

This was a truly shocking piece of information. "You were going to what?"

"I promised it to her. I thought I might die doing what I had to do to protect her, and I promised her the bookshop as a place to live. It didn't come to that, luckily. I asked her to stay with us instead."

"Not as a pet."

"Not as a pet. As a daughter. Because by then I'd started to see her as one."

"I want to circle back to you leaving her your bookshop. That's a tremendous amount of trust to put on a 16 year old. To give that to Ruby instead of Crowley..."

"Ruby needed a place to stay. She needed some livelihood. She was a 16 year old with no family, no friends, and no prospects. She was in a strange land. The bookshop was the least I could give to her."

"Besides your life."

"My life doesn't seem so important."

"Why not?"

He wasn't sure how to answer that. "Because this is what I'm supposed to do, isn't it? Show tremendous acts of bravery in order to protect things. I'm a principality. Or I was."

"What are the qualifications to be a principality? Do you have to apply?"

"It was an assignment. Angels are all given rank according to what their particular strengths are. I was assigned to protect, as you pointed out. I admit to finding myself with less purpose now that I'm not expected to keep an eye on human affairs. I fill my time, of course. You don't go thousands of years without learning how to use your leisure time. But there's no Plan anymore."

"There's just life."

He nodded.

"And does that disappoint you?" she pressed. "Is it awful to have a comfortable life, free from obligation?"

"No," he said. "I'm happier than I've ever been in my life."

"But?"

"I'm not certain that I'm supposed to be?"

"Why is that?"

"Because I'm a failure. I failed to protect Eve from temptation, I've done very unangelic things and not always because I thought they were just. I do things because I want to. People want to believe that I forsook my angelic duties the moment I decided to avoid the apocalypse, but it goes deeper than that. It goes back to the beginning. I don't do as I'm supposed to. I can't bring myself to. I do only what suits me."

"You hold yourself to a very high moral standard, Aziraphale. No wonder you feel so bad about it. You might be an ethereal being, but you're a person. People do things to meet their own ends. It doesn't make them inherently selfish or immoral. It makes them people. Would you hold Ruby to this standard?"

"I wouldn't have to. She's better than me in every way."

Maggie smiled. "That's certainly high praise. But not true. Ruby is an extraordinary gifted girl with empathy beyond her years, but she has flaws the same as any person. Refusing to see those flaws is in some way even less healthy than critique. When we refuse to see flaws in others, it often comes at expense of our own self image."

"I only mean that she tries hard. You saw that tape."

Maggie nodded. "Yes, I did."

"I must've watched it a dozen times last night. Did you notice that slight tremor of the camera that was pointed to the stage at one point? That one was on a tripod. Ruby must've begun feeling a surge of emotion and caused a small movement. But she got it under control. We were so worried to send her off to school. She used to lose control of her powers constantly. But she kept herself in check. Whatever you're doing for her must be working. I'm very proud, because if I'd been there I likely would've smited that Quinn where she stood. I know better. I'm a 6000 year old former angel who is above petty human affairs. Things like this never would've shaken me before."

"But it's your daughter."

He nodded. "She's my daughter. I want to help her at any cost. The things that girl said about her..."

"They really bother you?"

"That girl wants my daughter to feel like she doesn't belong. She's felt that way her entire life and now she's special. I won't tolerate anyone reminding her that she's different. She already has to be much more conscious of herself than most other people her age. What kind of teenager has to worry that if she gets upset she might cause a lightning storm? That's an incredible amount of pressure to put on her and she deserves to have as normal a childhood as possible."

"Ruby is lucky to have a father like you," Maggie said gently. "She speaks very highly of you, you know."

He was oddly pleased by this revelation. "Does she?"

Maggie nodded. "And frequently. You and Crowley are both very gentle and patient with her. She doesn't always know how to respond to it, but she appreciates it more than you could ever know. She doesn't say much about where she came from, but I get the sense that it was a very limiting environment."

"Crowley says we repotted her," Aziraphale said fondly. "She was in a pot that was too small for her roots to spread, so we moved her to a vast garden where she could flourish."

"That's a beautiful metaphor," Maggie said. "I'm surprised it came from him."

"As was I," he admitted. "But you know Crowley. Plants are his thing." His smile faded and he sighed. "I just worry sometimes."

"About Crowley?"

"Well yes, but no. About how good I really am as a parent. I'm not equipped to be some patriarch, nor is Crowley. I want to do right by her. I worry I'll let her down."

"If it helps, she also worries about letting you down. Don't worry, it's not anything to do with you. It's that limiting pot you took her from. You give her so much encouragement to grow and sincerely believe that she can do anything she sets her mind to. She's not used to having people believe in her. She hopes she can prove worthy of your faith."

"She doesn't have to prove anything," he insisted.

"I know," she smiled. "And that's why she's lucky to have you. You talk about yourself as some sort of fallen angel with no purpose, but you haven't struck me as particularly purposeless. You probably didn't even notice it because you chose the role for yourself unconsciously instead of accepting an assignment. You're still a protector, Aziraphale."

"Me?" he said. "Oh no, I'm definitely not. Crowley is more protective than I am, really. The amount of times I've purposely gotten myself into trouble so he'd have to come to my rescue when I was perfectly capable of doing it myself..."

"You are," Maggie said firmly. "You were willing to lay down your life for this little girl. For what reason, I still don't know. You haven't lowered yourself to be some mere patriarchal figurehead in the human social order by choosing to take this role. You've become Aziraphale, Principality of Fell Cottage. Principality of all that lies within its walls. Principality, perhaps most crucially, of Ruby."

He realized that she was right. "I sort of like that. Principality of Fell Cottage..."

"You're all very protective of each other, I've noticed," she said. "Crowley is protective of you, you're protective of Ruby, Ruby's protective of both of you...In most cases I'd point to codependent bonds and cult mentalities, but it doesn't seem malicious or exclusionary. It's a real cycle of love and it's honestly a bit incredible to witness."

"She was so frustrated by me today," he said. "Also grateful and pleased, but frustrated. She has the most complicated emotions."

"By you specifically? Or are you taking the blame for all of us?"

"I suppose it was all of us," he acknowledged.

"Ruby is so independent," Maggie pointed out. "Of course she'd want to handle this on her own and in her own way. But it meant a lot to her that you wanted to help."

"People were even worse to her where she used to live," Aziraphale said. "She doesn't really talk about it much, but they were. Nobody ever tried to intervene on her behalf. Crowley and I were determined not to make that same mistake. As long as we live, she will never doubt that she's cared for and that someone is willing to help."

"Do you wish someone had intervened on your behalf?"

The question took him by surprise. "What do you mean?"

"You've taken what this bully said to her very personally," she pointed out. "One might think it speaks to something in your own past. The past where you didn't feel like you belonged."

Aziraphale gave this serious consideration. "It does bear some similarities."

"Would you like to elaborate?"

He took a deep breath. "It's just little things, you know. A comment here or there. 'Aziraphale, what did you do with your standard-issue flaming sword?' is expected and doesn't hold much weight even the millionth time. But other comments add up. 'Aziraphale, why do you care so much what the humans think?' 'Aziraphale, why do you enjoy human comforts that angels don't need?' 'Aziraphale, you're not exactly in fighting shape anymore, you should lose a few pounds.' 'My God, Aziraphale, shut up because nobody cares about your opinion.'"

"I'm very sorry you had to suffer those abuses for thousands of years," Maggie said.

"Abuses?" He shook his head. "No, no, they weren't...Ruby is the one who was abused. I had some not-nice things said to me, but ultimately got out unscathed."

She thought for a moment about how best to respond. "Do you know that I'm working on publishing a book about child psychology?"

"No," he admitted. "I didn't."

"It's about childhood interpersonal relationships," she said. "How they shape us into who we'll later become. One of my main points is to stop using the word 'bullying'. I think we should start calling it what it is - peer abuse. Because whether or not any physical violence occurred, the psychological ramifications are very real. Sticks and stones may break bones, but words leave emotional scars that never heal. I think people tend to take 'bullying' less seriously. Calling it what it is might force people to listen more."

"That makes sense," he said.

"It sounds like Heaven was a toxic environment for you," she said. "Let's use Crowley's potting metaphor again. Heaven may have been your limiting pot keeping you from ever reaching your full potential. Would you say that it instilled a real sense of confidence in your own abilities to be treated this way?"

"The opposite, actually. I still undermine myself constantly. I was always afraid that I would do something wrong. And I often did, I just never told them about it."

"So there was a real culture of fear among the angels. What would the punishment have been for doing something wrong?"

"Depends on the severity of the crime. Excommunication hadn't happened for several thousand years, but I still didn't want to risk falling. There's also the possibility of Death by Hellfire. That one's particularly nasty. It's supposed to be painful and you simply cease to exist afterward. No other realm waiting on the other side, just nothing. I was sentenced to it once, but Crowley and I swapped faces and tricked them."

"Aziraphale, I want to make something absolutely clear to you. What you've gone through is not something you should've had to endure, but what you're feeling now is completely normal for someone in that situation. Like it or not, Heaven provided you with a strict purpose and structure that you don't have on the outside and now you feel lost. This is very common for people exiting a cult. It can be terrifying sorting out what you really believe and learning how to go forward from here. But you're lucky. You've got support and help. You tried very hard to overcome your own cognitive dissonance in order to survive, but I know you had your doubts. If you hadn't, you wouldn't be here. Doubt is a very good place to begin when searching for who you really are. You and Ruby are lucky to have each other. She may have rebelled against her cult much earlier, but she's got a lot of work untangling her self-worth from their image of her. This is something we're going to have to work on with you."

"She reminded me of Gabriel," Aziraphale admitted. "This Quinn girl. She reminded me of the angel who made me feel the most worthless."

Maggie nodded. "That makes sense. You're her principality. You just want to protect her from the kind of people who would hurt her like you've been hurt."

"I'd go to the ends of the Earth. But today I only had to go to her school..."

...

Freya and Miss Zima had been very angry about the way Quinn had treated Ruby, but at least this time they had evidence. They'd communicated a plan over email, then prepared what they wanted to say. They approached Maggie about helping, but she said that it wasn't ethical for her to disclose patient information without consent, especially since the patient hadn't admitted to the bullying in session. She didn't want to lose the trust she was building by going behind her back. But she did write out exactly what they should say in the meeting.

Aziraphale and Crowley were the last to be asked if they wanted to press the issue. Of course they couldn't say no. They waited anxiously outside of the headmaster's office just before lunch on that Friday afternoon.

"She'll be so upset with us," Aziraphale fretted.

"It doesn't mean it's not the right thing to do," Crowley said. He made a face. "I can't believe I just said that."

Aziraphale gazed lovingly at his husband and tenderly touched his cheek. "I do believe Ruby's made you go soft."

"Don't rub it in," he grumbled.

...

Inside the office, the meeting was beginning.

Headmaster Greenwood was a legacy around here. His grandfather, Charles Greenwood, had started the school almost a century ago. It had been handed to him upon his death, seeing as his father really had no interest in theatre. 

"There's not much we can do without a formal complaint from the student involved," he said. 

"She won't complain," Freya said. "She's too proud. But she needs someone to intervene on her behalf."

"You act like this is the first time Quinn Templeton has gone out of her way to make someone else's life miserable," Miss Zima interrupted. "I know she was the one who made the complaint against me last year."

"You don't know that-"

"She was pretty smug about it," she said. "I know it was her. She tried to get me fired because I had the audacity to be an out lesbian in my private, off-campus life. If she'd succeeded then Freya wouldn't be teaching here this year. The difference is that this time it's not an anonymous complaint and harassment. We have proof."

"Check your email," Freya said. "I've emailed you the attachment."

"Very well," Greenwood said. 

...

Eventually, Aziraphale and Crowley were asked to come in.

Aziraphale did a doubletake as he came in the room. "Charlie Greenwood?" he asked. "Is that you?"

"I'm afraid you're mistaken," said Headmaster Greenwood. "Charles Greenwood was my grandfather."

"Ah," Aziraphale said. "Of course. That makes sense. You are the spitting image of him, if you don't mind me saying."

"You knew him?"

Aziraphale nodded. "In passing." He and Crowley took their seats. "I'm sorry that we have to meet under these circumstances."

"As am I," the Headmaster replied. "These are very serious charges you're bringing up against one of our star pupils. I need to know if you're intending to press them."

"We don't know what should be done about it," said Aziraphale. "Ruby won't talk about it, but she's very special. She's had some mistreatment in her past and we just need to know that she's not being mistreated now."

"Every student is entitled to a fair education," he admitted. "It weighs on my conscience to know that we could be promoting a culture that makes that impossible."

"Then I put it to your conscience to decide what is fair and just in this case. I recognize that Quinn is a child and likely doesn't know better, but this is a school. What better place to educate?"

...

Ruby was called out of lunch to come to the Headmaster's office. She'd never even seen the man, but she had to admit to being a little curious. She found Aziraphale and Crowley waiting for her just outside the door.

"What is it?" she asked.

"We had to make a formal complaint against Quinn," Aziraphale said apologetically. 

Her eyes widened. "You _didn't._ I told you to stay out of it!"

"We love you too much," Aziraphale replied. "We couldn't allow this treatment to continue."

"I know you're upset with us," Crowley said.

"Upset?" she repeated. "Annoyed is a better word." 

She hugged Aziraphale, then hugged Crowley for good measure.

"I thought you said you were annoyed," said Crowley.

"I am," she said. "But I love you too."

...

Quinn and Ruby sat side by side in the Headmaster's office. The only teacher who remained was Miss Zima, who leaned against the wall to get a better vantage point from which to lip read.

"I'm very disappointed in you, Miss Templeton," said the Headmaster. "This is very shocking behavior from one of our students - particularly from one who is so highly regarded. There are those who would like me to expel you."

"You can't do that!" Quinn said.

"I can," he said. "It's within my power. But this is, as far as I know, only your first offense. Without any evidence of a pattern, I hesitate to do more harm. I'd like to give you a chance to redeem yourself. I've been reminded that this is a place of learning, so it is my job to educate you. I've been recommended a few books that I think you could benefit from. I'd like you to read them and write me essays. They're short books, you should be able to complete this by the end of the month."

Quinn really didn't like the sound of that. "But I need to rehearse! The play-"

"Will not suffer any from your attempts to enrich yourself. Do I make myself clear?"

She was clearly silently fuming, but she nodded anyway.

"If I hear that you've been threatening or otherwise intimidating any student, you will be expelled. Do I make myself clear?"

She nodded again.

"Good. Now apologize to Ruby."

Quinn glanced at Ruby with spiteful eyes. "No. I don't have anything to apologize for."

"You heard me, Miss Templeton. Apologize."

Quinn glared at Ruby some more, and Ruby had to wonder if she'd actually go through with it. She locked eyes with her nemesis and felt a sudden deja vu.

_"Apologize to your sister, Evangeline."_

_"No. I didn't do anything wrong."_

_"Apologize to her. Now."_

"It's okay, Headmaster," Ruby said. "She doesn't need to apologize. I don't want an apology if it's not sincere, and this would just be forced. People get out of things all the time just by apologizing, but they don't always mean it. It doesn't mean anything if they're just gonna keep thinking they did nothing wrong and just wanna look like the good guy."

"That's a very mature opinion, Miss Fell," the Headmaster said. "Maybe she'll feel more apologetic once she's had time to reflect on how her actions affect others." He shuffled some papers on his desk. "Now, Miss Zima tells me you had other business to discuss? Some reimagining of Taming of the Shrew?"

"Yes," Ruby said.

"You're aware that I have to greenlight all productions before they begin," he said. "It's highly irregular to go about the business of putting together a cast before your script has been submitted for review."

"Miss Zima said it can be a sort of class project," Ruby replied. "She's willing to give us points for it and everything."

"You realize we've already allocated school funding to one production of Taming of the Shrew? We can't put money toward a second and risk losing our investment on the first."

"You wouldn't have to," Ruby said. "We thought this all up yesterday. Take the budget that was going to be used for understudy costumes and use that for our costumes. They won't need that extra. And we've decided to make up the rest by having a school-wide haunted house."

He raised his eyebrows. "Haunted house?"

"Yeah," she said. "The school wouldn't have to pay a thing, we'd bring our own materials and turn the halls into a Halloween thing. We'd make our costumes and put it all together ourselves and sell tickets for tours. All proceeds go to making our sets and purchasing props."

"That's actually not a bad idea," he admitted. "Miss Zima tells me you have a deadline in mind? End of the month?"

She nodded. "We thought we could do it in time for Halloween."

"I can't give you the slot on Halloween because it's taken," he said. "I have an opening on the 24th if you're really sure you want to do it this quickly."

"I'm sure."

"How soon can you put together this haunted house?"

"In practically no time."

"I have an open slot one week from today."

"I can do it."

Quinn was unspeakably irritated that he was going along with this. "You can't be serious? You're just going to let her do this?"

"Good point," Ruby said. "It's less cool if we have the official stamp of approval. I want to bill this as an unauthorized production. So can you do the thing where grown ups are like 'I can't officially say that' but then you kind of nudge me to do it anyway? It's way more rebellious if you're not on board."

He considered this then nodded. "Request granted. But you'll get no official support from the school. You can have your advisors and do what you like, but you'll have to do your own advertising. We can bill this as an unauthorized production and get more people in seats. People will want to be at both to see which is better."

"Battle of the Shrews?" she offered.

"That's a good tagline, we should keep that," he agreed.

"This is ridiculous," Quinn sulked. "You can't really be letting this happen."

"You're just scared that my play will be better than yours," Ruby shot back.

"Think of it this way, Miss Templeton," said the Headmaster. "You do your reading and do this Battle of the Shrews and I won't notify your parents about your behavior. If you want to think of it as detention, feel free."

She was obviously incensed by this comment, but knew she had to hold her tongue or risk expulsion. "Fine," she said finally. "Whatever."

... 

Ruby was dismissed and allowed to leave before Quinn. She met Aziraphale and Crowley outside.

"Very well-put," Aziraphale said. "You're full of extraordinary insights, my dear."

She smiled. "Well you know what they say...Words without thought..."

"I feel I must warn you, dear, that I will not be accompanying Crowley to fetch you this evening. I will see you at home later."

He'd never not accompanied them, so this news surprised her. "What? Why?"

Aziraphale still hesitated to tell her, but knew better than to lie to her. "Well as it happens, I'm, eh, seeking counselling. With Maggie, as a matter of fact."

She hadn't been expecting this. "Oh. How long has this been going on?"

"Today's the first time," he admitted.

She hugged him. "Then I want to go with you."

He smiled. "You don't have to do that."

"I don't want you to have to go alone, and that's what it sounds like you're trying to do. If you really want to be alone, I'll respect that. But if you want the company, I have no problem being out in that waiting room like you've done for me."

Aziraphale was extraordinary touched by the offer. "I'd appreciate that. If I'm being honest, I am a bit nervous and could use the support."

"You don't have to be nervous," she insisted. "Maggie's very good. And we'll be right there waiting. I'm sorry, I didn't know you needed extra help."

He patted her on the back. "It's not your job to know that. I'm the parent."

"Is it weird that it makes me feel better?"

"Me going to counselling?"

"Knowing that I'm not the only one."

He tightened his arms around her. "Of course you're not, my dear. You never have been."

...

"She forgave you instantly because she knew your intentions were to protect her," Maggie said after listening to this story. "I never doubted she would. Are you familiar with the concept of misattunement?"

Aziraphale shook his head. "No, I'm afraid not."

"It's important that a parent be attuned to the child's needs," Maggie explained. "A child who is left to cry and doesn't have its needs met will grow up unable to express them. So many parenting books have said you should allow an infant to cry itself out with no comfort. That's a mistake. That's the first mistake any parent can make. I imagine you and Ruby have in common families who refused to attend to your needs and conducted themselves in opposition to them."

"Ruby's parents wouldn't feed her," Aziraphale said darkly. "They'd withhold food and not let her eat when she was hungry."

"And how did this affect her?"

"I caught her 'stealing' food once. She wasn't stealing it, of course. It was a snack we'd bought for her. She just felt she had to ask us for permission to eat it, but also thought we might say no. So she tried to steal it."

"How did you respond?"

"I told her she's free to eat what she likes, when she likes."

"Do you also have trouble justifying meeting your own basic needs?"

"I don't have very many basic needs."

"Emotional needs count. I've noticed you have a fair amount of anxiety about reaching out for any sort of help. You fear showing your true emotions. Ruby hides hers behind a mask of inscrutability. Your mask is perfect contentment."

"That's a fair observation," he admitted slowly.

Maggie smiled. "It's good that you've taken this first step. You have nothing to worry about when it comes to your parenting of Ruby. You've both suffered from misattunement, but you are wonderfully attuned to her needs now. You may not always understand them, but you try to meet them. As long as that remains the case, you don't need to fear damaging her."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who donated to help me get my medication! I'm now $20 away from my goal!
> 
> This note originally said that I was gonna take another hiatus, but you know what? Fuck that. I'll see you guys next week! We'll pick up next time with the long-awaited WitchCon!


	30. Season of the Witch

"I wish we'd had time to buy you something," Anathema said as she rooted around in her closet. "You'll have to settle for whatever we can find in here."

"You sure your old stuff will fit me?" Ruby asked.

"You can Miracle the seams out, can't you?" Anathema said absently.

Ruby smiled, relieved about this answer. "Yeah. That's what Aziraphale always does with his favorite suits. We just Miracle Stretch clothes."

"There you go then." She tossed Ruby a skirt. "What about this?"

She held it up and examined it. It was gray with black flowers stitched on it. "Maybe," she said doubtfully. "I was hoping a bit more witchy..." She noticed something Anathema was pushing past. "Wait, what was that?"

"Hm?"

Ruby got up off Anathema's bed and pulled something from the closet. It was a long black velvet cloak that had a moon clasp in front. "This is wicked!" she breathed. 

Anathema smiled. "You want to try it on?"

Ruby nodded enthusiastically so Anathema took it from her and guided her to the mirror. She stood behind her and placed the cloak around her, taking care to clasp it securely in front. 

"And look!" Anathema said, flipping the hood up. "It has a hood!"

Ruby squealed happily as she looked at her reflection. "Now that's more like it!" she said. There was something about the way the cloak fell around her and the hood partially cast her face in mysterious shadows that she found particularly flattering. She wasn't used to feeling comfortable in her own skin, but this cloak finally made her feel like her outsides matched her internal image of herself. She adjusted her red hair so that it fell nicely out from under the hood.

 _Nothing witchier than red hair,_ she thought.

"It looks beautiful on you," Anathema said. "I haven't worn this cloak in years. You can have it if you want."

"I can?" she asked. "Thank you." She ran her hands along the material. Her eyes widened. "It has _pockets_?"

"It didn't originally," Anathema smiled. "I had to add them myself. All proper witch clothing has to be pocketed or else where are you gonna keep your cool rocks?"

"Right," she nodded. "I can't wear something this cool over just jeans and a t-shirt though," she said, glancing at the rest of her outfit.

"I'm sure we can arrange for something more suitable. I have the perfect dress in here somewhere..."

...

Ruby emerged into the kitchen a moment later wearing a green velvet floor-length dress that was embroidered with little moons around the hem. Her new cloak was fastened loosely over the whole ensemble and she smiled sheepishly.

"You both look beautiful," Newt said, even though Anathema was dressed no differently than always.

"Absolutely enchanting," Aziraphale said.

"Good work," agreed Crowley.

"I bought that dress for a Renaissance Fair years ago then never wore it again," Anathema explained. "I'm glad Ruby's getting some use out of it now." She held out a hand. "Keys?"

Newt reached into his pocket and retrieved his car keys, which he placed into her hand. "Hope you two have a good time," he said.

"I'm sure we will," Anathema said. "Your first WitchCon is always special."

...

Wicca was waiting for them at the car.

"Not thinking of leaving without me, were ya?" she asked.

"Wouldn't dream of it," said Anathema. "If anyone deserves WitchCon, it's the original."

Anathema got in the car and Wicca phased into the back seat. Aziraphale pulled Ruby aside.

"Time for checks, dad?" she asked fondly. 

He adjusted her cloak anxiously. "You will be careful, won't you?"

"No," she teased.

"Just don't do anything reckless," he cautioned her. "Please. You're likely to be the most powerful person there and drawing unnecessary attention to yourself could prove unwise."

"I understand," she said.

"You have your Holy Water?" he asked.

She smiled. "The cloak has pockets, dad."

"Good," he said. Then he smiled. "Have fun."

She hugged him. "I'll see you tonight and tell you all about it." 

"You'd better," he said. 

She pulled away and waved at Crowley before climbing into Newt's car.

"WitchCon here we come," Anathema said.

"I still don't understand why we couldn't just teleport there," Ruby said as the car pulled away.

"We don't want to call unnecessary attention to ourselves," Anathema said. "Aziraphale was right about that."

"But shouldn't we ride broomsticks or something?" she asked.

Anathema chuckled. "That's such a stereotype."

"Can you imagine how uncomfortable it would be to ride a broom?" asked Wicca. 

"It's aesthetic goals though," Ruby said.

"You're going to see all sorts of different kinds of witches there," Anathema explained. "Some of them will be more modern than others. There's not just one witch aesthetic."

"Oooh will there be Voodoo there?" asked Ruby. "Can I meet an actual Voodoo witch doctor?"

Anathema winced. "There are a few things you should know before we get there, Ruby. The first is that Voodoo, as you imagine it, is a racist stereotype. Catholics saw the real religious practices in Africa and Latin America and made up stories about reanimating the dead and doing sacrifices. They wanted to scare people into believing that brutality toward them was justified. It's not your fault that you didn't know - it's very pervasive in our culture - but don't mention Voodoo at WitchCon. There will be black and Latin witches there, but Voodoo is its own religion and we shouldn't disrespect it."

"I understand," said Ruby.

"I guess you probably have a whole lot of questions for me," Wicca said.

"Well now you mention it," said Ruby. "But is that okay? I don't wanna grill you if you're uncomfortable."

"I'm fine," Wicca shrugged. "Everyone always wants to know. So where do you wanna start? Most people go with 'you're very tan for a Druid'."

"It hadn't occurred to me," she said truthfully. 

"People have this idea that old Britons have to be pure white," she acknowledged. "But my ancestors came from Africa, same as everyone else. We just weren't as far removed from it at the time."

They passed the rest of the car ride with Ruby asking questions. She just wanted to be prepared.

...

The convention was held in a large building that had been rented out specially. The owners of the building had no idea what it was being used for, and this suited everyone just fine.

It looked inconspicuous from the outside when they were getting their tickets punched.

"Hold on to your ticket," Anathema warned.

"Why?" Ruby asked. "Will they need to see it?"

"No," she said. "It's just good to hang on to little things like that. For the memories."

"I guess that's true," she said. "Huh. I've never had anything I WANT to remember before."

Anathema put an arm around her shoulder. "Well here's to making memories, Batty."

They walked inside and Ruby struggled to keep her composure. It was even more perfect than she could've imagined!

The room was a large dome with multiple levels constructed around the walls. Each level, including the ground floor, was filled with booths and tents peddling different wares. Performers were clustered around at odd intervals eating fire and performing small illusions. There were witches from all over the world. Some were dressed pretty modern, others were in various formal wear from around the world.

Ruby noticed a woman peddling amulets while wearing a blue headscarf covering her hair. "There are so many kinds of people here," she said. "Are they all witches?"

"Yes," Anathema said. "There are many kinds of witches with many differing faiths."

"Amazing," Ruby said. "It's like however different we are, we have this one thing in common."

"WitchCon is always the first weekend in October," Anathema explained. "Apparently they originally proposed it for Samhain, but they thought it would be disrespectful to the holiday to hold it on the day itself. Samhain is a time for family and close friends, after all. So we treat WitchCon as an opportunity to buy all your witchy wares before the day."

"Samhain is Halloween, right?" Ruby asked.

"Very good," Anathema said. "You've been paying attention."

"Samhain's always good fun," Wicca said. "You do bonfires and eat and celebrate the dead."

"And do sacrifices?" Ruby asked.

"If you mean slaughtering a pig for our meal, then yes," Wicca said.

"Do you want to get your face painted?" Anathema asked as they walked past a booth.

"That's so lame," Ruby scoffed. "Like I'm 12?" Then she saw a lady emerge from the booth with painting of a butterfly on her cheek that was really flapping its wings. "Uh on second thought..."

...

Witches who practiced face painting had refined the simple carnival amusement to an artform. They mixed natural dyes and pigments found in nature and enchanted them to create animated masterpieces. Ruby got cat whiskers to start with and was delighted that they twitched and moved around like real whiskers would. She also got a green snake coiled around her neck like a necklace. That one was a little pricier because the artist had to put border enchantments on it to restrict it to slithering only in her face, neck, and arms. The animations were guaranteed to last until you washed them off and wouldn't stain the skin.

"I'm gonna name him Do Re Mi," said Ruby.

"Why?" asked Anathema.

She pointed to the snake. "Scales."

... 

There was so much to see and Ruby wanted to see it all. There were fashion booths with the latest in "witch wear", art tents with all manner of sculpures and paintings, divination, palmistry, tarot, dream reading, potions, and charms - everything Ruby could imagine and so much more.

"Oh can I have a hat?" she said excitedly as she snatched off her hood and jammed a black triangle with a purple ribbon onto her head.

"Whatever you want," Anathema said.

"It's not a stereotype?" she asked.

"It's a stereotype, just one we've embraced."

...

"This is good," Wicca said. "I mean obviously I'd prefer for us to be able to live completely in the open, but this is still so much more freedom than I ever could've dreamed of."

"So what's it like being a ghost?" Ruby asked. She'd always wanted to ask but thought it might be rude.

"It has its moments," Wicca admitted. "It can be really fun scaring people. But it can get lonely. Some ghosts are sort of stuck. They don't really know what's going on, they just live in a constant loop. It's hard to find sentient ghosts just to hang around with and visit your old haunts."

Ruby laughed. "Old haunts."

"Sometimes we mean that literally. Tag teaming a mark can be fun."

There was something that had been on Ruby's mind for a while but she hadn't worked up the courage to say. "I have this sort of, uh, acquaintance. She's a ghost. She's sort of lost. Doesn't know who she is or what happened to her."

Wicca nodded. "That's common. Something traumatic happened to her and she's not ready to deal with it."

"I've been trying to help her figure it out."

"That's nice of you. That could help her. Just be sure she's ready for whatever you find out."

"What do you mean?"

She took a moment to consider how she wanted to phrase this before answering. "Sometimes the dead bury their memories because it's easier. Finding out the truth in the wrong way can be psychologically damaging."

"More psychologically damaging than being dead in the first place?"

"Trust me, you don't want to see what happens to a ghost when news hits her the wrong way. You try telling a Viking woman that she's been dead for 3000 years. It's not pretty."

But this wasn't really what she wanted to ask. "Is there a way you can, you know, contact a ghost? Like say maybe your last conversation didn't go so well and she disappeared..."

"Ruby Fell, are you fighting with this mystery ghost?"

"Not fighting," she said defensively. "I just said some things I didn't mean and I don't want to end it that way."

Wicca peered at her. "You really feel bad about this, don't you? That's unusual. The living do tend to pity the dead, but they don't usually get all torn up about hurting our feelings."

"But is there some way? Like a seance or whatever?"

"I could find her for you myself if you knew what her name was. You could try a summoning seance, but again it's a toss up if you can contact someone without a name."

"I gave her a nickname? It's not exactly a common one."

"That could work, but she'd have to choose to answer. If she doesn't want to talk to you, she doesn't have to respond."

"How do I do that?"

"You'd have to have a group of real witches who are up for it. It's not for the faint hearted. You could let in things you're not looking for if you're not careful."

"Oh my god I LOVE your cloak!"

Ruby was startled from her conversation by a blonde witch of about her own age. "Where did you GET that?" the young witch asked. "It's like mad retro."

"My sister gave it to me," Ruby said sheepishly. "I like your uh dress." The girl had on a periwinkle minidress with a black shawl. 

"Thanks," she glowed. "First WitchCon?"

"Yeah," Ruby admitted.

"Mine too. I was so excited when I heard it was gonna be in London this year! It's usually so far away!" She clasped her hands in front of her. "I'm Sanna."

"Ruby."

"You here with your coven?"

"No, just my sister and a ghost."

"Do you have a coven yet? I know they're not really the thing anymore, but I'm here with my Tumblr coven. We've mostly done spells over Whatsapp so it's always exciting to meet in person. If you don't have a coven yet, we were looking for a 4th. Just on a trial basis."

"You pick your coven members just based on outfit choices?"

She shrugged. "Amira says we need to look at applicants. Amira's our coven leader. You should meet her. She's like even cooler in person."

"You do need other witches if you want to do a seance," Wicca reminded her.

"I'd love to meet them," Ruby said.

"Wicked!" Sanna said. "I think they're still at the tarot booth. I've got bored with tarot to be honest. It never tells me anything interesting's gonna happen."

Ruby let herself be dragged to the tarot booth.

"Great power will be entering your life sooner than you think," said the old fortune teller. "Friendship is built on trust so use it at your own peril."

"Amira, I found a 4th!" Sanna said loudly.

The girl who was getting a reading jumped and adjusted the loose purple scarf she had tied around her head. "I'm in the middle of a reading, Sanna."

"But I found a 4th! Where's Elodie?"

"Here," said said a tall girl with lavender hair. She had her arms laden with various items. "Just deciding what to buy. I don't know if it's worth it to go all-in on another tarot set. I already have 5."

"Who knew you were such a hoarder," Sanna laughed. "I'm serious, though, I found us a 4th."

This time both Elodie and Amira paid attention. Amira turned to look at Ruby directly. Amira's eyes were a rich dark brown that was only a few shades darker than her reddish-brown skin. Her glossy black hair fell in waves around her shoulders.

"Red hair," Amira said. "Is it natural?"

"You could say that," Ruby replied.

"The superstition is that natural redheads have the most raw power," Amira explained. "A lot of people dye it for that reason. What's your name?"

"Ruby," she said.

"Ruby. Fitting name. You seem like a gem."

"Thanks?"

"Come from an old family, Ruby?"

She thought about Aziraphale and Crowley. She knew they weren't technically witches, but they were pretty old. "The oldest," she said. "I'm also distantly related to Agnes Nutter, if you know who that is."

"Who?" asked Elodie.

"I've heard of her," Amira said. "She got burned at the stake."

"Amira's big into history," Sanna said. "She wants to commune with the ancestors or whatever."

This was exciting news. "Oh?" She tried not to sound too eager. "I've been trying to find people who want to do a seance."

"A seance? That's pretty advanced. How long have you been practicing?"

She shrugged. "A few months. I'm not very good."

"A seance is pretty tricky magic for a beginner. How good are you at conjuring?"

"I'm getting better. I'm working on it."

"Who are you thinking of contacting?"

"Just this girl I know. There's this ghost who's been wandering around and I'm not sure how else to get in touch with her."

"No personal emotions?"

"No," she lied. "I barely know her."

"Good," Amira said. "Personal feelings can be used against you. Anything that wants to get in can feed on them. Better just to have a simple clear picture of the person you want to contact. It's still dangerous though."

"Tell them you have a spirit guide," Wicca said.

"I have a spirit guide," Ruby echoed.

Amira's eyebrows shot up. "Well," she said. "That changes things. You can trust this spirit guide?"

Ruby glanced at her. "Yeah, I can."

"Is she here right now?" Sanna whispered.

"She can hear you, yeah," Ruby said.

"I'm in," Amira said. "I've always wanted to try a seance, but it's hard with just three. Usually I'd prefer to do something smaller to prove coven compatibility, but this just got interesting. Do you have any protective amulets?"

"I can get some."

"Good. When would you like to do this?"

"As soon as possible."

"How's tonight?"

Ruby knew this was a test to see if she'd back out. "I'm free. I'll have to check with my dads."

They were interrupted by a voice from outside the tent. "Ruby? Ruby?"

"In here, Anathema!" Ruby called back.

Anathema came into the tent and was visibly relieved. "There you are! I turn my back for one minute and you wander off!"

"Sorry," Ruby said. "I got distracted. There's a lot to look at."

"It's fine," Anathema said. "I know you can take care of yourself. But your dads put the fear of God into me before they let me take you out today..."

Ruby laughed. "I bet they did."

Anathema noticed they weren't alone. "Who are your friends?"

"They want to give me a trial for their coven," she explained.

"Really?" Anathema said. "That's great!"

"They want to know if I can do a seance tonight."

Anathema's expression clouded with worry. "A seance? That's very advanced."

"It was my idea," Ruby insisted. "I just need to find Lethe. And Wicca says she'll be a spirit guide."

"I'm not crazy about the idea," Anathema admitted. "Your dads aren't gonna like it either. Maybe if you'll agree to let us supervise-"

"I'll do anything," Ruby said. She turned back to the group. "Would you guys let my sister supervise? She won't get involved unless she has to, but she's more experienced than I am."

"If your parents agree, I'll let you use my house," Anathema said.

The coven exchanged a look. "Alright," Amira said. "Here, we'll give you our numbers and you can let us know."

"I can do that," Ruby agreed. 

"Oh and Happy Samhain," Sanna said brightly.

"It's not Samhain yet, dummy," said Amira.

"I know," she said. "But Christians get to say Merry Christmas for a whole month, so why can't we say Happy Samhain?"

...

Anathema waited until they were out of earshot to express her concern. "I don't know, Ruby. This seems dangerous, especially for a beginner. If they pressured you into agreeing, there will always be other covens-"

"They didn't pressure me," Ruby insisted. "It was my idea. If anything, I had to talk _them_ into it. We'll be safe, I promise. I just need to find Lethe. We had a fight last time I saw her and I said things I didn't mean. I just need to find her. It's not like we're conjuring from the other side. Lethe is here somewhere, I just need to find her."

Anathema could see how much this was bothering her. "Alright. But we still have to ask your dads."

"Yeah, that's the hard part," Ruby said. "They're _not_ going to like this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who donated on my Tumblr campain! I finally made my goal, so I'm about to be back on my medication!
> 
> And just in time to go on hiatus again. I won't be posting next week, but the week after I'll post 3 new chapters! Will Ruby perform a seance to see Lethe again? We'll see!


	31. Playing God

"No. Absolutely not."

"What your father means to say is 'let's talk about this'."

"That is _not_ what I meant, Crowley, and you know it." Aziraphale turned his fury on Anathema. "And what were you thinking agreeing to this?"

"I didn't agree to it," Anathema said. "I said she had to ask you, and if you said yes then we could talk about it. It's high level magic."

"Spectacularly dangerous magic, you mean," Aziraphale said. 

"Aziraphale, this is really important to me-" Ruby began.

"And you're really important to me," Aziraphale interrupted. "I refuse to risk you this way. How do you think I would feel if I gave the go ahead for something of this magnitude and it destroyed you?"

She was touched beyond words that he would say something so demonstrative, especially in front of company. "I know. I understand. But I'm basically indestructible."

"We don't know if there are limits to that," Aziraphale reminded her. "Besides, you're asking us to risk a bunch of children that we don't know for this little venture. We could be held liable. And don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

"With you little painted whiskers drooping like that. It's not going to soften my resolve."

She hadn't realized that the cat whiskers she'd had painted on her face were drooping in a meek, disappointed fashion. "But can we just talk about this?"

"No."

"Anathema will be with me," Ruby said. "I'll be very careful-"

"It's not up for discussion, Ruby. I won't hear of it. I absolutely forbid it."

The air in the room changed, though not in any perceivable physical way. No howling winds ripped through the land and no thunderous rain threatened the stability of the region. Despite the lack of these markers that would normally show that a line had been crossed, the room was filled with a palpable tension. Aziraphale had just spoken the one word which must never be said in Ruby's presence, at least not in any serious manner. 

"You _forbid_ it?" Ruby repeated, eyes flashing dangerously.

Aziraphale wasn't scared of Ruby exactly, but he did falter a bit. "Yes," he managed to stammer out. "I absolutely forbid it."

"Under whose authority?"

"Mine. I won't hear of you doing anything dangerous and you will listen to me because my word is final."

She raised her eyebrows, but her threatening manner was undercut slightly by the comical way her painted whiskers seemed to bristle. "Why? Because you think you own me now? You gave me a bit of genetic material so now you can just tell me what to do? Because I can just do what I want, I don't _need_ to ask you!"

Crowley knew that they were both feeling a bit hurt. "Let's all just calm down, alright? Before we say something that we don't mean. We need to talk this through."

"What's there to talk about?" Ruby sulked. "I never let anyone tell me what to do and it's gotten me this far, hasn't it? You think you're the first person to try to forbid me to do something? The last person who tried pulling 'my house, my rules' on me died in prison, so forgive me if I don't take orders."

Aziraphale was instantly sorry that he'd reminded her of anything from her old life. "Always."

This answer threw her off. "What?"

"You're forgiven," he said. "Always and completely. Not that you need it. I hope you can forgive me for raising my voice."

This was slightly funny from Ruby's perspective, because as far as she'd noticed he hadn't raised his voice at all. The problem hadn't been with his volume, it had been with his tone. But his apology sparked a bit of hope in her. 

"So you'll let me do the séance?" she asked hopefully.

"Oh absolutely not," he said. "That's not going to happen, end of story."

Crowley could see that Ruby was fuming. She had that look on her face that he knew well, because it was the same one he'd seen on himself and Aziraphale just before they said something they didn't mean.

"I think we need to cool down," he said. "Everyone's getting a little heated, so we should take a minute to think. I'm not exactly qualified to mediate - I'm more trained to incite conflict - so maybe we need some outside help."

"Who do you suggest?" Aziraphale asked.

…

The phone rang, but Maggie didn't want to take her hands off the wheel. 

"Can you get that?" she asked Freya. "Just put it on speaker for me?"

"Got it," Freya said, digging it out of her bag.

"Hello?" Maggie said once the call had been answered.

Crowley sighed with relief. "Maggie, I'm so glad we caught you. Are you busy?"

Maggie exchanged a look with Freya, who raised her eyebrows ever-so-slightly. The note of anxiety was evident in Crowley's voice and they weren't used to hearing that.

"Just driving home from WitchCon," Maggie said. "What do you need?"

"We're having a bit of trouble here," he admitted. "We might need a mediator."

"Why?"

"It's a bit of a story," he said. "Can you come over? We're at the bookshop."

This was too intriguing a request to pass up. "Sure, let me just-"

But Crowley, in all his anxiety, couldn't even wait for her to finish that sentence. By some Miracle, Maggie found herself pulling onto the street where the bookshop was located, even though she'd been in a completely different part of the city only a second before.

"-turn around," she finished lamely.

She exchanged another look with Freya before pulling the car to a stop. They'd both decided without having to say a word that they would just roll with it.

…

Maggie could see that something major had gone down. Crowley was more anxious than she'd ever seen him, Aziraphale was anxious and regretful though he hadn't lost his stubborn resolve, and Ruby was nowhere to be found. Anathema was sitting behind the front desk with the air of someone uncomfortably observing family drama.

"Did you find the frog spawn you were looking for?" Maggie asked kindly.

Anathema adjusted her glasses. In all the chaos, she'd forgotten that they'd run into each other briefly at WitchCon outside of a healing crystal booth. "I found some that will do," she said. "I decided it wasn't worth it to pay all that money for the name brand."

"Probably wise," Freya said, equally as awkward and out of place. "Frog spawn is frog spawn. Unless you need a specialized breed for your recipe, I don't see the point in not buying local. And even then, I'd just wait for the spring anyway and go harvesting myself."

"This is all fascinating side conversation," Crowley said. "But would you mind focusing less on frog spawn and more on ours?"

"I would," Maggie said. "But you haven't told me why we're here. We just appeared."

"Aziraphale and Ruby are, eh..." He ruffled his hair awkwardly as he tried to think of the right word to use. "I don't think fighting is the right word. Pre-fighting?"

"Really?" Maggie asked. This was an unforeseen turn of events. "I've got to be honest, from what I've observed from both of you, I never anticipated you having major conflicts."

"We're having differences of opinion," Aziraphale explained. "We disagree about what's best."

"Ah," Maggie nodded. "So this is a parenting dilemma?"

"I suppose so," Aziraphale said.

Ruby was sullenly pretending to read a book near the railing on the second floor and called over the edge. "You wish!"

Aziraphale gestured as if to say 'you see what I mean'. 

"I'm interested in hearing what both of you have to say," said Maggie. "But I think I'll start with Aziraphale first. Can we go somewhere where we can talk and not be overheard?"

"Not like I'm interested in eavesdropping," Ruby said. "He won't discuss it or hear another word about it. So what could I possibly get out of it?"

Maggie could see the conflict going on behind Aziraphale's eyes and knew she'd made the right decision. "Freya, would you mind sitting with Ruby for a minute?"

"What?" Freya said. This wasn't something that had ever been asked of her before, so she wasn't sure what Maggie's goal was.

"I don't need a babysitter," Ruby said. "I'm not gonna run off. Yet. I haven't decided."

"She's not a babysitter," Maggie assured her. "I know you can take care of yourself. It just might help to have someone outside the conflict to talk to. Or don't. Whatever."

Maggie tugged on Freya's sleeve and made a gesture in the air around them to put up a temporary noise charm. This would only last about 30 seconds, so she had to be brief.

"Sit with her and see if you can get her to talk," she whispered. "I don't think I need to tell you not to push too hard. You know what you're doing."

"Do I?" Freya asked.

"Remember why you brought her to me in the first place."

Those simple words told Freya everything she needed to know.

...

Aziraphale and Crowley went with Maggie to the back room.

"So you did it," Maggie said. "You finally put your foot down about something."

"Well," Aziraphale said. "I mean, it wasn't exactly like-"

"Good for you," Maggie said.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Judging by her reaction, you didn't do it properly, but the intent was there. So I'm proud of you for establishing a boundary. Your family has a worrying lack of those."

"Worrying?" Aziraphale asked. "Worrying how?"

Maggie smiled. "Not worrying as in I think it would ever harm her, because I know she's safe with you. You'd never exploit that trust. You prioritize her happiness too much to let that happen. But that's almost part of the problem. Making her happiness the priority is the goal, but you consistently prioritize her short-term happiness. I expect that's because you're immortal, so there's never anything more than the moment for you. There's infinite time in life to make mistakes, so there's no point in worrying too much."

"We did our worrying," Crowley said. "For 6000 years. We're all together now. We can be happy now."

"Which is good," Maggie assured him. "But sometimes you need to think of her future happiness. If you always make decisions based on whether or not it will cause her unhappiness right now, you'll never make long-term decisions. You'll be too busy focusing on how to fix whatever's wrong now to realize that short-term gratification may not be in her best interest. You have a lack of emotional boundaries with each other. You back down whenever you feel she's in distress. Which is good to a degree. She needs a lot of space. But sometimes she needs to have parents who will look out for her needs without prioritizing her wants. She's very opinionated so she'll likely fight you on it. But it's what she needs."

"She needs to respect us," Crowley said. "Is that what you're saying?"

Maggie laughed as if he'd just said the most ridiculous thing out of nowhere. "No, that's not at all what I'm saying. She already _respects_ you, which is more than I can say about nearly anyone else. Don't make the mistake of conflating respect with subservience. It's good for her to push back and assert herself. That's part of growing up. Even if you could make her bend to your will, that would just teach her to let any supposed authority figure take advantage of her."

"Which is the opposite of what we want," said Aziraphale.

"Exactly," Maggie smiled. "But we don't have to worry about that. She doesn't bend to pressure. She snaps back. I still don't know a lot about what she went through because she doesn't like to get into it, but I get the sense that she was never good at letting people order her around. She won't respond to being shut down. She needs reasons. She needs _discussion._ Teenage rebellion is normally, at its core, a search for answers in a world that denies them the right to ask questions."

"I can relate," said Crowley dryly.

"You need emotional boundaries," Maggie said. "But you need to assert them properly. I may not agree with how you went about placing them tonight, but I'm proud of you for trying. You need to be willing to say no when something she wants could actually harm her. She's smart, so hopefully it won't come up much, but you need to keep that option open."

"I'm just afraid," Aziraphale admitted. "I don't want to remind her of the people who raised her."

"Did she say you did?"

"She started to indicate as much."

"It's natural that she would respond that way," Maggie said gently. "Don't be too hard on yourself about it. This is perfectly natural with adopted children who grew up in abusive homes."

"It is?"

She nodded. "Just don't let her get into the habit. She told me before about some incident in the greenhouse. Something about shouting at plants?"

Crowley raised a reluctant hand. "That was me. Not my finest moment."

"But how you responded to it may have been," she acknowledged. "Ruby was legitimately properly triggered and reminded of her upbringing. You helped calm her down then worked to create a home where she felt safe."

"And that's bad? Somehow?" Crowley pressed.

"No," she shook her head. "That's the proper way to do it. But from what I gather, you back down every time she even brings up the trauma. You shouldn't. You should listen to her and change your behavior if need be. And of course make sure to apologize if you're wrong and let her know she's in the right if she is. But nothing could be worse for her than backing down completely the second she brings it up. She'll internalize that. There are certain personality disorders that she's at a higher risk of developing in adulthood if we don't provide her with more structure now."

"Personality disorders?" Aziraphale repeated. "You never said-"

"Because she's still young," Maggie assured him. "She's been traumatized and she's picked up some bad habits and poor coping skills. Right now, her mind is still moldable. We can keep those behaviors from becoming patterns. But it's important to be empathetic about it and remember where those behaviors come from. A poor coping skill is just something that was used to survive a bad situation that is maladaptive once you're out of that situation. Right now we're trying to keep her from developing a dependence on manipulation. She worries about that, you know. She worries that anything she does is proof that Gabriel was right and she's just a manipulative person. But she isn't. She learned where she came from that the only way to survive is to learn everyone else's patterns then adjust to get the outcome she wanted. She knows she doesn't have to do that with you, but it can be hard when faced with adversity not to fall back on that instinct unconsciously. That's why it's important when she brings up the trauma that you validate her feelings and take them into consideration, but don't change your position unless it benefits her. Crowley deciding to not shout at his plants anymore benefitted her. But if something puts her in danger, you shouldn't back down. Be kind about it and have a gentle conversation. She won't respond to authority, she rightfully will insist on being spoken to as an equal. But remember that if you back down each time she brings up the trauma, you might get her to unconsciously associate bringing it up with winning the argument. And we can't afford that."

"I understand," Aziraphale said. "But how will I-"

"Know when you should back down?" Maggie finished. "That's the tricky part. You'll have to take it on case by case basic. It's a tightrope walk. A precarious balancing act. But that's what you signed up for when you adopted a traumatized child. But there's one thing that's very important, so I need you to hear it now."

"What's that?"

"I never want to hear that the words 'playing the trauma card' came out of your mouths," Maggie said. "Either of you. This is very important. Never invalidate her pain. Our minds make associations between things we experienced before and things we experience now. It's how we learn. She's learned that if anyone expresses unhappiness anywhere near her, it means they're unhappy with her. And if they're unhappy with her, that means she's going to be punished. That doesn't stop just because you love her and wouldn't hurt her. If she brings it up and you dismiss it out of hand, it's going to make her feel worse. Because this isn't a game to her. The three of us are working on retraining her brain so that she can cope with adversity without thinking it's going to kill her. Dismissing her pain the way other people have always done won't help her learn that her pain is important. Understand?"

"I...think so?" Aziraphale said. "So essentially what you're saying is that we shouldn't back down every time she feels bad, but we shouldn't act like authority figures? We should act like her friends, but also be her parents? We have to validate her feelings, but we can't always try to fix them?"

"Exactly," Maggie said.

"Right," he replied. "Simple. Not complicated or confusing at all."

She smiled. "Welcome to the tightrope. You're doing just fine."

"As long as I don't look down," he said dryly.

...

Ruby had retreated upstairs to wash the paint off her face. She felt the slightest guilt at taking the snake off, because it kept trying to slither away. But she knew it was time to look and act serious. If she had childish face paint on, she'd be viewed as too childish to be taken seriously.

She returned to the seating area just beside the banister just in time for Maggie and Freya to arrive. When Freya finally began to mount the staircase to sit with her, Ruby determined to ignore her. She pretended to read a book and kept her big blue headphones pulled over her ears to indicate that she wasn't interested in talking. Freya knew this tactic and her first instinct was to respect it, but Maggie had asked her to sit with her. She couldn't help but be annoyed at this vague instruction. She should've asked for a script. She didn't even know if it was time for a monologue or if she really was supposed to just sit quietly.

"What are you reading?" she asked lamely.

Ruby ignored her.

Freya anxiously ran her fingers through her auburn wig as she peered at the old leather bound book. " _The Pilgrim's Progress,"_ she read. "Any good?"

Ruby hadn't read even a word of it. She'd picked the book at random. Freya knew this was probably the case, but had tried the conversation starter anyway. Ruby shrugged instead of answering. They sat in silence. Then it occurred to Freya that there might be a better way to get her to talk.

"What are you listening to?"

Ruby hated the fact that she instantly felt compelled to answer, but she couldn't help it. "You probably wouldn't know it."

"Try me."

"Paramore."

Freya laughed in disbelief. "Are you serious? _Paramore?_ Not even giving me something underground here, just _Paramore?_ Not Devil Doll or Rasputina or The Creepshow or anything not playable by radio, but _Paramore_? I was a fan of Paramore since their first album came out when I was younger than you are now. But yeah, I probably wouldn't know them. So what's your era right now? _After Laughter_? What are you? Fake Happy?"

"No," she said. "I mean, usually, but not now. That's Crowley's favorite era."

She laughed again. "What? Crowley? Really?"

She nodded. "He pretends like he's too cool for it, but I've got him into it. I don't know what right he has acting like he's too cool for anything when he unironically likes disco."

"So what's your era now if not _After Laughter_?"

" _Brand New Eyes_."

She smiled. "Now you're speaking my language. That came out when I was about your age. So hit me with it. What are you listening to?"

"Playing God."

Freya nodded. This tracked. "You're really that mad at Aziraphale?"

She looked away sullenly. "Who said anything about Aziraphale?"

"Nobody _said_ anything, but a good director will tell you that it's not always what the characters say. You know that."

"Oh so this is more of your body language thing," she said disinterestedly. 

"Actions and reactions," she said. "You had a row with Aziraphale and now you're listening to 'Playing God'. That was my go-to when I used to fight with my parents. _Can't make my own decisions or make any with precision. Well maybe you should tie me up so I don't go where you don't want me._ That's teen angst right there."

Ruby's eyes snapped back to her. "It's not just angst," she protested. 

Freya held up her hands in a peaceable gesture. "Didn't mean to imply that angst isn't a valid emotion. It comes from somewhere. Usually a miscommunication of some sort. Parents and kids refusing to speak each other's language."

"I just mean that 'Playing God' means a lot more to me than just that one thing," she said. "This thing right now is just one more layer to add to it."

"What did Aziraphale do anyway?"

"He's saying I can't do something I want to do just because he said so. Not even willing to talk it out and hear my side of things, he just wants to have his word be law. I'm so sick of grownups doing that to me. Like I'm not capable of thinking for myself? It's not like I have to ask him anyway. I can do what I want. He can't stop me."

"That's right, he can't."

Ruby hadn't expected this answer. "What?"

"He can't stop you. Anyone can do anything they want to do. That's what free will is. But free will also means we have to accept the consequences if we do."

"And what would those consequences be?"

"Getting yourself into something you're not ready to handle and breaking Aziraphale's trust."

Ruby had to begrudgingly admit that this was a pretty compelling argument. "I just want to be treated like I'm not some fragile kid."

"I don't think Aziraphale thinks you're fragile. He's not trying to protect you because he thinks you can't do it, he's trying to protect you because he thinks you shouldn't have to. And he's probably right. He was when it came to me."

"You?" Ruby asked. "What about you?"

"It's a long story," Freya said. "But Aziraphale saved my life and put me on the right path. Can I tell you something?"

This answer made her terribly curious. "Go for it."

"I was actually very jealous of you the first night we met. Still am a little, if truth be told."

This was the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard. "You? Jealous of me? Why?"

"Because you're Ruby Fell."

"Yeah? So?"

"Ruby _Fell._ He gave you his name. He let you live in his house. He called you his daughter. He's never done that for anyone before. I know I'm not the only person he's helped who spent years trying to repay him to get even half of that love and consideration. We're a sorry bunch. A bunch of misfit rejects from everywhere who try to replace distant parents with a distant Aziraphale. We all have to remind ourselves that Aziraphale doesn't regard anyone that way. But then you came out of nowhere. And he gave you his name. That's a blow. You, Ruby Fell, were the one who was good enough. Which is a ridiculous, childish reaction to have, but I know I'm not the only one who will have it."

Ruby had never considered this side of things before. "So there've been others. Lots of others. I guess that makes sense. He was an angel. I guess that was his job."

Freya smiled. "That's exactly the way I reacted when I found out."

"I sort of liked it better when I thought I was special," she said.

"Which is exactly what I'm trying to tell you," Freya said. "You _are_ special. He went far out of his way for you. You're not a job to him. You're family."

"I was jealous of you too," Ruby admitted. "He gushed over you. I wasn't used to-"

"-not being the center of his attention?" Freya finished. "Yeah, I get that too. I was that way the first time he took me to a dinner party at Patrick Stewart's house. But even then, he never doted on me or anyone else the way he does on you. You can tell there's a difference. He cares about us all from a distance, but he doesn't let himself get this close. I bet it would just destroy him if anything happened to you."

Ruby felt bad now for losing her temper. "But I still think I didn't do anything wrong. I shouldn't have to apologize when he was the one who started treating me like a stupid kid. As if I haven't had crazier ideas that all worked out in the end."

Freya opened her mouth to speak, but didn't have a chance.

"Did you ever consider that maybe I worry sometimes that our luck may run out?"

Ruby looked up and had to stop herself from rising to her feet automatically. "Aziraphale," she said as she took of her headphones. She wanted to apologize, but wouldn't let herself.

Aziraphale had ascended the stairs with Crowley and Maggie right behind him.

His eyes were filled with deep regret as he answered. "You're right," he said. "We have done madder things than this. But we were pushing boundaries. I worry that if we keep pushing them, eventually we're going to run out of luck. Then what will we do? You're asking me to be comfortable with putting you in danger. I'm not. You may be indestructible now, but I still can't help but see you as the fragile girl we first met. It's not a physical thing, I don't conjure up an image of your old form, it's just a sense. Because I can't possibly imagine what it felt like for you to go through that, but I don't think you know how horrible it was to have to stand there and watch you die without being able to do anything to help you..."

Ruby realized that he was only narrowly holding back tears. She finally rose to her feet. "You did do something. You made me as comfortable as you could. You took away the pain. Having you there meant the world to me because I wasn't alone anymore. But you don't have to take care of me anymore."

"But I want to," he said, blinking rapidly. "All I want is for you to have a shot at life. You're too young to be steeped in so much death. If you really want to find Lethe, I'm sure Crowley and I can track her down. We can call in some favors."

She shook her head. "That would take too long, and I don't want anyone involved. I like people not knowing what I'm up to."

"This is really important to you?" 

She nodded. "I really hurt her feelings. I'm not so good at talking to people. I don't always understand what they want. I assume the worst in people and it just makes me come off all wrong. That's why I want to talk to her now. She doesn't have anyone and the longer she's out there thinking that I meant what I said..."

"I understand," he said. "I want to help you any way I can. I just don't know about this. But I'm sorry that I didn't listen to you before. I shouldn't have brushed you off like that. I understand now why you reacted the way you did. You're a smart, capable young woman and I'm very sorry that I treated you like you weren't."

She worked hard to blink back tears of her own. "And I'm sorry too," she said, her voice breaking on the last word. "I was being very mean. I have a problem with lashing out when I feel like I'm not being listened to. I'm working on it."

"But you didn't lose your temper," he pointed out. "I didn't even feel a tremor this time. I'm very proud of you for that."

She rushed at him and his first instinct was to stumble backwards out of shock. She wrapped her arms around his middle and squeezed him tight, and he slowly accepted the embrace and held her to him.

"I'd never hurt you," she said. "And I know you won't hurt me. Maggie says I lose control when something activates my fight or flight. You've never done that. Well, maybe my fight this one time. But that's only because I am how I am."

"I'm glad," he said. "Glad that you feel safe and glad that you are how you are." He slowly pulled her away from him. "Let's sit down in the apartment and talk this through like we should've done in the first place, shall we?"

She smiled. "I'd like that."

...

Before Aziraphale and Crowley had married, Aziraphale had lived at the bookshop. The shop was comprised of two levels full of books, a small back room on the main floor, and a small apartment on the second floor that was blocked off from the rest of the shop. The apartment itself was a small bedroom (mostly filled with books and manuscripts), a bathroom (never used), a sitting room (mostly filled with books and treasures), and a kitchen (the only room that had ever been used for its intended purpose). Aziraphale had once promised it to Ruby, and she could still have it one day if she wanted it. But for now, it lay empty.

Aziraphale had summoned Anathema and Wicca into the apartment to be part of the discussion that he suddenly found himself open to. Maggie and Freya were allowed to stay, but they were at a disadvantage because they couldn't see the ghost in the room.

"I don't feel good about doing a séance, Ruby," he said.

"Is _that_ what we're talking about?" Maggie asked. "Yeah, I have to admit that I'm with Aziraphale on this one. It's high level magic."

"But maybe we should hear what Ruby has to say?" Freya said. "I assume she has a plan?"

Ruby felt a little put on the spot. "Uh I dunno."

"I'm sorry I didn't let you explain yourself earlier, Ruby," Aziraphale said. "If you want to pitch to me, now is your chance."

"Er, alright," she said. "I was just gonna say that Wicca offered to be my spirit guide. Whatever that means?"

"A spirit guide is a reliable tether between this world and the spiritual plane," Crowley explained. 

"You're willing to do this?" Aziraphale asked.

Wicca nodded. "I am. Anything to help. Better to use me than to just summon some stranger and hope you get a good one. I've been around for thousands of years. I know where to look."

"That's a good point," Crowley said. "Most of the danger comes from duplicitous spirit guides."

"But you're still using inexperienced witches," Aziraphale fretted. "Which poses it's own risks."

"I was going to ask you to sit in," Ruby said softly. "You and Crowley and Anathema. I wanted you to help however you could. Because I'm not comfortable with being this close to death again any more than you are. I don't want to do something like this without you. The thing that would get me through it would be knowing you're with me and I'm not alone."

Crowley took Aziraphale's hand as Aziraphale fought once again to hold back tears. "Of course," he said gently. "That sounds perfectly reasonable and well-thought out. I'd be more comfortable as part of the process. I'll help however I can."

She hardly dared to believe it. "So I can do it? I can have a séance?"

"I'm not wild about it," he admitted. "But yes."

She got up to hug him again. "I love you, Dad."

"I love you, kitten. I only wish you would stop insisting on doing such reckless things."

She smiled. "Don't count on it."


	32. Witch Hunt

"Amira wants to know if she can bring her familiar."

"Oh?" Anathema said. "She's very young to have a familiar, that's actually kind of impressive. What kind is it?"

"A fox."

Anathema nodded. "The more the merrier."

"I want a familiar though," Ruby said. "I should've looked for one at WitchCon today, but I didn't even think about it!"

"You wouldn't find a familiar for sale."

"I wouldn't?"

"A familiar isn't a pet, it's an animal that is bonded to your soul. It's an extension of your self. You don't buy a familiar, it comes to you. A familiar must be raised from infancy and choose to bond with its witch. It finds you when you both need each other. It's generally considered rude to bring your familiar to events like WitchCon in case someone is allergic."

Ruby and Anathema finished setting the candles around Anathema's sitting room floor. They'd moved all the furniture to the sides of the room.

"We'd like to help," said Maggie. "If that's alright with everyone."

"I'd love it if you would," said Aziraphale. "We need more people with power on our side."

A knock sounded at the door.

"That'll be them," Ruby said.

"I'll get the door," said Newt.

Crowley stood in front of Ruby and rubbed her arms in what he hoped was a comforting and supportive manner. "I know you're nervous," he said. "There's still time to back out."

"Not much," said Aziraphale, in that prissy tone he always used when he was particularly anxious about something. "Once we get started, we can't stop."

"Comforting, Dad," she said. "Thanks." She smiled at Crowley. "I'm alright. Really."

"Don't let doubt into your mind," he said. "Once we start, it's important that you not allow doubt in under any circumstances. Do you understand me?"

She nodded. "I do."

"Sweet pad," said Elodie.

"Very witchy," agreed Amira.

"That's what I said," replied Ruby. "Is that your familiar?"

Amira had a red fox cub coiled around her shoulders. It was flicking its tail lazily.

"Her name is Daphne," Amira explained as she scratched behind the fox's ears.

"She's well trained, I hope," said Anathema. "She can't be inside the circle."

"She'll be fine," said Amira, gesturing to let the fox hop down to the floor. "Stay."

The fox took the command and sat patiently just outside the doorway to the sitting room.

"Where do we set up?" asked Sanna, eagerly. "I've never done a séance before, I'm just itching to try it out."

"Did you take your meds, Sanna?" Amira asked. "We need you focused."

"I took them, I took them," Sanna said. "They were wearing off, but I took another one."

"She's got ADHD," said Elodie.

"But I'm super focused!" said Sanna. "I can do it as long as I take my meds! Mum said!" 

"Alright, where do we start?" said Amira. "I've brought some salts and crystals just in case."

"You could always use more of those," Anathema said. "But where were they sourced?"

"My grandparents built their land over a magic quarry," she replied. "I'd never buy unsourced generic crystals. You don't know if you're getting your money's worth."

"Okay," Anathema said. "If everyone wants to gather round. I'm going to stay here in this corner. I need Crowley, Maggie, and Freya to pick positions in the other corners. We're representing the four corners of the Earth, which is the most powerful representational magic. It's why most covens are four members. We're here to keep you grounded and bound to the Earth. Girls, if you could sit in a circle within the candle ring but outside of the salt ring. It's very important that you not cross the salt ring for any reason or break your circle until this is done. Do you understand?"

The girls nodded.

"What do I do?" Aziraphale asked.

"I need you to use whatever residual angelic magic you have to keep an eye on things," she said. "We're all in the middle of it, but we need your Miracles at the ready. You need to be on high alert, you understand?"

"I do," he said gravely.

"And Newt?"

"Yeah?" said Newt. 

"Get away from this," she said. "You're too anxious and too likely to let doubt in. Take the car and go for a drive. Don't come back until I call you."

"I don't want to leave you-"

"Trust me, I'm much safer without non-magical people present." But she softened when she saw his face and crossed the room to kiss him. "I'll be fine. Take the car."

"I love you," he said.

"I love you," she assured him. "Now go."

He left and she returned to her place. "Alright. Everyone ready?"

Ruby took a breath and grabbed the hands of Amira and Sanna. "Ready."

"You're lucky that you already have a spirit guide," said Wicca. "Otherwise this would take ages with opening prayers and other wishy-washy nonsense." She took a breath for dramatic effect even though she didn't need to breath. "It really would take less time if you had some personal item I could use as bait, but fine. I'll let you channel me. Not like that's super personal or anything."

"Let's start out with deep breathing," Anathema said in a low voice. "Close your eyes...Ground yourself in your physical body...Picture roots spreading from the tips of your toes, deep into the Earth...Now reach out to each other...Feel your connection to each other...Feel your power become one and flow between you and down into your roots into the earth...give it back to the earth and take its power into you..."

Amira gasped as she felt the connection happen, and Ruby tightened her grip on the young witch to keep her from letting go and breaking the circle. But she needn't have worried. Amira was holding on just as tightly. Ruby could feel it too. It was a deep well of power spreading from within the girls and settling within her. She could feel it ebb and flow out from her roots in the earth then back into her before being pushed back between them. She didn't open her eyes, but she somehow knew that a powerful circle was building between them.

"Keep yourselves grounded," Anathema said. "You are tethered to the earth by your roots. But let your minds free. Let them float beyond the veil that separates this world from the spirit world. Free your minds, but keep them tethered to this earth."

"Open your mind, Ruby," said Wicca. "Open your heart, but only to me. Give me the key. Trust me."

Ruby had to remind herself not to let doubt in. She remembered Crowley's warning. She took a breath and let her mind free. At that moment, Wicca reached through Ruby and fused with her.

"It's been so long since I've been flesh," Wicca said with Ruby's lips.

"Did you find anything?" Aziraphale asked.

"Be patient," Wicca said. "You didn't give me much to go on."

Wicca reached out through the spirit plane, using the combined power of the witches to focus her.

"Lethe," Wicca said. "I'm looking for the one called Lethe. Not not _you_ , screw off-"

"Is something trying to get in?" asked Aziraphale.

"Something's always trying to get in," Wicca said. "Stay focused. Lethe. I know that's not your name, but it's the one we have. Your halfling is looking for you. Please send us a sign. Anything. Any sign."

Then another voice spoke through Ruby. "Who knows that name?"

Wicca took back control. "Is your Lethe an auburn haired southern belle?"

"No," said Aziraphale.

"Alright, then _screw off,_ " Wicca said irritably. "I'm so tired of minor spirits and malevolent has-beens trying to take over any séance. This isn't for you."

"Amateurs," Crowley muttered under his breath.

"There's a spirit here," Wicca said. "She's shy. She's sort of 1920s. Dark hair. Very young. She won't speak to me."

Ruby took back control. "Lethe? Are you there?"

"She didn't say anything," said Wicca. "But her eyes did. She recognized that name."

"Lethe," Ruby said. "I just want to talk to you. In private, if you don't mind."

"She says she'll speak to you," said Wicca. "She'll allow herself to be channeled into the circle."

A great wind whipped within the circle and made the candles flicker but not go out. Ruby opened her eyes.

"Lethe," she said.

Wicca left Ruby's body and hovered outside of the circle. "Don't break the circle," she warned. 

"Right, yeah," Ruby said. "Lethe, I'm so glad we found you."

"What's the big idea?" she said. "I'm minding my own business and I get summoned."

"I just want to talk," Ruby said. 

"Who are all these people?"

"They helped me find you," she explained. "Can you please come to my place later so we can talk? I really don't want to do this now."

Lethe was obviously annoyed. "Yeah fine. Whatever. I'll think about it."

"We'll have to banish her from the circle first," Wicca said. "Breathe. Let her go."

Ruby closed her eyes and breathed again. When she opened them, Lethe was gone.

"Wow," Sanna said. "I really expected more from that."

Anathema could see Sanna's hand was slipping.

"Don't break the circle!" Anathema cautioned.

Sanna quickly squeezed Ruby's hand again, but it was too late. The energy within the circle turned a deep red and something began coming through. Daphne flattened her ears and hissed, but didn't actually strike.

"Anathema, close the circle," Crowley said. "Close it now!"

"Close your eyes," Anathema said. "Don't look at it. Picture your roots. Draw them up into yourselves. Picture yourselves separating again. Ruby, for God's sake, _close your eyes."_

"Sorry," she said. She tried her best to picture her roots leaving the earth, but she was too far stuck. This panicked her a little. 

The girls all gasped in unison as they could feel a presence trying to push its way into the circle. A powerful presence. 

"Your roots, girls, your roots," Anathema said.

"Listen to Anathema," said Crowley. "Focus on your roots. No doubt, no fear."

Ruby focused on her roots and finally felt them come free. Her power drew back into herself and she started to feel herself withdraw from the circle. Within moments, the circle had powered down and the presence in the circle was banished. The candles blew out.

"It's gone," Anathema said. "Everyone should be alright now. It's safe to break the circle."

"Ruby?" said Aziraphale as he and Crowley rushed to her.

"I felt it," she said. "Whatever it was. It was powerful."

"I couldn't see it," Crowley said. "Not properly. So I can't identify what it was."

"Everyone alright?" she asked. 

"Yeah," Elodie said. "That was intense."

"That was _wicked_ ," said Amira. "Consider yourself in the coven, Ruby! I've never felt _anything_ like that!" She gestured and Daphne eagerly bounded to her and took up her rightful place on Amira's shoulders. The fox instantly began nuzzling and licking her face, indicating that she had, in fact, been anxious for her safety.

"That's a very well-trained familiar," Anathema remarked.

"She's always on stand-by," Amira said. "She won't strike unless I give the signal."

But Sanna still hadn't spoken. 

"Sanna?" Ruby asked, noticing how she shivered. "You alright?"

She snapped out of it instantly. "Fine. I'm good. That was just...wow."

...

"That went suspiciously well," said Aziraphale.

"Yeah," said Crowley. "It almost went very wrong. I'm trying to convince myself that the bad feeling I'm having is just nerves."

"I'm gonna take Sanna and Elodie home," said Amira. "Cool séance."

"Really fun," said Elodie.

"Thanks for having us," said Sanna.

"Good luck with your girlfriend," said Amira.

"My what?" asked Ruby.

"You know," Amira smirked. "This girl you went to all this trouble just to see again."

Ruby's face went red. "Oh Lethe? She's not my girlfriend. No no no. It's not like that."

"Whatever," said Amira. 

"I think it's sweet," said Sanna.

"Good luck all the same," said Amira.


	33. Forgive Me

Aziraphale and Crowley could feel her anxiety wafting to them from the backseat.

"There's no need to be nervous, Ruby," Aziraphale said. "You're a good person. Whatever you did, I'm certain she'll forgive you."

"It's not so much that I'm worried about forgiveness," she admitted.

"But you want it," Crowley said.

"I do," she admitted. "That's very unusual for me. I don't usually care. It doesn't usually matter. But it's alright if she doesn't forgive me. I can't force her to. I need her to know I'm sorry, that's all."

"It helps that she's dead," Crowley said.

"Why's that?" Ruby asked.

"Because she has no incentive to lie about what she feels," he explained. "A living person who knew your secret might be intimidated into saying what you want to hear. But she has nothing to lose."

She mulled this over. "I guess that's true."

...

Lethe was waiting in her usual chair when they got home.

"Lethe," said Aziraphale. "How wonderful to see you. Shall I put some tea on?"

"If you like," the ghost said. "It makes no difference to me."

"She can't drink it, Aziraphale," Crowley muttered.

"I know, but it's polite to offer," the former angel replied.

"Can you two give us a minute?" Ruby asked.

"Of course," Crowley said, taking Aziraphale by the arm. "Let's go make that tea."

Ruby and Lethe just looked at each other for a moment.

"So," Lethe said. "What is it that you want to talk to me about? Do you have any news?"

"No," Ruby replied. "I'm sorry."

Lethe crossed her arms. "Then why was I summoned here?"

"Because I wanted to talk."

"About?"

"I just..." She wasn't used to this apologizing thing. It didn't come naturally at all. "I didn't like how we left things."

"Is that so?"

She could see Lethe was still upset and she couldn't blame her. "How I left things, I mean."

"If you could get to the point, that would be nice. I know that we have an eternity and all, but I know you have a _life_..."

"I'm sorry I said that," Ruby said. "I didn't mean it. I was trying hard to fit in and be someone I'm not. I just wanted you to know I'm sorry. You don't have to forgive me, but I'm really sorry. I never should've spoken to you like that. I don't know why I did. If you want to know the truth, I'm still confused about a lot of what happened there. You got very hurt very quickly. I know I made a promise to help you and then broke it, but-"

"You think this is about the promise?" Lethe asked.

"What else could it be about?"

"Oh I don't know," she said. "Maybe it's because I was stupid enough to think that maybe we were starting to be friends? But no, I'm such a burden on you."

Ruby suddenly understood. "You thought we were friends?"

"No, I just let you get away with barely doing any research because I felt like it," Lethe said bitterly. "You didn't notice at all how we were spending more time watching moving pictures than trying to find out who I am? I was having fun! This is the first time I've felt real since I died! I've been so alone! I've had no one to talk to! But you're nice to me! You spend time with me! But I'm sorry I was foolish enough to think we were friends."

Ruby could see tears sparkling in Lethe's eyes and felt them in her own. "I had no idea."

"I'm sorry for misinterpreting the situation," Lethe said.

"No I'm sorry," Ruby said. "I didn't realize...I'm not..." Tears began flowing down her cheeks. "I'm not used to people wanting to be my friend. It doesn't happen to me. So I never even _considered..._ I thought you only spent time with me because you wanted something. That's all anyone's ever done. I didn't realize...I'm so sorry. Of course you were my friend, but I ruined it before I even knew it. I'm so sorry."

Lethe's bitterness fell away with this confession as tears fell down her own ghostly cheeks. "You didn't ruin it."

"I didn't?" Ruby sniffled.

Lethe shook her head. "No. I still want to be your friend. But only if you want to be mine."

Ruby nodded. "I do. Lethe, I missed you so much. And I was a bad friend to treat you like you were less important than anything else going on. Will you be my friend?"

Lethe nodded. "I will."

"I'll do better this time, I promise," she said. "I'll include you more."

"I know you don't have a lot of time," Lethe said. "I understand."

"That doesn't mean I can't include you," she said. "You're invisible, there's no reason you can't come to school with me. You want to dance, right? You can maybe go to some dance classes."

"I'd like that," Lethe smiled.

...

Ruby gratefully accepted the mug of tea that Aziraphale handed her after Lethe left. 

"Feeling better?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yeah. Still shaky, but I've got friends now. I'm sort of stupid when it comes to understanding what's going on with other people."

He patted her on the head affectionately. "I'm the same way. That's why I like books. Ink makes simple what conversation makes complicated."

"The important thing is that you apologized," Crowley said. 

"And now I have a friend," Ruby said. "A ghost friend. How metal is that?"

Her parents both laughed fondly.

...

Ruby turned in for the night and was shocked to find Wicca waiting for her.

"What are you doing here?" Ruby asked.

"I debated about whether I should tell you this," Wicca said. "But it might be important."

Ruby could see that something was troubling her. "What is it?"

"I know who she is," the ghost replied. "The ghost you call Lethe."

"You do?" Ruby asked. "Who is she? She was just here, I can call her back-"

"That's why I waited," Wicca said. "That may not be best."

"What do you mean?" she asked slowly.

"Usually when a ghost can't remember their life, there's a reason. That tends to involve some kind of trauma. If you find the truth and give it to her before she's ready to accept it, then it could be traumatic."

"More traumatic than being dead in the first place?"

"I've seen it before. Someone well-meaning brings the memories all back at once, then they crack up. It's catastrophic. No, it's quite sad, really. I don't want to see that happen to your friend."

"Can you at least tell me? Then I can make a decision."

Wicca shook her head. "That wouldn't be fair to her."

"So what do I do then? How do I help?"

"Her life was sad, so help her be happy. Perhaps if she can find peace, she can finally be ready to hear the truth without being broken by it."

"I can try," Ruby said.

"You're a good person, halfling," Wicca said. "I'm sure you'll do the right thing for your friend."

Wicca disappeared, leaving Ruby alone with her thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My girlfriend and I were best friends online for the better part of a decade before we started dating and I've had mostly online friends for years now, so I've made Lethe a metaphor for online friendships. We tend to take those for granted or not think of them as 'real' friendships so we can neglect them or push them aside when we get busy. So that's where this whole plotline got its inspiration.
> 
> Anyway, gotta leave you here for now! I'll be back in two weeks with 3 new chapters!


	34. Human Fly

Ruby was studying her script on Sunday afternoon when she was approached by Crowley.

"I know you're busy," he said. "Got a lot of work on. But I was wondering if you had a little time?"

His tone intrigued her, so she put down the script. "What did you have in mind?"

"A little lesson of sorts," he said. "Don't worry, nothing complicated. You're really getting a lot better - especially with how well you handled that very advanced magic last night - but I know you could probably use a rest."

She could see worry on his face. "What's this about?"

"I think you should know about Hell," he said. "About the hierarchy. The inner workings, as it were."

"Ah," she said. "Because you're worried about that thing that almost came through last night?"

He nodded. "It wasn't clear enough for me to identify it properly, but I think you really need to know what you might be facing in case I'm ever not there to help you."

Ruby lit up as she realized the implication. "Is this gonna be Demonology? Because that's goth as _hell!_ "

He chuckled at the unintended joke. "I knew you'd be interested," he said. "But please take this seriously. Your life could depend on it one day."

She nodded. "Right, yeah. So let's talk."

He conjured a piece of paper and a pen. "You grew up in the church, so I take it you know who's in charge?"

"The devil," she said. "Easy one."

"Right." He drew a red circle with horns.

"Is that supposed to be Satan?" she teased.

"Oi," he protested. "No need for the tone, missy! This is purely for educational purposes!"

"Uh-huh," she grinned.

"So do you know who's under him?"

"Under who?"

"Lucifer."

"I mean, judging by what little I understand about that TV show, most of Los Angeles." 

"Don't be crude," he said. "You know what I mean. Second in command."

"Ehhh..." She had to think about this one. "Wait, I think you told me this one. It's Beelzebub, right?"

"Right," he agreed. "Good job." It didn't occur to Crowley that most pens were one color - pens just seemed to always have the exact color he wanted. His ink turned black as he drew a blob with other smaller blobs coming off it.

She laughed. "What's that supposed to be?"

"What do you mean?" he asked. "It's a fly!"

"That's not a fly."

"Is so!"

"And why is it a fly? You've not said. Is it a human fly? Does it go buzzz buzzz buzzz..."

He was proud that he'd taught her that reference, but knew she wasn't taking this seriously. "Ruby, I'm trying here."

"I know," she said. "But I don't know how this is gonna help me. Sorry. Like I'm not gonna see these drawings in person, right? If these don't look exactly like what the drawings say, then I'm not gonna recognize them."

"You have a point," he acknowledged. "Alright. I have another idea."

"Which is?"

....

He returned some time later with a stack of photographs.

"Where'd you get these?" she asked.

"I had to call in some favors," he said.

She understood instantly. "You asked God? Just now?"

He nodded. "Well, I had Aziraphale do it for me. Trust me, I didn't like the idea of going to her either."

"Then why did you?"

"This is too important. If you could be in danger, you need to know what these demons look like. So I've brought back old surveillance photos."

She was touched once again by his care for her. "Alright," she said. "I promise I'll take it seriously now."

"Good," he said. "I need you to be prepared. That's my whole job right now, making sure you're prepared for the world."

"Thank you," she said, leaning against his arm. 

"For what?" he asked.

"For believing that I can be prepared for the world. People were always trying to 'prepare me' before. But they meant, like, preparing me for marriage. Preparing me for the world was mostly training me to not swear and to not talk so much. I was always told the world out there is too scary for someone like me and that I should be grateful that I wasn't going to have to face it. But you show it to me. Not just the good, but the bad. It's because of you and Aziraphale that I can do any of this."

"That's not true," he said. He put his arm around her and rubbed her arm comfortingly. "You're strong and capable. You survived that whole life before entirely on your own."

"Did I?" she asked bitterly. "Did I do that on my own? Because I always thought I did. I was strong, right? I did that without anyone's help? But it was all God's plan. I was predestined. So me surviving that long wasn't about me, was it? I just wasn't _allowed_ to die yet."

"Just because God had a plan for you doesn't mean you weren't strong-"

"You saved my life," she said. "You both helped me through everything. I literally couldn't have done it without you. I'm a mess when it comes down to it, an absolute mess. People confuse me because I've never interacted with any who weren't terrible. I'm always second-guessing everyone's motivations and it's _exhausting_! No matter what I do, I still believe deep down I'm not good enough! And I never know what's happening around me! I always feel much older than everyone at school. I feel like I grew up faster than them, so now I can't be a normal kid. I just skipped all that. But at the same time I also feel way younger than everyone. I don't have _any_ of the social skills or life milestones I'm supposed to have by now. So I just can't relate at all. I wasn't prepared to live outside of the hell I was living, so the normal world is totally confusing! You and Aziraphale saved my life and gave me opportunities I never would've had. I have all these things I said I wanted to do when I got a life, but now that I can do things I'm _terrified._ Doing things is _terrifying,_ Crowley! But you help me. You're so patient with me, even when I don't deserve it."

"There's a part of me that just wants to hide you away from the world," he admitted. "I'd like to protect you and shield you from everything."

"But you don't," she said. "You try so hard to prepare me to protect myself. That's far more useful to me than locking me away in a tower would ever be." Things were getting intolerably mushy, so she felt she had to change the subject. "So you were gonna show me these pictures?"

"Right," he said. He kept his right arm around her as he began showing her the photographs. "Very important that you be able to tell these on sight..."

"Ew," Ruby said. "Do they all look this gross?"

His lips twitched into a smile. "It does seem to be a pattern."

"But you're not gross."

"That's because I shower and refuse to let myself decompose."

"Is that one Beelzebub?"

"Well spotted."

"The fly thing gave it away. See, I never would've got that from just your drawing."

"I dunno, you did alright just then."

"I got lucky, your drawing was rubbish and you know it..."


	35. Love Gone Left

"How are you feeling?"

"About what?"

Maggie smiled. This was classic Ruby. She couldn't just admit to having feelings of any sort that were just intrinsic to her being, she had to ascribe them to a situation. 

"Well you had a big weekend," she said. "I'd like to hear your side of things, if you're comfortable with that."

This presented Ruby with a thought that she hadn't considered before. "Wait, does Aziraphale talk about me in his sessions?" She knew he had the slot directly before hers.

"Would that be a problem?"

"No. It's just weird."

"How so?"

"I'm not used to being someone that people think about much when I'm out of the room. At least not in any kind of good way."

"Of course I won't divulge what Aziraphale says in his sessions because that would break patient confidentiality. But since it's relevant to you, I'll tell you that he does worry about you. He told me you've had some recent doubts about yourself?"

"Recent...doubts?"

"That you've expressed aloud, I mean. He's concerned you're having trouble relating to other people."

That's when it clicked. "Crowley told him what I said the other day, didn't he?"

"He's concerned about you too. They both want to help you get the most out of life. How do you feel you fit in with other humans?"

"I don't," she said. "Not really. I meant what I said when I said that I feel too old and too young at the same time. Something about what normal kids are into just doesn't click with me. I don't understand it. I think it's easier being at a theatre school because at least we have those things in common, but the second the conversation goes to like relationship stuff I just don't get it."

"You know it's very common to feel out of place when you've suffered a trauma."

"It is?"

Maggie nodded. "Kids often report feeling like they grew up too fast, but they also have none of the social skills they're supposed to have. Do you feel you were 'robbed' of a normal childhood? It's perfectly normal if you do."

"I guess I do," she said. 

"Did you have that talk with you ghost friend after you left Sunday night?"

"Oh you mean with Lethe? Yeah, I did. Turns out we were friends. I didn't understand until we talked, but we're cool now."

"Aziraphale tells me she's been going to school with you now. How's that working out?"

"It has its moments."

...

**Monday Morning**

They pulled up to the school to see Lethe waiting outside.

"It's so unfair how I have to wear this stupid bloody uniform and she doesn't," Ruby grumbled.

"She's a ghost," Aziraphale reminded her. "She can't possibly change her clothes."

"I know, but I'm still jealous." Ruby stepped out of the car. "Alright?"

"Yeah?" Lethe said, still unfamiliar with the informal British greeting that Ruby had picked up. 

"So first day, yeah?" Ruby said. "You're gonna love it. Classes started last month though, so you might have to work harder to keep up."

"It's not like anyone will be able to tell," Lethe reminded her. "I'm actually real excited to start!"

Ruby noticed that there were other kids milling about, though none of them seemed to have noticed her. She fished her phone up to her pocket.

"What are you doing with your pocket telephone?" asked Lethe. 

"Showing you what the protocol is," Ruby said. "I've seen enough supernatural teen dramas to know that people look at you like you're insane if it looks like you're talking to thin air. So in between classes, if I need to talk to you, I'll pretend to talk into the phone. If you sit in on classes with me, I'll just write notes to you on pieces of paper. Got it?"

"Yeah, crystal clear," Lethe grinned. 

"You might not want to go with me to my first class though."

"Why?"

"I've got Cold Reading first. The teacher can be a little...dry."

...

Lethe only made it a few minutes into Ruby's cold reading class before she admitted defeat.

"Alright," she whispered, even though she knew nobody else could hear her. "I'm gonna go look around, yeah?"

Ruby looked up at her and nodded.

 _Don't get into trouble,_ she scrawled on a piece of paper.

"Me? Trouble?" Lethe asked. "What kind of trouble could I possibly get into?"

...

Lethe was having a blast. She'd wandered into a tap dancing class and was having the most fun she could ever remember having. Of course she would've liked it more if she'd been able to get any feedback, but no one could see her. She couldn't let herself think about that fact or she'd get sad.

The bell rang for lunch, but Lethe still wanted to dance. She sighed. She guessed she should go find Ruby.

...

"There's another ghost here."

Ruby covered quickly and pretended that the way she'd jumped in her seat had just been a way to adjust her posture. She hated when Lethe just appeared out of thin air with no warning. 

Ruby and company were discussing plans for Friday's big Haunted House. "We can close off most of the rooms to save time," Ruby said, while giving Lethe a questioning look. "Some can stay open for specific themed rooms, but I think we should do each floor like a separate theme."

"I'm serious," Lethe said. 

"We should do a mad science room," Max said.

Ruby tried to think of a way to respond to Lethe without attracting attention. "Where?"

"I was wandering past the main auditorium and he was just there," Lethe said.

"I dunno, maybe in one of the big classrooms?" Max said obliviously.

Ruby got to her feet. "Yeah sounds good," she said. "I'll meet up with you guys in rehearsal tonight, yeah?"

"Where are you going?" Selwyn asked. "Nick hasn't even got here yet. He said he had an idea."

"You guys can talk about it and bring it up at rehearsal," Ruby insisted. "I've got to run. Got some stuff I've got to do."

She ran off with Lethe.

"She's acting weird," Chell said. 

"More weird than usual?" Max responded.

"Good point," said Chell.

"Maybe I should go after her," Selwyn said. "See what's up."

...

"You said you saw it in here?" Ruby asked, peering into the dark auditorium.

"Clear as day," Lethe said. "The room was all cleared out, and there was a man in there."

"But not one of the teachers?"

"I may be new here, Ruby Fell, but I think I can tell the difference between a ghost and one of your teachers."

"Just checking," Ruby said. She peered around. "I don't see anything. What was he doing, this ghost?"

"He was just doing ghost stuff," Lethe shrugged. "You know, the standard. Moaning, wandering."

"We'll have to go get a closer look," Ruby said.

They slipped quietly between the empty seats in the vacant auditorium, taking care not to attract too much attention. Ruby kept her eyes peeled in case some movement was detected.

"What are you doing?"

Ruby and Lethe both cried out in alarm.

"Nothing!" Ruby said automatically. "We were just..." Then she realized who it was. "Oh _Selwyn_? What the hell are you doing, sneaking up on people like that?"

"You were acting funny at lunch," Selwyn said. "I wanted to make sure you're okay." Then she noticed the slip up. "Wait, _we_? Who's _we?_ "

"No one," Ruby said. "I'm not here with anyone, there's no one here..." That's when she remembered that she'd already told Selwyn most of the important stuff. "Oh wait I forgot who I'm talking to here. Lethe and I are looking for a ghost."

Selwyn glanced around. "Lethe?"

"Yeah." She gestured at the spirit. "My ghost friend."

That's when it clicked. "Oh she's here _now_? Sorry, luv, I can't see ya."

"She's real polite, ain't she?" asked Lethe. "Talks funny too, don't she?"

"You're one to talk," Ruby said. "And be nice, she's Welsh."

"What's she saying?" asked Selwyn.

"Right, this is gonna be difficult..." She tried to think of a solution. "Okay, hand me your phone."

"My phone?"

"Actually, no, call mine."

Selwyn made a face. "Alright, whatever you say."

While Selwyn was unlocking her phone, Ruby turned to Lethe. "I need you to hold my phone and talk into it. I'm hoping that we can magically create a way for you to communicate."

"I'm not very good at holding onto things," Lethe said nervously. 

"I believe in you," Ruby said. Her phone began to ring so she answered it. "Hold on, Selwyn, let me put her on." 

She handed the phone to Lethe, who hesitated nervously before reaching for it. Her hand passed right through it.

"Take your time," said Ruby encouragingly.

Lethe tried again, but still passed through it.

"Concentrate," Ruby said again. "You're doing fine."

"Ruby," Selwyn said. "What's this about?"

"Hold on, hold on," Ruby said. She kept her eyes on Lethe. "Come on, Lee. You got this."

"I got this," Lethe echoed nervously. "Right. Got it."

She took the phone.

Ruby nodded encouragingly.

"Hello?" Lethe said timidly.

"Woah what?" Selwyn said as the voice came through on her end of the phone.

"Is this working for you or not?" Lethe asked. "Because when Ruby told me that telephones don't need wires anymore, I thought she took me for some kinda dumb Dora."

"I can hear you," Selwyn said. "Where's that accent from? You sound sorta old-timey."

Ruby knew it was sort of a sore subject for Lethe since she didn't know where she was from. "There will be time for that later. Lethe, this is Selwyn. Selwyn, this is Lethe."

"Pleasure," Selwyn said.

"All mine, I'm sure," said Lethe.

"So Lethe swears she saw another ghost in here," Ruby said. "We're trying to find it, but I haven't seen anything."

"Two ghosts in one day?" Selwyn asked. "How often does that happen?"

"You'd be surprised," Ruby muttered.

They were interrupted by the warning bell.

"Aw nuts!" Lethe said. "You can just skip it, can't ya?" 

Ruby smiled fondly. "So you've figured out how the bells work, have you?"

"Ruby, you can't skip class," Selwyn said. "You could get in trouble"

"Fair point," Ruby replied. "Look, Lethe, I'm sorry, but there's just not time for this right now. You can come to class with us or take another dance class or you can stay here in case he comes back, but I have to go to class. We're rehearsing and working on haunted house prep after school today, though, so we should do more looking then."

"I'll hang around for a bit," Lethe said, though she did look a bit put out. 

"Alright," Ruby said. "Let me know if you find anything."

"I will," she said. "Nice meetin' ya, Selwyn."

"Likewise," said Selwyn.

Ruby took back her phone and headed with Selwyn to class.

"A ghost," Selwyn said. "A real live ghost."

"Well," Ruby said. "That's real unfortunate phrasing, if we're being honest. I wouldn't use it around a ghost. They tend to get offended real easy about the whole life thing."

"Right, right," Selwyn said. "Makes sense."

"And just in time too," Ruby said. "Did you do the reading for Zima tomorrow?"

"I'm so glad we're finally digging into Hamlet," Selwyn said. "It's one of my favorites."

"Mine too," Ruby said.

"We know," Selwyn teased. "Because you're emo."

She playfully shoved her. "If the shoe fits, I guess..."

...

"But did you find anything during rehearsal?" asked Aziraphale. 

"No," Ruby said. "We were really busy doing floor plans and running lines. Turns out putting together two plays and a haunted house is hard work on short notice. Lethe poked around a bit, but the ghost didn't come back."

"How fascinating," Aziraphale said.

"You think it was someone you knew?" Crowley asked. "You _did_ know an awful lot of people in the show circuit."

"Anything's possible," Aziraphale replied. "You know, Ruby, most auditoriums are haunted."

"Why's that?" Ruby asked.

"It's just the nature of the thing," he explained. "So much time spent on a stage, it becomes your life. Once humans die, a lot of them wish to recreate those moments when they felt happiest."

"But why would he be out in the middle of the day?" asked Ruby. "Don't ghosts usually like the night?"

"It is unusual," Crowley said. "But not unheard of. I mean, Lethe's around during the day."

"Lethe's untethered to reality," Ruby pointed out. "Plus, she's following me around."

"That's a food point," Crowley said. "What is it you actors say? You have to find the motivation? Lethe's motivation is not knowing who she is, but she's befriended a living person who she likes to follow around. What's this new ghost's motivation? Why is he in a school auditorium? And why in the middle of the day?"

"Go back during lunch tomorrow," Aziraphale said. "See if he comes back."

...

Ruby, Selwyn, and Lethe met outside the auditorium when the lunch bell rang. They waited patiently while it emptied out.

"You think he's in there?" Selwyn whispered.

"I don't know," Ruby admitted. "But we have to try, right? Okay, I think that's everyone. Let's go."

They let themselves into the dark auditorium.

"There's nothing here," Selwyn whispered.

"Shhhh," said Ruby. "Don't want to attract attention. Wait patiently. Maybe if we're quiet, he'll show up." 

She motioned that they should crouch behind the back row. Then they waited.

They didn't have to wait long before a man in his early thirties appeared directly in front of center stage. Ruby glanced at Selwyn and Lethe. Lethe could clearly see him too, but Selwyn couldn't.

The man was in an old fashioned suit, though Ruby wasn't certain about the decade. She wasn't great at pinpointing men's fashion. He also looked mildly familiar to her, but that too managed to elude her. He consulted his watch, the glanced at the door. He was wearing a curious expression, something between terror and hope. Terror seemed to win and he turned to go.

Ruby got to her feet. "Wait!"

The man turned in her direction. He seemed surprised to see her. "Who the devil are you?" he asked.

"Ha," she said. "Devil. Good one. Close, but not quite. I'm Ruby."

"You're never here, you've got to go," he said anxiously.

"So you can make an escape? What are you trying to run from?"

"Ruby?" Selwyn said as she also got to her feet. "What's going on? Are you talking to someone?"

This was the last straw for the man. "I must be going," he said. "I'm a very busy man. I have no time for this."

"Wait wait, don't go..." Ruby began, but it was too late. He'd already vanished. She turned to Selwyn.

"What?" Selwyn asked anxiously. "Did I mess it all up?"

"No no," Ruby assured her. "It's not your fault, don't worry about it."

...

The ghost was still on Ruby's mind in Miss Zima's class a few minutes later.

"This is one of Shakespeare's most hotly contested plays, even centuries later," Miss Zima said. "It's an indisputable masterpiece, that much is clear, but it leaves itself so open to so many possible interpretations that any nuanced discussion inevitably ends with a bunch of frustrated academics turning theory into self-insert fanfiction. You laugh, but every academic secretly thinks they're Hamlet. It's just the way things are. Of course most of us are really just Polonius. So you've all done the reading. Who would like to begin? Katie?"

Katie took her hand off the buzzer on her desk. "I'm just confused, really. Like what was going on with Hamlet and Ophelia? He wrote her all those love notes, but then he treats her like that? Did he ever really love her?"

"Would anyone like to respond? Yes, Selwyn?"

Selwyn had really grown into herself over the last few weeks. She'd barely spoken in the beginning of the class, but Miss Zima's teaching brought out a different side to the soft-spoken girl. "If we're interpreting him as a teenage boy, we could just assume that this is another Romeo situation."

"Elaborate."

"I mean, well...Romeo swore he loved Rosalind, right? He was dead certain about it. But that feeling changed overnight because of how fickle teenage boys affections are. One minute they feel one way, then the next minute they don't. Rosalind wasn't putting out, so Romeo moved on to the first girl who would. This wasn't _quite_ the situation with Hamlet, but he did have much more pressing concerns than Ophelia. It's possible that his callus attitude toward her was all because she took too long to put out then he got distracted with all this ghost stuff."

"Anyone have a rebuttal?" Miss Zima asked. "Anyone? Alright, I have one. It's possible that Hamlet _was_ deeply affected by what was going on, so much so that it affected his relationship with Ophelia. But I'd suggest he could have acted that way out of love. 'Get thee to a nunnery' is a poorly executed teenage boy to save her from the toxic atmosphere brewing within the court. He knows nothing here, not even Hamlet himself, can be good for her if she stays. So he may still love her and decide to let her go. Yes, Selwyn?"

"Or he could stop loving her, but still care for her well-being, which is why he still felt the need to protect her?"

"Also an excellent point. Yes, Tom?"

"Are we just not going to talk about the Oedopal thing he has for his mom?"

Ruby booed loudly, which was usually the reaction she had to one of Tom's hot takes. He was always trying to be edgy or play devil's advocate, and she had no time for that. This time Selwyn booed as well.

"Hamlet is _Gay_ ," Ruby said. "Leave him alone."

"Gay, Ruby?" Miss Zima asked.

"I always read him as more bisexual," Selwyn said.

"Right, fine, that also tracks," Ruby said. "As long as you acknowledge that Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are the gay best friends he's totally been with and Horatio is his boyfriend."

"I don't think there's textual evidence for Hamlet being gay," Tom said.

"There's more textual evidence of him being attracted to the same gender than there is for him being attracted to his mother," Miss Zima smiled. "I'm surprised no one's addressed the elephant in the room yet. Is Hamlet really mad?"

"Stark raving," Tom said. "Cracking up because his dad died. I mean seeing ghosts? Really?"

Miss Zima exchanged a meaningful look with Ruby. "I think that's a simplistic way of looking at it," the teacher said diplomatically.

"Hamlet's just a dramatic theatre major," Ruby said. "He's gay as hell and using every bit of drama he can muster in his journey."

"I dunno," Tom said. "Still think he lost it."

"Alright," Miss Zima said. "But that's very simplistic. Is it not possible he could've been mad and also a genius?"

"Two things can be true," Ruby conceded. "I mean he clearly struck me as having symptoms of bipolar disorder."

"I can see that," Tom said. "His mood swings alone-"

"Oh my god, Tom, that is NOT what I meant," Ruby snapped. "What is it with people? You think bipolar is just mood swings? It's WAY more complicated than that. Hamlet clearly has signs of a manic episode through the whole thing. He talks fast like he physically can't stop himself, he can't sleep, he's very go-go-go with the ideas, and his energy and paranoia is just WAY up. Then he comes down hard with a depressive episode and contemplates suicide. It's classic. And yeah, if you want to believe the ghost isn't real, bipolar people can have very vivid hallucinations. But OTHER PEOPLE saw him too! So he could be bipolar, but also right about maybe one thing that he handles poorly! And speaking of handling things poorly - maybe he did love Ophelia once, but when he started going into a manic episode it cancelled the whole thing out! Who knows?"

... 

"Miss Zima probably loved that," Maggie grinned. "She's always loved nuanced theories about Hamlet."

"Oh she did," Ruby said smugly. "Safe to say I won THAT argument."

"That was a very good understanding of bipolar disorder too," Maggie said. "Sounded like it's from personal experience."

Ruby shifted uncomfortably. "I mean, ah...yeah kinda."

"You knew someone with bipolar disorder?"

"You could, ah, say I was raised by one."

"Ah," Maggie said. "Which parent?"

"The egg donor," Ruby said sullenly. "At least that's what I was told. The sperm donor wouldn't really get her treatment."

"You said before that she died?"

She nodded. "Two years ago. She was sick or something. I don't really know."

"I know your childhood was a very frightening time for you," Maggie said gently. "Was it frightening watching that happen to a parent?"

"Yeah," Ruby admitted. "She was always a little off, you know. Scattered. She never paid much attention unless it was to tell me I was doing something wrong. I guess I first noticed it when I was in middle school. She stopped doing the cleaning, said she was on strike. Which was fine, you know, he should've helped more. But he just put me in charge of doing the cleaning. He said he noticed she was off because she stopped showering and shaving. It wasn't because she was shouting at her reflection in the mirror. Attacking actually might be the better word. No he noticed she wasn't being attractive to him. And she'd shout at the other end of the phone too."

"What would she say?"

"I dunno. She thought the CIA was after us. Something about thinking we were all psychic. She used to run around outside naked too. She'd just go out there naked in the middle of the night and scream. And if she was on her period, she'd just bleed on a bath towel. She wouldn't feed us either, we just had to fend for herself while she'd dance around the house to Lisa Loeb or REM."

"That must've been difficult for you."

"I mean there were other scary things going on, you know? She'd just go on Ebay binges or buy $200 worth of frozen fish that we had nowhere to store. Even hearing her scream about being gaslighted by her husband was less terrifying than her actual husband."

Ruby never talked about these things, so Maggie saw this as a potential breakthrough. "How so?"

The question annoyed her. "I don't know. He was just always mad about something and was very loud about it. I knew from an early age that he would kill me one way or another."

"I'm very sorry you had to go through that."

"It's fine."

"No it isn't."

"No I mean like...it isn't _fine,_ but it's _fine_ , you know? Now. I'm over it now."

"Are you?"

"Yeah," she said. "I've got a good life now. You don't see me crying about what's passed."

"Maybe you should."

"Sorry?"

"Cry about it. You seem to be very uncomfortable connecting to your past, Ruby, which is understandable. But you've gotten so good at cutting yourself off from the upsetting feelings that you're stuck. That detached feeling you described earlier is a very big sign that you're still cutting yourself off. You need to engage with reality, but you can't do that until you've confronted your past."

...

"We're gonna start doing basic set up after school tomorrow," Ruby said at dinner that night. "You still cool with helping?"

"Well," Aziraphale said. "You know I'd like to be involved, but honestly I think you hurt Crowley's feelings when you said that I'm scarier than he is."

"What?" Crowley said. "I wasn't!"

"Yes you were, dear boy," Aziraphale said. "For that reason, I think I should take a step back. I'll contribute monetarily any way I can, of course, but I think we'll have a much better experience as audience members."

"Oh," Ruby said.

"I hope that's alright," he said anxiously.

"No it's fine," she said. "I'm just surprised."

They knew she was being sincere, so the subject was dropped.

"Would you still like us to come by and have a look at this ghost during lunch tomorrow?" Crowley asked. 

"Yes please," she said. "He appears every day during lunch, but he won't speak to me."

"That really bothers you, doesn't it?" Crowley asked.

"Be nice, Crowley," Aziraphale replied.

"Ew gross," she said. "I don't want to help, that's not what this is! I'm just...curious. That's all."

"Suit yourself," said Crowley.

...

"You've got to get down really low and be quiet," Ruby cautioned. "He won't come out if he doesn't think he's alone."

Aziraphale and Crowley followed Ruby's lead and crouched behind the back row of the auditorium. It only took a moment for the ghost to appear. He did the same as he always did. He checked his watch then looked at the door.

"Charles?" Aziraphale said.

"Hello?" said the ghost. "Who's there?"

Aziraphale got to his feet. "Charles, it really is you, isn't it?"

The ghost peered at him. "Mr. Fell? What are you doing here?"

"My daughter was concerned," he said. "She asked me to look into it."

"Your...daughter?"

Ruby and Crowley got to their feet. "Yeah, hi," Ruby said. "We've sort of met before? Though it looks like you two have too?"

"Aziraphale," Crowley said. "Who is this?"

"I apologize," Aziraphale said. "Crowley, this is Charles Greenwood. Charles, this is my husband."

"Husband?" Charles asked. "That sounds nice."

"Greenwood?" Ruby repeated. "Oh wait! Now I know why he looks so familiar! You're the headmaster's grandfather! Aziraphale said you built this school!"

"My dear boy, would you please tell us why we're here today?" Aziraphale asked. "You died an old man, so why appear as your younger self? What significance does this place have for you?"

"It's a very long story, Mr. Fell," Charles replied.

"Is it 6000 years long?" Crowley asked. "Because if not, I promise you ours is longer."

"I'm....ah," Charles said. "I'm waiting for someone."

"Who?"

"Do you remember Cecil Plack?"

"Cecil Plack!" Aziraphale said. "Now there's a name I haven't heard in quite some time. He was a splendid dancer, as I recall!"

"He was," Charles admitted fondly. "He was supposed to meet me here."

"But he never showed?" Crowley asked.

"No," Charles said. "I left before he could see me. We were..."

"Oh," Aziraphale said. "My dear boy, I had no idea."

"We were going to run off together," he said. "I almost did. But i couldn't do that to my wife." His eyes landed on Ruby. "Or my daughter."

"Understandable," Aziraphale said.

"I always regretted it in a way," Charles said. "I never regretted not abandoning my family, but Cecil and I never spoke again. So I keep coming back here, day after day, at the time when we were supposed to meet."

There was a moment's silence after these words.

"Cecil's still alive," Aziraphale said. "Did you know that?"

"I didn't," Charles admitted.

"Last I heard, he wasn't going to make it much longer. But I can take you to him, if that might give you closure."

"Could you?" Charles asked. "I just want to see him."

Aziraphale nodded. "Come with me. You should go back to class, Ruby. We'll take it from here."

"I'm not even sure if this is a good idea," Charles said. "What if it all goes wrong?"

"I think you've gotta," Ruby said. "No matter what happens, at least then you'll know. You're sort of stuck right now. I don't think you can move on til you confront your past."

...

"It's so nice that you came to see Cecil," the nurse said. "He doesn't get many visitors."

"We're old friends," Aziraphale said. 

"Here's Cecil's room," the nurse said. "I'll leave you to it."

But Charles was visibly terrified.

"What is it, my dear boy?" asked Aziraphale.

"I don't know what to say," he despaired. "Maybe he doesn't even want to see me."

"I'm sure that's not true," Aziraphale replied. "But Ruby's right, you're not going to be at peace until you confront your past. You'll just keep being stuck."

"I know," Charles said. "But what can I say?"

"Speak from the heart," Crowley said. "I always find that advisable."

"Right, yeah," Charles said. "From the heart."

He went into the room and Aziraphale smiled appreciatively at Crowley who rolled his eyes before going into the room himself.

Cecil wasn't in good shape. He was 90 years old and bedridden. He had to be fed through a tube and was on a ventilator.

"Cecil?" Charles despaired. "Oh Cecil, I'm so so sorry...I should've been here for you."

Cecil's eyelids fluttered. "Charles?"

Charles smiled through his tears. "Yes, Cecil. It's me. I'm here. And I want to hear everything about your life."

"I waited for you."

His heart sank. "I know. And I'm sorry. I got scared and couldn't stay. I hope you can forgive me."

"I waited...for you."

"Yes I know."

"And now I can be at peace."

His heart monitor flatlined and Crowley knew they only had seconds before the nurse would join them.

"Cecil?" Charles despaired. "Cecil?"

"I'm here." Cecil had passed on, and his ghost appeared in the form of his younger self. "I waited for you. For 60 years, I waited for you. I knew you'd come."

Charles was crying. "So you forgive me?"

"I love you the same now as I did then. I always understood. It was harder for you than it was for me. You always had more to lose."

The two ghosts embraced. Aziraphale's eyes sparkled with tears as he turned to Crowley, who was openly sobbing. Crowley threw his arms around his husband.

"It's just so beautiful," the former demon sobbed. 

The ghosts disappeared just as the nurses arrived.

"What happened?" the nurse asked.

"They found peace," Aziraphale said unhelpfully.


	36. The Proof

* * *

"Wow," Selwyn said when Ruby recounted these events to her the following day. "Sorry I missed all of that."

"Where were you anyway?" Ruby asked. 

"I wasn't feeling well so I was taking a day," she said. "I'm better now. But that's so sad. Charles and Cecil were waiting for each other for 60 years. That's dead romantic."

"It really is," Ruby agreed.

"That's some good advice you gave to Charles," Selwyn said. 

"It's something Maggie said to me, actually, Ruby admitted. "Of course it doesn't actually apply to me."

"It doesn't?"

"Of course not. I've dealt with what's happened to me. I've moved on. It's not like I'm some ghost."

"Hey!" Lethe said as she drifted past.

"Oh quiet, you," Ruby muttered back.

She knew Lethe was enjoying her new classes that she was taking. Ruby just thought it was a shame that nobody else knew she was taking them.

"You gonna be at the haunted house tonight?" Ruby asked Selwyn.

"Oh for sure. What time do we start set up?"

"We're gonna get a pizza here after class then get right on it. This should be fun."

...

"So remind me again why you won't let me use a squib?" Ruby asked.

"Because you'd have basically a minute and a half to clean the blood off yourself til the next group comes through," Selwyn reminded her, oblivious to the fact that Ruby could Miracle herself clean in no time flat. The human put a large bowl on the table. "There are all sorts of recipes to do this online, but this is the simplest way. I just wing it. If we wanted to make it edible we'd do it with some kind of chocolate sauce and a syrupy base, but that's too sticky for this and will attract bugs. So we just go like this..." She dumped a whole bottle of glycerin into the bowl. "Do you want to add the food coloring?"

"Oh hell _yes_!" Ruby replied.

"Just throw the whole thing in there," she said. "Go wild."

"Don't mind if I do," she said. She took the cap off the bottle and threw it in which Selwyn stirred. "Woah..."

"Pretty cool, eh?" Selwyn grinned.

The mixture has turned a deep blood red.

"Throw the corn flour in for me," Selwyn said. "It'll thicken it and make it look coagulated."

"Sweet," Ruby said. 

"You two almost done?" Chell said. "We finished putting the plastic sheets up." 

"You made sure they're on the walls and floors, right?" Selwyn asked.

"Yeah."

"Good. Don't want to stain anything."

...

"Alright," Selwyn said when they joined the others in a hallway that had been papered with white plastic sheets. "Everyone have your gloves on? Good. I've got eye droppers and brushes so you can make your own blood splatter patterns, but feel free to dip your hands in and make handprints. I've got extra put aside for anyone who needs it for their costumes."

"You're really good at this," Ruby said as she dipped her hand in the bowl.

"This is what I do," Selwyn said. "I love doing the technical stuff. Building a world is fun." Miss Zima returned at that moment and Selwyn flagged her down. "Gimme a sec," she said to Ruby. She then launched into an interaction with Miss Zima entirely comprised of hand motions. Miss Zima lit up and replied the same way before walking away.

"What was that?" Ruby asked.

"Hm?" Selwyn replied.

"You never told me you know sign language," Ruby said.

"I mean, I'm learning," Selwyn said. 

"Suck up," she teased.

"Am not!" she protested. "I just thought it was messed up how she always has to learn how to read lips, but nobody even bothers to learn sign. Disabled people are always expected to learn abled people's language, but no one learns theirs."

Ruby couldn't help but wonder at the bitterness in Selwyn's voice, but had to admit she had a point.

"Hey guys," she said loudly. "I have an idea."

"This'll be good," Nick said. "It's a Ruby Fell idea. Those are always good."

"What if we did the play in sign language?"

"Which one?" Max asked.

"Both of them. I know it's short notice, but it would be such a nice thing to do for Miss Zima."

"So it would be a silent play?" Chell asked.

"No, no, we'd still say our lines," she explained. "We'd just add sign language to our blocking."

"It's a big challenge," Max said.

"I like it," said Selwyn. "I already know some sign language, I can teach you. We can do it as a surprise."

"I'm definitely in," said Nick.

"Me too," said Chell.

"All in favor?" asked Max. 

Everyone raised their hands.

"It's settled then," Ruby beamed.

...

Ruby changed into her costume, a simple gray floor-length dress that they'd ripped to tatters. Nick helped her with her hair and makeup by applying pale white powder foundation, black and gray eyeshadow to create dark shadows, and light gray lipstick. The look was completed by a tattered gray wig.

Nick pinned her hair back so it could fit under the wig cap. "So it is real," he muttered.

"What was that?" Ruby asked.

"People were betting that wasn't your real hair color," he replied. "But now I've seen your roots, I can set them straight."

"I could've told you it was real," said Selwyn. "You should see her dad. There's real resemblance there."

...

Ruby was acting as tour guide, so she was relieved to see Aziraphale, Crowley, Freya, Maggie, Anathema, and Newt in her first group. To her credit, she didn't betray to her audience that she knew them at all, but Aziraphale and Crowley could feel that she was pleased they were there.

Ruby acted as a ghost who had been trapped at the school for hundreds of years. She spoke in a melancholy tone and lamented every wrong that was ever done in the world. She led them past halls full of various jumpscares including Max as a werewolf. Ruby was most proud of something that Selwyn called a Pepper's Ghost illusion, where they reflected Chell's image off sheets of plexiglass to project her as a ghost. When wandering through Nick's mad scientist lab, Ruby pretended to get sprayed with one of his latest experiments. From then on, she started acting more scattered and irritable. She was more forgetful for a while until they finally reached an end hall that they'd rigged up to a projector. This part was Ruby's idea. They played tracks of screaming while the images from the tunnel scene from Willy Wonka played on the walls. Ruby's character's demeanor completely changed.

"Did I fall asleep?" she asked plaintively. Her face split into a wicked grin and she giggled. "No, I remember now. I was showing you your new home."

"New home?" Freya asked, playing along. "I thought this was just a tour guide. We don't actually live here."

"No quite right, no one lives here," she said gleefully. "But no one makes it out alive either. Follow me..."

Ruby led the tour group through the tunnel which was peppered with every character they'd encountered along the way.

"There's no earthly way of knowing..." she sang. "Which direction we are going...There's no knowing where we're rowing...or which way the river's flowing...Is it raining? Is it snowing? Is a hurricane a-blowing?" The lights dimmed so they were in almost total darkness. Selwyn activated the fog machines near to the ground while aiming a fan at Ruby to make her wig appear tossed by wind. Ruby's glow-in-the-dark contacts lit up a bright red as she finished the Wonka reference. "Not a speck of light is showing so the danger must be growing! Are the fires of hell a-glowing? Is the grisly reaper mowing? YES! The danger must be growing, for the rowers keep on rowing, and they're certainly not showing any signs that they are slowing!"

A howl sound effect was activated and Max threw herself against a door. Ruby opened her mouth and emitted a demonic shriek as the door opened and Max the werewolf barreled toward the group.

The adults forgot for a moment that it wasn't real and ran toward the exit door. Poor Newt didn't make it - he smacked into a wall in his haste to get away and fainted before he could reach it.

...

Ruby leaned over his and prodded his face with a finger. "Is he alright?" she asked.

Newt opened his eyes to find himself in the car park. It only took him a second to remember what happened.

"You," he said to Ruby. "Are bloody terrifying."

"Thanks," Ruby glowed.

"Nice job with the Wonka stuff," Crowley said. "Bet I know whose idea that was."

She beamed. "You know me too well. Listen, I've gotta go do another group. I'll see you after set strike, yeah?"

...

They spent the next two hours doing tour groups before closing. They easily made what they needed for their budget.

"My voice is so sore," Ruby complained, massaging her throat.

"I bet it is," said Wicca. "Nice work. I'm not usually scared, but you had me going."

"Thanks for coming, by the way," Ruby said.

"We wouldn't miss it," Lethe replied.

Nick entered the room at that moment. "You're gonna have to teach me how to do that demon scream, Ruby Fell. Chills, I swear."

"We made goal easy," Ruby said. "We'll have to thank the guy in the clown mask. How many tours did he end up paying for? Five? Six?"

"Wish we knew who he was so we could thank him..." He stopped in his tracks and stared at Lethe and Wicca. "I thought the show was over?" He teased. "Blimey these are real good though...Who do we have in these costumes?"

"You can see them?" Ruby asked.

"Of course I can see them," he said obliviously. "Where are they? Where's the plexiglass?"

Ruby's eyebrows contracted with worry. "Nick...when did you die?"

He blinked, his face growing ever so slightly paler. "W-what do you mean?"

"Lethe and Wicca are ghosts," Ruby explained. "You can't see them unless you have supernatural powers or you've died once before."

Nick still believed this was a joke. "Which one are you, then?"

"Both," she admitted. "But I've never seen anything that makes me think you're anything other than pure human, so that leaves me with only one other option."

Something about Ruby's tone made her believe her completely. "Why don't I drive you home after we're done here? We can talk."

...

Nick bought her a milkshake and she sat quietly sipping it, waiting for him to speak first.

"I told you I had an eating disorder," he said to her. "The slow suicide. I didn't mean to get so bad. People've got it all wrong, you know. I mean, I did start for the usual reasons. I wanted to be an actor, and I kept being passed over because I didn't look the part. But that wasn't it either. There was a lot going on in my life that wasn't in my control and my eating was something I could control. It's terrible, but feeling hungry made me feel powerful in a way I didn't in any other part of my life. But I couldn't focus on anything. I was slipping. It got to the point where I wouldn't even go out anymore because I was running out of excuses for why I wasn't eating. And people kept telling me I looked so good. So much better, they said. That made me feel like I should keep doing it. People hadn't noticed me much before and suddenly I had boys interested in me. Not that I was able to do much with the interest after a while, because I didn't have the energy. That's when things got really bad. I was so cold, just all the time. I couldn't get warm no matter how many layers I was wearing. Then I passed out backstage before a show. Chell had to rush me to hospital. My heart stopped for almost a minute. I was in hospital for months after that. I basically wrecked my whole body. I'll be fucked up forever. I remember looking in the mirror and thinking 'this looks good?' Because I saw myself for the first time properly. My skin was sort of yellowish-red and there were circles around my eyes. I'd thought before that it made me look sort of gothic, but I saw it for what it was. I looked dead. I had been."

"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't know."

"Hardly anyone does," he said. "I like it better that way. You know it wasn't like everyone says it is. I didn't see my life flash before my eyes. There was no tunnel of light. I was there, then I wasn't, then I was. What about you?"

"It was over in an instant for me," she admitted quietly. "The actual dying part sucked and took forever, but I wasn't actually gone long. I was somewhere then I was somewhere else. That's all."

"Do you mind me asking how it happened?"

She took a breath. "I'd really rather not, if that's alright."

"That's fine," he said. "No pressure." He pulled into Ruby's driveway. "This the place?"

"Yeah," she said. "Thanks for the ride."

"Don't mention it. Woah. You have a tower?"

"That's my bedroom," she grinned.

"Ruby Fell, Ruby Fell, let down your hair," he teased.

"Yeah yeah," she smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read the previous chapter where we revealed his eating disorder before I edited it, you already knew he'd died. I took out the line because I thought this was a more fitting way to handle that part of his backstory. There's more going on with him, of course, so we'll circle back.
> 
> The parts about the haunted house were sort of a combination of experiences I've had volunteering at a haunted barn, making/ volunteering at a haunted house we set up in my weird performance arts middle school, and making/ volunteering at a haunted house we set up in my college dorm. I used various creative techniques in this chapter that we were able to use at those places as well as just throwing bits I've actually done into Ruby and the other characters' lines. That thing with Newt running into the wall and passing out actually happened, except it was this big linebacker looking dude who was three times my size who took a look at me reciting "Miss Lucy Had Some Leeches" in a blood soaked dress and said "aw HELL no!" and ran away, smacked into the wall, tried running, ran into someone else, then passed out. Proudest moment of my life.
> 
> I miss acting so much.


	37. Mother Mother

_Do you want to come over?_

Ruby stared at the text on her phone for a lot longer than was probably normal. Was this for real? She'd never been asked over to someone's house on purpose before. She was the classmate who was only invited to the birthday party because you were required to ask the whole class. She'd always ended up being taunted by the end of any events she attended.

She plopped down between her dads on the sofa and kept staring at her phone, which was odd because normally she would join them in watching Would I Lie To you.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Crowley asked.

"Hm?" she said distractedly.

"Whatever it is that's got you all mixed up," he prompted.

"Oh it's nothing," she said with a forced smile. "Just a little...What does it mean when someone asks you to 'come over'?"

Ruby's parents exchanged a look. "Depends on who's doing the asking," Crowley said. "And what kind of relationship you two have."

She made a face. "Relationship? Ew. No it's just Nick."

"Nick's the fellow who drove you home from the haunted house, yes?" Aziraphale asked. He was relieved the conversation had come up organically. He'd wanted to ask her more about that without seeming like he was prying.

"Yeah," she said. "What's with the face? Don't make a face."

"I'm not making a face," Aziraphale said.

"Yes you are. You're insinuating something."

"I only hope he's a nice boy."

"He is being..." Crowley was clearly having a hard time saying this diplomatically. "Respectful, isn't he?"

"Not likely?" she said. "Come on, you don't have to worry. You saw Nick at the haunted house. He was the mad scientist."

"Oh," Crowley said. "Yeah, that clears it right up then."

"Why?" Aziraphale asked.

"Bit, eh, effeminate."

"Ah," Aziraphale said. "I see what you mean. Never mind, dear, perhaps you are safe after all."

"And I'm sure Max and Chell will be there anyway," Ruby said. "They're sort of a package deal."

"Do you want to go?" Crowley asked. "It's alright if you do."

"I'm just not used to being asked," she admitted.

"I'll start the car."

Lethe appeared at that moment. "Where are we going?" she asked.

"Lethe!" Ruby said. "You remember that boy at school the other day?"

"The one who could see me?" Lethe asked. "Yeah, I remember."

"He invited me over," Ruby said.

"Wait, hang on," Crowley said. "This Nick could see Lethe? Were you trying to be seen?"

"No," Lethe said.

"We talked it out on the way home the other night," Ruby explained. "He had some stuff happen a few years back...Anyway, it's his business. I was just thinking, maybe you'd wanna come hang out with us today, Lethe. Might be good to get out of this house more. Talk to more people besides just us. Nick's nice enough, you'll like him once you get to know him."

"That's a swell idea!" Lethe grinned.

"Only if Nick says it's alright," Crowley cautioned. "It's one thing to have a ghost tag along when the mortal can't see them, but in this case it would be more like inviting someone without permission."

"I'm sure he'll be cool with it," Ruby said.

...

Crowley pulled up to the apartment block. "Oh," he said. "I didn't realize..."

"Realize what?" Ruby asked.

"Well, it's just that we expected people at your school to be a bit more posh," Aziraphale said. "I didn't know your friend lived on the estate." He glanced at Crowley. "That is the word right? It's not rude of me to say?"

"No, that's the word," Crowley said. 

"What do you mean?" Ruby asked. "On the estate?"

"Low income housing," Crowley explained.

"Oh," she said. "Is that a problem?"

"No of course not," Crowley said. 

"Be home before dark?" Aziraphale said.

"Now, Aziraphale, be reasonable," Crowley said. "Be home by 7. Or whenever, it's up to you, just remember you have school in the morning and you'll be the one suffering the consequences of being out too late."

"Watch out for her, Lethe," Aziraphale said. 

"I won't let her take any wooden nickels," Lethe grinned.

She rolled her eyes. "I appreciate the concern." She stepped out of the vehicle. "Now leave." 

She shut the door and made her way up to the apartment block. She consulted Nick's text.

"I've got to buzz the room so he can get the door opened," Ruby explained as she pushed the button. Seconds after the button was pressed, the door clicked open and Ruby let them in.

They had to climb two flights of stairs to get to Nick's flat. He was waiting in the doorway.

"Blimey," he said. "You're really, like, see-through. I'll never get used to that."

Ruby was amused by Nick's reaction to seeing a ghost. "You will eventually, trust me."

"I'm Nick, by the way," said the human to the ghost. 

"Lethe," she said. "I mean, that's probably not my name, but that's what we're calling me."

"I feel that," he said. "So can you walk through walls or do you need me to let you through?"

"Nick, stop messing with her," Ruby said.

"Right," he said. "I've just put tea on."

Nick lived in a small two bedroom flat. It wasn't much, but they made do with what they had. There was one small television in the main room and a bookshelf full of movies and a few games. 

"Finally got the new Playstation," Nick said. "I was stuck on Playstation 2 for ages, but mum got it as a present after...Anyway, yeah. I don't have many games for it though. We can watch movies or whatever. Up to you."

Ruby shrugged. She didn't really know what the protocol was for social interaction. "Lethe, why don't you pick? I've got no preference."

"You sure?" the ghost asked. 

"It's fine," Ruby said. "Go on."

Lethe began looking at the bookcase full of movies just as the kettle began whistling. Nick gave Ruby a meaningful look so she followed him through the small open archway into the tiny kitchenette. 

"So is it rude?" Nick whispered.

"Is what rude?" Ruby whispered back.

"Asking how she died."

"Ah," she glanced at Lethe. "Maybe? I'm kind of new to this, I've only met three ghosts. Lethe has amnesia, though. So maybe don't bring it up."

"Amnesia? Like she doesn't know anything?"

"She knows stuff! She just doesn't know who she is or where she comes from..."

"Or what happened to her."

Ruby nodded.

"That's rough."

"Yeah. She's cool though."

"Does anyone else know about this?"

"About Lethe?"

"About the whole thing. Your whole secret identity thing."

"You say that like I'm some kind of superhero."

"Aren't you?"

"You won't catch me dead in spandex."

"But what is it? Radioactive bat? Genetic engineering?"

"Nothing so scifi. It's sort of metaphysical."

"Don't tell me you're a god? Are you more Glory or Jasmine?"

"You're such a NERD," she laughed. "I'm not a god. And to answer your other question, a few people know. Mostly people who were involved in the, uh, process. But Freya and her girlfriend know too. They're sort of old friends with my dads. And Selwyn also knows too, sort of. Found out on day one when I accidentally teleported."

"Accidentally teleported?"

"I'm getting better," she said, somewhat defensively.

"Alright, alright, I believe you," he said.

"You can't tell anyone," she said. "Seriously. I can't have everyone knowing."

"I won't say a word. It's your business. Coming out is your choice."

"Oi," she protested playfully. "You say that like I'm closeted."

He held up two fingers an inch apart. "Bit closeted. Supernatural closeted."

"I liked secret identity better," she complained. "I have gay genderless dads, I can't be closeted!"

"Gay _genderless_ dads?" Nick repeated. "Blimey, someone won the lottery there. How'd you get so lucky?"

"Believe me, it wasn't luck," she admitted. "It took an impossible amount of effort."

"Do you have anything about witches?" Lethe interrupted obliviously. "I'm in a witch mood."

"Yeah actually," Nick said. "We've got the Craft, Halloweentown, Practical Magic, Hocus Pocus-"

"Oooh, Hocus Pocus?" Ruby repeated. "I vote Hocus Pocus."

"Is that alright with you, Lethe?" Nick asked.

"Long as it's got witches," the ghost replied.

...

They made it all the way to the part where Sarah Sanderson was luring the children away through the power of music when someone started unlocking the door. Ruby was sitting next to Nick on the sofa and pretended not to notice that Nick tensed up ever so slightly at the sound of the front door. He was trying hard to pretend he hadn't, so she was determined to let him.

A rather ruffled brunette in her mid-thirties rushed through the door. Nick barely looked up from the screen.

"Don't have the time to cook anything up tonight, dear, I'm afraid," she said apologetically. "Picked up KFC again, that should do."

"Right, yeah," he said without looking away from the screen.

"Hocus Pocus again, luv?" she asked as she put the bucket on the kitchen table. "You're not on one of your phases again, are you? I was just beginning to like this movie again and find it somewhat tolerable."

"No, mum, I'm playing it for my friends," he said, without taking his eyes off the screen.

"Friends?" she finally turned around. "You didn't say Chell and Max were coming over. Or is it that young man again? That what's his name...Oh sorry, luv, I didn't see you there. Don't think we've met."

Nick sighed. "Mum, this is Ruby. Ruby, this is mum."

Nick's mum took a moment to look her over. "And how do you know my son? Are you in his group?"

"No, mum, _god,_ you've got to stop assuming that!" he said, obviously mortified. "Ruby's from school."

"Right, sorry, yeah," she said. "Nice to meet you anyway. And where's the other one?"

"Other one?"

"You said friends. I thought there'd be at least one more."

Nick and Ruby exchanged a look. They had forgotten that Lethe was invisible to most people.

"No one," he lied. "I misspoke."

"Right," she said. "Are you staying for supper, Ruby? If I'd known you were coming over-"

"We would've still had KFC," Nick said dryly. "Like we do nearly every night."

Nick's mum looked as if she'd like to follow that up with a retort but thought better of it. "Right, well, if you're staying, you should get washed up. Bathroom's just there. Nick, could you wash up in the kitchen then help me set the table?"

Nick sighed and pressed pause on the movie. Ruby caught Lethe's eye in a desperate attempt to get her to come with her to wash her hands. Luckily, Lethe caught the signal.

...

Ruby turned on the tap. "What the hell was that?" she muttered under her breath.

"We walked into something," Lethe said. "That's for sure and certain."

"Don't think he's in trouble, do you?" Ruby asked.

"Good point," Lethe said. "I wouldn't want us to get him into any trouble-"

"No I don't mean because of us," she said. "There's a vibe. I recognize it. I wonder if he needs help."

Ruby turned off the tap then immediately wished she hadn't. Heated voices were carrying from the kitchen even though the owners of those voices were trying to hide them in whispers. It really was a small flat.

"I was only trying to help, Thom," Nick's mum was saying. The tone was defensive, slightly irritable.

"Yeah and I'm taking care of it," he replied. "That's what I always do, I take care of it."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Do we have to do this now?"

"Well you never talk to me about anything-"

"Because there isn't anything to talk about."

"When is it going to end?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You're supposed to be getting better, right? That's what all this is for. But you still don't eat much-"

"Just because I don't want to eat another bucket of wings doesn't mean I don't eat, mum! But you know what? I've lost my appetite."

"Right. Because I'm such a shit mother."

He sighed wearily. "Mum, not this again-"

"I'm just a terrible mother and I've messed you up so badly-"

"Mum-"

"Everything I do makes you feel bad and I have to walk on eggshells all the time for fear of upsetting _you-"_

"Mum," he said. "I think you've got that one backwards."

"Where are you going?"

"I'm driving Ruby home." 

Ruby hadn't been able to see the fight from her vantage point in the bathroom, but she was able to see Nick as he crossed into the living room. He put on his coat. He didn't smile when he saw her through the crack in the door.

"C'mon," he said. "I'll buy you a milkshake."

Ruby avoided Nick's mother's gaze as she followed him out the door.

"I'm gonna take off, actually," Lethe said. "I can't really do milkshakes. I liked the movie though."

"Sorry you couldn't finish it," he said, trying to force a smile.

"Some other time then." She disappeared.

"I don't think she does well with conflict," Ruby said.

...

It was a tense drive to Shakeaway. Nick turned off his car in the parking lot and they sat in the car sipping their shakes. He'd got an apple pie flavor. She'd got her oreo flavor again. 

"Sorry," he said. "'Bout that."

"'S okay," she said.

Neither of them looked at each other.

"I really am, though."

"I get it. I mean, I think I get it. The rationale, I mean. You wanted a buffer."

"A buffer?"

She nodded. "You wanted to put me in there so you wouldn't fight with your mum. Or at least so it would be less awkward. Classic move. If I'd had any friends where I came from, I would've done the same thing. When people are over, parents will be on their best behavior."

"You didn't have any friends where you came from? I find that hard to believe."

"Why?"

"I dunno. You seem cool."

"And you seem mental."

"Well there was never any question about that." He sipped his shake. "So you get it then. And you're not mad?"

"Nah. Makes perfect sense really."

"Mum just doesn't like me being out as much anymore after what happened. I swear, ever since I got out of hospital, she just hovers. It drives me mental."

"Do you need help?"

Her tone made him look at her properly. "Help with what?"

"In general. With anything. Because you can tell me if you need help."

"And you'll do what? I thought you weren't a superhero."

"I'm not. Shut up."

He chuckled to himself and looked away. "I don't know if help is the right thing to ask for. I'm already doing what I can. Going to therapy and seeing the dietician and the nutritionist. I even go proper with the group therapy now. Wasn't taking it seriously before. When I first got on outpatient, I was hanging round with people saying it was like group therapy but all we did was make ourselves sicker. Lots of Pro-Ana people. Bit of Pro-Mia in for good measure."

"Pro...?" Ruby queried. She wasn't familiar with the terms.

"Lots of sick people making each other sicker," he said bitterly. "Don't look it up. Almost landed me in hospital again. Scared me enough that I got into a real group and started getting better. Kinda taught me a lesson, you know. Because some kinds of people will let you get sicker but you'll feel fine with it at the time. Max and Chell tried real hard to keep me out of hospital but I wouldn't listen to them. Starting hanging out with them less and less. Didn't know how sick I was except when I was with them and I didn't want to know I was sick. But that's why it's so great having them back now. Because real friends will stand by you when you're sick, but will try to help you feel better."

"And your mum? Does she help you feel better?"

"Yeah. I dunno. It's complicated. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"If ghosts are real, then why can't we see them all the time?"

"They're sort of rare."

"Right, right, yeah. But why do they happen?"

"Depends. The whole unfinished business thing seems true enough. Sometimes it's regrets or love-"

"So if someone doesn't come back that means they didn't regret leaving or love them enough?"

She squinted at him. "What are you asking me?"

"Nothing. Just forget I said-"

"Nick."

He considered his next words carefully. "It's my dad. He died a few years back. Heart failure. He was young so no one expected it. Mum's been a mess ever since. And I know she tries in her own way, but it always ends up making me feel worse. Then she can't take responsibility and just try to work with me a little to fix it, she always has to go turn around and make me feel guilty for being hurt in the first place..."

"I don't know anything about your dad, Nick. I'm sorry. I can't begin to understand parents or why they do what they do. Maybe he was just at peace. From what I understand, most people just move on. You can't think it's something you did."

"Right, yeah. Yeah I'm sure you're right. I really am sorry. This is all way too heavy, I didn't need to lay it all on you like this."

"No I get it," she said softly. "Believe me. I get it. It's gonna be fine though. You going to go see Chicago with us?"

He smiled. "Yeah."

"Then after that it's just a few more days til we open. Exciting, isn't it?"

"I'm really curious about how you're gonna handle Hell Week."

"Whatever that is, I'm sure I've dealt with worse."

...

Aziraphale and Crowley were very intentionally remaining in the kitchen when Ruby arrived.

"I'm home!" Ruby said loudly as she closed the door. "So you can stop pretending you're not waiting up!"

"Thank goodness you're home," Aziraphale said. "Would you come try these brownies and tell me what you think?"

She went to the kitchen and smiled at them from the doorway. "Stress baking?"

"I don't know what you mean," Aziraphale protested.

"Right, right," she grinned.

"How was your evening?" Crowley asked.

She raised an eyebrow. "As if you don't know? I noticed the lack of a check-up text or phone call, by the way."

"Should we have checked up?" Aziraphale asked. "Maggie says we need to put down emotional boundaries and learn how to give you space to tell us things when you're ready instead of always jumping to the rescue."

"You did fine," she assured him. "It wasn't anything major. I had it handled."

"You were very sad," Crowley said. "For a bit there."

"It happens when dealing with humans," Ruby said.

"I suppose it does," he acknowledged. "But you're alright?"

"I am. I'm not really gonna get into that because it's Nick's business, if that's alright."

"Respecting a confidence," Aziraphale nodded. "A noble pursuit. But only if one is not in immediate danger."

She smiled. "I'd tell you if someone was in immediate danger, believe me."

"We do," Crowley said.

...

"You were at Nick's house?" Chell whispered at lunch the next day.

"That's your first mistake," Max said.

"If it's a mistake then why didn't you warn me off?" Ruby asked. "Ever?"

"Mistake might be a bit dramatic," Chell admitted. "You've just gotta know how to handle Nick's mum. She's not normally home so it's not an issue, but you've really gotta know how to steer the conversation."

"And you don't leave Nick alone with her," Max admitted. 

"Why?" Ruby asked. "Is she terrible?"

"She's a mess, honestly," said Max. "It really doesn't help Nick at all."

"He told me about everything that happened," Ruby said. 

"Everything?" Chell asked.

"Well probably not everything," Ruby said. "People rarely say everything. But he told me about his dad and about the, uh, eating disorder."

"We all blamed ourselves a bit when he got sick like that," Chell said. "We thought we should've seen it coming. He'd been the same old Nick, you know, most of the time. Sometimes he'd get a little short with you, but that's fine."

"One person who never took responsibility was his mum," Max said. "She always thought his diagnosis was like a personal commentary about her parenting. Any time he tries to bring it up or ask for more help, she just shuts down."

"She seemed very passive-aggressive," Ruby acknowledged.

"Hopefully you don't know the half of it," Chell said. 

"One thing that sort of got me...At one point she called him some other name..."

"Oh," Chell smiled. "That."

"Surprised this is the first time this has come up," Max chuckled.

"Don't tell me you didn't know that his given name is Thom."

"No," she said. "I didn't."

Nick finally joined them at that moment. "Sorry, got caught up," he said. Then he saw the looks on Max and Chell's faces. "What did I miss?"

"So much," Chell said. "But Ruby missed more. You wanna tell her what your legal name is, Nick?"

He sat down with a look of resignation. "Is this happening now? Really? I thought we might be able to make it a whole term without this."

"He hates his name," Max said. "Understandable. Everyone at this table hates their name."

"I like my name," Selwyn protested. "It's Welsh. Means 'friend in the castle'."

"Let's not make it a thing," Nick said. "My parents named me Thom. With an 'H'. Unbelievably posh. I've always hated it."

"But why are you called Nick?" Ruby asked.

"Is a NICKname, innit?" Chell said.

"That's the punny version," Nick said. "Fact is, I used to be a bit of a klepto. Got over it."

"He used to Nick things," Chell said. "So we called him Nick."

"It stuck," Max said.

"I don't mind it," Nick said. "It's better than Thom."

"I've literally never heard anyone call you Thom," Ruby said. "Not even the teachers here or anything!"

"I mean, you're only in one class with me, Ruby," Nick said. 

"And how many shows have you done with Freya by now?" Max said. "Three?"

"Four if you count that workshop she did a few summers ago," Nick said. "So the ones I've worked with all know to call me Nick. Besides, I filled out the 'stage name' portion of my application. I show up in roll call as Nick."

"It's the same reason I get away with Max all the time," said Max.

"You know, it never occurred to me that Max might not be your real name," Ruby said.

"It is," Max said. "Don't go thinking too hard about that one. My legal name is a mystery."

"I can definitely respect that," Ruby said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going on hiatus for a few weeks! Back with 2 new chapters before Thanksgiving! Opening night is up next!


	38. More Than a Month

Ruby Fell liked to stay for a spot of tea on Sunday afternoons after recording her podcast and practicing her spells with Anathema. Ruby thought Anathema was a completely fascinating person, and always looked forward to whatever she had to say.

On this particular Sunday, they were joined by a group of pre-teens.

"I'm not a pre-teen though," Pepper protested when Ruby dropped the word. " _I'm_ thirteen now. So I'm more mature than all you lot."

"Oh yeah?" said Adam playfully. "Why d'ya hang around with us, then?"

"I'm not hanging round with you, I'm hanging round with Ruby."

"Me?" Ruby chuckled. "Why me?"

"Because you're cool."

"You've got that mixed up, I think."

"No, I'm serious, that haunted house was the coolest thing I've ever seen! How did you make your eyes do that? And how do you get ghosts like that? And where'd you get all that blood from?"

Ruby laughed. "Well the eyes were glow-in-the dark contacts. They sort of soak up the light so when you turn it off they glow. And the ghosts-"

"They're projectors," Wensleydale said confidently. "Have to be."

"You're sort of right," Ruby said. "Our tech, Selwyn, told me it's what's called a Pepper's Ghost illusion."

"Pepper's Ghost!" Pepper exclaimed. "I like the sound of that!"

"It's named after the scientist who invented it," Ruby explained. "Something something Pepper. Sorry, I wasn't really listening properly when she told me his name. It's a sort of trick with mirrors. And as far as the blood, we made it. It's pretty easy once you know what you're doing."

"Can you teach me how to do it?" Pepper asked. "I want lots of fake blood."

"I can," Ruby said. "But it stains your clothes so you'll have to be careful. And I don't know how to make a squib so I can't make it spurt or anything. You know, if you're interested in this sort of thing, you should look into being a horror tech. You get to do all sorts of cool stuff. Not a lot of girls go into it."

"It's the coolest thing I've ever seen," Pepper said. "Wensleydale's been a baby about it, though. He's been having nightmares."

"Have not!" Wensleydale protested.

"Have so!" said Pepper. "Your mum rang my mum to say you're not allowed to go do scary things anymore!"

"Don't worry, Wensleydale," Anathema smiled. "Newt actually fainted when he saw how scary Ruby was at the end."

"Did he really?" asked Wensleydale.

"Mhm," she replied as she sipped her tea.

"Proudest moment of my life," Ruby admitted.

"It was really cool, Ruby," said Adam. "Are you doing any more stuff like that?"

"Sort of?" Ruby said. "I have a show opening next week that's sort of scary. Not like the haunted house though."

"What sort of show?" he asked.

"It's a rewrite of a Shakespeare play that we've been doing," Ruby explained. "We've made it more feminist and changed it from a romantic comedy to a horror movie."

"I wanna go see that!" Pepper exclaimed. "Anathema, are you going? Can we ride along?"

"If your parents say it's okay," Anathema said. "It'll be educational, I expect. It's next week, right?"

Ruby nodded. "On Wednesday."

...

Bradley approached Ruby at school the next day.

"So," he said. "I heard your haunted house did great. Real success. Super scary."

She stared at him suspiciously. "Yeah," she said. "Why?"

"Just wanted to say congratulations," he replied. "And everything."

"Right...Look, if this is you trying to apologize or get me to talk to Nick for you or anything, you can forget about it. You've put me in a position where I've got to learn all these new lines and give up the part I _really_ wanted to do. Not to mention you've really hurt Nick's feelings. So if you're regretting anything now, that's kind of on you. So what do you want?"

He looked rather put out. "Nothing," he said. "Sorry to bother you. Just, like, break a leg, alright? I know hell week can be rough, so if there's anything you need..."

...

"Hell Week?" Crowley said. "What on Earth does that mean?"

"Nick says it's the week right before opening night," Ruby explained. "Technically it's called Tech Week, but you know how dramatic theatre people are."

"We do," Aziraphale smiled gently as he sipped his tea.

Crowley exchanged an amused glance with him.

Ruby was totally oblivious. "It's where you're kind of moving at breakneck speed to get everything up and running. Traditionally it's where everything goes wrong and everyone's stressed."

"So how are you handling it?" Aziraphale asked.

Ruby grinned. "I kind of love it? I don't know why, but this is the most fun I've ever had."

"At least you'll get to blow off some steam," Crowley said. "Your field trip is coming up Thursday night."

...

Thursday evening came with no scheduled rehearsal. Ruby had asked if they were sure they wanted to go without, but Max said most of them were going on Freya Devlin's field trip so they needed time to get ready.

"Are you sure you don't need me to drive you?" Crowley asked.

"I'm sure," Ruby said. "Nick's picking me up in ten and I _still_ haven't found anything to wear!"

"Crowley," Aziraphale said. "Are you going to give it to her?"

Ruby stopped fretting for a moment at the sound of Aziraphale's tone. "Give me what?"

Crowley rolled his eyes. "Way to ruin the surprise, Aziraphale," Crowley said with exasperated fondness. "Come with me. I got you something."

He led her to his bedroom and pulled a dress from the closet. 

"We picked it out as soon as you told us you were going to the theatre," Crowley said. "It should be your size, but we can always miracle it."

"It's beautiful," she said.

...

Ruby had only just finished trying it on and arranging her makeup when Nick honked from outside.

"No time!" Ruby shouted as she rushed past Aziraphale and Crowley. "See you later!"

She emerged from the house and into the twin spotlights of Nick's headlights. Nick stuck his head out the window. 

"Ruby Fell!" he grinned. "Consistently bringing it!" 

"Shut it," she said dismissively as she got into the car.

"You look fantastic," Chell said.

"Thanks," she replied bashfully. "You too. All of you."

...

It turned out that their group of ragtag teenagers cleaned up rather well. Max and Nick had "borrowed" suits from wardrobe, Chell had donned a royal blue dress, and Selwyn was attempting to look comfortable in a black dress. Ruby's dress was of black velvet with little sequined stars sewn into it. 

"There's Ariela!" Ruby said. "Freya said she'd have our tickets."

Ariela was looking stunning in a little red dress. She smiled as they approached, but they stopped when the person she was talking to turned around.

"Wow," Bradley said. "You lot clean up well." His eyes lingered on Nick. "You look..."

Max stepped between them and glared at him. "You've got a lot of nerve coming here tonight."

"I paid for the trip," Bradley said. "Same as anyone else."

"Let's not have a scene," Ariela said. "We can all have fun tonight with no drama, alright?"

"Right, yeah," Bradley said. "Of course. No drama."

...

"No way!" Selwyn said. "We've got balcony seats!"

"Best view in the house," Ariela smiled.

"He's got a lot of nerve," Max fumed.

Nick sighed. "Let's just not, alright? I don't want to focus on that tonight." 

Selwyn nudged Ruby. "Isn't that...?"

Ruby followed her gaze then rolled her eyes. "I'll be right back." 

Ruby left her balcony and made her way to the one directly next to it.

"Oi," she whispered. "Stalkers."

Aziraphale and Crowley looked back at her sheepishly. 

"It's not what it looks like," Aziraphale said.

She put her hands on her hips. "Isn't it?"

"A bit," Crowley admitted. "But-"

"You just want to watch out for me," she said. "It's sweet. Just make sure you enjoy the show, alright guys? And I mean the real show, because you really shouldn't worry about me."

"You're not upset with us?" Aziraphale asked.

"Nah," she said. "Silly thing to get upset about. Hugs?"

"Ruby," Crowley said. "You're embarrassing us."

"Still want hugs though," she said. "Not leaving til I get them."

Aziraphale and Crowley got to their feet and begrudgingly accepted hugs. Aziraphale hadn't bothered to change clothes at all, but Crowley was dressed in a sleek black suit. His hair was longer now, just grazing his shoulder.

She pulled away, rolled her eyes at them one more time, then turned to go.

"Oh and, Ruby?" Aziraphale said.

"Yeah?"

"You look beautiful."

She smiled. "Thanks." She couldn't help but notice that Crowley seemed rather uncomfortable - he was tugging a bit at his suit as if it wasn't fitting him properly. She decided she didn't have the time to wonder about that.

...

Ruby returned to the main hall when she caught sight of Wicca and Lethe. She waved them over.

"You made it!" she said. "I didn't know if you would."

"You're sure we're allowed to be here?" asked Lethe. "Don't wanna get you into trouble."

"You're dead," Wicca said. "Who's gonna care?" She noticed Ruby's outfit. "You look good, by the way."

"Everyone keeps saying that," she said. "Do I normally not look good?"

"You know what I mean," Wicca said. "So where do you want us?"

"Wherever you want," she said. "Nobody can stop you from hovering as close as you want. It'll be fun, you'll see."

...

She returned to her seat.

"Who was that?" Nick asked.

"Hm?" she said. Then she realized he was looking at the balcony. "Oh, just my dads. They're overprotective a bit."

"Those are your dads?" Nick asked, peering at them through a pair of binoculars. "You completely failed to mention your dad is a dilf."

She blinked rapidly. "I beg your pardon?" she said in such an affronted fashion that it was almost as if Aziraphale was in the booth instead of her.

"Which one?" Max said, snatching the binoculars. "The pastel one or the one who looks like a tall glass of Ruby?"

"I'm objecting to the language!" Ruby said. "This is me objecting!"

"The redhead, obviously," Nick said. "Though her other dad can get it."

"Okay ew-" The lights flickered. "Thank god! It's about to start! So now you can stop ogling my dads!"

"Shame, really," Nick teased.

The show opened, and Ruby was immediately swept away by it. But then something happened that she wasn't expecting.

"Oh my god," Chell said.

"Is that...?" said Max.

" _Freya_?" said Ruby.

For one night only, Miss Freya Devlin had returned to her role as Velma Kelly.

...

The show was fantastic. The students were thrilled to be allowed to stay behind afterward to talk with the cast. Each student received a t-shirt and a signed playbill.

"Any questions?" Freya asked.

Ruby's hand shot up at once.

"I knew it would be you," Freya smiled.

"This," Ruby said, gesturing to her. "How did you...You didn't tell us _any_ of this? Were you planning this the whole time?"

Freya laughed. "No, they knew I'd be here tonight so they asked me to fill in. I wanted it to be a surprise."

Nick raised his hands. "How do you dance in heels?"

"Very carefully," said one of the Merry Murderesses. "One misstep in these things and it's-" She mimed breaking her neck.

...

Nick waited by the car while the others were at the merch cart. Chicago had been a welcome distraction, but now the evening was almost over.

Bradley had hoped to catch him, but now that he actually saw Nick he wasn't sure how to approach him.

"Feel like I should be holding up a boombox," he said. "Blasting one of those old songs you like. Who does that one that goes: 'How do I get you alone?'"

There was a rift between them, a metaphorical gaping chasm that neither boy knew how to cross. The silence was deafening as they both reflected on the events that had brought them there.

Bradley was always a normal enough child - or, as Nick would say, as normal as you can be with posh parents like that. His upbringing was rather secular, though they did celebrate Christmas more out of societal habit than anything else. He never wanted for anything, and his parents were always very supportive. They gave him the finest home tutors money could buy, and he was adequate in all his lessons. He never excelled particularly at music, but his parents had agreed to let him join community theatre when he expressed interest at 9 years old. He wanted to be around other kids, and he saw theatre as a way to do that. He hadn't expected to fall in love with the craft.

This was where he first met Nick.

Bradley sat innocently in the audience reading his script and trying to follow along when a rather chubby lad sat next to him.

"You got understudy for Oliver?" As far as introductions go, this wasn't one. "I can see that, you've got the right face for it. You can't really sing though. Guess that's alright though. I can't really sing and I don't really have the face for it. Which is why I didn't. Get it, I mean."

"Right, yeah," Bradley said awkwardly. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to interact with other children. He occasionally got to see cousins at family functions or charitable events, but he didn't normally talk much. He was usually interacting more with grown ups. 

"I'm Nick, by the way," the boy said. "That's not my real name, but we've just settled on it as a stage name. It works, I guess. I'll probably drop it when I pick something better."

"Cool, yeah, I'm Bradley."

"Bradley? That's almost as posh as my real name, and you go by that willingly? Not that you look like a Brad type, mind. Just like who's ever heard of a kid named Bradley?"

"It's my dad's name," Bradley explained.

"Well that's just fine then," Nick said.

The two of them didn't interact much on that set - they were always far too busy. Plus Nick had been at this longer, so he had more friends. He was always hanging around with these two girls that Bradley didn't know very well.

Fast forward a few years, and Nick and Bradley still didn't know each other all that well. In fact, they rarely thought of each other at all. They'd see each other around at workshops or be part of the same cast, but they never actually ended up being scene partners.

Until one day, last summer.

Nick had been out for a while and nobody really knew why. There were rumors that he'd been sick, but whenever anyone asked Max or Chell if he was alright they just said he'd be back soon. 

"He probably has AIDS," Quinn had said smugly. "I mean you know all about his _lifestyle."_

"Not really," Bradley said, even though he knew exactly what she was insinuating. Nick was a bit effeminate. Bradley had never given the matter much thought.

"Well you know," Quinn said. "He's done half the boys in London by now, from what I hear."

"Come off it, Quinn," Chell said. "He doesn't have AIDS and what he does is really none of your business."

...

Freya Devlin had been doing a workshop over the summer for kids in the theatre circuit who wanted to brush up on some of their skills. This was her chance to test out whether she could actually teach or whether she should back out of the contract with the school. 

Bradley helped her set up one day.

"Nick's coming back today," she said.

"I heard he was sick," Bradley said. "I don't really know him that well, so I can't say."

"Do me a favor and don't ask him any questions," Freya said. "You're a sweet kid, so I was actually hoping you might agree to be his scene partner today? Max and Chell can't make it because they have a rehearsal, so I want to make sure he gets partnered with someone nice."

"Sure yeah," he said. "I can do that."

"Just make it seem natural," she said. "If you do it right, he never has to know it wasn't your idea."

...

Bradley waited patiently, but Nick hadn't shown up yet. Freya was just about to start the workshop when...

"Alright, alright, sorry I'm late, you know I had to make an entrance. Please, no autographs and no flash photography."

"Nick!" said Katie. "You're back! Where've you been? I heard you were sick!"

"Sick?" he scoffed. "Who said I was sick? I think they meant sick in the 90s American way - you know, that's _sick._ "

"Glad you're back," said Katie.

Bradley was trying hard not to stare, but wasn't having much luck. He hadn't ever paid much attention to Nick, so he couldn't reconcile the image he had in his mind of the round little boy with the tall twink who stood before him. Bradley even swore Nick had put on a bit of eyeliner.

"Alright, everyone," Freya said. "Break into groups of two. We're going to be doing scenes of good vs evil. There will be _no_ stunt-work today - only dialogue. It's a push-pull situation. Your character will have an agenda that's opposite of the agenda your partner has..."

Bradley didn't notice how Quinn was moving toward him when he turned to Nick. "You want to be scene partners?" he asked, not sure why he was so nervous about it.

Nick looked at him curiously. "Yeah sure," he said. "Why not? Mix it up a bit. But I'm taking the villain role. I like doing the whole corruption thing."

"So I've heard," he said.

...

It was just a straightforward hero-villain scene, but Nick put a bit of flair on his part as the villain. He even added dialogue where he saw fit. Bradley was actually having rather a nice time bouncing off of him. The energy between them felt very natural, so he upped his game a little. Without really meaning to, they turned their scene into a bit of flirtation.

Nick looked good, that much Bradley had to admit. He just didn't know what to do with that information. Nick, on the other hand, found himself rather into Bradley and had absolutely no qualms about it. He was old hat at this by now. He knew the game, and he intended to have fun with it.

"And you think you'll what? Stop me?" Nick said, such a pro by now that he barely had to glance at a script to know the lines on it. 

It wasn't in the script, but Bradley found himself walking toward Nick until they were almost nose-to-nose. "By any means necessary," he said.

"Oh look at you two," Freya said. "You've got the right idea about this scene. Chills, I swear."

Bradley broke eye contact with Nick and looked back at Freya, while Nick kept sizing his scene partner up. 

"What?" Bradley said.

"You two should keep practicing at this," Freya said. "Think you're really onto something."

Freya moved on to the next group and Nick wasted no time. "Mum's at work until late," he said. "You wanna come over? We can run through this some more. See where we end up."

Bradley felt nervous for reasons he couldn't explain, but something about this was incredibly tempting. He was really enjoying this energy. He'd never felt it with a scene partner before. "Yeah," he said. "Sounds good."

...

Bradley had never been in a council house before. He'd driven past them with his parents, who would drone on at length about what a blight they were on the landscape and how people like that should really learn how to budget. 

"You live here?" Bradley asked.

"Yeah," Nick said. "Problem?"

"No not at all," he said. "Is it, y'know, safe?"

Nick smiled in an amused sort of way. "Safe as anywhere else, I expect. You really are posh, aren't you?"

Bradley's house wasn't a mansion by any means, but Nick's entire flat could've fit easily inside it a good three times. 

Nick had his little routine down by then. He knew what 'coming back to my place' usually means in this context, so he thought he'd better go ahead and set the mood. "You like music?"

"Does anyone not?"

"I dunno. Deaf people maybe."

"Nah, my Gram was deaf. She'd always tap along to the rhythms because they can feel 'em, y'know? Plus they have sign language interpreters at concerts now."

"I didn't know that." He got to work finding some suitable music to put on. Most of the stuff he liked was too old or too depressing, so he had to choose carefully.

"So let me guess," Bradley said. "What'll it be? Madonna? Gaga?"

He made a face. "Don't insult me. Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'm into that stuff."

"Oh my mistake," Bradley teased. "So no Elton then?"

"I actually sort of like Elton," he begrudgingly admitted. "But that doesn't make me a stereotype. Everyone likes Elton."

"What does your mum do?" Bradley asked.

This question was out of nowhere. "Sorry?"

"You said she's at work til late."

"She's got two jobs really," Nick said. "Does overnights at the petrol station some nights, but usually works in a shop. She's doing night school for nursing too."

"That's a lot," Bradley said.

"Yeah."

"What about your dad?"

"He was a teacher."

"Was?"

"He died. Few years back."

"Oh. Sorry."

"It's alright. Don't talk about it a lot."

Bradley changed the subject. "Oh sweet, you've got Playstation?"

"Yeah," Nick said, relieved by the change in pace. "It's new. We were stuck on 2 until like last week. Still don't have many games for it, though."

"You got Rocket League?"

And like that, Nick forgot all about the music.

...

Bradley found himself growing quite hungry. He looked around at the small space and wondered if it was presumptive and rude to assume that maybe they didn't have enough money to order something. And it was. But the point was that he was trying to be nice.

"You mind if I order a pizza?" he asked. "Pepperoni good?"

It had been a while since Nick had properly hung out with someone who didn't have an eating disorder. He'd actually forgotten he was supposed to offer guests something. "Sure," he said.

Nick didn't intend to eat much. He found it hard to eat anything that greasy these days. He started thinking about caloric intake and it was all downhill from there. He knew he should try to eat a few bites, but he didn't see the outcome being good.

So he found himself surprised that he was able to finish a few slices with relative ease.

It was all down to the company, he reasoned. Bradley didn't know there was anything he ought to worry about with Nick's eating, so he didn't put pressure on it. At this point in time, Max and Chell hadn't quite worked out how not to be visibly worried and awkward about his eating habits, and his mum alternated between being far too involved and entirely too distant. But Bradley was oblivious. They talked and laughed and played video games, and something about this made it easy for him to eat without thinking about it. He was distracted. His therapist would later comment on how his eating disorder was linked to feelings of inadequacy and depression, so it made sense that when he was enjoying himself it would be easier to eat. That's not to say that the eating disorder voice went away completely, but there were times when it was quiet for longer.

They found that despite their differences, they had a lot in common.

"Not really much for musical theatre," Bradley remarked.

"What?" Nick laughed. "You're joking."

"Not my scene," he shrugged. "I'm not really much of a dancer. I prefer straight plays."

Nick nodded. "Right. I'm sure." He mimed quotes in the air. "'Straight plays.'"

"I'm serious!"

"I'm sure you are! Forgive me if I'm misremembering, but did we not meet on the set of Oliver?"

"All kids start out in musical theatre. You know this. Parents put them up to it."

"Sure so you don't like _any_ musicals?"

"I mean, I like Phantom of the Opera."

"Like that makes you special, everyone likes Phantom of the Opera. C'mon. Out with your secret shame."

"How do you know I have a secret shame?"

"Because you do. You're repressing the flamboyant side of you that likes musicals. I know you are. So what is it? Rent? Greece? High School Musical?"

"I dunno. I guess maybe I like Moulin Rouge."

Nick actually laughed at that. "Oh so you're bisexual, then? I was wondering."

"Liking Moulin Rouge makes me bisexual?"

"I mean, gays also like Moulin Rouge, but if it's one of the first musicals you think of, you're probably appreciating the equal opportunity eye candy."

He looked away. "Ewan and Nicole _are_ very attractive in that movie, aren't they?" he admitted with a vague smile. "You know they say the greatest thing you'll ever learn..."

Nick clutched his heart and joined in emphatically. "Is just to love and be loved in return!" He sighed dramatically. "Oh Bradley, you're gonna make me cry with all this Moulin Rouge talk."

"Bit gay," Bradley teased.

Nick threw a pillow at him.

"Oi!" Bradley protested. "I don't think that's the intended purpose of that object!"

"Of course it is," Nick replied. "That's why they call it a _throw_ pillow!"

They stayed up talking and playing late into the night. It didn't occur to Nick until Bradley left that this was the first time he'd invited a boy over that hadn't ended in _at least_ kissing.

They'd just talked. And that had been...fun.

...

They started texting and hanging out more after workshop. Not that they really told anyone. It wasn't like they were trying to hide it, they just didn't think they owed anyone an explanation. And anyway, what would they be hiding? They were just playing video games. It wasn't like anything else was happening.

"Well do you want to try that scene again for workshop?" Bradley asked. "I think we're supposed to present tomorrow and I think that's the one I liked best."

There was something about the energy in the hero-villain scene that Nick really liked as well, so he agreed.

...

"And what are you gonna do?" Nick asked. "Stop me?"

Bradley got carried away in the moment and pinned Nick to the wall. "By any means necessary."

The two boys looked at each other for a moment without moving. Nick was a bit at a loss. He was into this, he really was, but he wasn't sure what Bradley was playing at. They'd become rather good friends and he didn't want to make a move that could jeopardized that if Bradley wasn't ready for it.

He was just deciding to go ahead with the next line when Bradley kissed him. It wasn't Bradley's first kiss, but it was his first time kissing a boy. And something about this just felt different. Nick put his arms around Bradley, holding him tightly.

Bradley reluctantly ended the kiss, but didn't let go of Nick just yet.

"You alright?" Nick asked. "First go?"

"Sort of."

"We can forget all about it if you want. If this is moving too fast for you, we can just go back to what we were doing. I don't have a problem with that. I just like, y'know, bouncing off of you." He realized how that sounded. "As an actor, I mean! Like the energy is good or whatever..."

Bradley nodded. "Yeah," he said. "Sounds good. Going back to just hanging out like we were." He backed up and flashed a crooked grin. "You're not bad though, for a boy."

"Ha. And you're not bad for a 'straight'." He made air quotes around the word.

Neither of them quite knew why it wasn't awkward after that. Things went on as though nothing whatsoever was wrong. And nothing whatsoever was.

Bradley came over the next night and they played a game just like usual. 

"Yeah!" Nick said when they won a tricky level. "That's what I'm-"

But Bradley got carried away again and kissed him.

"-talking about," Nick finished breathlessly.

"Sorry," Bradley said. "I don't realize I'm going to do that until I'm doing it?"

"Like instinct," Nick chuckled.

"That might be something I need to work on," Bradley said nervously. "Lack of self-awareness probably isn't a good look."

Nick found this really endearing for some reason. "Let me assure you, you've got _nothing_ to apologize for."

They looked at each other for a moment.

"Should we, ah, get back to the game?" Nick asked.

Bradley didn't answer, he just reached for the controller and paused it. Before either of them knew it, they were kissing again.

How long they remained like that, neither of them knew. Bradley had just worked up the nerve to try to take off Nick's shirt when they heard the sound of the door unlocking and sprang apart.

"That'll be mum," Nick said breathlessly. "Just, ah, act natural."

He resumed the game just as his mother came in the door.

"Sorry I'm home so late," she said. "Did you say you got pizza?"

"In the fridge," he said. 

"Oh you've got company," she said. "I'm Marie, Thom's mum."

Bradley had quite forgotten that Nick wasn't his legal name, but took it all in stride. "Bradley, pleased to meet you."

"Oh pleased to meet you, is it?" Nick's mum said. "I like this one, Thom. Finally you bring home one with manners."

...

"You coming over tonight?" Nick asked.

"I dunno," Bradley said. "When's your mum getting home?"

"She's got to work an overnight," Nick said. "Long as you're gone by 6 AM."

"I can probably manage that. Can I ask though...?" He cleared his throat. "Have you got, erm, tested? I mean like-"

"I know what you mean," Nick said. He didn't seem offended, though he did seem almost amused. "I don't know why Quinn loves to tell everyone that I got AIDS-"

"It's fine," he said. "I mean, like, it doesn't matter. I looked it up and there are things we can take now as long as we're careful-"

Nick's face lit up and he barely held back a laugh. He took Bradley's face in his hands. "Okay, _wow._ I mean, good to know you're like so tolerant? I guess? I mean you're like _so serious,_ it's adorable. I don't have AIDS. I don't have any diseases, and I know because I _did_ get recently checked and I'm always careful. But I understand if that makes you nervous. I can go get tested again. And...Wow, I can't believe I'm about to say this because it's super embarrassing, but you can come with me, if you like. If it gives you peace of mind, I mean. We could get tested together. I mean, that's assuming-"

"No, it's a good assumption," Bradley said. "I'm not as experienced as you and I'm always careful, but I've never actually been tested."

"Alright," Nick smiled. 

"We're really gonna do this?"

"Only if you're sure."

"I think I am."

It only occurred to Nick later that that wasn't an indication if he was or not.

...

The clinic waiting room was nearly empty, which Bradley was grateful for. He didn't fancy running into anyone he knew. Nick, on the other hand, was so often in waiting rooms that he'd stopped caring.

"Nervous?" Nick asked.

Bradley smiled. "A bit." He had the strangest urge to reach out for Nick's hand. He was interrupted by the nurse returning with intake forms before he could satisfy the impulse.

"There you are, luv," the nurse said. "Just fill these in and I'll be back in a tick. These things don't normally take long."

Nick filled his form out like a pro, while Bradley just sat at a loss.

"Come here often?" Bradley joked.

The corners of Nick's mouth turned up, but he didn't look away from his form. "Hm? No, not here specifically, though I've been here before too."

"Any particular reason?"

"Safety."

"I'm not exactly sure how to answer some of these questions."

"Honestly. That's the best I can say. It helps them know what kind of tests they should run. I always use a condom and none of the people I've been with have told me they've got anything. Since I don't show symptoms of anything, they'll likely let me get away without anything invasive. Can probably know in 20 minutes. What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Any of your partners said anything we should worry about?"

"No, both of them were clean."

Nick finally looked up. "Both of them?" he grinned. "You're so cute."

Nick went back to filling out his form and Bradley had to wonder why he suddenly felt a bit flushed.

...

"How much longer until we know?" Bradley asked.

"Impatient, are we?" Nick asked.

"I just don't like waiting," he admitted. "It always feels like bad news comes when you've been waiting."

"Alright, you're being ridiculous," Nick said, in what can only be described as an amused tone. "It's really cute, actually. You're just so worried. We've both been safe, yeah? So we'll be fine. This is just for safety and peace of mind. Look, here comes the nurse now."

The results were sealed in two individual confidential folders, one for each of them.

"You ready?" Nick asked.

"Bit nervous," Bradley said. 

"Bet you've got nothing to worry about," said Nick. 

"I can't look," Bradley said.

"Here's an idea," Nick said. "What if I read your results and you read mine? Just get it clear out in the open?"

Bradley looked around at the empty waiting room. "Yeah, that might work."

"Alright," he said, holding out his folder. "Trade?"

Bradley hesitated then handed his over.

"Alright," Nick said. "Count of three...one...two..."

They opened the folders and took a good look.

"Well that's a relief," Bradley said. "I wasn't buying into any nasty rumors, mind, it's just good to know for certain. For safety. You're clean, of course, just like you told me." Nick still hadn't spoken, so Bradley looked up. "What? What is it?"

"This is bad," Nick said. "It's very bad." He looked up. "You're clean." His face split into a grin. "You're almost _too_ clean."

Bradley swatted him with his folder. "What the hell, you prat? You really had me going there!"

"I know!" Nick laughed. "The look on your face..."

"It's not _funny_!" Bradley protested. "You're just winding me up and I'm just sat here feeling like I'm dying or something. Stop _laughing._ " But his indignation was melting away rapidly, and he couldn't help but find himself laughing as well. "You're such a prick, you know that?"

Nick started to formulate a witty reply, but was surprised to find any words cut short by Bradley kissing him.

...

What transpired is, of course, totally their own business and something best kept private and to themselves.

It really was quite peculiar, though. Nick had a routine, a special way of doing things that served him quite well. He'd finish up doing his business, then immediately leave. As far as routines go, not particularly original. He'd get up, put his clothes on, thank the young gentleman in question for a good time (even if it hadn't been), then go about his day. If it happened to occur in his own bed, which it often did, he'd do the same except he'd get up to put a kettle on. That was just good manners. And honestly, it functioned as a good signal to the other interested party that their business was concluded. They were welcome to stay for tea, but then they were meant to take the hint and leave.

Bradley wasn't used to such comfortable accommodations. He'd only been with two girls and each time they'd been forced to take refuge in the backseat of his car. That didn't make for the sort of situation in which one was likely to stay still after the event itself.

So it was different for both of them when they just sort of stayed there afterward. The thought of leaving the bed didn't actually occur to either of them.

"So how was that?" Nick asked. He wasn't sure why feedback mattered to him, but it did a little in this case. He did have to admit that a significant reason for asking was that Bradley hadn't ever been with a boy before. "Did that meet expectations?"

Bradley nodded. "It did."

"So how did that measure up?" he asked. "Little bit different?"

"Than girls, you mean?" Bradley asked. "Suppose so."

"Better or worse though?"

"Just different. If you expected to turn me fully gay, it doesn't really work that way."

"I was only wondering," Nick said. "You always do wonder with a new bloke. Every once in a while you get one who thought they liked girls, but then they were just forcing themselves to."

"Sounds like you got a fair amount of experience."

Nick shrugged.

"I'm not forcing myself to," Bradley said. "I'm really genuinely bisexual. You've got to be okay with that."

"I am. How long have you known?"

"I don't know if I always consciously knew? I mean I had a crush on some fictional characters, but I don't think I really knew to call it that."

"But you never had like a real crush on someone you knew?"

He shrugged. "I don't know very many people. And you know how it is with this business - you know someone for a few weeks then you're likely to never see them again."

"Yeah," Nick said. "That's what's helped me get around. You just move on. No room for hurt feelings. It lasted as long as it lasted."

"Sounds bloody miserable."

Nick had never thought of it that way before. "It is. But at least it's not lonely."

"I liked it, you know?" Bradley teased. "Bouncing off of you, mean."

Nick rolled his eyes. 

"As an actor, I mean," Bradley continued.

"Cut it out," Nick said.

"The energy was good-" 

" _Stop,_ " Nick chuckled as he playfully wrestled one last kiss out of him.

Then they just sort of stayed there. It was different. But it was nice.

...

This didn't end up being a one-time thing. In fact, it continued happening every time Nick's mum had an overnight shift. But it had to end, just like they knew it would. The workshop ended in late July, and they needed to focus on their auditions for school. They both wondered privately if this was a thing. Surely it was, or they wouldn't keep doing it. The problem was, neither of them had ever been in a real relationship. Nick was the worst about it - he always moved on to the next thing. He wasn't used to feeling like he needed a definition for something.

So neither of them talked about it, or indeed to each other. They were both so busy that they didn't have the time in August to meet up.

They both hoped the other would call or at least text so they could know if this was a thing.

But neither of them did.

But a week before term was set to begin, Quinn texted Bradley.

Bradley didn't have that much fun with Quinn, but at least she kept him busy. He'd tried talking to Nick on the first day of school, but it hadn't gone the way he wanted. He'd worked up the nerve to say hello as he was passing him in the hall with his usual group of friends. Nick had barely glanced back. 

"Oh hello," Nick had said, with a sort of cheeky wave. Then he'd just moved on with his day. As if the summer hadn't really happened.

The same thing had happened again at the mixer. Bradley had worked up the nerve to say hello and Nick had responded rather flirtily. But it wasn't in their usual way. It was the way Nick talked to every other boy he'd had a thing with. It left Bradley feeling a bit sidelined.

Then came time for auditions. He hoped that by being in this play, he'd get to spend more time with Nick. And he did, a bit. It was almost like old times. Except there was still a weird distance between them. At least they were becoming friends again.

But Quinn wasn't happy about him being in this play.

"You know what they'll say about you if you keep hanging out with them," she said. "I can only do so much damage control. You've got to quit. There's nothing else for it. I've already spoken to your mother about it, and she agrees that for your social mobility you really should be focusing on projects that get you better recognition."

"You talked to my mum about this?" Something about that annoyed him.

"Of course I did," Quinn said. "We're concerned. You've got to quit and focus your energy where it needs to be. It's what's expected of you."

And that brings us up to now.

...

"Who does that one that's like: 'How do I get you alone?'"

Nick sighed. "Heart. What do you want?"

"To say sorry?" Bradley said. "I didn't mean for things to get so..."

"You had to mean it a little," Nick said. "If you didn't mean it, you wouldn't've done it. You had control over this the whole time."

"You're right," he said. "That's why I'm sorry."

"Is this what you wanted?" he demanded. "I mean I hope getting a piece of Quinn is worth all this."

"I haven't gotten...Look, nothing's really happened with me and Quinn. She's very, eh, Christian. She won't go further than first base. I'm not gonna press the issue, honestly."

"So what's all this about then? I mean are you happy? You were having fun with us, but then you went off and joined them instead. So what's the point of it all?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "I'm sorry, I wish I had a better answer. It all happened so fast. We got back to school and Quinn was interested in me and she's pretty hot, you know. I know you're not into girls, but you can't be blind. And I honestly thought it wouldn't matter. I thought it would be over quickly and then you and me..."

"You and me what?"

"Well that doesn't matter, does it? We were back at school and what happened this summer clearly didn't matter to you. It's not like you ever texted or anything. But Quinn did. And my parents like her so it was just easier to...I'm really sorry that I hurt you. That was never what I wanted."

"Well what do you want, Bradley?" Nick demanded. "You don't know, do you? You always do whatever you think you're supposed to do."

"That's not true-"

"You're so mixed up at this point that you wouldn't know what you really wanted if it hit you in the face-"

Bradley hadn't consciously known he was going to do it; he moved without thinking. He took Nick's face in his hands and kissed him hard, in a way he'd never kissed anyone else. Nick didn't think about it either, just immediately threw his arms around him and kissed him back. The kissing seemed to last an eternity, yet no time at all. It was over before it really had time to start. The two boys stared at each other breathlessly without letting go.

"I can come back," Bradley said. "I know Ruby doesn't want this. I can come back, I can fix it."

"Why?"

"What d'ya mean, why? It's what you want, isn't it-"

Nick groaned and pushed him away. "Bollocks to what _I_ want! You're just waiting for me to tell you what to do again! I'm not Quinn! And I'm also not your director! I'm not the one in charge here and I'm not gonna push Max to give you your part back, not when Ruby's been working so hard! What you do isn't up to me. It's up to you. Don't expect me to make this easy for you." He got in the car. "You'd better go. Max isn't in the mood to see you when she comes outside."

"Right," Bradley said. "Yeah, you're right. Sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."

"That much was obvious," Nick replied.

...

Aziraphale and Crowley could tell that Ruby was home by the way the house was suddenly filled with loud humming. 

"Enjoy the show, Ruby?" Aziraphale called.

Ruby appeared in the doorway to the living room. "It's good," she sang off-key. "Isn't it grand? Isn't it great? Isn't it swell? Isn't it fun? Isn't it...?" She leapt down the steps and dropped onto the sofa. "Nowadays?"

Crowley smiled. "Everything you dreamed of and more?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Perfect, everything completely perfect." She zeroed in on him. "See you've changed back into house clothes. Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"What's with the suit tonight? I mean you're usually a bit dressier than most people, but that was honest-to-god black tie."

"Thought it was fitting," Crowley said. "You always dress up to go to the theatre."

"Yeah, but..." She didn't quite know how to phrase this. "You didn't look like you were comfortable in it. You remember how you always tell me it's possible to pull off any look as long as you feel comfortable in it? Well I see what you mean now. You looked like you were crawling out of your skin in that thing - and not literally this time."

"You noticed that?" Crowley said. "You know, you've no right to be this perceptive."

"It's a curse," she admitted. "Believe me, I try not to be."

"It's a nice suit," Crowley said. "I like it, I look good in it. But I wasn't really feeling myself in it tonight."

"It didn't match what you were feeling on the inside?" she asked.

He nodded.

"Then why did you wear it?" she asked. 

"What I wanted to wear might make things difficult for you," Crowley admitted. "If we were associated with you in some way, I mean. I wouldn't want you to be embarrassed or put on the spot if I showed up in a gown." He clammed up as if he'd said too much.

"A gown?" Ruby said. "You wanted to wear a gown? Crowley, you could've done that. I wouldn't care what people think. I mean, hell, Nick spotted you tonight and called you a DILF and that's _already_ an image that I didn't need."

"A DILF?" Crowley repeated blankly. "What's that mean?"

Ruby was instantly mortified. "Never mind that, we don't need to-"

But Aziraphale jumped in. "It means Dad I'd Like to, well, _you know_..."

 _"Aziraphale!"_ Ruby exclaimed. "How do you even... _Why_ do you even... _Ew_!"

"I've picked up a thing or two in my time," Aziraphale said. "I'm not nearly so innocent as most would believe, you know." 

Crowley was incredibly amused. "You never cease to amaze me, Angel," he said. "And how do you respond to this comment about my physical form? Do I meet the criteria?"

Aziraphale looked him up and down. "My dear, you've always been a DILF to me."

Ruby put her hands over her ears. " _Ew_! I'm _not_ hearing this!" She got up to leave the room but stopped in the doorway. "Erm, but, Crowley?"

"Mhm?" he said.

"If you wanted to wear a dress to my opening night, I wouldn't mind," she said. "You remember what I said before about not wanting you to hide yourself from me? Well I don't want you to hide yourself for me either. If you want to wear a dress, it wouldn't be anyone's business. I don't care what people think. I just want you to be there. You understand?"

Crowley was once again touched by her extraordinary capacity for empathy. "Noted," he said. "Now you'd better run along to bed. It's getting late and you have school tomorrow."

"Alright, alright, stop nagging me, _mom_ ," she teased. Then she stopped as they all realized what she said. "Nah, never mind. I was trying to be funny, but that just didn't hit right. Let's just forget I ever said that."

Crowley had to admit that something about that really hadn't seemed entirely natural. "Right. Forgotten. Bed now?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm going, I'm going."

She hopped along to bed.

"That was interesting," Aziraphale said.

"It was," Crowley agreed.

"I wonder why that is. She calls me 'dad' sometimes as if that's perfectly usual. She can't seem to settle on something for you, though."

"I'm just...Crowley. Which is good, I'm glad to be that."

"Are you?"

"Yeah, oddly enough. I didn't used to be. But lately I'm very happy where I am."

Aziraphale smiled fondly. "I'm glad. For what it's worth, I'm very happy you are where you are as well."

"Sometimes I almost forget what it was like before," Crowley admitted. "I go so long without thinking about it that it almost feels like this is how life has always been."

"I feel quite the same way. Maybe that's because this is how life is supposed to be. For us, at least. We weren't happy where we were because we didn't fit. Now we do."

Crowley smiled at him. "Bed, Angel?"

"Thought you'd never ask."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was a young theatre major, my dorm took us all to see Chicago the Musical live. I still have my t-shirt to prove it. I wanted to give Ruby live theatre experience years before I'd have that chance myself.


	39. Razzle Dazzle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check notes at the end for trigger warnings.

Ruby always felt sort of out of place when Aziraphale and Crowley would take her to a nice restaurant. There weren't nice restaurants where she was from and even when she left, she wasn't the sort of person who would've been let in the door. But Aziraphale knew every top-notch chef in London, so they always ended up having a nice meal. She was wearing a little black dress, but even that didn't make her feel fancy enough to deserve to be there. She noticed that Crowley was wearing his usual ensemble. She hoped this was a choice on his part and not some attempt to dress masculinely in order to avoid a scene. She chose to say nothing.

"Remind me, Ruby," said Aziraphale. "What time is call?"

"Not til 7," she reminded him. "House opens at 8, but we don't actually start til 9."

"Remind us which one we're seeing tonight?" Crowley asked.

"Tonight's Brother's Grimm," she said. "21st of October, right on schedule. I just hope we're ready, what with all the last minute arranging we had to do after Bradley..."

"So how are we feeling?" Aziraphale asked.

Ruby smiled. "Funny. I know that's just a turn of phrase, but since you feel everything I feel it just sounds a bit clever."

"Not terribly nervous, are you?" Aziraphale pressed.

She stared him down with no small amount of amusement. "What do you think?"

"Well, I'm not quite sure what to think, if I'm being honest," he admitted. "I should think you'd be out of your wits with worry. You normally are by this point in the process. But you seem, well, not anxious but more anticipatory-"

"Yeah that's a good word for it," she said. "Anticipatory. Look, you don't need to worry about me. I've got this."

"You've 'got this'?"

"Yeah. I mean I fell apart all those other times because I didn't know what I was doing, right? Well I've worked at this for a month now, and I know it. I've got it."

And it occurred to Aziraphale that she did. He smiled warmly. "Look at you," he said. "So confident in the knowledge that you can do absolutely anything you put your mind to." He reached for his pocket handkerchief to dab at his eyes. "Excuse me..."

Crowley frowned in disapproval. "Aziraphale..."

"I'm alright, really I am," Aziraphale said. "It's just lovely to see Ruby so self-possessed, is all."

Ruby was oddly touched by the sentiment, but couldn't allowed herself to show it. "I don't know about self-possessed. Though I _do_ like the wording. Like I possessed myself. Guess that's not technically possible, though, is it? Hey there's an idea - can I possess people? I mean I'm part demon and if even Aziraphale can do it-"

"I thought you'd find the whole business of possession rather unseemly," Aziraphale remarked. "After all, isn't it a breach of the mind and the will?"

"Oh for sure," she said. "But it's also wicked."

"It is, so I don't know why you're saying that like a good thing-"

Crowley held up a hand to stop his dithering. "Zira, she means 'wicked' the way she normally does, like 'cool'."

"But also in the general sense," she said, taking a sip of her drink.

"Ah," Aziraphale said. "Well, no matter. We really must talk about the guest list for your little Halloween soiree, Ruby."

She tilted her head. "Guest list?"

"Well yes," he said. "I assumed you'd want to invite your friends along. We are putting a bit of effort into it, after all."

"I mean I was kind of expecting maybe Lethe or Wicca to turn up at some point-"

"But that's not all, is it? I mean they can't exactly eat. What about that delightful Selwyn, will she be attending?"

"I don't know."

"Or this Nick who's been driving you places, perhaps?"

"Couldn't tell you."

"Well you have to tell me _something._ It's next week, Ruby, so I need to know who you've invited."

"I haven't invited anyone, actually."

"Why not?"

"I dunno," she shrugged. "Didn't see the point, really."

"In your party?"

"No, no, I still want to do that. I just didn't see the point in inviting anyone. I mean who would I invite? I don't exactly have friends."

"That's not true, Ruby. How can you even think that, after all you've been through lately? Have you not been assured multiple times that you have friends?"

"Yeah, but like...Still."

Aziraphale sympathized with her situation. "Invite them over, will you? We'll handle whatever we have to handle. I want you to have a nice time."

"I'll think about it."

He smiled kindly. "What is it about this that causes you to hesitate so much? I should think you'd jump at an opportunity for a Halloween party."

"Really, it's nothing. I'm just trying this thing where I stay out of human affairs."

"Strict isolationism," Aziraphale said. "A practical, if very American approach."

She caught the muted notes of teasing in his tone. "Don't insult me," she shot back.

"It's simply not very sustainable, my dear," he said. "Eventually you'll have to meddle in human affairs in order to participate in the world. It really is such a Crowley sentiment."

Crowley quickly swallowed the sip of wine he'd just taken. "Is it?" 

"Yes, my dear," Aziraphale replied. "I seem to remember you saying something rather similar in your marriage vows. You swore to give up meddling in human affairs."

"I was echoing you," he protested. "That's not to say I didn't mean it, but you did say something rather similar on the day we proposed."

"We?" Ruby asked.

"We proposed at essentially the same time," Crowley said dismissively. "Who can say who actually asked first?"

"I can!" Aziraphale protested. "Because I asked an entire three seconds before you did! I know! I checked!"

"When you proposed, you said you wanted to stop bothering with what the world was doing and start focusing entirely on our relationship," Crowley reminded him. "So when I said in my vows that I was vowing to stop meddling in human affairs, it was really in the spirit of the thing."

"Well it worked out great for you, didn't it?" Ruby giggled. "Real bang-up job there."

"What do you mean?" Aziraphale asked.

"I mean it didn't exactly last long, did it? You swear off meddling in your bloody vows then next thing you know you're meddling again on your honeymoon. It's almost compulsive."

"What are you talking about?" Crowley asked.

She gestured to herself vaguely. "Evidence of your broken vows, you morons. You swear off any human interference then immediately turn around and meddle with me. Well here's your reward, you're stuck with me now. Lot of good that's doing ya. Swearing off meddling..." She grabbed hold of her drink and looked away in a way that was oddly reminiscent of Aziraphale. "Honestly." She took a sip of her drink.

The two immortal beings floundered for a minute, at a complete loss for words. 

"Well," Crowley said. "Th-that just proves our point, really. It's not a sustainable approach. Sooner or later, you're going to have to participate."

"It's arguable that you being here at all is an act of meddling, whether you mean it or not," said Aziraphale.

She focused her eyes on him as she put down her drink. "Go on..."

"Well, I mean, your storyline, as you'd say, was intended to terminate some months ago," he said as delicately as possible. "Yet still you go on. Any action you take now, however minute, has the potential to cause ripple effects. That's why it's so astounding that God allowed you to live in the first place. Those ripples you cause have the potential to completely, ah, what's the word-"

"Screw," Crowley offered.

"Yes," Aziraphale agreed. " _Screw_ with whatever careful plans God has for the future of this universe. Every action you take in the world is one that wasn't possible eight months ago. Each person on this Earth is shaped by the people and events that unfold around them. You've stepped out into this world and found a little niche for yourself, and not only that, but you've already willingly consorted with the public. Each person you talk to will be shaped by knowing you."

"Great," Ruby said. "Not like that's a lot of pressure or anything."

"It's simply how it works," Aziraphale said. "I don't know what to tell you."

"And if you think you've been staying out of human affairs and keeping your head down, then I don't think you've really been paying attention," Crowley added. "I don't think we can exactly call your theatrical rebellion 'non-interference'. You saw an injustice and you didn't stand for it. You participated in society. And now look at the consequences - instead of just this play tonight, you've got an unlicensed Shakespearean production opening Wednesday. Ripple effects."

"Positive change, I should say," Aziraphale remarked. "I mean you've at least been much happier since you led that little revolt."

"Did you ever imagine it ending this way, Aziraphale?" Crowley asked. "Us attending a school play? I mean I know that was one of mine, but I still think it's unlikely."

"Oh do be nice, Crowley," Aziraphale replied. "These are trained professional children. They're the best of the best of their age group."

Ruby knew they were just teasing but took the opportunity anyway. "You know you don't have to come tonight," she said.

"You don't want us to?" Aziraphale asked.

"No, I do," she admitted. "I really do. I just don't want you to think you're being forced to come. Tonight's not exactly high-brow, I don't want you to feel pressured if it's not your thing-"

Aziraphale could see that she was working herself up a bit so he reached for her hands. "Ruby, _you're_ our thing."

"Poor phrasing," Crowley said. "But you understand that he was trying to be sweet."

Aziraphale ignored him. "Which means whatever your thing is will be our thing by default. We want to support you, no matter what happens."

She smiled. "Fine. It's your funeral though."

...

Ruby hopped out of the car.

"Break a leg," Crowley said.

"Only if Gabriel shows up," Ruby joked.

"Oh and Ruby?" added Aziraphale.

"Yeah?"

"Give 'em the old razzle dazzle," he said, punching the air bracingly. "Razzle dazzle 'em."

She smiled at his attempt to relate to her with something he knew she liked. "I'll do my best," she promised.

...

"Okay where do you need me?" Ruby said as she hurried through stage door. 

"Thank god, she's here," Nick said.

"Why?" she said. "What happened?"

"We need to get her into makeup now," Max said. 

"Maybe I should get in costume first?" Ruby offered.

"Right, yeah," Max said. "Sorry. We'll explain when we get there."

Nick was practically a permanent part of the women's dressing room since he was always in there helping with fittings and makeup, so no one batted an eye when he entered.

"You seem a bit scattered," Ruby said as she tossed away her nice black dress and changed into the black dress with the white collar and sleeves that Max had picked for her costume. "You alright?"

"Yeah," Max said. "Don't worry about it. Everything's fine."

"Do you need help?" she asked. "I'll do whatever you need."

"Told you she'd be up for it," Nick said.

"Hold on," Ruby cautioned. "I didn't know I was actually volunteering for anything here. It's more of a gesture."

"You might want to sit down for this," Nick said.

Ruby's stomach dropped. "That bad?"

"No, I just need to do your hair and makeup and it's hard to do when you're standing."

She swatted him on the arm. "Don't _do_ that!" she protested. But she sat anyway. "So what's up, really?"

"Laura's got mono," Max said. "She's definitely not coming."

"Wait slow down," Ruby said. "What do you mean she's not coming? She's our Red Riding Hood!"

"We'll figure it out," Max said. "Don't worry about it."

"I keep saying we should just throw you in," Nick said. "Unless you don't know Red's lines..."

"I know Red's lines," Ruby said. "I mean, I _could_ do it. That's one of my favorite scenes-"

"I'll think about it," Max said. "We haven't rehearsed any blocking for you as Red _and_ the Narrator, so it would be tricky to sub you last minute."

"We can run it once and see what you think?" Ruby offered.

"Yeah, we can do that," Max said. "But just to be safe, I'll think of other options. I probably won't let you know til intermission if we'll sub you in for that scene."

"Fair," Ruby said. "Think out all the options."

Selwyn arrived. "Hey are we running music when house opens?"

"Yeah," Max said. "Just go with whatever you want."

"Yeah I don't know if that's such a good idea," Selwyn said. "You really want the audience showing up hearing Japanese pop music?"

"You speak Japanese?" Ruby asked.

"No," she admitted. "I just like how it sounds."

Ruby gave this consideration for a moment before reaching in her bag. "Take this," she said as she stuffed her ipod into her hand. "I assume you can rig this up to play?"

"Yeah."

"Right, just find a playlist marked 'Aziraphale' and play that," Ruby said. "It's the least offensive stuff I've got."

"Right," she said. "Can do. Are your dads coming tonight?"

"Yeah," she said.

"Oh so we finally get to meet these elusive gay genderless dads, do we?" Nick said.

"Don't start," Ruby groaned. 

"Really, don't," Selwyn chuckled. "The short one's kinda scary. Must be where Ruby gets it from."

"Scary, huh?" Max asked.

"I don't think he means to be," Selwyn explained. "Not most of the time, anyway. There are times when he's trying to seem encouraging or nice where he actually just gives off an energy...I don't know, it's like being nice doesn't come naturally to him."

"Are your parents coming?" Ruby asked.

"Mine?" Selwyn said. "No, they're back in Wales."

"Couldn't they come?"

"It's not like I'm actually up there," Selwyn said. "I'm just a tech."

"Still."

"Right," Chell said as she entered. "You might want to come do final checks on the set."

"Right," Max said. "Give me 5, then I'll need Ruby out to run through that scene. Then we'll do warm ups."

Max and Chell left.

"Bit of a mess?" Ruby asked.

"Nothing we can't handle," said Nick. 

Katie hurried in at that moment. "Sorry I'm late," she said. "It's been a day." She flashed a smile and began setting her equipment up on the makeup counter. "I was up all last night trying to get some of our makeup effects right and I think I got it down now. I got so caught up in it today that I haven't even had time to eat, but I can wait on that til the cast party. This is so exciting, isn't it? Opening night! Always fun!"

Ruby noticed that she looked distinctly ruffled - her bright pink hair was in disarray and her makeup was smeared and appeared at least a day old. She was talking very fast as if the words were being pushed out of her, and her voice was very breathy and rushed. "You alright?" Ruby asked.

"Yeah, fine," she said. "Just need to get into makeup."

Nick got a text. "That'll have to wait a minute," he said apologetically. "Selwyn and I are needed for tech stuff." He touched Ruby's shoulder. "I'll be right back and we'll finish you up."

Ruby suddenly realized she was alone with Katie. This rarely happened. The two weren't exactly close, they barely spoke except when they had to. She glanced in the mirror and could see that Katie was trembling.

"Nerves?" Ruby asked. "First time up too?"

"I've done like little acting workshops before," Katie said. "Nothing big. I'm typically just makeup."

Katie used a trembling hand to fix her makeup. Her sleeve fell and Ruby could see a few scars on her arm. Katie realized that the sleeve had fallen and hurried to cover it up. Ruby could see Katie's terrified reflection in the mirror. The mood in the room immediately changed, as Katie's eyes darkened with a new shade of fear and embarrassment. 

Ruby didn't actually turn to look at Katie when she finally spoke. "Katie," she said slowly. "Do you need help?"

"No," Katie said. "I'm fine. I've got it handled."

"Do you? Because if there's something going on, you don't have to keep it to yourself. I know what it's like to feel like you've gotta do everything completely on your own so you get in way over your head...Just tell me how I can help."

"I don't know if you can."

"I can do a lot more than people think. If there's something you need, you can tell me. I can see what I can do."

Katie hesitated then opened her mouth to say something.

"Sorry, I'm back," said Nick obliviously. "Now for you, Ruby, I'm really thinking a softer palette. We need to contrast you with Chell and really up the nerd thing. We'll be going with more neutral tones. You know those memes where men think women aren't wearing makeup but they obviously have on a bit of eyeliner and foundation? That's what we're doing. Just so we can see your face under the lights." He started digging in his makeup bag. 

"Is that tartan?" Ruby asked. "My dad's obsessed with it." 

"Yeah, I got it in a little shop," Nick said absently. He started swaying a bit. "Seriously, Ruby, this playlist _slaps_. I haven't known, like, half this stuff, but the Fiona Apple stuff is doing it for me." 

"You're a fan?" Ruby asked.

He nodded. "My mum is." He started singing along absently. "Do I so worry you? No need to hurry to my side, it's very kind..."

Ruby glanced at Katie. "Can I, y'know..." She was trying to be as quiet and subtle about this as possible. "Help you with anything, Katie?

If Katie had seemed on the verge of saying something a moment earlier, the presence of Nick seemed to put that impulse from her mind. She shook her head and forced a smile. "Nah. Unless you wanna help me with this clasp?"

She gestured to a small clasp on the back of her costume. Ruby nodded and got up to help her with it.

"Excuse me?" Nick said. "What do you think you're doing? Sit back down, we still need to get you done up."

"Well get on with it then," Ruby said as she sat back down. "I don't have all night, you know."

Ruby wasn't convinced that something wasn't wrong with Katie, but she knew better than to push someone so publicly.

...

Crowley waited for Aziraphale to get out of the car before he used a little Demonic Miracle to allow him to completely change outfits in real time as he exited the vehicle. Where a moment before there had been just the usual Crowley in his usual dark outfit, there was now a Crowley in a splendid black satin dress. Crowley even had cascading curls and magnificently red lips.

Aziraphale pretended not to ogle. "Drama queen," he said.

"Ruby has to get it from somewhere," Crowley said. "Though you should take more credit yourself. Come on, Angel."

...

"Crowley!" Anathema said. "You look amazing!"

"My wife's gone and got herself done up for the occasion, haven't you?" Aziraphale said fondly. "It's Ruby's big opening night!"

"We're all very excited," Anathema agreed. "I brought along the kids. They wanted to see this."

"Anathema says this _isn't_ the scary one, so Wensleydale's allowed to come," Adam said. 

"Who wants tickets?" Newt said as he arrived.

"Don't mind if I do," said Aziraphale as he accepted his and Crowley's tickets. 

Newt adjusted his glasses. "Crowley, is that you?"

Anathema nudged him. "Honey, don't stare. Crowley looks amazing. Doesn't Crowley look amazing?"

"Yeah," Newt said. "Amazing."

Maggie approached. "Oh good, you've got your tickets. Freya's got us in the front row."

"How nice!" Aziraphale said.

"Don't say that yet," Maggie replied. "Freya said something about these being the most 'vulnerable' seats in the house."

"I shudder to think what that could mean," said Aziraphale.

"The kids will all be in the second row," Maggie said, looking at Adam, Pepper, Wensleydale, and Brian. "Sibella Zima gets the seat furthest left, then Newt, then Anathema next to him, then we'll leave an empty seat for Freya. I'll be next, then Aziraphale, then Crowley. Are Ruby's ghost friends coming? I saved them seats next to Crowley."

"We're here," Wicca said.

"Wouldn't miss it," said Lethe.

"Good, good," Maggie said. 

"Can you see us?" Lethe asked.

"Course she can," said Wicca. "Once you make contact with a spirit in séance, you can see that spirit. It's not full-coverage like Newt and Anathema's glasses, but it'll do."

"So all of you can see us?" Lethe asked.

"I don't know about that," Crowley said. "I don't think Sibella can."

Miss Zima wasn't even paying attention, she was too busy looking through the playbill. 

...

"Five minutes!" Max called.

"Thank you, five!" called everyone in the dressing room in unison.

Everyone, that is, except Ruby.

"Hey," Ruby whispered. "Not to sound stupid or anything, but what was that?"

"What was what?" Nick whispered back. "Also why are you whispering?"

"Why are you whispering?" she snapped back, still in a whisper. "Shut up. But really, what was that 'thank you, five' thing?"

"Do you want me to shut up or answer the question?" he smirked.

She glared at him. "I will end you right now, just see if I don't."

He was clearly not at all scared of her as he answered. "What, you really don't know? Just how new are you?"

"I've never done anything like this before," she admitted. "I know you're supposed to say 'break a leg' and that you shouldn't say the name of the Scottish Play, but I don't know about this."

"It's just call and response," Nick explained. "Not a big deal or anything. They say we've got five minutes and we acknowledge. Soon Max'll call places and we'll say 'thank you, places'. Same thing really."

...

The house was open and everyone was taking their seats.

"Exciting, isn't it?" Maggie asked.

"A little bit," Aziraphale admitted.

"You seem to be in a good mood," she observed. "Ruby must be too."

"She's thrilled," Aziraphale replied. "Our little star."

Maggie put a comforting hand on his arm. "You've spent all this time looking out for her, making sure she's happy. Isn't it nice just to have one night where you can sit back and just watch her shine?"

He smiled and nodded.

That's when Freya joined them. "Alright, they'll get started soon. This is an entirely student-run production with minimal adult influence. My main job is to be a really hands-off producer. It's up to them now." She looked around. "Turn-out's about what I expected. Not bad, considering. We got the smallest auditorium for a reason. Hey Newt, can you flag down Sibella for me?"

"Mmm?" he said. "Oh sure." He awkwardly tugged on Sibella's sleeve.

"The kids have a little surprise for you," Freya signed, while also talking aloud. 

"For me?" Miss Zima signed back.

"They've been working rather hard on it. Just remember: it was their idea, not mine."

"These playbills look incredible, Freya," Aziraphale said as he flipped through his.

"They weren't cheap," Freya said. "I got them printed out of pocket because the school didn't want to pay for the glossy black finish and the colorful type. But it fits the mood of the show."

"Oh you used the headshot," Aziraphale said. "It is rather a good picture of her, well done. We had to hire a professional photographer I know to do it so she'd have something for auditions."

Crowley read the caption beneath the photo. "Ruby Fell steps out of the wings in her debut performance as Narrator One."

"Not as lengthy as the other captions," Aziraphale remarked.

"She wouldn't admit anything about her past that would be caption-worthy," Freya said.

"That sounds like her," Crowley replied.

"So Lethe, I meant to ask," Aziraphale began. "How are the classes working out for you?"

"You're taking classes?" Wicca asked.

"Not _taking_ exactly," Lethe said. "I've just been sort of sitting in-"

"Haunting, you mean?" Wicca smirked. 

"A bit, I guess," Lethe admitted. "But nobody notices me, really. I'm just there to dance. It's actually kinda irritating sometimes because I can't even get any feedback on my form..."

The house lights flickered then went down.

"Do you feel that?" Aziraphale whispered to Crowley.

"It's probably nothing," Crowley assured him. "Probably just last minute worries. Perfectly natural."

...

Ruby collected her book from the prop table that was located at the crossover behind the stage and made her way to stage left. She always found her eyes moving toward the staircase leading to the fly system when she walked by.

"You ever just wanna go up there?" she asked Nick. "Just once? To see the view?"

"I admit I've been tempted," he said. "But you know it's not allowed. Even techies have been expelled for being in the fly tower without explicit permission. We could get hurt."

"Maybe you could," she said. "I'd just land on my feet."

"Don't even think about it," he warned her. "We're not even using wires or backdrops on this play. We don't need the fly tower."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," she said. She went to join Chell in the wings.

"Who am I looking for again?" Chell asked.

"Pastel suit, blonde hair," Ruby said. "Very gay energy. Do that bit to him. It'll be funny, trust me."

"Got it," she said before taking off through the crossover to the other side of the stage.

The lights came up on a set painted to look like different books of fairytales. Ruby entered. She was wearing a tweed blazer and skirt over a tan vest. Her hair was pinned back from her face with a tartan bow and her thick black glasses were firmly affixed to her face. She held her hands clasped primly in front of her as she grinned at the audience. 

Ruby's eyes found Aziraphale, Crowley, and all her friends in the audience. She showed no sign of recognition, but her parents could feel that she was pleased to see them. Miss Zima scanned the stage for her surprise, but didn't have to look long. The kids had learned sign language for her, and signed along while speaking their lines aloud.

"Hello!" Ruby said, in a very clipped and proper accent that was not at all her usual manner of speaking. "And welcome to the Brother's Grimm Spectaculathon-"

"SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAAAY!" Chell cut in as she ran on stage from stage right wearing a red and black checkered button up shirt that was unbuttoned over a black tank top with a short black skirt and fishnets. "IT'S EXTREEEME!"

The two actors carried on introducing the main premise of the show, which was that they'd be attempting to perform every story ever created by the Brothers Grimm as they were originally written. Ruby's character was very reserved and by the book, Chell's was very outgoing and comedic.

Eventually, a young actor entered in red horns and a matching cape. Aziraphale glanced at Crowley out of the corner of his eye.

"Hey there, hot stuff," the actor dressed as the devil said. "Oh wait, that's me! Ha ha ha ha!"

"Are you a prince?" asked a young actress.

"Of darkness!" the devil replied.

Aziraphale couldn't help but smirk as he saw Crowley's attempt not to show a bit of a pained reaction to that.

The story went on.

"It was a good day for the girl," Ruby said. "She fell in love with a prince."

"Hey you're hot!" the prince said.

"I am hot!" the girl agreed.

"Let's get married!"

"Score!"

"She grew very rich," said Chell.

"Hey look!" the prince said. "I just tripped over a pot of gold! What are the odds?"

"Score!" the girl said.

"And she conceived a child," said Chell.

"Woah!" the girl said. "How did that happen?"

"Well you see kids," Chell said. "When a prince and a princess love each other very much-"

Ruby's expression changed to one of horror as she realized where Chell's sentence was heading. She quickly cut her off. "Through magic! The magic of the devil! And that's where babies come from!"

Crowley leaned back to mutter to the kids in the row behind them. "She's right, you know."

"Shhh!" said Pepper.

"I've always wanted a baby!" said the prince. "Let's go back to my kingdom!"

"What are you prince of anyway?" asked the girl.

"Denmark."

Both Aziraphale and Crowley couldn't help but laugh at that.

There was a whole scene with Rapunzel that made Aziraphale and Crowley instantly understand why Ruby had been so disappointed to not be the Enchantress anymore. She would've been perfect for it. But at least she got one good line at the end of it.

"The moral of the story is that the patriarchy will stop at nothing to impose its evil, testosterone-centered world-view on the innocent pagan femininity of the other."

"She's right, you know," Wicca whispered to Crowley.

Crowley nodded in agreement.

They moved on to another story: Hansel and Gretel.

"Can we get some cool lighting effects, please?" Ruby said. "Okay." She hopped off the stage and addressed the part of the audience furthest away from her friends. "Now you people over here. Awake? Good. Here's what we're going to do."

Aziraphale and Crowley could feel that she was a little nervous to do this part, but to her credit she didn't show it at all.

"When I point to you, I want you to make a scary horror movie sound," she said. "Like this Ch-ch-ch-ch ah-ah-ah-ah. Can we try that?" The audience hadn't been expecting participation, so they didn't immediately get into it. "Oh come on, you suck! What horror movies have you been watching?" They began chanting a little louder. She noticed that Ariela was in the audience. "This chick isn't scary at all - see it's like this. Ch-ch-ch-ch ah-ah-ah-ah!" Ariela smiled and tried harder. "Good, you've got it!" 

She moved on to a section near the aisle. Bradley just happened to be in this one. Ruby was surprised to see him there, but was too professional to show it.

"Now you guys," Ruby said. "You look a little smarter than those people over there. I'm sorry, but it's true!" She knew she had to pick a random audience member to talk to and her instinct was to pick Bradley. She picked a dark-haired gentleman in the front row instead. "Look at this guy over here! He's a freaking genius! Now when I point to you guys, I want you to say 'don't go in there!' Okay, let's try that. One, two, three..."

She gestured to them the way she had when she was prompting the other part of the audience before.

"Don't go in there!" that part of the audience shouted. With Bradley in this section, they were considerably louder than the other section had been. Bradley was really getting into it.

Ruby moved along to a section of the audience directly across the aisle. This section had Miss Zima, Anathema, Newt, and Freya in it.

"Now you guys," she said. "No good horror movie is complete without heavy breathing. Like this..." She demonstrated. "You try it." She listened for a moment as they copied her then pointed to Newt and Anathema. "Um...you need to take it outside, okay? This is a family show." 

She finally moved along to the final group in the audience, which contained Aziraphale, Crowley, the two ghosts, and all the children in her group. 

"And finally," she said. "Since this is an after-school special. I want you to repeat after me: Peer pressure! Peer pressure! Can you handle that?" Lethe nodded back so Ruby smiled. "You're all a bunch of freaking geniuses!"

Ruby tested each part of the audience to make sure they were ready on cue when she pointed at them, and then began the story.

"Audience participation, Aziraphale?" Crowley muttered through clenched teeth.

"I know, but it could be fun," Aziraphale said. "We're meant to be supportive. So let's be supportive."

"Hansel," said Gretel. "I'm worried about you."

"Why?" said Hansel.

"I saw you smoking behind the school the other day. Why do you do that?"

Ruby gestured directly at Aziraphale and Crowley.

"Peer pressure, peer pressure!" they chanted along with their part of the audience.

"Ruby's peer pressuring us," Crowley muttered.

"Quiet," Aziraphale said. "This could be sort of fun."

Crowley tilted his head to the side with a disappointed grimace. Of course Aziraphale would be enjoying himself. Crowley had to admit he had been as well up until the thought of humiliating himself via audience participation had come up. But this was just exactly the sort of thing that Aziraphale would like and he was a fool not to have realized it.

The Hansel and Gretel story continued with Ruby pointing strategically at the audience to cue them in. They responded appropriately, and Aziraphale and Crowley could feel the relief that she didn't show on her face.

"It's a house!" Gretel said.

"What should we do?" Hansel asked.

Ruby gestured to the part of the audience with Bradley in it.

"Don't go in there!" it shouted.

"Do you think I should try the door?" Hansel asked. "If only I had some kind of clue about what to do!"

"Don't go in there!" Aziraphale shouted along with the audience.

Crowley shushed him. "It wasn't your cue, Angel," he murmured. 

"I know," Aziraphale said. "I just got carried away."

But he'd said it so loudly that Ruby had heard and they could feel her amusement with them.

"Huh," Hansel said. "Let's go in there."

The Hansel and Gretel story continued past the daring escape from the witch's cottage.

"And he jumped off a cliff," Ruby said.

"I can fly!" Hansel shouted. "Maybe!"

"It's up to you, audience!" Ruby shouted desperately. "If you clap hard enough, Hansel will live! Come on, people!"

She led the entire audience in a round of applause.

"Come on, people!" Hansel said. "Let me live!"

"Come on!" Ruby shouted. "Don't you believe a boy can fly? Come on!"

The boy playing Hansel dropped to the ground with a scream that slowly grew fainter as if he was falling. He hit the ground with a splat.

Ruby stared at him as if stunned. "You didn't clap hard enough," she said, the horror evident in her voice. "He died." Tears sprang to her eyes and she trembled as she gathered herself. She turned with fresh fury to the audience. "You know, I've done this show a lot. And every time the audience clapped hard enough to let Hansel live. Every time! I just don't know what to say..." She glanced at Hansel's body then jumped off the stage. "I think it really comes down to this guy." She got right up in Newt's face. "This guy right here! He didn't clap hard enough! His heart wasn't really into it! How do you face your children, sir? How do you face your children?"

Newt forgot momentarily that it wasn't real because Ruby's emotions seemed so real. He reached out slightly. "I-I'm sorry-"

She hadn't expected this, but it actually worked in her favor as she turned away and delivered her next line. "Don't talk to me!" She buried her face in her hands.

They moved ahead through several more stories until finally...

"I think it's about time for an intermission, don'tcha think?" Ruby said.

"I didn't think we were doing an intermission," Chell said.

Ruby pointed to Brian. "Look at this guy. His bladder is going to burst. I mean, he's just thinking right now about waterfalls, and a stream splashing, and there's like this pressure, and he doesn't want to get up because he's embarrassed, but he really needs to pee."

"Fine," Chell said. "We can have an intermission, but we have to have a finale for act one."

They took them through the story of the Frog Prince.

"And they lived happily ever after," Ruby said. "But that-"

"Is just half of our story," Chell said. "Because there is more to come!"

"Madness!" Ruby promised gleefully. "Death! People eating other people! Things that go bump in the night!"

"So run to the bathroom," said Chell. "Run, do not walk. Make a quick cell phone call if you have to. Check your email on your Blackberry, if you're super old and think it's still 2008-"

"But be back here in fifteen minutes for the greatest second act in the history of theatre!" Ruby commanded.

The spotlight went out and the curtains closed as the house lights came up.

"Okay, that was spooky," Brian said. 

"What was?" asked Adam.

"How did she know?" He rose out of his seat. "I've really gotta go." He sprinted for the bathroom.

"Well?" Freya said.

"They learned the whole play in sign language?" Miss Zima said. "For me?"

"You didn't know?" Crowley asked.

"I didn't work on this play," Miss Zima said. "No, I had no idea. Whose idea was it? Selwyn?"

"Selwyn actually taught them the sign language," Freya said. "But it was Ruby's idea. Apparently it came to her during the haunted house."

"This was Ruby's idea?" asked Aziraphale. He was strangely proud.

"She's been doing this the whole time," Freya said. "You know she had script notes on her first table read? You could tell she was hesitant about saying anything, but there was some language she found objectionable."

"We are talking about the same Ruby, aren't we?" Crowley asked. "I haven't yet found language she objects to."

"The play's a bit dated, admittedly," Freya said. "There were a few jokes about gender and crossdressing that she altered slightly. You'll see in act two. She thought they were mostly fine, she just needed to edit them to make them completely fine. And she didn't stop there. She took issue with some fat-shaming language and a particular passage where her character was supposed to utter the 'R' word."

"The 'R' word?" Aziraphale asked.

Freya smiled. "Point is, she asked to have all that edited or tweaked so that people in the audience wouldn't feel like they were being made fun of."

"From what I've seen of this play, isn't the point to make fun of the audience?" Crowley asked.

"Not in a mean-spirited way," Freya said. "And here's the real kicker - Max, our director, had said in her original pitch that she intended to edit that kind of language out. This cast seems to be mostly kids in the LGBT community and even among them, we have one cast member with an eating disorder and a member of crew with autism. I don't think Ruby knew any of that when she asked."

"How remarkable," Aziraphale smiled.

...

"So what's the verdict?" Ruby asked. "Do you need me to sub for Red? I can do it, you just need to let me know now."

Max hesitated then nodded. "By all rights, that should've been your role first. The only reason I didn't give it to you in the first place was because I thought your range was better showcased with Cinderella, and you were really set on the whole witch thing-"

"And now I'm not playing any of those roles," Ruby said. "So I guess I'm freed up. Has anyone seen Katie?"

"Yeah, think she's still back in the dressing room," Chell said.

"Cool." She hurried off, knowing she only had limited time to check on her. Katie hadn't been on her mind at all when she was on stage, but now it was as if reality had been waiting patiently the entire time. She checked the dressing room, but she wasn't there. "Has anyone seen Katie?" She got only shrugs in return. Clearly no one else was concerned. She heard voices from behind the set in the crossover and went to check it out.

"So yeah anyway," Katie was saying. "I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go out after this."

"We're all going out after this," Nick said obliviously. "Cast party or whatever."

"Yeah yeah, that's chill, right," she laughed nervously. "But I meant like maybe after the cast party or maybe later on like as a, y'know, as a date or something."

Nick had been picking up on Katie's hints for months, but had been ignoring them in an effort to preserve her self-esteem. He'd hoped she'd take the hint and get over it and they'd never have to talk about it. "Katie," he said. "You know I'm gay, right?"

"So?" she said. "We can work around that."

"Can we?"

"Yeah I mean like it happens all the time, right? The gay guy and the straight girl?"

"Not in a good way. It's usually like a closet thing. That's no kind of life. For either of us."

"I don't mind settling," she assured him. "It's fine, really. I just like think it could be nice. You and me, you know."

"No," he said. "I'm sorry, but I don't think it can be. And you know this isn't the time to do this. We're in the middle of a show. It's always cursed doing this stuff during a show."

"There's always a bloody show!" she snapped. "There can't always be that excuse."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I just think of you more as a friend."

"That doesn't have to be a problem," she said, a desperate edge entering her voice. "I can live with it-"

"I don't think that would be good for you," he said. "You deserve better. I'm sort of fucked up, Katie."

"Who isn't?"

"You can do better."

"Can I?"

"There's someone out there who will be good for you. Who can treat you like you deserve-"

She suddenly shuddered as if a current had gone through her body. "I doubt that," she said through gritted teeth.

"Katie," he said slowly. "If something's wrong-"

"That's five, everyone!" Max shouted.

"Thank you, five!" Ruby shouted along with everyone else. But in her haste to participate in the ritual, she'd given up that she'd been listening in. Nick and Katie both stared at her.

Nick decided that he needed to focus on Katie. "Katie-"

"Don't," she said. "Just don't."

She rushed toward the dressing room. Nick looked helplessly at Ruby, who had no choice but to head back to the stage. There simply wasn't time to deal with Katie.

...

"Do you feel that?" Crowley asked.

"Trouble?" asked Maggie.

"Possibly," said Crowley. "Something isn't quite right and Ruby knows it. Maybe we should check on her-"

"I'd like nothing better," Aziraphale said, with a half-glance at Maggie. "But it would likely be better for her to sort it out herself. This doesn't feel overwhelming or life-and-death. Rushing in like it is could make things worse. It's far better to wait to be asked for help unless something changes."

Maggie smiled. "Couldn't've said it better myself. You're doing the right thing."

"It doesn't feel like it," he grumbled.

Narrator One was on stage for a majority of the play, so when Act 2 opened with no Ruby on stage for the first few lines it was a bit strange. Ruby liked to joke that she spent less than 15 minutes off-stage in the entire play. 

She waited patiently for her cue.

The lights came up. Chell entered.

"Hey," she said. "What's up? Ruby got stuck in line for the ladies' room-"

"That can't be good," Aziraphale whispered. "Where could she be? She hasn't been offstage for this entire play so far, she wouldn't just miss a cue-"

"Aziraphale, calm down," Freya assured him. "It's just part of the play. She's fine."

Ruby rushed on stage. "Sorry I'm late!"

"Alright, we're ready to go!" Chell said. "To re-cap:"

Ruby said her entire next line in one breath, which impressed both Aziraphale and Crowley as it must be a doozy to remember. 

"Once upon a time there was a princess who kissed a frog who happened to betray a talking fish who was caught by a fishergirl who wished for gold but instead became a witch who tried to eat two children one of whom grew up to make a deal with the devil, an enchantress, and a weird little man for her first born child who would eventually be locked in a tower before having her hair cut off and meeting a prince in the desert. And there were no crab people."

"Simple, right?" Chell said. "Back to our story!"

"You see, that princess who married the frog had a mother."

"Most girls do. It's a real problem. Remember, guys: If you wonder what kind of wife you're going to have, look at your girlfriend's mother. Because that's who you're going to become."

Ruby glared at Chell while Aziraphale and Crowley tried to work out whether she was offended on behalf of being compared to Crowley or some people from her past. "Do you ever wonder why you're single?" she asked.

The next scene was an attempt to tell Snow White, which Aziraphale and Crowley knew was personally one of Ruby's least favorite princesses. Ruby tried to hold them to the standard of doing the story as the Brothers Grimm had originally written it, but her costars kept going off book. Chell eventually convinced her that maybe sometimes the original stories are bad, so Ruby passive aggressively gave up her position as narrator in order to let a dwarf tell the story instead. Ruby then assumed the role of a dwarf.

"These dwarves worked all day in the mines," the dwarf explained. "Beneath the surface of the Earth and swore revenge on the upworlders."

Ruby shook her fist dramatically at the sky. "Curse you upworlders!"

"She gets this from you, you know," Aziraphale teased Crowley under his breath.

"And one day," the dwarf continued. "They came home to find a giant hottie in their bed."

"Hey look!" Ruby said as she stumbled upon Snow White. "A giant hottie!"

"She's huge!" said another dwarf who was played by Nick. "She's going to eat me! Run for it!"

Ruby put a hand in the air to placate him. "Hold on, dwarf number two. I'm tired of running." She moved slowly upstage. "I'm tired of being a supporting character. This is my time. You see, I happen to be quite brilliant and I know for a fact that this giant hottie has fallen under a curse to sleep for a hundred years."

"I thought that was the Sleeping Beauty story," said Nick.

Ruby shrugged. "From my perspective, they all look the same. And the only way for this giant hottie to wake up is to receive a kiss from her true love. Me."

Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a startled look. Ruby hadn't said anything about her character having to kiss Snow White. This was quite the twist.

"Aren't you a little short and girly to be her true love?" asked Nick.

Ruby immediately got irritated. "Look, if I was a frog and I kissed her, she'd love me forever, alright? So I just happen to be a dwarf. Big deal. She's gonna grow to love me."

"And with that," said the dwarf pretending to be the narrator.

Ruby climbed up on the bed next to Snow White and looked down at her. 

"Um," she said. "I'm not really comfortable with the kissing part."

"Oh you're alright," said the Dwarf/Narrator. "Go ahead, make out with the woman in a coma."

"This is like a lifetime movie," said Nick.

Ruby moved in slowly for a kiss then stopped and raised her hand. "Can I shake her hand or something?"

"Please?" Snow White asked. "I don't think she brushed her teeth today."

Ruby immediately bristled. "I brushed my teeth!"

"Well something is a little rank over here!" Snow White complained.

"That was me," said Nick. "My bad. That beef is tearing up my insides."

"Can we get back to the story, please?" the Dwarf/Narrator asked. "You're ruining my magic!"

Ruby sighed with frustration. "Fine!" She put a hand over Snow White's mouth then kissed the back of her hand.

Then came a sequence where the actress playing Snow White decided this version was sexist so she was gonna do her own version. She cast Nick as Snow White.

"Really?" he said gleefully. "I've always wanted to be Snow White! I remember for my fifth birthday party, I wanted to dress up as her but my parents made me go as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle because they said boys can't be Snow White-"

"That's the line she altered," Freya whispered. "I mean, Max had already submitted basically that same thing, so Ruby definitely didn't invent the better version of that line, but it's good of her to think of it."

They moved on through the scene.

"Which would've been fine," Chell said. "But unfortunately for the royal family, they had forgotten about the witch."

"Which witch?" Ruby asked.

"The witch which watched Walt's wish."

"What?"

"Watch."

Chell opened her arms to gesture at stage right. This was Katie's cue, she was supposed to come on to do a brief little scene as the Frog Prince. She didn't appear.

The audience laughed, because they assumed this was part of the play. It was not.

Ruby recovered quickly. "I thought there was supposed to be a story here," she said. "What am I supposed to be looking at?"

Chell was grateful for the save. "Just watch."

They waited another second, but nothing happened. The audience laughed again.

Ruby shrugged. "Alright, guess we're not going that one then. Moving on." The audience laughed and she did a split second calculation to determine where in the script she should pick it back up if they were skipping the scene where the prince got turned into a frog. "I'm not sure this makes a whole lot of sense."

Chell was once again grateful for Ruby's save. This set her right where she needed to be to get the scene back on track. "Do you want to get through all these or not?"

Crowley leaned toward Aziraphale to mutter in his ear. "You felt that?"

Aziraphale nodded. "Something's wrong. I don't think that was supposed to happen."

On the other side of the auditorium, Bradley, who had once played Chell's part, knew for sure that something was wrong. He knew that was Katie's cue. He decided to slip backstage to see if he could help.

"This is a little story I like to call Number 95," Chell said. "The Devil's Grandmother."

Aziraphale glanced at Crowley.

"Don't start," Crowley muttered.

"The Devil has a grandmother?" Ruby asked.

"Everyone has a grandmother," Chell said. "And you need to call yours. Before she dies."

Ruby suddenly looked stricken. "I have a phone call to make!"

She raced off stage. "Has anyone seen Katie?" she asked one of their few stage hands. 

He nodded toward the dressing room. "Max is in with her now."

"Thanks." She made her way there as quick as she could. She knew she only had a slim window of opportunity.

Max was waiting outside the door. "What are you doing? You need to get ready to go back on!"

"Where's Katie?" Ruby asked. "I know something's wrong."

"Nick's doing everything he can-"

"Nick might not be able to help." Ruby could see the terrified look in Max's eyes. "This isn't just bad for the show, is it? This is actually bad. Like in reality."

"I don't know," Max admitted. "I don't really know what's happening. I'm just trying to keep people out of there so she stays calm-"

"What is it you're not telling me? You can trust me, I won't tell anyone."

Max had the real sense that Ruby was someone who could be trusted and really did want to tell her. "You'll think I'm mad."

"I've seen mad," Ruby said. "Reality's usually madder. Try me. Let me help."

"It's her eyes," Max admitted. 

Ruby entered the dressing room where Nick was trying hard to keep Katie calm. Katie was sitting on the floor beneath the makeup counter with her head in her hands, shaking as if she were about to come apart.

"I really didn't mean to hurt your feelings," he said. "I just don't know what else to say-"

"So maybe you shouldn't say anything at all," Ruby said, pushing past him. She knelt in front of Katie without the faintest clue what to do. "Katie? Hey, it's Ruby."

"If you've come to shout at me about missing my cue-" Katie began.

"No, that's not important now," Ruby said. "Not even remotely. I covered, so it's fine. Besides, that's not the real world. This is." She narrowed her eyes. "Katie, you're bleeding."

Katie's frustrated groan turned into a guttural growl deep in her throat as she moved her arm out of the light. Ruby could see that Katie's nails, which were normally long and painted colorfully, had grown impossibly fast and turned into claws that were digging into her arm.

"I just want it to stop," Katie sobbed. "I can't keep doing this, I want it to stop, I want it to stop..."

"Can't keep doing what?" She noticed that Nick and Max were hovering slightly. "Everyone give her some space, okay? Stop breathing down her neck!" She waved them back. "Katie, you can tell me what's going on."

"You won't believe me. You'll think I'm mad."

"I've seen mad and, believe me, the real world is so much madder than that. Please, I can't help you if you don't at least try." Katie didn't answer, so Ruby took another approach. "Katie, can you look at me?"

Katie shook her head and coiled her body up tighter. "You'll think I'm a freak."

"Yeah, probably," she shrugged. "But I'm a freak, so that'll make me like you more."

"I'm not supposed to tell anyone...It's not safe..."

"I get that. I've got secrets too that I'm not supposed to tell anyone. If anyone knew, it could ruin everything. But I'm choosing now to trust you. Can you try to trust me?"

"Secret for a secret?"

"That depends on how good yours is."

Katie looked up slowly and Ruby found herself staring into the yellow eyes of a wolf. "How good is this?" she asked bitterly.

"I dunno," Ruby said. "Are we doing scale of one to ten?"

Ruby's attempt to lighten the situation didn't work, and Katie growled again. Sharp canine teeth were emerging from her gums and biting into her bottom lip as she tried to hold back the sound. "I told you you'd think I'm a freak," she growled as she buried her face in her hands. "I just want to die, please, I can't do this anymore, I can't live like this..."

Katie sprang to her feet and pushed past Ruby. Ruby panicked. Katie needed some kind of help, and Ruby wasn't sure how to give it to her. She just knew that she couldn't let anyone else see her like this.

...

Aziraphale looked at Crowley and knew he was thinking the same thing he was. They needed to slip backstage to help Ruby. They were about to find an excuse to get up when.

"Imagine what it must be like to be old for a day," Chell said. She hopped into the audience and pointed at Aziraphale just as Ruby had asked. "You already know, sir. Imagine how it must feel to have your best days behind you and only really be waiting for the welcoming arms of death. To feel your body decay, your mind collapse. Tell us about it, sir." Aziraphale simply stared like a deer in the headlights. "This man is so old he can't even speak!" She turned to Crowley. "You must be his caretaker. I pity you."

...

Katie felt cornered. She couldn't make it outside or to the auditorium doors because there were too many people in the way. She wasn't thinking clearly at all. She ran for the only route available to her - the staircase to the fly tower.

"Katie!" Nick hissed. "What are you doing? We're not supposed to be up there! You'll get expelled!"

But Katie pressed right on ahead. "They can't expel a dead girl!" she said hysterically.

Max, Nick, and Ruby exchanged a look.

"You don't think she's-" said Max.

"She wouldn't," Nick said. "Not in the middle of a show."

"She's not thinking clearly," Ruby said. "I think she's gonna jump."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next have a trigger warning for self-harm and suicide. I'm gonna go ahead and spoil it for you that I promise you, nobody dies. Just as a "does the dog die" type thing. I wouldn't do that to you guys.


	40. Wolves and Witches

Katie wasn't visible to the audience from her perch up on the metal catwalk that made up the fly system, but when Chell finished her line and turned around she could see her instantly. This was particularly confusing because they weren't using the fly system, so Chell knew Katie wasn't meant to be up there.

Chell was just about to carry on with her lines when Max, Nick, and Ruby rushed onto the stage. This also wasn't supposed to happen. They crowded around beneath Katie as she stood gripping the metal railing which was the only thing preventing her from falling off.

Bradley didn't really understand what little he'd seen, but he immediately took the initiative and followed Katie onto the fly tower. Maybe everyone else was too afraid of being expelled to climb up there after her, but he wasn't. He stood back from a safe distance, hands up to show he wasn't a threat. He was glad for once that the stage wasn't miked. 

"Katie, don't do this," he said softly. "Just take my hand and come down from here. We can pretend none of this ever happened."

"No we can't," she sobbed. "Because it's happening. It's always happening. It never stops."

Ruby threw all caution to the wind. "Katie, can you hear me? I just want to talk."

"You just want to talk me out of it!" Katie shouted. "But it's too late for that! There's nothing anyone can do."

"I know it feels like that, but it's not true," Ruby insisted.

"Why are you trying so hard to help me all of a sudden?" she snapped. "None of you _ever_ payed this much attention to me before. So what is this? Pity? I'm just trying to get this over with, you know. I'm going to end this before this curse can hurt anyone else."

"I don't think this is part of the play," Crowley said.

"It's not," said Freya. "I don't know what's happening, but this isn't scripted."

"Maybe we should intervene," Aziraphale said.

"Agreed," said Maggie.

They left their seats and moved toward the stage carefully. The audience was unusually quiet. 

"Crowley?" Aziraphale whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Have you noticed that no one else has reacted to this?"

Crowley looked around. "Right. Ruby's frozen time again. That makes things simpler."

Apart from Aziraphale and Crowley, only Freya, Maggie, Miss Zima, Anathema, and Newt seemed to be able to move.

"You don't have to be a martyr, Katie," Ruby insisted. "Trust me, it's not fun. You shouldn't have to suffer for something that isn't your fault. Please, come down from there so we can talk. Wait, sorry, forgot who I'm talking to. Theatre people are so dramatic. Don't take that last direction literally. I don't mean come down like jump. I mean just like...calmly and slowly. Go with Bradley, he'll help you."

An old woman in the audience had been watching all this with mounting confusion. Up until this point, she'd enjoyed the play. But this was needlessly dark and seemingly out of nowhere. But it was at this moment that she realized what was happening.

"Katie?" she shouted, rising from her seat and rushing as fast as she could to the stage. "Katie, what are you doing?"

"I'm sorry, gran," Katie said. "I just can't do it anymore. This is too much. It ends with me."

Aziraphale and Crowley reached Ruby. "What are we looking at?" Crowley mumbled.

Ruby relaxed a tiny bit when she saw them. "I don't want to say the word...It sounds ridiculous..."

"What does?" asked Aziraphale. 

"...Werewolf?" Ruby replied timidly.

"Ah," nodded Aziraphale.

"Werewolf?" Newt hissed. "Seriously? That's what we're going with?"

"Right?" Ruby asked. "Werewolves don't exist. There's some other explanation, I'm just jumping to human conclusions. Right?" Her parents exchanged a glance which made her more nervous. " _Right_?"

"Of course they don't exist," Aziraphale stammered. "Well, not in the traditional sense. Not the way you're thinking."

"You've got to be kidding me," Ruby said.

"I'm sorry, did she say _werewolves?"_ Newt asked. "Seriously? That's what we're going with?"

"Cool," said Adam.

Ruby jumped. "Adam? Why aren't you frozen?"

"Someone get him off the stage," Anathema said. "He could get hurt."

"So you froze everyone on purpose this time?" Aziraphale said. "I'd wondered."

"I panicked," she admitted. "I was running out of time before my cue and this was too important. I decided to freeze everyone know didn't know."

"Who knew what?" Crowley asked.

"About me," she shrugged. "And about the situation, I guess? Bradley must've seen something backstage and that's why he's not frozen. I guess Chell must've too. I don't get Adam, though."

"He might just be immune," Crowley said. "Because of what he is."

Newt was trying to remove Adam from the stage.

"I'm not going anywhere!" Adam said. "I want to see the werewolf!"

"There's nothing to see," Ruby said. "I'm not letting any of you stare at her like some kind of freak." She turned to her parents. "Please. Explain this to me."

"It's not a full moon normally," Aziraphale said. "It's incredibly rare, actually. Lycanthropes are the product of curses. Curses that have been lost over the ages. I wasn't aware any still circulated."

"Next you'll be telling me that vampires are real," Ruby said nervously.

"Well no," he admitted. "Again, not in the traditional sense-"

"That's more of a blood magic thing," Wicca said. "Nasty bit of anti-aging stuff."

Ruby groaned. "Great. This is all great."

"Who are all these people?" Katie asked. "Get out of here! All of you! Leave me alone!"

"These are my dads," Ruby explained. "They might be able to help you. And if they can't, maybe my witch friends can."

"You should all get out of here," Katie sobbed. "If I transform fully, I won't be able to stop myself."

"Has this happened to you before?" Crowley asked. "Is this your first transformation?"

"No," said Katie's grandmother. "We start being able to transform around puberty. It's why it's so important to keep our moods regulated. Too much extreme emotion can make us lose control."

"Have you..." Aziraphale struggled to suggest it. "Killed before?"

Katie was finding it difficult to answer but finally shook her head.

"I keep her in the house most of the time," her grandmother said. "It's easier to control that way. Katie, dear...Did you take your medication today?"

Katie shook her head again. "I'm sorry. This is all my fault. I'm so stupid. I thought I didn't need the pills anymore. I was feeling better."

"What were you taking?" Maggie asked. "I'm a licensed therapist, maybe I could make sense of it."

"Wolfsbane?" Adam offered.

"Risperdal," Katie's grandmother said. "She was on Lithium for a while, but it-"

"Fucked me up," Katie said. "Lithium just didn't work on me like it was supposed to."

"Ah," Maggie said, as it clicked. "What normally triggers the transformations, Katie?"

"I dunno...When I'm upset, I guess?"

"Maybe more when you're having a manic episode?"

Ruby glanced at Maggie when she realized what she was suggesting. "Oh."

"Oh what?" Crowley asked. "What am I missing here?"

"That's a very specific cocktail of meds," Maggie said. "Normally treatment for..."

"Bipolar disorder," Katie said. "Go ahead. Poke fun at the bipolar werewolf."

"Not sure that's in our best interest, actually," Nick said. 

Katie convulsed again. "It's getting worse. I don't think I can stop it. You all need to leave."

Selwyn had been watching this from the tech booth and took the microphone. "Guys, is this for real? Are we all safe? Should we be like evacuating?"

"Everyone's perfectly safe as long as they're frozen!" Aziraphale assured her. "We're technically operating in a parallel dimension that runs faster than the one they're in. That's how this all works."

"Can you freeze me?" Selwyn asked. "I'm sorry, I know I should be braver, but werewolves? That's just too much."

"I can throw in a memory wipe too, if you like," Aziraphale said.

"That won't be necessary."

"Would anyone else like to be frozen or have a memory wipe?"

"No," Ruby insisted. "No memory wipes. They're entitled to know what they need to know to protect themselves."

"And we're staying," Max said. "She's on my crew."

"We're not abandoning her," added Nick.

"No way," said Chell.

"You can have a memory wipe if you really need one, Selwyn," said Ruby. "But I'm not gonna take this from you. I promised you the day we met that I wouldn't mess with your mind."

"I don't want to lose the memory," Selwyn said. "I'm just a coward. I'm sorry. I can't cope with this. Hell Week stress, I can do. But not this."

Ruby turned to Aziraphale. "Freeze her. But _no_ memory wipe."

He nodded and snapped his fingers. Selwyn froze instantly.

"We need to keep Katie calm," Maggie said.

"Might be a little late for that," said Freya. "Could we give her one of my Klonopin?"

"I don't like it..." Maggie said. "That's prescribed for you."

"I haven't had a panic attack in years," Freya said. "This looks sort of like the magic version of a panic attack. Do you think it will help?"

Maggie stared at her and weighed the options. "I don't like the idea of giving unprescribed benzos to a minor." She turned back to Katie. "Do you have a regular therapist? Someone I can contact?"

"A therapist?" Katie laughed bitterly. "I just get meds. What kind of therapist specializes in werewolf issues? They'd lock me up, then we'd all be in trouble."

"Fair point," Maggie said. She locked eyes with Freya, who was still looking for some kind of confirmation. "Fine," she said. "But only because you take such a small dose. And it sounds to me like she's not on anything it could interact with."

"Alright," Freya said, reaching into her bag. "Bradley, if you come down to the foot of the stairs, I'll give you a bottle. Katie, I'm sending some meds up with Bradley. I need you to take one, alright? Just one. And try to stay calm."

"Right," Katie said. "Because I was trying to be a basket case before."

"Can you cure her?" Ruby asked. "Aziraphale, there must be something you can do?"

"I'm afraid not," Aziraphale said. "Healing requires a general knowledge of what exactly is affected. I have no idea what kind of curse was used to create this effect. I could just as easily kill her as cure her."

"We might have to put her down," Crowley said softly. "If she becomes a danger."

"She won't," Ruby said. "Don't talk like that."

"I won't let you be in danger," he said.

"I'm practically immortal," she said. "You're probably in more danger than I am. So don't use me as an excuse. Now fan out. I need one of you on each side in case this goes south."

They nodded. Aziraphale moved stage left and Crowley moved stage right.

But Katie wasn't willing to wait for the medication to arrive. She climbed on top of the railing.

"Katie, no!" Nick shouted. "Don't jump!"

"You don't have to do this!" shouted Max.

"You're all just scared of me," Katie sobbed. "You know I'm a freak now, so you're scared of me."

"That's not true," said Chell. "You're our friend. We don't want you to get hurt."

"We can all be a little scary sometimes," Ruby said. "Just because you can get a little dangerous sometimes doesn't mean you don't deserve help."

"I can't control it, Ruby," Katie said. "You don't know what this is like. This is exactly why gran didn't want to let me do stuff like this. She didn't want to send me to a proper school or let me be around lots of people. I can be set off by anything. I could hurt someone."

"I don't know exactly what that's like, no," Ruby admitted. "But I do know something about having a power you never asked for that you can't control. My parents were terrified about sending me to school after what happened to me. I get set off too easy and I could really hurt someone if I'm not careful. It's not easy, but it's getting easier. Just like it'll get easier for you. I know how scary it is. How _lonely_ it is. You have this secret that you can't tell anyone about because it could put you and the people you care about in danger - not to mention endanger whoever knows. But you don't have to live like this. There are better ways. You _can_ learn how to control this thing inside you. I'm not saying the pain will go away, but you have to choose to control it or it will control you. I can help you. But not unless you come down from there. Because this...this isn't the way. Believe me, I know what it feels like to not be able to see a way out. I know you feel trapped and hopeless, but you have people who will help you if you let them. I know what it feels like to have a complicated life and just want to end it and have it be over with, but believe me dying makes things way more complicated. So come down from there. Please."

Katie swallowed hard. "I'm sorry." She climbed over the railing and plummeted to the ground before Bradley could reach her. Her grandmother screamed from the audience as she realized what was happening. Chell and Lethe screamed as well.

Aziraphale and Crowley unfurled their wings, but Ruby was a little bit faster. She leapt into the sky like a great cat and caught Katie mid-flight.

Ruby would swear later that she could hear the humans' jaws drop.

"Woah," Bradley said.

"Let me go!" Katie screamed. "Let me go, let me go!"

"Not a chance!" Ruby shouted.

But Katie managed to overpower her and sent Ruby tumbling over backwards. Aziraphale caught Ruby before she could hit the ground, but they both landed in a heap of wings.

Katie fell to the floor with a dull thud.

Crowley ran to Ruby as well. "Ruby, are you alright?"

"Get off me!" she snapped. "Why didn't you catch her?" She crawled as fast as she could to Katie's side. The fall had only been a few feet, so the werewolf was only mildly concussed and bruised. One of her legs was twisted at a funny angle. Ruby guessed it was broken.

"The fall wasn't enough," Katie managed to choke out. "It wasn't enough..." 

Ruby would swear later that it happened in slow motion. Katie raised a claw to her neck and sliced it open.

Ruby knelt next to her. "This isn't happening, you hear me? You're not going anywhere, you understand? I won't let you."

Katie's grandmother finally made it onto the stage. "Katie? Katie?"

"Stay back!" Crowley cautioned. "You need to let us help her."

Ruby didn't know how she knew what to do, but she put her hands over the wound and a beam of white light flowed from her palms. The wound began to close up.

"Oh my god," said Max.

"Oh my Ruby," said Crowley.

Ruby slowly realized what she'd done. "Woah," she said. "I didn't mean to do that."

But the trouble was only just beginning. Katie's wounds were closed, but she opened her mouth and coughed a stream of blood.

"No," Ruby whispered. "No, I fixed it. You're not doing this, I fixed it." She glanced over her shoulder tearfully. "Dad, I need help! Please!"

Aziraphale moved to kneel before them.

"I'm useless," Ruby said. "I can't do anything right."

"That's not true," Aziraphale said. "You did brilliantly. You healed the external wound. You didn't know to visualize the blood vessels and muscles to repair the internal damage."

"Maybe I should let you do it-"

"No, I'm going to teach you how to do it," he said. "Keep doing what you're doing. Let me help you. We'll do it together."

Aziraphale placed his hands over hers and an even brighter glow came from them and shot straight onto Katie's exposed neck. Katie's breathing began to slow and stabilize.

Freya timidly approached. "Here," she said. "Give her one of these." She held out a small white pill.

Ruby took it. "I'm gonna give you something to make this easier, okay?" she said. Katie didn't respond, so Ruby went ahead and dropped it into her mouth. Now they only had time to wait.

The old woman cautiously approached then dropped to her knees and threw her arms around her grandchild. "I think you'd better explain," she said. "What have you done to her?"

"Saved her life, from the looks of it," said Nick.

"Did you know she wasn't taking her medicine?" Ruby asked.

"I knew she was acting like she wasn't," the old woman said.

"Her friends," said Nick.

"I'm Ruby," said Ruby. "These are my parents, Aziraphale and Crowley. And my sister, Anathema. She's a witch."

"I'm Freya Devlin," said Freya. "I teach Katie. So does Sibella." She nodded at Miss Zima.

"The three of us are witches too," explained Maggie.

"No kidding?" said Chell.

"And you?" the old woman said. "Who are you?"

"Me?" Newt said. "I'm nobody, really."

"He's my boyfriend," Anathema said. "Newton."

"I'm not a witch," he said.

"We've been to many witches," the grandmother said. "None of them helpful. So what do you want?"

"I don't understand," Anathema said.

"To keep quiet. We'll move towns again, I knew it was a risk letting her out..."

"We're not going to tell anyone," Ruby said. "Right? I mean I know my people aren't, but I need reassurances from the actual humans in the room."

"Who would believe us?" Bradley asked.

"What he means to say is, we won't tell anyone," Nick said. "She's always nice. We wouldn't do anything to hurt her."

"Newt?" Ruby asked.

"Hm? Oh, I won't say anything," Newt assured her. "I'm a retired Witch Finder, not a Werewolf Finder. Your secret's safe with me."

"What's happening here?" Miss Zima asked. "It might help for us to understand what we've stumbled onto, Mrs...?"

"Please, call me Gertrude," the old lady said. "The women in our family are cursed, going back generations. I was orphaned at birth at the foot of a nunnery. The nuns were given specific instructions to keep me inside. When I got old enough, I received the journals of every woman in my family, going back to my great-great-great grandmother detailing the ways each of them had tried to manage the curse. None of them were particularly successful."

"How did this all start?" asked Aziraphale. "Take us back to the beginning."

"M great-great-great grandmother ran afoul of a particularly jealous man," the old woman explained. "When she spurned his advances, he paid a witch to curse her. From that moment on, any woman in our family is cursed to transform when experiencing emotional distress."

"And you tried to get it lifted before?" Miss Zima said. "Any curse should be able to be lifted by the original caster."

"This man went so far as to kill the witch after the curse was laid."

"Ah," Crowley said. "Covering all bases then."

"He destroyed her cottage along with any records of what he'd done. He wanted to make sure there was no way to break the curse."

"You said you grew up in a nunnery," said Aziraphale. "Why did you leave?"

Her expression darkened. "A new nun came to be in charge. She thought my affliction was a simple matter of performing an exorcism. So I fought back. My first true transformation. I killed them all. Went to a new town. Started over. I thought I could keep to myself, live out my penance alone. But then I met him. I'd heard that the curse could be passed to whoever we mated with, but I didn't believe. I thought that was the nuns trying to shame me into celibacy. I was a fool."

"So you passed it on?" Bradley asked. "To the person, you, uh..."

"That's cruel," Ruby said. "I mean the curse. Who puts that into the contract?"

"It makes sense," Crowley said bitterly. "It's not a true punishment on the women if you don't also give them crushing guilt for taking any joy out of life."

"The men don't know how to handle the curse," Gertrude said heavily. "They don't grow up with it, so it's not natural to them. They tend to become violent and uncontrollable. I had to kill my husband while we were still on our honeymoon. I found out I was pregnant shortly after. I said I wouldn't make the same mistake with my daughter, and locked her in the house. I wouldn't let her go anywhere. I never told her about the curse, I just told her we couldn't go outside. So she rebelled. She went out and found a man when she was Katie's age. Transferred the curse to him."

"Then they had Katie," Ruby guessed. "God, I can't imagine anything worse than being a teenage girl with lycanthropy. Periods must suck."

Gertrude nodded. "I thought the same thing, until Katie came of age to begin transforming. You see, her father had Bipolar Disorder. It's a manageable thing, you know, you just have to keep at it. But she's also a teenage girl. And a werewolf."

Ruby remembered the way her biological mother had acted in the months before her death. "You're right. That's worse."

"Her father stayed alive longer than most," Gertrude said. "They found a way to manage the condition. Or so they thought. They experimented with drugs. They found that heroine was particularly good at stopping the urge to transform. But they started needing more and more of it. They overdosed when Katie was six years old."

"Right in front of me," Katie muttered, a few tears leaking from her eyes. "They overdosed right in front of me."

"I know, pet," Gertrude whispered. She cleared her throat and addressed the room again. "I vowed I'd do better with Katie. Obviously locking us inside doesn't help. So I gave her all the information. Tried to find as many ways to make it easier for her as possible. She told me she wanted to do makeup and costumes for theatre and I knew it would be risky, but I couldn't keep her locked away. I reasoned that as long as she was medicated, she'd be fine. She could go to school, be normal, then come home. No slumber parties, no late outings. She needed very little opportunity for upset. She knows the risks and how to be safe. She doesn't even date, poor thing. It's not like I'm trying as hard to keep her away from boys as I did with her mother, she just never brings anyone home."

"Because of the curse," Katie said. "I can't pass it on. I just want someone to love me without killing them."

"Oh," Nick breathed. "I'm so sorry. I didn't understand."

"What?" Ruby asked.

"You said it didn't matter that I'm gay," he explained. "You said we could work it out."

"I just want someone to love me," she admitted. "I thought maybe you could, but you'd also be safe because we wouldn't..."

"Katie, I'm so sorry," he said. "You deserve better than that."

"You do," Ruby said. "I'll find you a way out of this. I promise you that. You didn't ask for this. None of you did."

"There's no cure," Gertrude said. "We've tried everything."

"That doesn't mean we can't try to find one," Miss Zima said. "Katie is a good student and a very bright girl. She doesn't deserve to be alone in this."

"Maybe there's like a mystical medication," said Maggie. "Something that will get rid of transformations altogether."

"Or a magical prophylactic?" Freya offered. "I saw that one a TV show one time."

Ruby and Nick exchanged a look because they both knew exactly which one she was talking about.

"A magical antiviral might help," said Bradley as he reached them on the main floor. "You know, like, something to block it so it at least can't infect anyone. Like magical PrEP." He blinked. "I can't believe I just said that like that's a normal thing to say. Twenty minutes ago I didn't think any of this existed and now..."

"You'd really be willing to help us?" Gertrude asked.

"We'll move heaven and earth," Aziraphale promised.

Katie wiped her eyes. "What about the show? It must go on, right? We can't be back here this long, we'll ruin opening night."

"We'll just have to cancel," Max said. "You're in no shape."

"No, you can't be serious!" Katie protested. "There's no way I'm letting you cancel for me! I almost ruined the show because I wasn't thinking clearly. And now I am. We've come too far! We worked so hard on the sign language!"

"Thank you for that, by the way," said Miss Zima. "It means a lot."

"Katie, I appreciate it," said Max. "But there's no way. It's too last minute for us to move people around to cover all those parts."

"It's not," said Ruby. Everyone stared at her. "Look, I feel weird about going on with everything that's happened too, but if Katie wants us to go on then we do have an option."

"Which is?" asked Max.

She turned to Bradley. "You still want to help?"

"No," Nick said. "No way."

"I'll do anything," Bradley said.

"He can't just swagger in here like the big hero," Nick said. "Like he's not the one who screwed us in the first place."

"I know and I'm sorry," Bradley said. "But I'm here now. And I can help."

"We can all go back to our original parts," Ruby said. "Chell and Bradley as narrators like they're supposed to be. Then I can take the witch, enchantress, and Cinderella. I guess we also need a last minute Red Riding Hood, so I can take her too."

"It's workable," Max said. "But we're just going to switch characters halfway through act 2?"

"No," Ruby said. "My dads are going to reverse time. We're going to go back to an hour before the show and do it again. But only if everyone feels up to it."

"Would we lose our memories?" said Nick. 

"No," Ruby said. "Everyone who was back here with us will remember all of this, unless they don't want to."

"You can do that?" Nick asked. "Just, like, time travel?"

"Not in the way you're thinking," Aziraphale replied. "We can only reverse time 24 hours in a pinch. Anything longer than that is impossible because there are too many variables."

"So an hour is nothing," Crowley said. "If you want to do this."

"I can't go on," Katie said. "But Quinn doesn't want you to do this play. It would make me so happy if we got it all the way to festival. Please?"

Max considered it. "We have to all be unanimous on this. What do we think?"

"Everything in its right place," Ruby said. "That's how I see it."

"I'm in," Bradley said. "I want to make this right."

"I'm in," said Chell. "But I have a _lot_ of questions for the cast party."

"Nick?" Ruby said. "What about you?"

He finally sighed. "Well someone's gotta tell Selwyn what's happening, haven't they? Poor thing's frozen in her booth all by herself..."

Ruby smiled with relief.

"You're all sure about this?" Crowley asked. "You just want to go back and do it all over again? Aren't you exhausted?"

"I'm actually sort of wired," Ruby admitted. "I've got all this energy that I don't know what to do with."

"We're theatre people," said Max.

"Two shows a night is nothing," agreed Nick.

"You're all insane," Crowley said. "Theatre people are insane. But alright. If this is what you want."

...

Ruby helped get Katie settled on the sofa in the dressing room backstage. Katie started laughing.

Ruby couldn't help but smile. "Good meds, huh?"

"It's not that," Katie said. "Just thinking about Hamlet."

"And that's...funny?"

"Sort of. I always related to Hamlet, but I didn't know why. Then you said all that stuff about him being bipolar in class and it clicked for me. Made perfect sense."

...

Nick lingered in the wings and waited for time to reverse itself.

"I'm still not talking to you," Nick said under his breath. "So if you're doing all this just to get on my good side, just know that this changes nothing."

Bradley was stung, but also infuriated. "Sorry, did you miss the part where Katie is a werewolf and almost _died?_ And Ruby's apparently not human either and has magical healing powers? Look around you! Time's _frozen_. But sure, this is all boiling down to our petty relationship drama. Thanks for thinking so little of me."

Nick realized the validity of his point but refused to back down. "I'm just having a little trouble believing anything you do right now. How am I supposed to trust you?"

"Come on, Nick, we're friends-"

Nick scoffed. "We're not friends, Bradley. We're two completely different people from two different worlds. I was just convenient for you. I like you, I do, but you don't have your priorities straight. You just do whatever you're told. I told you before - you're either with them or you're with us. You can't have it both ways. Just go get ready. Once this time thing's sorted, you need to be ready to go on. I still don't think you should, by the way. We changed the blocking, now we do sign language-"

"I noticed. And I know sign language. My gran was deaf, remember?"

When Bradley walked away, Nick noticed two people who were trying hard not to overhear.

"It'll be any minute now," Crowley assured him. "We're just waiting for the signal from Ruby."

Aziraphale evidently was having trouble keeping something to himself. "Couldn't help but overhear-"

"Yes we could," Crowley said. "Which means it's none of our business and we should keep our mouths shut."

"I'm not offering advice, Crowley, I'm just trying to be helpful," Aziraphale assured him. "I just want to say that trust is something that needs to be built, but it can't be if you're resisting it. Maybe this young man has something that needs apologizing for, but he won't be able to make it up to you if you won't let him."

"He abandoned us," Nick said. "Sided with the bad guys."

"Happens more than you think," Crowley grumbled. "Anyway, don't listen to us. I'm sure you've got more important things to get on with..."

"Nick," he finished for him.

He could see the dawning comprehension on both of their faces. "Oh," Aziraphale said. "Yes of course."

"You were the mad scientist at the haunted house," Crowley said. "I didn't recognize you without the costume."

"You're Ruby's dads, right?" Nick said. "Or should I say 'parents'? She said you were genderless..."

"Eh, that's right," Crowley said. 

"You're the one who called my wife a 'DILF'?" Aziraphale asked.

Nick was suddenly embarrassed. "Ruby told you that?"

"Should've said MILF instead," said Chell as she passed by. "From the looks of it. Nice dress."

"Can you guys _please_ stop hitting on my dads?" Ruby asked as she emerged from the dressing room. "They're more than 6000 years old!"

"There you are!" Aziraphale said.

"I was making sure Katie's alright," Ruby said. "She's in no state for anything. We'll get her set up in the audience when we reboot this mess."

"And how are you?" Aziraphale asked. "How are you feeling? If this has placed too much strain on you, we don't have to go through with it tonight."

"Bit tired and shaky, actually," Ruby asked. "That healing thing took a lot out of me. I still don't even know how I knew to do that..."

He smiled fondly. "Call it instinct. I'm actually quite proud of you."

"Me? Why?"

"As if you don't know." He smoothed her hair away from her face. "You don't feel feverish. You're actually a bit clammy."

"How's your heart rate?" Nick asked. "Assuming you've got a heart..."

"You know I don't," she shot back. She turned back to Aziraphale. "Actually, it hasn't stopped racing yet."

"Sounds like you might have low blood sugar," Nick said. "Are you feeling hungry?"

"I am, actually," she admitted. "But I just ate before the show."

"You expended a lot of energy," Aziraphale said. "Fascinating. Your energy deficit manifests as low blood sugar. Your human side is-"

"Inconvenient?" she offered.

He smiled. "I was going to say quite remarkable. Here, let me help you." He reached into the pocket of his coat. "I must confess I smuggled in a few concessions." He handed over a few cookies and a thermos of hot chocolate.

She smiled warmly at him. "Thanks, dad."

"We'll be able to eat at the cast party after," Nick said. "But if you need me to run out and get you a milkshake or a four course dinner-"

Ruby smiled. "I'll be fine. This'll hold me over."

"Can I ask?" said Crowley. "The inspiration for that voice you were using for the narrator..." He glanced at Aziraphale.

Ruby couldn't help but grin. "Sounds like you don't need to ask." She took a swig of the hot chocolate as Maggie exited the dressing room. "How is she?"

"Resting," Maggie said. "Try not to crowd her. Honestly, I don't feel good about giving her a benzo-"

"I don't see what other choice we had," Ruby said.

"I still don't think it was entirely ethical," Maggie said.

"Okay, so don't crowd her, got it," Ruby said. "What's next?"

"Well," Maggie said. "Ideally after a suicide attempt-"

"Don't call it that," Nick winced.

Maggie smiled kindly. "After an incident like this, we'd put the patient under at least 48 hour watch. Problem is-"

"Finding a werewolf-friendly facility?" Chell asked.

Maggie nodded. "Exactly. None of the normal safeguards are at all ideal for her condition."

"We can watch her," Ruby said. "Keep an eye on her at school or whatever."

"Ruby," Maggie said. "You're children. You're not trained to be able to handle this sort of thing. This shouldn't be all on you. We adults really dropped the ball back there. I should've been talking her off the ledge, not you. I'm sorry, I froze. I've never had an active suicide attempt in front of me before."

"How are you dealing with this, Ruby?" Crowley asked. 

"I'm fine," she lied.

He and Aziraphale knew better than that. "I know it brought up a lot of things you try not to think about," Crowley said. "You'd be forgiven for being a little shaken up."

"I'm fine, guys," she said. "Really. Don't worry about me. You should get on with stitching time back together."

"One of these days, we'll have to teach you how to do it," said Aziraphale. "You'll have to learn to clean up after yourself at some point."

Ruby turned to her assembled group of thespians. "You guys are being weirdly cool with all this," she said. "Don't get me wrong, I appreciate it, but I expected a lot more questions that I don't know how to answer."

"I mean, I already sort of knew some of it," said Nick. "The wings are new, though. I mean, wow. Points for aesthetic."

"So you're not going to grill me with a million questions?"

He shrugged. "We're English. We usually just pretend we didn't see anything that contradicts our world-view then politely make small-talk."

"Speak for yourself, white boy," Chell grumbled. "In my experience, the English are _very_ nosy about your personal business. The minute they meet you, they're all 'what are you'."

"Tell me about it," agreed Max.

"I'll tell you what I can," Ruby said. "But maybe later. I'm sort of not in the mood to get into it."

"That's fair," Chell said. "But that was incredible back there. I really mean it."

"We won't tell anyone," Nick promised. "It's like I said before: You can come out when you're ready."

"So you're not gonna sell me to the first angry mob you get your hands on?" Ruby asked. "Or at least exploit me for medical research?"

"We're your friends," Max said. "I'm almost insulted you'd think we'd do something like that. We stick together. Protect our own."

"Though, from the looks of it, I'd say you don't really need protecting," said Chell.

"You're my friends?" she asked. "Really? Even after finding out I'm some kind of freak?"

"Especially after finding out you're a freak," Chell said. "I mean, what are we if not a band of freaks?"

"I thought we went over this already," Nick said. "We're your friends. Did you think we were lying?"

She shrugged. "I dunno. I thought maybe you were just using me to get to meet Anathema. Or maybe it was convenient for the play or something."

Nick's eyes widened. "Oh my god, was that her?" he asked. "I was so wrapped up in the werewolf stuff that I didn't notice! Was that _the_ Anathema Device?"

"Yeah," Ruby said. "She came to see the play."

Anathema poked her head out of the dressing room, where she'd been huddled with Katie and her grandmother. "Did someone say my name?"

"Oh my god, she's even hot in real life!" Chell said. "I told you she would be."

"Yeah, yeah, we all know my sister's weirdly hot," Ruby said. "We try not to dwell on it."

"She's really your sister?" Max asked. "She looks nothing like you."

"It's more of a distant relation," Anathema explained. "The smallest drop of blood."

"We're big fans of the podcast, Miss Device," Nick said.

"You told them about the podcast?" Anathema smiled. "That sort of defeats the purpose of that stage name you insisted on, doesn't it?"

"I didn't tell them," Ruby insisted. "They found it on their own then figured it out."

"Clever kids," she said.

...

Ruby found Adam sitting by himself backstage. "There you are," she said. "We've been looking for you. We're about to reset. You alright?"

"Fine," he said. "Just thinking. How long have you had magic?"

"Not long," she admitted. "But since before I met you."

"And everyone's just okay with that?" he asked. "Like people still wanna be your friend? Even if you're dangerous and scary sometimes?"

"I guess so," she said. "Why do you ask?"

"I was dangerous and scary for a while," he admitted.

"Right," she said. "I heard bits and pieces about it. None of the people I talk to really know exactly what happened, though."

"My friends would," Adam said. "If I let them. I scared them and they didn't want to be my friend anymore. So after everything was over, I took their memories of it. I don't want them to remember me that way. If they did, they wouldn't want to be my friend anymore."

"You can't know that," Ruby said. "I've thought the same thing about myself a million times, but people keep proving every day that they still like me. It can be the same for you. You just have to trust your friends. But if you do decide to give them their memories back, maybe do it slowly. Human minds are so fragile. They're not like us."

"I just want to be who the world thinks I am," he said. "I want to be Adam Young. Perfectly normal kid with perfectly normal parents. I don't want any of this antichrist stuff. It's not like he ever cared about me til he needed something from me. I'd rather forget everything I know about where I really came from."

"I can relate to that, kid. But you know what I've found? That sometimes remembering the bad bits makes you appreciate the good bits even more. I know not to take my dads for granted, because the people who had me before were so terrible. It doesn't matter where we really came from. As far as I'm concerned, I'm Ruby Fell and you're Adam Young. We are who we want to be."

He nodded. "That makes sense. Thanks."

"Don't mention it," she said. "No really, don't. I've got a reputation as a heartless monster to uphold." She nodded back toward the wings. "Now come on. We're gonna reset time."

...

Time reset and they all found themselves back where they'd been before the show began. Chell glanced at her watch. "It's 8:55 again."

"This is literally the most insane thing that has ever happened to me," Nick said. "Cool."

"So we just start over?" Chell said. "Tell the story from scratch?"

"That's the Brothers Grimm Spectaculathon for you," said Bradley as he joined them backstage. "Start from the top, do it from scratch."

"Alright," Max said. "Five minutes?"

"Thank you, five," said the assembled actors in unison.

"So nobody else knows what just happened?" Nick asked.

"They shouldn't," said Ruby. She flagged down one of their few stage hands. "Excited to run the show again?" she asked.

"Again?" the stage hand said. "We haven't opened yet and you're already talking about again? Love the confidence, but don't jinx it."

He walked away and Ruby turned to her friends.

"Mental," Nick said.

"Right?" said Ruby.

...

The audience took their seats. 

"Good thinking, Miracleing all the playbills to show the new cast list," Crowley said.

"Well I didn't want people to be confused when they looked at the playbill and saw the cast on stage was organized completely different," Aziraphale said. "But do you want to know something?" He held up his copy. "I kept mine in the original style. We should never forget how good Ruby was as the lead or how much she gave up to save her friend tonight."

"I don't think she gave up all that much," Crowley said. "I know she had fun doing the narration, but she always wanted to just be the Witch. That's where she's happiest. But I take your point. I'm glad we have copies of both."

The lights came up on the same set from before, except this time Ruby's part was played by Chell and Chell's part was played by Bradley. Chell was now dressed very prim and proper in muted colors and was wearing prop glasses. Bradley had on a plaid shirt and jeans.

They ran through the stories exactly as before, and as much as they'd all enjoyed the show the first time around, they had to admit that something about this felt more natural.

Ruby's first role was the enchantress in the Rapunzel story.

"So I just sit in my tower, right?" asked Rapunzel, whose actress had no idea that she'd already performed this bit earlier in the night.

"Right," said Ruby.

"Why?"

Ruby shrugged. "No reason," she said. "Probably I'm just bored. I could also be acting out for a bad childhood. Or, the feminist interpretation would be that being a woman is a dead-end field in our society, and that putting you in a tower, which itself is a phallic symbol, symbolizes that there is no escape from womanhood in the universe. All that matters about you is your hair, which in turn is a highway for the masculine force of our patriarchal society to enter and take possession of you. For, as a woman, a possession is all you are."

"Riiiiight," said Rapunzel slowly.

Ruby smiled. "I wrote a paper on it in college." Her face darkened. "I got a B+ because I was _discriminated against."_

They moved through the story to the part where the enchantress discovers that Rapunzel has met a prince.

"I kept you here to protect you, don't you see?" Ruby asked. "From all those horrible men out there! And from bad influences on television and morning radio programs where all they talk about are bodily functions and getting wasted last night! That's why you're home schooled! Because modern society is horrible, darling. And if you go out there and hear a bad word or see something suggestive you're going to fall apart and live the rest of your life strung out on drugs and riding on the back of some guy named Tank's harley! Don't you see? I did it for you!"

Aziraphale and Crowley could feel that on some degree, Ruby felt personally invested in delivering this monologue. She understood this villain, because she'd lived before as the victim of this story. But they could feel a different meaning too. They knew she was thinking about Katie.

"Oh," Rapunzel said. "You're trying to protect me from the real world. I get it now."

"See?" Ruby said. "It's because I love you that I keep you locked away in a tower and don't let anyone near you. I don't want to see you make the same mistakes that I did, so I'm taking away any possibility that you make any decisions whatsoever. It's called parenting. Your parents would have done the same thing if I didn't steal you from them."

"Yeah, my real parents were jerks," Rapunzel admitted.

They moved on to Hansel and Gretel, and this time Crowley didn't even think to complain about the audience participation bits. Ruby had made sure that Chell did her audience participation bit with Hansel's death to Newt. Ruby played the witch.

Eventually they made it to act two. Bradley did Chell's monologue about the old man to Aziraphale, just like Ruby had asked. This time, Aziraphale didn't complain. The frog prince scene had gone off without a hitch, since Katie had only been moved into the role after they'd moved everyone around to cover Bradley's absence. Now that things were back to normal, Katie was back to being just the makeup girl.

They had a lot of fun with it. Max was pulled from the audience at one point to pretend to be a random audience member for a bit. Nick excelled as a Crab Person, the Dwarf that took over the role of Snow White, and the actor who ended up doing Cinderella all by himself. Selwyn even had lines over the loudspeaker that she achieved using a voice changing app so she could play a giant at one point and God during another.

But before they could get to Cinderella...

Ruby donned a red cape and came on stage as Little Red Riding Hood. There were two versions of this scene in the script - an edited one and an alternate ending. They thought the alternate ending was funnier, so they picked that one. In the alternate ending, Little Red Riding Hood pulled a gun on the wolf and cursed out a string of expletives that were bleeped out by Selwyn's carefully placed sound effects. Ruby used a Boston accent for comedic effect.

The Narrators eventually tried to end the play, but were interrupted by Ruby in a flowing blonde wig.

"Ahem," she said in a prissy American accent. "Aren't you forgetting something?"

"Don't think so," said Bradley. But the look on his and Chell's faces made it very clear that they knew exactly what she was talking about. 

They ran through the list of things that they'd covered before finally having to begrudgingly admit that they had, in fact, been intentionally trying to skip this scene. From the way they were acting, it was made clear that they didn't really like Ruby's character very much.

"There once was an orphan girl," said Bradley.

Ruby pirouetted across the stage dramatically with her hand pressed to her forehead as she peered into the spotlight. "Oh I am orphaned!" she said in an imitation of the worst acting possible. "Oh I am sad!"

She continued in this mockery of bad, over the top acting for all of Cinderella's scenes except for the ones where the actor was talking.

But it turned out that the catering backstage was bad, so it was announced that there weren't enough actors to do the scene. Bradley said they'd just have to skip it. Ruby was immediately enraged.

"No!" she protested. "We're not skipping it!"

"Well how many actors do we have left?" Bradley asked.

Nick shrugged. "Just me."

Ruby advanced on him threateningly. "Now you listen to me, you little reject from Nickelodeon! This is my chance to be a star! We're going to tell my story, I'm going to get a full-length feature film out of it, and you are going to make me look good! Got it? Or I will tear out your tiny heart and use it as a chew toy for my half-chihuahua half-doberman mix!"

It had been a while since they'd done this scene with Ruby as Cinderella, so Nick had almost forgotten how genuinely scary she was. He carried on with the scene, where it was his job to play all the parts in Cinderella except Cinderella herself. It was actually pretty funny.

But then Cinderella found out there was no fairy godmother in the original story. She quit, leaving Nick to tell the rest of the story. She returned eventually to finish out the scene, and soon after that, the show ended. All the actors came out on stage to do their bows, then gestured to the lighting booth to get some applause for Selwyn in the lighting booth. Then they exited.

...

Ruby fanned herself as she exited after curtain call. Her makeup and the lights was making her feel itchy and overheated, but despite how sweaty and gross she felt, she felt better than ever.

"I can't believe we pulled that off!" she laughed. "I'm like actually beat. But like amped at the same time? It's such a rush! I want to feel this way all the time!"

"Welcome to theatre," Nick grinned. "You're hooked now, whether you like it or not."

...

They met Katie in the audience. "It was really good, guys. Sorry I freaked out."

"I'm just glad you liked it," Ruby said. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," she said. "Really kinda loopy, but better."

"Chell!" said a brunette in her forties who was accompanied by a balding man. "Wonderful performance! Absolutely smashing! Speaking role for once!"

"Yeah, mum," Chell said awkwardly. "Told you it would be."

"We knew you had it in you if you put your mind to it," said the man.

"Yep, so did I," said Chell.

Ruby just stared. "These are your parents?"

"Yep," said Chell.

"I didn't realize they were..." She tried to think of a tactful way to say it.

"White?" Chell offered.

"Yeah."

"Didn't I tell you I'm adopted?" Chell said.

They were joined by a towering woman. "An excellent performance, Mckenna. Exceptional in all ways."

Ruby wasn't sure who the woman was talking to until Max answered. "Thanks, mum. I try."

"I did notice on your playbill, you aren't listed under your name. Is there something wrong with the name you were given?"

"No, nothing wrong," Max said awkwardly. "I'm just trying something out. It seemed to work for this project."

"We will discuss this at home, yes?" Max's mother said.

Max nodded.

Nick changed the subject. "So who's up for a cast party while we wait to see if we're going to festival this year?"

"I definitely am," Ruby said. She spotted Bradley trying to slip away quietly. "Hey, you coming to the cast party or what?"

"I didn't know I was invited," he said, with a nervous glance at Nick.

Nick shrugged. "Do what you like."

Ruby's friends and family joined them.

"Really good play," Pepper said. "I liked it."

"It was very funny," Crowley admitted.

"Glad you liked it," Ruby said.

Aziraphale held out his playbill. "Miss Fell, could I have an autograph?" 

"If he's getting one, I want one too," teased Crowley.

She rolled her eyes. "Ha ha," she said. "Give 'em here." She took both playbills and flipped them open. She looked back up at them in shock. "You kept one?"

Aziraphale smiled. "Just a keepsake. So we never forget. So what's next?"

"We're gonna go to cast party while we wait," she said. "Freya says she'll get an email from the headmaster at some point after set strike."

"Maggie and I will go along so there's someone to pass on the news when we find out if we're going to festival," said Freya. "You're welcome to join us, Sibella."

"Can we come?" asked Aziraphale. "It would be nice to catch up a little with Sibella."

"I didn't realize you knee each other so well," Ruby said.

"Oh we go way back," Aziraphale said.

"You and Crowley are always welcome," Freya said. "Anathema and Newt can come too."

"We need to take these kids home," Newt said apologetically. "Another time, maybe."

"You coming, Katie?" Ruby asked.

"I'm a bit tired," Katie said apologetically. "See you at school tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Ruby said. "Sounds good. Hey listen...Stupid idea, but do you guys maybe wanna come over on Halloween? We're doing a thing. Nothing crazy. You don't have to."

"Halloween at the Fell house?" Nick said. "Count me in."

"And me," said Max.

"And me," said Chell.

"This I've gotta see," said Nick.

"What did I miss?" Selwyn asked.

"A lot," said Ruby. "We'll fill you in at the cast party. Oh also, you should come over for Halloween."

"Cool," Selwyn said.

"I'll think about it," said Katie. "See how I'm feeling on the day. I can't stay out too late."

"Sure," Ruby said. "Sounds good."

...

When they reached the restaurant, the adults sat at one table and the teenagers split up according to their usual cliques.

"I'm still curious," said Bradley. "Why not erase our memories? It's dangerous to have so many people know, right?"

"I can't mess with your minds," Ruby said. "You're entitled to your memories. They belong to you. Without them, you're defenseless."

"So Katie's really a werewolf?" Selwyn asked. "I'm so embarrassed that I had to ask to be frozen. I just felt myself about to have a panic attack-"

"No one blames you, Selwyn," Ruby said. "It was very stressful."

Selwyn eyed Ruby's shoulders. "I just can't believe I missed your wings. I mean that's real, right? You really have wings? Nick's not just saying that to mess with me?"

"It runs in the family," Ruby admitted. "By the way, anyone coming over from Halloween has to wear costumes. No exceptions."

"Like I was ever _not_ going to dress up," said Nick. 

"But hey, snaps for Ruby, right?" Max said. "The expert way she covered when Katie didn't come out for the Frog Prince scene."

"Almost hard to believe this is her first time on stage," Nick said. "With instincts like that, I mean."

"This is your first time on stage?" Chell asked.

Ruby shrugged.

"Blimey," Chell said. "You really know how to think on your feet, don't you?"

"You could say that," Ruby said.

"Max is right, though," Nick said. "I mean, we saw proof today that you think quick on your feet even when it's real life. So snaps for Ruby Fell, the Improv Queen."

He and the others began snapping their fingers.

"Stop," she grinned. "You don't have to do...whatever it is you're doing. What _are_ you doing?"

Chell laughed. "She really is new, isn't she?"

"Snaps are an alternative to clapping," said Nick. "Clapping is very loud and distracting, so theatre people sometimes do snaps instead."

"Okay," Ruby said. "Weird, but okay."

Freya received a message on her phone. "Guys!" she shouted. "I think this is it!"

Everyone crowded around her as she read it.

"Well?" Max said. "Did we make it to festival?"

"No," Freya said. "I'm so sorry. The headmaster said the play was very funny, but not up to standards for our end of term festival."

"Oh," Max said. 

"Seriously?" Nick said. "We went through all that, and we didn't even get in?"

"Nobody knows what we went through," Freya reminded him. 

"Should we call Katie and tell her?" Chell asked.

"Don't bother her tonight," said Ruby. "I'll tell her tomorrow."

...

Ruby got home and changed into her pajamas. She accepted one last mug of cocoa from Aziraphale before bed.

"I'm sorry it didn't work out for you," Aziraphale said. "You deserve more recognition. The amount of work you put in..."

Ruby smiled. "It's fine," she said. "We always sort of expected not to get in. It would've been nice to be proven wrong though. But after all, we still have our Shakespeare thing on Wednesday. With everything going on, it just feels really important that we should at least get recognized for that."

"We ordered the tape of the show," Crowley said.

"What did you do that for?"

"So we could have it forever," he said. "I also, eh, used a demonic miracle to get a copy of the partially completed show from the original timeline."

She laughed. "Why?"

"Because I'm proud of you," Crowley admitted. "You were so good up there. Maybe everyone else can forget the day my daughter was Narrator One, but I won't let us forget. So much for non-interference, though."

"Shut it," she protested.

"You know, it's funny," Aziraphale said. "I'm not sure that I've ever heard you mention Katie before today. You've mentioned everyone else at least once, but I don't remember that name. Clearly you care about her a great deal."

"I actually don't know her that well," Ruby admitted. "I've talked to her maybe a handful of times about costuming. That's it, really."

"Remarkable," Aziraphale said. "You went through all that for someone you hardly know."

"Don't start," she warned him.

"It's a very nice thing to do," he smiled. "Very kind."

"Shut uuuuup," she groaned. She got to her feet. "I'm going to bed."

"Hey Ruby?" Aziraphale said.

She stopped in the doorway as she heard his serious tone of voice. "Yeah?"

"Did you mean everything you said to Katie?" he asked. "About how you've felt the same way before? Like you wanted it all to end?"

She took a moment to collect her thoughts before forcing a smile and turning back to him. "Yeah, I guess?" she said. "But it was before I met you. The thought would come every so often, but I never did anything about it. But then I met you guys and got my will to live back. There's nothing more motivating to stay alive than having an all-powerful being tell you you're destined to die, you know?"

"I guess so," Aziraphale said. "We love you so much, Ruby. I hope you know that."

She nodded. "I do. And I love you too. But I'm going to go to bed. See you in the morning."

She left and they stared after her.

"Funny," Crowley said. "She wasn't lying."

"Until she was," Aziraphale finished for him.

"Just six words," Crowley said. "She was only lying for six words."

"But those words were 'I never did anything about it'," Aziraphale said. "That's what concerns me."

"Yeah," Crowley said. 

...

Max's mother was waiting at home.

"My little director," she said with a warm smile. "Do we have news?"

"We didn't get it," Max said. "We're not going to festival."

"Ah, such a shame. I'm sorry."

Max shrugged. "'S okay. We've still got Wednesday."

"We still need to talk about your name. And your hair. My sweet girl, what on God's Earth have you done to your beautiful hair?"

Max touched a hand to the short white-blonde strands. In all the excitement, Max had forgotten that mother didn't know. Max was always careful to wear a wig in her presence. "I was making a statement," Max said. "I'm gonna let it grow out."

"I just don't want you trying to be something you're not."

"I'm being myself. Trust me, I know what I'm doing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to let Ruby do this play because I was in it when I was 17. The problem was that the director wanted her young daughter to be in it, so she let kids who were far too young to be in it. This was also in the southern United States, so the parents complained. A lot of my best lines were struck because they were offending the parents. I was originally cast as the Witch/Enchantress, but got moved to being Narrator One after a parent pulled their kid from the show. I wanted to give Ruby a chance to do both parts and also have the chance to do two parts I never did - Red Riding Hood and Cinderella. 
> 
> There was a time during one of our live performances when the small child playing the Frog Prince was goofing off in the green room and missed his cue so I had to cover quickly. The audience never noticed, but I earned the title of the Improv Queen. I decided to make it werewolf drama in the story because that's much more dramatic.
> 
> Oh and as for Katie. She's meant to be having a mixed Bipolar episode where she's manic, but experiencing depressive symptoms. Feel free to tell me if I got it wrong, I'm just going on my experience with Bipolar people.


	41. Night Terror

The girl sprinted across the metal beams of the fly tower, her mud-encrusted boots beating out a frantic, tinny rhythm as her hands held tight to the railing. She was framed in shadows, but occasionally a beam of light from the rig would hit her hair - it alternated red then pink then red again.

Ruby could see her, but was powerless to help her. She could see Aziraphale and Crowley out of the corners of her eyes, flanking her on either side. Why weren't they doing anything?

"Come down from there," Ruby said. "Let's talk about this."

The girl stopped and gripped the railing with both hands as she looked down at Ruby. "I'm not going _anywhere_ with you!" she spat. 

"Just tell me what you want," Ruby said desperately.

The girl's lips trembled. "I want to go _home._ But I don't even know where that is. I've been running so long..."

"I know."

A great shadowy beast appeared behind the girl, its black wings outstretched and horns curling into the sky. Its red eyes burned like coals.

"Katie," Ruby said. "Behind you-"

Katie nodded. "I know. This is what I want." She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and stretched out her arms. "So long, suckers."

Ruby screamed as she realized that the railing had disappeared. The beast reached out a clawed hand and pushed Katie over the edge. She tumbled as if in slow motion, until she hit the water with a crash.

Ruby realized she was no longer standing on a stage. She was standing ankle deep in partially frozen water. She waded as fast as she could to Katie. She dropped to her knees beside her limp body and turned her onto her back. She found herself staring into the sunken eyes of a familiar face. The corpse of her former self opened her mouth, dislodging several large maggots.

"See?" it asked. "I told you it would be painless."

...

Ruby bolted upright in bed and clutched at her blankets as she desperately tried to get a handle on her breathing and heartbeat. She focused on her bioluminescent mushrooms as she became aware of the fact that a wild wind was ripping through the trees outside. As soon as she became aware, it died down. She got out of bed and pulled on her black cardigan that had the blue moon emblazoned on the front as she moved to peer through the tower windows at the quarter moon in the sky. All was calm.

...

Aziraphale and Crowley bolted upright in bed and clutched at each other. Crowley was trying his hardest not to cry.

"It was the metal walkway thing from the stage," Crowley explained through shallow breaths. "That girl - whatsername was on it - but it wasn't her, she was also-"

"Ruby," Aziraphale finished for him.

Crowley nodded.

"Katie was Ruby and Ruby was Katie," Aziraphale continued. "No distinction, only death."

Crowley narrowed his eyes and pulled back, but kept his hands on his husband's shoulders as he peered into his eyes. "You had the same dream."

Aziraphale nodded. "I did. Which is funny because-"

"You don't dream. Not normally."

They were both feeling a heightened state of anxiety, so it took them a moment to realize that the feeling wasn't entirely their own.

"I think we'd better check on Ruby," said Aziraphale. He got out of bed and started to pull on his tartan robe. "The night's events likely put more strain on her than she was letting on. I should've known she needed more attention..."

"It's not your fault," said Crowley.

They left their bedroom and were about to make their way to the staircase that led to her new tower bedroom when they saw a light on in the kitchen.

"Morning, boys," Ruby said wearily. "I'm making tea."

Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a look then went to join her in the kitchen.

Ruby was standing at the stove with her back to them, hugging her cardigan close around her.

Aziraphale smiled softly and came to her side. He put an arm around her and peered at her closely. "Are you alright?"

She smiled up at him and he was certain she was going to lie to him. That was her pattern, after all. She tended to lie to avoid worry.

So it was surprising when she told the truth. "No," she admitted, shaking her head. "Not at all, actually."

He smoothed her hair away from her face. "Why don't you let me finish up with the tea? I'll meet you and Crowley in the living room as soon as it's ready."

She nodded. "Alright."

Aziraphale held out an arm to beckon Crowley to them, then handed Ruby off to him. 

"C'mon," Crowley said gently. "Let's go sit down."

He sat on the far left side of the sofa. She stretched out next to him with her feet pressed against the arm rest and her back against his arm. 

"Did I wake you up?" she asked.

"No," he admitted. "We were having bad dreams. We got up to check on you."

"But I was already up," she nodded as she understood.

"I know you had a rather disappointing night," Crowley said. "What with...everything..."

"Disappointing isn't the word I'd use," she said. "I did everything I set out to do."

"But your play didn't get into Festival."

"We didn't expect it to. It's not exactly high-brow if you haven't noticed. We hoped it might by some miracle, but we didn't really think it would. But that's just the Headmaster's pick. We won't get full reviews in until tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?"

"School paper."

"You've got a school paper?"

"I mean, not a physical paper. Ariela explained it to me. It's a web journal on the school's official website. Students who submit pieces that get published can earn extra credit in the classes. Those'll start coming in tomorrow. Or they might. We didn't exactly have a crowd last night."

Aziraphale entered with a tea tray. "Here we are," he said. "Masala Chai for Crowley, Hibiscus Orange for Ruby, and a nice Oolong for me." He handed off the tea and placed the tray on the table. Ruby curled up her legs tightly to her chest, which Aziraphale took to mean that she was making room for him to sit down. He took the offered seat and patted her knee in a comforting fashion. "Now there's no need for all that. No need to get emotional just because I remembered your favorite tea. I know I'm guilty of getting overwhelmed by the spectacular kindness you and Crowley show me, but Maggie says to remember that everyone deserves kindness."

"It's hard to remember that when I've not been shown it before, and it's good to appreciate it, but appreciating it too much can lead to thinking self deprecating things," Ruby nodded. "She says the same thing to me. And how's that working out for you? Therapy, I mean."

"Slow going," Aziraphale said. "I don't feel like anything's really happening most of the time."

She nodded. "Yeah, it was like that for me at first too. But I think sometimes that it's really helping."

"What can we do to help you tonight, Ruby? Besides make you the tea that reminds you of orange creamsicles."

She smiled. "You remembered."

"I try to make a mental note anytime you like something enough to make a completely nonsense comment about it, yes."

She thought about it. "I dunno. It's not about me, really."

"It's about Katie?"

Ruby nodded. "I think I'm more shaken up by that than I thought I was. I mean she almost died."

"But she didn't. You saved her life."

"Was that the right decision?"

"I know you think it is."

"But in your opinion?"

He hesitated. "I'm not sure it was exactly practical. It could've saved a lot of suffering."

She shook her head. "I don't agree with that. And I'm not totally sure you do either. I mean, she's a teenager. She doesn't deserve Hell."

"She's never even killed, what makes you think she'd be sent to Hell?"

"Suicide. That whole thing about how killing yourself is an affront to God."

"Oh," he breathed. He glanced at Crowley.

Crowley smiled sadly. "I sometimes forget you were raised human. God would never condemn a person to Hell simply for suffering. God may not be fair or even merciful in her decisions, but that's at least a line she wouldn't cross."

"Well that's something, at least," Ruby said. "I would've been very unhappy if she'd been sent to Hell for something that wasn't her fault. She's manic or something and is cursed. That's enough to make anyone wanna jump. I don't know. I know I shouldn't be this messed up by it. I wasn't earlier, but all of a sudden..."

Crowley nodded. "Now that you're not distracted, it all hits you at once. I do that sometimes."

"But I should be over it, right?"

"Over what?" Aziraphale asked. "What happened to Katie or what happened to you?"

She looked at him directly, surprised that he'd make the connection. 

"It's not a huge leap to make," he said. "I'll have to admit it occurred to me in the moment too. It frightened me. If I'm being totally honest, I wasn't at all useful back there because I kept seeing you up there."

"We're never as powerless to stop it as we say we are," Crowley agreed. "I blame the hands-off thing they had drilled into us in angel training. We're supposed to mainly let you do the figuring out. Rescuing is only done by official mandate."

This time she looked at Crowley in surprise. "I don't think I've ever heard you talk about angel training before."

"I don't like to, normally," he admitted. "It was rubbish. I hated every minute of it, and minutes hadn't even been invented yet. But Aziraphale's right. It tore me up more than I would've expected, watching that girl I'd never even heard of fall like that. Nobody would blame you if you felt a connection with what happened. There are certain similarities."

"Maggie did say this might be a triggering event for you," Aziraphale said. "It's alright if it is. It is for me."

"You have triggers?" Ruby asked.

Aziraphale nodded. "Maybe not in the severe way that you do. I don't normally have panic attacks. Maggie says I have - what's the word..." He fully knew the word, he was just unsure of how to confess this bit of information. "Dissociative states."

Crowley frowned at him, his eyes full of worry and concern. "What does that mean, Angel?" he asked softly.

"You know those times when I get quiet and just sort of stare into space?" he asked. "I know you know what I mean, you've pointed it out before. I just sort of let my mind wander off a bit."

"Where do you go?"

"Nowhere, really? I just sort of stop. I think rather a lot and sometimes I just stop. Maggie says it's a defense mechanism. A holdover from the battles I fought during the Great Rebellion. Also possibly a coping mechanism I learned in what she calls 'childhood'...I keep having to tell her we didn't really _have_ what she'd consider a childhood..."

"None of us did, I suppose," Ruby said wryly.

"No," Aziraphale spluttered. "But I don't mean that metaphorically, I mean physically we were never _children-"_

 _"_ Wait," she said. "You said you fought battles? I never really saw you as a fighter."

"I never had a taste for the required brutality," he admitted. "But I did what was asked of me."

"Thus the disconnect," Crowley nodded.

"Has Maggie talked to you about EMDR?" Ruby asked.

"She has, actually," Aziraphale said. "She said I've got a bit more work to do before we try that, but she said it could be beneficial. She's mentioned it to you?"

Ruby nodded. "I'm not ready for it either, apparently, but that's supposed to be happening at some point."

"I'm lost," said Crowley. "What's EMDR?"

"It's some kinda trauma thing," Ruby said. "Might be a more long-term solution to my nightmares and flashbacks, except it might possibly make me worse in the short-term."

"Sounds safe," said Crowley dryly. "Which reminds me..."

She groaned. "Don't start. I already know what you're gonna say."

"We have to talk about it, Ruby. Selwyn's one thing, she's proven her trustworthiness. But this is too many people knowing. I don't like it."

"They're cool," Ruby said. "They've kept secrets for me before."

"Like what?" Aziraphale asked.

"They found out about the podcast, but didn't say anything."

"But that's a podcast, Ruby-"

"They won't say anything. I trust them. I'm asking you to trust me."

"We do."

"I know it's a big risk, but isn't it riskier for them to not know what's out there? I mean it would piss me off if someone messed with my memories. It's like violating."

"What exactly do you think they're entitled to know?" Crowley asked.

"Not everything. Not about me. Not even everything I know. But they get to know what they saw. I'll keep an eye on them. I'll let you know if there's anything you should worry about."

"You're normally a pretty good judge of character," Aziraphale said.

"That's why it's so surprising that you're so trusting all of a sudden," Crowley said.

"I'm not trusting," she protested. "I'm just..."

"Kind?" Aziraphale proposed.

Ruby glared at him and downed the rest of her tea. "I think I should try to get some sleep."

"We're very proud of you," Crowley said. "Regardless of your motivations. When Katie jumped, I froze. It was like watching what happened to you all over again. But I saw your eyes just before you jumped this time. You were calculating like a cat about to pounce. However this turns out, I want you to know that we see you. We'll never forget."

"Thanks," she said. "It was hard for me to watch too. I'm so sick of girls getting punished for something that's not our fault."

"I know," Crowley said. "But that's the point of your play on Wednesday, isn't it?"

A wicked grin crossed her face. "Did I tell you I renamed it?"

"You did not," Aziraphale said. "Can we hear the new title?"

"Okay, okay, brace yourselves," she said. "Untaming of the Shrew. I thought about Shrew: Untamed, but that sounded too much like a wrestling video and I'm not about that."

"Untaming of the Shrew," Aziraphale repeated. "Simple. I like it."

"Looking forward to it," Crowley said.

...

Aziraphale awoke the next morning and rolled over to find Crowley still asleep. He smiled and kissed him on the forehead. The demon didn't stir. Aziraphale rolled out of bed and engaged himself in the business of making breakfast.

"Time to wake up!" he shouted some time later. "Come on, you two! Up and at 'em! Rise and shine!"

Grumbles came from his bedroom and Ruby's tower simultaneously. "Five more minutes," said Ruby and Crowley in unison.

This was a common occurrence, so Aziraphale only smiled. "I made banana lumpia!"

There was the fluttering rustle of wings as Ruby tumbled unceremoniously from her bed and landed on the floor with a thump.

"Are you quite alright, dear?" Aziraphale chuckled.

She bypassed the stairs entirely and landed in a mass of feathers directly in front of him. "Banana lumpia?" she repeated.

Aziraphale grinned. "Yes. I've also got reviews for your play."

Crowley poked his head around the doorframe. "Reviews?"

"Or, rather, _a_ review," Aziraphale said. "I haven't read it yet." He smiled kindly at Ruby. "There's no need to be so nervous. It really was quite an enjoyable experience unless you were being accused of being old by an adolescent."

"Well let's see this review," Crowley said. He was impatient so Ruby wouldn't have to be. He knew she was timid with this sort of feedback. She wanted it, but she was also scared to look.

"Over breakfast," said Aziraphale.

...

Aziraphale had the school website pulled up on the household desktop, which only selectively existed in the corner of the kitchen when Aziraphale decided he needed one.

"What does it say?" asked Ruby.

Aziraphale adjusted his glasses and scanned the page. "It's actually rather complimentary. It says that the play made a strong impression, despite the frequent behind the scenes casting issues. 'Knowing that the play was plagued in recent weeks by scandal and drama as a leading actor made an exit only infused the performance with more madcap urgency and added to the experience. Bradley Turnshaw was rumored to have quit, so it surprised everyone when he made a last minute appearance as Narrator Two. He and Chell Whitby lit up the stage as the Narrators, who you could tell have a history (and, dare I say it, romantic chemistry). Nick Shade had one of his rare forays into comedy with an inspired performance as the entire cast of Cinderella, but the real story of the night was the break-out performance of Ruby Fell. We've all been waiting with bated breath to see what the newcomer would bring to our stage, and she didn't disappoint. Whether she was questioning the feminist interpretations of common mythological villains or lighting up the stage as the foul-mouthed Red Riding Hood or the entitled diva Cinderella, she commanded attention and managed to make her characters so distinct that it was easy to forget they were all played by one person in a wig. With her debut as Katherine in Untaming of the Shrew only days away, I know many of us are excited to see what she brings to a horror movie adaptation of William Shakespeare's classic when she so masterfully handled a comedic retelling of classic Grimm Brothers tales.'"

Ruby just blinked and sipped her morning tea. "That was a lot of words about me."

"And none of them untrue. It also goes on to mention the use of sign language in every scene. I wonder how this student got the scoop on you being the one who had that idea..."

"Almost makes you wonder what they would've said about you as Narrator, doesn't it?" Crowley asked.

"'In all," Aziraphale read. "'Max Jawara's directorial debut is set to be an underrated triumph.' I can't work out if that's nice or not."

"It's funny...This is the first time I've ever been written about where people were using my name, you know? And they're also being nice about me? That's also wild. I only hope Untaming of the Shrew lives up to expectation, if there's gonna be this hype about it."

...

"Hey Ruby? Can I talk to you for a second?"

"What do you want, Bradley?"

Bradley smiled nervously. "Still mad at me?"

"Not really," she said. "You stepped up last night. I appreciate that. Sorry, I'm just a bit tired. Didn't sleep well."

"Me neither," he admitted. "I just wanted to offer my help. For Wednesday. I was told you were the person to ask about that."

She sighed. "Bradley, I can't just move everything around last minute for you. I'm happy you grew a conscience last night, but you should've been with us from the beginning."

"I know," he said. "I'm sorry."

"The sad thing is you'd be really good as our Petruchio. But we've already got one."

"Put him on tech," said a voice. 

Ruby turned to see Selwyn. "Are you sure? I'm fine with it, but that's your area."

"Do you know how to run sound?" Selwyn asked.

"Not really," he said apologetically.

"Well you'll have to learn quick because this is the only opening we have," she said. "Or is tech beneath you? I know how you actors are."

"No, no," he assured her. "I'm totally cool with it. Happy to help."

"Good," Selwyn said. "Find me at rehearsal today."

... 

Quinn marched up to Bradley at his locker. "Do ya wanna explain why people are telling me you've gone behind my back and starred in the play you _told_ me you dropped out of?"

He looked at her wearily. "Can we not do this right now? I'm a little tired."

"It's not true though," Quinn said. "Why would you do that to me?"

"Because not everything's about you," he said. "They needed me, so I showed up. It was actually fun. More fun than I've had for ages."

"Well you can consider us done if you decide to keep hanging round with them," she threatened.

"I'm actually glad you brought it up," Bradley said. "Because I considered it last night, and we are done. I was just waiting for the right moment to say it."

"You can't be serious."

"I am. Look, you're a good actor, but you're mean to everyone I care about. You always make me feel like I'm doing something wrong. So I think this is as far as we go. Not that there was really a we to begin with."

"You're gonna regret this."

He shrugged. "I dunno. I've been regretting a lot lately, but somehow I feel loads better now. Like a Quinn-shaped weight's been lifted off me...Not that it was ever really _on_ me. Sorry, that was crude. Even someone as mean as you are deserves better than to have demeaning jokes made about you. But can I ask you something? You don't seem to actually like me that much. When we're around your friends, you act like the things I say and the clothes I wear are embarrassing to you. So why put up with me?"

Quinn was clearly stumped. "I dunno. You're cute. It made sense."

"That's not a reason to want to date someone. Liking someone isn't always about what makes sense on paper. I really hope you find what makes you happy, Quinn. Find it before you end up like me. I didn't know what made me happy before I completely mucked it up." The bell rang. "Take care of yourself."

Nobody had ever been this blunt with Quinn in her life, yet as she watched Bradley walk away, she was genuinely struggling to find the insult that she knew must be buried in his words.

...

"Has anyone heard from Katie?" said Chell as she joined her friends at the lunch table. "I was gonna see if she wanted to sit with us, but I haven't seen her."

"She wasn't in class earlier," Nick said. "I was wondering about that."

"Has anyone checked up on her?" Ruby asked. "Texted her or anything?" The guilty looks on their faces told her everything. 

"We should do something for her," Selwyn said. "Like a care package or something."

"That's a good idea," Ruby said.

"Mind if I sit here?"

Nick looked up to see Bradley. "Do whatever you want," he said. "You always do."

Ruby was getting fed up with Nick's attitude toward Bradley. He had a right to be angry, sure, but she didn't see what made him act so bitter when Bradley was clearly trying.

"You can sit, if you want," Ruby said.

"Thanks," said Bradley as he sat down.

"Did the cool kids kick you out?" Nick asked. 

"No, but who gives a damn about them?" Bradley said. "They haven't gone full Mean Girls on me yet, but I expect they will now I've broken it off with Quinn."

"You broke up with Quinn?" Nick asked. This information shouldn't matter to him, so he couldn't work out why it did.

"Guys," Ruby said. "More pressing matters. What about this care package for Katie?"

"You're doing a care package?" Bradley asked. "Can I help? Honestly, I know it's stupid, but I didn't sleep right at all last night, I was so torn up about her."

"It's not stupid," Ruby said. "My dads and I were up at like 2 AM because it was just like a lot."

"I've just never known someone who was like suicidal before," Bradley said. "I mean you hear about stuff like this happening, but it never happens to anyone you know, right?"

An uncomfortable silence followed his words.

"Let's go right after rehearsal and get the stuff for the care package," Ruby said. "It's the least we can do, to let her know she's not alone."

...

Bradley met Nick in the car park after rehearsal, while the others were still packing up.

"So what is this, anyway?" Nick asked. "Spying on us for the enemy now?"

Bradley sighed. "Look, I can't say I didn't expect this from you. I'm trying to make things right."

"Good luck with that."

"What do you want from me, Nick? Like honestly? Do you want me to quit the other play so I can prove to you I'm serious about this?"

"Oh my God, you're totally missing the point if you think I want you to do to some other cast what you did to us? Haven't you learned anything? But sure if you're that afraid of commitment-"

"Who's afraid of commitment?" Bradley fumed. "And since when are you so interested in it? You told me yourself that you don't get attached! That's the whole point of you, isn't it? You don't get attached? You move on? You definitely moved on from me real quick when you were done with me!"

"What are you talking about?"

"You never bothered to send me so much as a text since July, did you?"

"Well neither did you!"

"And then you just ignore me when we come back, like nothing ever happened! I've seen how you treat other boys you've been with. They get the brush off. You've been treating me like that since we got back, because obviously I mean nothing to you."

Nick glowered for a moment as he let the truth of these words sink in. "Were you supposed to?" he asked dryly.

"No," Bradley said slowly. "I guess I wasn't." He reached into his pocket. "Here." He stuffed a wad of money into Nick's hand.

"What is this?" Nick asked. "An 'I've payed my whore' moment?"

Bradley bit back his anger. "You really think so little of me. This is for the care package. Go nuts, just make sure you let her know it was from me too. Because I don't think it's a good idea for me to come with you. I'd just make this awkward."

"Agreed," Nick said. He didn't even try to give back the money.

"Alright then," Bradley said. There really was nothing else left to say, so he stuck his hands in his pockets and walked to his own car.

Ruby and the others arrived moments later.

"Hey," Chell said. "Where's Bradley?"

"He's not coming," Nick said. "But he gave us some money."

"Well that's something at least," said Max. "Least he could do."

"How d'ya mean?" asked Selwyn.

"I mean, this is sort of his fault, isn't it?" Max explained. "Not like all of it, obviously, but Katie doesn't normally act so that had to be more stress on her than normal. Bradley leaving is what forced her into that position."

"I'm not sure that's totally fair," said Selwyn.

"I agree with Max," said Nick. "Now let's stop talking about it. We've got a care package to make."

...

"That's a lot of candy," Selwyn said as she looked at the basket.

"And we've still got money for more," Nick said. "Good thing Bradley's loaded."

"So we've got bargain bin DVDs," said Chell. "Loads of candy. A gift card...I dunno, it doesn't feel very personal."

"Well none of us know her that well," Max pointed out. "I mean that's why there's so many sweets. If she doesn't like one, we've still got our bases covered."

"But Chell's right, we should do something more personal," Ruby said.

"Maybe we should make something," Selwyn said.

"Like what?" asked Nick.

She shrugged. "I didn't get that far. I had the thought, but it wasn't connected to anything. But people like personal, hand-made gifts, right?"

"I could burn a mix CD?" Nick offered.

"Good idea," Ruby agreed.

"Yeah, if you're in 2005," Chell scoffed. "What, don't you have Spotify?"

"Spotify screws over artists and has ads," Ruby said dismissively. "I'd much rather pirate. Crowley agrees, he says streaming services are a complete waste. He should know, he planted the idea for the basic business model they use today. Besides, Nick is right. Mix tapes are super personalized. And kind of adorable. I like the idea. We can create a playlist of stuff we all like. Just be warned: I like really weird stuff most of the time. You know, that gives me a crafting idea - which is a sentence I never thought I'd say..."

...

They burned the CD on Nick's laptop in the back of his car, then added it to the completed care package.

"Alright," Max said. "So now we just take it over to her."

"Uh," said Nick. "Does anyone know where she lives?"

"I thought _you_ did!" said Chell.

"Why would _I_ know where she lives?" Nick asked.

"Everyone just chill," Ruby said. "We'll figure this out. It's like Selwyn likes to say - there's always a solution. We just have to find it." Then she had an idea. "Hey, Nick, can you drive us to Soho?"

...

Ruby knew that Aziraphale had planned to open the bookstore for a few hours that afternoon, so had Nick drive straight there. Aziraphale wasn't at all pleased when she brought a crowd of teenagers into his shop.

"Woah," Selwyn breathed as she gaped at the rows upon rows of books. "You said your dad owned a bookshop...You never said it was _this_ bookshop! You know there are whole forums about this place online? People think the owner is a cryptid."

"They're not wrong," Ruby said. "Don't touch anything! He'll have your head."

"I believe it," said Max after catching a glimpse of his face.

"Ruby," Aziraphale said. "What are you doing bringing teenagers into my shop?"

She put the basket on the desk. "We made a care package for Katie."

"Oh," he said brightly. "Well that's an entirely different matter indeed. What an extraordinarily kind-"

"Don't start," she groaned. "Problem is, none of us know where she lives or if she'll even be at school tomorrow."

"Ah," Aziraphale said. "I see you have quite the dilemma. Well, that's easily solved. One quick Miracle, and it'll appear on her doorstep lickety-split."

"Alright," Ruby nodded. "I was hoping you'd say that. How do I do that without knowing a location?"

"That _does_ complicate matters slightly," Aziraphale admitted. "Best to let me do it now and teach you later?"

"I agree."

"Alright." He placed his hands on the basket and closed his eyes. A moment later, the basket had disappeared.

"Woah," Chell said. "Ruby, you didn't say your dad was freakin' Houdini!"

Aziraphale was quite flattered by the comparison. "Oh that was nothing. That was just real magic. The illusions you humans do, that's the real impressive bit. I could actually show you, if you like, I'm quite proficient at human magic..."

Ruby beamed at him. "Maybe on Halloween, Dad," she said gently.

His eyes lit up. "We could do a father-daughter magic show!"

She laughed. "Maybe. We'll talk about it. Thanks."

Aziraphale smiled. "You should telephone your friend. See that she got her package."

But Nick's phone buzzed. "It's her," he said. "I assume she got it."

"You had her phone number this whole time, but you didn't think to use it?" Chell asked.

"I wanted it to be a surprise," he shrugged. He answered the call and put it on speakerphone. "What's up?"

"Did you guys send me a big basket of stuff?" Katie asked.

They grinned at each other. "Call it a care package, luv," Nick said. "Do ya like it?"

"I haven't opened it properly yet, just the cards," she admitted. "How did you find where I live?"

"We didn't," Ruby admitted. "We used magic to send it to you."

"Ruby's there?" Katie asked.

The others piped in, anxious not to be overshadowed.

"And Max."

"And Chell."

"And Selwyn."

"We were worried about you," Nick said. "You didn't come to school today."

"I wasn't feeling up to it," Katie said. "Bit embarrassed."

"You've got nothing to be embarrassed about," Ruby said. "And I mean literally nothing. Time was reversed so it's like it never happened. But anyway, that could happen to the best of us. Nobody's blaming you a bit."

"Saw the reviews came in," Katie said. "Or, rather, review. You did good."

" _We_ did good," Selwyn said. "You did costumes. They couldn't've done it without you."

Katie laughed. "You're right. Thanks."

"Crew's gotta stick together," she said.

"Are you gonna open your package or not?" Nick pressed.

Katie sighed, but the smile was evident in her voice. "You really didn't have to go to any trouble."

"I know," said Nick. "But we wanted to. Don't let it go to your head or nuthin'."

Katie rolled her eyes and opened the package. "You guys tryin' to send me into a sugar coma or something?"

"That's the general idea," Chell said.

"Is this a CD?"

"Songs from all of us," Max said. "There's a track list in the case."

"What's this?" Katie asked. "A box of tissues?"

"That one was Selwyn's idea," Ruby said.

"Based on your idea," Selwyn said. "I won't take all the credit."

Katie noticed that there was writing on the sides of the box. "What's all this writing?"

"Instructions," Selwyn said. "When you're sad, reach in the box and pull out a slip of paper. Some of them are affirmations or quotes, others are suggestions for movies or TV shows to watch-"

"Others are jokes," Nick said.

"Of varying quality," added Max.

"And this other thing?" said Katie. "Plasters?"

"That was Ruby's," said Selwyn. 

"I hope it's not too emo," Ruby said. "As an emo myself, I thought based on your whole thing you might be into it. Same basic principle as Selwyn's tissues, except I came up with it first. On each bandaid is written the name of a song. It's an emergency supply for when things feel bad and you need some healing."

Katie was overwhelmed by emotions. "Thanks, guys. I dunno what to say."

"Thanks was enough," said Max.

"We wanted you to know you're not alone," said Ruby. "I get what you're going through, sort of. Freaks gotta stick together, right?"

She laughed. "Right."

"When will you be back?" Selwyn asked. 

"I dunno," Katie said. "I'm hoping by Wednesday. I meant to come in today, but I was exhausted. I guess last night really burned me out."

"I know what you mean," Max said. "I'm exhausted. Woke up at 2 o'clock this morning and couldn't get back to sleep."

"Me too," said Chell. "I was having this horrible nightmare."

"Me too," said Selwyn. "I mean it was obviously like a way to process what little I did see of what happened. Katie was up on the fly tower..."

"I was up on the fly tower in my dream too," said Katie. "What was I doing in yours?"

"You were gonna jump," Selwyn said. "Sorry, this is morbid. But it was almost like Death was behind you and pushed you."

Nick frowned. "Hold on, that's a lot like the dream I had. But when you hit the stage it was-"

"A half-frozen river," Chell said.

"More like a stream, really," said Max.

"Oh right, silly me," she said sarcastically. "Confusing a river with a stream."

"That's insane," Katie said. "I had the exact same dream. Except I was me, so I was feeling it all. Like I couldn't stop myself even though I wanted to. I woke up right before I hit the ground."

"Oh see, I woke up right after," said Nick. "Ruby was running to you."

"That's when I woke up," Max agreed.

"Me too," said Chell.

"Same for me," said Selwyn.

"We all had the same dream," Aziraphale said. He'd been watching this exchange with mounting concern. "Crowley and I had it as well. And you...?"

Ruby nodded. "But I woke up later..." The look in her eyes told Aziraphale she'd woken up at the same point he and Crowley had. Then it dawned on her. "Bradley said he didn't sleep well either. I almost guarantee you he had the nightmare too."

Newt had been stocking nearby and had heard this. "Anathema and I had the dream too," he said.

"Fascinating," said Aziraphale.

"But what does this mean?" asked Newt. "That everyone in the world is having the same dream?"

"I don't think it's that," said Ruby. "But I bet if we called everyone who wasn't frozen last night, they'd tell us they had the dream too."

"So," Aziraphale said slowly. "Freya, Maggie, Sibella, Gertrude..."

"Adam," Ruby pointed out.

"Yes," Aziraphale said gravely. "I do think I'm beginning to understand. Katie, my dear, would you and your grandmother meet us at my bookshop? And would one of you track down this Bradley? We need everyone here who's having the bad dreams."

"I'll text Crowley," Ruby said.

...

Anathema nodded the moment she saw Ruby. "Just as I thought," she said. "Your aura's blocked. I thought it looked a little blocked last night, but I wasn't sure if it was a trick of the light."

"Blocked?" Ruby asked. "How can an aura be blocked?"

"Severe stress that you're pushing away, usually," said Anathema. "If you don't deal with it in the body or the mind, it infects the aura."

"Which brings us to my theory," said Aziraphale. "Come here, my dear."

Ruby slowly moved toward him. He handed her a cup of tea. "Drink," he said. 

She took a sip. He placed a hand between her shoulder blades and moved it in a circular motion. She felt herself relaxing instantly as a pleasant warmth spread through her body. She purred in spite of herself before catching herself.

"How are you doing that?" she asked. 

"Anathema's right," Aziraphale explained. "Your energy's all wrong. I should've seen the warning signs. Did we ever explain to you how your wings retract, Ruby?"

She nodded. "They simply exist to exist on this plane until they're unfurled again. They're sort of spiritual phantom limbs."

"Exactly," Aziraphale said. "I have this nasty habit of pushing all of my stress into that cosmic pocket where my wings are. Crowley says I carry all my anxiety in my wings. All I'm really doing here is releasing that pent up stress that you've been refusing to deal with. We both evidently need to learn better ways to deal with unpleasant emotions. Now come on. Let's go join the others in the back."

...

Ruby, Aziraphale, and Anathema joined the assembled group in the back of the shop. Freya had just finished passing out the last of the tea, which was really a special anti-stress potion she made on occasion.

"Is anyone going to explain what's going on?" asked Adam.

"Aziraphale was just explaining it to me," Ruby said apologetically. "The running theory is that what happened last night created a sort of psychic link between us. That can happen often in cases of paranormal shared trauma. Do you want to take it from here, Maggie?"

"Are you sure about that?" asked Maggie.

"They have a right to know at least the basics," Ruby said.

"Alright," Maggie said. "The dream we all had last night didn't belong to us. Ruby has a habit of pushing her stress response away instead of dealing with it head-on, so every bit of stress she's felt related to any recent trauma has collected inside of her and mixed together until they were indistinguishable from each other. Ruby has a very high level of psychic energy flowing through her at any given moment-"

"Wait, Ruby's psychic?" Bradley asked.

"That's the craziest part of this to you?" asked Nick.

"I can't like read minds or see the future," Ruby explained. "It's just how my powers work."

Anathema continued this train of thought. "Wait, I think I see what Maggie's saying here. When we all bonded with Ruby last night, that bond allowed Ruby's psychic trauma to cross into us and infect us. That's why we all had the same dream."

"Sorry," Ruby said.

"It's not your fault," said Katie. "Nobody blames you."

"I do a bit," said Adam.

Anathema nudged him.

"So how do we fix what happened?" Gertrude asked.

"The tea is the first part," Freya explained.

"It's not like...drugs, is it?" asked Bradley.

"No," Freya said. "It's a potion. We're going to have to meditate."

Ruby and Katie both groaned.

"I _hate_ meditating!" Ruby complained.

"It's so _boring_!" said Katie.

"We have to let go of this psychic bond," said Freya. "This is the way to do it."

"Everyone follow my lead," said Maggie.

...

They followed Maggie's instructions and soon found themselves feeling very warm and very sleepy. One by one, the humans started falling asleep. Soon, there was no one left but Ruby, Aziraphale, and Crowley.

"Still sorry," Ruby said blearily.

"No need to be sorry," said Crowley. "You didn't know you were doing it. We should've known better and helped you prepare for an outcome like this. It happens to Aziraphale all the time, we can handle it."

"But Aziraphale doesn't cause us all to have bad dreams," Ruby pointed out.

"True," Crowley said. "But that's not his fault either."

"I'm not gonna fall asleep," she said, leaning her head back against the wall. "I'm not even human properly....I don't have to sleep..."

She fell asleep instantly. Aziraphale and Crowley shared a fond look. 

"I'll take her to the apartment upstairs," Aziraphale said as he lifted her into his arms. "The humans should wake up in about an hour. I'll Miracle us all some food when we wake up. They'll be starving."

"I love you, Angel," said Crowley, who still hadn't gotten off the floor.

Aziraphale smiled. "I know," he said. "I love you too. Has anyone ever told you you're a bit of a sap when you're sleepy?"

He pouted. "Am not!" He groaned and rolled over so his face was pressed into the corner of the wall. "This just goes to show that when I say five more minutes..."

"I know, I know..."

...

Aziraphale had ordered pizza. Everyone eagerly got to work eating it except Selwyn, who only managed to be interested in the cinnamon sticks he'd ordered for dessert.

"So you gonna be back tomorrow?" Chell asked. "We could use you."

Katie smiled. "You don't need me. Your costumes are done and Nick's at least as good at makeup as I am."

"I mean, yeah," Chell said. "I guess you're right, but..."

"You don't need to pretend," she said in a low voice. "Or, like, try to make me feel like I'm one of you. I don't fit here. I'm not sure if I'm coming back."

"But we want you to come back," Max said.

"You do?"

"If you feel up for it," said Selwyn.

"I thought you were scared of me," Katie said. 

"I wasn't scared of you," Selwyn said. "I was scared of what was happening. I hadn't prepared myself for it. I have a history of being confronted with the reality of supernatural beings and just kind of freezing. It's not your fault."

"We're not scared of you," Ruby said. "Right?" 

"Of course not," Nick said.

"We know you," said Chell.

"You couldn't hurt a fly," said Max.

"She could," Ruby said. "The thing is that she _wouldn't._ That's a good distinction to make. Katie, we want you to come back, but only if you're ready. If you don't feel up to doing actual stage work just yet, you don't have to. But we want you to come back to class."

"I'll think about it," said Katie.

Meanwhile, Crowley managed to catch a moment alone with Maggie.

"So," he said. "This dissociative episode thing..."

Maggie smiled. "He told you about that?"

"It was bound to come up eventually. He knows I know he has them, I just didn't know what they were. I was hoping you could give me more information..."

"You know it's unethical for me to discuss my patients without their consent or a clear and present danger, Crowley."

"Yes, yes, of course," he said. "But I just want to know how I can help. If he's like that, I mean. Or if I can somehow prevent them..."

Maggie considered him for a moment. "Alright, okay, but only because it's _very_ sweet that you want to help. But ask him about it first. When he's calm and there's nothing around to trigger him, I mean. Ask him what he'd like to do - and _don't_ make it seem like you went behind his back to ask me. He may just ask for some space when this happens to him - you know how private he is. Respect that if he asks for it. But if he wants to involve you, ask him what works best for him. Then maybe we can come up with some kind of action plan. But the important thing is to be patient with him. He does this because something in his past makes it difficult for him to remain present. That's not a reflection on you or the life you've built. He _wants_ to be here with you. He just doesn't know how to stay yet."

Crowley nodded. "I understand."

...

"There she is!" Nick said as he closed his locker. "The Midnight Dreamer!"

Ruby rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, go on, lay it on me. I deserve it."

"Deserve what?" Selwyn asked.

"You were very quiet about it last night," she pointed out. "I assume you wanna lay into me about infecting me about your dreams. I'm really sorry that happened, by the way. I didn't know it could, and it won't happen again."

"We're not mad at you, Ruby," Chell said. "It was fucked up, but it wasn't your fault."

"We _do_ , however, reserve the right to tease you about it in the name of fun," Max grinned.

Ruby smiled, relief evident on her face. "That sounds fair."

...

"Different day of the week," Ruby said. "Kinda weird."

Maggie smiled and gestured for Ruby to take a seat. "Is it?"

Ruby took the offered seat. "Yeah. Just so used to Wednesdays."

"Well you have another opening night tomorrow," Maggie said. "This seemed practical."

"I guess."

"So how are you feeling?"

"After everything? Better. I should be asking how you're feeling."

"Why?"

"I infected you with my nightmares," she said apologetically. "That's gotta suck. My mind isn't exactly, uh, kind."

"It was a traumatic event for all of us," Maggie said. "I think it's safe to say that without you, we would've been having nightmares anyway. How did you sleep last night?"

"Best sleep of my life," she admitted. "I was exhausted, I just knocked out. Can I ask...In the nightmares...Did you notice anything?"

"About what?"

"About Katie."

"Like what?"

"Was she herself? Because in my dream she kept flickering...Aziraphale and Crowley saw it too..."

"She wasn't flickering in my dream," Maggie said. "Which I suppose probably means she didn't in anyone else's dream."

"Why?"

"Because they'd have to be in on the secret."

"What secret?"

"Whatever secret you have that was coming through in that dream. So tell me about this flickering. It's an interesting word."

"She kept going back and forth. She'd be her one minute then she'd be..."

"Who, Ruby?"

"Me," she admitted. "But not me. Who I was. Before."

Maggie could see she was getting somewhere. "Tell me about that stream, Ruby. Where was that?"

She looked down, then to the side. "It's where I died."

"Do you dream about that place a lot?"

"I used to. I was getting better before..."

"Before Katie triggered the memory?"

Ruby nodded.

"It's understandable. The brain works on associations. We see things that remind us of other things and it triggers a response. It's not unusual to be reminded of a trauma, even ages after the fact."

"I just want it to be over."

"It is. That's the big secret. What happened to you is technically over. The problem is that the trauma lives on in your body. Trauma comes from a Greek word. It means a wound. You've still got open wounds. It's why things like this keep happening to you. But please try to remember that it's not your fault. Just like it's not Katie's fault. What you did for her - saving her life - was an incredible act of kindness. I understand that it was more than that for you - that you saw a bit of yourself in her somehow - but that's what we have to do sometimes. We have to see the things that have been done to us and promise to never let them happen again. We break the cycle."

"I'd like to talk about something else, please."

Maggie had sensed that they were getting too close to actually getting somewhere, so wasn't surprised that Ruby would want to pull back. She decided to allow it this time. "Like what?"

"Anything."

Maggie nodded. "Alright. I enjoyed your play the other night. Both versions. I can see now why you enjoyed playing the Witch so much."

"So what's your psychoanalysis, Doc? I assume you have one."

"About the Witch?"

"About why I'm so into playing parts like that."

"You're very introspective. What do you think my psychoanalysis would be?"

"I dunno. Something about how I like playing villains that remind me of myself or of people who hurt me. Maybe I'm trying to play either the role people cast for me or trying to understand the role others played in my life. Could be a need to exercise control instead of always being a victim."

"Or it could just be because it's fun. Sometimes we need to play the bad guy so we can let loose a little bit."

"Could be."

"Did you ever make peace with the sleeping princesses?"

She shrugged. "A bit. I'm trying to understand that it's not their fault they were so helpless. Someone wrote them that way."

"Maybe someday you'll write them a better story."

"I'm not much of a writer."

"That remains to be seen. How do you feel about your opening night tomorrow?"

A flicker of nerves showed behind her eyes. "Fine, for the most part. Shakespeare's a big ask, and we did this in two weeks. It could blow up in our faces."

"It could," said Maggie. "But it might not. I'm confident you can handle it either way."

...

Katie didn't return to school until Wednesday. Ruby hurried to catch up with her on the way to class.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"A little better," Katie said. "I wanted to be here for opening night."

"I know," she said. "But if you're not up for it, literally no one would blame you..."

"Thanks," Katie replied. "But I'm fine. Honestly. Thanks."

"Did you ever call Maggie?" Ruby asked. "She's been treating me for ages and it's really been a huge help. I hardly ever cause big weather events or have glowing eyes anymore."

"You can do that?" Katie asked.

Ruby shrugged.

"I'll think about it," said Katie.

They turned a corner and found themselves face-to-face with Nick. They hadn't had a chance to talk on Monday night at the bookstore, so this was their first chance to clear the air.

"Hey," Nick said. "How are you feeling?"

Katie's face was burning almost as bright as her hair as she looked away. "Embarrassed. I made a right fool of myself, didn't I?"

"You weren't thinking clearly," he said. "It's not your fault. I know what it's like to have something in your head that's more in control of you than you are of it. Sometimes you know you're being irrational, but you still can't stop it. It's terrifying. Maybe I'm not a..." He glanced around as he remembered they were in a crowded hallway. "Dog person, but I'd like to think I can at least try to understand what you're going through."

Katie's lips twitched and she chuckled to herself.

"What?" Nick asked as a slow grin spread across his face. "What did I say?"

She finally looked at him with eyes filled with amusement. "Dog person?"

He suddenly looked anxious. "Is that offensive? I was trying not to out you..."

She laughed. "It's fine, I get what you were doing." She started to walk past him, but put a hand on his shoulder. "But I've always been more of a cat person."

He grinned, grateful she was finding things funny again. "So I take it you've still got the hots for me then?"

She waved him off with a laugh. "In your _dreams_ , pretty boy."

"Oh so you admit you think I'm pretty?" he teased.

"Shut _up_ ," she said before disappearing into a classrooom.

...

There was a bit of time allotted after school for everyone to get a bite to eat before they were expected to be back for opening night. 

"Hey Katie, d'ya wanna come get a bite with us?" asked Nick.

Katie hesitated. "Seriously? You don't have to include me just because of what happened."

"We're not," he said. "Are ya coming or not?"

She smiled and nodded. 

"Guys," Ruby said. "Can you give me and Katie a minute? My dads wanted a word with us before we leave." She'd texted Crowley that Katie had returned and he'd asked them to meet him after school.

They left the group and met up with Crowley.

"I know this may not be the best time," said Crowley. "But I think it might be important that you know."

"Crowley," Ruby said. "What is this?"

"Ruby was very worried about what would happen to you if you tried that again," Crowley said. "She was raised Christian so she thought you might be sending yourself to Hell."

"That can happen?" Katie asked. This hadn't even occurred to her.

Ruby shrugged.

"Point is, that's not how it works," said Crowley. "I wanted to show you what happens most of the time." He held out a hand. "Come with me?"

Ruby and Katie both reluctantly grabbed his arm as they wondered where he was going with this. They instantly teleported to a bridge.

"Where are we?" Ruby asked.

"It's not important," he said. "Do you see them?"

Ruby and Katie looked around.

"Ghosts," Ruby said. "Everywhere."

"I can see them too," Katie said.

"This isn't what always happens," Crowley said. "Most people who go through with killing themselves end up with unfinished business, so that holds them back. But really, that's not the main reason people end up like this. There's a moment, just after they jump, when they realize they really want to live. That simple disconnect holds them here, unable to move on until they can make peace with what they've done. Because no one is getting intentionally punished for being sick or being in pain. That would be cruel. But by the laws of nature, this is how victims end up. Death isn't an ending, and it doesn't make things simpler."

"It only makes things more complicated," said Katie.

"You're young," Crowley said. "You still have unfinished business here. I won't lie and say things will always be easy, but I will tell you things won't always be this hard."

Ruby put a comforting hand on her arm. "You alright?"

"Not really," Katie said. "I mean this is like...real fucked up. But I think I understand now. Thank you for bringing me here."

"Aziraphale says that you should let us know if there's anything we can do for you," Crowley said. "But I think for now, the best we can do is get you back in time to have food before your opening night. Should I say break a leg?"

Ruby smiled. "Only if Gabriel's showing up."

...

Aziraphale showed up for his regularly scheduled appointment.

"You seem a bit tightly wound today," Maggie said.

"That's just me, I'm afraid," he said apologetically. "Tightly wound."

"What's on your mind?"

"Worry," he said. 

"About what?"

"Everything. All the time. I worried sending Ruby out into the world to mingle with humans, but now...We have options. Ruby won't hear of them."

"What are your options?"

"To erase the memories of the humans. To put down the werewolf."

Maggie nodded. "And you think this would protect Ruby?"

"From this threat, yes."

"And you'd do this?"

"Without a moment's hesitation."

"But Ruby asked you not to."

"That's right."

Maggie considered how to handle this. "Family is a two-way street paved with trust. Too many people think that it's only the child who has to maintain this relationship, but the parent has to do the work as well. Do you remember when she was willing to go behind your back to hold a seance to find her friend?"

"I do."

"How would you have felt if she'd done that without your permission or support?" She could see on his face that her words were having the desired effect. "It would be exactly the same if you went behind her back and did this, except worse. Ruby's actions there would have the potential to hurt people. Yours would _definitely_ hurt people."

"She's more fragile than she thinks she is," Aziraphale said softly. "More vulnerable. Breakable. You didn't see her when..."

Maggie could see that he was close to losing himself. "Aziraphale, take a deep breath for me? In through the nose, out through the mouth." He followed her directions then returned his gaze to her. "Good. Where did you go there?"

"I can't talk about it."

"I understand it might be difficult-"

"It would be, but that's not why. It's Ruby's secret. I can't betray her. You said not to go behind her back and if this is the only way I can protect her without losing her trust, it's what I'll do."

"That's entirely understandable," Maggie said. "And I won't press you about it. That's your most recent trauma, so we can work up to it. But it's not why you're here."

"Then why am I here?"

"I've noticed you very carefully avoid talking about your life in Heaven."

"There's not much to talk about. It was a long time ago."

"But it's the why. It's the root. That's where it all began. For you, for Crowley, for all of us. Something happened to you there, before the Earth. I understand if you're not ready to talk about it yet or if you don't know what to talk about. But I think we should talk about Heaven. Why don't you tell me about it?"

...

**Several hours later: At the cast party**

"So whose decision was it that all the kissing would either be kisses on the cheek or a cut to black?" Crowley asked.

Ruby raised her hand. "Shakespeare didn't specify it had to be on the mouth. And I figured since it was mostly male actors back in the day, maybe I could get away with it..."

"You'd be surprised what actors could get away with back then," Aziraphale said.

"That was really incredible," Crowley said. "I can't believe it - you actually made _me_ like Taming of the Shrew!"

Aziraphale shook his head. "If Will could see you now..."

"You made Katherine a sympathetic character," said Crowley. "Actually properly sympathetic. And the way you fleshed out her relationship with her father and sister..."

"Your sign language was perfect," Miss Zima said. "I can't believe you went through all that trouble."

"You're our Shakespeare teacher," Ruby said. "It wouldn't be fair if you couldn't have the full experience."

Miss Zima hugged her. "Sorry," she said when she drew back. "I just get so emotional. People like me never have the chance to do things like this. It's nice to be included. I'm so proud of all of you."

"Miss Zima, you're gonna make us cry," said Ariela. She stuck out a hand. "You must be Ruby's parents. I'm Ariela Almeida."

Ruby noticed instantly the way Aziraphale and Crowley froze when they got a proper look at her. "Ariela...Almeida?" Aziraphale said.

"That's right," she smiled. "Say...don't I know you from somewhere? You look very familiar."

"No," Crowley lied. "Don't think so."

"Ariela!" Max called. "Come over here! You have to see this!"

"On my way!" Ariela said. "Nice to meet you."

Ruby crossed her arms as soon as she was out of earshot. "Alright, what was that about?"

"She said her name was Almeida?" Aziraphale said.

"That's what she said," Crowley replied.

"And that's weird because...?" Ruby asked.

"Because," Crowley said. "I swear that girl is Ariela Azevedo." He turned to Aziraphale. "Right? I'm not going insane?"

"No, I'm almost certain you're right," said Aziraphale.

"Who's Ariela Azevedo?" asked Ruby. 

"The Brazilian ambassador's daughter," Crowley said. "We've only seen her a handful of times, but I'm certain-"

"Wait wait, hold on," Ruby said. "You know ambassadors?"

"You know we do," said Aziraphale. "Through working for Warlock's family."

"Oh," Ruby said. "Right. And you're sure that's her?"

"Positive," Aziraphale said.

"I'm sure she has a good reason to hide this if it is her," Ruby said. "Let's keep it a secret for now. And don't confront her about it! If she wanted us to know, we'd know!"

"Agreed," said Crowley. "Sometimes secrets are better kept hidden."

"If that's a pointed comment..." Ruby began.

"Here it is!" Miss Zima said as the email popped up on her phone. "Everyone gather around!"

Ruby was suddenly intolerably nervous. "Fingers crossed?"

They moved to gather with the others.

"Well?" Ariela said. "What does it say?"

"It says..." Miss Zima began. "It says the Headmaster was so impressed by this performance that he can't imagine Taming of the Shrew any other way." She looked up. "Congratulations, you've made it to Festival."

It took a moment for the news to sink in. 

"Seriously?" Ruby asked. "This isn't like a dream?"

Miss Zima smiled. "It's not a dream!" she laughed. "Guys, you're all going to Festival! We did it! We put together a whole Shakespeare rewrite in under two weeks and it was so impressive that it made it to Festival! This is a big deal!"

Everyone was still stunned, but Bradley was catching up. "Hey everyone! Dessert's on me!"

Everyone laughed and came back to themselves. A loud cheer met both the news that the play had been so well received and the assurance of free dessert.

Crowley had on his customary dark glasses, but Ruby could tell he was beaming. "Congratulations, Ruby."

"We're very proud of you," Aziraphale added.

She threw her arms around them both.

This was a good night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That bandaid box idea was a real thing I made for someone I knew in college who was going through a rough time. (She probably threw it away.) The tissue box thing was something some people in my college dorm made for me a few months after that lmao. I thought it fit well here.


	42. Surfin' Dead

"Breakfast!" called Aziraphale.

He expected to have to call a second time, as per usual, but this time there was an instant flurry of activity. Crowley rushed out of his room as Ruby plummeted to the ground floor with a flurry of wings. 

"Careful!" Aziraphale cautioned. "Don't hurt yourself."

"Are there reviews?" Ruby asked. "I have to know. We had a bigger turn out last night. I guess being openly feuding with the main bitch in school is a big draw."

"Patience," Aziraphale said. "I made quiche."

"Screw your bloody quiche!" she said. "I wanna know the reviews!"

Aziraphale merely looked at her silently with an amused but patient smile.

She toned it down instantly. "Sorry," she said. "I'm just a little anxious. I didn't mean it. Your quiche sounds lovely."

"I know," he said. "Which is why you haven't checked it yourself, even though you're far more technologically competent. Sit. Eat. Crowley will bring up the reviews."

"I will?" Crowley asked.

Aziraphale nodded. "It's your turn."

"Oh so we're taking turns now?"

"It's called parenting, darling."

Crowley sighed. "Alright." He decided to bring up the school website on his phone.

"Well?" Ruby asked. "Anything? Even one solitary review?"

"You don't have one solitary review," Crowley said.

"Oh," she said, feeling dejected.

Crowley looked up. "You have eight."

She perked up instantly. "What?"

"You have eight reviews."

Aziraphale put a hand to his heart. "Oh Crowley don't _do_ that."

Crowley's face split into a grin. "Oh but it's _fun._ "

"Well don't just stand there!" Ruby commanded. "Are you gonna read them or what?"

"Fine, fine, I'll read them," Crowley said. "Oh this first one looks good. 'Fledgling Unauthorized Shakespearean Performance Reignites Decades Old Controversy.' Good, solid title. Though I don't know how he knew..."

"Knew what?" asked Aziraphale.

"That Ruby's a fledgling," Crowley teased. "I mean, practically literally." He nodded at her wings, which she hadn't bothered to tuck away and had draped unceremoniously across the back of her chair. "Look at the state of those wings! When's the last time you groomed them!"

Ruby raised her eyebrows. "I would've expected the angel to be the one most concerned with the state of my wings."

"Demons are actually far more fastidious groomers," Aziraphale acknowledged. "It's a pride thing."

"This is all very well," said Ruby impatiently. "But this was supposed to be a theatre critique - _not_ a wing critique! Tell me what it _says_!"

"Alright, alright, I'm getting to it," said Crowley. "Alright, so it's so far so good. 'Ruby Fell steps easily into not only the role of Katherine, but the roles of writer, director, and creator of this unauthorized pet project. Anyone who had any doubts when it was announced two weeks ago had them quickly thrown out the window the moment the lights came up. Contemporary renditions of this play tend to make Katherine almost cartoonishly angry in the early scenes with no real context, but this version has acknowledged the real emotional pain and added dimension and clarity to this character. The ending, which has been alternately interpreted as sexist or a harsh commentary on sexism, was brought into sharp focus with the help of an additional scene that turns Katherine from a figure of scorn and mockery to a battered woman who has triumphed - though society will surely punish her for this transgression - against those who would subdue her. Though we're left to interpret that Katherine likely would've been apprehended shortly after the ending, I'd like to imagine her sitting on a beach having a drink with Lady Macbeth.'"

Ruby grinned. "So would I."

"Okay here's another one," Crowley said. "Many of us were shocked and skeptical when we heard that a newcomer had led a cast mutiny and led the understudies into doing a rewrite of Taming of the Shrew. I know I was. As a Shakespeare purist who has laughed along to the Elizabeth Taylor version many times, I thought this would surely be an insult to a classic. Well if this is an insult, William Shakespeare deserves to be insulted. It was a masterful deconstruction that managed to stay true to this story, but show the men as the manipulators they were. I went home immediately after seeing it to compare the two versions, and now there's no doubt in my mind whose is the better story. While Elizabeth Taylor's version starts off with Katherine shrieking and throwing furniture with a wild rage, Ruby Fell's Katherine has more of a simmering rage. She's still loud, she's still violent, but she doesn't allow herself to come off as a one-dimensional shrieking hag for even a second. Elizabeth Taylor was surely trying to make her scene comical, but Ruby Fell managed to highlight clearly how a woman feels when constantly being mocked, ignored, and talked over. So many of us would just accept that. This Katherine doesn't. She doesn't accept it for even a moment, even when clearly faced with everyone's clear favoritism toward her sister. Presenting Katherine and Bianca as two ends of the spectrum - one as sweetness and one as anger - seems so far from the clear reality that Fell has exposed here. There is an anger and resentment that flows between siblings who are pitted so effectively against one another that will come out more strongly in the child who is less favored or less willing to seek favor. Katherine was strong-willed and opinionated, so she never stood a chance against Bianca - the sister who exemplified Elizabethan ideals. Watching this left something to be desired even from Elizabeth Taylor - who, to her credit, did show humanizing moments as her version went on. What Ruby Fell did here is show a woman trapped in a society who doesn't value her. Katherine is pushed to her limits by societally-sanctioned abuse. This approach to the character was distinctly humanizing and brings depth to her as it forces us to confront our own biases against women who stand up for themselves. It was chilling watching this Katherine have her boundaries continually violated by a man - and society - that devalues her. I highly recommend that everyone see this when it's performed at this year's End of Term Festival, so I won't spoil the ending. But let me just say...Where Elizabeth Taylor's Katherine ends as a brainwashed victim, Ruby Fell's takes back Katherine's power by using her abusers own tactics of manipulation against him. It truly is an incredible thing to watch."

Ruby found herself oddly emotional at that one. "That's _exactly_ what I was going for," she said. "I'm so glad it came across."

"The comparisons to Liz," Aziraphale said. "I mean they're not wrong. It's just striking to see anyone be compared to Elizabeth Taylor and be called the better actor."

"I don't think they said I'm a better actor than Elizabeth Taylor," Ruby chuckled. "What they _said_ was they preferred my interpretation of the character."

"Was it hard for you?" Crowley asked. "I know it was difficult for you to play the part as written, but it must've been very challenging digging that deep into this character."

"It was a little difficult," Ruby admitted. "I admit I got a little too close to it. But I think it was worth it."

"The reviewers certainly think so," said Crowley. "Listen to this one: 'After attending Sunday's performance of The Brothers Grimm Spectaculathon, it seemed to me an impossible task that this same group of people could put on not only a Shakespearean production, but one that promised to completely change the genre. _Maybe_ if they'd kept it a comedy, it would be in their wheelhouse. I watched Ruby Fell take on villains and victims alike as she switched effortlessly between fairytale characters and showed off her range. She played one-dimensional villainesses who openly wondered what their motivation was, a Red Riding Hood with a foul mouth who carried weapons in her picnic basket, and a diva Cinderella who abandoned her scene when it didn't go exactly her way. I thought to myself - here's an actress with a lot of comedic potential, but how will she carry such a complex role as Katherine? Especially when this production is rumored to be a horror show? Well, I'm happy to report that Ruby Fell showed off her range yet again, by creating a horror story about a broken woman who is broken further then decides to get revenge. She clearly demonstrated a rage that comes from fear and pain as she created a character who was forced to lash out against unfair circumstances. I was stunned to watch this unfold, but once I got home I realized that it all made sense. On the surface, Fell's Katherine seemed to completely come out of nowhere for someone who's only showed herself through comedy, but if you dig a little deeper it has the makings of a pattern. The Brothers Grimm Spectaculathon entertained by subverting expectation and genre as it exposed the faults of the original authors. This production of Taming of the Shrew was just another example of Ruby Fell taking on an established story and shining a light on the _grim_ mer parts of the narrative in order to cast a more sympathetic light on the often sidelined female characters. I'm excited to see what this team will take on next, because if this pattern holds we should get some great interpretations of other classics at some point in the future."

Ruby didn't quite know how to respond. "I suppose that's true," she said. "I never really thought of it that way."

"You defy archetype, Ruby," Aziraphale said. "Anyone who knows you well would know that. It's not surprising that you'd see other stories about people like you and would want to change their endings as you changed yours."

"Okay, _also_ a good point I hadn't considered," she said. "You know, I hated doing Taming of the Shrew at first. I much preferred doing Brothers Grimm."

"We noticed," said Crowley.

"The vibes were just different," she said. "My input wasn't taken seriously on Taming of the Shrew. Everything had to be very by the book and professional. But Brothers Grimm let me loose a bit. They _asked_ for my opinion. I got to play with things a little."

"So it's no wonder that you decided to mutiny," said Crowley. "You don't stay anywhere long that doesn't at least listen to what you have to say."

"I know you liked it better," said Aziraphale. "After the rebellion. You were a little more stressed in some ways, but you felt free. Uninhibited. You were given room to play with it a little."

"I was also encouraged to," Ruby said. "Miss Zima always says Shakespeare liked to write about the human condition. It stops being relatable if you can't play with it a little in interpretation. It just never occurred to me before that the two plays might be at all connected. Maybe I do pick projects I can play with a little. Still, I wish some of these reviews would mention the rest of my cast and crew. They can't _all_ focus on me! I didn't do _all_ the work!"

Aziraphale smiled. "There's my girl."

"I mean," Crowley said. "They _also_ mention stuff the supporting cast did, they just spent a _lot_ of time talking about you. I was just editing out anything irrelevant."

"Irrelevant meaning not about me?" said Ruby.

"Well, yeah," he shrugged.

"Well it's not irrelevant to me," said Ruby. "A play isn't just one person, it's all of us. I want to hear about how good everyone else was too."

"Alright," Crowley said. "If you insist..."

...

The atmosphere at school that day was different. People who had never talked to her before stopped her to tell her how good the play was or tried to recruit her into their projects. 

"People sure are friendly today," Ruby said.

Selwyn shrugged. "People didn't know anything about you. Now they've seen what you've got and they want on board. Even the people who were sucking up to Quinn are getting a bit more bold now that the reviews say this'll be a tough act to follow."

"It would suck to be Quinn," said Nick as he joined them. He held up his phone and read loudly. "'It almost makes you wonder how you'll ever be able to sit through a comedic performance of Taming of the Shrew ever again.' I mean, really, we've won and she hasn't even started."

"Don't be so sure," said Max, who was walking up on the other side. "Don't forget that Quinn's the real deal, even if we don't like her. She could still bring it. We don't need to get into a false sense of security, because she'll get into Festival for sure. She might have several weeks to hope that everyone will stop talking about us before she debuts, but on the day of, we'll be compared side by side. That's a level of scrutiny that we haven't faced yet."

"You keep talking about this like win or lose," said Chell. "I mean, it's not like we win a prize for being the best."

"We do," said Ruby. "We get the reviews. Without reviews, we basically may as well have not made the effort at all. It's like if a tree falls in a forest, you know? If no one's there to talk about it, then who are we playing for?"

"Ourselves?" said Katie. "Fun?"

"Well, yeah, that," said Ruby. "I'm not saying this is all because we need the attention, but the fact still stands that it would be _really_ nice to get better attention than Quinn. Don't you agree?"

"Yeah," nodded Chell. "It _would_ be nice."

"The reviews kept going on and on about you, Ruby," said Katie. "That must feel nice."

"It does, a bit," she admitted. "But it annoyed me how they barely spent any time talking about you guys. I mean, I couldn't've done it without you. Not just because I needed a supporting cast, but you guys helped with ideas and really pulled this thing together."

"I was very pleased that people kept mentioning the costumes," said Katie bashfully. "It was nice to be recognized."

"Exactly what I mean," she said. "The one review we got on Brothers Grimm basically gave us all equal attention-"

"Not all of us," Chell said. "Just those of us who played the most characters."

"Sure," she said. "But from the way these reviewers talked about us last night, you'd think that I carried the whole weight of it and you guys were an afterthought. That's not true at all."

"You really don't have to worry about us," said Selwyn. "We're used to not being given a lot of credit. We've mostly been crew."

"Or supporting," added Nick.

"But that's what I mean," she said. "You deserve better than that. I don't want you to be my supporting cast, alright? I want you to feel like you have equal value."

"We do," said Chell. 

"Trust me," said Nick. "We know how lucky we are to get to do projects where we're in control."

"And speaking of," said Katie. "What's next for you, Ruby? All the reviews wanted to know. You must have something lined up."

"Not really," she said. "I was hoping I'd have a chance to work with you guys again. I've learned how I can't trust any other cast in this place. But I have no idea how we're gonna top last night. I mean, people's expectations are so high for me right now. This could be my peak and everything else I do is unremarkable."

"Ruby," Nick said. "I severely doubt that."

"There's not a chance in hell that you'd ever be called unremarkable," said Selwyn.

...

The following week was Ruby's first without a therapy appointment, because Maggie was observing Samhain and it would've fallen squarely on the day of their appointment. It felt a little strange to go a week without help, but they were both confident that Ruby could handle it. She was still riding the high of her successful shows, so it was reasonably certain that Halloween would keep her good mood going.

The day of October 31st was strange, but no one could put their finger on why.

Alarm clocks went off, but everyone who attended Greenwood Academy had the strangest feeling that they had nowhere to be. Some people got up to make breakfast, others rolled over and went back to sleep.

The acoustics in Ruby's tower were calibrated perfectly to allow Aziraphale's voice to travel from the ground floor. "Ruby, dear? Are you awake? Breakfast is ready!"

Ruby's eyes came open as she remembered what day it was. Excitement coursed through her veins.

"Coming!" she shouted.

She took a moment to decide whether it was more dramatic to fly downstairs or to teleport. She finally settled on doing things the human way so she could take a look at the decorations.

She ran her hand along the twisted banister as she descended the spiral staircase. They'd spent time the night before draping the railing with the same glow-in-the-dark spiderwebs that were scattered throughout the house. Tiny lanterns were hanging from the banister, but they wouldn't be turned on until it was dark enough to appreciate them. Ruby grinned at the trick mirrors and photographs that seemed to move or watch you with their eyes. She still couldn't believe she'd talked Aziraphale and Crowley into buying those. They'd spent a lot of time on Halloween websites in the weeks leading up to this. 

Skeletons and rubber rats were strategically placed around the parlor. Gourds of some type of other seemed to be on every surface. Ruby's personal favorite were the candles that dripped blood when lit.

She entered the kitchen and smiled at the sign hanging over the stove that said 'Dead and Breakfast: the food is to die for'. That one had been at Aziraphale's insistence. The tablecloth had been replaced by a tattered one that looked bloodied and empty bottles on top of the counters had labels promising poison. 

"How does it look?" Aziraphale asked.

She took a deep breath and realized she'd never felt this at peace in her entire life. "Perfect. Every detail."

"I'm so glad," said Crowley. "So when does everyone get here?"

"Patience, Crowley," Aziraphale said. "She hasn't even had her breakfast yet."

Crowley put his hands in the air. "Right, right, sorry. Don't smite a guy for trying."

"What's for eating?" Ruby asked. "Brains?"

Aziraphale put a plate down on the table in front of Ruby. "What do you think?"

She looked at the plate and couldn't help but grin. Aziraphale had somehow made the pancakes come out in the shape of spiderwebs.

"Amazing," she said. "How did you even...?"

"He's been practicing," said Crowley. "I've eaten all the failed attempts."

"They're pumpkin flavored," Aziraphale said as he backed away graciously. "As the humans say: dig in."

Ruby took a seat and eagerly got to the business of eating. "This is so good. It's almost spooky."

Aziraphale smiled as he understood the attempt at humor. "And that's not all," he said as he put something else in front of her.

Ruby stared at the hollowed-out orange that was filled with fruit. "Oh my god," she said. "Did you make a _Jack-o-lantern_ out of an _orange_? That's genius!"

"I'll teach your friends how to make one later with a bell pepper," he replied.

"Again I say - genius," she replied. "Oh and, Crowley, to answer your question - they won't be here for hours, so chill."

He raised his eyebrows. "Chill?" he repeated. "You want me to _chill_ now? Fine. I'll chill. But then you won't get your surprise."

She blinked. "Surprise?"

"You can't see it yet," Crowley grinned. "It won't look as cool while it's still light out."

Ruby groaned. "Then why even tell me about it now?"

"Because you told me to chill. If you want me to chill, you'll have to chill too."

"You're evil," she said.

"It's in the job description," he said. "Happy Halloween."

She rolled her eyes, but couldn't help but smile. "Happy Halloween."

"I suppose I shouldn't even ask if your coven will be showing up," said Aziraphale.

"Why not?" asked Ruby.

"I assumed they'd be with their families."

Ruby nodded. "You're right. Also Amira says Halloween is appropriative. She's got this idea that it's a bastardization of a sacred holiday."

"Well it is, a bit," said Crowley. "You should ask Wicca about it when she gets here."

"You know she even called me secular," Ruby said. "Like imagine that! A secular witch! I mean I _am_ , but it's hilarious!"

"How are things going with that coven of yours?" Aziraphale asked.

"Well you know I haven't had time to hang out with them lately," she replied. "We've mostly been doing digital magic."

"Digital magic?" Aziraphale repeated.

"Yeah, just small stuff," she explained. "Little things to make sure it works that we can send over the phone. To do anything bigger, we'd have to meet in person. I guess I'll have more time for that next month since I've got nothing else on."

...

Ruby dressed in an off-the-shoulder orange sweater with a jack-o-lantern face on it and black jeans. She wasn't planning on changing into her costume until later.

"Ruby?" Aziraphale said. "Your friend is early."

Ruby peered down the spiral staircase then came down to greet them. "Katie," she said. 

"Sorry we're early," Katie said sheepishly. "We know you said 3 for anyone who wants to do set-up, but we knew it would be hard to find this place."

"It's fine," Ruby said.

"Nice to see you again, Gertrude," said Aziraphale to Katie's grandmother. "You're welcome to stay, if you'd like. I can make more pumpkin tea."

"I'd appreciate some, thank you," Gertrude replied.

"This place looks great so far," Katie said. "I can't believe you _actually_ live in a tower."

Ruby glanced at her phone. "Alright," she said. "Apparently Selwyn missed her bus. She's not going to be able to make it for set up."

"We can come get her," Aziraphale said. "It's no trouble."

"I'll tell her that," Ruby replied. She quickly shot a text in Selwyn's direction. Then she rolled her eyes. "She's saying that's okay, she doesn't mind catching the next bus. But, see, I know she really wanted to help with set-up. She had all this stuff she wanted to teach me to do."

"Tell her we're coming to get her," Crowley said as he came into the parlor. "She's trying to be polite and not be any trouble, but there's no reason we can't teleport to her. Tell her to give us an address and we'll come to her."

Ruby conveyed that message. "...Huh."

"What is it?" Katie asked.

"Nothing," she said. "It's just...huh."

"Can I go with you?" Katie asked. "Teleporting sounds fun."

Ruby glanced at Crowley, who shrugged.

"Only if it's alright with your grandmother," he said.

"Is it safe?" asked Gertrude.

"Yeah," said Crowley. "She's not always entirely accurate with where she ends up, but she always gets it in the end."

"Encouraging."

"Alright," Ruby said. "I'm going to get her now. You coming or what?"

"Yeah!" Katie said eagerly.

"Alright," Ruby said. "Take my arm."

...

Ruby and Katie arrived in the hallway of Greenwood Academy. 

"Why are we at school?" Katie asked.

"I dunno," Ruby admitted. "Let's find Selwyn."

"Selwyn?" Katie called. "We're here to get you!"

Selwyn poked her head out of the door. "Gimme just a sec," she said before ducking back inside.

Ruby and Katie exchanged a look then followed her into a room with a bed and a desk. Selwyn was packing things into a bag.

"Hey Selwyn, what is this?" Katie asked.

But Ruby was understanding. "You _live_ here?" she asked. It suddenly occurred to her that she'd never actually seen Selwyn leave the school unless it was with them.

Selwyn appeared slightly embarrassed. "Uh, yeah. I don't exactly advertise it."

"Are you alright?" Ruby asked. "Do you need help?"

"Help?" Selwyn asked. "No. I've got it under control. Got plenty of help."

"But you live _here_ -"

Selwyn slung her pack over her shoulder. "I'm ready to go."

Ruby just looked at her for a second then held out her arm. "Alright. Let's go."

...

They arrived back at Fell Cottage. 

"Wow, it looks great in here," said Selwyn. "Where can we set up?"

"I assume we're doing decorations first?" Katie suggested.

"That's right," Selwyn nodded. 

"Kitchen table," Ruby said.

...

Selwyn got out her supplies and started teaching them how to make paper pumpkins, ghosts, cats, and bats that they'd string up like streamers. "Later on I can teach you this trick with black lights that makes you look like you've got ectoplasm glowing on your stairs."

"Wicked," Katie said. "And we're making edible blood too?"

Selwyn nodded. "Later."

"Thanks for letting me do this," said Katie. "I really can't thank you guys enough for how cool you've been since this whole thing."

"We'd never blame you for being depressed," Selwyn said. "Trust me, I get what it feels like to want to..."

Ruby just looked at the human. "You alright, Selwyn?"

"Right now?" the human said. "Yeah." She sighed. "I guess there's a lot you don't know about me, isn't there? I wanted to keep it quiet. Usually when people find out about me, they get all awkward. Start treating me different."

"What do you mean?" Ruby asked. She recalled Chell saying something about Selwyn being fragile, but she honestly hadn't thought about it since.

Selwyn still avoided looking at either of them. "It's true that I, uh, live on campus."

"It just wouldn't be practical to commute every day from Wales," Katie said. "We get that."

"Yeah, I mean, I guess there's that, but also," Selwyn said. "I mean...Have you ever heard of Aspergers?" She covered it well, but Ruby thought she saw a small flicker of discomfort in Selwyn's eyes when she said that word. There was definitely a slight nervous edge to her voice.

"I think so," Katie said. "That's like...what geniuses have, isn't it?"

"Not always," said Selwyn. "And thankfully, they've stopped calling it that now, but that's just the name people recognize. I was diagnosed when I was a kid. I was always different. Too sensitive, too weird. They thought after I was diagnosed that I'd be some big genius, but I...I just get overwhelmed so easy. And I find it so hard to do anything I'm not interested in or that challenges me too much. I just shut down when anything gets too hard. Anyway, like, it started to get to me. Back in June, when we were supposed to be applying to school. My mum would let me do this tech stuff, but she didn't think it was practical for a career. She thought I just needed to train to get an office job. I tried for a bit, but it just...It got to this point where I couldn't..." Tears sprang to her eyes. "There's stuff in my life, you know, and it's not as bad as the stuff that happened in yours, but I've never been good enough. Never lived up to expectations or been the person that people want me to be. I wish I could just be _normal,_ you know? But I just can't...So back in June, I...I gave up. I went out into the street and just sat there. Waiting."

"I understand," Ruby said. "I know what it's like to feel that way."

"I don't know what it was," Selwyn said. "If it was just luck or what...But a car stopped. It was Miss Zima. She took me somewhere quiet and we talked. She got me into treatment. She helped me apply here. She made sure I had a place to stay, because it was obvious that going back home every day would just help me feel worse. I love and miss my family, but they just...They don't understand. If I don't do this, if I just give up and grow up, I'll just die. I can't live like that."

Ruby was trying hard not to cry. "I understand."

"Do you? Because it's like I'm speaking a different language to everyone else all the time and I keep trying to translate, but people just look at me like I'm mental. I feel like nothing I say makes sense and I just know everyone will leave me eventually because no one can deal with me when I get bad."

"I know what that feels like, sort of," said Ruby. "Not because of like...your reasons, but like...Before I met my dads, I was with bad people. They hurt me. They made me feel like I was losing my mind and had nothing valuable to contribute to the world unless I was the person they expected me to be. And I want you to understand something, Selwyn. You've _never_ said or done anything that's been incomprehensible to me. You've always been very clear and made perfect sense. It's just that the people we're used to being around aren't interested in who we really are. They want us to fit into their idea of what a person should be. You said it's like you keep trying to translate. Why aren't people trying to learn your language?"

She wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry. I feel so silly now. Like why can't I just be normal and live like a normal person? Other people can do these things, but I can't manage it? You've both been through worse. Why can't I be stronger?"

"You don't need to be stronger," said Ruby. "You just need support. None of us can do this alone. Back when I was alone, I felt like I couldn't do anything. I'd been raised to believe that everything I thought or felt or believed or wanted was wrong. One time I...I stole a few bottles of alcohol. Don't remember what kind. It didn't matter. I'd heard of alcohol poisoning and I thought if I could just...But it didn't work. Whether I didn't drink enough or it was an act of God, I kept living. I was sort of hoping that hypothermia would get me anyway, because I was outside and it was winter. I was just lying there trying to die. And it sucked. I don't really like alcohol, you know? It makes me sick and sleepy and depressed. I barely remember it but like...this guy...I opened my eyes and he was just...He was tugging on my leg. It took me a second to figure out what he had in mind."

Ruby felt a hand on her shoulder and turned around to see Aziraphale with Crowley a few steps behind him.

"Did he hurt you?" Aziraphale asked. He was sympathetic and worried, but she could see a flicker of anger behind his eyes.

She shook her head. "No," she replied. "He didn't have a chance. I kicked him in the face and ran. That was not long before you found me. A few days at most."

Aziraphale hugged her and she accepted it for a moment before turning back to Selwyn. "But that's my point, you understand? I _could_ do things on my own, but I wasn't doing great. You could say that staying alive the way I did was strong, but it was something I shouldn't have to do. I didn't find my real strength til I found people who were willing to try to understand me. And that's what I'm offering to you guys. I want to try to understand what you're going through. Because you don't have to go through it alone."

"Thank you, Ruby," Selwyn said. 

Katie wiped her eyes. "This is getting proper emo. Were we making streamers or what?"

Ruby smiled, grateful for the distraction. "Yeah. Let me turn on some music."

...

Max, Chell, and Nick carpooled. They managed to make it to Ruby's at the same time as Bradley.

Bradley put his hands up. "I don't want any trouble," he said. "Ruby invited me. Let's just try to be civil tonight, alright?"

"I will if you will," said Nick.

Bradley nodded at the decorations. There were flicker bulbs in the porch light, cobwebs everywhere, plastic tombstones, and even an animatronic zombie. "Sick decorations."

"I'd expect nothing less from Ruby."

They rang the doorbell, which had been replaced with a spooky sound effect like a clap of thunder.

Aziraphale opened the door. He'd Miracled his hair to look black and had a painted on mustache. He wore a black and white striped suit.

"Welcome!" he said jovially. "Happy Halloween!"

The kids entered and were greeted with a marvelous sight. The lanterns on the stairs were flicker bulbs in different colors. The black lights on the ceiling illuminated the staircase that seemed to be dripping with glowing green slime.

"Is that a black flame candle?" asked Nick.

"Ruby insisted on it," said an almost unrecognizable person near the staircase. Crowley was in a long black dress with a black wig that cascaded around her shoulders.

"Woah," Chell said.

Ruby descended the staircase with a black wig that was braided on either side of her face. She wore a black dress with a white collar.

"Wait a second!" said Bradley. "I see what this is! You're the Addams family!"

Ruby grinned. "Good, isn't it?"

"Ruby insisted on it," Aziraphale replied.

"We watched the Addams Family on my birthday, remember?" Ruby grinned. 

"We did," said Aziraphale warmly.

"And who are you?" Ruby asked. She examined her friends. "Bradley...Zombie?"

"Busted," he said.

"And Nick...Dracula?"

He lifted his cape and hissed.

Ruby smiled. "And Max...Beetlejuice?"

Max smiled. "It's showtime."

"Which leaves Chell," Ruby said. She considered this for a moment. "Haunted doll?"

"You're good," Chell said. "Where are Katie and Selwyn?"

"Here," said Katie, waving from the kitchen.

Chell laughed. "Nice cat costume."

"Selwyn?" Bradley exclaimed. "Are you a Psyduck?"

Selwyn smiled bashfully and pulled the hood of her costume tighter around her face. "Yeah, sorry, I knew I should try for something less dumb, but-"

"It's not dumb," Bradley said. "It's adorable."

Ruby clapped her hands together. "We're gonna make food soon," she said. "But first...Who wants to see my mushrooms?"

...

Ruby's room was adorned with many Halloween decorations. They'd managed to find a canopy for her bed that looked like cobwebs, and the black lights showed off her impressive fungal collection.

"I've only been growing them for a few months," Ruby said. "But they're coming along nicely, don't'cha think?"

Max examined a tapestry on the wall. "Gryffindor?" 

"Yeah," Ruby said.

"You a big Harry Potter fan?"

Ruby could detect a curious edge of anxiety in Max's voice, as if this were a dangerous question.

"Harry Potter saved my life," she answered honestly. 

Max nodded. "Yeah, okay. Cool."

Ruby started to ask Max what was wrong, but was distracted by Aziraphale calling them from downstairs.

"We have Trick or Treaters!"

Nick made a funny face. "No we don't," he said. "This is England. Haven't you seen that Fry and Laurie sketch?"

"We invited Adam and his friends," Ruby said. "I think they should get to do this once."

...

They opened the door.

"Let me guess," Ruby said. "Adam's....Jack Skellington. Pepper's...Wonder Woman. Wensleydale...You're a knight?"

"King Arthur," Wensleydale said. 

"Right," Ruby nodded. "I just can't figure out what Brian is."

"Is that supposed to be Wheatley?" Selwyn said. "From Portal?"

"Oh my god, it is!" said Bradley.

"Cool costume," acknowledged Nick.

"Told you someone would get it," said Brian.

"Everyone take some candy then get inside," Ruby said.

"Anything for free candy," said Wensleydale.

"Did we miss the pumpkin carving contest?" Anathema asked as she stepped inside.

Ruby smiled. "Red Riding Hood?"

"Wendy," she replied. "From Casper Meets Wendy."

"Right," Ruby said. "And Newt..." She turned her gaze on him. "Maybe I'm biased, but if we _had_ a costume contest, I'd give it to you. Cyberman?"

"Delete!" he said enthusiastically.

Anathema rolled her eyes.

"Terrifying," Ruby said. "Isn't it, everyone?"

"Dreadfully," said Crowley sarcastically.

"And to answer your question," Aziraphale replied. "You're just in time for the pumpkin carving."

...

Everyone had a chance to decorate their own pumpkins. Ruby's was a bat, Aziraphale's was a classic jack-o-lantern, Crowley's was a crescent moon. Max, Chell, and Nick carved a skeleton, an upside-down face, and a witch hat respectively. Selwyn declined to carve one and just painted a face on hers. Anathema and Newt did a hag and a TARDIS. Adam, Pepper, Wensleydale, and Brian decided they didn't much fancy doing pumpkins and just messed with the pumpkin guts.

Selwyn watched two pumpkins carve themselves, almost as if by magic. "I still can't believe ghosts are real," she said.

"Halloween is fun," Lethe said.

"It is," said Wicca.

"You don't think it's offensive to your people?" Ruby asked.

"I mean, sure," Wicca said. "Technically it's a secular bastardization of my sacred holiday, but I've learned to live with it. Or not _live..._ Point is, normally I'd be pissed that my people were persecuted only to have our celebrations eventually bastardized and commodified, but it seems to make you very happy."

"And that matters?"

Wicca smiled. "I've watched you, Ruby Fell. You're normally ten different kinds of stress. You're not like that tonight. The mask is finally off. This is the real, uninhibited you. If a bastardization of my sacred traditions can make you this happy, then I want you to have it."

"That's gay," said Nick.

"I was gay before the invention of the rain bow, don't test me, boy."

Ruby, Nick, and Lethe laughed.

"What?" Selwyn said. "What's the ghost saying? Come _On_ , you guys! Tell me what the ghost said that was so gay!:

Aziraphale had the time of his life teaching the kids how to make Halloween-themed personal pan pizzas, jack-o-lanterns that were made from bell peppers and filled with macaroni, and cauldron dip. 

Aziraphale noticed immediately during the dinner prep that Selwyn wasn't really enthusiastic. It took him a moment to realize why.

"Oh," he said gently. "Of course. Yes, this explains everything. I always wondered why you never really ate when you're over here."

"Hm?" Selwyn said.

"I overheard you say you have autism," he said. "You should've said something...I mean, it's your business, of course, and I'd never pry. But if you have special dietary needs, I'd be happy to provide alternatives."

"Most people act like it's such a big deal," she admitted. "I didn't want to be rude."

"It's not trouble at all," he assured her. "I enjoy a culinary challenge. What can I make for you?"

"Everything looks fine," she said. "Especially the dessert."

"But what would you rather have?"

She hesitated. "Sandwich?"

He smiled. "Well that's easy. We can even make it spooky. I'll cut it to look like a ghost."

He walked away to find some ingredients. Katie's grandmother took that opportunity to speak to him and Crowley.

"They look happy," she said.

"They do," Aziraphale replied.

"I never imagined Katie would get to be this happy," she said. "I never imagined she'd be able to be accepted by her peers and have actual friends."

"I had the same fears about Ruby," Aziraphale said. 

"You're not still afraid?"

"Oh I'm terrified," Aziraphale said. "This is the scariest thing I've ever done. But Ruby trusts them. I have to trust that she won't get hurt somehow."

A psychobilly song began playing on Ruby's Halloween playlist. She gasped audibly as a slow grin crossed her face. "I _love_ this song!"

"Why are you acting so shocked?" Aziraphale asked. "You _made_ this playlist!"

"I forgot what I put on it!" she said cheerfully. She held out beckoning arms to Crowley. 

Crowley shook her head fervently. "No. Absolutely not."

"Dance with me?" she said.

"I wouldn't exactly call that _dancing._ It's just something you made up."

She pretended to pout but smiled as the song got properly started. She began doing what was essentially a sloppy version of the twist as she sang along.

"Oh baby, your asphalt eater hung ten! The hoedads and gremmies say you reached top end! Now do the dead!" She put her arms out straight in front of her like a stereotypical zombie. She's move them up and down alternately like a stiffer version of the monkey. "Through the lights! The surfin' dead! Make it tight! The livin' dead, now baby, lose their heads, now baby, do the dead!"

"I've got to get in on this!" said Bradley. He came to stand next to Ruby and mimic her movements.

"Me too!" said Lethe.

"Woah!" Max said. "Why can I see you guys all of a sudden?"

Anathema glanced out of the window. "Sundown. The veil has been lifted. The living and the dead walk together."

"Well tonight, the living and the dead will _dance_ together!" Ruby insisted. "Everyone up!"

There was some initial grumbling and protest, but Ruby's rare enthusiasm was incredibly infectious. Apart from Ruby and Crowley, nobody knew the words, but everyone got the hang of the moves quickly enough. Ruby's dance was some combination of the twist, the monkey, and loose headbanging. The teenagers had no trouble adding their own moves.

"Now life is short and it's filled with stuff! So let me know, baby, when you've had enough! Oh do the dead! Turn blue! The surfin' dead! Dead as you! There's nothing on the radio when you're dead! There's nothing at the movie show when you're dead! There's nowhere left for you to go when you're dead! So do the dead!"

...

For dessert, Aziraphale planned witch finger cookies, candied apples (in a variety of colors), and ghost smores dip. He also set up a Halloween hot chocolate bar in which they could create different colors (including blood colored) and included topping such as whipped cream, pumpkin whipped cream, sprinkles, hot fudge, spices, pumpkin flavoring, and marshmallows. They provided edible markers and food coloring so everyone could color and decorate their own marshmallows. Ruby made her marshmallows into ghosts, Katie made little tombstones, Selwyn made ghost faces, Nick made little poison skull and crossbones, and the others just satisfied themselves by dyeing their marshmallows neon colors.

Once everyone had their dessert, Anathema and Newt took the younger kids home while Aziraphale and Crowley everyone else outside.

"First, Ruby's surprise," Crowley said as he opened the greenhouse door.

Ruby's jaw dropped. "You said it was too expensive!"

Aziraphale shrugged. "We decided to budget it in."

It was an animatronic of a green man suspended in a large tank.

"So cool," Ruby said.

...

Aziraphale and Crowley led them to the edge of Devil's Dyke, where they'd constructed a small bonfire.

"Bonfire night's not for days," Chell said.

"It's traditional in other parts of the world to have bonfires on Halloween," Ruby said. 

They sat around the bonfire.

"Don't you get lonely?" Katie asked Selwyn. "Living there all by yourself?"

"At least I'm in the city," Selwyn replied. "I'd go bonkers all the way out here in the sticks." She looked up at the full moon. "Though it _is_ lovely at night."

"Where are you staying right now?" Aziraphale asked Katie.

"We've got rooms that we rent out in the Inn," her grandmother said. "Just in case we have to move."

"There's a small building back in the woods behind the house," he said. "We could fix it up for you. Give you somewhere proper to stay where you don't have to worry about people. Maybe your Katie and our Ruby could work together at getting more in control of their conditions."

"That's a lovely idea," Gertrude said. "We'll think about it."

"I love Halloween," Ruby said. "I don't know why it's not more popular here. It's such a safe holiday."

"Not traditionally," Bradley laughed.

"It is for people like me," she said. "People like us, I guess. We can dress up and be anyone we like. Up until I moved here, I never felt more myself than when I was in some costume. Though people where I'm from didn't celebrate either."

"Guess that's why you do theatre," Selwyn said. "It's just another way to get outside yourself in a way you can control. I get that. I do theatre because it's the only world I can control. It's not like the world out here where there are no rules and things just happen."

"The stage is a safe place," Chell said.

"Unless you're Spiderman," Nick joked.

Bradley jokingly made the sign of the cross and the other thespians bowed their heads in acknowledgement.

But Ruby was puzzled. "Why Spiderman?" she asked.

"You didn't hear about the Spiderman musical?" Max asked. "It's practically a cautionary tale at this point."

"I don't even know what Spiderman is," Lethe said. 

"See?" Ruby said. "At least I'm more hip to the pop culture than Lethe is."

"You were a Druid, right?" Selwyn asked Wicca.

"Still am," said Wicca.

"Are we being, like, disrespectful of your heritage? Should we, like, ask you to teach us how to do your traditions?"

Wicca considered her response carefully. "No, I don't think so. You can ask me about my people and our traditions and I'll tell you, but my culture belongs to me. I don't know if this makes sense, but if you celebrated the way we did, it would be a performance or a game. It wouldn't be connected to the spiritual identity of my people. I'd rather not tear it out of its context like that."

"No, that makes sense," said Max.

"Not everything has changed about it, though. Costumes, scary stories, bonfires...You know that's an old word, bonfire. We used to throw the bones of the dead on the fire and feel the loss."

"It must be nice to have a cultural context," said Lethe. "I mean I know it has to hurt, but at least you're someone, you know? I'm just sort of floating around this strange place not knowing where to belong."

"I get that," said Chell. "It would be better off knowing something - _Anything -_ about someone like me."

"I think that's all we want," Ruby said. "Just somewhere to go where people understand us. We want to be part of something. I wasn't part of anything til I was part of this family. And now I'm doing theatre! It's always nice to belong somewhere. Halloween has always felt like my safe place where I can be someone else. Here tonight I feel like it's our safe place to be who we are."

"You mean that?" Max said.

"Yeah," Ruby said. "Why wouldn't I?"

"You like Harry Potter."

"Yeah. So?"

"I don't mean to be..." Max said. "I know it saved your life or whatever, but I just...Do you agree with her? J.K. Rowling? Even when you have genderless parents?"

Ruby was puzzled. "What do you mean? Agree about what?"

"You know, about transgender people."

Ruby blinked. "No, I didn't. What did she say?"

"I'd rather not repeat it," Max said. "It's really bigoted. I just..."

"Max? You alright?"

"I'm just tired, alright? I'm tired of not knowing if I can trust anyone and I wanted to trust you because of your parents, but the Harry Potter stuff made me think maybe it wasn't safe..."

"It's safe, Max," Ruby said. "What's wrong?"

"I just think, maybe..." Max said slowly. "I don't have a gender. I never felt right with one. I'm not saying I wanna drop 'she' pronouns immediately overnight or anything, just..."

"Oh," Nick said. "How long have you known?"

Max shrugged. "A few years. I just didn't know if I could trust anyone...I'm sorry..."

"You don't have to be sorry," Chell said in a low voice. "Everyone has secrets sometimes."

"Do you?" Max asked. "Something that big and scary? Last I checked, you were out about the whole liking girls thing."

"Yeah, sure," said Chell. "But I'm always afraid that me liking girls isn't enough, you know?"

"Why?"

"Because there's no way they'd like me."

"Don't be silly, Chell," Bradley said. "You're a catch-"

"I'm..." She started to say something, but thought better of it. "Not gonna steal Max's moment. This is her - they're - coming out."

Max frowned. "No, what is it?"

"You'll just think I'm a freak. This isn't exactly something that's polite to talk about."

"You can't be freakier than us," said Katie. "Seriously, we're not gonna judge."

"I'm..." Chell took a deep breath then sighed. "Do you know what intersex is?"

All the teenagers shook their heads.

"Oh wait," Ruby said, comprehension dawning. "Crowley told me about this, it's-"

"They used to call it being a hermaphrodite," said Chell. "But if you call me that, I'll punch you in the teeth."

"Oh," Max said.

"Yeah. My parents got me the surgery when they adopted me. I didn't know until a few years ago. Apparently they assigned me the wrong way, but it was too late. So now I'm on hormones to help. But it's too late. I already ID as a girl and look like a girl, so why not?"

"Biological sex and gender are very complicated," said Crowley. "I'm sorry that was done to you. You weren't given a choice."

"You're not a freak, Chell," said Bradley. "You're our friend."

"Be fair, Bradley," Nick said. "She can be a freak _and_ our friend. We all have things about us that people don't want to understand, Chell. Yours just happens to be that you secretly unironically like Twilight."

Chell punched him in the arm. "I swear to _god_ -" But she grinned anyway. She felt so much better now, like a weight had been lifted. "Thanks."

"For what?" Katie said.

"For being so great about it. I've been depressed for years, ever since..."

"Oh," Selwyn said. "That's why you were in hospital at the same time as me?" She put a hand over her mouth. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't've told them you were in hospital."

"It's alright," Chell said. "Funny that I kept it a secret all these months that I saw you while I was in there and you blow the secret in a single night, but alright."

"It is," said Selwyn. "I told them tonight about...Everything that happened with me over the summer. Pretty much everyone knows now."

"Guess we're all out about something now," said Max.

"I guess these things are complicated," said Ruby. "The reasons we end up the way we do."

"It's never just one thing," said Selwyn. "I think we want to pretend it's one simple reason, but everything sort of snowballs."

"I'm glad we're here now," said Nick.

"Me too," said Ruby. "Funny that Halloween is the one night of the year where we feel safe enough to take off our masks. I mean, I've been sitting here for a week thinking how lucky I am to accidentally find the one group of humans that doesn't press me for details or ask questions I can't answer, when all along you've all had secrets too."

"We get the value in waiting," said Nick. "If you're ever ready to tell us what your deal is, we're on the edge of our seats here. But until you're ready, it's your secret to hold onto."

She smiled. "Happy Halloween?" 

"Happy Halloween," everyone echoed.

"I just realized what's weird," said Selwyn. "It's been bugging me all day. It's Wednesday, isn't it?"

Comprehension slowly dawned on everyone else. 

"Yeah," said Bradley. "But I feel like it's Saturday. Like I had nowhere to be all day. Like I have nowhere to be tomorrow."

"It's also not supposed to be a full moon," said Crowley. "Ruby has that moon chart in her tower. It's not supposed to be a full moon."

Aziraphale realized what the cause must be. "Ruby? Did you accidentally effect time again?"

"I didn't mean to," she said. "But I think so."

Aziraphale smiled and put an arm around her. "I expect it'll wear off after tomorrow. This is your Halloween, Ruby. Time is bending to your wishes."

Nick watched this in wonder. "Ruby, you and your parents like each other too much."

"It's seriously weird," said Chell.

Ruby started laughing, and Aziraphale and Crowley followed suit.

"What?" Nick said. "What's funny?"

"Nothing," Ruby said. "We do. Like each other a lot. And it _is_ weird. You're absolutely right."

"Uh oh," Nick teased. "Ruby made a full moon. Now Katie's gonna go all wolfy."

Katie punched him on the arm. "I _told_ you, the full moon has nothing to do with it!"

"Don't tease her, Nick," Selwyn protested.

"No it's fine," Katie grinned. "It's actually alright when it's you guys. Makes me feel like I'm part of the group. Besides, I know Nick can't help but be a prick."

"Bite me," he grinned.

"You're not my type," she shot back.

"But can we get back to the point?" Ruby asked. "Can someone explain to me what Rowling said that was so bad?"

"It was just real messed up," said Selwyn. "Comparing trans women to predatory men, saying they prey on autistic children. Like excuse me? Don't bring _me_ into this..."

Crowley shrugged. "She's said not great things about werewolves being an AIDS metaphor, but I was willing to overlook that because it was so important to you."

"You get what you get out of media," Aziraphale said. "Regardless of original intent."

"We just never considered that it could be seen as a signal to other people that you were on her side of the issue," Crowley said. "We know you too well by now to think you'd agree, but others don't know you that well."

"Does that mean I'm not allowed to still like Harry Potter?" she asked. "I mean, I know that's not the most important issue right now, but I want to make sure."

"You don't have to stop liking it, Ruby," Max said.

"But I should consider the message I send when I blindly endorse it," she said. "Right? Because I don't want people to think I'm not a safe person to be around."

"And learn from it," said Crowley. "It's one thing to cut it out of your life entirely, but it doesn't mean you're free from bias. You have to find it in yourself. Be better than your heroes."

"First Shakespeare and the Grimm Brothers, now this," Ruby nodded. "Be better than your heroes. I can try that."

Max made a face. "So does that mean our next project is...Harry Potter?"

"God, no," Ruby said. "Do I look like I wanna get sued? Besides, Starkid did that already. I just wanna do something fun. You know what was fun in a sort of terrifying way? The audience participation bits in Brothers Grimm. I like that improv-y kind of stuff."

"Then why don't we start an improv group?" asked Bradley.

A moment of silence followed these words.

"You can't be serious," Chell said.

"Why not?" Bradley replied. "Could be fun."

"Improv group?" Ruby said. "Is that like a thing?"

"Yeah," he said. "I always thought it would be fun."

"Huh," Ruby said. "That's an idea."

"Are you actually considering it?" said Nick.

Ruby nodded. "Anyone else in?"

Another moment of silence.

"I can't believe you're talking me into this," said Max.

"Well I guess if Max is, so am I," said Chell.

"I'd like to say for the record, I'm being dragged in unwillingly," said Nick.

Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a look.

"Improv group?" Crowley muttered out of the corner of his mouth.

"Good lord," whispered Aziraphale.

"I mean, at the very least, it's less embarrassing than being a magician," Nick said.

The Fells exchanged amused glances.

"I dunno," Selwyn said. "As a techie, I love a good magician."

"Well in that case..." Aziraphale said with a sly grin. 

Crowley groaned. "Don't you two start, please, I'm begging you..."

"Ruby, would you care to be my lovely assistant?"

"Don't mind if I do," she grinned.

Aziraphale had improved significantly in the area of human illusion since he'd begun teaching Ruby. She was a natural, so it was difficult to keep up with her. 

...

It got cold, so they all came inside eventually to watch some Halloween-themed movies.

Aziraphale and Crowley had given the children a moment by showing Gertrude to the little cottage in the woods (which she agreed might be a fine place to settle if they could get it cleaned up), so when they returned it was to find a group of happy, if very sleepy, teenagers in the living room.

Aziraphale smiled. "You children look exhausted. It's a long drive back to town - why don't you notify your parents that you'll be staying the night?" He turned to Gertrude. "Only if it's alright with you, of course."

Gertrude was visibly nervous. She'd never left Katie anywhere overnight. "If Katie would like to stay, she's free to."

Katie lit up. "Wait seriously? I can stay?"

Gertrude smiled. "If that's what you want."

Katie got up and hugged her grandmother.

"I have the emergency bag in the car," the old woman whispered. "I'll go get it for you so you have a change of clothes." She drew away and gazed at her granddaughter. "Be safe."

"I will," she promised.

The old woman left to get Katie's overnight bag.

"So I take it the rest of you are staying?" Aziraphale asked.

"A slumber party at the Fells," said Chell. "Wild."

"I've never been to a slumber party before," said Katie.

"Me neither," said Ruby. 

"I'm not used to having real friends," the werewolf replied. "Usually have to keep my distance."

"And I'm just not used to people liking me," said Ruby. "I mean, I sort of thought you guys might not show up today. All I ever wanted was a real Halloween party, but like...You can't have that if nobody likes you."

"You're so emo," Katie teased. 

But Ruby could hear the note of sympathy and understanding in her tone. "A bit, yeah."

Aziraphale smiled warmly. "I think we're going to turn in for the night. Need anything before we go?"

"Nah we're good," Ruby said. "Love you."

"Love you too," Aziraphale replied.

"God, are you guys _always_ like this?" Nick complained.

"Pretty much," Ruby laughed. "Goodnight, you two."

"Goodnight," Crowley said. "And Happy Halloween." He started to go before thinking better of it. "Sound bubble?"

Ruby nodded. "Sound bubble. Good thinking."

He nodded then he and Aziraphale left for the night.

"Sound bubble?" Selwyn asked.

"I listen to a lot of loud music or loud tv so sometimes if I'm up late we put a sound bubble around the room so I won't disturb them. Only overrides are if I'm getting axe murdered, in which case they'll have felt it by then anyway."

"Sounds like a nifty trick," said Nick. "I could use that sometimes. Bet your dads use it all the time."

"Why?"

He gave her a suggestive look. "Well...you know...I would if I had a partner who looked like that..."

It clicked into place. She shoved him. " _Ew,_ Nick! Don't be gross!"

"We resist the things we know as truth," Nick teased.

" _Ew,"_ she protested. "That kind of thing doesn' happen in this house!"

"And just how did you think you got here, then?"

Ruby and the others exchanged a look theb replied in unison: "The magic of the devil!"

...

Aziraphale and Crowley had just enough time to hear the laughter before the sound bubble went up.

"I'm a little surprised at you, Zira," Crowley said.

"Whatever for?" Aziraphale replied.

"Mr. 'We can't have a _human_ in our home under any circumstances' has let not one, not two, but _five_ additional humans and a _werewolf_ stay overnight. And that's not even counting the humans who were traipsing about here during the day."

Aziraphale lifted his shoulders in a sort of half-hearted, sheepish shrug. "She's happy."

And that's all he had to say. As far as Aziraphale could see, this was one of the happiest Ruby had ever had. Of course he'd extend it however he could. 

Crowley kissed him slowly. "Happy Halloween."

Aziraphale practically glowed when he replied. "Happy Halloween."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be back the week after Christmas with 3 new chapters! In case you're not familiar with my history, I have well documented religious trauma, so I tend to just not acknowledge the holidays. So I'll see you soon with 3 new chapters - two of which will be out before the New Year!


	43. Paper Bag

Ruby rubbed her eyes as she entered the kitchen.

"Morning," she said, her voice cracking with sleep.

Crowley was cradling his cup of coffee as he lounged over the kitchen table. "You're up early."

"Hope we didn't wake you," said Aziraphale, from his place by the refrigerator.

She smiled. "Sound bubble, remember? What's for eating?"

"Haven't decided yet," Aziraphale said. "We have so much extra pumpkin left over, if you're not already sick of it."

"Never sick of pumpkin," she said.

"Good," he said. "I'll make waffles."

"Sounds good."

"Tea or hot chocolate?"

"Always with the impossible decisions, aren't you? Ehhhhh...I feel like hot chocolate with waffles."

"She never gets sick of hot chocolate," Crowley remarked.

"Would you like a bit of pumpkin flavor in the hot chocolate as well?" Aziraphale asked.

"Surprise me."

Aziraphale smiled. "Good Halloween?"

She nodded happily. "The best. Exactly what I always wanted."

"I'm so glad. I'm still sorry that we had to say no on Ariela coming."

She raised her eyebrows. "Did you really say 'no' so much as you said it was inadvisable? It's fine, I know if it had been important to me, you would've let her come. She's really cool, we get along, but we don't exactly move in the same circles."

Crowley nodded. "She's, what, a year above you?"

"That's right," Ruby agreed. "I'm guessing the hesitation about her isn't anything to do with her. It's more to do with who she is."

"It's a lot of secrets," Crowley said. "Remember what you found when you looked it up?"

"Yeah," she said. "And, yeah, I get it. Her dad's an important person in South American government or whatever. Could be that she's in some kind of trouble. Maybe there's some way we could help..."

Crowley shook his head. "Could be that if we press the issue, we won't just get us recognized, we'll get her recognized. And if there's a good reason why she's hiding who she is, that could put her in danger."

"I understand," Ruby said. 

Neither of her parents could sense any hesitation or discomfort with that statement. She _did_ understand. Perfectly well, as a matter of fact.

"Still," she said with a smile. "It _was_ a good Halloween."

"So there was no, as you say, drama of any kind?" Aziraphale asked. "Nothing to spoil the mood?"

"No," she said suspiciously. "Why do you ask?"

"I only wondered," he said in an off-hand sort of way. "But that's good. Perhaps those nice boys are making up."

"Zira, don't get involved," Crowley grumbled.

Ruby's brow wrinkled. "What do you mean?" she asked. She glanced toward the living room, where her friends were all still sleeping. "Oh like Nick and Bradley? I mean, I guess they were being civil last night, but why shouldn't they be? I mean, all that drama's behind us now. We're moving on..." She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at Aziraphale as a thought occurred to her. "Hold on. You were the one who suggested I invite Bradley. I specifically remember now. I asked if we could invite Ariela, you said it would be inadvisable, and you changed the subject to suggest 'that nice young man with the funny jokes from the play'. I'm beginning to think you may have had an ulterior motive for that."

"No," Aziraphale lied. "No ulterior motive..."

"Oh for Satan's sake, Aziraphale," Crowley groaned. "You were _meddling_ again. Just admit it."

"Well, maybe a little," he admitted.

"Why?" Ruby demanded. 

"I just thought perhaps those boys could use a little, eh...quality group time. So they could coexist peacefully, you know. Eventually work through this rough patch."

"What in the name of sanity are you _talking_ about? What _rough patch_? Those two aren't that close to begin with. Nick's just giving Bradley a hard time because he abandoned us."

"Really," Crowley chuckled under his breath. "Those two aren't that close? Sure, maybe if you're blind. And we're just two mortal enemies."

"I really don't understand what you're getting at..." It took her groggy mind a moment to catch up. "Oh. Oh you don't think _they're..._ Oh sorry, I see the confusion. Nick and Bradley just hooked up a few times over the summer. We all know that. It's not like it was ever a big deal or turned into anything. Those two don't even hang out."

Crowley was incredibly amused. "You're normally more observant than this, Ruby."

She put her hands on her hips. "And what's _that_ supposed to mean?"

He nodded toward the living room. "Look at them."

She followed his gaze toward the living room, where everyone had been miracled their own unusually cozy sleeping bag. "And what am I supposed to see? They're on opposite sides of the room."

"Oh they're on opposite _sides_..." Aziraphale chuckled.

"Look at the body language," Crowley said patiently. "Totally opposite sides of the room by design. Giving each other space. But they're facing each other."

"That doesn't mean anything," she said dismissively.

"They fell asleep facing each other with their phones in their hands."

"Which means what, Benedict Cumberbatch?"

"Well, could be nothing," he teased. "Or could be they fell asleep texting each other."

"What?" She looked back at them. "No...You don't think..." She tilted her head to the side to get a better angle. "...huh."

"If they told you there was nothing going on between them, they're lying," Aziraphale said. "But best not say anything. It could put them in an uncomfortable situation."

"And speaking of uncomfortable situations," said Crowley. "How's our actual teenage werewolf doing?"

"She's doing fine, near as I can tell," Ruby said. "But this all has to suck for her, you know? Have we made much progress on a cure yet?"

"Not so much," Aziraphale said apologetically. "I'm thinking of reaching out to heaven soon if I can't make much headway with the spiritual world."

"Alright," she said.

"Alright?" Aziraphale repeated skeptically. "That doesn't bother you?"

She shrugged. "I let you reach out to heaven when it's important. This is. I don't want God in _my_ business. That doesn't mean I'm in a position to say that she can't help someone who's genuinely asking for it. That would be selfish."

"It would," Aziraphale said. "That's a very mature and reasonable way to look at it."

"I'm a little surprised you haven't asked the question yet," said Crowley. "Most people would by now."

"Which is what?" she asked.

"You asked before if we could cure her Lycanthropy," said Crowley. "And you're obviously able to heal her wounds. You'd even be able to bring back someone from death if they'd only been gone a moment. You've avoided the obvious question. That's not like you."

She just looked at him in silence for a moment. "I did have a question."

"That you didn't ask?" Aziraphale said. "You're right, Crowley, that _is_ strange."

"I wondered if we could cure her," Ruby said. "Her Bipolar, I mean. But when I thought about it..."

"Yes?" Crowley pressed.

"I dunno," she admitted. "I thought about it and I knew we couldn't. I don't know how I knew, I just felt that this was something we couldn't do. Not because it was forbidden, but because we _can't._ "

Aziraphale nodded. "Ah. Yes."

"You had the human response," Crowley said. "You thought you saw something to cure or fix. But then your instincts kicked in and told you no."

"But why can't we?" asked Ruby.

"There are some things in this world that we can't cure because they're not diseases," said Aziraphale. "They're just stigmatized ways of being that deviate from the norm." He nodded toward the living room. "Take Selwyn, for instance. Her autism can't be cured, nor should it be. That's not a disease, whatever people say about it. She is exactly as she was intended to be."

Ruby's brow furrowed. "Anxious and suicidal?"

"That's not a natural biproduct of the way she is," Aziraphale explained. "That comes from how our society treats her. With proper accommodation and treatment, she'd be just fine. But humanity has chosen to turn its back on anyone who doesn't exactly fit in to their norm."

"But Bipolar is different from that," Ruby said. "I mean, like, that actually _does_ cause that naturally, right? It's, like, a chemical imbalance."

"Right," Crowley said. "But that doesn't mean we know how to fix that. We're not omniscient. We can only cure something if we know the exact way it functions, otherwise we risk causing irreparable harm to the person who has it."

"The only exceptions being if God has given blanket authority," Aziraphale said. "But that rarely ever happens."

"The point is," said Crowley. "That even if something _is_ an imbalance, that doesn't give anyone the right to treat them as lesser."

Aziraphale nodded. "Accommodations and access to treatment are the most important things, and all that comes from remembering to have respect and care for others. Not pity, never pity. Pity's the most useless human emotion besides guilt. It gets nothing done in the long term. But care, actual care, that matters. We should never treat people as things to be cured. They're people first, not a collection of symptoms."

"You should talk to Sibella Zima about that," said Crowley. "She's got a lot of ideas about how we should manage symptoms and not people. It's very fascinating stuff."

"You know, I keep meaning to ask about that," Ruby said. "You guys seem to know her very well too..."

Aziraphale smiled. "She's an old friend too. And-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," she said dismissively. "How she came to be that is her business. You say that every time I ask about anyone." She clapped her hands together. "Anyway, good talk boys. Given me a lot to think about. I'm gonna shower before this lot wakes up." She nodded toward the living room one more time before leaving the room. 

Barely a second had passed before she ducked back in. "Actually, on second thought, yeah," she said. "Make it a pumpkin hot chocolate for sure."

"Your wish is my command," Aziraphale smiled.

He turned back to the refrigerator as she left the room again.

"It didn't even occur to me that she'd have questions about that," he remarked. 

"Yes, well, I'm the expert on questions," Crowley said. "And I know she had to be biting that one down for at least a week. I kept waiting for her to come out with it, but I guess she had it well handled."

Aziraphale spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. "Looks like we've got another one."

"Looks like," said Crowley.

"Good morning, Max," said Aziraphale, as the human arrived in the kitchen.

"Good morning," Max said.

"Pumpkin pancakes sound alright?" Aziraphale asked.

"Might as well," Max said. "Do I smell coffee?"

"Yeah," Crowley said. "Aziraphale, pour the human a cup."

"Thanks," Max said as Aziraphale handed over the mug.

"That reminds me," Crowley said. "I know we started talking about it last night, but do you _have_ preferred pronouns?"

"Like I said, I'm not sure yet. I mean, even as far as a label, I'm not sure if I'm going with agender or nonbinary or what yet. Kinda still working that out. I'm not totally opposed to 'she', but I think I'll go with 'they' for now." Max smiled. "But 'human' works too. I like the sound of that."

Crowley nodded, unable to hold back a smile of his own. 

"And what about you?" Max asked. "I've noticed you sort of flip flop..."

Crowley could recognize teasing to cover up discomfort when he heard it. "I'm more genderfluid," he explained. "I sort of slip in and out of pronouns."

"I sort of felt that. Like last night, you felt like a 'she', but today..."

"I suppose. But that's because I'm not human. I can sort of...project it in my aura, I suppose. If I feel it, they feel it. It's just a matter of if they'll accept it. Humans don't have the same luxuries that we do. Which reminds me - are you, y'know, out? How should we refer to you in public?"

Max's smile disappeared. "The only people who know are in this house," they said. "I haven't even told my family yet."

"Do you think your family would react badly?"

"Define 'badly'. They wouldn't, like, disown me or hurt me or anything. They're just...sort of...Christian."

"Ah," Crowley said. "My condolences."

"It's fine," Max said. "Most of the time."

"You know if you ever need to find a group..." Crowley began. "I know of some. I'd call them queer groups, but I hear the word is falling out of favor..."

Aziraphale glanced at Crowley out of the corner of his eye with a fond smile. 

Max took a moment to consider before answering. "I'd like that. But not yet. I need a chance to figure out how to be out before I can do that. I don't want to be one of those closeted people who can only be out to their own kind."

"There's nothing wrong with that," Aziraphale said. "Sometimes it's safer."

"I know," they said. "But I don't want that for me. If I'm gonna do what I want to do with my life, I don't want there to be any skeletons people can use to blackmail me. So before I can find my people, I need to be out first."

"I respect that," Crowley said.

"Hey," Max said. "Sort of random question, but would it be cool if I used your shower? I need to get this makeup off or I'll claw my skin off."

"Ruby's in it just now," said Aziraphale.

"Think outside the box, Aziraphale," Crowley replied. He nodded toward a brand new door on the wall. "You'll find a shower through there."

"Thanks," Max said. They downed the rest of their coffee and took off toward it.

There was a comfortable silence for a moment. Aziraphale busied himself with meal prep with a soft smile.

Crowley picked up on this. "What is it, Angel?" he finally said.

"Oh nothing," he said breezily.

"It's clearly something, so spit it out."

"It's just nice to see you being a positive influence."

Crowley put a hand to his heart. "You take that back."

"I won't." He crossed the room to plant a kiss on his husband's head. "It _is_ very nice. You're being a resource for the questioning youth."

"I don't know what they've got against saying 'queer'," he grumbled. "Not that I'm opposed to the alphabet soup, but 'queer' is so much easier as an umbrella term. I'd never _force_ the word on anyone, I know it's a slur, but so are _all_ our labels, pretty much. We've been reclaiming it for ages, and saying otherwise is ahistorical."

"I know it hurts you that a lot of people taking that word away from you want to exclude people like you."

"That's part of it, but we fought hard for it! We're here, we're queer-"

Aziraphale patted him on the head and went to wash his hands. "Yes, dear."

"I like queer," said Chell as she entered the room. "But that might be a personal preference. I've heard it like 'queer as in peculiar, but also queer as in fuck you.'"

"Morning," Crowley said. "Expect you'll be wanting the shower next?"

"Nah," she shrugged. "I'll wait til I get home. It would be nice if I could have somewhere to get the makeup off my face."

"I've got makeup wipes in my room?" Crowley offered. "I could grab them for you?"

"I'd love that, thanks. I should've got it off before I went to sleep, but I forgot. Funny sort of night, wasn't it?"

"How so?" Crowley asked.

"Just...very honest. I didn't mean to be. Didn't go into it intending to..."

"Come out?" he offered.

"Yeah? I mean, no offense, but I really would've rather it just been Max and Nick. They're my best mates, they shoulda known first. I don't know you all that well. But I dunno, I just felt really...It's hard to explain...Safe? Is that the right word? Just out of nowhere. Just safe."

"I bet that was Ruby."

She hadn't expected that. "What do you mean?"

"This was the first place she ever felt safe," Crowley explained. "She'd want everyone to feel as safe here as she does. I bet it's her demon side. Demons have the ability to infect people with a palpable sense of dread. Ruby just does the opposite. Likely without realizing."

"Now that could just as easily be her angel side," Aziraphale protested. "We can infect people with a curious sense of calm and peace."

"Right," Crowley teased. "I know all about you lot and your BE NOT AFRAID. Does that ever work? Because I heard Mary never stopped screaming after catching a look at Gabriel."

"To be fair, Gabriel doesn't exactly have a bedside manner," Aziraphale replied. 

"So wait..." Chell said. "You said she's part angel, part demon...and that means you're...?"

"Ah," Aziraphale said. "We probably shouldn't've said that."

"Did we just out our daughter?" Crowley asked.

"It's fine, I won't hold it against you." Ruby was leaning against the door frame, pulling a comb through her hair.

"We're so sorry, Ruby-" Aziraphale began.

"Don't be," Ruby said. "Did you want the bathroom next, Chell?"

"I just need makeup wipes," she said.

"I was going to loan her mine," said Crowley.

Ruby waved a hand. "Don't bother, I've got some. Follow me."

Ruby led Chell to her room.

"I still can't believe you actually live in a tower," said Chell.

"We just renovated," Ruby said. She looked through the drawers in her vanity until she found what she was looking for. "Here." She tossed Chell a pack of makeup wipes.

"Thanks," Chell said. She took a few steps toward the mirror and opened the pack. "Listen, though...About that stuff I told you last night...I'd appreciate it if you didn't..."

"Tell anyone?" Ruby said. "Yeah, your secret's safe with me. It's none of my business anyway."

"Is this one of those 'I'll keep your secret if you keep mine' kinda deals?" she joked half-heartedly.

"No," Ruby said. "This is unconditional. The way I see it, you could out me if you want and I'd still keep your secret. Hell, you could turn out to be like a supervillain and I wouldn't say a word. Because I don't think anyone's entitled to know that information that you don't want to know. I just think about Crowley, you know. He's done some not great things in his life - most of which he doesn't talk about. But how would it feel if someone outed him and put him in that situation? I'd be furious and I'd worry about it. So no. I wouldn't do that to you. It's the least of what we owe to each other, I think. Keeping secrets when they put nobody in danger."

"Thanks," Chell said. "I appreciate that."

"If you need to talk about it, though," Ruby said. "I'm not exactly an expert. Crowley might be better at this stuff. But I'm not gonna, like, get weird about it or anything. It's not my business and I respect your privacy, but I'm willing to learn."

"I'm not really ready to talk about it yet," Chell said. "Not in detail. It's too...ah. I dunno. What I said last night, about how I don't remember the surgery. That's not really exactly true. But it's not really a lie either. I really just...question my memories about the whole thing. Especially since I was so young. But people have lied to me about it my whole life, up until it started being a problem for me..." She blinked away tears. "It's fine."

Ruby just looked at her steadily for a moment. "It's fine if it's not."

Chell hadn't expected this. "What?"

"I just mean like...People expect everyone to be totally fine. Put their past in a box and shut the lid. It's not supposed to like...I dunno. But it's fine if it's not fine, you know? You've got permission to be not fine sometimes if that's how you need to be. I think sometimes it might be worse just to pretend to be fine all the time."

Chell nodded slowly. "Yeah," she said. "That's good to know."

...

"Is that coffee?"

Crowley didn't even glance up this time. "Aziraphale, get the boy a cup of coffee."

Aziraphale lazily flicked a wrist and had the coffee pour itself. The mug then zoomed into Bradley's hand.

"Woah," he said. "Cool. Thanks." He took a sip. "Thanks for having me over. You have a lovely home."

"We do," said Aziraphale. "But we do appreciate the compliment."

"So that was a different Ruby last night," Bradley said. "From the one I'm used to, I mean."

"How so?" Aziraphale asked.

He shrugged. "Very talkative."

Nick arrived in the room at that moment. "She talks," he said. "If you'd stayed around in our plays, you would've known that. She's always with the ideas."

A flicker of guilt crossed Bradley's face, but it was also mingled with annoyance. _Wasn't he ever going to let that one go?_

"I just mean she doesn't normally talk that much," he said. "She's usually the mysterious silent type."

Aziraphale and Crowley laughed at the suggestion.

"Is she?" Crowley said. 

"You're talking about _our Ruby_?" Aziraphale asked.

"Yeah," said Bradley. "I've never seen her as energetic as she was last night."

The non-humans laughed again. "This is how she is all the time," Crowley said. "Talking a mile a minute, dancing around to odd music, incredibly creative..."

"Now Crowley," Aziraphale said. "You must remember she wasn't always this way."

These words had a sobering effect on Crowley. "I suppose you're right," he said. "When we first got her, she wouldn't talk hardly at all. Just stared at us."

"When you first got her?" Nick repeated. "You talk about her like she's a pet."

"I didn't mean it like that," said Crowley.

"But it wouldn't be an outrageous stretch to say she was a bit like a rescue animal when we first met," Aziraphale said. 

"Like one of those cats that's been kicked around too much," Crowley agreed. "One that runs and hides under the furniture and looks at food like it's a trap. Hissing and spitting and clawing and biting at anything that comes near."

"She really has changed quite a lot, hasn't she?" 

"She was very quiet when we first got to know her too," Nick said. "On second thought. I've just gotten so used to her being a bit more opinionated in the last month...But now I think about it, Bradley's right. The only time I've really seen Ruby that happy is when she's just come off stage. And even then, it was nothing like how she was last night."

"Congratulations," Crowley said. "I think we're all having a chance to meet the new Ruby."

"Are you making breakfast?" Bradley asked. "Mind if I help?"

Aziraphale quite liked this boy so far so he nodded. "Just wash your hands first."

Ruby came rushing down the stairs. "Oh good, you're up!" she said. "I told you I'd show you how I feed my mushrooms?"

Nick nodded. "Cool. I wasn't gonna be much help with the cooking anyhow."

He left to get a look while Aziraphale got Bradley started on finishing the batter for the waffles.

"He's still really upset with me," Bradley said in a low voice. Then he forced a smile. "Sorry, I shouldn't be laying this on you. Forget I said anything."

"It's quite alright," Aziraphale said. "I take it that you two are having problems?"

"I can't really pinpoint where it started," he admitted. "Maybe the problems were always there. It's not like we ever really defined anything."

Aziraphale nodded. "Improperly defined relationships tend to lead to confused boundaries and expectations."

"We should know," Crowley said. "We've had that exact trouble."

"You have?" he asked. "I wouldn't've guessed. You two seem so perfect together."

Crowley chuckled to himself. "It wasn't always that way. We're _very_ different people. On paper, we don't work at all."

"Because you're an angel and a demon?" Bradley asked.

They exchanged a look. 

"Ruby told you?" Aziraphale asked.

"No," he said. "I guessed. It made the most sense. I've been trying to figure out which is which."

"What did you settle on?" Crowley asked.

"I think I'm leaning toward you as the angel," he said. "But only because you're not as scary as he is."

Aziraphale looked down at his pink apron. "Me? Scary?"

"I'm actually offended," Crowley said. " _I'm_ supposed to be the scary one! I'm bloody terrifying! Why do humans always think it's you?"

"Sorry," Bradley said anxiously. "I do hope I haven't said the wrong thing."

"It's fine," Crowley said dismissively. "Ruby will think it's hysterical."

"But that's the point," Aziraphale said. "Crowley and I were on opposite sides of a literally Biblical conflict. We were supposed to go to war with each other. But we worked it out in the end."

"How long did that take?" Bradley asked.

"Only about 6000 years," Aziraphale said cheerfully.

"We could've saved some time if you'd stopped dithering about in the 50s," Crowley said dryly.

Aziraphale fidgeted anxiously. "I've said I'm sorry for that." He glanced apologetically at Bradley. "It's the improperly defined relationships, you see. I used them as sort of a way to cope with and rationalize what I was doing. Told myself that if I didn't give a name to it, I could just break it off at any time."

"Which you did," Crowley said. "Many times."

"It's not that I didn't love you-"

He nodded. "I know. It was too fast. You weren't ready. But to be fair, you were always the one calling _me_..."

Aziraphale smiled. "It'll all work out in the end. You'll see."

"There may be a lot you have to atone for," Crowley said. "But if you put in the work, I have no doubt in my mind that it can work."

"Any fool can see how you feel about each other," Aziraphale added.

The corners of Crowley's mouth twitched. "Except our fool. She's usually much more observant..."

"Observant about what?" Ruby asked as she, Nick, and Chell came back downstairs.

"About the fact that breakfast is nearly ready," Aziraphale replied. "Wake up your two sleeping beauties. We'll eat in the living room."

...

They ate their breakfast while watching morning reruns of Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

"What did you think of the reboot?" Nick asked.

"I liked it," said Chell.

"It wasn't really our thing," Ruby said. "We tried it out, but the vibes didn't really click with us. Bit too dark."

...

"I'm glad you decided to do this," Aziraphale said.

"I took some time to think about it, and I think it would work out nicely," Gertrude said. 

"We could even carpool to school," Aziraphale said.

Crowley's eyes widened. "What? We never discussed-"

Aziraphale smiled and addressed the room. "It was lovely having you children over. Please do come again. Crowley and I are going to see Katie and Gertrude get settled in the little cottage in the woods."

"I can't believe we're gonna be neighbors," Katie grinned.

"Wild," Ruby agreed.

"Thanks for having us all over," said Bradley. 

"Yeah," Chell said. "Food was good."

"I'm so glad you enjoyed it," Aziraphale said.

"I'm gonna go start the car," Nick said. "It takes a bit to warm up, the old pile of junk."

"He's so funny about that car," Chell said. "He won't let anyone else say anything about it, but he can call it junk."

"Well you know it was his dad's," Max pointed out.

"It was?" Ruby asked.

"Yeah," said Max. "What? You've been to his place, you think he and his mum can afford two cars? That's a hand-me-down."

"Right," Ruby said.

"I'm gonna go too," Bradley said. "See you guys at school tomorrow?"

"Yeah, for sure," Ruby said.

...

Nick jumped in his car and turned the ignition. He shivered, but didn't go inside just yet. He pulled out his phone and opened it to the last conversation.

They'd been the last two to fall asleep the night before. Everyone had stayed up late telling ghost stories, but when the ghosts suddenly became invisible again in the early hours of the morning, everyone had begun falling asleep one by one. Nick had been lying on his back, but rolled onto his side and caught Bradley's eye. Bradley quickly turned away.

Nick had texted him instantly. _saw you, stalker_

He watched Bradley take out his phone, glance at him, then text back. _sorry wont happen again_

This was starting to be fun. _no it's fine i'm a snack_

Bradley took a moment to consider his answer. _what kind_

_hm?_

_what kind of snack?_

_i dunno. something good like a jammy dodger_

_you think 2 highly of yourself. ur a dorito at most_

_hey i can live with that_

They both tried not to wake the others with their laughter. Bradley rolled onto his side to look at him.

 _sorry i never texted,_ he wrote

 _we don't need to get into that now,_ Nick texted back. _we haven't figured out what kinda snack you are_

Bradley smiled. _so im a snack now?_

Nick grinned. _you kidding? in those ripped trousers and that makeup? i'd eat you up_

Nick looked back on these texts and sighed. Things really had seemed simpler last night. There was a sort of magic in the air that was almost completely gone in the light of day.

He got out of the car just as Bradley came outside. 

"Miss me already?" Nick teased.

"Don't do that," Bradley said wearily.

Nick's smile flickered. "Don't do what?"

"Flash me a hundred watt smile and act like nothing happened."

The smile was gone. "Nothing did happen."

Bradley nodded. "Yeah. Keep telling yourself that."

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"I don't know either. I just thought that last night things were going back to the way they were before. But then this morning you're right back to giving me hell over leaving the way I did. I've been _trying_ to make that up to you."

"I know," he said in a low voice.

"I don't know what more you want me to do. You can't just be cool with me when no one else is looking but treat me like that in front of people. I get that you're teasing, that's what you do. Normally I don't mind it. But you're still angry with me and you're being very public about it instead of just talking to me about it and I don't appreciate that."

"I know," Nick said. "You're right."

"I mean, hell," Bradley said. "This is part of what's made it so hard to talk to you for the last few months. You treat me like every other guy you've ever had a thing with. I don't like that. They don't _mean_ anything to you. You treated me like I was nothing. Like I barely existed. Just like everyone else. And now I exist, but it's only when you can make me feel bad."

"I'm sorry. I just..." His eyes were filled with a panic that he never showed to anyone. "I just needed some control."

Bradley was surprised by this level of vulnerability. "Control?"

He nodded while blinking back tears. "I have this problem with it, it's why I...Eating disorders are an issue of control. That's what the doctors say. I felt out of control a lot when I was younger and this was the way to...And then I got older and was always in control. That's why I treat people like that, because it's easier if I can just forget them. But you made me feel like I wasn't in control. I couldn't help the way I...So I pushed you away. To get back control. And I'm sorry."

Bradley just looked at him for a moment. "I know. And I understand. But that's not enough. I need more than that. I _want_ more than that."

"You think you're ready for more than that?" Nick asked scathingly. "You'll just cut and run when someone makes you a better offer. Because that's what you do. You'll run off and do just exactly what's expected of you. I'm not the kind of person you want to hang around with, not really. I wonder what your parents would think. Even if they could get past me being a guy, they'd still never like you being with someone on benefits."

"I don't care what they think," he said. "But maybe that's the point anyway. Mr. Fell was right. We've been suffering from unclear boundaries. Maybe it's time to start having some. Because maybe I'm not ready to know what I want, but you're definitely not ready to stop being scared of what you want." He opened his car door. "So maybe it's time for us to both just take a breath and think about that." He hopped inside the car and closed the door.

"I don't need to think," Nick said. "I'm not gonna think about you - about anything! I'm just fine with my life the way it is!"

Bradley nodded and backed out of the driveway. Nick stared after him, his temporary anger fading only to be replaced by this aching emptiness.

...

"Oh I almost forgot," Ruby said. "Do you still wanna borrow that book we were talking about?"

"The one about the paranormal stuff?" Max asked. "Yeah."

"I'll grab it real quick," she said. "Come on..."

Ruby and Max disappeared upstairs.

"Anathema loaned it to me," Ruby explained. "It's real interesting and surprisingly scientific." She put the book into Max's hands.

"Thanks," Max said. "I think all this stuff is cool. I'd love to learn as much about it as I can."

"Sure," Ruby said.

Max started to walk back toward the stairs, but noticed that Ruby wasn't following. Max turned to find Ruby staring at her Gryffindor tapestry thoughtfully.

"Hey," Max said. "I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time about that last night."

"Hm?" Ruby said. "Oh, don't worry about that. That doesn't even count as being harsh. You had a completely valid point." She waved her hand and the colors on the tapestry changed.

"You don't have to do all that," Max said. "You can keep it if you want-"

"I'm not really attached to the physical merch I have from this," Ruby explained. "My memories of the parts of it that helped me are really enough. But it's worth considering what kind of signal I'm sending to anyone who might walk in. This could very well be considered a TERF battle flag in the wrong hands..." The tapestry settled. "There."

Max peered at it. "What is it?"

Ruby smiled. "A coat of arms? An inside joke? We'll see."

...

Chell and Selwyn waited in the parlor.

"I really am sorry about outing you last night," Selwyn said. "About the hospital stuff. Sometimes I just blurt things out without meaning to. I don't really have a good filter."

"Nobody does, really," Chell said. "I mean, I've seen people without autism who just say whatever comes into their heads. They're just coming down on you harder because they have an excuse."

"Maybe," Selwyn said doubtfully.

"It's fine," Chell said. "Honestly, it's probably better in the open. I was at a real low point when we were in there."

"Yeah I see now why you wouldn't talk about it while you were in there," Selwyn said.

"You talked a lot though," Chell said. "And I'm sorry, by the way. I keep thinking I made a mistake in how I handled knowing that about you."

"What do you mean?"

"I sort of, ah..." She ruffled her hair awkwardly. "I may have told Ruby back when we first got to know her to be careful around you. I was just trying to protect you. I know we've never known each other that well, but after seeing how you were in hospital, I just...I hate seeing you like that."

"I never asked you to do that," she said. "You don't have to treat me like some kid who needs protecting."

"I know, and I'm sorry. And I didn't tell her anything. Not about the main reason you were in there or anything. I assume most people still don't know?"

She nodded. "I'm a bit embarrassed about it, actually. I overreacted, maybe. I'm just letting people assume that it's just me getting overwhelmed with my autism."

"Isn't it though? Kinda? Just a little bit?"

"I guess," she shrugged. "Katie told me last night that she never even knew about me being autistic. That's surprising. I thought everyone who's known me a while knew. I knew you and Max and Nick knew definitely. I'm surprised nobody ever told Ruby too, but I could sorta tell no one had."

"How?"

"She didn't treat me like someone who knew. Like I'm some baby she's gotta talk to slowly and handle gently."

Chell nodded and watched her closely. "And that's also sorta why I warned her to back off a bit. I didn't have reason to think she'd intentionally hurt you, but...I mean...You do have sort of a thing for her, don't you?"

Selwyn's eyes widened. "What? No, I-"

"Yeah, I thought so," Chell said. "Just be careful, okay? Manage your expectations? I just don't wanna see you get hurt."

Selwyn took a breath as she studied Chell's face. "I can't tell if you're _trying_ to sound condescending or..."

"No no," Chell said quickly. "I didn't mean it like-"

"Because I'm not a child," she said. "Just because I'm autistic doesn't mean I'm not capable of looking out for myself."

"I didn't mean it like that," Chell said. "It's not even about you, mostly. It's just...Look, I like Ruby, I do. She's cool and a lot of fun to work with. But I get the feeling that she's not nearly ready to give you what you're looking for. There's something in her that just...I dunno. She's not all there yet. And I know she wouldn't hurt you on purpose, but I don't want to see it happen."

The front door opened. "The car's all warm," Nick said. "Ready to go?"

Ruby and Max descended from above. "Ready when you are," said Max.

"You need a ride, Selwyn?" Chell asked.

"Nah," Selwyn said. "Ruby's dads will take me home later."

"Suit yourself," Nick said. "Cool party, Ruby. We should do it again."

"Yeah," Ruby grinned. "We should."

Max, Chell, and Nick left.

"Do you wanna go see Katie's new place?" Ruby asked Selwyn.

...

Ruby knew where the old cottage was, because she'd frequently thought about using it if she ever needed a larger space for her mushrooms. But this was also a worthy use of it.

"You and Wicca seemed to be getting along last night," Ruby said as they walked through the woods.

"She had some interesting things to say," Selwyn said. "Her historical perspective was incredibly insightful."

"It is," Ruby agreed.

"Did you know changelings aren't real?"

"Changelings?"

"Yeah like..." Selwyn swallowed. "Like the fae come in during the night and snatch your child and replace it with a fae child who causes trouble."

"Oh. Well I figure that's gotta be fake."

"Yeah that's what I always thought too, but I got to thinking...Vampires, demons, witches, werewolves...What else is real?"

"Not changelings?"

She nodded. "Not changelings. Wicca said she was fae, so I thought I'd ask her about them."

"And what did she say?"

"She said that's a nasty bit of propaganda. What would the fae want with someone else's child? Waste of resources, she said."

Ruby smiled. "That sounds like Wicca. Oooh!" She crouched down low.

"What is it?" Selwyn asked nervously.

"Pleurotus Ostreatus."

Selwyn squinted. "What?"

Ruby smiled. "Oyster mushrooms. Come, have a look."

Selwyn crouched beside Ruby and looked at the indicated log. Upon it were blueish-gray growths with round, flat caps that clustered together on the rotting bark.

"Their season is almost up," Ruby remarked. "Most mushrooms I come across sprout in the summer and fade by the winter. I've heard these have a sort of seafood-like flavor."

"You can eat them?" Selwyn asked.

"Yeah," Ruby said. She pulled a small knife and a plastic bag from her pocket. "I'd better take some cuttings."

Selwyn's eyebrows shot right up. "You just carry that around all the time?"

"Yeah, in case I come across some good specimens," Ruby said. "You never know. They can grow anywhere. Well, these can't. You need a rotting tree - usually birch - so I can't grow these inside. But I _can_ harvest the mushrooms, since they look ripe enough. You always wanna cut away the base, because there could be wood splinters in 'em."

"Good to know," Selwyn said. Selwyn watched for a moment as Ruby carefully harvested and spored the mushrooms and felt curiously fond of her in that moment. "You really know a lot about mushrooms, don'tcha?"

"Yeah," she said. "Been studying about them for a while. Funny that my dads were the ones who sort of saw I was interested in them and gave me my first spores. I wouldn't know half of what I know if they hadn't been so cool about it in the first place." She got to her feet. "We'd better get these to the cottage. Aziraphale's gonna flip when he sees these."

They began walking again.

Selwyn tried to think of a subtle way to ask what was on her mind. "So...bit of a hyperfixation, is it?"

"A what?" Ruby asked.

"You know...Like...Being really _really_ into something..." _I'm not explaining this right._ "But like more than the normal amount."

"There's a normal amount?" Ruby asked.

Selwyn didn't have a chance to respond because they entered the clearing and spotted the cottage. 

Ruby waved when she spotted Aziraphale. "Hey dad! Guess what Selwyn and I found!"

She showed him the bag. "Ah! Pleurotus Ostreatus, if I'm not mistaken? I recognize it from your book. Yes, these will cook up nicely. Would you like some, Selwyn?"

"Not big on the texture of mushrooms," Selwyn said apologetically. 

"That's perfectly fair," Aziraphale said amiably. "I'm not much for the texture of certain cheeses, so I can certainly understand any aversion."

Ruby looked up at the cottage. "You've done a good job on this place. It was falling apart, last I saw."

Aziraphale smiled. "We're putting the finishing touches on it," he explained. "A miracle or two here and there...We're going to get it hooked up to water and electricity. Then it'll be good as new."

...

Nick turned on some music during the drive back to town. 

_"Hunger hurts_  
_And I want him_  
_So bad, oh, it kills_  
_'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up..."_

"So," he said. "Shakeaway? Before I take you home?"

"Yeah," Chell said enthusiastically. "Not really ready to go home just yet anyway."

...

When it was just the three of them, they liked to sit in the backseat of Nick's car with their feet against the front seats while they sipped their milkshakes.

Nick was the first to speak. "I just want you both to know, I'm not like...mad at you for not telling me you were going through this stuff. That's your own business. I'm glad you told me now. I just wonder...Did I do something? To make you think I'd think less of you?"

"No," Max said. "You've always been the best. It just wasn't the right time yet."

"Yeah," Chell said.

"Good," he said. "And I hope you know, Chell, that you could've told me you were feeling depressed. You've been with me through all my bad times, I'd like to be there for you too."

"I know," she said. "It's like...You were having a hard time and I didn't want to add more to it. And I knew if I said I'd been in, I'd have to say it's because of what happened to me, and..." She blinked back tears. "Look, I know it probably sounds silly. Trying to make it seem like a proper trauma when I'm not even sure if I remember it. And I'm not trying to compare it to what you went through, but-"

Nick was suddenly emotional too. "No, it's not silly. It's a trauma. You had something done to you without your consent, before you were old enough to understand it. That's a lot like what happened to me. And you're entitled to feel the way you do about it."

"I'm just so angry," she whispered. "You know I can still feel it? There's still pain from whatever they did to me and they lied to me about it for like 10 years. But then I didn't get a period. So they had to stop lying to me about it. And now I'm on hormones. They say it's a sort of androgen deficiency, whatever that means. Like I get what it means, it means I didn't look exactly like they wanted me to on the outside so they changed me. But I couldn't tell you the real science of how it works - I'm an actor, so even if I tell you the words they used, I'm not totally sure I'd understand the sciency bits. You know it's sort of like...You remember Andy? He always said he felt like he was a boy on the inside. No, forget that, it's a stupid comparison. He's _actually_ trans. I just literally have what they say is 'male anatomy' on the inside. And I dunno, I still identify as a girl and I don't even know if I'd qualify as trans because of...It's all so complicated."

Nick put his milkshake in the cupholder and hugged her. "You don't have to know all the answers," he assured her. "But I want you to know that we're here."

"We are," Max said.

"Thanks," Chell said. "Us freaks have to stick together, right?"

"Right," Nick laughed. "But trust me when I say that this isn't even high on the list of things that makes you a freak."

"This coming from a guy who likes anime," Chell teased.

"Takes one to know one," he shot back.

...

Selwyn stuck around for a little longer and seemed to be enjoying herself.

"Perhaps it's time to take Selwyn home," Aziraphale remarked to Crowley. "She's got that look."

"Which one?" Crowley asked.

"Like someone who's having fun but has exceeded their capacity for social interaction. She's also probably too polite to say it."

Crowley nodded. "Ruby?" he said. "Do you think it's about time to take your friend home? You do have school in the morning."

They pretended not to notice the way Selwyn subtly relaxed her shoulders in response to this suggestion.

...

Ruby teleported Selwyn back to school.

"Hey, so," Ruby said awkwardly. "What you said last night about your, uh..."

Selwyn watched her carefully. "You can say autism," she said. "It's not a bad word."

"Well that's sorta what I wanted to ask," Ruby said. "You seemed uncomfortable when you said-"

"Aspergers? Yeah, sorry, hate that word."

"Then why use it?"

She sighed and looked away. "I dunno. Most times I don't. But people keep labeling me with it without asking my opinion - even when I ask them not to. And they always want me to say that - to reassure them I'm not one of those 'low-functioning' ones..." She said this with an uncharacteristic bitterness. "Which isn't even a little bit fair. Not to me and not to them." She shook her head. "I think I wanted you to still like me."

"Why wouldn't I still like you?"

"Because people don't. They only do as long as they don't know or if they do then it's only so long as they can pretend I'm a savant. Which I'm not. I'm reasonably good at my special interest, that's all. Once they figure out that I'm not some genius, they get bored or start treating me like a baby. Like I'm fragile or something."

"Yeah," Ruby said. "I can see how that would be frustrating."

"I'd much rather just be called autistic," she explained. "Most of us would. The other word has a lot of really negative meanings for a lot of us."

"Alright then," Ruby said. "You're autistic. I'd love to hear more about it some time, if you're comfortable with that."

Selwyn blinked. "What, you mean like...talk about it?"

"If you want," Ruby said. 

"This isn't like a thing where you learn about it so you can try to fix me, is it?" she asked anxiously. "Because people try that too, but move on when they realize I'm just the way I am."

"No fixing," Ruby insisted. "Dad told me this morning that you're exactly as you're supposed to be. And anyway, I knew that before he even said it. I'll do my own research, of course, but if you ever want to talk about it...I dunno, I feel like it could be an interesting conversation."

Selwyn wasn't used to anyone at all taking a personal interest in her diagnosis unless they were being paid to treat her, so she didn't know what to say. "Sure," she said. "Some other time though."

"Right," Ruby said. "Of course. See you tomorrow?"

"See you tomorrow," she replied.

Ruby smiled then teleported away.

"Okay," Selwyn muttered to herself. "That never stops being weird."

...

Ruby arrived back at home.

"What do you feel like for dinner, Ruby?" Aziraphale asked.

"Anything with the mushrooms," she said. "But first, I wanna show you something in my room."

She took them upstairs.

"I was thinking about what having a Gryffindor tapestry would look like from the outside," she said. "So I changed it. Tell me what you think."

Aziraphale and Crowley stood in front of the tapestry. It was green with a silver coat of arms on it.

"Is that...?" Aziraphale asked.

"It's supposed to be a family crest," she said. "But I can change it if you don't like it. I just thought we should have one."

It was a typical family crest in that it had a shield directly in the middle, but within it grew purple mushrooms. A snake coiled around one side of the shield while an angel gripped the other.

"It's lovely," Aziraphale said.

"Perfect," added Crowley. "And speaking of decorations...Your father and I have been talking..."

"We know the Halloween decorations make you happy," Aziraphale said. "They don't really go with our decor, but our style was a mishmash of mine and Crowley's personal taste in the first place. We were thinking that, in order to help this place feel more like home to you, we wouldn't banish all of your Halloween decorations to your room until next October. Instead, we propose leaving them up permanently."

Her eyes were wide with disbelief. "You mean that?"

Aziraphale smiled. "This place deserves a little Ruby flair."

Ruby hugged him. "Thank you."

...

School the next day was an interesting experience. The time distortion had affected all students and staff, so they found themselves at school on a Friday with no good logical reason as to why they'd been out for two days. But most people just assumed they'd been alone in imagining that it was a weekend, so nobody really spoke about it.

"Alright class," Miss Zima said. "We were supposed to start on a unit about comedies today, but I've decided to completely throw out the lesson plan in wake of the beginning of Battle of the Shrews. So let's talk about Taming of the Shrew. Now there's a whole lot of critical debate we could have if we wanted to go into the history of this play, but I want to focus on its subsequent adaptations. Our little unauthorized production was hardly the first one to find something uncomfortable about the story."

Katie hit her button. Miss Zima motioned for her to speak.

"Is this about Ten Things I Hate About You?" she asked.

Miss Zima smiled. "In a way," she replied. "But I want to start earlier. We're going to start with a 1611 sequel by John Fletcher called 'The Woman's Prize, or the Tamer Tamed.' It's a critique of the play's treatment of Katherine every bit as much as our production was, except it makes it more of a long game. So here's my proposition. First, we read the Taming of the Shrew. Then we read this sequel. By the time we get to the opening night of the next production, we'll all have a better understanding of the forces at play here."

Ruby was excited. This was the kind of analysis she lived for.

"But first, an announcement," Miss Zima continued. "You know I've had you work on your short scenes, slowly expanding them over the course of this class. We're going to begin doing our final editing on them and getting ready to present them. Actors in this class, you can choose to act in your own scenes, but we are open to bringing in outside actors. We're going to do the work, then put the best ones on as some of the opening acts at Festival."

...

Ruby approached Miss Zima's desk after class. 

"Yes, Ruby?" Miss Zima asked.

"I was only wondering," she said. "About the scene I've been writing with Selwyn..."

"It's very good," Miss Zima said. "It's one of the best I've ever encountered in this class."

Ruby was very pleased to hear this, but swallowed the rush of pride. "I was only wondering if it's wise to present it. I mean, I'd love to. I'm very proud of it. But I'm worried it might trigger people."

"It's a fair point," Miss Zima said. "I've always been a little worried about that one. Especially now with Katie being in the class."

"Yeah," Ruby said.

"Well how do you feel about your scene? Remove yourself from the writer position and imagine seeing it with no clue about the ending. How do you feel?"

"I think I'd like it," she admitted. "It's a more deserved ending for those two characters. It feels better."

"I feel the same way," Miss Zima said. "If it would help you, don't you think it might help others? We can put out a general trigger warning before we present - in fact, I really insist that we do - but I don't think there's a reason the scene should be pulled. But if you do, we will."

"I'll think about it," Ruby said.

...

"Apparently there's a sort of variety hour at one of the small stages during Festival," Ruby said. "That's where we'll be putting this on. And Nick reckons maybe we can pitch our Improv Group to get a slot."

"Have you even begun working on that yet?" Crowley asked. 

"We're still workshopping names and looking for a place to rehearse," Ruby admitted.

"Why not come here?" Aziraphale asked. "Your room is rather large, you should have adequate rehearsal space."

Ruby considered this. "That could work."

...

Ruby began spending large amounts of time with her friends. If she wasn't workshopping her scene or doing homework with Selwyn, she was rehearsing for her improv group. It was only a few days into this that her parents noticed something a little odd.

Ruby plopped down on the sofa after a long rehearsal. 

"Sounds like you were having fun," Crowley remarked.

"I was," she said. "But now I'm absolutely knackered! I might actually go to bed early, I dunno."

Crowley tried to hold back a smile. "Knackered, is it?"

"Yeah," she said obliviously. "Went on for bloody ever, didn't it? Not that it wasn't fun, but sometimes I just come down afterward like wow, mate, did I need to do so much moving around?"

Crowley and Aziraphale exchanged an amused glance. "Very active, was it?"

"Yeah and trying to wrangle so many people is always such a mess," she explained. "Max still doesn't know how to let loose, Chell is awkward being asked to go off-script, and Nick's always a bit cheeky."

"Cheeky's a problem for you all of a sudden?" Crowley teased.

"No, that's the best part," she admitted. "And anyway, we're all just having a laugh. If it was actually stressful, I wouldn't do it."

"So how many slang terms did you count since she walked into the room, Crowley?" Aziraphale asked.

"At least four," he replied.

"I counted five," said Aziraphale.

Ruby peered at them. "What's with the looks, fellas?"

"Oh _fellas_ , now?" Aziraphale asked. "I didn't know that was a word in your lexicon."

"We're just saying you're going a little native," Crowley teased.

She rolled her eyes. "Shove off."

"No really," Aziraphale said. "Your accent even shifted a bit."

"It's sort of funny," said Crowley. 

"Don't know what you're talking about," she muttered. "I'm just saying words."

"Yeah, but not your usual words," Crowley insisted.

"Rubbish," she said. "You're both like proper nutters."

But something curious happened when she said the last phrase. Her entire physical appearance changed. Just for a few seconds, she flicked first between Max, then Chell, then Nick, then Bradley, then back to herself.

She could see that they were staring at her.

"What?" she said. 

...

"I'm almost worried that she didn't know she was doing it," said Aziraphale. "It hasn't happened since, but it might just be because she's vigilant about it."

Maggie didn't respond for a moment. "So Ruby has shape shifting abilities?"

"In a technical sense, yes," Aziraphale said. "But she likes this form, so she keeps it."

"Can I ask what precipitated this rapid change? Was there any stress in the environment?"

"No!" Aziraphale replied. "She was just tired. She'd been rehearsing with her new improv group."

Maggie was trying very hard not to sound judgmental. "She has an improv group?"

"I know," Aziraphale said. "But it's as you say - it's our responsibility to be supportive of all interests she has, provided she explores them in a safe way. But you know, Ruby was talking sort of strangely after the group left for the night."

"How so?"

"Her accent shifted slightly. She was using more slang. She sounded quite a bit more like her friends than like herself."

Maggie nodded. "I think I'm beginning to form a sort of explanation. Now I want you to keep in mind that what I'm saying here isn't a diagnosis. I haven't known Ruby long enough to form a conclusive one. But I've been trying preventative measures on her such as emotion regulation training and cognitive-based approaches because she falls into the criteria for certain risks."

"Such as?" he asked.

"There are certain personality traits that she's at a high risk for, given her personal history of trauma. Some of her thought patterns do reveal to me a risk of developing full-blown Borderline Personality Disorder. I don't think she's quite at that point, and hopefully if her treatment continues as planned, we won't have to go there. A lot of people don't think BPD can be treated or prevented, but I don't subscribe to that belief. I know Ruby has a lot of risk factors, but you intervened. You got her out and got her help. Her personality is still forming. Which is what I think the issue is. She's got an unstable sense of self. She's finally found an in-group and is trying to mimic their personalities in order to fit better. It's a classic symptom and not at all unexpected."

"Do you think she's done this at home?" Aziraphale asked. "Crowley and I were just remarking on how far she's come. She's such a different person than she was when we first met her."

"Is she?"

"She was very much like a stray cat at first," Aziraphale remarked. "She didn't talk much. Then even when she opened up and began to trust us, she was always a bit nervous. Lately she's been confident and happy. It's such a rapid change. It's remarkable."

"I'm not going to deny that it's a change," Maggie said. "She really has put in the work and made remarkable progress. But you should give yourselves more credit."

"Why?"

Maggie smiled. "You gave her the safety and comfort to be able to grow. I know we've talked about this before. Yes, she's changed, but into a person who's more comfortable being herself. She was always hidden behind those walls because her real personality was a punishable offense. You've shown her time and again that you love and value her real personality. So now she shows it to you. It's a matter of trust."

"I suppose," Aziraphale said. "There's been a lot of that going around."

"How do you mean?"

"Ruby's friends apparently have lots of secrets," he said. "Not bad ones, but...It makes sense that Ruby would pick them. I'm not going to get into it really, at the risk of outing people...but...You know her friend Selwyn has autism? I know you treat her."

Maggie was suddenly visibly interested. "Yes, I did. She told you that?"

Aziraphale nodded. "On Halloween. She really should've told me sooner so I could prepare her some meals she can actually eat..."

"How does it make you feel that she's autistic?"

"Should it make me feel something?"

Maggie thought carefully about how to word this. "Aziraphale, we've known each other a long time."

"Really?" he said. "I suppose to a human it _would_ feel like a rather long time."

"I can't offer a clinical diagnosis for Ruby yet beyond the obvious," she pressed on. "And technically I shouldn't offer one for you either. But we have a rather unconventional doctor/patient relationship. So I do hope you'll trust what I'm about to say. Because I've suspected it for years, but wasn't totally sure til I began treating you."

"Oh dear," Aziraphale said. "Is it that bad?"

Maggie smiled kindly. "Not at all. Do you empathize with Selwyn at all?"

He considered the question, though he couldn't see how it was relevant. "I suppose," he admitted. "More than I relate to most humans, now that I think about it. I suppose I've never found autistic people very difficult to understand. I mean who _doesn't_ find eye contact incredibly awkward? I never understood the rules for when you're supposed to make it and for how long. Who _doesn't_ get very attached to routines? I'm very attached to this suit I'm wearing, I've had it for a few centuries. I've often had difficulty getting far too focused on a task or subject, to the detriment of the things I should be doing. It's all perfectly natural."

"Natural, yes," Maggie said. "But it's also diagnosable criteria. Not uncommon, but outside the norm."

He still didn't get it. "What are you saying?"

"Aziraphale," she said. "I'm certain you're also autistic."

He scoffed. "I can see how you'd come to the conclusion," he said. "But I can't be autistic. I'm an angel!"

"You're an angel with autism," she said. "I can't say what the prevalence of the condition is in angelic circles, but you fit the criteria for it perfectly. And it's not just the big things. I see it in your facial expressions, your fidgeting. This isn't a bad thing. You clearly manage yourself quite well. But, well...You said yourself that you understand and empathize. Most people without autism who don't have clinical training don't immediately empathize. They just don't try. And if it helps...I really shouldn't say this since he's not my patient, but I've been almost certain for years that your husband has ADHD. The autism ADHD solidarity in your house must be astounding."

"Does Ruby have it?" Aziraphale asked. "Did we pass it on to her?"

"No, I don't think so," Maggie said. "But from what I understand, you didn't create her brain or her mind. You just provided it a new shell. She has certain low-level traits that might be considered for either category, but they're not to a diagnosable degree. She's not hyperfixating on mushrooms or theatre, it just makes her happy and turns off her pain."

"That makes sense," Aziraphale said.

...

Maggie saw Ruby next. 

"So tell me about what happened," Maggie said. "What were you feeling when you shifted?"

"I didn't even know I did it," she admitted. "I was tired. It had been a long day. I remember wishing I'd bothered to change out of my uniform."

"Why?"

"I hate that stupid thing. It's pretty, but I hate uniforms. I don't feel like my full self in them. They suck away my individuality."

"Ah," Maggie said. "Yes, that makes perfect sense. Your sense of self erodes in uniform and you're becoming used to slipping in and out of characters constantly. It makes sense that your personality might shift slightly. You know it's a totally natural part of growing. Even kids with no trauma have a desire to fit with an in-group. But it is important to maintain your individuality and not feel you have to change for anyone."

"I don't feel like I _have_ to change," she said. "It just happens."

"Maybe it happens more when you're in uniform," Maggie said. "I'd keep an eye on that."

...

The kids gathered at the house the following night for improv practice.

"That's so freaky," Katie said. "You can just shapeshift into any of us?"

"I guess," Ruby said. "But I don't know _how_."

"And the uniforms are to blame?" asked Nick. "You _do_ always say you hate them."

"I just don't know what I'm supposed to do," said Ruby. "I can't go around constantly worried that I'll accidentally shapeshift in front of someone!"

"I wish there was some way to get rid of the bloody uniforms," Chell said.

"Yeah," Ruby said dryly. "Like maybe we should have a protest or something."

Max blinked. "Now that's actually an idea."

"What?" Ruby said. "A protest? I mean, I'd be down, but do you think anyone's up for that?"

"I bet if we spread the word," Chell said. "I mean, the headmaster was weirdly cool with your whole thing with the Taming of the Shrew. It's possible that if we got enough people to protest all at once then he'd listen and change it."

"I think we need to talk to my dads," Ruby said.

...

"A protest?" Aziraphale asked. "Are you certain you'd like that kind of publicity?"

"Why not?" Crowley asked. "I think it's a great idea."

"You would," Aziraphale said. "Of course I'll support you, Ruby, no matter what. I'm just wondering if it's worth the trouble."

"I think so," she said.

"A protest on its own won't do it," Crowley said. "You'll need a petition."

"We'll need to draw one up, then," Ruby said. "Because we've spread the word around, and this is happening tomorrow."

"You need a clear list of demands," Crowley said. "They'll insist on having some sort of dress code. You'll want to give them a framework that you can live with."

"I think we should make it clear that anyone's allowed to wear whatever color or style they want," Nick said.

"Provided it's not like needlessly provocative," said Selwyn. "What? I don't think I'd be comfortable if everyone just went around naked all the time."

"I guess it's a fair point," Ruby said. "But we need to define provocative. I think we can't count cleavage as provocative. That's just sexist."

"We should make a point that they can't implement gender-specific requirements," Max said. "They'll use that against girls, sure, but boys should be able to wear skirts if they want."

"Good point," said Ruby. "Gender nonconformity needs to be a specific thing we allow in the new dress code. Also, we should allow graphic tees and designs."

"Within reason," Selwyn said. "No like Nazi symbols or slurs."

"I agree," Chell said. "But we need to consider what actually counts as a slur."

"Some things are context-dependent," said Crowley. 

"Like what?" Ruby asked.

"Queer?" Chell offered. "If we make a blanket-statement against slurs, that would prohibit LGBT expression. But at the other end of that, I can see a situation where having 'gay' on a t-shirt could be a loophole since a lot of people don't think of it as a slur anymore. We could have situations of people getting written up for having some kind of 'queer solidarity' on their shirt, but active homophobes could have 'that's gay' or something on a shirt and get away with it."

"So we create language specifying specific contexts," Ruby nodded. "That makes sense. We should also make sure that a dress code violation isn't an offense warranting being 'written up'. American schools keep kids from getting an education by suspending them for forgetting a belt. We can't allow that to happen in our school."

"We'll take it on good faith, then," said Nick. "If we agree to these terms as a collective, it's a sort of treaty, isn't it? We're agreeing to maintain our side of the agreement - which is to stay within these acceptable restrictions - and they agree to back off?"

"I like the sound of that," Ruby said.

"You should be prepared for any eventuality," Crowley said. "It's unlikely that you'll get all your demands met. You have to be willing to compromise. Meet in the middle. Otherwise you won't get anywhere at all."

...

Friday morning, most of the students at Greenwood Academy arrived without their uniforms.

Ruby wore a red leather jacket over black jeans and an American Idiot t-shirt. She smiled at Max, who was wearing a black-and-white striped shirt and dark jeans. Chell had her purple hair extensions in, but was also dressed in purple-and-black striped fingerless gloves, a mesh top, and a gray tank top with skulls on it over a black tulle skirt and leggings. Nick and Bradley had both chosen pink suits, though they hadn't coordinated this effort at all.

Quinn and her group of rich girls were instantly scandalized by their audacity to wear what they wanted to. They ran to the Headmaster.

The Headmaster was appalled by the lack of uniforms in his hallway. "What is this? Where are your uniforms?"

They looked to Ruby, who was the accidental mastermind of this whole thing. She felt a bit awkward being put in this position again, but it was becoming more natural.

"We're doing a protest," she said. Her tone was more confidant than how she felt.

"Protesting what exactly?" he asked.

"We don't think we should have a uniform," she said. "We're starting with a demonstration, but if you try to make us change we'll have a walk out instead."

"Uniforms are crucial to building a cohesive, unified school environment," he said.

"By removing any and all individuality," she said. "We believe that it hinders our ability to explore our own self-expression to be forced to spend most of our time in institutions which limit that ability." She pulled out the signed petition that Crowley had suggested. "Here's a list of over half of your student body asking to be able to dress as we please, within reason. Nothing crazy, of course. We just noticed that teachers are allowed to dress any way they want without fear. We think we deserve at least that much respect."

"I'd like to sign that petition," said a voice.

Ruby looked up and saw Freya. She smiled.

"I would like to sign as well," said Miss Zima. 

"It seems like I'm in a minority here as far as liking the uniforms goes," the Headmaster said. "But I think you've raised excellent points. I'll agree to lift the uniform mandate-" A large cheer rang out that he had to work to be heard over. "-at the beginning of next term. Until Winter Break, you'll all still have to wear them."

"I can accept those terms," Ruby said. She looked around. "If we're all in agreement?"

And it seemed everyone was. 

"I can't believe that worked," Selwyn said as they walked away. "My heart was pounding through the whole thing. I thought I was gonna get expelled for sure."

"We would've been," said Ruby. "If it was just us and nobody else had showed up, it would've been us getting in trouble. We're protected in numbers. They _could_ expel all of us, but that would be most of the students that go here. It's not worth losing that much just to keep some uniforms."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so there's a lot to unpack here.
> 
> Realized after my last chapter that a lot of you might not know that I'm autistic and so is my girlfriend. It didn't even occur to me because most of my other works on here end up having multiple autistic characters and I'm very vocal about it on Tumblr. I always joke that autism is one of my special interests because every time I meet another person like me I wanna ask a million questions and compare notes lmao. I've got a big arc for Selwyn and Aziraphale coming up, so never fear about that.
> 
> And Chell's got a lot coming up too. I've barely scratched the surface with her. A lot of the point of this fic is the variations of nature and how western ideas of gender can cause irreparable damage, so we're going forward with that.
> 
> Nick and Bradley are an example of something that fascinates me - that most interpersonal conflict doesn't actually have one person who's a hundred percent in the right. Especially the longer the conflict goes unspoken. That just gives people more time to pile more misery on each other. So yeah. Both of them are right, but both of them are wrong.
> 
> Oh and about this uniform thing. When I was about to enter 8th grade, my school system announced a new dress code. It would require all students to wear specific shades of specific colors on solid-colored polo shirts with no logos or designs. We were only allowed black jeans or a black skirt and had to wear a belt. Everyone complained about it, but I was the one kid who showed up to my planned protest out of uniform on the first day of school. Since it was just me, I got sent to in school suspension. That dress code lasted until years after I left school. I'm still bitter about it because this happened every time I tried to create actionable change. At a young age, I was always trying to improve things, but people only wanted to complain and not take action. And I realize that in reality, Ruby's protest would have to be a longer battle and this is a very simplified and almost unrealistic outcome...But it's my fantasy lmao.


	44. Fetch the Bolt Cutters

Ruby was acting weird.

Actually, it would be more accurate to say that she was feeling weird. Her actions and expressions were all completely usual for her, but her emotions were telling a different story. 

It all began the Monday before Quinn's production of Taming of the Shrew was set to begin. It was one of the rare days that Ruby wasn't scheduled to hang out with her new friends, so she was hanging out in London with Aziraphale and Crowley. Neither of them could pinpoint the second her emotions changed. It happened gradually. 

"Are you feeling alright?" Aziraphale asked when she announced that she was going to bed early.

"Fine," she lied. "I'll talk to you in the morning."

"She knows she can talk to us," Crowley said.

"So I suppose we'll just have to wait until she does," Aziraphale replied.

She felt conflicted about something. There was an undercurrent of anxiety and even guilt to it, but she had her usual determination. They just wished she'd tell them what it was about.

So when she came downstairs the following morning and the mood had shifted to one of satisfaction and guilt, they were understandably worried.

"Everything alright, Ruby?" Crowley asked.

"Yeah," she said. "Why wouldn't it be?"

They decided not to press the issue. 

Aziraphale opened the morning paper. "Interesting," he remarked.

"What is it, Angel?" Crowley asked.

"A rash of vandalisms in London last night," he said. "A few park benches had their arm rests stolen and the anti-homeless spikes were removed from several alleys and walkways."

Ruby didn't show anything outwardly, but the change in her emotional state was immediate.

Crowley looked at her. "Ruby? Is there anything you want to tell us?"

...

Aziraphale paced in a circle.

"Well say something, Dad," Ruby said. 

"What do you want me to say?" he asked. 

"That you're not mad at me?"

"Of course I'm not mad at you," he said. "That was never a question."

"Then what?"

"Let me get this straight-"

"Gross," said Crowley.

Aziraphale shot him a warning look, then ignored him. "You crept out of our house in the dead of night without even so much as a note or some sort of warning to put yourself into danger?"

"I was never in any danger," she said.

"Participating in illegal activities is dangerous," he reminded her.

"Look, okay, I agree that I should've told you. But I was just so tired. We go past those spikes every day. I know what these people go through. If I can't do anything more substantial to help them, then I'll take the drastic measures I have available to me. I won't apologize for that."

"Nor should you," Crowley said.

"Crowley," Aziraphale protested. "Don't encourage her-"

"I'm encouraging her because she's right," Crowley said. "She's practically invincible, there's no danger to her doing a little hero work."

"Besides ruining her entire future if she gets caught," he reminded them.

"My entire future?" she asked. "I'm immortal. Human memory is notoriously shallow. Humans go around genocide-ing each other and the next decade they pretend it never happened. If I fuck up this one, we just wait a generation then start again."

"I don't want that for you," Aziraphale said. "I want you to have a chance at the rest of your teens being somewhat normal."

"I know," she said. "But I don't know...I want more than that. You know how Maggie says I'm having problems with my identity? I really think I am. I just...I see injustice and feel like I _could_ do something about it, you know? I'm not powerless anymore. So the longer I go just walking past, acting like I don't see, the worse I feel. Because what's the point of all this? You said I'm going to create ripples just by living. I might as well make em count. I'm just crawling out of my skin without someone to fight. When I was pulling up those spikes last night, I dunno...I felt like me. Properly. And it was good."

"I understand," Aziraphale said. "I just wish you would've come to us first. We could've tried a peaceful protest like you did last week. Or petitioning-"

"This is much more direct," Crowley said. "I completely agree with you, Ruby. You made your point. If you'd like to go out again, I'd like to help."

"Really?" she asked.

"Crowley," Aziraphale protested. "I don't want you getting yourselves into trouble."

"See this is why all my friends think Crowley's the angel," Ruby said. "He's the one encouraging me to do the right thing."

"Morality is a lot more complex than humans think," Aziraphale said. "A demon can encourage someone to do the wrong thing for the right reasons."

"And likewise," Crowley said. "An angel can drive himself mental fussing about rules and regulations and protocols until the opportunity for the right thing has passed. Which, in the end, should amount to doing the wrong thing, since you stood idly by."

Aziraphale was only slightly stung by the observation. "It's a fair point. Look, Ruby, I'm not going to turn you in if you continue on this course, because I'm incredibly proud of your moral convictions. However, I will not aid you in this. I think it's tantamount to reckless endangerment."

"I, on the other hand, _will_ help," Crowley said. "And we're going to need a plan. Because you know now that you've got their attention, police will be on high alert for vandals."

...

They went out again that night, dressed all in black. They didn't take the Bentley.

"Little chilly tonight," Ruby said as the two of them flew over the English countryside.

"You think Spiderman would be proud of you for this?" Crowley asked.

"Depends on which Spiderman," she smiled. "But really, if you want the truth, I'm so much more of a Batman villain."

The vandalism turned out to be a good bonding exercise for them.

"I just don't get the point," Ruby said. "You're not gonna give these people homes when there are plenty of empty homes, but you're also gonna put down spikes so they have nowhere to go? How exactly does that help? Most people aren't here by choice and they don't deserve the indignity of being treated like scum."

Crowley noticed that when Ruby was particularly passionate, she tended to use large words like 'indignity'. She used to do the same in her diary. She felt people took her more seriously if she used a couple of two-dollar words here and there.

"I wish we could do something about this," Ruby said, gesturing to a park bench that was sloped steeply. "But there's no way to fix that. It was designed to be that way so homeless people can't sleep."

"We can fix it," Crowley said. "It would just take a miracle."

She smiled. "Alright then."

He snapped his fingers and it righted itself.

"Impressive," said a voice from behind them.

"Aziraphale!" Crowley exclaimed. "You decided to come after all!"

"I couldn't bear the thought of you two out here all alone," he admitted. "I brought hot chocolates."

"You're the best, Dad," Ruby said as she took the thermos he handed her.

"I realized you were right," he said. "I was being a coward. This whole non-interference ordinance I've sworn by is just a coward's way out. I want to stand with you both, side by side. I want to help."

"Glad to hear it," Crowley said.

He smiled. "As the kids say, Ay Cee Ay Bee, right?"

Ruby squinted at him. "You mean ACAB?" She was trying not to smile.

"Yes, that's right," he said obliviously. "That's like YOLO, isn't it?"

She and Crowley glanced at each other and tried not to laugh.

"It's _exactly_ like YOLO, Dad," Ruby said.

"Make sure to tell the police that when they show up," Crowley said.

"You really think there's a chance they'll show up?" Aziraphale asked anxiously.

"Let's just say, the longer we do this, the more chance we have of being caught."

Of course they all could've used their invisibility, which is a thing otherwordly creatures can use in times of crisis. But they were all just slightly too thick to consider that as an option.

...

Aziraphale was anxious about picking up the tools and helping at first. He was really better at being a lookout. But after a few jobs, he decided he wanted to be more hands on.

"I think we'll do one more, then go home," said Ruby. "Easy job. Just removing the middle arm rest from that bench."

"Do you want to do the honors, Ruby?" Aziraphale asked. 

She grinned. "Don't mind if I do." She crouched before the offending bench and got to work.

Crowley spotted movement. "Ruby...We've been made.

Ruby looked up and spotted the cop car. "I see it too," she said, just as the sirens turned on. "RUN."

Aziraphale and Crowley sprinted for the treeline, where they intended to teleport away. Ruby started to run as well, but swore as she realized that she left her bag of tools. 

" _Leave it!"_ Crowley hissed.

"I can't!" she said. "If I get caught, you two go."

"We're not leaving you-"

"I'm a teenager without a record," she said. "I won't get in as much trouble as you will. Trust me."

She ran back for the bag. She reached it just as the car pulled up.

"Hands on your head!" the officer said.

Ruby did as he said.

"Put down the weapon," the officer commanded. 

Ruby realized she was still holding a wrench and dropped it at once. "Whatsamatter, officer?" she asked flippantly. "Scared of a little girl?"

The officer got on his radio. "I found the vandal. It's a kid. Bringing her in."

"What a drag," Ruby said.

"Don't give me lip, young lady," the officer said. "You realize you're being brought in on charges of destruction of public property?"

"I was liberating it," she said calmly. 

"Just wait til we call your parents," he said.

"Oh they'll be so proud," she said, as she allowed herself to be cuffed and put into the car.

...

She went through the motions. She used her phone call to get a hold of an anxious Aziraphale. She sat in an empty cell at 2 in the morning with a feeling of great content. She just had to wait for Crowley to come bail her out.

Suddenly there was a commotion as the jail doors opened. 

"Bastards!" someone shouted. "Bloody fascists! All of you!"

Ruby stepped up to the bars. "Crowley?"

"Step back from the bars," said an officer.

She put her hands in the air and backed up. An officer unlocked the door and threw Crowley there.

"Let's just see if a little time cools you down, sir," the officer said. "Teach you a little respect."

Ruby sat next to Crowley and looked at him with expectation and amusement.

"What?" he said.

"Nothing," she said. "Bloody great rescue attempt."

"Aziraphale will have to bail us out then," Crowley said. 

She laughed. "So what are _you_ in for?"

...

He'd arrived at the jail to pay Ruby's bail, but had been displeased with the officers' attitudes.

"Let's just hope you can teach your daughter a bit more respect," one of them had said.

"She's got plenty of respect," Crowley said. _For people who deserve it._

"She's a bit mouthy, isn't she?" said another.

"Wouldn't shut up on the whole ride over," the first one agreed. "Very irritating. If I was her dad, I'd knock some sense into her."

"Well let's hope you never have children, officer," Crowley said.

"What was that?"

He smiled. "What are her charges?"

"Destruction of public property," the first one said. "She also managed to somehow deface the inside of my vehicle with her hands cuffed behind her."

"Good for her!" Crowley said.

"Sir, I don't think you understand. She wrote 'pig' on the side of the cruiser - never mind that we still don't know _how_ she managed that - and shouted extremely foul language."

"Remind me to buy her a milkshake after we leave."

"Sir-"

"I demand you release my daughter at once."

"There must be consequences for her actions."

"Consequences? Because she did the right thing? I think REWARD is the word you're looking for, gents. You expect us to punish her?"

"That would be a start."

"For what? For being right? For defending her beliefs?"

"For disrespecting authority."

"Yeah, but is that a crime? I mean you're grown adult men, you should have thicker skin than that. Besides, she always says that authority isn't absolute. When authority disrespects the people, it deserves to be challenged and disrespected."

The officer stepped right up to him. "Are you disrespecting me?"

"I thought I was being quite clear about that," he replied. "But, in case I wasn't, allow me to clarify. You and your whole fascist bloody precinct can take your authority and shove it up your-"

...

"I got in a fight," Crowley said. "It was very gallant. I'm a bloody hero."

She smiled. "For my honor?"

"You're damn right."

She leaned against his arm. "So now we just have to wait for Aziraphale."

...

Aziraphale walked into the precinct with the air of a person who's completely fed up.

"Where are you holding my husband and my daughter?" he asked imperiously.

The officer couldn't say why Aziraphale's cold blue eyes intimidated him so much, but he couldn't help it.

"They're being detained for assaulting officers," he said.

"Nonsense," Aziraphale said. "I demand you release them at once."

"They need to learn their lesson-"

"That is a sixteen year old girl with no prior criminal record," Aziraphale said firmly. "You will release her into care of her parents at once."

"What about the matter of bail-"

"No bail. She leaves with us. Now."

The officer was going to protest, but found himself overcome with dread at the idea of trying to disagree with him. "Right. At once."

...

"I knew you'd come for us, Aziraphale," Crowley exclaimed.

"Never doubted you for a second," Ruby said as she hugged him.

"What were you thinking, Crowley?" Aziraphale asked. "Assaulting a police officer?"

"I wasn't thinking," he said apologetically.

"Obviously," said Aziraphale. "Let's leave now."

Ruby and Crowley exchanged a glance. _Is he really mad at us?_

But the moment they left the precinct, Aziraphale's intimidating air evaporated.

"Who wants ice cream?" he asked.

Crowley laughed. "You really had me going for a moment there," he admitted.

"I can see the appeal of this acting thing," Aziraphale smiled sheepishly. "It is rather fun."

"Ice cream?" Ruby asked. "At 4 in the morning?"

"Why not?" Aziraphale asked. "My little rebel deserves a treat."

"Oh _hell_ yes," Ruby said.

...

The news broke with the identity of the vandal the following day.

"Hell yeah, Ruby," said Nick.

"What?" she asked.

"Your mug-shot's all over the internet," said Chell. 

Quinn passed by at that moment. "Someone's gonna be in trouble," she said. "I'd go ahead and pack your locker now. You're gonna be out of here before you even get a chance to see that my play is better than yours."

"Buzz off, Quinn," said Bradley.

Quinn smiled smugly and waltzed away.

"You don't think they'll really expel Ruby, do you?" Selwyn asked.

"Woah, expel?" Ruby asked. "Nobody said anything about expel."

...

But Ruby was summoned to the Headmaster's office, as were her parents.

"You can't expel her for this," Crowley said.

"She's got a criminal record now," the Headmaster said. "It's in the school bylaws that any student engaging in criminal activity is immediately expelled."

"But she was doing it for good reasons," said Crowley. "She's practically a freedom fighter!"

"Regardless, I can't just make an exception for your case-"

A knock was heard at the door.

"Just a moment," the Headmaster called back.

But the caller didn't wait. The door opened and the Headmaster's jaw dropped.

"I really am sorry to interrupt," said Sir Patrick Stewart. "But I do think I am relevant to your current conversation."

Ruby recognized the voice and instantly froze. She couldn't bring herself to look behind her in case it was a dream.

Patrick Stewart smiled. "Aziraphale," he said. He crossed the room to properly greet his old friend. "Good to see you. And you as well, Crowley."

"It's been a while," Crowley agreed.

"I'm sorry, I'm being rude," said the new arrival. "I'm-"

"Patrick Stewart," the Headmaster said, as he hurried to stand and shake the man's hand. "Yes, I know who you are."

"Excellent," he said. "And this must be young Ruby? I've heard very good things about you."

Ruby was trying her best not to seem star struck, but she couldn't deny being pleased. "You have?"

"You see, I've been hearing you've been doing some Shakespearean rewrites," he said seriously. "A noble adventure. Especially with the glowing praise your father has heaped upon your opening night. I wanted to stop by and offer my support for Battle of the Shrews and announce that I'm planning to attend this event. I'd like to generate publicity for it, which would lead to more funding for your school."

"Of course," the Headmaster said.

"But then I heard today of this little matter," he said. "And there are rumors that you would expel this girl for doing the right thing? I'm sorry, but I find that unacceptable. I should remind you, of course, that expelling her will kill her rebellious little production, effectively ending Battle of the Shrews and causing there to be no cause for free publicity."

"That is...an excellent point," the Headmaster said.

Ruby could hardly believe this was happening. A minute ago, she was sure she was being expelled. And now...

"I suppose we can give you one more chance, Miss Fell," said the Headmaster. "But no more scrapes with the law, do you understand?"

"Perfectly," she said.

...

They left the office and found a gaggle of kids staring. Ruby couldn't blame them. She couldn't help but stare.

"I expect great things from you, Miss Fell," Patrick Stewart said.

"So no pressure?" she joked.

He smiled. "You are your fathers' daughter, aren't you?" He turned to them. "A pleasure seeing you both again."

"Thanks for stopping by," Aziraphale said. "I can't tell you how much it means to me. I did want your interest in the play to be a surprise..."

"I'm just happy to help," he said. He looked at Ruby. "I'll be seeing you all very soon."

Ruby watched him go. "Did that just happen? Am I dreaming?"

The bell rang.

"No time for that now," Aziraphale said. "You've got to go to class. It's no good not being expelled if you don't go to class."

...

Ruby's friends had accosted her at various points throughout the day, but there hadn't been enough time to get into it.

"But Patrick Stewart!" Selwyn said for the millionth time at lunch. "I mean that was THE Patrick Stewart! I saw him!"

"I knew my parents know him," Ruby said. "But I wasn't expecting...He's coming to see the play."

Nick choked on his drink. "What, really?"

"Yeah," she said. "Apparently he's impressed with what he's heard about us."

"That has to sting," Bradley said as he watched Quinn from across the room. "Patrick Stewart shows up on your opening night to compliment the competition."

Chell laughed. "You're right! I'd forgotten that was tonight!"

"Are we going?" asked Katie. "I mean, should we?"

"They didn't come to see ours," Max said. "So why should we bother?"

"They didn't come to see us because they were sure we weren't a threat," Ruby said. "If we show up, it'll look like we're scoping out the competition. We can't look like we care."

"Aren't we forgetting something?" Selwyn asked. "Bradley's in this one."

"Don't bother with it," Bradley said. "Seriously, yours is way better."

"I can't imagine being brave enough to just go out in the middle of the night pulling up homeless spikes," said Katie. "I'd be too scared of getting caught. What was going through your head while you were doing that?"

"Honestly?" Ruby said. "Same thing that always is when I do stuff like this. Fetch the Bolt Cutters."

"What?" Selwyn asked.

"It's a Fiona Apple album," Nick explained. "And that totally tracks with what I know of you, I don't doubt that a bit."

"She inspires me," Ruby admitted.

"You know what, Ruby?" he said. "You've inspired me. This is - what - the third protest you've done this year? I don't like that you did it without me. If you do stuff like that, you should count me in."

"What really?" Ruby asked.

"Yeah," he said. 

"Me too," said Chell.

"I'd offer my support," Max said. "But..."

"But what?" Chell asked.

"I do sort of think you need to be more careful."

"Careful how?" Ruby asked.

"I mean, I agree with you and everything, but you've got people depending on you. The play would completely fall apart without you. If you'd been expelled, we'd be back to square one."

"I didn't think of that when I did it," Ruby admitted. "I'm sorry."

"You're so lucky," Max said. "I mean if someone like me pulled that kinda stuff, they wouldn't make it out alive. But you've got privilege, so you can get away with it."

Ruby was stung by the comment. "Wait, what do you mean I've got privilege?" she asked. "You don't know enough about my life to make that kind of call."

"It's not a judgment," Max said. "It doesn't cancel out what suffering you've been through. But you're a white girl. You get second chances that black people - especially black men - wouldn't get. And you've got to recognize the privilege of constantly getting out of trouble. You had a celebrity pull for you today. Most of us don't have famous people to vouch for us."

Ruby let the reality of these words sink in. "I never thought about it that way," she said. "I mean I've had thoughts along those lines but...I don't think I ever realized...You're completely right. What can I do better?"

"Just maybe think things through a little more before you do them," Max said. "The protest last week was smart, it was organized. Remember how we have safety in numbers? You can't do this alone. So we form a group. And we talk things through. And no one goes rogue."

Ruby thought of this. "I agree."

"So what?" Katie asked. "We form a politics club? Sounds a little risky. We'd be easy targets, especially since this school isn't built for that sorta thing."

That's when the idea hit Ruby. "All of us here are involved in the Improv Group, right? So we just pretend this is a normal Improv Group. We do our exercises, we play our games, but we're actually like secretly superheroes."

"Sort of like how in Supernatural, the book club was actually a coven," Selwyn added.

"Sure," Ruby said. "Maybe."

"We still haven't come up with a name for the Improv Group," Bradley pointed out. "We've been going round in circles, but never came up with one."

"How about the Improv(e) Group?" Selwyn said. "You know, like it's spelled 'Improv' but then we put brackets at the end and an 'E'. So it's Improv and Improve. Because we're Improving the world through Improv?"

"We'll work on it," Ruby said.


	45. For Her

No one was more amused than Crowley when he found out about Ruby's new project.

"An improv group that's secretly a political action group?" he asked.

"We're Improv(e)," Selwyn said. 

"We improve the world by yes and-ing life," Ruby said.

"Alright," Crowley grinned. "Do you have a specific agenda?"

"Agenda?" Ruby repeated.

"Yeah," he said. "Something you're specifically focused on. Groups normally have one big purpose."

"We were a little more broad than that," Ruby said. "It's more of a passion project."

"No that's good, that's good," Crowley said. "But you don't want it to come off like you're picking projects just to abandon them when you get bored. I know you're thespians, but you don't want your activism to seem performative."

Ruby opened her mouth to speak then closed it again. "That's...a good point. Maybe we do need to think of a focus. So what's everyone passionate about?"

"Gay rights?" Nick asked.

Ruby laughed. "Sure, but gays have rights."

"Tenuously," Aziraphale said. "The Tories make it clear those rights can be revoked at any time."

"Rights for minority groups are treated as points of debate," Crowley said.

"Besides," Selwyn said. "It's not like all gays have rights."

"Sure," Bradley said. "In third-world countries-"

"No, I mean right here," she said. "It's not like people with disabilities have full marriage equality."

"What do you mean?" Nick asked.

"Alright, let's say you have a disability," she explained. "Let's say you're on benefits. If your married or living together, you have a chance of losing benefits because the state expects the husband to be your carer. Regardless of if they're both on benefits or if they're low income."

"So is that our new project?" Ruby asked. "Marriage equality?"

"You're going to want to pick something a bit more in your wheelhouse," Crowley said. "You're a bunch of kids, nobody will listen to you on matters of marriage."

"We won't need to decide immediately," Ruby said. "I mean, until end of term, we really need to be focusing on Festival. After that, well...Anything's possible."

"Speaking of," said Aziraphale. "Have you heard anything about Quinn's production last night?"

"We haven't been paying attention," Ruby said. "It would seem like we cared if we read every review-"

"It went very well," Bradley said. "We're to go to Festival as well."

"Which was to be expected," Ruby said. "Of course."

"The reviews were glowing," Bradley said. "But they didn't have the same amount of passion that the ones for yours had. People were being very complimentary about Ruby in reviews that were meant to be for Quinn. Though they all made a point to say that the performances were so different that they were incomparable."

"We shall have to see, won't we?" Aziraphale asked.

...

At the last rehearsal before Festival, Freya took them aside.

"I know I shouldn't do this," she said. "It would be seen as a show of favoritism-"

"Which it isn't," Ruby said.

"Of course it is," Freya replied. "You'll have a chance to sign up for more electives for new term at Festival tomorrow. I know you'll be carrying over with me since my movement class carries over into next term, but I'm starting a musical theatre basics course."

"We're not on the musical theatre track though," said Ruby. "So what's this to do with us?"

"It's for people who don't have professional experience with musicals," she explained. "You don't need to have musical talent or even the ability to reach music. It's for those of you who won't get that experience out there in the world. We'll even put on our own production at the end of term."

"Oooh what will it be?" Chell asked.

Freya smiled. "You'll have to wait and see. But the class is first come first serve. You'll want to sign up quickly, if that's something you're interested in."

"Thanks for the heads up," Ruby said.

...

Greenwood Academy had many stages, and Ruby wandered the halls with her friends trying to decide which productions they should see first.

"If we see A Doll's House then we'll have to miss the interpretive dance showcase," Chell said.

"Small price to pay," Max said.

Aziraphale hurried to catch up with Ruby. "Ruby! Our guest is here!"

She turned to face him and spotted Patrick Stewart, who was walking leisurely behind with Crowley.

"My god," Selwyn said. "I might pass out."

"Miss Fell," he said as he reached them.

"Please, call me Ruby," she said.

He smiled. "Ruby. These must be your friends."

"Right, yeah," she said. "Selwyn, Max, Nick, Chell, Bradley, and Katie."

"Pleased to meet you all," the veteran actor said. "I'm looking forward to seeing your projects today. I've heard great things. Seen great things too."

"What do you mean?"

He smiled and turned to Selwyn. "Ruby's parents passed along the short scene you two wrote. It's spectacular. I'm quite sad we won't be seeing it today."

"Wow," Selwyn said. "I mean...Yeah. I am too. But we thought maybe this wasn't the right venue."

"We should talk in future about making this a full play," he said. "But that can wait til you're out of school, I should think."

"Wow," Selwyn said again. "Yeah. Definitely."

He looked at his watch. "We'd better run along. The press won't wait much longer."

"Press?" Ruby asked.

"How comfortable are you in front of a camera, Ruby?"

...

Ruby watched as the reporter set up her equipment.

"Whatsamatter?" asked Quinn smugly. "Never been on TV before? My agent always informs me of press requests ahead of time, I do hope yours was as generous."

The other students were very curious as to what the fanfare was all about. The interesting thing about Greenwood Academy is that students there are terribly busy and there are rather a lot of them. So there were a great deal many students who only had a vague notion of who Ruby was or had no interest whatsoever in her exploits. There simply wasn't time to be involved in every little show. Some students were envious that she was getting this sort of attention when she was essentially a nobody.

The reporter was a blonde woman named Lesley Cline. 

"We're here today with Patrick Stewart outside of Greenwood Academy," she said. "Sir Patrick, would you like to tell us why we're here today?"

"Certainly," he replied. "I recently heard of a most curious occurrence at this school - two rival productions of the same Shakespearean play. One, true to the original. The other, a rewrite done by a group of teenagers. I thought to myself, I simply must see this play out."

"And what play is it, Sir Patrick?"

"William Shakespeare's The Taming of the Shrew. It has always been a most controversial play and a lot of modernists simply refuse to touch it. I admire these teenagers for taking it on so boldly."

"I'm told we will be joined shortly by the stars of these productions."

"Yes indeed."

...

Ruby graciously allowed Quinn to step up for an interview first. The truth was, she was nervous. She didn't know what she should say or what questions they would ask. She thought watching Quinn do it would help give her a better idea.

"Could you state your name for the camera?" Lesley asked.

"Quinn Gabrielle Templeton," Quinn said imperiously.

Aziraphale made a quiet, displeased little noise deep in the back of his throat. "Gabrielle," he said under his breath. "Well, that explains nearly everything."

"It is an age-old rivalry, isn't it?" Crowley teased in a low voice. "Fells and people whose names circumstantially resemble a certain angel?"

"What is it, a name curse?" Ruby asked. "Everyone with the name Gabriel has to be an insufferable-"

"You're already a very accomplished actress in your own right, Quinn," said Lesley. "What made you decide to go to school instead of simply continuing on that track?"

"Well," Quinn said. "I wanted to get more serious about it, I suppose. I wanted to get more well-rounded. In order to avoid future typecasting, I suppose."

"And how did you feel after finding out that your understudies had decided to do a separate production from yours?"

"I understood and accepted the challenge. We had creative and artistic differences that simply could not be reconciled."

 _More like you're an awful person to work with, but sure,_ Ruby thought.

"Your rival in waiting off-screen right now," Lesley said. "I suppose we must get her perspective."

"If we must," Quinn said.

"Dear viewers," Lesley said. "Please welcome Greenwood's rising star, Ruby Fell."

Ruby took a deep breath and allowed herself to be herded into frame.

"Ruby," Lesley said. "We heard you had some recent trouble with the law?"

"It wasn't any trouble," Ruby said. "Well, maybe more for them than it was for me."

"Do you want to tell us more about that?"

"I dismantled some anti-homeless architecture in London," she said. "There's really not much I can say about it."

"What was going through your mind when you decided to do that?"

She didn't want to admit on television that she'd been homeless before since that would lead to further questions about where she came from. She glanced at Nick. "Fetch the Bolt Cutters, I guess?"

"And is this in any way related to your underground production of Taming of the Shrew?"

"Not directly. But I guess it's all the same."

"How so?"

"It's all systems of oppression, right? Sexism, classism...We've gotta show the ugly realities."

"And is that what you hope to achieve today?"

"Yes. This whole thing started because I got sick of seeing abuse framed as a punchline. So I made Taming of the Shrew into a horror movie. I'd say that I hope you enjoy the play, but it's really more important to me that it make you uncomfortable. It shouldn't be easy to watch. It should make you think. That's really what I hope to achieve. But I'm really not the one you should be talking to. It was my idea, but I couldn't've done it without my incredible supporting cast and crew. You should also track down our incredible mentor, Miss Sibella Zima. None of this would be possible without her help."

"That's incredibly humble, Miss Fell-"

"It's not humility, it's truth," she insisted. "There's all this focus on rising stars or what have you, where you hang success on a couple people who are lucky enough to be recognized. But none of us can do this alone. We all have people who helped us. Take Max Jawara, who was the first director who ever treated me as though my ideas were worthy and whose insights during the course of this project have been invaluable. Or Chell Whitby, whose collaboration with Katie Hastings created incredible costume design. Which would bring us to Nick...Whose last name I always seem to forget because nobody ever seems to use it. Sorry. But he did our makeup and helped with the set design as well. And of course nothing is possible without the brilliance of Selwyn Rose, whose quick mind finds solutions to technical problems that none of us would even think of. They're the backbone of this. They're always putting me forward for the talking bits because it's most of what I'm good for. Without them and the support of my teachers and family, I'd never get anything done. And that's the truth of it."

"I'm being told we have to go to commercial," Lesley said. "Stay tuned for the weather."

...

The night went perfectly. Ruby and her friends saw a great many productions of different types. They performed their first improv show in a small room on the third floor to an almost empty room, but the enthusiasm of Patrick Stewart in the audience was enough of a confident boost to keep them working.

"Why aren't you two up there?" Aziraphale asked of Katie and Selwyn. "Are you not also part of the improv group?"

"Sort of," Selwyn said. "But we're not really actors. We'll play the games, but when it's actually time to go up there, we'll sit it out."

...

"I've got to go," Bradley said apologetically. "My call time is in 20."

"Right," Nick said.

"We should all go," Katie said. "I mean there's no harm now, right? It's not scoping out the competition, it's just supporting Bradley."

"I think that would be fine," Ruby said. "But I don't speak for everyone."

...

They watched Quinn's performance in silence.

"You never said Quinn was actually a good actress," Aziraphale said.

"What were you expecting?" Ruby whispered. "You don't get into this school without talent. Anyway, the point was never that she wasn't a good actress. The point is that she isn't a good person. I don't think one should excuse the other."

...

"Ours is better," Selwyn said as they changed into their costumes. Their play was set to go on shortly. "You know it is."

"I do," said Ruby.

"Did everyone see Sir Patrick complimenting Quinn on a well-done performance after?" Nick asked.

Ruby had to admit to being a little disappointed about that. If Patrick Stewart actually enjoyed Quinn's performance, that meant they had to work harder to impress. "I did."

...

Ruby personally felt that this night was her best performance yet. Most everyone who had come to see Quinn's performance stuck around to see Ruby's. Everyone wanted a comparison. This was a competition, after all.

After everyone had taken their bows and left the stage, Sir Patrick Stewart found them yet again. He was wiping his eyes. 

"Congratulations, all of you," he said. "As much as it pains me to admit that the Bard was ever wrong, this was clearly a superior adaptation. It was deeply unsettling and moved me to tears. You turned a comedy into a tragedy that rivals the Scottish Play."

Ruby's spirits soared. "So you didn't think we went too far for having Katherine give her ending monologue after murdering her husband in a room full of people?"

"No, it was perfect," he replied. "Absolutely moving and horrifying. She would get on well with Lady Macbeth. Using her only weapon - manipulation - to trick him into thinking she'd been broken while biding her time."

"Well it wasn't entirely that," Ruby said. "Yes, in the end, she did use that to her advantage, but she did feel legitimate fear for him. She wasn't in control, so this was all that was left to her."

"Yes, I did pick up on that. A poignant commentary on the traps of traditional femininity." He spotted someone. "Ah, Miss Templeton! You must come join us!"

Ruby was surprised to see Quinn there, she hadn't realized she'd been attending the performance. Her rival was clearly trying to sneak away.

"Sir Patrick," she said. 

"You both did such wonderful jobs tonight," he said. "I do hope I'll be seeing more from the both of you in future."

"What do you mean?" Quinn asked.

"I'd be willing to throw my patronage behind the school if you'd do more competitions like this. I do realize you're moving on to university after this year, but you still have time to pick another play and do two versions of it."

Ruby and Quinn were both surprised by this request.

"Certainly," Quinn said. "That is, if Ruby is in agreement?"

"I don't know how I can refuse," Ruby said.

"Excellent!" he said. "I know I can expect great things from you all. And let's make it more interesting. A competition has to have a prize, doesn't it? I'll tell you what. The winning play each time will be made into a summer production at the Royal Shakespeare Company."

"You're joking," Selwyn said.

"I assure you, I'm entirely serious. I'll wait for reviews tomorrow, but I think it's safe to say the controversial rewrite will be declared the winner. I'd like to sponsor your entire cast and crew to come put this production on during the summer. Miss Templeton here will have a chance to win the same honor during your next battle."

"Royal Shakespeare Company?" Ruby repeated. "Someone pinch me, I must be dreaming."

"It's been her dream to perform for the RSC from the moment we told her it existed," Aziraphale smiled.

"Thank the gentleman, Ruby," Crowley said.

This jolted her back to reality. "Right, yeah, thank you. You have no idea what this means to me."

...

It was time to leave, but all in all, it had been a good day.

"We almost forgot," Crowley said. "We have a little surprise for you. You had a ghost in the audience tonight."

"I did?" she asked. "Who?"

"We told him to wait by the car," Aziraphale said.

"But then we had to explain what a car is," said Crowley.

"Well now I'm really curious," Ruby said.

They arrived at the car.

"Ruby, meet William Shakespeare," Aziraphale said.

"Oh," Ruby said. This was almost more shocking than meeting Patrick Stewart. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Shakespeare said. "Sorry for what?"

"Butchering your intention," she said. "I'm sure you have a few choice words for me about that."

"I do," he said. "And those are brilliant, spectacular, and incredible."

She blinked. "I'm sorry?"

Shakespeare laughed. "Is she sorry a lot?"

"She is," Crowley said. "Almost to a fault."

"It was a brilliant performance," Shakespeare said. "It made me wish I'd listened to Crowley all those years-"

"Centuries," Crowley mumbled.

"-ago," Shakespeare finished. "You have improved greatly upon my creation. I thank you for that. I never come down to see my own plays, especially when done by school children, but I have nothing but good things to say about what I witnessed tonight."

"Thank you," she said.

"No, thank you," he smiled. He disappeared.

She laughed. "Best. Day. Ever."

"He was hard to convince to come down," Aziraphale said.

"So you actually went to heaven to find him?" Ruby asked. "For me?"

He nodded. "I was on business anyway."

"Katie? Do you have news?"

He shook his head. "I can't get an audience with God at the moment. I keep being told she's busy."

"Ah," Ruby said. "Figures that God would flake out just when you need her." 

Crowley smiled. "Let's go home."

Ruby opened the door to the Bentley then stopped. "I forgot my bag. I'll have to go back for it! I'll just be a second!"

...

Ruby grabbed her bag from the green room and was almost out the door when Quinn caught up with her.

"Ruby-"

Ruby sighed. "What do you want? Because I've had a really good night and I've been about as civil as I'm going to be to you-"

"I just wanted to say that you were incredible tonight."

Ruby blinked. "What?"

"I went to watch because I wanted to mock it but I...couldn't," she admitted. "There wasn't a single thing wrong with it. And the longer I watched, the more that I realized you're right. And I just wanted to tell you that. I haven't been able to get it out of my head...I don't know, maybe that's a good thing. I just wanted you to know that yours was the better play. And the reviews will tell us that in the morning. I just wanted you to know that I know that. That's all."

She turned quickly and rushed away, leaving Ruby wondering what the hell had just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now we're going into the winter months. Everyone who's familiar with my trauma is probably getting very nervous as to what possible direction that will lead Ruby in. But I can't get into it now. I'm taking about two weeks off, but then we'll be back! We're getting traction now, and things will really start moving in a direction now. Soon we'll see why this part is called 'Going to Hell'.
> 
> A few more things you should know about me: I've never been in an improv group or a political club lmao. I just thought it would be thematically relevant to the direction this story is going in. I really was crowned 'improv queen' because I'm like...actually weirdly good at improv games. And I've saved more than one play I've been in when the other actors forgot their lines during performance. But as far as Taming of the Shrew goes...Yeah, I was in a production as Katherine when I was 15. I had to drop out. I was shortly after the really traumatic part of my life began (not that it was great before that) so being in a play where the character was being abused as I was didn't sit well with me if it was all for laughs. I thought maybe we could do rewrites and make it more feminist, but my director shot me down. So I left. I gave Ruby a different path here because I think that with a bit of support, kids are capable of doing really cool, creative things. Also, again, thematically relevant.


	46. Blackberry Stone

The reviews had been spectacularly complimentary and revealed what they already knew - that Ruby's little unauthorized performance had completely blown Quinn's out of the water.

"She really said that?" Nick asked. "You sure that was really her and not like a Cylon?"

"It was her," Ruby said. "Don't know what to make of it, really. She seemed weird about it too."

"Well of course she did," said Max. "Quinn's never admitted to being wrong in her life."

"Have you decided what our next play will be?" Chell asked.

There was a short pause.

"Why are you looking at me?" Ruby asked.

"I mean you're sort of the ringleader," Chell said. "Of course we'd ask you."

"No," Ruby said. "I'm not anybody's leader. We're a collective. We choose together."

"I'm fine with whatever you guys come up with," Katie said. "It's not me who's got to act in it."

"We should do Much Ado About Nothing," Nick said.

"Oh that's a good one!" Ruby said. "But what's our take on it? They're going to do theirs all straight-laced and by the book. We've got to be revolutionary again."

"Good point," Max said. "How about Othello then?"

"Personally I'm all for Hamlet," Ruby said. "I've _always_ wanted to be Ophelia."

"Oooh we can do your bipolar Hamlet idea!" Katie said.

Ruby smiled. "That's more of an interpretation than anything. It wouldn't really change the context of the play."

"Good point," said Katie.

"I think-" Selwyn began.

"We could try Romeo and Juliet?" Katie offered.

"Or-" Selwyn said.

"Sharks vs Jets?" Nick teased. "It's been overdone. We need something fresh."

"So we should-" said Selwyn.

"Julius Caesar?" Bradley asked.

"Again, where's the fresh take?" Chell said. "Shakespeare in the Park always does that with whoever the ruler of the day is, so don't mention the American president."

"If you want-" Selwyn said.

"We could actually do Macbeth-" Nick said.

"Guys, guys, guys," Ruby said, putting up a hand. "I think Selwyn's trying to speak. Why not give her a turn and hear what she has to say?"

Selwyn felt as though a warm glow had passed over her. Ruby had noticed her. _Nobody_ notices her. She'd always been the person that everyone talked over, but Ruby was treating her like her opinion mattered. This never happened unless it was an actual tech question.

_Oh no._

Because now she was on the spot. She wasn't used to being paid this much attention and suddenly she doubted her idea.

"Well, Selwyn?" Ruby asked. "What is it?"

"Uh..." Selwyn stammered. "Nothing. Probably stupid."

"I'm sure that's not true," Ruby said. "Come on, what is it?"

"We could, uh, do Twelfth Night," she offered timidly.

"I like Twelfth Night," Ruby said. "What's your take?"

"Make it...gay?"

For a moment, nobody spoke. 

"Sorry," she said hurriedly. "Told you it was stupid."

"No," Nick said thoughtfully. "Go on."

Ruby smiled encouragingly. "Sounds like the beginning of something."

"Well the cross-dressing is our gateway, yeah?" Selwyn asked. "Figuring with our group, we could do something with gender expression."

"Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?" Max asked.

"Only if that's okay?" Selwyn said nervously. "If that's offensive in some way..."

"No," Max said. "That's brilliant."

"What's she suggesting?" asked Katie.

"Trans Viola?" Selwyn said.

"That's bloody brilliant," said Nick.

"My dads are gonna _love_ that," Ruby said.

"But that's not all," said Selwyn. "I mean we could take it further with the romances as well. I'm thinking-"

Ruby snapped her fingers as she got it. "Polycule?"

Selwyn grinned. She was so relieved to be understood. "Polycule," she agreed.

"Selwyn Rose, you're a genius!" Nick exclaimed.

"Quinn's just gonna flip when she hears about this," Chell grinned.

"We won't have to wait long," Bradley said. "Here she comes."

Quinn avoided looking directly at them as she approached. 

"Quinn," Max said. "Come to make some snide remarks?"

"No," she said awkwardly. "I came to congratulate you again. And to, uh, ask if you'd given any thought to what we should compete over next term?"

"We have, actually," said Ruby. "Just now."

"How does Twelfth Night sound?" Max asked. "We'll do our rewrite, you do the proper version?"

"Sounds fair," she said. "I look forward to it."

They watched her go in baffled silence.

"She wasn't rude even once," Chell said. "What's gotten into her?"

"Cylon," Nick said. "Hey Ruby, do Cylons exist?"

"I don't know what that is," she said apologetically.

"So that's really it?" Katie asked. "Hard to believe. I mean, we got our stuff out of the way on the first night, so now we can just watch other people's shows all day today. And then what? Term's over?"

"Yeah," Bradley said. "We made it. You lot have big plans for Christmas?"

"You know good and well that my parents and I will be at your Christmas party, Bradley," said Chell. "As we are every year."

"I forgot that you go to those," Nick said.

"They're boring, no offense," she said. 

"You're always sitting there on your phone, not talking to anyone," said Bradley. "It's no wonder we weren't friends until now."

"Are we friends now?" Chell teased.

"So what about the rest of you?" Bradley asked. "Maybe I can swing some more invitations."

"You know you couldn't," said Nick. "Not for people like me. But it's alright. Mum and I have a sort of low-key Christmas. It'll be later in the day because she works overnight on Christmas Eve, but that works for me."

"My mum will drag me to church," said Max. "So thanks for the offer, but there's no way I can get out of it."

"Can my gran and I come?" Katie asked. "I dunno if my gran will be up for it, but I know she's always wanted to go to a proper Christmas party. Might be fun to get out of the house."

"I'll see what I can do," Bradley said. "And what about you, Ruby? Got any plans?"

"Me?" Ruby said. "Oh I dunno. First Christmas with my dads. We haven't discussed it. I don't even know if we'll do anything. Which is fine by me, honestly. I'm not much for Christmas."

"Why not?" Bradley asked. "Christmas is the best!"

Ruby smiled politely and avoided the question. "Just not really my thing."

"You forgot how emo she is," said Chell is a stage-whisper. "She only likes Halloween."

"You're not wrong," she said. 

"How's that going?" Bradley asked. "Her living in the woods behind your house, I mean?"

"It's fine," Ruby said. "They come up for dinner every so often. I never thought it would be nice having neighbors. So you haven't said much, Selwyn. Are you going home for Christmas?"

Selwyn smiled awkwardly. "You do know I'm Jewish, don't you?"

Ruby blinked. "I didn't. Sorry. So are you, uh, going home for Hanukkah?"

Selwyn laughed. "No, it's not really that important of a holiday. My mum's still giving me hell about not going home for Yom Kippur. I'm definitely gonna have to make it up to her on Passover."

Ruby picked up something in Selwyn's tone that made her think something else was going on. "So what will you do? Are you just staying here over the break?"

Selwyn's smile flickered. "Not sure yet," she said. "Miss Zima is trying to get the headmaster to agree to let me stay."

Ruby didn't like the sound of that, but she decided not to say so in front of the others. She felt her phone buzz in her pocket. She knew what that meant.

"My dads are dropping off some stuff for me," she said. "Selwyn, do you wanna give me a hand with it?" 

"Yeah, sure," she said.

...

Aziraphale had been overjoyed to hear that the kids liked his cooking, so had prepared a lunch for them. Ruby had been instructed not to say a word. It wasn't a lot of food and she probably could've just had her dads help her with it, but she wanted to talk to Selwyn alone.

"Hey can I ask you something?" Ruby asked.

"Oh God," Selwyn said. "Did I do something wrong? I say the wrong thing sometimes and don't ever know until later and then they're all like 'hey why are you weird'-"

"No no you didn't do anything wrong," Ruby assured her. She definitely sympathized with this reaction. "Do people often make you feel like you've done something wrong?"

"Yeah," she said. "I mean that just goes with the territory. I don't get cues and people won't explain them so what I do is wrong."

"I don't believe that."

Selwyn was confused. Usually people tried to ask her questions after the fact to lead up to telling her off. If she hadn't done anything wrong, then what could this be about?

She swallowed hard and her pulse quickened as a flicker of hope sprang to life within her. There was one possible question it could be. And of course this is one you'd want to ask when you were alone...

"Anyway, yeah," Ruby said. "I wanted to ask..."

Selwyn clasped her hands together to keep from fidgeting and tried to look uninterested. But then she worried that maybe her uninterested face looked strange. She was used to being told that her facial expressions were strange. _Oh God what if Ruby thinks I'm making weird faces at her..._

"Are you okay?" 

Selwyn's thoughts were racing. "Um yeah," she said. "Yeah, sorry, I'm good. What was your question?"

Ruby stared at her. "That was it. Are you okay?"

"Oh." Selwyn tried not to show outwardly that she felt as though her chest were deflating like a balloon. "Erm, yeah, sure I am. Why do you ask?"

"I dunno, you just seemed a little...I just noticed you never talk about your family. I mean I guess none of us really do much, but you're all the way out here and your family is in Wales. And you're trying real hard not to have to go home."

Selwyn avoided her gaze. "It's just real complicated," she admitted. "It's not like they're bad, it's just...I'd rather not."

"I understand," Ruby said. "What are you gonna do if you can't stay on campus?"

She shrugged. "I dunno. Miss Zima said we'd work that out when we got there."

"But you definitely don't wanna go back home?"

She didn't immediately answer, but finally she shook her head.

The two girls finally made it to the Bentley.

"There you are!" Aziraphale said. "Selwyn! So lovely to see you!"

Aziraphale had always been cool with Selwyn, but she'd noticed that he'd taken more of an active interest in her over the past few weeks. When she'd visit, she noticed that he talked more easily with her and was almost...Well, she didn't want to use the word _kind..._

But it didn't feel like pity. That was good. 

"I thought she could help us carry the food," Ruby said. "Selwyn's always so helpful."

Selwyn felt as though her heart shouldn't soar at being described as 'helpful', but it did. It was a fairly innocuous word, one that was decidedly platonic. And yet...Well, _helpful_ implied that they kept her around for a reason. That she had a use and a purpose. That she wasn't just a drain on the collective consciousness...

"Selwyn just had a brilliant idea for our next play," Ruby said. "Do you wanna tell 'em, Selwyn?"

Selwyn very much did want to tell them, but she couldn't make the words come out. This sometimes happened. She was just starting to get embarrassed when Ruby cut in.

"It's Twelfth Night except Viola is trans and they're all in a polycule!" she said. "Isn't that brilliant?"

Crowley lit up as the suggestion. "Now I would pay good money to see that one!" he said.

"A marvelous idea, my dear," Aziraphale beamed.

Selwyn grinned. "Th-thanks," she said.

Now with the small talk out of the way, Ruby could get to what she actually wanted to say. "Selwyn was just telling me that she doesn't really feel like going back to Wales for Hanukkah."

Aziraphale beamed at Selwyn. "You didn't say you're Jewish, my dear?"

Selwyn wasn't always good at reading cues. "Is that bad?"

"No on the contrary," Aziraphale said. "I once slipped and told Pope Alexander VI that I preferred Jewish company to all that he could offer me within the Vatican."

"You did not!" Crowley said fondly.

"I feel as though I should regret it, but to this day I cannot. I stand by my statement."

"As you should," Crowley said. "I took a commendation for a lot of the excesses of the Catholic church in those days, but honestly I found it all a bit-"

"Offensive?" Aziraphale offered.

"More tacky, I guess would be the word. I mean the fashion itself was a bit..."

Ruby knew them well enough by now to let them talk a bit before directing them back to the topic. They tended to go on tangents, it was just their way. 

"Anyway," she said. "As I was saying. Selwyn isn't going back to Wales over the break, but she can't keep staying on campus. I was wondering if it might be okay if she used the bookshop for the next month? She could stay at the apartment that I was originally going to live in."

Selwyn's eyes widened. "Oh no, no I couldn't, you don't have to do that..." she protested.

Aziraphale and Crowley were both struck by what a good actress their daughter was. She was presenting this all as a sort of casual afterthought, as if nothing in the world were amiss. But they could feel that something was troubling her and knew she was hoping they'd pick up on that. Ruby was concerned for Selwyn. And even though Crowley in particular would pretend like he was just concerned because Ruby was, they actually quite liked Selwyn. If there was any reason why Ruby should feel concern, then they wanted to help.

"No, I don't think that's wise," Aziraphale said tactfully. "I think, if anything, she should stay with us over the holiday. Your old spare room has been empty since we moved you into the tower. That should do nicely."

Selwyn was very moved by their offer, but also not sure what she should do. She liked hanging out over at the Fells. She always had a nice time. But she couldn't impose on them. She felt cornered and was unsure whether she was supposed to accept this or politely decline.

"Mr. Fell, you don't have to do this," she said. "I'll be just fine. I'll - I'll figure something out."

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows. "So you haven't figured something out yet? I understand that you live on school property, Selwyn. If you're not staying here and you're not going home, what will you do?"

"I hadn't figured that out yet," she admitted.

"We'd be happy to have you as a house guest," Aziraphale said. "You're much quieter than our Ruby-"

"Hey!" Ruby protested. "I used to be quiet! It's your fault for letting me get too comfortable!"

"And you're much easier to feed," Aziraphale pressed on. "I spend so much time thinking of what I should make for supper, but you're easy. I can just make basically the same thing constantly and you're happy."

Ruby feigned offense. "Well if you like her so much, maybe you should just adopt her as your daughter then."

"Oh hush, you," Aziraphale said fondly. He held out a hand to Ruby and she rolled her eyes and came toward him. He put an arm around her, but kept his eyes on Selwyn. "You're welcome in our home, dear. We'd be happy to have you over."

Selwyn wanted to take the offer, but could also see clearly all the reasons this could go wrong.

"Come on," Ruby said. "It'll be fun."

Selwyn found it difficult to say no to Ruby. She smiled tentatively. "Alright. Yeah. If you're sure it's no trouble, I'd love to stay."

"Wonderful," Aziraphale said. "I'd hate to have to miracle your bags back to your room."

Selwyn blinked as she became aware of the fact that her fully packed bags were visible in the back of the Bentley. "Right," she said. "Yeah."

"What time should we pick you up?" Crowley asked. 

"Depends on which time Selwyn's last show is," Ruby said.

Aziraphale smiled pleasantly. "I wasn't aware you were in a show today, Selwyn. Maybe we should grab some tickets, Crowley-"

"No no," Selwyn said hastily. "That won't be necessary. I'm a tech. I run them on a lot of shows. I'm not actually up there or anything. There's no need to go out of your way."

"Nonsense," Aziraphale said. "We always enjoy supporting Ruby's friends. Have Ruby text us a list and we'll be happy to attend."

"Right," Ruby said. "Which reminds me that we should go before the food gets cold." She kissed Aziraphale on the cheek. "Thanks, Dad. See you later."

"Always happy to help," Aziraphale said.

Aziraphale and Crowley watched the two girls walk away with the bagged lunches.

"What was that all about?" Crowley asked quietly.

"I don't know," Aziraphale replied. "Ruby's evidently concerned for the girl. She has very good instincts about this sort of thing, so I'm inclined to trust them-"

"I don't just mean about that," Crowley said. "You were very almost nice to the girl."

"I'm an angel," he said. "It's my duty."

"Oh come on," Crowley said. "Even as an angel you were never that nice. You're going out of your way to be supportive to this girl we hardly know. And you can't even give me the excuse that you've done this before with Freya and the others because this is different."

"I don't know what you mean," Aziraphale said.

Crowley knew he wasn't going to get anything out of him this way, so he decided to drop it. 

...

Ruby and Selwyn carried their sack lunches through the halls as they hurried to meet back up with their friends.

"You didn't have to do that, you know," said Selwyn.

"Yeah I did," said Ruby.

"Why?"

"I dunno," she shrugged. "Just did. You didn't have to say yes. If you don't want to stay with us, you don't have to."

"I want to," she said. "I'm just like...Thanks?"

"Don't mention it." She spotted Miss Zima leaving her classroom. "Except now." She waved her free hand in the air. "Oh! Miss Zima!"

Miss Zima noticed the movement and looked up. "Hello Ruby. Selwyn, I was just coming to find you. I've got the keys from the headmaster so you can stay here on campus."

Ruby and Selwyn glanced at each other, and Selwyn could somehow tell that Ruby was giving her an out. If she wanted to stay on campus during the holiday, she could. She wouldn't pressure her to do anything she didn't want to do.

"Actually, Miss Zima," said Selwyn. "Thanks, but Ruby's dads just invited me to stay with them. Hope that's okay?"

Miss Zima tried to disguise her relief, but didn't do a very good job. "No, that's marvelous! Honestly, I didn't like the idea of you staying on your own for a month. Not that you can't handle it, but I can imagine that could get terribly lonely." She smiled. "The Fells are good people. They'll see that you're well taken care of."

Ruby thought this was a good opportunity to ask something that had been on her mind for ages. "Miss Zima, if you don't mind me asking: How do you know my dads?"

She chuckled. "Have they never told you?"

Ruby lifted her shoulders slightly in a sort of half-shrug. "When I asked, they said I'd have to ask you. Well, the real phrasing they use is 'it's her own business'. That's how they talk about everyone they know and it makes me insanely curious."

"Aziraphale's still a bit embarrassed about it, I should think."

Now she was definitely interested. "Embarrassed? Why?"

She laughed. "Well this was years ago. Back when I was still dating Freya-"

Ruby held up a hand. "Wait, wait. You were dating Freya? As in Freya _Devlin_?"

"Yeah," Miss Zima said. "Did no one ever tell you that?"

"I guess it never came up," Ruby said.

"Please go on," said Selwyn.

Miss Zima grinned. "Well like I said, this was years ago. Freya introduced Aziraphale to me, thinking he could cure me."

"Of what?" asked Selwyn.

Miss Zima tapped her ear with a fingertip. 

"Ohhhhh..." Ruby said. 

Both Ruby and Selwyn often forgot that Miss Zima could technically be considered disabled, because she blended in so well.

"Let's just say I didn't appreciate that," Miss Zima said. "I've never enjoyed the idea that I'm broken or need to be fixed. I do quite well for myself. I demand accommodations and have high expectations of those around me. I expect others to work just as hard to understand me as I do to understand them. I understand that on an individual basis, some with similar conditions may want a cure, but I've never been interested in one. I do very well on my own. I'm not something to be pitied."

"No you definitely aren't," Ruby acknowledged.

"Aziraphale and I became great friends after I introduced him to some disability advocacy groups," said Miss Zima. "He's come a long way from how he used to be. But don't go thinking that he was ever terrible when it came to how he treated us - he always believed that we were exactly as God intended us to be. He was just a little misguided as to what a happy ending would look like."

Ruby found this story fascinating for a lot of reasons, but only one was pressing enough to ask about. "Miss Zima, did he tell you what he was back then?"

"No," Miss Zima admitted. "He hadn't even told Freya. But we all knew there was something different about him. We knew he could do things if he really wanted to. I know at the time he was reluctant to be involved - he was doing it purely as a favor for Freya." She smiled sadly. "Freya was very different back then too. I'm always so proud to think how far she's come..."

"What do you mean?" Ruby asked.

Miss Zima snapped herself out of it. "Never mind that. Your dads are perfectly right to have a no gossip policy. That's Freya's business, and I've got no business repeating it. I'm very happy that you've found a place to go over the holiday, Selwyn. To be honest, I wasn't really comfortable with leaving you here all alone. If it came to it, I was considering letting you stay with me and Tessa. But this is better for you. Being around people your own age, I mean. I do hope you have fun."

"Oh speaking of fun," Ruby said. "Selwyn's given us our idea for next term's Shakespeare project."

Miss Zima smiled at Selwyn. "Well let's hear it!"

"It's, uh..." Selwyn cleared her throat. "Twelfth Night, but Viola is trans and the main love interests end up in a polycule."

"That's fantastic!" she grinned. "And scandalous. I honestly can't wait to see how we pull that one off. Have you told Ariela yet?"

"Not as far as I know," said Ruby.

"I'll take care of that, then," Miss Zima replied. "I have to hand back her final paper anyway. If you'll excuse me, girls..."

Miss Zima rushed away.

"Oh I almost got a chance to stay with Miss Zima?" Selwyn said regretfully. 

"Don't sound so disappointed," teased Ruby.

"No no," Selwyn said. "I didn't mean...Of course I'm glad to be hanging out with you. Miss Zima's so cool though."

"Yeah, she is," Ruby said. "So who's Tessa?"

"I think that's the new girlfriend," Selwyn said. 

"Why hasn't she been to any shows?" Ruby asked.

"I think Miss Zima's still in a bit of a tricky spot when it comes to being out in public," said Selwyn. "I mean you know she almost got fired last year for it."

"I think I heard something about that, yeah."

"She doesn't want to expose anyone she's dating to that sort of scrutiny until she's sure they'll stick around. At least that's the impression I get."

"You know her well enough to get impressions?"

Selwyn shrugged. "Guess so."

...

Miss Zima wasn't only the Shakespeare teacher, she was also in charge of a few screenwriting classes. It was one of her joys in life to nurture young minds and help them tell their stories. She always said that everyone deserves a voice.

"There you are," she said as she caught up with her star pupil. "I've got your final paper. I'm sorry it took me so long to part with it, but I really did enjoy it."

Ariela took back her script and beamed. "I was very proud of it too. Just like I am that we're taking our Taming of the Shrew to RSC over the summer."

"You must be very excited."

"I am. Did you hear what we're doing next? Max was just filling me in."

"I did," Miss Zima replied. "Right up your street. Think you'll audition for this one?"

Her smile faltered. "Oh I dunno..."

"You should, it would be a great opportunity."

"I'm happy where I am," she said. "Honestly."

"Alright," Miss Zima said. "You said you were talking to Max? Know where I can find our budding new director?"

...

Miss Zima found Max hanging with friends in the greenroom.

"Max!" Miss Zima said, waving her hands to attract attention. 

Max took this as a cue to get up and talk to Miss Zima privately. "I'll just be a minute, guys."

The two of them huddled in the hallway outside, safely out of earshot.

"What's up?" Max asked.

Miss Zima handed over a stack of papers. "I've got your final project graded," she said.

Max's eyes widened. "An A?"

"I only wish I had an ever better grade than an A to offer you," Miss Zima said. "It's excellent. Provocative. Incredibly controversial."

"More controversial than anything else I've worked on recently?" Max asked.

"You know it is," Miss Zima said. "This isn't just a critique of an old play. This is an interpretation of modern events. It's incredibly ambitious for such a young writer, but you carry it off perfectly. You push boundaries, but give the material the proper amount of respect. It was profoundly moving."

"Thank you," Max said. "You know it's very personal to me."

"I'd like you to consider moving forward with it."

Max blinked. "Now? Wouldn't it be better to wait until things have cooled down? Or at least til I have some more experience or resources-"

"No. Now is the perfect time. No pressure, though. I'd like you to consider it over the holiday. But consider it greenlit." 

...

Selwyn hadn't needed to worry about getting her bags to her room - they were miracled there for her. She'd been in this house dozens of times since the start of term, yet she felt somehow more awkward now than she ever had before.

"You alright?" Ruby asked. The tone was unconcerned, almost playful. 

Selwyn abandoned her thoughts. "Yeah," she said. "Great. Thanks for having me."

"Always a pleasure," Aziraphale replied. 

"I'm not using the room," Ruby said. "Always think its worth putting empty rooms to good use. You know there are more empty rooms in the world than homeless people?"

"Is that true?" Selwyn asked.

"Well," Ruby said. "I know it's true that there are more empty homes than homeless people in America. I took a leap and assumed the same must be true for everywhere..."

"We'll look into it," Aziraphale said. "Always best to-"

"Check my sources before speaking," Ruby said. "Yes, I know. Well, I'm gonna get in pajamas. Movie before bed, anyone?"

"It is a time honored tradition," Crowley said.

"I'll make the hot chocolates," Aziraphale said. "Can I get you a juice, Selwyn?"

_Oh no, a direct question._

"Uh...sure," she said. "Thanks."

"What kind?"

_Oh no, a choice._

"Anything's fine."

Ruby could see that Selwyn was feeling a bit awkward. "It's no trouble," she said. "We can get anything you want. But Aziraphale will feel just awful if he picks something for you and you don't like it."

She hoped this was enough to make Selwyn feel bold enough to make a decision.

It was. "...Apple juice, then?" Selwyn said tentatively. "If that's alright?"

Aziraphale smiled warmly. "Perfectly."

...

Selwyn had been in this bedroom once before, back when it was Ruby's room. It was different without her various posters and mushrooms, which had been moved up to the tower at the beginning of October. Selwyn felt so out of place, but that wasn't anyone's fault this time. She tended to feel a bit out of place wherever she went. She was never sure what the rules were.

She pulled on a pair of baggy light-pink sweatpants and a long-sleeved fuzzy pink shirt with thin black stripes. Then she stopped. She wondered if it was okay to leave the room yet. What if she left the room and nobody was ready yet? Then she'd just have to awkwardly wait for them to be ready. Where would she wait? Main room? But then Ruby and the others would leave their rooms and see that she'd been waiting. She could go straight to the living room, but she was faced with that same possibility. They'd see that she'd been waiting. And was she supposed to just sit down? Or wait for them? It was all terrifying.

She took so long to deliberate that she heard footsteps on the spiral staircase to Ruby's room. She took this as a sign that she wouldn't have to be waiting and took a deep breath before opening the door.

Ruby had changed into black sweatpants and a shirt that said "witch please" in green letters with a witch flying over them on a broomstick. She smiled when she saw Selwyn.

"Good, I was just gonna come find you," she said. "We usually watch a movie before bed, just to wind down. If you have any other like special routines, that's okay or whatever. This is just what we do. No pressure or anything."

Selwyn realized that Ruby had probably been reading up about autism. "I do have routines," she admitted. "But I usually watch a movie before bed too. Usually by myself, but this sounds cool too."

Ruby smiled and began to turn toward the kitchen door so she could make her way into the living room. Then she caught herself. "Oh also, if you feel at any point - tonight or any other time - like you're just like out of socializing energy, you don't have to stay in the room or make excuses or anything."

"I appreciate that," Selwyn said. "I guess you've been doing some reading?"

Ruby nodded. "I mean I try. But also that's just a good thing to know anyway. Everyone who lives here runs out of socializing energy sometimes. Crowley goes off with his plants, Aziraphale holes up with a book, I go hang out with my mushrooms. It's really not a big deal. Everyone needs a recharge sometimes."

"I'll keep that in mind," Selwyn said.

Ruby and Selwyn entered the kitchen just as Aziraphale was filling the last mug of hot chocolate.

"Ah, Selwyn!" he said. "Your apple juice is in the red cup on the table."

Selwyn located it and picked it up carefully. "Thanks."

They made their way to the living room.

"Go on, take a seat," Ruby said as she and her dads settled on the sofa. 

Selwyn settled on an armchair.

"Whose turn is it to pick the movie?" Crowley asked.

"Think it's Ruby's," said Aziraphale.

"Don't be silly," Ruby said. "It's Selwyn's."

Selwyn's eyes widened. "Oh no, no I couldn't-"

"You're the guest," Ruby said. "We have a lot of movies. VHS, laser disk, DVD, and some streaming. Pick anything you want."

Her mind was completely blank. She couldn't think of a single thing they could watch. "Somebody else pick, I really can't-"

Ruby smiled. "I mean, it's speak now or forever hold your peace," she said. "Because if it's up to me, we're watching the Mummy again."

"I like that one," Selwyn said. "Let's do that one."

"Alright," Ruby said. "But I did warn you. It's sort of like our Rocky Horror."

"Don't pretend you understand that reference, Hellcat," Crowley said fondly. "We've told you we're not taking you to Rocky Horror til you're 18."

...

Selwyn had never spent time with a stranger group of people. Their strangeness put her at a certain level of ease. She was used to having to be on her guard in order to make people think she was normal, but the Fells didn't try at all. In her mind, this had to be exactly what it would be like to have a sleepover with the Addams Family.

They laughed easily and made jokes - and Selwyn could tell sometimes that they made these same jokes often and always got the same effect. Selwyn could see that Ruby was totally relaxed. She never seemed to be that way, so it was a different look for her. She sat between her dads while Crowley braided her hair absently. It took Selwyn a few moments to notice what was odd about that. It was that Ruby's hair, which was normally just below chin length, seemed to be lengthening in Crowley's hands as he weaved it into a single braid over her left shoulder. Neither one of them seemed to notice this, as their eyes were firmly glued to the screen.

Crowley turned off the television after the film ended. "Bed, Angel?" he asked. 

"Think that's best," said Aziraphale. They both got up. "It's very nice having you with us, Selwyn. We do so enjoy the company. Can we get you anything before we turn in?"

"No," Selwyn said. "Thank you, though."

"Night, all," Crowley said as they took their leave of the two teenagers.

The two girls stayed in their seats.

"Sure you don't want anything?" Ruby asked. "Water, maybe?"

Selwyn was parched. "I'd love a water," she admitted.

"Coming right up," Ruby replied. She held up her pointer finger and waved her hand in a circular motion. Selwyn's cup filled up with water. "Hope that's okay. Get a bit lazy this time of night."

Selwyn took a sip. It was water alright. "So you're getting better with controlling your magic, then?"

Ruby nodded. "I'm still not like a super-witch or anything, but I'm getting the hang of small stuff. Now that we're on break, I should have more time with my coven."

"Your coven?"

"Yeah, couple of girls I met at WitchCon. They're cool, we just don't end up having time to hang out. Do you need another water?"

Selwyn shook her head. "No, thanks."

"Just wanna make sure you're comfortable."

"You don't have to get all fussy over me just because you did some research."

Ruby smiled to herself. "I'm not. I just remember what it was like when I first moved in and I wanna make sure you know you're welcome here."

Selwyn thought this was an interesting thing to say. "What was it like when you first moved in?"

Ruby averted her gaze. "It's complicated. Aziraphale and Crowley were always great to me, but I was suspicious. Didn't know I could trust them. There were things going on that I was keeping from them, you know. Didn't want to involve them or at the very least thought that if I tried to involve them they'd make it worse or wouldn't want to help." She snapped her eyes back to Selwyn and watched her carefully. "Of course they did want to help me. I'm still here because they would do anything for me, if I just bothered to ask. But I remember after we got past that, it took me ages to feel like I really belonged here. I wanted to, but I'm not used to people like them. Aziraphale had to constantly remind me that this was my home and I was allowed to exist in it. It took me a long time to stop feeling like a burden and an inconvenience."

"How did you stop feeling that way?"

"Well," Ruby said. "I guess I sort of still do sometimes. Maybe the feeling never totally goes away, but I feel it less and less. My point is that I know how you're feeling because I've been there too. You're welcome here, Selwyn Rose. Unconditionally. I'd like you to make yourself at home."

"Home isn't really the place I'd like to be," Selwyn admitted. "I know it's weird to say..."

"No it's not," Ruby said. "I didn't really understand the concept of home before I came here. Home for me felt like a prison. It was dark and painful there, and everything I did was wrong."

"Yeah but see, for me, everywhere's like that. The only time I feel totally in my element is when I'm running tech. Everywhere else, people make it clear that I'm different. That I'm just sort of a pitiful creature that can't do anything right. I'll never measure up or be useful."

Ruby considered this. "I know how that feels in my own way. And pushing past the point that you _are_ useful and you've proven that over and over again, I think, maybe, being useful isn't the most important thing. Everyone talks about wanting a purpose, but sometimes that's worse. I mean, I'm always sort of wondering in the back of my head if people aren't just keeping me around because I'm useful. Maybe it's better just to have the freedom to do things that make you happy."

"How?"

"I haven't quite figured that part out, yet, to be honest."

"Let me know when you do?"

"You'll be the first to know."

Selwyn felt a little better. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For listening. Not just now, but earlier too. People normally just sort of talk over me. I don't think it's always their fault. Maybe there's like a rhythm and flow to conversation that I just never got the hang of. It's always like if I wait for a natural pause in conversation, it moves on without me. But if I try to jump in, people talk over me like I'm not there. And sometimes I can get a word in but it's always after they've gotten to a new topic, so it's like I'm dragging them kicking and screaming back to the thing that I actually had an opinion about. So mostly I just don't talk."

Ruby nodded. "Well you can talk to me."

Ruby wondered for a moment if Selwyn was actually going to share what was on her mind, but it became clear that she wasn't that comfortable.

"You have really good ideas," Ruby insisted. "If no one else will make sure you're able to be heard, then I will." Selwyn still wasn't answering so Ruby took a wild guess as to the cause. "So? Bedtime?"

Selwyn nodded. "Yeah, sorry. Long day."

"You're welcome to stay up as long as you like," Ruby said. "Telly's just there. And you're welcome to our books - just be careful with them. You've got a record player and a CD player just there."

"What's your WiFi password?"

Ruby blinked. "My what?"

"WiFi password," Selwyn repeated. "For the WiFi. So you can get internet."

"Oh. Don't think we have one of those. It kind of just works on its own. Anything else you'd like to make yourself more at home?"

"Do you have a PlayStation?"

"No, sorry," Ruby said. "I've never gamed much. Oh, but..." She got up and motioned for Selwyn to follow her to the kitchen. "You're welcome to food whenever you want, no strings attached. I was very nervous and self conscious when I first moved in here. Thought being up in the middle of the night or eating without being offered would make me bad, but my dads honestly don't care. So dry food ingredients and snacks are in the cupboard across from the refrigerator. Soup stocks and canned ingredients are in the cupboard next to the refrigerator, to the left. The cabinet on the other side of the refrigerator has spices and stuff, and the drawer underneath that is for silverware. The other cabinet on the side of the sink is where the plates are. You don't need to worry about washing them, we'll miracle 'em clean later. And I'm serious, you're welcome to anything you want whenever you want it. You don't have to feel embarrassed or nervous about getting a midnight snack and you don't need to ask. Well, unless there's something you need that we don't have. Then you definitely should ask. Aziraphale's normally awake by 9, Crowley and I wake up some time around 10:30. But feel free to wake up whenever. Aziraphale will miracle your breakfast so it stays hot until you wake up."

"That's very nice of him."

"You're in my old room, so you've got your own bathroom," Ruby said. "Shower's pretty self-explanatory, but you can text me if you need me to come down and explain anything."

Selwyn thought privately that she'd rather die than have to have Ruby show her how the shower worked. "I'm sure I can figure it out."

Ruby smiled. "Great. Oh and Freddie should turn up some time tonight. She normally stays with me, but she's spelled to be able to walk through walls so she might turn up. If this is a problem, I can do something so she can't go into your room-"

"No no, that's fine," Selwyn said. "I love cats."

"Good," Ruby said. "Well, I'll see you in the morning then."

...

Selwyn woke up around 9:30 the next morning and wondered if she should go ahead and get out of bed. Ruby had been very insistent that she should make herself at home, but Selwyn still hesitated to make her presence felt. She finally pulled her fuzzy white robe and left the room.

All was quiet, but she thought she saw movement in the kitchen. She was about to hurry back to her room to avoid being spotted when she was spotted instead.

"Selwyn," Aziraphale said softly. "Would you like to join me?"

It wasn't that Selwyn didn't want to, it was mainly that she still felt so awkward and out of place. But she also didn't see a way out of it without being rude so she nodded and came into the kitchen.

"I trust you had a good night's sleep?" he asked.

"I did," she said. "Thank you."

"Are you feeling like anything particular for breakfast?" Aziraphale asked. "You're up first, so you get to choose."

"I couldn't-"

"It's the rule of the house," Aziraphale insisted. "Please?"

She thought about it. "Pancakes?"

He smiled. "Sounds lovely." He opened the refrigerator to begin assembling ingredients. "I must say, you do appear well-rested. Much better than Ruby looked after her first night here, though I shouldn't say that..."

Selwyn found this interesting. "How _did_ Ruby look after her first night here?"

"Ah, well," Aziraphale said awkwardly. "It's more her story to tell, so I won't get into it. But she didn't trust us then. Locked herself in that little bedroom - which was impressive because we didn't give it locks - and sat on the bed fully clothed and ready to run for the whole duration of the night."

Selwyn remembered Ruby saying she hadn't always trusted them, but was finding this harder and harder to believe. "She didn't."

He nodded sadly. "I'm afraid she did."

"Wait, what do you mean you didn't give it locks? How could she lock it without locks?"

Aziraphale smiled fondly. "She's always been special. Strong-willed, I should say. That room was brand new - created almost the very instant we got home that night. Crowley had thought to outfit it with a little bathroom - teenage girls should have their own bathroom, after all. But he hadn't thought to give it locks. Ruby didn't have any magic in those days, but there's plenty of angelic and demonic energy floating freely in the air out here. If a person has strong enough belief and force of will, they can accidentally manipulate that. It's never a thing that can be done consciously or deliberately by a human, but sometimes they fall into it. She needed locks in order to feel safe, so locks appeared for her. It's as simple as that."

Selwyn thought she'd never heard anything less simple in her life. "And did Ruby run away that night?"

"She started to," Aziraphale said. "Crowley knew she'd try to steal from us and leave after we went to bed-"

"She wouldn't!"

"She tried," Aziraphale said. "But Crowley found her and got through to her somehow. So she stayed. Waited all night. Came into this kitchen looking like a wild thing in desperate need of a shower and tried to leave before breakfast. It seems like a million years ago."

"It doesn't sound much like Ruby."

"People are so very complicated. The version of us that one person knows may completely contradict the version that lives within someone else's mind."

"That's true."

Aziraphale realized that she was still standing. "Would you like to take a seat, Selwyn?"

"Yes, thanks," she said as she sank into a kitchen chair.

Aziraphale hesitated for a moment before coming to sit next to her. "Selwyn," he said slowly. "Would you mind terribly if I asked you a question?"

_What is it with these Fells and starting a sentence in the most terrifying way possible?_

"Um...sure."

"When did you first know you were autistic?"

She hadn't expected this. Certainly not first thing in the morning. "Er, well I always knew there was something different with me. I never related as easy to other people. Didn't care to. I liked cats better. And books." She took a breath. "My parents started taking me to doctors when I was 9. First one told me I had ADHD. I looked up the symptoms on the internet then told my parents they didn't match. So they started evaluating me for autism instead. Problem is that I'm a girl."

"Why would that be a problem?"

"Because we present differently. It's the socialization. People don't look for autistic traits in girls because they think we don't have any. By that age I was almost passing for NT-"

"NT?"

"Neurotypical. If I concentrated and didn't speak, people normally wouldn't notice I was different. But I still fidgeted a bunch. Had stims. Couldn't sit still..."

"Did it make it easier for you? Having a diagnosis?"

"In a way, I guess. I dunno. It gave me a name for it. A way to understand it and know it wasn't just me. But for my parents, it was like..."

Aziraphale could see that she was uncomfortable talking about this. "It's alright. We don't need to talk about this. And I suppose I understand what you mean. There's that isolation from knowing that you're different from everybody else, but then it's sort of amazing knowing that there _are_ people like us..."

Selwyn squinted at him. "Us?"

He realized he'd slipped. "Ah. Sorry."

"Mr. Fell?"

"I suppose I found out about a month ago that I'm, well, also autistic," he admitted. "I haven't exactly told anyone yet."

"Not Ruby?" Selwyn asked. "Not even your husband?"

"I couldn't think how. I wanted to be certain that I understood myself before I attempted to explain it to anyone else, if that makes sense."

She nodded. "It does."

"It's funny, really. 6000 years and I'm just now getting to know myself...But I do understand what you mean. Perhaps I didn't know I was autistic until now because it presents differently in angels or at least people think angels can't be autistic. I've certainly never met an autistic angel. But never mind that. It's very important to me that you know that you're welcome here, Selwyn. This is a judgement free zone. You have my word on that."

"Thank you, Mr. Fell."

...

"How did that make you feel?" Maggie asked.

"Better," Selwyn admitted. "I mean it makes sense."

"How so?"

"Mr. Fell is so kind to me, but not out of pity. He understands me. I've never been around an autistic grownup before. Kind of gives me hope."

"Hope for what?"

"I dunno. Life. Success. Love."

"These are things you think you can't have?"

"It always seemed sort of unlikely," she admitted.

"So how is staying with the Fells?"

"Fun. But not too much. Too much would be exhausting. There's always lots of cool down time. They don't push me to hang out, so I end up hanging out anyway. I have enough time by myself while Ruby's tending to her mushrooms. They're very cool about how quiet I am. Most people act like it's weird. And they always have food that I can eat. Katie comes over some days. She and Ruby are trying to learn how to meditate. They're not very good at it."

... 

"I don't think I could meditate," Selwyn remarked during one such occasion. "I'd crawl out of my skin."

"I rather think I would too," Aziraphale said. "It seems perfectly dreadful. I didn't ask, Selwyn. Do you have any particular requests for Hanukkah this year?"

"We really don't have to do anything," Selwyn said. "Honestly, it's not that important of a holiday. And anyway, I'm not particularly religious."

"I'd like to make you feel at home," Aziraphale said. "I'm sure we have a menorah somewhere in the basement."

"You have a basement?"

"Sometimes. Please, we'd be honored to throw you a Hanukkah celebration this year, it's the least we can do. You just have to tell me what you'd prefer to eat and how you prefer to celebrate."

"We don't do gifts in my family, we only do that on Purim. I know some people do that, but mum has always wanted to make sure we don't think it's 'Jewish Christmas.' Mostly to get back at Dad for not being Jewish, probably..."

"Your father isn't Jewish?"

"I'm only Jewish on Mum's side. But I don't know any of Dad's family, so..." 

Aziraphale could see that, once again, they were entering conversational territory that she wasn't comfortable with. "Well that's alright, then," he said. "We'll work something out."

...

"That sounds lovely," Maggie said. "How was that for you?"

"Better than I could've imagined."

...

"Are you sure we shouldn't get Hanukkah sweaters, Angel?" Crowley whispered.

"She said very definitively that this is not Jewish Christmas," Aziraphale whispered back. "I'm trying to respect that as much as possible."

"I'm confused," Ruby said. "Ever since you told me about this idea, actually. Are we Jewish? I mean, I know _I'm_ not, but if we're celebrating Hanukkah are we a Jewish family? Are you two Jewish?"

"Er that's...complicated," Crowley said.

"To have faith, one must have faith," Aziraphale said. 

"Which we can't, by definition," Crowley added.

"We can have faith in our respective sides or the will of our leaders or the goodness of the world, but functionally...We can't have faith the way humans do."

"We know too much."

"You can't have faith if you have inside knowledge. Humans made up their own rituals and ceremonies, and we find them fascinating. No one religion has ever gotten it entirely right. We know there is a God, and that God most closely aligns with the one in the Old Testament. But that doesn't make us Christian or Jewish. We are fundamentally apart from every world religion because they weren't built for us."

"But that doesn't mean we can't appreciate and respect them. Selwyn is Jewish. Maybe she isn't particularly religious, but this is part of her culture. We have to show that proper respect."

"That makes sense," Ruby said. "But who's right?"

Aziraphale smiled. "Such a human question."

"Is it?" Crowley asked. "I rather think that's just a Question generally. Maybe not the way you're thinking, but it is the essential Question for angels and demons as well."

"I suppose you're right," Aziraphale replied.

"So nobody knows?" Ruby asked.

"Perhaps asking for an answer to who's right isn't all that important," Aziraphale said. "Perhaps what's more important is getting what you can from your experiences."

"And I suppose we're about to have one?" Ruby asked.

"Any moment now," said Crowley. "We told Selwyn to be back from Katie's before sundown."

They only had to wait a moment before the kitchen door opened and Selwyn stepped inside. She typically kept her eyes down when entering rooms, so it took her a moment to realize that the Fells were waiting for her.

"Hi," she said awkwardly. "What're you..."

The first thing she noticed was that Ruby had put on a nice blue knee-length dress and a black cardigan. She noticed next that Aziraphale had covered the table in a blue table cloth, upon which sat a golden Hanukkiyah. 

"I hope it isn't too much," Aziraphale said anxiously.

"I had to convince him not to go all out and get Hanukkah streamers," Crowley said. "He wanted to do lots of decorations, but you specifically said that you didn't want to make it into Jewish Christmas. I thought we should be a bit more traditional."

"It's lovely," Selwyn said. "But you didn't have to do this."

"We wanted to," Crowley insisted. 

"It's been a long time since we've been to a Hanukkah celebration," Aziraphale said. "We'd never dream of doing it on our own - it would be rather appropriative of us - but it's important to us to respect your culture while we're here."

"I've never done Hanukkah," Ruby said. "I have no idea what to expect."

Crowley kept an eye on the window. "I think that's last light," he said. "I believe it's time to light the menorah."

"Would you like to do the honor, Selwyn?" Aziraphale asked.

"Me?" she asked. "Oh I've never been allowed to do that. Fire and everything."

"You're welcome to here," Aziraphale said. "It's only fitting."

"I would hate to burn the house down," she insisted.

"By some miracle, I doubt that will be a problem," Crowley said.

Selwyn deliberated for a moment. She'd always sort of wanted to try, but she was terrified of making a mistake. And everyone was staring at her.

"No, it's alright," she said. "One of you should do it."

Aziraphale understood her hesitation and decided not to push her. "Alright," he said. 

"We should move it near a window, shouldn't we?" Crowley asked.

Aziraphale nodded. "I suggest the window near the front door."

"Why is it near a window?" Ruby asked.

"It's a sort of public proclamation of the Hanukkah miracle," said Aziraphale. "You put it somewhere that it can be seem from outside."

"Unless doing so would be dangerous," Crowley said. "Then it's acceptable to do it privately."

Ruby nodded. She understood the great danger that Jewish people must place themselves in to practice their faith, even if it was only an academic understanding.

Aziraphale carefully picked up the Hanukkiah and moved it to the window next to the front door. The stood before it for a moment.

"Should I...?" Crowley said in a low voice.

"With your hellfire?" Aziraphale asked. "I should think not. No, I'll do it." He place two candles in the menorah, one in the center, elevated above the others, and one on the far right side. "But we're getting ahead of ourselves. Would you like to recite the blessings, Selwyn?"

She still balked a bit at the responsibility - she wasn't used to being trusted with things like this. "Don't you want to?"

"It's been rather a long time since I heard them last," he said patiently. "I'd like to make sure I remember them."

"Erm, alright," she said. "It sort of goes like: _Baruch atah, Adonai Eloheinu, Melech haolam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tsivanu l’hadlik ner shel Hanukkah. Baruch atah, Adonai Eloheinu, Melech haolam, she-asah nisim la’avoteinu bayamim hahem bazman hazeh. Baruch atah, Adonai Eloheinu, Melech haolam, she-asah nisim la’avoteinu bayamim hahem bazman hazeh._ Then there's one for the first night only, which is like: _Baruch atah adonai elohenu melech ha’olam, shehecheyanu, v’kiyimanu, v’higiyanu lazman hazeh."_

"That sounds about right," Aziraphale said reverently. He clicked his fingers and lit the middle candle, which he then used to light the lone candle to the right. The rest of the menorah was kept empty.

It was a curious moment for all of them. Nothing so much happened, but even Ruby felt as though something of considerable weight was hanging in the air.

The moment was over quickly. Aziraphale smiled. "Right. Latkes?"

Selwyn lit up. "Yes, _please._ "

They returned to the kitchen.

"Wait, that's it?" Ruby asked.

"For now," Aziraphale said. "We'll light a new candle each night."

"Why?"

"It's the commemoration of the miracle," Aziraphale said simply.

"Which one is that?"

"The story is that the Syrian Greeks had desecrated the Temple of Jerusalem," Selwyn explained. "Long story short, the Greeks defiled all the oil that could be used for the rededication of the Temple. It could only be pure olive oil. They only found one jug of oil - enough for one day. But the oil lasted for eight days, which was enough time to get more oil."

"Okay," Ruby said. "Makes sense."

Aziraphale was preparing the plates. "I only made plain latkes tonight," he explained. "I thought that would be more traditional."

"What are latkes?" Ruby asked.

"Sort of like fried potato pancakes," Selwyn says.

"I can dig that."

"I take mine with applesauce," Crowley says. "But we have sour cream as well. How do you take yours?"

"Plain," said Aziraphale and Selwyn at the same time.

Aziraphale smiled. "I've also made brisket."

"You really didn't have to go to all this trouble, Mr. Fell," Selwyn said anxiously.

"It was no trouble at all," Aziraphale replied. "I can't recall the last time I had some of these foods, so it's like a treat."

"But you really didn't have to do all this just for me-"

"I've also made rugelach."

Selwyn took a seat instantly. "Never mind, I take back my objections."

Ruby exchanged amused glances with her parents. "What's rugelach?" she asked.

"Eh, think of it as like Jewish cinnamon rolls," Crowley explained. "But don't, because it's not really."

"I've made those plain as well tonight," Aziraphale explained. "Or, rather, I should say they're cinnamon. But I'll play with them a bit during the rest of the holiday."

Everyone took their seats for the meal. 

"I did recall that Selwyn isn't fond of soup," Aziraphale continued. "So matzo ball is likely out unless I relegate it to a side dish. And I recall you saying as well that you're not fond of doughnuts, so I won't be making many sufganiyot-"

"Spoil my fun," Crowley muttered.

"He's joking, Selwyn," Aziraphale said. "He's not upset with you and he knows I'll make those for him any time he likes."

"So why is Hanukkah at a different time every year?" Ruby asked.

"It's not," said Selwyn. She correctly interpreted Ruby's expression as one of confusion. "I mean, it is. It's just always the same days on the Jewish calendar."

"There's a Jewish calendar?"

"Yours is not the only way of measuring time, Ruby," Aziraphale said fondly. He frowned and looked around. "I'm forgetting something." He put a hand to his forehead. "The Challah bread!"

...

"We played dreidel," Selwyn explained. "Ruby insisted that I teach her the blessings. She's not very good at them."

"So Ruby took an active interest?" Maggie asked. 

"I guess it shouldn't surprise me after everything," Selwyn said. "She was very interested, but not in a weird overbearing way."

...

"So you just use one of the other candles to light the menorah?" Ruby asked on the second night.

"No!" said Crowley, Aziraphale, and Selwyn in unison.

Ruby was startled. "Why not?"

"Think of them like special sacred candles," Selwyn said. "The one in the middle is a Shamash. That's the one you use to light the others. You start with the new candle farthest to the left."

Ruby nodded. "Okay."

...

"The Fells tell me that you opened up quite a lot during Hanukkah," Maggie said. "You were talking more."

"I guess so," Selwyn said. "They have this way of making me feel comfortable. Like I _can_ talk and it won't annoy them."

...

"So you know Woody, right?" asked Selwyn.

"Woody?" Ruby asked.

"From Toy Story?"

"I'm...aware of Toy Story."

"Right so just picture that raggedy little cowboy doll just in the Void."

"Objectively hilarious," Ruby grinned.

"I need you to picture that literal toy dramatic stomping up to a white-haired anime twink and saying basically 'I have no idea what in the hell you're talking about, but I don't care. Give me back Buzz and buzz off.' And then he's literally like: 'My guess is you've never been loved before. Because you clearly know nothing about hearts or love.'"

"Raw as hell," Ruby said. "Don't have to come for them like that, Woody."

"Then you just like smack a Lego spaceship a bunch of times with a squeaky hammer..." She bit her lip. "Sorry, I'm rambling. You don't even know what I'm talking about. I'm so boring."

"No no," Ruby said. "I was enjoying listening. You don't usually talk this much. So tell me more about this video game..."

...

"And that's why they got you that Hanukkah gift?" Maggie asked.

"I told them they shouldn't," Selwyn said. "We don't really do gifts. But they wanted to do something nice for me."

"Did they?"

...

"Would you like to light the candle, Selwyn?" Aziraphale asked.

Aziraphale asked her this same question every night, and every night she almost got the courage to do it.

She didn't immediately answer, so Aziraphale smiled kindly and reached for the Shamash. 

"Wait," Selwyn said. "I think I'd like to light it tonight."

This was normally the part where she'd regret speaking and feel an unnecessary amount of pressure, but tonight she felt only acceptance.

"Wonderful," Aziraphale said. He handed her a lighter.

She took a breath and tried to focus only on the candle. The moment felt like an eternity, but she finally lit it. Then she used it to light the rest of the menorah, slowly, deliberately. 

She carefully placed the candle back in the menorah and felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up and met Ruby's gaze. 

...

"It always feels like she understands," Selwyn said. "Like I know she can't, not really, but these moments that other people wouldn't think are big...It's like she knows and respects that."

...

"I know we said we wouldn't do gifts," said Aziraphale. "But we wanted you to feel at home."

"Don't even think about getting us anything," said Ruby. "We didn't spend a penny on it. Magic comes in handy sometimes."

"That's a PlayStation," Selwyn said.

"I know you missed yours," Ruby said. "So we cloned yours. All your save files and everything."

Selwyn had missed her PlayStation terribly - it was the thing she missed the most from Wales. But she hadn't expected this incredible kindness. She began to cry.

Ruby frowned. "Selwyn? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said. "Honestly, everything's perfect. Thank you so much..."

Ruby took Selwyn by the shoulders and guided her toward the sofa. "Selwyn," she said. "I know there's something else. You don't need to tell me if you don't want to, but you can. You have permission."

Selwyn wiped her eyes furiously. "Don't worry about it."

"I'm going to. That part's not up to you."

"It's my brothers."

"You have brothers?"

"I guess...brother. Only got one now."

"Tea?" Aziraphale asked. 

Ruby smiled and nodded.

Aziraphale and Crowley left the two girls alone.

"I had an older brother," Selwyn explained. "I used to stay with him a lot. He was really smart. Worked for a tech company. He was the first person who didn't treat me like something was wrong with me. When I stayed with him, he'd let me do theatre stuff in London, which is how I got into this in the first place..." She took a breath. "There was a car crash."

"I'm sorry."

"Things have always been different for me. My mum, she doesn't really get me. Can be sort of passive-aggressive sometimes, but she's harmless. She tries. But my dad..."

"Take your time."

"He mostly left me alone. He'd shout sometimes and call me names, but he mostly left me alone. I was never gonna measure up to brilliant Aeron. It's partly why I don't like Aspergers as a name - people take that all wrong. He thought I was supposed to be some genius or something, but I just...I can't do things sometimes. Normal things. But at least I wasn't like Dan."

"Dan?"

"Little brother. He's autistic too. Just turned 6. He was always more severe than I was, but he was harmless. Just such a sweet kid. He always loved Hanukkah. He liked the lights. And it was never that he was stupid. He was very bright, he just couldn't remember things. He had a harder time talking and walking and taking care of himself. But he's a kid, you know? Dad couldn't handle that. He thought there was something wrong with him, so he'd get very violent...Dad's in jail now. Bout two years ago, Dan knocked a candle off the table. It wasn't even lit, but dad just snapped. He shoved Dan down a flight of stairs. He's still alive, thank God, but he just...The brain trauma's too severe now. He doesn't talk at all anymore, just sits there in his wheelchair...Mum does her best, but it's just hard to be at home. She doesn't ever say it, but I know she needs more help at home and I just can't...I've tried getting jobs and apprenticeships and I can't handle it, it doesn't work..."

Ruby hugged her. "It's okay, it's okay. I understand."

Aziraphale returned with the tea. "You say it's brain trauma, dear?" he asked in a low voice.

Selwyn nodded. "Yeah. Most likely irreparable."

"I wouldn't say that."

Selwyn pulled away from Ruby. "What do you mean?"

"Would you object to having us visit your home tonight, Selwyn? But you have to promise you'll never tell a soul what you see here."

Selwyn nodded. "I promise."

...

The four of them teleported into Selwyn's home in Wales.

"So this is Wales?" Ruby asked. 

"This is the inside of a house," Crowley said. "Not at all representative of Wales as a whole."

They were in a child's bedroom. They became aware that there was someone in the bed.

Aziraphale smiled. "Hello. You must be Dan. Now you must never tell a soul what happens here tonight, do you understand? We're going to make you better."

Selwyn tugged at his sleeve. "What do you mean?" she demanded. "What are you going to do to him?"

"I cannot repair the thing that your father found so deplorable," Aziraphale said. "But I can return him to the state he was in before your father damaged him. Understand that we're not curing his autism, we're repairing the brain damage that was given by a bigot. I just hate that someone would do this to him..."

Crowley could see that Aziraphale was a bit upset. He put a hand on his arm. "You alright, Angel?"

He smiled gratefully. "I suppose now is as good a time as any. I've been wondering how to tell you both."

"Tell us what?"

"Maggie told me about a month ago, and I'm sorry that I told Selwyn last week before I told you. But I wanted a chance to get used to it and understand it before I said anything."

"About what?"

"I have autism. Just like Selwyn. Just like Dan."

Crowley blinked and shook his head. "But you're an angel."

"An autistic angel, apparently. I was designed this way."

"I'm glad that you told us, Dad," said Ruby. 

"It's not too shocking, is it?" he asked nervously.

"No," Crowley said. "It doesn't make you a different person. It only gives us context to understand you better."

Selwyn swallowed. "So you can do that? Heal Dan's brain trauma?"

Aziraphale smiled. "What's one more miracle?" He lay his hands on Dan's forehead. "Now you just go to sleep and dream of whatever you like best. You'll wake in the morning as if nothing happened."

When Aziraphale removed his hands, Dan was fast asleep.

"That should do the trick," Aziraphale said.

"Thank you," said Selwyn.

"Do you want to stay?" Crowley asked. "Be here in the morning when he wakes up?"

"I do," she said. "But I also sort of don't."

Ruby had a feeling that, though this may be the most pressing issue on Selwyn's mind, this wasn't the only reason she was unhappy here.

"You can do whatever you want," Ruby asked. "You're not obligated to be anywhere that makes you uncomfortable. We're more than happy to have you continue staying with us."

"I'd like that," Selwyn said. "If it's no trouble?"

"None at all," Aziraphale insisted.

"I'll call home in the morning," she said. "Check if he's alright."

...

"And was he?" Maggie asked. "Alright, I mean?"

Selwyn smiled through her tears. "Yeah. It really was like nothing had ever happened. Mum was calling it a miracle."

"And it was."

She nodded. "He's still autistic and maybe he still has trouble remembering things or socializing, but he's got a shot now. Mr. Fell gave him his life back. I couldn't be more grateful."

...

Aziraphale and Crowley shared a bottle of wine after the children had gone to bed.

"Another eventful season," Crowley said.

"You think we ought to have told them that we were there at the beginning?" Aziraphale asked.

"Nah. Takes all the mystery out of it."

"I was really rooting for them. Back during the Temple Rededication, I mean. I was terrified that their oil would run out."

"I remember. You were under orders not to interfere."

"But you know I would have. They needed hope. If the oil had burned low enough, I would've stepped in. But I prayed. Constantly."

"I did too," Crowley admitted in a low voice.

"Come again?"

"I prayed as well."

"You always told me you didn't. That you didn't care what happened."

"Well I lied, didn't I? I could've gotten myself into a lot of trouble for praying to the wrong side, but I did it anyway."

"And God, in her wisdom, saw fit to keep the oil burning."

"She did."

"You ever think about how so many Earthly events happen right in front of us while we do nothing?"

"Constantly. But when we do interfere, we do it spectacularly."

He held out his glass for his husband to toast. "Here, here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone! I did a lot of research for this chapter, but if I get anything wrong feel free to tell me! I've intended Selwyn to be Jewish from the very beginning, so it's a coincidence that this chapter came out now. I always like doing research and learning about other cultures because I firmly believe that it's important to understand everyone around me. When I decide to make a character autistic, I do it because I always feel so much better when I see autistic characters in media who are actually representative of my experiences and I think it's important for other people to see what real autistic people are like beyond the stereotypes. When I decided to do a Jewish character, it was that in the reverse - I wanted to give Jewish people a character like them, but I also wanted one that could be educational to those of us who aren't Jewish.
> 
> By the way, Selwyn's mom isn't gonna be a bad person. A lot of the characters I present here are sort of part of my whole thing about how sometimes nobody is entirely right. Maybe sometimes everyone is a little wrong and we have to work together to get better. We're gonna get to meet her and Dan later on. Selwyn's got a lot going on. It was important to me to not have a narrative that pushed that people with disabilities need a cure, which is why I'm having so many perspectives. Miss Zima is deaf, but doesn't want a cure. Selwyn and Aziraphale are autistic and don't want a cure. Well, Selwyn sometimes does, but she's learning that there's nothing wrong with her and it's our society that makes her feel like this. Which brings us to Dan, who we're making a point not to cure of who he is (the autism), but rather allowing him to be cured of what society has done to him. I know someone who's adopted two disabled kids and the daughter was abused by her biological father until she had similar brain trauma. If anything, the only thing I'd cure is trauma inflicted on us by abusive systems. Every disabled person I know is different, but I'm very firmly of the opinion that there's nothing wrong with us.
> 
> As a side note: I've never celebrated Hanukkah. And out of the many foods from other cultures that I've tried, I've never tried Jewish food. The only thing I mentioned that I've actually eaten is brisket (I am firmly pro-brisket from the few times I've had it, btw). I'm now convinced after researching this chapter that I'm missing out. I saw a picture of rugelach and was in love before I knew what was in it. I'm such a picky eater that that never happens! So now I just have to live with that!


	47. Best Safety Lies in Fear

Selwyn sat at the kitchen table with her elbow propped against it. Her arm was slowly going numb, but it was worth it to prop up her phone.

 _Really must think about getting a tripod if this keeps up,_ she thought.

Her brother Dan was Facetiming with her from Wales. He'd been particularly active that day and couldn't be persuaded to stay still for long, but he was very happy to talk to his sister.

He held up a tube-shaped piece of red play doh. "Worm," he said.

Selwyn was grinning ear to ear. She bit back her immediate response (which would've been 'oh worm?') and instead settled on: "Yes it is! Very good! Has it got a name?"

"Worm," he repeated.

Selwyn nodded. "Yes, I see. A fine name, befitting a warrior."

"Not a warrior, Selly," he insisted. "It's a...a..."

She could see the train of thought slipping from his grasp. "Can I have some guesses?" she asked. "Tell me if I'm right. Is your Worm a teacher?"

He shook his head.

"No, of course not. How about a doctor?"

He shook his head again.

"I see. How about a bus driver?"

He laughed. "No, Selly, worms can't be bus drivers."

"No you're right, that was silly of me," she grinned. "So what is it then?"

"It's that thing you are."

She tilted her head. "And what thing am I?"

"That thing with the lights and noises. That's what Worm is."

From anyone else, Selwyn might've been insulted to be compared to a worm. But she knew that snakes and worms were the only thing Dan knew how to make with play doh, and she was oddly touched that he was thinking about that.

"A theatre tech?" she offered.

"Yeah, that."

She nodded and blinked back tears. "Well thank you, Dan. Sounds like a very smart worm. How've you been getting on?"

"Better," he said. "Can stand up and walk again and everything."

"Do you remember much? From before?"

"It wasn't fun. Couldn't talk or move much. Didn't like it."

She nodded. "No, don't imagine you would."

"People always talk about me like I'm not there," he said in an offhand sort of way. "Always have. But it was worse in the chair. They didn't even hush their voices anymore. Just talked about me in front of me."

"I know a little bit what that's like."

"But it's better now. Got games and toys now. Mum says I can start school soon. Maybe next school year."

"That's amazing! I'm so happy for you."

"Happy for you, Selly."

"Me? What've I done."

"Got into the big school in England like you wanted. Doing cool things. I wanna do cool things now that I'm out of the chair."

"People can do cool things in chairs, you know," she said. "Lots of people did lots of cool things from wheelchairs. But point taken."

"Miss you, Selly."

She felt a sharp pang in her heart. "I'll try to come home for Passover, yeah? We can see each other then."

"Don't wanna make Selly sad."

"You don't make Selly sad. Selly's happy now. Promise."

Selwyn's mother came into view at the moment. "Sorry to cut this short, luv, but we've got to go. Running out of data."

"'Course," Selwyn said.

"Say bye to Selwyn," her mother demanded.

Dan waved at the screen. "Bye, Selly!"

She waved back. "Bye, Dan!"

Selwyn's mother took the phone back to the kitchen so they could have a moment to chat. 

"It's a miracle," she said. "An honest miracle. Doctors can't explain it."

"You took him for tests?" Selwyn asked.

"'Course I did. Think my child gets up and starts walking and talking like nothing happened and I'm just gonna accept that at face value? No, we got it looked at this morning. Brain scans can't find any trace of the damage. It's like we walked the clock back two years. It's a bloody miracle."

"Yeah," Selwyn said. "A miracle."

"Did I hear you say you're coming back for Passover?"

"I'll do my best."

"How has it been up there?"

"In England? Great. We've just been putting away the Hanukkah stuff today. Got lots of food leftovers."

"The family you're with are Jewish then?"

"Not, eh, strictly speaking. But they knew I was so they insisted on doing Hanukkah for me. It was nice. Lots of fun."

"And you're being polite? I do hope you're not being too much trouble for this family."

"I'm staying out of the way as much as I can."

Aziraphale entered the room at that moment. "Ah, Selwyn, didn't realize you were in here," he said. "I was about to start lunch. You can stay if you like, you're not in the way..." He noticed the phone. "Ah. But am I intruding?"

"No, no," Selwyn said. "My fault for being in a common area. Mr. Fell, this is my mother Esther."

Aziraphale brightened at once. "So nice to meet you, Mrs. Rose."

"Pleased to meet you as well," Esther said. "I trust my daughter hasn't been too much trouble?"

"None at all," he said. "Really she's very quiet and is a wonderful addition to our household."

"I do hope you haven't had to take too much trouble adjusting to her dietary requirements. We're working to get her used to a more diverse diet."

Aziraphale blinked. "It's been no trouble at all. Really, I've enjoyed learning a few new dishes. Honestly it's been quite nice to have someone else with autism around the house."

"Someone else? Is your child also on the spectrum?"

"No, no, it's actually me," he said. "Diagnosed recently, in fact. But it makes quite a lot of sense. And in a way, that's made it very little trouble to adjust to Selwyn being around, as we already knew just what exactly needed doing."

"I see," Esther said. "Well I'm happy to hear that she's getting on well. I do worry about her out on her own in England. Glad she's making friends."

"Perhaps we should come visit sometime?" Aziraphale offered. "As a family, I mean. Selwyn's just been telling us about your son. How is he doing?"

Esther smiled. "Well, honestly, he's doing so much better. We thought he'd never speak or walk again, and here he is today just so active and happy...It's a miracle."

"Yes, it is that."

"I should go make lunch," Esther said. "It was very nice speaking with you, Mr. Fell."

"And you."

"Bye, Mum," Selwyn said.

Esther nodded her goodbye and ended the call.

Selwyn put her phone down on the table.

"Seems like a lovely woman," Aziraphale said. "Bit overly anxious, but I think that may just be a biproduct of parenting."

"People just sort of talk about me like I'm not here," Selwyn muttered.

"Sorry, what was that?" Aziraphale asked.

"Nothing," she said. "Thanks for stepping in. Means a lot to me to have someone else like me around too."

He took a seat across from her. "Is there something you need to get off your chest, Selwyn?"

She shrugged. "It's just something I've been thinking about a lot lately. You know I came out to Mum almost a year ago?"

"I didn't."

She nodded. "She said I was too young to think of such things. Wanted to know if people were trying to pressure me. Because I'm autistic, you know. Can't possibly know if I'm gay. Probably can't even be straight either because people think it's basically pedophilia to be in a relationship to one of us. They think we're all just like literal children who can't know who we are and what we want. Mum won't listen to a word I say about it. Just says we'll talk about it when I'm older. But then I look at you and Crowley...I mean he loves you for who you are, stims and all. I want that. You two make me think it's possible that I could have that."

"Of course you can, Selwyn," he said. "You just need to find the right sort of people. They're out there, if you know where to look."

Ruby entered the room at the moment. "Oh there you are," she said. "I was just gonna ask if we were gonna start lunch soon or if I need to grab a snack?"

Aziraphale smiled and got to his feet. "I'll get right on that."

"Lethe's supposed to show up some time after lunch," Ruby said. 

"You and Lethe have been hanging out a lot lately," Selwyn said. "Up in your tower..."

"Yeah, guess so," said Ruby.

Rather than asking what she really wanted to ask, she decided to take a different approach. "Can I hang out with you two next time? I mean, I know I shouldn't invite myself, but..."

Ruby looked at her properly. "You _want_ to hang out with us?"

"I guess? Unless you don't want me to?"

"No, I do," Ruby said. "Lethe asks about you. And I guess we could get around it the way we did before, using phones to carry the signal...I just figured you wouldn't want to. I didn't want to leave you out of half the conversation."

"That just ends up leaving me out of the _whole_ conversation," Selwyn pointed out.

Ruby thought about this. "Point taken."

...

Ruby was pleased with how well Selwyn and Lethe seemed to get on. Selwyn couldn't see the ghost, but using the connection between their two phones they were able to have a conversation.

"I've gotta go," Ruby said. "You two can keep hanging out if you want."

"Where are you heading?" Lethe asked.

"She's got a coven meeting," Selwyn explained. 

"We've been mostly meeting at everyone else's houses," Ruby explained. "I took time off out of respect for Hanukkah-"

"Which you didn't have to do-"

"I wanted to be here for you," she said firmly. "That's equally as important as this magic stuff."

"How's your magic coming along?" Lethe asked.

Ruby shrugged. "I'm getting better in some ways, but I'm still not _good._ Sort of just like...average. But anyway, coven's coming over here tonight. We're gonna use the tower."

...

"You've just got a human staying with you?" Amara asked.

"Yeah," Ruby said.

"Why?"

"She needed somewhere to go."

"Yeah, but she should be with her own kind, shouldn't she?"

Ruby had noticed how close Aziraphale and Selwyn had been getting. "She is."

"Kind of weird having a human around," Amira insisted. "Does she know what you are?"

 _More than you do,_ Ruby thought.

"She does," Ruby replied.

"Still," Amira said. "Humans. I'm surprised you tolerate them."

"They have their uses."

"Perhaps."

"Are we gonna start?" asked Sanna.

"Yeah," Sanna said. "I was actually just thinking...Ruby, have you ever done Light As A Feather, Stiff As A Board?"

"Anathema was telling me about that," she said. "It's like a slumber party thing the normals do, right? But it actually works with witches, so it's like a coven teambuilding exercise? Like a trust fall?"

"Pretty much," Amira agreed. "We've all done it before. It's your turn." She smiled. "Don't worry, we won't let you fall."

"Okay so what do I do?"

...

The only illumination in Ruby's tower came from the moon and the candles that had been strategically placed around them in a circle. Ruby lay in the center with her eyes closed and her arms crossed over her chest. Amira, Sanna, and Elodie knelt around her.

"Have you ever died, Ruby?" Sanna asked in a low voice.

Ruby frowned and tried to suppress the wave of cold that flowed over her. "What?"

"It's part of the ritual," Amira said. "Have you ever died?"

She hesitated. "Once," she admitted.

"Picture that, then," Sanna said. "Your soul floating away, your limbs stiffening..."

"I don't like this game, guys."

"Shhhh, shhh," Sanna said. "We're only just getting started."

The girls each placed two fingers underneath Ruby.

"The normals have sort of stolen our ritual," Sanna said. "Some of the words, anyway. They didn't take the Latin."

"That's why theirs will only ever be a trick," said Amira. "With me now, sisters."

Amira, Sanna, and Elodie began chanting in unison.

_"Voici un corps mort_   
_Raide comme un bâton,_   
_Froid comme le marbre_   
_Léger comme un esprit,_   
_Lève-toi! Lève-toi! Lève-toi!"_

"Light as a feather," Amira whispered. "Stiff as a board."

Sanna repeated, slightly louder. "Light as a feather, stiff as a board."

Elodie said it more emphatically. "Light as a feather, stiff as a board."

They chanted together. "Light as a feather, stiff as a board!"

Ruby felt it working. Her bones were beginning to feel lighter.

_"Voici un corps mort!_   
_Light as a feather!_   
_Raide comme un bâton!_   
_Stiff as a board!_   
_Froid comme le marbre!_   
_Light as a feather!_   
_Léger comme un esprit!_   
_Stiff as a board!_   
_Lève-toi! Lève-toi! Lève-toi!"_

Ruby opened her eyes and could see that she was floating several feet off the ground. 

_Woah, freaky,_ she thought.

It was exciting and cool, but also kind of nerve-wracking. She blinked away unbidden flashes of memory as she tried not to picture herself falling.

She closed her eyes. "Cool," she said. "I'd like to come down now." But the girls kept chanting. "Guys? Seriously? Do the counter spell and bring me down." She swallowed hard. "Slowly, please?"

She felt strong arms wrap around her, which broke the circle allowing her to sink into them. The girls scrambled backwards quickly.

Ruby opened her eyes and smiled with relief. "Crowley."

He looked at her with his usual understanding. "Aziraphale asked me to check if you needed anything. Cup of tea? Eye of newt? Anything?"

Ruby smiled because she knew that if Aziraphale had sent him up, it was because they could both feel how nervous she'd been. "No we're good," she said. "You can put me down now."

"Right," he said. He slowly tilted her into an upright position. "You girls having fun? Staying in trouble?"

"You know it, Mr. Crowley," said Amira.

"Good," he said. He looked meaningfully at Ruby. "I'm downstairs if you need me."

"I know," she said gratefully.

...

Crowley returned downstairs and nodded at Aziraphale, who already knew based on the way Ruby's emotions had settled that things were back to normal but was relieved to get Crowley's confirmation anyway.

Aziraphale decided to check on Selwyn instead. She'd caught a glimpse of the other witches upon their arrival and had chosen to isolate herself in the living room. Aziraphale wanted to be sure that she wasn't feeling left out.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

Selwyn jumped. "Sorry!" she said. "Do you need the telly? I can clear out-"

"No no," Aziraphale said patiently. "I was simply asking what you're up to. I'm interested."

She looked at him blankly. "You're...interested?"

"Yes," he said brightly. "Should I not be?"

"Most people aren't."

"Well I'm not most people." He took a seat in an armchair. "So. What are we up to?"

"Er..." She paused the game then took one hand off of her controller and gestured at the screen while keeping her eyes on Aziraphale. "...Sonic the Hedgehog?"

"What is that?"

"A game?"

"I see. What is your objective?"

"You just sorta make your way to the other end of the level."

"How?"

"Okay so," she gestured again. "There's a timer so you can try to do it fast which is the whole deal. But it's not a requirement. You go through and all the enemies are robots that Buttnik-"

" _Butt_ nik?"

"I mean Mr. Robotnik has made. And the robots and machines at the end of the levels and boss fights tend to be full of trapped little forest animals that he was like replacing with bots, I guess? Not entirely sure what his motives are. Are animals annoying? Does he just like robots? But anyway he's kind of a jerk so Sonic irritates him and acts like a hero. Runs circles around him, literally. And then in the second one there's Tails so you can co-op, but generally Tails doesn't get to do much because Sonic will run fast so Tails isn't on screen anymore. But he can fly with his two tails and pick Sonic up to go higher. And not so much in the original games, but in the shows and later games he's the Tech Guy. He's smarter than Eggman probably and he's only like 8-"

"Eggman?"

"Another name for Mr. Robotnik."

"I see."

"And then there's Knuckles, and Shadow, and Rouge, and Amy, and Cream, and Big, and all these characters. But uh yeah you kinda just...run to the right and jump."

"And what's the objective? Simply to beat this Egg Man?"

"Usually, yeah. In this one, yeah, that's basically it. Sometimes there's other villains later and Eggman's just kind of a nuisance. But he does legit evil stuff sometimes because I guess he's just bored. So we're kind of just saving the animals."

"What are you saving now?"

"Still just in the Green Hill Zone, so a bunch of squirrels, and rabbits, and some birds, mostly."

"And you save them by...running very fast?"

"And jumping at them or on them, yeah. He's a Hedgehog, he rolls up and is spiny."

"Can you show me?"

"Um, yeah."

She resumed play and began walking him through it. The little cartoon animal on the screen ran over a bridge while red metal fish kept jumping up trying to bite it. She directed the character to jump at the fish which made him spin. This broke the fish. There were a couple of robot monkeys in trees throwing things.

"You can just run past it all," she explained. "But sometimes when you break you can just quickly see a small animal falling out and running off, see?"

"I do."

"Only for like a second. There's lots of colors so it's sometimes hard to see."

She stopped the creature in place and made him duck and curl up and begin spinning.

"What's he doing?" Aziraphale asked.

"Charging up."

The character zoomed forward suddenly and did a loop de loop. He kept going until he was in a cave and ran right into the spikes. Many golden rings came flying out.

"See the thing about doing it fast is you can't really do that," she explained. "You've memorized the entire level and picked exactly when to jump and duck and whatever else. You really can't just hold right and hope, because there'll be traps like those spikes or, like, later on there's lifts and water sections to get through. Playing Sonic the way you're supposed to is really really hard. You look up an actual Sonic speed run and you'll be like wait what just happened, I barely even saw anything. Stylish, but less interesting. For me personally, anyway. Speedrunning is a whole other deal though, that's legit cool as hell." Her face fell suddenly and she bit her lip. "Sorry."

He was bewildered. "About what?"

"Boring probably. Didn't mean to go off on a tangent."

"I wasn't bored, I was listening. Can you show me some more?"

She smiled slowly. "Um, sure. Yeah, I can do that."

He gestured to the empty spot next to her. "May I sit here so I can see the buttons more clearly?"

She nodded and he came around to sit next to her. "So tell me more about these speedruns?"

...

The coven didn't end up doing much more complicated magic on that particular evening. They mostly stuck to calming rituals and divining spells. After the girls left, Ruby retired to the kitchen for a midnight snack.

"So," Aziraphale said. "How was it?"

"Fine," Ruby said. "We didn't do anything particularly complicated."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I was there, wasn't I?"

"Ruby, we felt it," Aziraphale said. "Something was triggering you tonight."

"We want to be sure that you're being safe and comfortable," Crowley said. "You're not letting those girls push you too fast, are you?"

"You know I don't cave to peer pressure, guys," Ruby said. 

"But you'll tell us," Aziraphale said. "If it ever becomes too much, I mean?"

"Yeah. 'Course I will."

"So do you want to tell us what that was about?" Crowley asked. "It looked like standard a standard levitation, but just to be sure."

"It was that thing from the movies," Ruby said. "That Light As A Feather-"

"Stiff As A Board?" Aziraphale interjected excitably. "Oh that's just a bit of fun. Even humans have their own version. Of course their version isn't real levitation, it's an illusion."

"So what was the problem?" Crowley asked.

"I don't know," Ruby said. "I was fine til they started talking about death and falling..."

"Ah," Aziraphale said. "Well that would be the trouble."

"It's irrational, though," she insisted.

"But understandable. You must remember not to push yourself too hard."

"If you're ever uncomfortable for any reason, it's okay to walk away," Crowley said. "It's usually better if you do it before you start the spell, but if it comes to it, just make sure you don't just break the circle. It was alright for me to do tonight because this was simple levitation, but breaking a more complex spell halfway through the incantation can have consequences."

...

Ruby pulled on her black winter coat and slung her bag over her shoulder.

"Going foraging!" she shouted.

"Have fun," Crowley said. "I'd come, but I'm actually heading to the greenhouse."

"I'm really engaged in this book at the moment," Aziraphale said. "Try to be home before dinner?"

"I'll be back before dark," she promised.

"Can I come?"

Ruby stopped with her hand on the kitchen door. "You want to come, Selwyn? Didn't think mushrooms were really your thing."

"They're not, really," Selwyn said. 

_But you are, so I guess they are by default._

"But it could be fun," she said instead. "Getting out of the house. Learning things."

"Alright," Ruby said. 

"I won't get in the way, I swear," she said anxiously.

"Oh but I want you to," Ruby inisted. "I'm a little more hands on."

_God, I hope so._

"Lucky for you," Ruby continued obliviously. "Most mushrooms will be frozen out by this time of year. So there's not much chance of coming across anything toxic. It'll be an easy run."

"Sounds good."

...

They found a patch of something that Ruby had named in the Latin, but which Selwyn would come to know as Velvet Shank. Ruby showed Selwyn how to properly harvest it.

"I think there are more on this log over here," Selwyn said. 

Ruby came to her side and inspected them. "You're right. I'm still working over here, so why don't you harvest these?"

Ruby handed Selwyn her extra pocket knife.

"Me?" Selwyn said. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Ruby said. "Just do exactly what I showed you. There's basically no chance of messing it up. Just go slow and try not to nick your hand."

Ruby returned to her spot and Selwyn reluctantly went to hers, which was at the bottom of a small incline in the forest floor. She knelt next to the log and tried to quiet her nerves. 

"Out here all alone?" said a voice.

Ruby sprang to her feet at once as a wind began whipping through the trees.

"Gabriel," she said in a low voice. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Hell," Gabriel repeated. "That's exactly the thing to pay, isn't it, Ruby?"

Ruby's hand tightened on her knife. "What are you talking about?"

"You'll know soon enough if you keep on this path," he warned. "Which you will. Because it's in your nature."

"I'm warning you," she said. "I'm not here alone."

"Might as well be," he said. "What's a little human going to do to protect you?"

"Nobody needs to protect me," she said. "Not anymore. But my dads aren't gonna be happy that you're here."

"Dads," he repeated. "What a joke. And interesting how you say you don't need protecting but you immediately try to run back and tattle to daddy."

Ruby noticed that there was something different about the angel. He was paler and had dark shadows around his eyes. "You feeling alright, Gabriel?"

"You should be asking yourself that, but-"

"Is this the part where you tell me to 'be not afraid'?"

"No," he said. "You should be afraid. You, Ruby Fell, should be very afraid. As we all should be."

"Of what?" 

"Of you. Nobody knows quite what you are. You're something completely new. You make the Antichrist look like a nobody. You have this raw power that has never been seen before. The question is: How will you use it? And will you be able to control it at all?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"You do. You feel it in that icy pit in your stomach. You let something loose, Ruby. Something that won't want to go back."

This alarmed her more than anything. "Wait what? No I didn't! What are you talking about?"

He smiled ominously. "Keep a clear mind and choose your friends wisely. Because a new day's coming, Ruby Fell. A lot of people are looking for new leadership. It could be you."

"I'm a 16 year old girl," she said. "Nobody's looking at me."

"Everyone's looking at you. You may have made a truce with the big man upstairs to have privacy, but the rest of us haven't been so naive. You bested God in a battle of wits. Nobody's ever done that before. Brings up a lot of interesting questions."

Selwyn could sense that something was happening and made her way back to Ruby. "Ruby?"

Ruby turned quickly. "Selwyn, keep back-"

"Keep back from what?" Selwyn asked.

Ruby turned again and saw that Gabriel had disappeared. 

"Selwyn we need to go home," she said. "Right now."

...

"How dare Gabriel show his face around here?" Aziraphale fumed. "He has the audacity to come around here after what he did? I have a mind to discorporate him now!"

"Zira-" Crowley said gently.

"No you're right, this calls for a smiting," Aziraphale snapped.

"That's not what I was saying-"

"I'm confused," Selwyn said. "Who's Gabriel?"

"He's an archangel," Ruby said.

"He tried to kill our daughter," Aziraphale said.

"I don't think he was here to hurt me," Ruby said. "Not this time."

"Tell us everything that happened," Crowley said.

"It was weird," Ruby admitted. "I think there's something wrong with him."

"I've always thought so," Crowley grumbled.

"No, but I'm serious. It was like the archangel Gabriel was finally going through an emo phase. I swear it almost looked like he was wearing guyliner."

"What?" Crowley said. "Now he's trying to steal my look! I invented that!"

"He said..."

They could feel her anxiety about saying this in front of Selwyn. Luckily, Selwyn picked up on it too.

"Maybe I should..." She gestured to the door. 

"It's nothing you have to worry about," Ruby said. "Honestly, if it was something you needed to know, I'd tell you."

"It's fine," Selwyn said. "I understand."

They waited until she was in her room before Ruby carried on in a low voice.

"Gabriel said I make the Antichrist look like a nobody. He said something about how I have all this power and I might not be able to control it. He said...He said I let something loose."

"Like what?" Crowley asked.

"He didn't say. But he said it didn't want to go back. But there was something else too. He said a new day's coming and people are looking for a new leader."

This inspired in Aziraphale a feeling of mingled bewilderment and fear. "What the heavens does that mean?" 

"I don't know," Ruby said. "Whatever it means, I don't like the sound of it. He said they're looking at me. Because I bested God in a battle of wits or something."

Aziraphale instantly rose to anger. "Nobody's looking at my daughter for anything. We had an agreement that they wouldn't interfere with you."

"That's just it. God is apparently sticking to that, but Gabriel said not everyone is. That means God's not in control of them anymore? Have you heard from any of your contacts there recently?"

"No," Aziraphale said. "I've been trying to get through to speak on Katie's behalf, but nobody replies. I get a busy message. Whicg, in itself, isn't worrying. Most everyone gets a busy message from Heaven when trying to make Heavenly contact. But given what we've just heard...I'll look into it. See if there's anything to Gabriel's claims."

"I'm not gonna be anyone's leader," Ruby said. "I already turned that down once."

"Of course you're not," Crowley said. "You're 16. Let us worry about this. We'll focus on your training in the meantime."


	48. Little Bird

Aziraphale absently reshelved a few books. "We'll let dear Newton close up here," he said. "We've still got to run errands on the way home."

"What errands?" Crowley asked.

"Nothing too fancy. Just need a few things from the shops. Milk, eggs, that sort of thing."

"I can grab them," Ruby said. "There's a shop at the end of the street, yeah? You lot close up here and by the time I've picked everything up, you should be ready to swing by and pick me up. Just text me a list."

"Alright," Aziraphale agreed. "But for heaven's sake, put a coat on. It's getting cold out there."

She rolled her eyes. "You know I run hotter than other people," she said. "It's the demon blood."

"Still," Aziraphale replied. "I won't have you catching cold."

She pulled on her coat and left the shop. Aziraphale and Crowley stared after her.

"Are you sure it's wise to let her out on her own?" Crowley asked.

"No, I'm not," Aziraphale fretted. "But I also don't want to scare her."

"It wasn't a threat, after all," Crowley rationalized.

"But it soon could be. If she's upsetting the cosmic order, the powers that be won't like that."

"Have Newt close up," Crowley said. "I'll grab the car. You teleport to the store to keep an eye on things, but don't let her see you."

...

Aziraphale was right, it was rather cold outside. Ruby's breath came in great clouds. When she was younger, she used to pretend it was a dragon. It was a way of willing herself to be warmer in the cold. She'd hold the image of a flame in her mind's eye and pretend to feel it deep within her belly.

She exhaled and a few sparks came with it. She closed her mouth quickly and glanced around. Nobody had seemed to notice. She reminded herself to be more careful. She needed to remember how easily pretending turned into willing things into existence these days.

She looked at the sky and wondered if it was going to snow. The forecast had predicted it, but she hadn't seen a single flake.

She entered the corner shop and made a beeline for the milk. She stubbornly refused to acknowledge any signs of the impending holiday. She willed herself to keep her eyes forward. She needed to focus. Nothing else mattered except getting the things on the list.

She had her hand on the cooler door when the song playing on the shop's radio changed. 

_"I'll have a blue Christmas without you..."_

Ruby inhaled sharply as a chill that had nothing to do with the weather descended upon her. Though the shop was warm and the cooler door was still closed, her breath began coming in shaky white puffs again. Her grip tightened on the handle until it broke off in her hand.

But then...something happened.

...

_"Ruby...Ruby?"_

She heard the voices as if from a distance.

_"Ruby, my sweet girl, my beautiful daughter...Please, do try to focus."_

Aziraphale had stopped time when he'd realized that Ruby had dissociated, but didn't want to risk startling her by moving her. "You're safe, you're loved, you're protected. I'm here, Ruby. It's me, Aziraphale. It's your dad. I'm here. You can feel safe enough to come back to me. I promise the pain is far behind you." He reached out tentatively. "Would it be alright if I held your hand? I don't want to startle you." She didn't really respond so he nodded and took her hand. "I'm here, kitten. Just listen to my voice. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to leave you, do you understand?"

She startled back into her body and gripped his hand tightly. "Dad?" she asked in a whisper.

He nodded and clasped her hand with both of hers. "That's right. I'm here, kitten. You just had a dissociative episode. I have them myself. Why don't we get you home and we can talk about it over tea? Just breathe, alright. Try not to panic. You're safe."

She nodded and started to let him lead her away. "Wait, what about the groceries?"

"What's important is getting you home safe," he said. "Anything else can wait." He noticed that she was still holding the broken off handle of the cooler door. "But let me have that first."

She hadn't realized she was still holding it, so slowly handed it over. He placed it back against the door and waved his free hand to reattach it. "There we go," he smiled. "Good as new. No harm done." He put an arm around her. "Now let's get you home."

He couldn't help but notice that, even with the extra heat afforded to her by her demon blood, she was shivering.

...

They returned to the house to find that Selwyn was still over at Katie's cottage, so they had a little time to themselves. Aziraphale fixed them a nice soothing cup of tea, but none of them really knew how to approach the topic.

"I don't know," Ruby said softly as she cradled her steaming mug. "Honest."

"Has anything like this happened before?" Aziraphale asked.

"Like this?" Ruby asked. "No...I dunno. Maybe. But not like...this."

"How do you mean?"

She didn't immediately answer, but when she did it was only to shrug.

So they called in a specialist.

...

"It's not uncommon for things like this to happen," Maggie said. "You know Aziraphale also suffers from dissociation."

"I just want to know why this is happening to me," Ruby said.

"I expect you encountered some sort of trigger in the shop," Maggie said. "It caused you to experience a subconscious fight or flight response. It reminded you of something you were trying to forget. Would you be able to walk me through it?"

"I dunno," Ruby said. "I was just in the shop...then I...wasn't."

Maggie nodded. "It's not uncommon to not be able to recognize your specific trigger. Usually with my patients, I'd take more time. Do more talk therapy. Try to have a breakthrough. But I think given your recent progress and our magical abilities, I may be able to create a magical solution to help us identify your trigger a bit more quickly."

"Okay," Ruby said.

"The problem is that it'll most likely retrigger you in the process since we haven't worked on it yet," Maggie said. "So it's not without risks. But then again, nothing in therapy is."

"I just don't want it to keep happening to me," Ruby said. "I'll do anything."

Maggie just looked at her for a moment before nodding. "We'll need your parents permission first."

...

"I don't know if I like this plan," Crowley said.

"It sounds like it might be the only way, Crowley," Aziraphale said.

"Ruby," Crowley said. "Do you want to do this?"

"No," she admitted. "But I need to. I need to find what's wrong with me."

He softened. "Nothing's _wrong_ with you-"

"Crowley," she said wearily. "Don't. Just for once, okay? This isn't me being self-deprecating. Something was done to me and I just...I don't want to feel this way anymore. If risking short-term pain helps me in the long-run, I'll do it. I'd just...I'd like you to stay with me. Both of you." She glanced at Maggie. "If that's alright."

"Of course," Maggie said. "It'll help to keep you grounded during the process."

For a moment, nobody spoke.

"What do we need to do?" Crowley asked.

...

They gathered in Ruby's tower, where Crowley immediately waved a hand to tint the windows black. Ruby lay on her bed while they lit calming candles around her. Aziraphale and Crowley stood on each side of her bed, holding her hands. Maggie knelt at the foot of her bed.

"Now try to relax," she said. "The spell will send you into your consciousness, into the memory just before the trigger occurred. When you've encountered the trigger, you'll wake up."

"We'll be with you the whole time," Crowley said. "We won't leave your side."

She smiled and squeezed their hands.

"Everyone ready?" Maggie asked.

"No," Ruby said. "But do it anyway."

Ruby closed her eyes and tried to regulate her breathing. Maggie chanted a spell over them that was becoming fainter and fainter.

...

Aziraphale and Crowley were standing in the shop with Ruby between them, holding tightly to their hands.

"Woah," Ruby breathed.

She watched herself slowly approach the cooler door. 

"Do I always look that awkward all the time?" Ruby asked. 

"How do you mean?" Aziraphale asked.

"I'm all tense," Ruby said. "And my shoulders are way up. My face is looking straight ahead, but my eyes are darting everywhere."

"That's just your face, dear," Aziraphale said.

"I'll have to work on that," she breathed.

The song on the store radio, which Ruby hadn't noticed at all before, changed.

_"I'll have a blue Christmas without you..."_

The lights went out and they found themselves suddenly staring at a roaring fire.

...

Ruby bolted upright in bed, breaking the three of them out of the trance-like state.

Aziraphale immediately put his arm around her. "It's alright," he said gently. "It wasn't real, you're safe..."

"What happened?" Maggie asked.

"It happened after that song started playing," Crowley explained. "She just flashed..."

Maggie nodded. "Sounds, like smells, can be powerful emotional triggers. Can you remember what song it was?"

"That Elvis one," Crowley said. "That Blue Christmas."

"What special significance does that have?" Maggie asked. Ruby didn't answer. "Ruby?"

Ruby was staring blankly into space, the same way she had in the shop.

"We seem to have triggered her again," Aziraphale said. "This is just exactly the way I found her before..."

Maggie frowned. "Ruby?" She waved a hand in front of Ruby's face, but got no response. "Ruby, can you hear me?" She closed her eyes and placed her hands at either side of Ruby's face without touching her. Then Maggie's eyes snapped open. "Oh this is bad. It's much much worse than we thought."

"How do you mean?" Aziraphale asked. 

"I thought this was just a standard dissociative state, but it's not," Maggie said. "She hasn't simply let her mind wander metaphorically, she's let it wander physically. Ruby hasn't only entered a dissociative state. She's astral projected."

"No," Aziraphale said. "But she can't have. She hasn't been able to do that yet."

"That's what's happened. She entered fight or flight and she chose flight. It's a magical maladaptive coping mechanism. She's likely not even fully aware of it."

"How do we get her back in her body?"

"I'd say we need to coax her back normally, but that may take too long. You know the risks."

"So what do we do?"

"Ehhh..." Maggie looked around desperately. "Aziraphale! You knit, don't you?"

"I do," he said. "But why-"

"Hurry, grab some colorful yarn for us," she said. "We need three colors - one for each of you - and your needles. Go. Quickly!"

Aziraphale took off toward the landing and snapped his wings open, allowing them to guide him gently to the ground floor. 

"Crowley," Maggie said. "Take her hand. Keep a tactile hold on her. Let me know if you sense anything wrong."

"Like what?"

"You're a demon, you'll know it when you feel it."

Crowley did as she asked and held Ruby's limp hand. Aziraphale returned a moment later.

"I have the yarn," he said.

"Good," she replied. "We're doing representational magic here. Each color represents your heartstrings. Give me Ruby's color."

Aziraphale handed over a spool of vivid red. Maggie quickly unwound it. She stretched it behind Ruby then around her ribs before extending it outwards from the sternum.

"Do the same with your yarn," Maggie said. "Around from the back reaching out from the sternum. Both of you, now."

They did as they were told. Crowley's yarn was a deep green and Aziraphale's was a lovely blue. 

"What now?" Crowley asked.

"We tie the three heartstrings together," Maggie said. "Starting with you two. You'll need to wind yours around each other into a single thread."

They got to work on this task, but Aziraphale's hands kept fumbling over it so Crowley did most of the work. 

"Now wind that single thread around Ruby's until that's also joined, then knot it in the center."

Again, Aziraphale found himself having a difficult time tying the knot manually. Crowley patiently picked up the slack.

"Now grip the rope you've created tightly. And _pull._ "

"What?" Aziraphale asked.

"You've bound your heartstrings together. This type of magic hinges on the love of the person who isn't hanging in the balance. You've got to use your love to pull her soul home. Quickly, now. _Pull_!"

Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a glance and gripped the rope with both hands. They began tugging with all their might while Maggie continued chanting over them.

Suddenly Ruby's soul slammed back into her body with a great jolt. She gasped.

She looked around and realized the strange scene she'd found herself in. "Hey, guys, what the fuck?" she asked.

"Ruby?" Aziraphale asked.

"Don't let go," Crowley said. "We don't want to break the spell til we know it's done."

"Break the spell?" Ruby asked. "What's going on?"

"It's done," Maggie said. "With any luck, it brought the right person home."

"Does anyone want to explain to me what's happening?" Ruby demanded.

"We need to check that it's really you," Crowley said seriously. "Ruby, what's your middle name?"

She looked at him quizzically. "It's just a 'C', really."

"Too easy," Crowley said. "How about this? You've got really interesting music taste. What song do you listen to in secret because you're afraid that if people knew what it was, it would damage your reputation as a punk?"

She glared at him. "Like I'm gonna say that to a room full of people. But I know what yours is, Mr. Roxette biggest fan."

Crowley smiled. "It's definitely her."

"You like Roxette?" Maggie asked.

"He does," Aziraphale said. "It's his secret pining music that he thinks nobody knows about."

"Right, that's enough of that," Crowley said.

"Hold on tight!" Ruby teased. "You know she's a little bit dangerous!"

"Stop it!" Crowley protested.

"Listen to your heart!" Aziraphale rumbled in a deep baritone. "When he's calling for you!"

"Shut it!" Crowley replied.

"You shouldn't be so embarrassed, Crowley," Ruby said. "Roxette was a good band."

"No shame in participating in gay culture every once in a while," Aziraphale said.

Ruby laughed. "Alright, now seriously," she said. "Does anyone want to tell me why Aziraphale's got his yarn wrapped around us?"

...

"I wasn't astral projecting," Ruby scoffed. "I don't know how to do that."

She cradled the mug of cocoa that Aziraphale had prepared for her and looked around the living room as if daring anyone to disagree.

"I know it's hard to accept, Ruby-" Maggie began.

"It's not about accepting anything!" Ruby insisted. "I've _tried_ astral projecting, Maggie! That's partly why we've worked so hard on my meditating! But I've never been able to get myself to do it. I can't concentrate well enough."

"Nevertheless, it's what happened," Aziraphale said. "You experienced a trigger and it sent you into a dissociative state that was so deep that you literally astral projected."

"Can you describe to us what happened, Ruby?" Crowley asked.

"I dunno," she said. "I was here, then I wasn't."

"Where were you?"

"Camp."

"You were camping?" Maggie asked.

"She means Camp," Crowley said. "Our planet. Of course. She felt threatened so she fled as far away from the danger as possible."

"I was just imagining it though," Ruby said. "Like a daydream. I wasn't..."

"You were," Aziraphale said. "It was an unconscious automatic response, but it happened. We're going to have to find a way to make sure it doesn't happen again."

"Why?"

"Because it's dangerous," Crowley said. "We've been trying to teach you how to do it because it's a useful skill, but we were trying in a controlled environment. If you can't control when you astral project, you could leave your body vulnerable."

"I mean it could be an inconvenience," Ruby said. "But even if I end up getting hit by a car or something, it's almost guaranteed to not be able to kill me. So what's the big deal?"

"If you float for too long, you could drift and not come back," said Maggie. "You could become permanently disconnected from your own body with no way to get back if you don't learn to navigate or tether yourself."

"Or worse," Crowley said. "We checked to make sure it was you who came back to us because if something else on the astral plane got wind that your body was empty, it could take over."

"Seriously?" Ruby asked. "Shouldn't that, I dunno, not be possible? I mean shouldn't I be nearly impervious to even spell damage?"

"The astral plane works differently from this one," said Aziraphale. "I expect the one loophole to your condition could be if you intentionally invited in some malevolent force. Vacating your body could be seen as an invitation."

"Which is why it's always important to have someone with you when you astral project," Maggie said.

"We have to stop this from happening again," Aziraphale reiterated. 

"That's why I had you save the yarn," Maggie explained. "Those three pieces became one. I need you to cut the rope we made into sections. Aziraphale, I need you to knit three bracelets from them. Each bracelet should have all the colors. It's a continuation of the representational magic. They should bind Ruby to this plane, but you both need to be her tethers."

"Wait, hold on," Crowley said. "Are you saying that we'll have to wear friendship bracelets?"

"Crowley you cannot be worried about your fashion choices at a time like this," Aziraphale said.

"No no, I'll do it," Crowley said. "I just wanted to clarify."

Selwyn returned from Katie's cottage at that moment.

"Oh hi Maggie," she said. "What are you doing here?"

"It's nothing," Ruby lied. "Nothing you have to worry about anyway."

But Selwyn could sense that something was going on. "I'll just...go to my room then?"

"Yeah," Ruby said. "I mean, if you want."

"Sure," Selwyn said.

"Right," Ruby said when she was out of earshot. "Let's make friendship bracelets."

...

Aziraphale created the bracelets, then they put them on. Maggie placed a small enchantment on the bracelets to seal the deal, after which they stood around in the kitchen.

"That should do the trick," Maggie said. "Let me know if you run into any sort of trouble."

Crowley picked at his new bracelet. "I'll walk you out."

Aziraphale set to work cleaning up the kitchen. "I do think you ought to talk to your guest if you're feeling up to it," he said.

"Selwyn?" Ruby asked. "Why?"

"I rather think you're hurting her feelings."

Ruby crossed her arms. "No'm not. Where'd you get that idea?"

"She's feeling a bit left out," he said. "I thought that was obvious."

"Left out? Selwyn's not feeling left out-"

"You continue to intentionally leave her out of conversations. That's fine, it's your prerogative to withhold personal information from whomever you wish. However, I do think it would be prudent to check in with your guest and ensure that she doesn't feel as though you're keeping things from her out of spite."

"She doesn't want to know things," Ruby insisted. "She's always said so."

"I think she may want to know you. She's been trying rather had to get to know you since she's been here. I'm only saying that a little attention goes a long way."

"I'll keep that in mind," Ruby said.

...

Ruby hesitated just outside of the guest room that used to be hers, then rapped lightly on the door. "It's me," she said. "Can I come in?"

"It's your room," Selwyn said.

"Not anymore," Ruby said. "So can I come in?"

"Yeah."

Ruby turned the knob and let herself in, closing the door behind her. "Hey. I was just coming to check and see how you're doing."

Selwyn was sitting on the bed reading a book, which she put aside now that Ruby was in with her. "What d'ya mean, how I'm doing?"

"You know, with everything. How're things going?"

"Fine? Brother's getting on well now."

"That's great, I'm happy to hear it. But I wasn't really asking about him, I was asking about you. How are _you_ doing? Is everything working out for you here?"

"Yeah, it's great. Food's good, company's good when I want it...I'm really liking getting to know Katie too. She's really good at crafts and stuff."

Ruby nodded. "D'ya mind if I...sit down?"

Selwyn swallowed. "Er...Go ahead?"

Ruby came to lie down next to Selwyn and stared up at the ceiling.

"You know when I don't tell you things it's nothing to do with you?"

Selwyn blinked. "What?"

"I just...I've always known you as the sort of person who tries not to be nosy. I envy that. I'm too curious for my own good. But you've always insisted that you don't want to know things about the sort of stuff I get into, so I've been trying to respect that."

"I'd like to get to know you better," Selwyn admitted. "You're sort of interesting, as it turns out."

Ruby smiled. "Guess I can see why you'd think that. But I just want you to know that when I don't tell you things, it's nothing to do with you. It's not that I don't think you can handle it or think you'd react badly or whatever. And it's definitely not that I don't like you. It's just...There are things about me that I'm not comfortable talking about. Don't know if I'll ever be. They're not really relevant, though, so it's not as if it puts you in danger or anything. Trust me, if it was something you needed to know, you'd know by now."

"I understand," Selwyn said.

"I just want you to see me as me. I don't think knowing all that would do anything but get in the way of that."

"I'm not entitled to anything that you're not ready to talk about. I get it."

"I astral projected today."

Selwyn propped herself up on her elbow to look at Ruby. "You did what?"

"Astral projected."

"Congratulations? I know you've been having trouble getting that to work."

"Yeah, except I didn't do this on purpose. Got triggered in a store when a song came on and sort of dissociated. That's why Maggie was here." She held up her wrist to display her new red, green, and blue bracelet. "That's what these are for. We're keeping me tethered to this plane. It could be dangerous for me to accidentally astral project."

Selwyn considered this then laid back down. "Is there any way I can help?"

Ruby smiled. "I don't think so. Not for this, anyway."

"But you'll let me know if there's ever anything I can do?"

"Of course, Selwyn."

"Was it scary?"

"What?"

"Astral projecting."

"I didn't know what was happening. I was just sort of confused mainly. One minute I was here, the next I was on another planet."

"Is this a metaphor or were you for real on another planet?"

"No, I was really on another planet," she replied. "One I'd been to before. I feel safe there, so it makes sense I'd go there when my fight or flight is activated."

"You've really been to another planet?"

"Oh yes. A handful of times now. Just the one, though. Crowley made it."

"Crowley built you a planet?"

"Not for me, no. He built it long before I was born. He's just taken me there sometimes. I've helped terraform it."

"Are there any humans there?"

"Not currently."

"Have any humans ever been there?"

"I was human the first time I visited."

"No kidding?"

"I really was. Anathema was with me that time too."

"Can I come?"

"Someday, maybe."

"What's it like there?"

"Oh it's beautiful. It's like nothing you've ever imagined. It's got three moons."

"You're having me on."

"Am not! Two of them are solid diamond, but the one in the middle is made of rubies. They reflect off the silver sea..."

...

Crowley walked Maggie out to her car.

"So what do we do?" he asked.

"For now?" Maggie said. "Nothing."

"Nothing? We can't just do nothing. Something hurt her...so badly that she can't even stand being on this planet..."

"She's tethered," Maggie said. "It won't keep her from dissociating, but it'll keep her from astral projecting."

"But-"

"The best you can do is wait," Maggie said. "She's had a long day. She's already been triggered twice. Let her rest. If she wants to come to you and explain why that song triggered her, then you can listen. But it'll do no good to remind her. Leave that to me after the holidays. We'll really get in there with the trauma therapy in a controlled environment and see what we can do about that." She could see his hesitation. "You'll have to trust me. We have to take this slow."

He hesitated for a moment longer. "Alright."

"For the meantime, try to keep her calm. I don't know if it's just that song, so for the meantime...Keep her away from Elvis, Christmas music, or any covers of that song. Just to be safe. Cover all bases." She hopped inside her car. "Oh. And Merry Christmas."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! This was originally going to be part of a longer chapter, but I figured this would do well as a stand alone so I split this off! So you get this part two weeks early! Surprise!
> 
> As my girlfriend said, "wow every character inherits your Christmas allergy, huh?" We're getting to that. I promise. In two weeks.


	49. Dybbuk's Dirge

The forecast during the week before Christmas kept threatening snow, but not even one flake appeared. This suited Ruby rather well, as she wasn't terribly fond of the cold. And anyway, the lack of snow meant there were still some varieties of mushrooms available to forage.

Selwyn did feel better after her conversation with Ruby, but she couldn't help but feel a bit left out when Ruby had her almost nightly meetings with her coven. Ruby was really throwing herself into her witch studies and Selwyn just couldn't help with that. Ruby knew that she didn't have a lot going on, so when she was in covens, she'd leave her phone downstairs so Selwyn could communicate with Lethe if things got lonely.

On one such night, Selwyn entered the kitchen to come face to face with Amira, who had been sent to get some biscuits from the cupboard.

"Oh," Amira said. "So you must be Ruby's supernormal pet."

Selwyn often had trouble reading tone, but she thought Amira sounded not at all impressed by her.

"Super...normal?" she repeated slowly. "Don't think that's one I've heard before. Oh and I'm not a pet."

"Supernormal," Amira said condescendingly. "SNs for short. Means someone without magic. Like you. Which is why you must be a pet. Why else would anyone put up with you?You can't do spells, you can't even do a simple levitation. What can you offer her except the possibility of getting her killed?"

"I'd never do anything to hurt her."

"You'll run your mouth. It's what supernormals do. Just keep in mind what your place is. Your kind may think they rule the world, but that's what we want you to think. You can serve us or you can get out of our way."

Ruby hopped down to the foot of the stairs. "Hey, do ya need help finding the biscuits?" she asked obliviously. "Oh, I see you met Selwyn. I've been meaning to introduce you, but normally she's so shy. I've been thinking about teaching her some basic spells."

"Have you, now?" Amira asked, without taking her eyes off Selwyn.

"Yeah, thought it could be fun," Ruby shrugged. "Nothing big. Just little stuff." Ruby raised a hand and miracled open a cabinet then summoned the box of biscuits to her. "Alright, we've got snacks. Let's get back to it."

"Good chat, Selwyn," Amira said as she left to meet Ruby by the stairs.

Ruby and Amira climbed the stairs together.

"You can't teach her magic, you know," said Amira. 

"I mean I know she probably likely can't do anything that requires innate ability," Ruby said. "But I can at least teach her little things."

"No, I mean you can't," Amira said as they reached the landing. She called to the other members of the coven. "Hey guys, Ruby's thinking about teaching her supernormal pet how to do magic."

"She's not a pet," Ruby protested. "She's my friend."

Amira put a hand to her heart. "Aw, that's so sweet," she said. "She's gotten attached to it."

Ruby really wasn't liking Amira's tone. "Don't call her an it."

"You can't teach magic to an SN," said Sanna. "They're inferior. They don't deserve our gifts. They should be grateful we allow them to exist."

Ruby narrowed her eyes. "You can't mean that."

"Supernormals would just pollute any magic we give them," Elodie said. "They'd weaponize it somehow."

"Don't we weaponize it sometimes?" Ruby protested. "I mean, my dads have told me about witches they used to know. Morgana, Circe-"

"Great women," Elodie said. "We should aspire to be that cool."

"I mean, on the one hand, yeah," Ruby said. "But we shouldn't aspire to like actually hurt people. Right?" She looked around at her coven in confusion. "What's the deal? I mean, like, I know I haven't known you guys for long enough to say this, but is something wrong? You all seem very..."

"We've been giving it a lot of thought lately," said Elodie. "We spend an awful lot of time hiding from people. We should be able to live free."

"I agree, but not if the cost is taking freedom from others."

Sanna smiled. "Let's not talk about this now. I told you guys she wasn't ready to hear this. Why don't we just focus on our spellcasting?"

Ruby frowned. On the one hand, what she was hearing was very troubling. On the other, she really wanted to learn the new spell that Sanna had promised. She figured she could just go to Crowley later and share her concerns and they'd decide what to do.

"Alright," she said slowly. She and Amira made their way to complete the circle on Ruby's bedroom floor. "What are we doing?"

"It's a power-sharing spell," Sanna said. "We've got to become stronger as a coven. If we can merge our powers and become one, there's no limit to what we can do."

Ruby had some reservations about this. She thought maybe there should be limits on what's possible. But she thought it best to follow along. "How do we do it?"

Sanna took a jewel-encrusted blade from her pocket and held it in front of her. She made a small incision on her right hand, then another on her left. She handed it to Amira. 

"We each slice open our hands, then join them," Sanna said.

Amira frowned. "Blood magic, Sanna?"

"We're completing a power circle," Sanna insisted. "We must open ourselves to receive and transmit power."

"I dunno," Elodie said. "It's still blood magic, which is something we've never messed with before. You sure you're feeling alright?"

"I'm fine," Sanna said impatiently. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you never used to want to mess with this sort of stuff before," Elodie insisted. "Up until recently, you were too scared to conjure fire or do basic transmutation. I swear, you've been different since we did that séance."

"I've had a change of heart. What, did you want me to stick to my potions and elementals all my life? That's so patronizing."

"But this is going really fast," Amira said. "Maybe we should slow down, work up to this-"

"Why?" Sanna snapped. "Don't treat me like some child! I can handle doing a little grownup magic!"

Selwyn reached the top of the stairs. "Hey," she said nervously. "I was on my way to my room and thought I heard shouting."

"Oh look an SN spy!" Sanna shouted. She spoke a quick incantation and Selwyn was lifted into the air and slammed against the wall.

All the air was expelled from Selwyn's lungs, but she was otherwise unharmed. "Put me down!" she commanded. "Hey, put me down, please!"

Everyone got to their feet except Sanna, who was still sitting grinning gleefully at Selwyn.

"Poor little supernormal pet," said Sanna. "You wanna teach it tricks, Ruby?" She threw her voice into Selwyn's mouth and made her mouth move. "Wanna make it speak?" She brought her voice back into her own body. "Roll over?" Selwyn spun to face the wall. "...Play dead?"

"Stop it, Sanna, let her go!" Ruby said frantically.

"This so isn't cool, Sanna!" Amira said. 

"Isn't it?" Sanna said. "I think it's cool. This is what we've been talking about for months, Miri. We've got to get control of the SNs."

"I wasn't...I didn't really _mean_ that!"

"Coulda fooled me," Sanna giggled.

"Sanna, I'm serious," Ruby said. "Put. Selwyn. Down."

Aziraphale and Crowley appeared in the tower, pulled up by Ruby's heightened emotions.

"Let that girl go," Crowley said in a low voice.

"Oh but the SN is so much more fun up there," Sanna giggled. "It's like a little puppet show."

"I wasn't talking about Selwyn," Crowley said. "I'm talking about Sanna. Let her go."

Ruby had been so focused on Selwyn, but these words made her turn her head. Sanna tilted her head as she regarded Crowley with a wicked grin.

"Some demon you are," she said in a childish voice. "Took you only - what - two months to smell me?"

"I wasn't looking in the right place," Crowley said. "Aziraphale, if you please."

Aziraphale nodded and raised a hand as he locked Sanna with a steely gaze. "Demon, I bind thee."

Sanna was instantly wrapped in bonds of silver light.

She giggled. "Aw, that tickles. It's not gonna make me come out, though."

Aziraphale kept his hand raised toward Sanna, but used his other to guide Selwyn gently back to the ground. 

Ruby ran to her side at once. "You alright?"

"Little shaky," Selwyn said. "Mostly just pissed off."

"I'm so so sorry," Ruby thought. "I never meant to put you in any danger."

"Is this where you send me down to your room to deal with this on your own?"

"If you want," Ruby said. "I know you can't always handle this sort of magic stuff."

"It freaks me out, yeah," Selwyn said. "And I'll let you know if I need to go. But I sort of want to see what the _hell_ is going on."

Ruby nodded. "Then you can stay." 

"I don't understand," Elodie said. "What are you doing to Sanna?"

"Sanna is possessed," Aziraphale said. "She needs to be restrained until we can get it out of her."

"Which might be tricky, considering what I believe we're dealing with," said Crowley.

"Possessed?" Ruby asked. "Like this is...a demon?"

"Not exactly," Crowley said. "Similar, but must more primal. What we're dealing with here is a Dybbuk."

"You're not serious," Selwyn said.

Aziraphale smiled. "Ah yes, I forgot. Being Jewish, you'd know all about those, wouldn't you?"

"I mean, yeah," Selwyn said. "But I always thought they were basically the same thing as demons."

"Dybbuks are the things that demons are afraid of," Sanna grinned. "Isn't that right, Crowley?"

Crowley winced. "Hate to admit it, but that's not wrong. Some demons will work with Dybbuks, but you can't control them and they backfire easily. Dybbuks have no form. They infect their host and use them as a conduit to infect those around them."

"Infect?" Ruby asked. "What do you mean infect?"

Crowley looked at Amira and Elodie. "Have either of you been experiencing any particularly nasty thoughts or impulses lately? Things you wouldn't normally think or do?"

"I..." Amira's eyes darted quickly to Selwyn then she looked away. "I dunno, sort of, maybe?"

"Dybbuks prey on existing insecurities in the host," Crowley said. "That's how it starts. But when it takes proper hold, it can twist those around them."

"Sanna's been talking an awful lot about doing away with the non-witches," Amira admitted. "I thought she was just joking at first, but..."

Crowley nodded. "This one's been in for a while, by the looks of it. It's good that we caught it in time. Dybbuks have been known to incite genocide before. They start by making it seem like just a joke as a way to indoctrinate others, then before you know it you think you really believe that stuff. Then you go on to spread it."

"Hate spreads faster than any other disease," Aziraphale acknowledged. "I can see it's already begun festering in your minds. Fear begets paranoia begets hatred."

"How did it get in her in the first place?" Elodie asked. "Sanna never does anything dangerous on purpose unless she's sure we're taking safety precautions. She wouldn't knowingly let something into her mind."

"Dybbuks don't require the same sort of complicated consent as corporeal demons do," Crowley said. "That's what makes them so unpredictable. There are certain people who are more vulnerable to letting them in. People who may already have traits that the Dybbuks can use. Naturally paranoid people, people who are given to conspiracy or who think the world is more dangerous than it is. It'll turn those feelings into a weapon. Usually they will require informed consent to latch on, but not always. If it goes after a person like this without their knowledge, it's usually because some spell went wrong and they were let in through a magical loophole."

That's when it dawned on Ruby. "Like breaking a circle during a séance?"

Sanna laughed wickedly. "Yes, very good Ruby! Gold star!"

"Yes," Crowley said. "That would do it."

Sanna continued to laugh. Her head lulled to the side as she fixed her eyes on Ruby. "Ruby, how does it feel to have things always be so completely your fault?"

"Don't listen to her, Ruby," said Aziraphale. "She's not herself. And it isn't your fault. You couldn't've known."

"Then whose fault is it?" Sanna asked. "Poor little Sanna? She broke the circle because she was too dim to know the spell wasn't finished?"

"Don't talk about my friend like that," Amira said.

"But that's what Ruby's saying, isn't it?" Sanna asked. "If it's not Ruby's fault, then it must be Sanna's. Never mind that the spell was Ruby's idea in the first place. But I guess it must be Sanna's fault. After all, she was open and waiting with all this rejection dysphoria. It was really quite delicious. She's so easy to manipulate because she fears so very many things."

Ruby decided to ignore this. She knew the Dybbuk was only trying to goad her. "Sanna doesn't deserve this. Tell me how we get it out of her."

"There's Dybbuk Boxes, right?" Selwyn asked. "I feel like that's a thing I've seen on ghost shows."

"That's a myth, I'm afraid," Aziraphale replied. "There's never been any box strong enough to hold a Dybbuk. The idea of a box doing so is an incredibly modern one."

"Okay a box can't hold it," Ruby said. "But does that imply that something else can?"

"It's incredibly dangerous," Crowley said in a low voice. "Dybbuks prefer a living, breathing vessel to sew their evil. They'll normally only leave to settle in other human hosts."

"Which is out of the question," Ruby said. 

"We know," said Crowley. "It's far too dangerous. Dybbuks can spread and pass between humans so easily. They can go undetected in their hosts for years. I'm surprised this one decided to reveal itself so soon. It must've figured it would be more fun this way."

"So what's the other option?" Ruby asked.

"We could try to find some other vessel to stick it in," Crowley said.

"But that's no less dangerous," Aziraphale said. "It can't be held in what we call a stationary object. It needs something it can transport itself in."

"Modern Dybbuks love computers," Crowley said. "They make nests in the internet."

"What, like Dybbuks are out there hosting themselves on Reddit?" Ruby asked sarcastically.

"And 4Chan," Aziraphale replied. "What? I may not know exactly what a 4Chan is, but I'm an Angel. It's my job to know common breeding grounds for evil. There are also Dybbuk colonies in something called Gamertube and Xbox Live."

"You can't be serious," Ruby said. 

"Actually," Selwyn said. "That tracks."

"So putting it in a computer is out of the question," said Ruby. "Anything else."

"You keep running into the same problem," Aziraphale said apologetically. "You can put it in the internet, but it'll spread. Same thing happens if you put it in a radio. The sound waves will carry it around. They _love_ talk radio. Same thing happens if you put it in a television."

A horrible realization hit Ruby. "Fox News?"

"That one wasn't an internal television Dybbuk," Crowley said. "But yeah, actually. A lot of top level people at Fox News are under Dybbuk control directly or indirectly."

"What about a book?" Ruby asked. "You always see it in movies that you put demons into books. Literally bind them."

"Have you ever seen how those movies end?" Selwyn asked. "They always end up being read."

"Selwyn's right," Aziraphale said. "You can't contain evil forever."

"So what do we put it in?" Amira asked. "Somebody give me a solution to save my friend!"

"Ooooh put me in a dolly!" Sanna laughed gleefully. "I just _love_ being in dollies!"

"Something tells me that we shouldn't put her in a doll," said Ruby.

"You ever seen Chucky?" Crowley asked.

"No, but I'm familiar with the concept of a cursed doll," Ruby said.

"I'm afraid we don't have a lot of options," Aziraphale said. "We can find something to put it in that will inevitably release it into the world at some point, or we can leave it in her."

"We're not leaving it in her!" Elodie said.

"Yeah," Ruby agreed. "That's not happening."

"What would happen if you left it in?" Selwyn asked. "Just for argument's sake."

"She could attempt to live with it," Aziraphale said doubtfully. 

"But what's most likely?" Ruby asked.

Aziraphale hesitated. "She'll hurt herself or others. Best case scenario is that it kills her."

"That's your idea of a best case scenario?" asked Ruby.

"It's a kind of demon, isn't it?" Elodie asked. "So what about an exorcism?"

Sanna laughed. "They won't do an exorcism," she said confidently. "Afraid that proximity to it would hurt poor little Ruby. It would _definitely_ hurt poor little Crowley."

Ruby turned to Aziraphale with a question in her eyes.

"An exorcism is incredibly dangerous," he admitted in a whisper. "To Crowley, certainly. We can't know for certain how it would affect you."

"Even just with us being in proximity?" Ruby asked.

"You can't be anywhere near it. You may never be able to be in this house again. That's why our best case scenario is to keep it in her. There's nothing else strong enough to hold it."

"You know that's not exactly true, Aziraphale," said a voice from a corner behind them.

Ruby whipped around and her dads closed ranks beside her, raising their hands and wings to defensive positions.

"Woah," Selwyn breathed.

"Who's this?" Amira asked. "Another demon?"

"Good question," Ruby said, crossing her arms. "What are you doing here, Gabriel?"

Gabriel smirked and put his hands in the air. "Relax, gentlemen," he said. "I come in peace."

"Hey," Ruby protested. "You're not allowed to have cool one liners."

"I'll make an effort to keep them to myself, then," he said snidely.

"Answer the question, Gabriel," said Aziraphale in a voice as low as oncoming thunder. "What are you doing in my home?" He stepped toward Gabriel menacingly. "I should smite you where you stand. If you think you can waltz in here and threaten my daughter-"

"Threaten?" he chuckled. "Who's threatening? I've picked a side, Aziraphale. I see where the chips are landing. So I'm hitching my cart to the right horse. Is that a mixed metaphor?" He tilted his head to the side as if considering this then put it from his mind. He looked at Ruby with a mischievous glint in his eye and gave a sort of cheeky half-bow complete with a flourish of the hand. "I'm here to offer my assistance to the new little _Miss_ - _s_ _iah."_

Ruby winced when she understood the wordplay. "Don't call me that," she said warily.

"Whatever you wish," he said as he straightened up. 

"Oooh," Sanna said gleefully. "Things just got interesting."

"Ruby," Selwyn said. "What's going on?"

"I can give you the long version later," Ruby said without looking away from Gabriel. "But the short version is that this is an angel that Aziraphale killed because it was trying to get me killed. You'll have to excuse me if I don't think he's just forgiven us for that little fact. I'm not that naïve."

"I don't expect you to believe that I've come here out of the goodness of my heart," Gabriel said. "But as it happens, I have information that may help you. I find it interesting, actually, that Aziraphale hasn't already told you."

"What the Devil are you on about?" Aziraphale snapped.

"You said there never was anything strong enough to hold a Dybbuk without allowing it to spread," he said patiently. "But you know that isn't true."

"If you're talking about what I think you're talking about, that's not even a relevant option," Aziraphale replied. "It's not worth bringing up. It doesn't exist anymore."

"What doesn't exist?" Ruby asked. "Aziraphale, what is he talking about?"

"An actual Dybbuk box existed once," Gabriel said. "No one knows how it was made or where exactly it came from, but it worked. It belonged to a hunter."

"A hunter?" Ruby asked. "Well where is he? We need to find him."

"Not a he," Gabriel said. "A she. Frankly, I'm shocked you'd be so sexist, Ruby."

"Pandora," Aziraphale said softly. "Her name was Pandora."

"Pandora?" Ruby asked. "Oh no way! You don't mean...Pandora's box was...a Dybbuk box?"

" _The_ Dybbuk box," Gabriel said. "The only one that ever worked."

"Pandora was real?" She glared at them. "Why did neither of you _ever_ tell me that Pandora was real?"

"Because her real story was even sadder," Aziraphale said. "She was, I suppose you would say, a slayer. She was trained from birth by angels to be a weapon against the Dybbuks, who at the time roamed the Earth freely. But Dybbuks cannot truly be killed, only trapped. She trapped a great many in a jar - because it was a jar, you see, not actually a box. But she was tempted by a demon to open the box, letting all the Dybbuks escape in the process." He glared at Gabriel. "The jar was lost. I've even heard that it was shattered. What good does it do to bring it up?"

Gabriel smiled in a decidedly unsettling way. "Because I could take you to Pandora. Or, rather, I have contacts who could. On the astral plane." He extended a hand to Ruby. "If you'll permit me."

Ruby crossed her arms and looked at him like he'd lost his mind. "I'm not going anywhere with you, mate."

"That's right," Aziraphale said. "She isn't. You think we're fools, Gabriel?"

"Fine," Gabriel replied. "I understand you're reluctant to trust me after what I put you through. If Ruby won't accompany me, then I'll take you instead. Unless you don't want to help this poor girl?"

"No," Crowley said softly. "No, absolutely not, this is some sort of trap."

The concern was evident on Ruby's face as well. "I don't like this, Dad."

"I'll return him in one piece," Gabriel assured them. "Scouts honor."

Aziraphale frowned. "You were never a scout!"

"It's a symbolic gesture!" Gabriel insisted. "From her culture!"

"Yeah, mate, not exactly sure I've got one of those," Ruby said. "Not properly, anyhow."

"Look, do you want to help the girl or not?" Gabriel asked. "Because that's the conundrum here, isn't it? Will you do the right thing to help humankind, or will you prove your own selfishness? You can preach up here from your pedestals, but are you actually willing to put humans first? I mean look at this poor girl. Is her life just worthless to you?"

"Please," Amira said. "Please help her."

"I'll do it," Aziraphale said. He decided to continue his old bluff in hopes that Heaven was still buying it. "But only because I'm unkillable anyway. So this had better not be an attempt to kill me, because you'll be wasting both of our times."

"Aziraphale-" Crowley protested.

"Humanity first," Aziraphale replied firmly. "We must be an example for our daughter." He glanced at Sanna. "She won't pose a threat to you while she's still contained in my binding spell. The only thing that could break it would be another angel or if someone gives permission for the Dybbuk to enter another vessel."

"Neither of those things will happen," Ruby assured him.

Crowley tried to communicate with his eyes just how much he didn't like this plan.

"I know," Aziraphale replied. "I'll be back soon." He turned to Gabriel. "I suppose our lives are in your hands."

"I can't pretend like that fact doesn't give me some pleasure," Gabriel replied. He snapped his fingers, and he and Aziraphale disappeared.

Crowley took a breath and tried to quiet his nerves. "He really needs to stop making a habit of this," Crowley said.

"Of what?" Ruby asked.

"Going into certain danger to save humans," Crowley said. "Of course I don't regret you, not for a second, but...My nerves can't handle it if he keeps on with the heroics." He took another deep breath then turned to the others. "Come on, you lot. Let's go downstairs. I'll fix you up some tea. There's nothing more we can do up here."

"She shouldn't be alone-" Elodie protested.

"That's exactly what she should be," Crowley said. "At least for the moment. That thing inside her has taken control. It's still her in there, but it's been warped. Until we get it out, it'll use any perceived weakness against you."

"Aw," Sanna said. "And I thought we could be friends, Mr. Crowley."

Crowley winced, but elected to ignore it. "C'mon," he insisted. "Everyone downstairs now."

...

Everyone filed gloomily to the kitchen. Ruby stopped Selwyn before they went inside.

"It's alright if this is a little much for you," she said. "I know you have trouble with stuff like this, so if you'd feel safer in your room with the door locked, I understand."

"Would it be safer in my room with the door locked?" Selwyn asked.

"No," she said. "Or, at least, it would be just as safe as out here."

"Honestly, I feel safer out here with you guys," Selwyn admitted. "When it's just me by myself, I feel much more vulnerable."

"I understand," Ruby said. This was true, since she always felt safer with Aziraphale and Crowley. "But if it gets to be too much, you're allowed to need some alone time. This is stressful. I'm barely handling it. So it's not a sign of weakness or something if you need some time. You've been so brave already tonight, you've got nothing to prove."

Selwyn frowned. "Brave? Me? When?"

"You came upstairs when you heard shouting to check if I was okay," Ruby pointed out.

"That wasn't bravery," Selwyn said. "That was just like. Bare minimum. Decency."

"Looked pretty like bravery to me," Ruby insisted. "My natural instinct is to run and hide when I hear shouting. Never ends well for me to be anywhere near raised voices. So I'm impressed that you would."

"Well yeah, but only because it was..." Selwyn bit back the word 'you'. She cleared her throat. "It was sort of hard. Had to psych myself up first."

Ruby grinned. "Thought so. But that's my point. It was brave of you. And I appreciate it."

"Any time," Selwyn said.

They walked into the kitchen.

"She's not like this," Amira said. "None of us, we're not...This isn't us."

"Oh yeah?" Ruby said, crossing her arms. "Prove it."

"What?"

"Look, I don't know any of you well enough to pass judgment, and maybe I can see a clear difference between the people I first met two months ago and the people standing here now. But from where I'm standing, it could also be that you're showing me your true faces. So you need to work harder to prove to me that you aren't all secretly bigoted. Because otherwise I don't feel comfortable having you around here anymore and I don't feel safe leaving you alone around my friends."

Amira looked stricken. "Did she tell you what I said?"

Ruby narrowed her eyes as she followed Amira's gaze to Selwyn. "No. Did you say something to her?"

"It's really not a big deal," Selwyn said anxiously.

"It's a big deal to me," Ruby said in a low voice. "Did you say something to Selwyn, Amira?"

"I..." Amira began. "I dunno, I...I don't know. I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

"She was under the influence of a Dybbuk," Crowley said. "You can't blame her."

"Not entirely," Ruby said. "But I can sorta. If they prey on your existing insecurity, then whatever rude thing you said had to come from somewhere, right?"

"I know Ruby hasn't had time to be meeting with you for a lot of the last two months," Crowley said. "But have you three been meeting regularly without her?"

"I mean, yeah," Elodie said. "Sorry, we didn't mean to exclude anyone. There just wasn't time..."

"We understand that," Crowley said. "That just means that you've had much more exposure to the Dybbuk than Ruby has. It's had much more direct contact with you. You said Sanna's been acting strange since the séance?"

"Yeah," Elodie said. "She kept going on about the supernormals."

"She's not like this," Amira insisted. "Really. You know, she was so excited to get to do a séance, Ruby. She thought it was so cool that someone was trusting her to do that kind of high level magic. But she was also terrified of it. She told me. She thought she was gonna screw it up and get us all in trouble. I had to convince her that she wouldn't."

"Then she broke the circle," Crowley said. "She let it in."

"Don't blame her, Crowley," Ruby said softly. "It was my stupid plan in the first place. I should've just let you and Aziraphale track Lethe down for me."

"What else has it been saying?" Crowley asked. "Rhetoric against the non-magical aside?"

"She's been very interested in Ruby," Amira said. "I thought maybe she had a little crush at first, but...No, it was a little scary sometimes. Sanna just pushed us so hard to try to go see Ruby."

"Me?" Ruby said. "Why me?"

"We all felt it," Amira said gravely. "When we combined energy during the ritual. You have a power we've never felt before. It was such a rush. I can't deny that I've wanted to feel something like that again ever since I felt it."

That's when it dawned on Ruby. "She wanted us to combine our energy again. That's why she was trying to have us do that blood ritual."

"Blood ritual?" Crowley asked sharply. "You didn't-"

"Please, you think I'm that stupid?" Ruby asked. "I wouldn't've gone through with it. I know better than to go around doing blood magic and sharing my energy with anyone. But I was definitely going to sit there until I had the full information before I found a reason to back out. If Sanna was into something properly dangerous, I thought we should know what it is."

"Sanna does green magic," Elodie said. "That's always been her whole thing. Stuff derived from nature. Healing, spiritual cleansing, remedies. None of this is like her at all."

"The Dybbuk sort of binds to your soul," Crowley said. "That's what makes it more dangerous than a run-of-the-mill demon. It sort of slowly infects you. A demon will just inhabit your body and maybe possibly drive you insane. They don't usually bother actually doing the work of slowly changing you on a fundamental level."

"That's horrifying," Amira said. "Can we get her back?"

"It's been two months," Crowley said. "If she's been fighting back, there's a chance that we can free her. But it'll leave a scar."

"So who's more at risk for Dybbuks?" Selwyn asked. "Like...weak minded people, or...?"

"Not in the way you're thinking," Crowley said. "Weak minded people aren't so much a product of an inherent flaw. They're more susceptible because of life circumstance. Women are sometimes more susceptible because society teaches them that they should be more trusting and shouldn't be too introspective or question too much. Certain people who've been in abusive or emotionally neglectful situations are more prone because they have an unmet need that the Dybbuk can prey on. The most usual victim of a Dybbuk is someone who feels frequently misunderstood and develops an outsider mentality and looks for someone to blame. But in all these cases, it's an individual product of circumstance. If you set someone up with the tools to be a compassionate and empathetic person who knows how to spot misleading information, then they're less susceptible. Take Ruby for instance. You should, by all rights, be a person who would be susceptible to Dybbuks. But you developed a keen mind on your own. Your distrust does not come at the expense of others. You're introspective to the point of being fortified against Dybbuk attack. Despite all your life circumstances."

"So what made Sanna susceptible?" Ruby asked. "Beyond her breaking the circle, I mean?"

"Her mum," Amira said softly. "I won't get into it, but her mum's always been very hard on her. Always makes her feel like she's incapable or can't do anything right. It's why she's so scared to try anything new or heavy. That could do it, couldn't it? Having someone in your life always tear you down?"

Crowley nodded. "It could."

"She's always having to tell her mum when she's going out and how long she'll be out for," Elodie said. "She's always afraid someone will see Sanna do magic and then she'll get burned at the stake..."

Selwyn's eyes widened. "So it's not a leap to think that could make her a little paranoid about non-witches?"

"Where did Dad go?" Ruby asked softly. "Gabriel said his contact was on the astral plane, but they went somewhere physically. I don't think I understand how that works."

Crowley could feel her fear. "The astral plane is different. It's a place, but it isn't."

"Meaning what?"

"It sort of..." He cast about for words to describe a concept that he'd always intuitively understood. "Intersects with reality. Which isn't to say it's _not_ reality, it's just...Okay, remember on Halloween when the veil was lifted and everyone could see the ghosts?"

"Yeah?"

"The veil is what was between our part of reality and the astral plane," Crowley said. "There are times and places where that veil naturally becomes thinner: Halloween, New Orleans, Stonehenge, Savannah...There are ways of producing an artificial overlap between the two sides - that normally requires some sort of massive desecration or slaughter. Places like Salem, Auschwitz, Hiroshima...The point is, those are places where the living can get easier access to the astral plane. The astral plane is around us all the time, invisible to us. Only those of us with natural abilities or death experiences can see through the curtain all the time." He sighed with frustration. "Wicca could explain this better."

"Yeah, well, I learned my lesson about seances," Ruby said. "So please. Try."

"The astral plane is part of this world but also not," Crowley said. "Everything exists on it. Earth, Heaven, Hell..."

"Heaven and Hell are on the astral plane?" Ruby asked sharply.

"It's actually a misconception that Heaven is physically up and Hell is physically down," Crowley said. "To say demons have fallen is a rather dramatic way to say we were cast out. Humans have imagined the locations as being above and below because they can't wrap their heads around the fact that both constantly exist around them and are accessed through the astral plane."

"Okay," Ruby said. "So that's where Aziraphale's gone?"

"I imagine Aziraphale's gone to what you might call Purgatory," Crowley said. "Humans like to mix up Purgatory and Limbo, when they're actually two different things. Limbo is I guess what you'd call the solitary confinement of Hell. Or maybe at least the waiting room. But Purgatory is different. There's hope in Purgatory."

"It's where you go to get purified before you actually go to Heaven, right?" Selwyn asked. "Because Purgatory literally means to be cleansed?" She noted the impressed look in Crowley's eyes. "Sorry, I just watched a lot of Supernatural. The fandom talks a lot about this stuff..." She couldn't be sure, but she thought she saw Crowley's eyes darken slightly with something almost like embarrassment and frustration. "Sorry did I say something wrong?"

"No no," Crowley assured her. "It's just...Supernatural. It could've been anything, but it had to be that...But you're right, technically. About Purgatory, I mean. It's not a cleansing fire or anything, it's a place where lost souls can work out their traumas before ascending to Heaven. The astral plane is Purgatory. It's the holding place for souls that haven't been damned but still have business."

It dawned on Ruby. "Like ghosts."

"Exactly."

"So Aziraphale's gone to find a ghost who can help?"

"I imagine so."

"But he can go physically? Doesn't need to astral project?"

"What we are means we can do that. We wanted to start you on astral projecting first to get you used to the idea before we took you there. We were debating whether we even wanted to."

She took a breath. "Is he going to be okay?"

"I don't see why he wouldn't be," Crowley said. "Unless Gabriel doesn't hold up his part of the bargain."

...

They air was a thick, slow, hazy purple that reflected and refracted light when hit directly. Time seemed to wobble and bend around them, folding in almost like a bubble. Aziraphale could still see his family standing in that attic room, but it was as though he had a bad connection. They moved at the equivalent of one frame per minute and their voices were slowed. They seemed to flicker slightly.

"I've never liked it here," Aziraphale said. "I much prefer Earth, where time moves linearly." He fixed his eyes upon Gabriel. "Well? Are you going to take me to this contact? Because I'm in rather a hurry."

"Patience, Aziraphale," Gabriel said. "You know you can't rush these things."

The one thing Aziraphale didn't mind about the astral plane was how his wings were given room to breath. They always felt so weighty under Earth's gravity. He shook them out and enjoyed the way they felt with time moving through his feathers.

"First thing's first," Gabriel said. "We'll have to find-"

Gabriel was cut off mid-sentence when he was attacked and shoved roughly into a wall of dark matter. A spirit pinned him against it and held a time splinter against his throat.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she asked. "I've told you before, I'm not helping you!"

Aziraphale peered at this newcomer in surprise. "Wicca?"

Wicca looked up in surprise, but didn't lower her time splinter. "Aziraphale? What are you doing here?"

"I was going to ask you the same question," he said.

"I live here," she said. "Well not live _...Reside._ Did something happen? Is Ruby alright?"

"There's a spot of trouble with a Dybbuk," Aziraphale explained. "We're here looking for Pandora."

"We?" She glanced at Gabriel. "You're not telling me you're here with this bastard?"

"I take it you two know each other?"

"We've had a few run ins," Wicca said. "I made it clear that if he came into my territory, I'd get rid of him. The astral realms between Heaven and Hell are where I have my real power. I won't tolerate anyone in here making trouble."

"Gabriel, what have you been up to?" Aziraphale asked with exasperation.

"Just telling everyone the good news," Gabriel said breezily. "A new savior has risen."

Wicca was visibly disgusted. "She's just a kid, Gabriel. And I don't trust you. Like _you_ don't have an ulterior motive."

"Wicca," Aziraphale said slowly. "You've been around almost as long as we have. Do you know anything about Pandora?"

"I might," she said. "Not anything recent, though. Nobody's seen her in a few thousand years."

"Did she move on?"

"No," Gabriel said. "She wouldn't be able to."

"So she's still here somewhere?"

"Probably," Wicca said. 

"You make that sound less than certain. You're not suggesting she's in Hell, are you?"

"I don't think she'd get that kind of treatment, no."

"Speaking of treatment," Gabriel said. "Would you mind lowering your time knife? I swear, I'm only trying to help."

Wicca gave him a disgusted look then looked at Aziraphale as if asking for permission.

"I was actually rather enjoying the show," Aziraphale said. "But fine, let him go."

Wicca rolled her eyes and let him go.

"Thank you," Gabriel said as he straightened his suit. "Now. You were saying."

"Pandora's been missing for a long time," Wicca explained. "Nobody thought much of it. She was always hard on herself, we thought she might just be hiding out somewhere taking a vow of silence."

"You sound less than sure about that," Aziraphale said.

"Until recently, I never questioned it," she admitted. "But with everything that's been happening here, I'm not so sure."

"What's been happening?" Aziraphale asked.

"You don't know?" Wicca asked. "You haven't sensed it?"

"Sensed what?"

She glanced at Gabriel. "You haven't told him?"

"Don't look at me," Gabriel said. "I thought he would've worked it out."

"Things have been getting bad here," Wicca explained. "The astral plane has been degrading."

"How is that possible?" Aziraphale asked.

"The laws the govern unreality are breaking down. It's become a free-for-all. It's more dangerous here than it's ever been. That's why I haven't been hanging around much lately. I've been trying to figure out what's been going on here."

"And what have you found?"

"Nothing substantial."

"And you think Pandora's disappearance has something to do with that?"

"I wouldn't if it had just been her. But since Hades and Osiris have gone missing-"

Aziraphale held up a hand. "Wait, hold on. Hades and Osiris are missing?"

She nodded. "For some time now."

"So who's in charge of the souls?"

"Persephone, for now. But there are tensions and the demons are growing restless."

Aziraphale turned to Gabriel. "You knew about this?"

"I'm surprised you didn't," he replied. "Are you really that cut off, living in blissful ignorance on Earth?"

"I know this isn't our primary mission," Aziraphale said. "But I think we really might need to make a quick detour into Heaven. I need a debrief immediately."

"That's impossible."

"I know I'm technically banished, but this affects all of us-"

"No, Aziraphale, it's not about your banishment. I mean, haven't you noticed that Heaven's been a little quiet for the past few months?"

Aziraphale felt a sudden chill. "That's just Heaven's way."

"No that's God's way. Heaven would've got back to you by now. They'd at least have sent you a message telling you they'd return your call in the order it was received."

"I admit I did find it a bit troubling."

"Heaven isn't helping with the issue of the astral plane, because they're at the center of it. Until the problem is corrected, Heaven is sealed."

"No," Aziraphale said. "It can't be."

"I'm afraid it's true. Try to reach Heaven from here. Go on, try."

Aziraphale closed his eyes and tried to feel the dimensional winds he'd normally ride in. There wasn't even so much as a breeze.

"No," Aziraphale said. "This is bad."

"I suggest we deal with this later," Gabriel said. "Worrying about Heaven won't save your daughter."

"Right," Aziraphale said. "So where do we start?"

"I have contacts on this side," Gabriel said. "There are a few seers-"

Wicca laughed. "Seers? The seers were practically the first to disappear after Pandora. You're gonna have to do better than that."

"What do you suggest, little witch?" Gabriel asked.

"I've got an idea."

...

Wicca let them down a twisted path.

"Watch you step," she warned. "Time shales are slippery underfoot. Really, I don't understand how corporated people navigate down here."

"Carefully," Aziraphale replied.

They came to a corner and Wicca motioned for them to hide.

"What is it?" Azirapahale asked.

"Shade sprites," Wicca hissed.

"Shade sprites?" Aziraphale repeated. "Oh come now. We're Angels. We can't be taken down by shade sprites."

"The universe is breaking down," Wicca said. "Shade sprites have more power. And even if they couldn't take you down, they could end me. So we wait them out."

"Who are we looking for anyway?" Gabriel asked.

"Janus."

Aziraphale nodded. "So he, at least, hasn't disappeared."

"Only because he's the beginning and the end," Wicca said. "If the purpose is to unravel the order, he'd be the last to go before God herself."

"And you think Janus will just talk to us?" Gabriel asked.

"He likes me," Wicca said.

Aziraphale peered at her. "Janus likes you?" 

"Yeah. I visit from time to time, keep him company. You know how other beings are. Only visit when they want something. I actually keep him company."

"How very kind of you," Gabriel said.

She fought the urge to roll her eyes again. "Look, it gets lonely out here on the astral plane. Those of us who've been here long enough have to stick together. That's why it's so concerning that people have been dropping off."

"So how do we get to Janus?" Aziraphale asked.

"He's behind that gate just there," Wicca said. "Problem is that all those shade sprites are in the way."

"That is a problem."

"I think Gabriel should distract them."

"Me?" Gabriel protested. "Why me?"

"Because I don't like you," she said. "Just being honest. Look, you wanna prove you're trustworthy? Go sacrifice yourself for the greater good."

Gabriel looked as if he had a few choice words he wanted to say to her, but bit them back and forced a smile. "Very well," he said. "Meet back here after?"

"Almost definitely not," Aziraphale said. "But we'll be sure that your sacrifice was noted."

"You son of a-"

"Are we doing this or not?" Wicca demanded.

"Fine," Gabriel said.

He took a breath and stepped around the corner, making sure he was in full view of the creatures. They appeared to be made of smoke and their tiny forms shifted rapidly, but the one constant in their form were glittering wings and sharp teeth. One looked up and saw him and emitted a shrieking hiss. This alerted the others to his position.

"I'm gonna regret this," Gabriel said as he took off running.

The shade sprites screeched as they flew after him.

"Come on," Wicca hissed. "Quickly, while they're distracted."

Aziraphale followed her toward the gate. "What'll become of Gabriel?"

"Do you care?"

"Not particularly. It's more of an intellectual curiosity."

"Well if I'm right, they'll rip him to pieces. He'll be completely discorporated."

"Which isn't good seeing as there is no Heaven to reincorporate him."

"Correct."

"Serves him right."

"My thoughts exactly."

They reached the gates, which were made of a transparent shimmering purple substance. Wicca passed straight through them.

"Come on," she said.

"I can't," he said. "You'll have to open them from your end."

"I can't," she said. "Only Janus can do that." She hesitated. "Look, wait for me here."

"What?"

"I'll get Janus to open the gates, just wait for me!"

"What if the shade sprites come back?"

"I'll only be a moment, just wait!"

She evaporated into smoke, leaving him alone to wait. He really didn't like the astral plane when he was alone. It was entirely too quiet. The air itself felt dead and cold.

He thought he could hear the fluttering of little wings in the distance. He shifted into a battle stance.

 _Come on, Wicca,_ he thought.

He was sure he could see a shade sprite now, off in the distance.

_Wicca, come on._

It hadn't noticed him yet. It was picking its teeth with a bit of liminal space.

_Hurry it up, Wicca..._

The shade sprite saw him and shrieked. It began flying in his direction.

His position had been given away, so he dropped all pretense and began shaking the gates. "Wicca! Wicca, let me in! Wicca!"

The gate opened at the last second and he rushed inside before it closed behind him. The shade sprites were stuck on the other side.

"And stay out!" he shouted.

Wicca appeared behind him. "What, did you think I wasn't coming back for you?" she asked. "Have a little faith."

"Just take me to Janus," he said wearily.

...

The god lived in a small hut that appeared to be made of stone to the human eye, but Aziraphale knew was made of gravity and held together with moments.

"It's alright, Jan, you can come out now," Wicca said. "It's just Aziraphale he's a friend."

"It's an honor to meet you," Aziraphale said. "Honestly. I never thought I'd get to meet one of the pillars of existence."

The two faced god emerged into the light wearing a shimmering robe of antimatter. 

"State your business, Aziraphale of the Eastern Gate," said both faces in unison.

Aziraphale wasn't quite sure how he was meant to act in this situation. He smiled nervously. "O great and powerful Janus-"

"Janice," the goddess corrected. "I go by Janice now."

Aziraphale blinked in surprise.

"She's not out to everyone," Wicca whispered. "You should be honored. She's still closeted in the larger pantheon so we've still gotta be careful to call her Janus in public."

"Yes, of course," Aziraphale said. He really wished Crowley were here for this. "Janice. I've come humbly to seek Pandora."

"Do you seek Pandora or do you seek her Dybbuk jar?"

"Both," he admitted. "Ideally. But if you're able to give us directions just to the jar, that would save us a lot of time-"

"Time," Janice replied. "That's something we have in abundance here. We use it here for everything. But it's slipping away. Time is bleeding, Aziraphale. It bleeds into the dimension you've settled in. It needs to be righted."

"That sounds like a job for someone else," he said apologetically. "You see, my husband and I never got very high marks in time management."

Janice waved a hand in the air and presented Aziraphale with a small hourglass full of shimmering purple grains. "Return to your dimension with the jar before time runs out if you wish to save your daughter from her fate."

"Fate?" Aziraphale repeated. "What fate? She doesn't have one of those, we checked."

"It is not written in stone or prophesized in any capacity," Janice said patiently. "I see the circumstance that has brought you to me. It is drawing towards an inevitability unless you stop it in time."

"Janus." He corrected himself quickly. "Janice, sorry. What will happen to Ruby if I don't succeed?"

"That I cannot say. You must go. Before time runs out." She produced a gold coin. "Take this for the ferryman."

Aziraphale blinked. "The ferryman? Surely we don't need to go all the way to the Underworld for this."

"Charon awaits you. You do know how to use the coin?"

He looked at it warily. "Bit unsanitary, don't you think?"

"Unsanitary is an Earthly concept. Such things do not matter here."

"So I have Charon ferry me across the Styx-"

"Not the Styx," she said. "Charon will grant you passage across the Acheron. It's a more direct route. You must avoid the Lethe and take a shortcut across the Cocytus."

"Wonderful," he said unenthusiastically. "I forgot to bring earplugs."

"If you reach the Phlegethon, you've gone too far."

"So what exactly am I looking for?"

"Seek Pandora in the Shadowlands between the Asphodel Meadows and the Gates of Tartarus. There you will find the answers you seek. Complete your quest before time runs out." She waved a hand and the hourglass in Aziraphale's hands glowed briefly. "This is now a key. It will transport you to the surface when you've found your answer. Try to find it in time. Good luck."

...

Wicca could sense Aziraphale's anxiety. "What's wrong? First time in Hell?"

"The Underworld isn't Hell," he reminded her. "It's simply another realm of the astral plane."

"Tartarus is a bit Hell-y," she said.

"Have you ever been?"

"Not personally. Honestly I like to avoid a lot of these places. Bit depressing. I mean, what am I gonna do? Try to get into Elysium? I wouldn't get past the bouncer." He didn't answer so she looked at him more closely. "Look, I know you're worried about Ruby. I am too. But Janice wouldn't give us this quest if she thought we couldn't hack it."

"The jar was broken," Aziraphale said. "I can't see what use a wild goose chase is for us."

Wicca shrugged and hit him with a sly grin. "Have a little faith?" she teased.

He had to admit that being teased like this made him feel a little better. It was what Ruby or Crowley would've done if they'd been with him. "You do understand you can't come with me," he said softly.

"Yeah," she replied. "No coin for me. I kinda got the hint. Try to be careful, okay?"

"I'll do my best."

They walked silently past the elm tree that held false dreams and (by some Miracle) managed to get past Cerberus without waking him. They reached the banks of the Acheron and hailed the ferry. Aziraphale turned the coin over and over in his hand.

"You do know what to do with that, don't you?" Wicca asked nervously. 

"Under the tongue," he nodded. "Not fond of this particular practice, myself. But traditions are traditions."

Charon approached in a rust colored skiff wearing robes of brownish-red. "Two souls today?" he asked as he reached the shore.

"Just the one," Aziraphale said apologetically. "Unfortunately, my associate cannot make payment."

"And you can?"

"Ah. Yes," he said. He popped the coin under his tongue and forced a smile.

"Acceptable," Charon said. "Hop aboard."

"He's on an important quest," Wicca said. "Janus sent us."

"What would the Gatekeeper want from you?"

"He is meant to be ferried to the Asphodel Meadows. Can you take him that far?"

Charon peered at him. "What would an adventurer seek in the Asphodel Meadows?"

"It is a matter of some urgency," Wicca replied. "You've seen his payment."

"Yes," Charon replied. "Very well. Come aboard, traveler."

Aziraphale smiled gratefully at Wicca as he followed this direction. She smiled in what she hoped was an encouraging manner.

"I'll go topside," she said. "Make sure to inform your family."

He nodded and the relief was evident on his face.

"Good luck to you, Aziraphale," Wicca said as the skiff pulled away from the shore.

Aziraphale and Wicca kept their eyes on each other until the boat passed out of sight.

...

Ruby waited outside the kitchen and tried to catch her breath against the wall. Selwyn joined her after a moment. She wondered if she should say something, but she didn't know what she could say. Lucky for her, Ruby spoke first.

"Shouldn't he be back by now?" Ruby asked softly.

"You shouldn't worry so much," Selwyn said. "He'll be fine. He's an angel, right?"

"Angel doesn't mean unkillable."

Selwyn watched her for a moment. "It's not your fault," she said finally. "All this."

She forced a smile. "I know."

"With your head, maybe. But with your heart? I know you feel like it's all on you."

"How could you know that?"

"Because I sorta feel like that sometimes. Not in such a big way, but...I know with my head that being the way I am isn't my fault. Like logically there's nothing wrong with it, your dad even says so...But..." She took a breath. "With my heart, I always feel like a burden. Like there's something broken in me because I can't do what other people can do, or can't be who other people need me to be. Sometimes it feels like I'm too different and incomprehensible and like I should just try harder or know better. But at the end of the day, we are who we are. There were risks going in. Everyone knew that. Anyone at any point could've stopped it. You can share the burden just a bit. People make mistakes. That just means we have to do better next time."

Ruby looked at her properly with her eyes shining with unshed tears. "You know you don't have to stay for this. You can go over to Katie's. They'll keep you safe. I'm not saying you have to, because I know you can handle it. But I also know how bad your anxiety is and I don't want you to feel you have to stay. You've already been so much braver than I could expect from anyone."

Selwyn nodded. "I'm freaking out. I'm not gonna pretend I'm not. This is all...a lot. But I don't want to leave you. I had you guys freeze me the last time things went south and I've regretted it ever since. And it's not because I think I could've helped, because I know there's nothing I can do. I just have to know. It bothers me not knowing."

"Knowing what?"

"Everything? Kinda? I feel safer and more in control when I know what's happening. If I leave now, I'll just go out of my mind."

Ruby squeezed Selwyn's arm gently. "I understand. And I'm glad you're here."

"Your dad will be fine," Selwyn said. "He has to be."

Ruby nodded. "It's not as if I don't have plenty to worry about here. I might be impenetrable, but if this Dybbuk gets out, it could do major damage. Imagine if it got into Chell or Nick or you."

"Or Katie," Selwyn added. "I don't want to think of what it could do in a werewolf."

"I just don't want to see any of you get hurt for my mistake."

"We won't. You guys will figure this out. You always do."

...

Aziraphale sat in the skiff, watching as Charon ferried him silently across the muddied waters of the Acheron. He heard a muffled sniffling, and looked up to see a willow tree literally weeping into the swamp.

"Fascinating," he said. He glanced nervously at Charon. "Sorry."

"If you're going to insist on speaking," Charon replied. "You may remove the coin from your mouth. That will ease your communication."

Aziraphale was relieved. He'd been afraid he'd have to keep the coin under his tongue for the duration of the journey. He spat the coin into his hand.

"Thank you," he said. "Much more comfortable." 

Charon didn't speak, he simply kept his eyes forward.

Aziraphale found the silence awkward. "You know, I've never actually visited the Underworld before."

"You are not of this realm. It is not your place."

"So you know what I am?"

"Not a soul nor a god."

"Something in between, yes. That is fairly accurate." Charon didn't speak. "So you get a lot of interesting visitors these days?" He realized his mistake. "Sorry, I should've realized. You must not get traffic at all-"

"Not as many as once there were, but there are still those who attend to the old gods. They find their way here."

"Really? I would never have known."

"Hellenistic religions are on the decline, but they are not gone."

There was another uncomfortable silence.

"So how did you get this job?" Aziraphale asked brightly. "If you don't mind me asking?"

"It was my created purpose. I am for nothing else."

"That's a bit bleak. You're not going to be in trouble for allowing me to intrude?"

"Persephone won't mind."

Aziraphale could hear a distant wailing and stiffened. "Ah. That'll be the Cocytus, won't it?"

"There's still time to choose another route."

"No. Time is of the essence."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Dybbuks are sort of a metaphor for radicalization and bigotry. They're not responsible for all the bigotry in the world - humans do just fine on their own - but they certainly like to stir it up. Going forward, they'll become a metaphor for something entirely else...But that's for next week's chapter.
> 
> Oh also. "Supernormals." It's sort of a joke based on my autism. I wanted a magical equivalent, internet-speak-sounding, nickname for non-magicals in the same way that autistics call non-autistics "neurotypicals" (or NTs). That's really all that is.


	50. She Walks Beautiful

Crowley knew it was time to give Ruby her space. He wanted to comfort her through her anxiety, but every time their eyes met there was a mutual understanding that they were feeling the same way but there was nothing they could do to alleviate that. Talking about it would feel like popping a bubble, and they couldn't afford to completely come apart.

After all, they had experience with waiting behind while Aziraphale travelled to a mystical realm for guidance. Ruby was sort of surprised that Crowley had let him go so easily this time, but she remembered how it had gone last time.

_"Gabriel is asking me to make a choice between my husband and the closest thing I have to a child...and I just can’t do that, I’m sorry, but I can’t...”_

Ruby blinked this memory away and tried to shake off the guilt that told her that she was just putting them in more impossible situations. She tried to focus on her hoping skills. She breathed in slowly, focusing on the breaths. In for five seconds, hold, out for five seconds. She closed her eyes. In for five seconds, hold, out for five seconds.

Then she felt a curious sensation coming from the furthest recesses of her mind, deep within her subconsciousness. It was something like an instinct. She unfurled her wings and when she opened her eyes, she found herself in her bedroom facing Sanna, who was still bound on the floor. The Dybbuk had Sanna's eyes fixed on Ruby as it turned Sanna's head to regard her curiously.

"Now why'd you go and do that?" it asked with her voice.

"I don't know," she admitted, almost in a whisper. "I felt that I...Not _had_ to...but..."

"What is it that you need, little Nephilim?"

"Not what I need...what _she_ needs..." She started to take a step toward her, but caught herself and stepped back instead. "What are you?"

"I am a Dybbuk. A native of the astral plane, a denizen of Purgatory itself. I am ancient and older than your angels and your demons."

"And what is it that you want?" 

"Do you care?"

"Call it curiosity. Every sentient thing has a motivation, right? So what's yours? You wouldn't be here if you couldn't get something out of it." The Dybbuk just blinked slowly. "Is it power? My power? Is that what you're after?"

"It is what everyone is after."

"Yeah, that seems to be true. Everyone wants me to use it for something. But you want to take it outright. So why?"

"Things are not as they seem. Reality is bleeding. Even Dybbuks feel it. True, we thrive on chaos, but we can't thrive if we're extinguished."

She raised her eyebrows. "So something can kill you, then?"

"Only total obliteration from the time leak, so don't get your hopes up."

"You're saying a lot of words, but not making a lot of sense."

"You'd be a safe vessel."

She nodded. "So it's as I thought. Transference of power is your way of getting an opening to enter me."

"You're the most invulnerable person who has ever lived. Even Achilles had a faulty heel, but you...Well, we all have our weaknesses, don't we? If we poke around long enough, maybe one of us will find it. Plan A was to get you to let us in voluntarily. Maybe you're vulnerable to self injury. But that didn't work, so we may have to move on to Plan B. So what'll it be, Ruby Fell? The little human or your pretty little parents?"

Ruby glared at her as she came closer. "If you touch _any_ of them-"

"Who's touching?" she giggled. "Not me! Look at me! No hands! But who knows. Maybe you're not so special anyway."

"That's what I keep saying."

"Yeah but in that humble-brag kinda way. No, I mean, maybe you're _really_ no so special. As in maybe you're not worth all the hype. What's gonna happen once they all realize that you're not worth all the trouble?"

"I can go back to having a quiet life and doing what I want. I never asked for people to be looking to me for answers."

"Yeah, but see, I'm not talking about your little groupies. I'm only _barely_ talking about your little friends. I mean they're mortal. You can't have any real _lasting_ expectations of them."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"But your parents. Oh that's the interesting little bit. I mean, what are they gonna do when they figure out you can't do anything right? I mean this is just the tip of the iceberg. You've been trouble from the moment they found you on that bridge. You know it, they know it-"

"Stop it."

"-so what's gonna happen once they realize that all you do is ruin lives? You've always been a burden, Ruby Fell. That's all you ever will be."

...

Aziraphale shivered as the skiff exited the Cocytus. The river of wailing had gotten to him, as he'd known it would. He could never abide the sounds of suffering.

"We approach your destination," Charon said. 

"Thank you," Aziraphale replied solemnly. "Can I ask...Are you happy?"

Charon was surprised by the question. "What?"

"Doing what you do?"

"Does that matter? It's a sacred duty."

"Yes, it is that. Only thing is, I used to tell myself the very same thing about a job I had to do as an angel. My own happiness wasn't something that could be factored in. But I at least found something outside of the job that gave me pleasure. Do you have something like that?"

Charon was silent for a moment. "No. This is all."

"Ah," Aziraphale replied. "You really should. Perhaps after all these years, you deserve something a bit less depressing." He quickly realized that he probably shouldn't have said that. "Sorry, unless _this_ is your passion, I didn't mean to imply-"

"It's alright," Charon replied contemplatively. "There is not much room for passion in the Underworld. I perform my duties faithfully."

"As you should."

"What would you suggest?"

"Sorry?"

"As something outside the job."

"Oh. I don't know. What are you interested it?" He was only met with a blank stare, so he decided to change his tactic. "Perhaps that was the wrong question, ah...Let me think. Oh I know! You could collect coins!"

"Collect...coins?"

"Yes. Instead of spending them, you organize and display all the interesting and rare and unique coins that I'm sure you've acquired in your travels."

"Collect...coins." He repeated the phrase this time in a contemplative way. He pulled the boat close to the shore. "This is your stop."

"Thank you," Aziraphale smiled as he slowly got to his feet. He smiled apologetically. "Sorry, I don't have the best balance at times. I'm trying not to rock the boat, as it were..." He realized he was still holding on to his coin and prepared to hand it over. "And here you are. For your troubles. Perhaps it can be the start to your collection."

Charon eyed the coin with a most curious expression. "You may keep it."

"Are you sure?" Aziraphale asked in bewilderment. "I wouldn't want you to go uncompensated for all the hard work you do."

"Consider this one on me. Keep it for if you should ever need fare in the future."

Aziraphale simply considered Charon for a moment before pocketing the coin. "That's very considerate of you. I appreciate that. Let us hope I won't need it for more than a quick visit." Aziraphale carefully disembarked the vessel then turned back to face Charon. "Safe travels, friend."

"And to you. May Tyche smile upon you this day."

"Oh," Aziraphale said, a bit surprised but mostly flattered at the unexpected blessing. "Thank you. I'll be needing that."

"Mark your time, Aziraphale."

"Yes of course."

He glanced at his hourglass and saw that he was running out of time quicker than expected. When he looked up again, Charon was already rowing away.

"Yes," Aziraphale repeated to himself. "Of course."

He watched Charon's lantern disappear into the mists for a moment before continuing on his path. The air seemed different as he traveled on his way. It seemed paler, whiter, colder. He came upon a pale maiden who was carefully peeling the petals from an asphodel flower. He watched her slowly eat them,

"Hello," he said to her.

She started at him blankly.

"I am Aziraphale. What's your name?"

She merely continued eating.

"Ah yes. Of course. You drank from the river on the way here, I take it?" He'd heard that the river Lethe, after which Ruby's ghost friend had been named, had memory wiping properties. All the souls in the Asphodel Meadows would've partaken. They were now nothing more than pale shades of themselves. He smiled in what he hoped was a peaceable manner. "That flower sure does look tasty. I've always wanted to try one, to see what all the hype is about..." He reached for one then stopped with his fingers inches from the stem. "But one does not eat the food in Hades. Isn't that right?" He pulled the flower anyway then tucked it in his pocket. "Still. I shall take one for the road. Underworld Asphodel is a rare commodity and could prove useful in my daughter's spell-casting."

The woman didn't respond.

He smiled again. "Good day to you, madam."

He started off again, electing to ignore anyone he met along the path. As he walked, the air seemed to become darker. He knew he was entering the Shadowlands that bordered Tartarus. 

He came upon a small campfire and stopped to warm his hands. He could just make out the figure of a young woman beside it.

"You step into my home, Aziraphale of the Eastern Gate," she said without looking up. Her accent was American.

"Your home?" Aziraphale asked. "We're at a campfire."

"Not anymore."

And he realized that they were no longer in the underworld. They were above ground in a house with a thousand windows. The décor was minimalist, but what she did have came from all over the world. He was standing with his back to a roaring fire while a blonde woman in a very expensive-looking suit regarded him from an arm chair.

She held out a glass. "Would you like some wine?"

"I really shouldn't partake," he said. 

"Oh come on," she smiled with red-painted lips. "What's the harm? You're no longer in the Underworld. A little wine won't trap you forever."

"It's not that," he assured her. "I'm on rather a tight schedule, is all. But thank you for your offer."

"Hm." She set the glass back down on a side table. "Well. I had heard that you were cutting back, but I'd scarcely believed the rumor."

"If you don't mind me asking-"

"Right, yes, of course. To business. You have found what you're looking for, Aziraphale."

"Oh," he said. "Pardon me for asking, but you're not-"

"Pandora? No. Long gone, I'm afraid. Heard she took a vow of silence, which is super annoying."

"Then who-?"

"I've gone by many names," she said helpfully. "Ossa, Fama..."

Comprehension dawned on him. "Pheme?"

She lit up at the sound of her own name. "Ding! Ding! Ding! You do know your classics!"

"The goddess of fame and rumor," Aziraphale said. 

"The very same," she grinned. "Though I go by Phoebe these days."

"And how are you faring?"

"Better than a lot of the old gods, I'm telling you that. So many of them just couldn't cut it. I mean, it's like adapt or die, am I right?" She laughed. "The internet's like a god-send, honestly, if you'll forgive the phrasing. TMZ, Daily Mail, those are all me. I do freelance, make it work. And how are _you_ these days, Dionysus?"

His cheeks grew pink. "I never cared for that name. It was all rather a misunderstanding."

"Uh-huh," she said. "Sure it was. Poor little angel's a little bit of a heathen. The adventures you get up to..."

"Speaking of adventures," Aziraphale said. "I'm afraid there's been another misunderstanding. I was sent to find Pandora-"

"You were told to _seek_ Pandora, because it would bring you to me. I thought you'd know to always read more into the fine print of a cryptic clue, Aziraphale."

"So you're going to....Lead me to Pandora?"

She laughed. " _Gods,_ no. You don't have time for that right now. I mean, look at your poor little hour glass. It's nearly down to the last grain."

He was crestfallen. "So I failed."

She shook her head. "I'm surprised at you, Aziraphale. I would think you of all people would understand that the acquisition of knowledge is never a failure."

"How do you mean?"

"This was always inevitable, right from the moment you two crazy kids decided to pop one out in your little green house. Nice little home birth, by the way. Kudos to you for pulling that off. But your little God didn't tell you everything. She was too afraid to entertain the possibility. I mean you know that's the great downfall, don't you? Never give any of you the full picture otherwise you'll be too powerful?"

"I don't understand."

"I know. But you're just the cutest little thing when you try. You were _designed_ to depend on her. We're all supposed to stay out of it. But her 6000 year free trial is up and there are a lot of little bugs in the system. Puts your girl in a curious position. I mean, she doesn't even know what she could be."

"Are you going to explain or are you going to continue to be cryptic and condescending until we run out of time?"

She chuckled to herself. "Alright. _Chill! Have some!_ But really, did you think your God was telling the truth when she said there's never been anything like Ruby before? Well, I mean, _technically_ she's the first Nephilim of her _specific_ makeup, but her circumstances aren't, well, completely unheard of within the history of Ascendency."

His brow furrowed. "Ascendency?"

Her eyes glinted mischievously. "Wouldn't you like to know? But we don't have time for that, so we'll schedule _that_ conversation for a later date. We're here about the peril young Ruby finds herself in now. Little Dybbuk trouble? Need a little box?"

"Do you have it?"

"No, honey, the box is long gone. And don't think of trying to make another one in time, Pandora had to go through a lot just to make hers."

"Did she? I thought she was handed it."

"Now that's the misogynist myth they feed you to make Pandora into a dumb little fool. She _made_ her box. On purpose."

"How?"

"Oh Aziraphale. I don't think you have the stones even if you could swing it."

"I will do anything to protect my daughter."

She tilted her head. "You will, won't you? But your will is not the issue. The issue is availability."

"Meaning?"

"The only thing strong enough to bind a Dybbuk is the blood of a god. And I mean a major god, not one of us lower beings in the Pantheon."

"The blood of a God?"

"So you see your problem. Not exactly something you can just add to your Amazon wishlist, is it?" He opened his mouth to speak but she held up a finger to silence him. "Uh uh uh. The good part's about to start."

She grabbed a remote off the table and flicked on a TV on the mantle. The skin on her face suddenly parted as many extra eyes opened.

"Ah," he said. "Yes, I had heard that you had many eyes. Almost an Angelic form. Though I had also heard that you had many extra tongues as well..." He realized this was a personal question and trailed off.

She smiled cryptically. "I'm very popular with the ladies. Now, you might want to sit down for this. Or not. Standing might save you from having to jump up again."

He turned to face the screen. "What are we looking at here? Is that...My house?"

"I usually don't get a direct link into the actual lives - I typically have to hear the stories afterward. But particularly important moments do get streamed to me live."

He was looking at Ruby's bedroom. She was alone, facing the Dybbuk-possessed Sanna. Her wings were outstretched.

_"But your parents," Sanna was saying. "Oh that's the interesting little bit. I mean, what are they gonna do when they figure out you can't do anything right? I mean this is just the tip of the iceberg. You've been trouble from the moment they found you on that bridge. You know it, they know it-"_

_"Stop it," Ruby said in a low voice._

_"-so what's gonna happen once they realize that all you do is ruin lives? You've always been a burden, Ruby Fell. That's all you ever will be."_

"That's not true!" Aziraphale said indignantly. 

"She can't actually hear you, you know," Phoebe said.

"But she can't actually believe that's true!"

 _Crowley reached the top of the stairs. "_ _Ruby? What are you doing back up here?"_

_Ruby let out a breath that she hadn't known she was holding at the sound of Crowley's voice._

_"I don't know," she admitted. "I felt like I needed to be up here. Like Sanna needs my help."_

_"She does need help," Crowley said._

_"No but I mean," she sighed with frustration. "She needs my help. She's asking for me."_

"This is your cue, little angel," Phoebe said. "You'd better hurry back now if you're gonna make it in time for the good part. I'm gonna conjure up some popcorn."

"The good part?" Aziraphale asked. "What do you mean? What's going to happen to Ruby?"

"Nothing, if you stop it in time. Now go."

...

Crowley wasn't quite grasping what Ruby was trying to say. "Sometimes Dybbuks throw voices-"

"No I didn't _hear_ her," Ruby insisted. "I _felt_ her. She asked for me. So I came. Does that make sense?"

Crowley just looked at her in a way that she couldn't understand. 

"Crowley?" she asked again. "Please."

"I'm not..." He tried to think of how to phrase this. "How does it feel?"

"What?"

"You said you _feel_ it?"

"I dunno. Like an instinct. Like she's calling to me and I'm answering."

Crowley looked worried.

"What?" she demanded.

"Nothing, it's just...That's generally how a demonic summons works. And demonic summons are just another form of prayer, so..."

"So you're saying...I'm hearing Sanna praying?"

"She'd have to be praying to you specifically for you to tune in on it...but possibly."

" _Why?"_

Sanna interjected. "Because the little witch has an overhyped idea of your abilities, Nephilim."

"What is she praying for?" Crowley asked. "Can you tell?"

Ruby tried to focus on it through the fear. "She wants this thing out of her or..."

"Or?"

"She wants us to kill her?"

"Sometimes with prayer there's a specific reasons it's going to you. I don't know if we can even entertain this idea, but...Do you feel any kind of instinct? Maybe you can obliterate the Dybbuk?"

"I'd like to see you try," Sanna giggled. "You can't even Miracle me a cup of tea."

"She's got a point," Ruby whispered. "How would I be able to do that?"

"You're new. You're different."

"So why do you look so scared?"

"Because I don't want you getting too close."

Sanna's voice was suddenly directly behind Ruby. "Oh for Heaven's sake." She tapped Ruby's shoulder, prompting her to turn around quickly.

"That's impossible!" Crowley said. "How did you get free? Only an angel could've released you!"

"Wouldn't you like to know, pretty boy?" Sanna giggled. She muttered a quick incantation and flung him against the wall.

"Sanna, don't!" Ruby protested.

"Sanna can't resist! She's been infected too long!" She clenched her fist and large scratches appeared on Crowley's face.

Ruby could hear multiple footsteps racing up the stairs. "Everyone stay back! It's not safe up here!"

"Too late!" Sanna said. She waved a hand and lifted Selwyn, Amira, and Elodie the rest of the way up the stairs.

"Stop this!" Ruby commanded.

"Make me!"

"I don't know how!"

"I can just go anywhere I want now!" Sanna said. "This body might have used up its potential! I could pick any one of them next. Oooh, what about your little mouse?"

Ruby could see her eyeing Selwyn. "We've already talked about this! They're off limits!"

"So anyone else is on-limits? Selfish of you. What if I take some kid?"

"You can't do that-"

"I can do what I want!"

Ruby couldn't think of any useful battle magic, and she was so concerned about damaging Sanna's body in the crossfire. Aziraphale appeared in the room just in time to hear what came next.

"Take me," Ruby said. 

"Ruby, _no_!" Aziraphale protested.

"It can just keep hopping bodies," Ruby said. "I don't know how to kill it or banish it but if I trap it in me, at least I know where it is while I try to get rid of it."

"There she is," Sanna smiled. "Saint Ruby. With an angel face and a taste for suicidal."

Ruby was startled. "Was that a Green Day reference? But actually, don't call me a saint."

"Ruby, don't do this," Crowley said. "We can't know what the side effects will be. It's too risky."

"It's too risky to leave it anywhere else," she insisted. "Unless Aziraphale has the jar?" Aziraphale's expression told her all she needed to know. "I thought so. There's no other way." She stepped up to Sanna. "I consent. Take me instead. Leave them alone."

The Dybbuk looked gleefully through Sanna's eyes. "I accept your terms, Nephilim."

Black smoke trickled from Sanna's lips and entered Ruby's. 

"No!" Aziraphale protested.

But it was too late. The Dybbuk was inside her now. She closed her eyes and almost lost her balance, but Aziraphale helped to steady her. Sanna lost consciousness and crumpled to the floor. 

"Ruby?" Aziraphale asked tentatively. "Ruby? How are you feeling?"

She didn't open her eyes, but waved a hand to free her friends and Crowley from the spells trapping them. "I..." She finally opened her eyes. "I don't know, Dad. I don't feel different."

"You wouldn't," Crowley said. "Not at first."

"That was a very foolish thing you just did," Aziraphale said anxiously.

"But brave," Crowley added. "And selfless."

"Is everyone else alright?" she asked. 

"We're fine," Selwyn said.

"Little shaken up," said Elodie.

Amira knelt beside Sanna. "She's breathing. Will she be alright?"

"We'll do everything we can," Aziraphale said. "I can prepare a tonic for you all to help flush the excess energies from your mind, but you have to be receptive to the healing magic for them to work." He waved an arm and Sanna disappeared.

"What the hell?" Amira said. "What did you do with her?"

"She's on the sofa downstairs," Aziraphale said. "I assume you didn't want to carry her yourself?"

"Good call," Amira said.

...

"That should do it for your first doses," Aziraphale said. "Take a bit every day for the next few weeks until it's flushed out. If you run out, I'll provide you with more. I can recommend a great therapist who specializes in magical-based treatments. I'd suggest you all see her at least for the duration of this treatment otherwise it won't be as effective and the problem could just come back once treatment stops."

Sanna had barely spoken a word since returning to consciousness, she'd just sipped her tonic while staring at the floor with a vacant expression.

"How are you feeling?" Ruby asked her.

"Hm?" she said. "Oh. I dunno yet. This has all been a bloody nightmare."

"Yeah. Except it's real."

"I can't thank you for what you did for me."

"That's right. You can't."

"I didn't mean any of those things I said."

"Not even deep down?"

"I have things I have to work on, but I'd never hurt anyone on purpose-"

"Look, I get it, okay. I just really don't want to talk about it. If you want to make this up to anyone, you should make it up to Selwyn. Because I know the Dybbuk wasn't your fault. I get that. But she needs to know for sure that you're not gonna come back in the night and hex her or something."

"And she might choose not to forgive you even if you do," said a voice.

"Wicca?" Ruby said. "What are you doing here?"

"I was coming to help you," she said. "But I see I'm too late. I got held up."

"Everything alright?" Ruby asked. 

"I should ask you that."

"Remains to be seen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now that the Dybbuk is in Ruby, the metaphor becomes one about intrusive thoughts.


End file.
